The Daily Show: Ears Edition - Coronavirus Updates - Pfizer Fiasco, Public Shaming in South Africa & Santa's Immunity

Episode Date: December 20, 2020

The Trump administration rejected an opportunity to buy more vaccine doses from Pfizer, South African police shame maskless citizens, and the WHO declares Santa Claus immune from COVID-19. Learn more about your ad-choices at https://www.iheartpodcastnetwork.comSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

You're listening to Comedy Central. When 60 Minutes premiered in September 1968, there was nothing like it. This is 60 Minutes. It's a kind of a magazine for television. Very few have been given access to the treasures in our archives. But that's all about to change. Like none of this stuff gets looked at. That's what's incredible. I'm Seth Done of CBS News. Listen to 60 Minutes, a second look, starting September 17th, wherever you get your podcasts. The United Kingdom, America's a strange dad. Today, the UK began giving its

people the vaccine. Yeah, officially, starting with a 90-year-old woman, which is great for her. Although on the other hand, she's the only person in the whole country who's now safe to go out. So she's just going to be out hitting the club like, woo! Where are all my party girls at? Seriously, where is everybody? Meanwhile, in the United States, it might take a little longer for everyone to get vaccinated, because somebody, and I'm not saying which president, well, he don't f-ed up.

With cases of COVID surging across the country, we're learning, millions of Americans may now have to wait months longer to receive a vaccine, because the US opted to get to get to get to getthe US opted to get fewer doses from Pfizer than it could have. The US bought enough to vaccinate 50 million Americans. By contrast, the European Union bought enough for a hundred million people with an option to buy more. Now ABC News confirms the New York Times report that over the summer Pfizer offered to sell the US government additional doses but the Trump administration turned them down. Now Pfizer says it might not be able to get the US more doses until June of 2021.

That's the art of the deal right there baby. Pfizer thought that they could pull a fast one on Trump by offering to sell him life-saving vaccines but my man Trump was was like, no deal. So now, Europe is stuck with all those vaccines, and that means more Corona for everyone here in America, baby. Wait. Seriously, though, this may seem like it was a dumb decision by Trump. But if you take a moment to think about it, you'll realize that it was a really

fucking dumb decision by Trump. And let's be very clear about something. Even with a vaccine, social distancing and wearing masks is still extremely important. And that's why people need to keep following public health guidelines. And I know, I know a lot of Americans are like, all these rules are government oppression. They're taken away out of freedom. It is my right to go to Walmart without a mask and to legally marry my gun. My gun's name is Mark. That's right, my gun and I are gay. Did I challenge your stereotypes? But I gotta tell you this, if Americans think that the rules in this country are too strict, Americans need to see how social distancing is being enforced in some other countries around the globe. For example, if you're upset because, oh,

people give you dirty looks when you go outside without a mask, imagine if instead of that, the police pulled up in their cars and then roasted you over the PA system, because that's what's going on in South Africa, where videos like this one are going viral. Yeah, that's right. the COVID-19 y police and the military are being tasked with enforcing the lockdown, which is basically a recipe for disaster. Oh, and in case you're wondering, yes, the South African version of law and order is a very different show. In the criminal justice system, the people are represented by two separate yet and equal important groups. The police who roast your ass hard and the district attorneys who stand behind them going, damn son, he got you good. These are their stories. Here's an interesting fact. That cop is also South Africa's top hostage negotiator.

Hey! Why are you kidnapping that guy? Let him go! What would your mother say about you? Look at you with that funny hat-cutt. Look like you f-lorn more, eh? Then you lost, eh? Just go home. But as harsh as South Africa's mosque justice might seem, what they do in Rwanda can be even worse. Rwandans breaking curfew or not wearing masks are being sent to stadiums for hours long overnight lectures

about the dangers of the virus. I was in the shop I work in. My mask was on my chin. Then the police found me in my shop and said, you're not wearing your mask or it. Then I got in the car and they told me they were taking me to a place to teach me to wear a mask. Man, that is intense. Rwandans are being forced to attend night school if they broke some COVID rules.

Imagine that. If you don't like watching Dr. Fauci come on TV and ask you to wear a mask for 30 seconds, if you lived in Rwanda, you'd be forced to listen to Dr. Fauci all night in a cold stadium. The only way that could be more boring is if there was also a baseball game going on at the same time. Although, one benefit of teaching about COVID rules in a sports stadium is that you can use the kiss cam to test how much everyone has learned. Joseph, you and Kesa are on the kiss cam.

Why don't you kiss? No, you shouldn't have kissed. It was a trukis. You must come back tomorrow night. he broke the rules by pulling down his mask. It's a good thing he wasn't arrested for public indecency. I was arrested for exposing myself like this. And everyone was so upset, just like everyone is right now. And finally, to any American who's upset because they can't go to the gym to work out during COVID,

imagine if instead of that, you will force to work out in front of all your neighbors. Like many countries battling the coronavirus pandemic, India is in lockdown. The police here have resorted to physical punishments for those who breach it. At one point, police are seen ordering locals to do squats. Some were made to do precepts at the side of the street. Hunet, police on April 21st asked the lockdown violators to do sit-ups as punishment. God damn, guys. That is humiliating and unnecessary.

I mean, what happened to just shouting at people to wear a mask? Forced exercise is so extreme. And let me tell you something now, I would rather staple a mask than have to exercise in public. That's like all your grade school nightmares coming back to life. You couldn't be bothered to wear a mask, and now all your friends know you can't do five push-ups? On the other hand, it's a good alternative

for people who can't afford a gym membership. Just pull your mask down, and the next thing you know you got a personal trainer. In fact, if they keep this policy. Oh my god Deborah, you look amazing, what are you doing? Let's just say I ignored a few rules in India. What? What does that even mean? When 60 Minutes premiered in September 1968, there was nothing like it. This is 60 Minutes. It's a kind of a magazine for television. Very few have been given access to the treasures in our archives. But that's all about to change.

Like none of this stuff gets looked at. That's what's incredible. I'm Seth Done of CBS News. Listen to 60 Minutes, a second look, starting September 17th, wherever you get your podcasts. As we answer the second year of the coronavirus pandemic, there is one thing on top of everybody's holiday wish list. A PlayStation 5. And after that, a vaccine. And Santa's working hard to make it happen. Great Britain has already begun vaccinations. The United States is close behind.

And China has now announced that its new vaccine is 86% effective. But the first country to start mass vaccinations was actually Russia. And the reason that they were able to be the first is that they didn't finish testing at first. Which might be why things haven't been going great with it so far. Interesting request for those getting a vaccine in Russia. Officials telling citizens, please avoid avoid the thiiii thi thi thi that thi that thi thi thi thi thi that thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi, thi, thi, their thi, their thi, their thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their thi, thi, thi, the the the the thei thei thei thei. thei thi thi thi. their their their thi. their those getting a vaccine in Russia. Officials telling citizens, please avoid drinking alcohol for two months after being inoculated. They say that alcohol impacts the immune system.

There have been some questions about the efficacy of Russia's vaccine. Reports say medical workers who have been vaccinated are still getting COVID. Vladimir Putin has also refused to take it. Wow, there's a lot to unpack here. First off, Russia's vaccine doesn't th, th, th, th, th, th, th, thiiiii, th, th, th, th, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, please thi, please thi, please tho, please tho, please tho, please tho, please tho, please thi, please thi, please thi, please thi, please thi, please thi, please thi, please thi, please thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thee thoi.auui. We' thooiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii.auui. We' thoi. We'a, thee refused to take it. Wow, there's a lot to unpack here. First off, Russia's vaccine doesn't allow you to drink alcohol? I mean, this is a tough situation because the only way you'd agree to take a Russian vaccine is if you were totally shit-faced. Not to mention, not drinking is going to cause a lot of problems because it means

that a lot of Russians are going to be seeing Russia sober for the first time. What is this? My home is frozen wasteland where top food is bits? What the hell is this place? I thought I live in Caribbean. Also, it doesn't build public confidence in the vaccine if your leader is like, I'll take my chances with corona. That vaccine is poison.

The big story of the day. The one thing we've been waiting for since March, no not Rianna's album, the vaccine. We have breaking news an historic moment for the nation that happened right here in our area. A Queen's nurse became the first person in the country to receive Pfizer's COVID vaccine. This is a massive undertaking every step of the distribution process crucial. In the past 24 hours, the vaccine doses which need to be kept at Arctic temperatures moved

from Pfizer's manufacturing facility to UPS and FedEx hubs, where they were loaded into planes and guarded trucks to be delivered to 636 predetermined locations nationwide. FedEx says that it receives a transmission every two seconds on the location of these vaccine packages. UPS says it's using Bluetooth technology as well to make sure that it has precise eyes in real time on where these packages are located. This is amazing news people. America approved the vaccine on Friday night and people started getting it this morning? You hear that COVID? Your days are numbered, bitch? You realize that this time next week we're

all going to be back in the club like shots, shots, shots, shots, shots, in my arm, please. But remember, as exciting as this is, developing the vaccine was only the first part. It is still going to be a huge lift to get, like to to the to the to the the to the to the the the the to get the the the the the the to get the the th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, thi, thi, thi, thi, th. th. the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th.. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi. thr. thr. thr. thr. thr-a. thrace, thr. thr. thr-a. threat, thr. thr. thi. thi. thi, thi. this is, developing the vaccine was only the first part. It is still going to be a huge lift to get it out of the lab and into the hospitals, because this vaccine needs to be stored at temperatures that are below negative 100 degrees Fahrenheit, which is freezing. At that temperature, the only people who can handle it are trained specialists with protective gear, and that one white dude who always wear shorts in the winter. Also, do you hear what they said? UPS and FedEx are tracking the location of these packages every two seconds. I'm not going to lie.

When I first heard that, my reaction was like, oh, now you motherfa'c can track packages like that. But when the Fudge I order gets lost in transit, it's all, oh sorry, nothing we can do about. I see how it is. Although, you know who I really feel shitty for in this situation? Is the FedEx and UPS drivers. They're hauling this vaccine all over the country, but they don't get one for themselves? Like if I was one of those drivers, I'll be rolling up with a bandaid on my arm, like, uh..'s your delivery of 999 vaccine doses. Happy inoculating, y'all. Even though vaccines are starting to roll out, we can still save tens of thousands of lives by just wearing masks and social distancing until everyone has immunity. So please, remind all your friends and co-workers about this.

Although, there's reminding, and then there's whatever Tom Cruise did. Tom Cruise reportedly let his COVID concerns be heard loud and clear while filming the new Mission Impossible movie in England in an audio tane from the Sun Tabloid which has not been authenticated by ABC News. Cruz was reportedly furious with staffers for ignoring safety protocols. I don't ever want to see it again. Ever! And if you don't do it, you're fire. And I see you do it again, you're f-gots gone.

And anyone on this crew doesn't. That's it. And you, and you, and you, don't you ever do it again? Work on the film had to be shut down in October when 12 staffers tested positive. Who-wee! Tom Cruise is pissed! Now, some people are saying that this is a bad look for Tom Cruise, but I disagree. Because, yeah, he's mad, but it's for a good cause.

You know, it's like getting recorded screaming, You guys are in big trouble if we don't get these toys to to children children children children children to to to to to to the children children children children children children children children children children children children to to to to to to to to to't get these toys to the children's hospital! I want to see happy kids or you'll never work in this town again! You're angry, but for the right reason. But for real, if anything, this should teach people just how serious this corona shit is, because remember, Tom Cruise is not scared of anything. This dude hangs off the side of a plane like it was any other Tuesday. He's even brave enough to put his dirty shoes on a black woman's couch. So the fact that even he's worried about COVID

is a reminder that no one is immune from this virus. Well, almost no one. The pandemic will not stop Santa Claus. That's the word from the World Health Organization. WHO's top experts address concerns about Santa's health during a news briefing at their headquarters in Switzerland. They want children everywhere to know that Santa Claus is actually immune to coronavirus. Yeah. Number of world leaders have relaxed quarantine measures so Santa Claus can enter their airspace and deliver gifts on Christmas Eve. Now that is great news. Santa Claus is immune from coronavirus and Climidia. Oh, just just Corona, not. Oh, not Climidia. Oh, no, no, not Climidia. Santa. Santa. Santa. Santa. Santa. Santa. Santa. Santa. Santa. Santa. Santa. Santa. Santa. Santa. Santa. Santa. Santa. Santa. Santa. Santa. Santa. Santa. Santa. Santa. that. Santa. Santa. that. Santa that. Santa that. that. Santa that. Santa Claus. that. that. that. Santa Claus that. to to that. Santa Claus. Santa Claus. Santa Claus. to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to Santa, that. that. that is. that Santa, that Santa, to Santa, to Santa to Santa to Santa to Santa to Santa to Santa to Santa Claus. Santa Claus. Santa Claus. Santa Claus. Santa Claus. Santa Claus. Santa Claus. Santa Claus. Santa Claus. Santa Claus. Santa Claus. Santa Claus. Santa Claus. Santa Claus. Santa Claus. Santa Claus. Santa Claus. Santa Claus. Santa Claus. Santa Claus. Santa Claus. Santa Claus. Santa Claus. Santa Claus. Santa Claus. Santa Claus. Santa Claus. Santa Claus. Santa Claus. to. to. to. Santa Claus is immune from coronavirus and Clamidia. Oh just just

Corona, not oh not Clamydia at all. Wow. Although I don't know if we should be celebrating this. I mean maybe Santa is immune because he's patient zero. Think about it. This all started when? Last winter, right? Around the same time that Santa goes everywhere around the world. I see what you did, Santa Claus. You owe those bats an apology. The Daily Show with Trevnoa, Ears Edition. Watch the Daily Show weeknights at 11, 10 Central on Comedy Central and the Comedy Central app. Watch full episodes and videos at the Daily Show. Follow us on Facebook, Twitter and Instagram and subscribe to the Daily show on YouTube for exclusive content and more. Cl cl cl. I, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, I, I, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th th th th th th th, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, thi, thi thi thi thi thi thi tha, tha tha tha tha tha tha tha tha tha tha tha tha tha tha tha tha tha tha Follow us on Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram,

and subscribe to the Daily Show on YouTube for exclusive content and more. When 60 Minutes premiered in September 1968, there was nothing like it. This is 60 Minutes. It's a kind of a magazine for television. Very few have been given access to the treasures in our archives. But that's all about to change.

Like none of this stuff gets looked at. That's what's incredible. I'm Seth Done of CBS News. Listen to 60 Minutes, a second look on Apple podcasts starting September 17.