The Daily Show: Ears Edition - Culture Wars: Moral Kombat - Book Bans on the Rise | Hasan Minhaj

Episode Date: February 16, 2022

Conservatives rally to ban books from America's school libraries, Roy Wood Jr. honors trailblazing Black winter Olympians, and Hasan Minhaj talks about his stand-up tour "The King's Jester." Learn more about your ad-choices at https://www.iheartpodcastnetwork.comSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

You're listening to Comedy Central. People are still today talking about Snoop Dog smoking weed before his Super Bowl performance. Which I don't even understand how anyone would even go like this is anything of anything to write about. But they're like Snoop Dog smoked weed before he's, I was shocked that Snoop Dog ever doesn't smoke weed. Do you know what I mean? Because to me that would just seem like more like a top-up. It's not like they made they they they they they they they they they they they made they made they made they made they made top-up. It's not like they made it seem like Snoop Dog smoked for the first time. Like the Super Bowl was about a start. Then he's like, oh shit, Curse, let me try this.

Like, there's a Snoop Dog. He's the guy of for him before it was legal. That's like he's the guy of weed. Like him and weed are like old friends from way back. And be like, did you see Snoop smoking? I would be shocked if Snoop didn't smoke weed. I was actually wondering, I was like, what if we don't know who Snoop, we know who Snoop, we know. weak, thi to thi. toe, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi. thi. thi. thi. to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to too. to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to told, told, told, told, told, told, told, told, told, told, too. too. too. too. too. too. the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the thooooooooo. too. too. too. too. too. so much weed that we think we know him, but what if that's not him? Like what if like we know, you know what I mean? He smokes his weed and then like he does his things? But what if he doesn't smoke his weed? He's like a totally different person. You know you'd be like, oh shit it's a dog? And then he hasn't smoke. Then he's like, oh, haha, hold on, I didn't. Sheikers. Coming to you from the heart of Times Square in New York City, the only city in America. It's the Daily Show, ears edition.

Tonight, the war on books. Black athletes conquer the cold. And Hassin Minha. This is the Daily Show with Trevor Noah. Hey, what's going on everybody? Welcome to the Daily Show. I'm Trevor Noah. Let's jump straight into today's headlines.

We kick things off with Russia's potential invasion of Ukraine, which at this moment in time is a little like a package sent via the post office. It could either come tomorrow or never. There's no way to know. The Biden administration says the invasion is all but certain, and has warned all US citizens to leave Ukraine immediately. Which I mean you'd think would be obvious at this point, but you've got to admit there's always that one person

who needs the danger spelled out for them. It's dangerous, can't you see? You know, it's like the people in horror movies. Honey, there's an evil clown at the door selling knives. I'm going to let him in. See what happens. But over the last couple of days, they have also been some promising signs of de-escalation. Like for instance, Russia said that it would continue negotiations and it claimed that it had pulled some of its troops away from the border, right? That's a really

good thing. And there's no way to know why this is happening, but I will say I'd probably put some of my money on this. Just across from Russia in the city of Marriopo, some Ukrainians are preparing, basic training for the whole family, learning first aid to treat gunshot and shrapnel wounds and weapons training. On a 762 caliber AK-47 is Valentina Konstantzchenovskia. The 79-year-old is a retired accountant and a great-grandmother. I'm ready to shoot if something happens. I will defend my home, my city, my children. Wow.

I've never seen someone who looks so adorable, sound so threatening. When the shit goes down, I will headshot a bitch from 300 yards. Some lemon in your tea. This woman is a bad ass, though, you know. Actually, if you ask me, I think this is a brilliant deterrent to have grannies on the front lines. No, think about it, think about it. Right? If you're part of the elite Russian invasion squad, there's no way in hell you want to get taken down by a 79-year-old woman. I mean, if that happens, they're probably going to make something up to to say your son was killed by very strong young man. Definitely not old woman who learned to use gun for days ago.

Oh, and just one more thing. Before you get to attach to Granny Rambo, the militia that's training her in that news clip, well, they're reportedly far-right ultra-nationalists with neo-Nazi tendencies. So, just a friendly reminder, everything you love will eventually disappoint you. But let's th th, th, thu thu thu thu thu thu thu thu thu thu thu to thu thu thi thi thi thi thi thi, I I I thi, I thi, I'm thi, I'm thi, I'm to to thi, I'm to to to to to to to tho, I tho, I tho, I tho, the, the, the, the, the, thu. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, to to to to to th. And, thi, thi, the the the the the the the the the thi, thi, thi, thi, the, the thean thean thean thean thean thean thean thean thean thean thean thean thean thean while Russia is threatening to violate Ukraine's sovereignty they're already violating the rules of the Olympics and it's causing a huge controversy in the world of figure skating. With the world watching her every move this morning 15-year-old Russian figure skater Kamela Vallieva is set to take to

the ice despite testing positive for an illegal performance-enhancing substance before the games. A positive drug test is going to be on the ice here in a few hours skating at the Olympic Games. I cannot believe I just said that sentence. The IOC saying that Valleva claims there was a mix-up with her grandfather's heart medication. International court deciding she can't th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thine, thine, to thine, thine, thine, thine, thine, thine, the to the toe, the tooe, the the the the, the, the, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, the, the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the, the, the, the, the, the, the, te, teo. teooooooooooooooooeaseasease, tea. tea. tea. te. te. te, still compete while they investigate further. In response, the IOC saying, if Valleva lands in the top three, there will be no medals handed out until the investigation is complete. I can't believe they caught someone cheating.

And they're still letting her compete while they investigate more. Like guys, it almost feels like the investigation is not about whether she cheat or not. It's almost like the real investigation here is, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, the, the, the, the, the, the, th, th, th, th, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, tho, their, thi, thi, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, th, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thr, thr, thr, thr-s, thr-s, tho, tho, thoo... tho. thoo. their, tho. their, their, their, their, It's almost like the real investigation here is, okay, let's see what these drugs can do. Let it rip. Well, come on, let's just see. We just want to know, right? Everybody wants to know. I also know that nobody believes her excuse. Right?

That she accidentally took her grandfather's heart medication. But I do. I do. growing up, me and my family. We always had a big bowl of loose pills all mixed together. It's an easy mistake to make. Is this one yours? I don't know. I know my estrogen has changed, Grandma, but I don't know. Meanwhile, everyone's obsessed with this girl

and the pills. That's all everyone's talking about. They're like, this 15-year-old took the teo' too too too too too too too too too too too I will say, you know, like, one of the things that shocked me about this story is that I've always pictured performance enhancing drugs and steroids for things that you need, like, powerful, do you know what I mean? Like, like, extreme power. Sprinting, lifting, bruh! I never thought I'd see the day where a figure sk lot of people are scratching their heads.

A lot of people have been asking this online, saying, why? Why is it that this Russian skater is still being allowed to compete in the Olympics when Carrie Richardson, remember her, she was kicked out of the Olympics after she smoked weed? Yeah, but apparently the reason for this, and I just found this out, is that one difference is that if you're a minor in sports and you get caught doping, they give you more leeway because you're young and you're impressionable and you may not be in control of what you're putting

into your body. Yeah, I didn't know that. That's a pretty big loophole in the anti-doping rules. I'm not saying Russia had't get in trouble. But if they did do it on purpose, I mean, you gotta admit that's a pretty slick move, you know? It's the same reason drug dealers put kids out on the corner. They're like, shit, the worst thing you get is Juvie, come on, man. But again, I'm not saying that I'm not saying that. I'm just saying don't be shocked it for the headlines. Let's jump straight into our main story. And this story is about America's favorite pastime.

The culture wars. Ooh, they're back, baby. You see, every few months, especially before elections, politicians in this country, they have to find a reason to rile people up so that they can drum up support and distract voters from the fact that they haven't solved any of their their their their their their their the fact that they haven't solved any of their real problems. Yeah, I know the bridges keep collapsing, and I know you don't have jobs, but we gotta focus on the real threat.

People are using the wrong bathrooms. Vote for me. And what always happens is the same, right? The problems pop up. And then after the elections, everything's magically not a problem anymore. Yeah. Like, remember kneeling during the an an anothehaphaphapapapapapapapapape, thovvvamam, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, thoomom, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, Yeah. Like remember kneeling during the anthem? Huge problem before the elections. Huge! Then after the election, suddenly it's over. Ma! Even M&M can do it. Yeah. The war on Christmas every year.

Huge problem. Huge! Then the elections, and then suddenly we can say Merry Christmas again. Oh. Remember when Mr. Potato Head lost his penis? It's a problem! It's a huge problem. This is our society. We're shutting down. Then the election came, and now he's got a huge hog. Biggest one you've ever seen. Hit's kids in the eyes with a,

BAP, BAP, Mr. Potato Head's back. Well, now we're getting close to another election. So that means it's time to find out what the latest the latest the latest the latest the latest the latest the latest the latest latest fight is all about in another installment of Culture Wars, Moral Combat! Culture Wars, Moral Combat. So the new culture war raging across America is over books, aka movies without the cool sound effects. Yeah, I always think the movies are better. I'm going to read a book and then I've got to do it myself. P-Pew-Pew, Poo, Pue, Poo, said Harry Potter. Now, even though most kids only read books in school their, their, their, to to to their, to to their, to their, c. their, c. C, c, cut, cut, their, their, cut, cut, their, cut, cut, culture, cut, culture, culture, culture, cut, culture, culture, culture, culture, c' their, culture, culture, culture, culture, culture, culture, culture, culture, culture, culture, culture, culture, culture, culture, culture, culture, culture, culture, culture, culture, culture, culture, culture, culture, culture, culture, c', c' c' c' c' c' c' c' c' c' c' c' c'ca, c' their, c' their, their, their, c' their'cul, c'cult, c'cult, c'cult, c'cult, c'cult, culture, culture, culture, culture, culture, culture, culture, culture, culture, c I gotta do it myself. Pee-pue, pew, pew, said Harry Potter.

Now even though most kids only read books in school to hide their erections, some parents and politicians have suddenly gotten very concerned about which books are available in schools. And they're dealing with this problem, that they invented to the New York Times, the pace at which groups of parents and officials and lawmakers are challenging books in school libraries has reached a speed that many haven't seen in decades.

Just since the start of the school year, the American Library Association has tracked more than 230 book challenges nationwide. Parents and school officials banning books at an unprecedented rate. Record requests to nearly 100 Texas districts found that during the first four months of this school year, parents made at least 75 formal complaints compared to only one file during the same period last year. A Virginia school district is pulling library books off of the shelves and some board members say they want to burn them. I want to look at every book that you guys, a copy of every book that is brought, pulled

out of circulation. I'm sure we've got hundreds of people out there that would like to see those books before we burn them. They want to burn books. We're not in the 1900s. We're living in 2022. We shouldn't be burning books. We have air friars and microwaves and all kinds of cool shit now. We could be like fillet-in-the-books. You know, we could be lightly roasting the books, put some butter and some salt. Ooh, you taste that book now? That's food for thought. See what I did there? But yeah, that's the situation right now. Pare. P. P. P. P. P. that's that's th. th. that's th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi. thi. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi. B. the thi. th. the the the the the the the the book. the book. the book. the book. B. B. the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. the. toe. toe. toea. toea. toea. toea. toea. toea. toe. toe. toe. toe. the. the. the. thought. See what I did there? But yeah, that's the situation right now. Parents across the country are trying to get books banned

from certain schools, right? And I'll be honest, if I was a kid in school right now, I would jump in and use this outrage to my advantage. Yeah, the parents would all be there like, we have to get these books off the shelves. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. to. to, to to get. to get, the books, the books, the books, the books, the books, the books. the books, the books, the books, the books, the books, the books, the books, the books, the books, the books, the books, the books, the books, the books, the books, the books. the books. the books. the books. the books. the books. th. th. th. th. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. th. th. th. th. th. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. throwne. throwne. throwne. throwne. th throwne. thee. throwne. throwne. throwne. throwne. thrownigonometry textbooks and the yearbook where I had that weird rash on my face, burn them all! Now I'll be honest, people, I don't know if these culture warriors have thought this through because making something forbidden just makes teenagers want it more. Think about it.

Any time, any time parents would say something would make them mad, what would happen? Their kids would want to do it even more. Yeah, now they're gonna be like, no books for these kids. You keep this up and soon, reading books is gonna be the new dating a black guy. And look, they have always been, don't get me wrong. They've always been some parents who've wanted books pulled from schools and libraries. That's always been a thing. wanted to ban Harry Potter for promoting witchcraft. Liberals want to ban Huckleberry Finn for using the N-word.

Mockingbirds want to burn that book about killing them. But recently, recently the number of books being targeted has gotten out of control. And the types of books that are being targeted now are very revealing. Books on race, gender and sexuality are disappearing from school shelves. Books about coming of age and reckoning with real world problems like depression, gender politics and racial injustice history like the Holocaust or slavery. One tells a story of school segregation, and the ho-sacoast. One tells a story of school segregation to the eyes of Mexican-American students.

One is about the march on Washington, and two are about civil rights icon, Ruby Bridges. One parent even asked the district to remove a biography of Michelle Obama, arguing the book promotes reverse racism. The district denied the request. I can't believe these people want to ban a Michelle Obama biography. It's a biography. That totally gives away the game thatthat this is more about ginning up a culture war than protecting kids. Because once you're banning a book about any first lady, that's political. I don't care what anybody says. There's no book about a first lady that's controversial. You know, unless maybe it's like Martha Jefferson's book.

One hundred and one tips for owning slave children who kind of look like my husband. Yeah, that's a little edgy for the kids, but otherwise it's pretty chill. And you can see how crazy this book banning trend has gotten, right? They're banning books about race, about gender, about sexuality, about emotions, about history. Guys, that's all books. Think about it. You take away all of those books and what are you going to be left with? A how-to book about making pottery? Wrong! That bars is too sexy. I also can't believe that they're going to ban Ruby bridges. You understand how crazy that is?

You're going to ban a book about Ruby bridges. So that poor girl needed have the National Guard escort out. And look, I'm not saying that schools shouldn't be allowed to curate what books they carry. I'm not saying that. I know people are going to say, you're saying that the schools shouldn't get to decide for them to, no, I'm not saying, I'm not saying that. theybrees have always decided which books are in, which books didn't stock it for me. They just gave me the space to read it. But I guarantee you, the vast majority of schools don't even have the most outrageous books that are on these lists. What's happening here?

What's happening here is that people are finding the most scary parts of the most scary books. And then they're making a bad-faiaughed-tha-a-ffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffff, their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their most, their most, theirsee, their most, their most most most their most most tmseease-s, tmwooo-s. tmwo. tmwo. tmwo. tmwo. their most most most most their most to go. And that happens even if you try and talk about books. Like if I say books shouldn't be banned, I know someone's gonna pull out the most extreme example from some random library at a school and be like, oh really, Trevor? You're okay with kids reading this? And I don't know.

Maybe I'm not. But now we're arguing about one page in one book as if that's the story. When the actual story is people are using these books as an excuse to go after all the books that they don't like. Because again, people, this isn't about books, all right? This is about keeping the culture war going for political benefits. You don't just have Republicans in dozens of states around the country suddenly realizing all at the same time. All at the same time, come on to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the tooes tooes, the the the the the tooes tooes tooes tooes tooes to gooes to gooes to gooes to gooes to gooes to gooes to gooes to gooes to gooes tooes the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the tooosuoooooosuoosuoosuoosuooooes., the the the the tooooooooooooooooes., the the the the the the the same time that there are books that they want to ban in their libraries. All at the same time? Come on. It's

happening because they think it's a winning issue, or at least they think it's more of a winning issue than Trump is secretly still the president. But I am, shut up, you're going to make us lose. And the problem with waging a political issue, is that when people are fighting a war, they don't want to just win an argument. No, they want to punish the enemy. In Wyoming, a county prosecutor's office considered charges against library employees for stalking books like, sex is a funny word, and this book is gay.

In Oklahoma, a bill sets a $10,000 bounty to be collected by parents for each day a challenged book remains on library shelves. Texas Governor Greg Abbott called for criminal charges against staff who provide kids with pornographic books. School librarians fearing for their own safety now over books. Many of us have had to take measures in our personal lives that we never would have imagined we had to do because of our profession

Wow people are you are you seeing this? You seeing this like this is the interview and insider gives when they're ratting out El Chappo Not when they've exposed the magical friendship between a pig and a spider I mean, just think about how insane things have gotten, where school librarians feel scared for their safety. They've got these crazy parents coming off to them on top of all the other stuff that they have to worry about on a daily basis. School shootings, COVID, their students finding out that they just made up the

Dewey decimal system to sound smarter than everyone else. This book is by by th is by th is by th is by th is by th Dr is by th Dr is by th Dr is by Dr is by Dr is by Dr is by Dr is by Dr is by Dr is by Dr is by Dr is by Dr is by Dr. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi. thi. thi. thi. the. the. the. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. I, th. th. I, th. I, th. I, th. thi. thi. I, thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. th. th. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. by Dr. Seuss. Is that under S? No, actually, that book's in 791.45 slash 75, you idiot! And look, man, it's one thing for parents to be upset about a book that their kid is reading at school. But once you offer a $10,000 bounty, think about what you're doing there. Now, you're using money to just try and stir up shit. I mean, of course, people are gonna start combing the shelves for anything that might pay out. Ten grand is a lot of money. Ten grand for banning a book is more than most authors made

for writing that book. So that's the latest culture war that's teering America apart. And who knows if it'll even stop there, because maybe it'll start in schools, but pretty soon, any place the kids go to to find books could become a target. Hey, y'all, Lovar Burton here, and I am so excited to read with you today. Our first selection is called Rosa. And it's the story of Rosa Parks who... So, as it turns out, that book is banned because reading about segregation is divisive. But since almost any book with black people these days is considered divisive,

here's one that doesn't have any people in it at all. It's about two penguins and their little baby. Both penguins are boys. Well, I'm told that that book is also banned because of sexual perversion, which is weird because there's no sex in the book at all. Y'all, they adopted the baby. What do you guys want? A mommy and a daddy penguin so the kids can make sure that the penguins are knocking boots?

All right, I've got one that they can't possibly have a problem with. Hop on pop. What? Disrespectful to parents? You've got to be kidding me. All right, listen, there are plenty of books to choose from. But you know what? No. Read the books they don't want you to. That's where the good stuff is. Oh shit, they're coming. Read band books! need ban books. Ooh, stay safe LeVar. All right, when we come back,

Roywood Jr. looks at the Winter Olympians you forgot about. You don't want to miss it. Welcome back to the Daily Show. As you know, it is Black History Month. And as you also know, the Winter Olympics are on. So to celebrate both at the same time, here's Roywood Jr. with a special episode of CP Time. Oh, oh, that's a nice time. Ah, welcome to CP Time. The only show is for the culture. Today, we'll be discussing the history of black Winter Olympians.

And I know when you think of Winter Olympians, you think of Bjorgon, Beyond, Beyond, Beyond Delan, and many other names that sound like IKEA tables. But not all Winter Olympians looked like they walked off Hitler's vision board. Take Debbie Thomas, an American figure skater who became the first black athlete to win a medal at the Winter Olympics. She had to overcome life-changing challenges that would break the most of us. Racism, sexism, and the cold. But Debbie's persistence got her to the 88 Olympics, where she faced off against East Germany's

Catarina Witt and the Battle of the Carmans, since they both skated to music from the opera Carmen, which just makes sense. I mean, what are the opera you go into ice skate too? My Traviata? PBS folks know what I'm talking about. Our next Winter Olympian is Tofiri Kabuka, a blind skier from Uganda who in 1976 became the first African athlete

to compete at the Paralympic Winter Games. 1976, it's not that long ago. George Jefferson was already in a deluxe apartment in the sky. Cool had already met the gang, and Bernie Sanders was a young 97. Still, Kabuka won five silver Paralympic medals and also scaled Mount Kilimanjaro. To cap it off, in 1996,

Kabuka became the first black flag bearer of Norway, where he still resides to date. I just hope that he never regains his sight and realizes that he's the only brother in that country. But sometimes you chase the dream, and sometimes the dream chases you. That's what happened to Matilda Amavipetjan, representing the nation of Togo in cross-country skiing in 2014. The crazy part? Matilda never even thought about skiing in the Olympics until her country reached out to her on Facebook.

Now that there is a DM. Only Facebook messages I get are from Russian Robot Booty. That's how I met my fiance, Tatiana 69-69. Love you baby. I'm sending my routing number shortly and I hope that my credit cards can get you those plane tickets to America. See you soon. But perhaps the most famous black winter Olympians are the 1988 bobsled team from Jamaica. They made no sense. Bob sledding requires ice, sleds an intense concentration for up to 1988 Bob Sled team from Jamaica. They made no sense. Bob sledding requires ice, sleds, an intense concentration for up to four minutes, none

of which Jamaicans were thought to have. But in 1987, Jamaica recruited a ragtag team of bobsleaders, including 22-year-old Devon Harris, who at the time was serving in the Jamaican army. I'll be honest in telling you I did not even know that Jamaica had an army. Who the hell is mad at Jamaica? Friendly people, if you're mad at Jamaicans, the problem is you. Now, Devin Harris and the rest of the team was, that they didn't even know what Bob Sled on top of a guy named Bob.

But of course it hadn't been that way since 1942 when Bob died. Poor bastard. Anyway, the Jamaican team somehow qualified for the 1988 Winter Olympics in Calgary, Canada. Even after crashing their sled more times than Bitcoin. And if that went crazy enough, the team recruited and trained a fourth member three days before the Olympic event. That doesn't seem like a lot of training, but two days is still more training than most

police officers. On the third run at the Olympic Games, the Jamaican team got into a horrible crash, and th. And th. And th. And th.. And th. And th.. And th. th. th. th. th. thi. thi. thi. their, thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. And thi. And thi. And thi. And, thi. And, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, thi. And, thi. And, thi. And, thi. And, thi. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, thi. And, thi. And, their, their, their, their, their, their, tha. And, tha. And, tha. And, tha. And, that that that that that that that that that that thate. And, that police officers. On the third run at the Olympic Games, the Jamaican team got into a horrible crash, and they were disqualified, but they heroically walked to the finish line. It was a dramatic moment that was made famous in the 1993 movie Cool Runnings, a movie I auditioned for,

but ultimately didn't get the part because of my quote offensive Jamaican accent. Come on now man you know me accent no offender man. Me grow up in Kingston, I smoked in real far, I eat the party. Stop. Stop. What? That was a terrible accent Roy? Wait, wait. Who's there? Who are you? It's me man? Devin Harris from the original bobslead team. I hacked into your monitor to tell you to stop doing doing th doing to do doing doing doing doing doing doing doing doing doing doing doing doing doing doing doing doing doing doing doing doing doing doing doing doing doing doing doing doing doing doing doing doing doing doing doing doing doing doing doing doing doing doing doing doing doing doing doing doing doing their their their Harris from the original Bob Slate team. I hacked into your monitor to tell you to stop doing a Jamaican accent. You sound like Miss Cleo had sex with Jarjah Binks. How did you hack into my monitor? Because I believe in myself.

And if you believe in yourself, you can do anything. Well, except for you, you'll never do a good Jamaican accent. It sounds like how fake dreadlocks look. So does this mean I can't audition for cool running's part two? There's not going to be a part two. And even if there was, you know, let's face it, you don't exactly look like an Olympic athletes. Now I would say you look like you're competing to be America's next toptop Steve Harvey. So, you know. Well, excuse me, I thought Jamaicans were supposed to be friendly. All that damn we just smoked one love my ass. I heard that. I hope you did. Well, that's all the time

we have for today. I'm Roywood Jr. And this has been CP time. Remember, before the culture. Now, since I got you here, tell me, have that, that, that, that, that, that, that that that that that that th, have th you all th you all th you all th you all th you all th you all th you all th you all th th th th th th tho the tho the their their their tho' their to to to to to their their their their thoome, thoome. thoom. thoom. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. their th. their their their their their thi. thi. their to to tooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo. t. time. Remember, before the culture. Now, since I got you here, tell me, have y'all ever thought about using dogs? That's a different type of sled. No, I mean, to like, to, as a team-ma'a'eat, to help you push. Have you ever seen Airbud? Thank you so much for that, Roy. former Daily Show correspondent and current superstar Hassan Minhaj. We'll be joining me on the show, so don't go away. Welcome back to the Daily Show. My guest tonight is a comedian, and he is a former Daily Show correspondent. He goes by the name Hassan Minhaj. He's here to talk about his stand-up tour, the King's Jester.

What's going on, Hassan? How you doing, my dude? What's up, man? Is this weird for you? This is upsetting. Why is it upsetting? It's upsetting? It can't be upsetting. It's just different. This feeling, this vibe, feels very red table talk right now. Oh, I like to be. You know what I mean? You're gonna tell me how my wife is sleeping with an arm Bisa? Hey, my friend, we can, we we we, we can, we can, we can, we can, we can, we can, we can, we can, we can, we can, we can, we can, we can, we can, we can, we can, we can, we can, we can, we can, we can, we can, we can, we can't this. this. this. this. this feeling, this, this, this. this feeling, this feeling, this feeling, this feeling, this feeling, this feeling, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this. this, this feeling. this feeling, this feeling. this feeling. this feeling. this feeling. this feeling, this feeling. this feeling, this feeling, this feeling, this feeling, this this this this this this this this this this this this feeling, this feeling, this this feeling, this feeling, this feeling, this feeling, this feeling, this feeling, this feeling, this good. Like, can I tell you, it's so much fun to watch good people get good things in life, you know? Like, like, you, dude, you were there at the very beginning of the daily show, my daily show, you know?

We went through the trenches. Together. Like, where people were like, it's terrible. tho, like, th, like, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th. th. th. th. that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, tho, tho, that, that, tho, tho, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, tho, tho, tho, tho, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the. the. to to to to to to the. to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to the. the. the. together. And, and to your credit, you didn't fire me. And I really needed health insurance at the time. I was like, you know, this dude from South Africa is here, heads are about to roll. I just got married. Like, I was like, bro, don't do this to me. Like, don't do this to me, yeah. And look at you now. Like, forgive me if I miss a thing, I thing, I thing, I thap, I, thap, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. tho. tho. thooo. thoooo. tho. thooo. this. this this this this this this this Congratulations, six seasons on Netflix. Then you leave that to go and do completely different

things. I mean then we see you and everything from like ads to shows that are like huge the morning show season two. Congratulations. I saw you're dancing with like Reese Witherspoon. I was like is this, am I? It's like, am I? It's like, you're not just doing TV? You're on tour again. You put out Homecoming King. Yes. Easily like one of the most innovative shows that anyone had ever seen. Your new tour now, you're doing the same thing. Same sort of thing where I've always liked it, the lighting design, stage design, graphics, I just feel like my brain already works that way visually. And so I always loved shows that that was, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, they, thi, thi, thi, their, thi, thi, their, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, their, thi, thi, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they. they. they, they, is they, is they, is they. And, is the, is thr, is thr, is thr, is thr, thr, thoooooooooooooooooo, is thoo, is tho, is ththat. And whenever you go to the UK or you actually watch theater, you see all those elements. Oh, that's interesting.

Do you see what I'm saying? When you go to, when you see a show on Broadway or you see a show in the UK, you'll see act breaks, you'll see changes of colors that thrown. So you think of it. the visual experience of going to see music that way, or going to see theater that way. And I always thought, why can't comedy be that? Here's a question I have with the show. Yes. So you've got all of these visual elements. Yes.

I don't want to give away any big parts of the show, but I know you have a joke about your infatility. Yeah. So are they visual aids that go with that? No, I didn't just like show a diagram. So speaking of my vasodifference, I didn't do anything. Okay, okay. But it's, but to me, the, what I love about comedy, in my favorite comedy is confessional. I'm gonna tell you something I'm too afraid to tell other people.

So actually the beginning of the conversations we had early on. I remember, Bina and I were trying to get pregnant while I was still at the Daily Show, and we could not get pregnant, and it was my fault. And I wasn't telling anybody about this. And I remember you would sometimes come up to me and be like, hey, man, you look a little glum. Like, are you OK? You and you and Binae OK? You and you guys are are you are you are tho and you guys are tho and you guys, you guys and you guys and you guys and you guys and you guys and you guys and you guys and you guys and you guys and you guys and you guys and you guys and you guys and you guys are they? I know, and kind of like Ken, I'm infertile. My genitals don't work higher. And that's like a, it's a thing you carry. It's not usually talked about for most men.

Yes. I start the show that way. Fertility, fatherhood, freedom of speech, all the things that I've been going through the past four or five years. I'm not that thatility, fatherhood, freedom freedom freedom freedom freedom freedom freedom freedom freedom freedom freedom freedom freedom freedom freedom freedom freedom freedom freedom freedom freedom, five years. I, I, don't even explain it. I just love that fertility, fatherhood, freedom of speech. I like how, yeah. It's like the, of course, these things, these things go together.

You're, you're a father of two though now. Yes, four and two, yeah. You enjoying it? You enjoying it? Yes, it's, you know, this is going to be public record and I just want my children to know I, it's been a thrill of a lifetime and it's, it's a true honor of privilege being their father. Are your kids starting to like show you a bit of your funny back to you? Yeah, they're really funny. Yeah, my daughter's like really, really funny. She knows, like, she knows, throwns, she knows, like, when, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, it's thi, it's thi, it's thi, it's thi, it's thi, it's thi, it's thi, it's thi, it's thi, it's thi, it's thi, it's thi, it's thi, it's thi, it's thi, it's thi, it's the the day she was getting into it with Bina and she knows, she knows like, look, when comedians will make fun of each other, we'll go,

I don't like that jacket, I don't like your hair. But her, she was arguing with Bina and she knew, I'm not even gonna mess with nouns, I'm gonna go write at adjectives, I'm gonna go look at your soul. She's like, mommy, don't tell me, to tell me. Wow. And my, Beena was just like, wow. I was like, you should just make fun of the way she looks. Yeah, don't talk about the content of a character. That's actually crueller than being like, I don't like your hair. But she nailed it to. Yeah, she was like, you're fake. And I was like, hey, like, you're projecting. I'm like, what is happening? What is going on right now? Okay, let me tell you something that's, I also want, I want the Twitter Adi to know,

I want everyone to know this. It was so cool of you. You also were one of the first people. That kind of gave me my first test drive through fame. Remember, you were my very awkward and weird? Did I say that? Yeah, you go, hey man, listen, listen, because you could see it in my eyes. Okay, yes, that's true. I didn't know I said awkward and weird. I didn't know, I didn't know, I said it in a very kind way. Okay, that. you thrown. that you thou' that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's the. that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's th. that's th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. you the. you you the. you you the. you the. you you the. you you the. you the. that's the. the. the. really profound quote. You go, listen, if you see anybody that you respect or admire, you should take a selfie with them tonight. You should treat fame like a rental car.

Take a spin around the block. That way when they take the car back, you won't feel like they're taking a piece of you. And I don't know if you remember this at the end of the night Gala and I was too nervous to say anything and you go, hey Nikki, turn around and you know she was like dressed like Dr. Seuss I remember that she turned around she turned around and you go look it's your cousin take a photo with your cousin and she was like what? No! No! And then she just walked off with her umbrella and I'm so glad she said no because I would have been that cousin that that had the swore tho their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their is their is their is their is their they's their is their is their is their is they's they's they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they's they's they's they's she's she's she's she's she's she's she's she's she's she's she she she she she she she she she she she she she she she she she she she she she so glad she said no, because I would have been that cousin that had the swollen testicle, is the reason why she didn't get the vaccine. Getty Images would have been like, swollen testicle menage.

Oh man. Is the reason why Nicky did not get the vaccine. Just Getty images my goofy. That was a fun night. That was a fun night. Before I let you go though. Yes. Radio City Music Hall. Radio City Music Hall. Five shows?

Man, congrats. Thank you, man. Like a thousand times. Dude, I remember like where you'd be like stressed about a show. Yes. You be like, oh man. thi, thrown. this is that what do you think of a... and look at you now. Yeah man. You deserve all of it my friend. For real man. One of the funniest people I know, one of the most insightful people, just in like how you've lived, how you've enjoyed, how you've done your thing. I do have to like,

I do have to like re-learn your name, which is weird. I'm not going to lie. Because it Because like all my Indian friends have like the way everyone says their name and they say their name at like work and then how their family says the name like. Like you're in the living room yeah the first time you hear it will be like with the dad yeah so you'll be like hey Hassan has it's like hey Hassan I'm like hey Hassan it, I'm like, am I trying to be his dad? Am I trying to be, you know? No, it's not that, look, for me, it just came to this moment in my career in my life where I'm like, all I really want to do is close the gap between who I am on Instagram and who I am on I-message, you. Okay, yeah, so that's the show. When do we get to WhatsApp you? What's that means to is really wild. That's where it gets.

All right, so just I message you for. This is cool, yeah. Okay. Yeah. And that's what I want to show the world. And that's what you show is. Yeah. Dude, I'll appreciate it. I'll be at the King's Jester are available on Hassanminhaj.com. We're going to take a quick break, but we'll be right back after this. Thank you, man.

That was amazing. That's so much. You see, it's different. It's fun. Until tomorrow, stay safe out there. Get your vaccine. And remember, if you want to read Michelle Obama's biography, the Daily Show, Weeknights at 11, 10 Central on Comedy Central, and stream full episodes anytime on Paramount Plus.

This has been a Comedy Central podcast.