The Daily Show: Ears Edition - Debunking Conservatives’ Excuses for Gun Violence

Episode Date: June 13, 2022

The latest wave of mass shootings in America has led Republican lawmakers to suggest solutions that involve everything but actual gun control. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

You're listening to Comedy Central. So much happening in the world. But America can't focus on any of that stuff. Because once again, America is reeling from mass shootings. All the way from Buffalo, New York to Yvaldi, Texas. People are asking how long can this keep going on. And here's the good news. In response, a major bill has been announced, which would ban the new sales of handguns and allow the government to forcefully buy back assault rifles in Canada.

Yeah, this is completely real. Canada saw what happened here, and they're shutting down guns there. Yeah. At this point, America is basically a scared, straight program that gets other countries on the right path. Yeah. It's like, you ever smell someone so bad, you know, that you decide that you the new th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th the new the new the new the new the new the new the new the new the new the new the new the new the new the new the new the new the new the new the new the new the new the new sales sales sales sales sales sales sales sales the the the the the the the the the new sales sales sales sales sales sales sales sales sales sales sales sales the the the the the the new the new the new the new the new the new the new the new the new the new the new the new the new the new the new the new the new the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the new the the thi sales thi sales tha tha tha tha tha tha tha tha tha tha tha tha tha' sales sales sales sales sales sales sales sales tha tha thanks th scared, straight program that gets other countries on the right path. Yeah, it's like, you ever smell someone so bad, you know, that you decide that you need to take a shower? That's what America is with gun laws now to other countries. They're like, we need to do something about guns. And while most Americans, liberals and conservatives are open to common sense restrictions on guns to keep Americans safe. There is still a small yet powerful group of gun f**** who believe the problem with gun violence is not because of guns.

No, it's because of everything else. Part of the problem is how this generation the kids exist mostly online. They see actual violence as is portrayed in the movies they watch, the music they listen to in the games, video games they play. When I played war growing up, my friends, the boys were allowed to be boys. I said to my friend Andy, bang, you're dead. But the difference is we knew it was fake. And Andy got up afterwards.

And we went and jumped in the fire hydrant, or whoever had a pool. What? First of all, why do I feel like Andy's fake? And second of all, what is this loser talking about? Kids know that games are fake, my man. No one is turning off Grand Theft Auto like, shit, I just ran over 80 pedestrians. Should I get a lawyer? Oh my god, I'm too young for jail. The argument that American music and video ca causes gun violence totally falls apart

when you realize the entire world listens to American music and plays American video games. Yeah, but they have nowhere the same level of America's mass shootings. And don't get a twist it. It's the same music, why they're not getting the same results. And please, please, please, gun fanatics. They don't just want to ban video games and music. No, no, no. It's going further. They also want to replace those things with what they say are some lost values. The only solution is Christ Jesus in being able to get some type of spirituality and prayer back into our schools.

Right now today we live in a country where our millennials participation rate for churches is under 30% in a lot of locations. This is the lowest church participation we've ever had as a nation. And so it just shows you why you see so much chaos in our streets. I mean, that could be one solution. We need to bring Jesus into our schools. I thoo. I mean, I don't th th th th th th th th th tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho thi thi tho tho to tho to to to to tho to tho. tho. thi tho. today today today today today today today today today today tod. tod. tod tod tod tod tod tod tod tod th today th. tod the the the the the the the the the their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their today, today, today, the today, the today, today, today, today, today, today, t. Yeah, I mean, that could be one solution. We need to bring Jesus into our schools. I mean, I don't know how Jesus would feel about that. Yeah, because if I was Jesus, I'll be like, yo, forget that. Look at what you guys did to me with nails.

I'm not coming back when there's guns. You've got AR-15. Shit. I learned. on my lesson. But again, if you think gun violence in America is high because people aren't going to church, then why don't they have the same gun violence in Europe? Because there nobody goes to church. It's like a thing that's done now. If you go to church in Germany, you'll be the only one there. Even the preacher will be like, ah! Oh, geez! You scared the shit out of me. Nobody comes in here anymore. I even there was a door. Oh, oh, oh my God, that was crazy. Oh. The point is, gun lovers have been blaming the same causes

over and over again for decades, although this time, to their credit, they've come up with a new thing to blame. It's not the guns, it's the books. We stop teaching values in so many of our schools. Now we're teaching wopeness. We're indoctrining our children with things like CRT. Yeah, that's right. That's how evil critical race theory is.

It's only been around for like a year, and it's already caused three decades of school shootings. It's really tough. It goes back in time it's so powerful. Look man I know you guys want to blame anything but guns but it still has to make sense can we agree on that right you can't just blame stuff that you are already mad at. These guys are like maybe there wouldn't be so many you know violent shootings in schools if my wife would stop flirting with the landscaper I mean is it just me?

They make me it sound like there used to be a lesson that was about the importance of not shooting people, but they never got to it because they spent too long on teaching slavery. This doesn't make any sense. And if it's not religion, and if it's not video games, and it's not the music, what else could it be? Well, according to some gun lovers, maybe it was the school. One of the things that everyone agreed is don't have all of these unlocked back doors. Have one door into and out of the school.

I would like to see this a national push toward, instead of parents buying their kids all these tools and toys and games, invest in the classroom to make it safer. They have blankets that you can put up on the wall that are colorful and beautiful, but the wall that are colorful and beautiful, but they're ballistic blankets. We need to install man traps, a series of interlocking doors at the school entrance that are triggered by a trip wire. The trip wire can be a gunshot, broken glass, a manual switch tossed by a school employee, and it traps the shooter like a rat. Are these people hearing themselves? You think kids can't tell fantasy from reality, but your suggestions are like, how about we

make a school with steel doors that slam and windows that turn into concrete or even better the whole school becomes a transformer. Yeah, so that way when the school shooter comes, the whole school can run away from it. Not to mention, have you guys ever been in a school? You realize the fire alarm gets pulled as a prank, like once a week? You think the jocks aren't going to be constantly tossing nerds into the man trap? Do you listen to yourselves? Do you listen to yourselves?

And even if those ideas don't work, even if they don't, there's one solution that conservatives love to come back to time and time again. And over the weekend, it was proposed yet again by none other than Donald Jahad Trump. What we need now is a top-to-bottom security overhaul at schools all across our country. And above all, from this day forward, every school in America should have a police officer or an armed resource officer on duty at all times.

Yeah, yeah, you know, you always hear people saying this after a school shooting. What we need is armed police officers in the school. What's amazing about the debate this time is that they're still saying it, even though in the shooting that just happened, there was an armed police officer and it didn't help. Yeah, classic Trump proposing a solution after it already failed. I mean, he would have been a lot of fun in the lifeboats after the Titanic. Next time we should just ram that iceberg really hard.

What's the worst that could happen? What do you think, Jack? What do you think? And as we've all heard by now, there wasn't just an armed resource officer on the scene. There was a whole platoon of police officers who responded to the shooting, but didn't do shit to stop it while it was still going on. And I'm willing to guess it's because they were also shit scared of a gunman armed with an AR-15. I feel like that's where we have to ask ourselves.

As a society, do we want to live in a world where where where where where where where where where where where the world world the world the world the world thua we want to live in a world where anyone can legally buy weapons that the police are scared of? And just by the way, for me, it's been amazing to see how some people love guns so much that they've gone from Blue Lives Matter to screw these bitch-assed cops. If they're not here to get shot, then what's the point of having them around? F, the police. Oh, now you don't the cops the cops the cops the cops you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you the cops the cops the cops the cops the cops the cops the cops the cops the cops the cops their their their thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi. B, thi. B, thi. B, thi. B, th thi. thi. thi. thi. thi thi th th th to to to to to their then what's the point of having them around? F. the police. Oh, now you don't care about the cops' lives? Like, I don't know. Maybe it's just me. I would rather say get rid of the Air 15s and make these officers' jobs a lot more safe.

Maybe it's just me. It's wild crazy how the cops didn't do anything, right? They shoot people because they think they have a gun. And then now they're like, they know it's a gun, they're like, well, we can't shoot them. If it's a wallet, maybe, but I mean. So look, I know that America is never going to do what Canada is doing. I don't even expect that. There's a gun culture in this country that is far too ingrained to ever truly get rid of it.

And I also know that we're not going to stop gun violence altogether. I'm not naive. But I would hope, I would just hope, that after a tragedy like this, Americans could agree that losing some of these.