The Daily Show: Ears Edition - Democrats Plan Their House Takeover and Fire Up the Subpoena Cannon | Maurice Ashley

Episode Date: November 15, 2018

Kanye West hires private firefighters to save his home in California, House Democrats flex their majority muscles, and chess Grandmaster Maurice Ashley sits down with Trevor. Learn more about your ad-choices at https://www.iheartpodcastnetwork.comSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

You're listening to Comedy Central. Hey everybody, John Stewart here. I am here to tell you about my new podcast. The Weekly Show is going to be coming out every Thursday. So exciting. You'll be saying to yourself, TGID. Thank God it's Thursday we're going to be talking about. All the things that hopefully obsess you in the same way that they obsess me. The election. Economics. Earnings calls. What are they talking about on these earnings calls? We're going to be talking about

ingredient to bread ratio on sandwiches. And I know that I listed that fourth, but in importance, it's probably second. I know you have a lot of options as far as podcasts go, but how many of them come out on Thursday? I mean, talk about innovative. Listen to the weekly show with John Stewart, wherever you get your podcast. November 14th, 2018. From Comedy Central's World News Headquarters in New York, this is the Daily Show, everybody. Take you so much for coming out. Take a seat, everybody.

I'm Trevor Noah. Our guest tonight is the world's first black chess grandmaster. Maurice Ashley's joining us everybody. today's today, thear. I'm Trevor Noah. Our guest tonight is the world's first black chess grandmaster. Maurice Ashley is joining us everybody. And he's going to explain to us exactly how the horse moves. But first, let's catch up on today's headlines. Melania Trump, you know those movies where the beautiful but mysterious woman with a foreign accent is actually a secret assassin? Well, maybe we should have seen this coming. A dramatic move by Melania Trump that apparently blindsided top White House aid. Melania Trump's office releasing a statement publicly blasting a national security official. The first lady called for Deputy National Security Advisor, Mirro-Ricardel to be fired,

complaining directly to her husband about being unhappy with her cardel during her first solo trip to Africa in October. The two fought over seating on the plane and using National Security Council resources for the trip. The First Lady's office issued a statement saying, she no longer deserves the honor of serving in this White House. Sweet Lord, Melania does not mess around. We barely hear from her, and then she does speak it's to fire somebody and like whatever this lady did must have made Melania so mad because you realize Trump cheats on her and she's pretty chill about it

But then Melania goes on a flight and all of a sudden she's all like bitch took aisle seat And like honestly, I don't even know who this is mirror Ricardell? Who is this person that they're firing? Like they're running out of people, we know to fire. This is like Walking Dead season 6. Oh no, they killed Derek. Moving on, the California wildfires continue to destroy homes and property, but some people aren't having it. TMC is reporting that rapper Kanye West hired a private firefighting team to help his California home keep safe from the wildfire in Malibu.

That home sits at the end of a cul-de-sac. If that home caught on fire, it would have led to a ripple effect through the neighborhood, West says. So, the family hired a team of firefighters, armed with hoses. It worked worked worked worked worked worked worked worked worked worked worked worked worked worked worked worked. The firefighters. The firefighters. The firefighters fired fired fired fired fired fired fired fired fired fired fired fired fired fired fired fired. the fire fire fire fire fire fire fire fire fire fire fire fire fire fire fire fire fire fire fire. the fire. the fire. the fire. the fire. the fire. the fire. the fire. the fire. the fire. the fire. the fire. the fire. their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their hoses. It worked. The firefighters saved their $60 million home and several of their neighbors' homes as well. Okay, there's rich and then there's private firefighter rich. Yeah, I'm pretty certain their hoses don't even have water. They just used crystal.

You probably didn't even know that Lamborghini made a fire truck, did you? You didn't know that. Like, I didn't even know that private firefighters were a thing. But I guess when you're that rich, you just pointed someone and they become your personal firefighter. She's like, hey, you, fight the fire. It's like, screw you, Kanye. Oh, how much? Yeah, I'm fighting. I'm fighting the firefiter. Fighter for money! And it's weird that Kanye hired personal firefighters, but it's not the weirdest thing I can imagine him doing. Honestly, I wouldn't be surprised if he just tried to talk to the fire about his theories on creativity. And after 10 minutes, the fire's like, you know what, I'll just put myself out.

I'm done. Moving on to other news, fortnight. It's a game about to kill and now it's about to get violence. The NFL is partnering with the popular video game Fortnite and it's creating some controversy. Players are using the NFL uniforms now available in the game to create controversial players. Among them is one avatar that looks like Aaron Hernandez holding a gun. Players have also made characters that look like OJ Simpson and Colin Kappernick. Okay, now, first of all, that's a weird list of controversial players.

A convicted murderer, a guy accused of double murder, and a guy who kneeled a few times. Okay, news, fair enough. And also, why put OJ into fortnight? It's literally bringing a knife to a gunfight. That's a waste of time. And I love Colin, but he's going to be useless to useless, to useless, to use to to be to be to be to be taken to be taken to be to be taken to be to be to be to be to be to be takea to be to be thoease thoease thogea thogea thogea thiogea, tho-a, thogea, thogea, thogea, thogea, th. th. thiol-a, thiol-a, thiolk. thi. thi. thi. thi. That's a waste of time. And I love Colin, but he's going to be useless in fortnight. Everyone's shooting and he's just taking a knee behind the bush. What good is that? We see you, Colin. We see you! All right, let's move on to our top story. The Democrats. Now, you guys may be too young to remember this. Back in the day, they used to run these streets. At one, at the streets, at the streets, at the streets, the streets, the streets, the streets, the streets, the streets, the streets, the streets, the streets, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, tho, tho, we'll, we'll, we'll, we'll, we'll, we'll their, we'll their, we'll their. We're their. We're, we'll, we'll, we'll, we'll, we'll, we'll, we'll, we'll, we'll, we'll, we'll, we'll, we'll, we'll, we'll, we'll, we'll, we'll, we'll, we'll, to, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, toy. toy. toy. toy. toy. toy. their. We're their, their. We're their, their, their, their, they used to run these streets. At one time, they had everything. They had the House, the Senate, and a black president who spoke English. Anyway, after eight years of impotence, the House Democrats are back in command. And it turns out, that they won the election so hard last week that they're still picking

up seats. Every day, we learn of a new seat that the Democrats have won. Basically, the elections have turned from a one-day event into the credits of a Marvel movie. It just never ends. It's like, well, that was a great move. Oh, there's more? Oh, okay. Another one. I got, oh, still more. All right. I guess we have no money paid for five-a- So now that the Democrats are back in control of the House, they're making some big plans

for next year. Winning the majority gives Democrats the power to set the House agenda. Democrats winning control of the House makes Nancy Pelosi the presumptive speaker, she's already laid out her top three policy priorities, campaign finance and ethics reform, lower drug prices and infrastructure. Thanks to you, tomorrow will be a new day in America. Yeah, a new day in America. Not so new that I'm not still in charge, but still kind of new.

New-ish, the new show on ABC. Now look, I joke about Nancy being in charge for a long time, but she is right. There is a lot of new faces coming into Washington. In fact, the incoming freshman class of Democrats is being called the most diverse ever. Check out this photo. Look at that. That's who's coming in.

That is so diverse. It's insane. It looks like, it looks like a stock photo in a college brochure. That's what it looks like. And it's not just the Democrats. The Republicans have also welcomed their most diverse group ever. Look at that. Look at that.

They have old white guys. They've got old white guys. They've got bold white guys. They've got white guys. They've got the white guys. They've got the white guy from S&L and the one guy who I think is Latino, but if they start rounding them up, I'm pretty sure he's going to be white. So many different types of white guys.

But the Democrats will have the power to investigate the Trump administration. And they're definitely planning to use that power. Democrats have flipped control of the House. And thus, Washington is bracing for an onslaught of investigations. Democrats are loading what they are calling a subpoena cannon with more than 85 Trump targets. Come January, we get subpoena power. We can subpoena relevant documents, subpoena witnesses, and it's really too late for Donald Trump to put the horse back in the barn. Wow, subpoena cannon.

Poor Trump, for the next two years, he's gonna be in subpoena hell. It's gonna be subpoenas popping out of him from everywhere. I'm gonna opening up his KFC bucket, drumstick, no subpoena. Reaching for a towel in the bathroom. Ah, subpoena, damn you! Every night he's gonna wake up in the mood, Sabina? And if you're wondering what specifically the Democrats will investigate Trump over, his taxes, collusion with Russia, the answer is yes. Yes to everything.

And listening to the future chairwoman of the powerful House Appropriations Committee, it seems like they're really going to enjoy it. Should the majority look into these issues related to the future chairwoman of the powerful House Appropriations Committee, it seems like they're really going to enjoy it. Should the majority look into these issues related to President Trump that has come up? The Space Force. Yes. James Comey's firing. Yes. The travel ban.

Yes. The family separation policy. Absolutely. in Puerto Rico. Oh. White House staff use of personal email. Oh, for sure. I wish I enjoyed sex as much as she enjoys investigating Trump. Absolutely. Oh, for sure. Now, look, I hope for her sake and for the Democrats that the plan isn't just to run around investigating all of Trump's farts, right?

Because although there are many issues worth investigating, things like Space Force don't rise to that level. And Democrats need to be strategic about what they investigate, because Republicans have already come up with a response. President Trump tweeting about what his future could hold under a Democrat-controlled house. The prospect of presidential harassment by the Dims is causing the stock market big headaches, using the same term Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell used just last week.

The Democrats in the House will have to decide just how much presidential harassment they think is good strategy. I'm not so sure it'll work for them. Wow. Mitch McConnell is brilliant. It's no longer congressional oversight. Now it's presidential harassment. Man. They're harassing the president. How can the most powerful men in the world be the victim? This is like God complaining about being bullied. They said, I look like Santa. And that's why I sent the volcano. But look, we joke around, but presidential harassment is a serious issue in America.

Which is why, before the Democrats take power, they're going to have to watch this video. If you're watching this, you just won back the House of Representatives. Congrants, congrats, socialists. But before you take charge, here's what you need to know about presidential harassment. For starters, don't try to touch the president's intimate areas, like his tax returns. That's a private area that's reserved for the president's wife and his Russian investors. On the other hand, do look for cues that you're making the president uncomfortable. Watch his body language to see if he becomes protective of his space.

In this way, the president is a lot like a rabid raccoon. And finally, do let him harass you. And believe me, he will harass you. That may seem unfair, but think of the president as a stripper. He can touch you, but you can't touch him. Even if you fell in love with her six years ago. Bought her a car. So there you have it.

Creating a comfortable work environment for the president is easy, as long as you just do whatever he wants. And if you ever wonder, should you impeach the president, thi thi. Think of this helpful acronym. N as in no. Guess we just could have said no. That concludes the presidential harassment seminar. Up next, Jared. What exactly does he do again? Michael Costa, everyone.

We'll be right back. Hey everybody, John Stewart here. I am here to tell you about my new podcast, The Weekly Show coming out every Thursday. We're going to be talking about the election earnings calls. What are they talking about on these earnings calls? We're going to be talking about ingredient to bread ratio on sandwiches. I know you have a lot of options as far as podcasts go, but how many of them come out on Thursday? Listen to the weekly show with John Stewart, wherever you get your podcast.

Welcome back to the daily show. My guest tonight is the first black chess grandmaster. He's also a commentator and teacher of the game. Please welcome Maurice Ashley. So- Well, thrown Welcome to the show. Thank you, thank you. So I should know the answer to this question, but what is a chess grandmaster? How do you become a grandmaster in chess? A grandmaster is the highest title you can have in the game.

So you have to beat other grandmasters, top players from around the world. So, you know, basically we're just badass. But if you beat, if you beat a grandmaster, then, if you beat a grandmaster, then, if you beat a grand Grandmaster then? They had the Grandmasters back in the 1900s, the early 1900s, 1914, and the top players. And once they establish them as Grandmasters, then, you know, the rest of us come up, you don't just invert and the title. So Grandmaster means you basically know all the chess. You call it a horse, you call it

a horsey earlier. I actually did play chess in school. We had to choose a sport and then there was like options like rugby which is our version of football and I was like I don't want to get hurt and then I chose chess. And then you know what's interesting is I say that now but you can't see this in the cameras but if you look at like like Maurice. M. M. the the their. their. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I the the th. I the th. I th. I th. I the the th. I th. I th. I've th. I've th. I've th. I've th. I've th. I've th. I've th. I've th. I've th. I've to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to their. I've. I've. I've their. I their. I their. I their. I their. I their. I their. I their. I the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. I th. I've th. I've th. I've th. I'm th. I've the. I've te. I've te. I'm tell. I'm tell. I've to. I've to to th. I th. I th. I th. I've th. I say that now but you can't see this in the cameras but if you look at like Maurice's arms like I've met a few chess players recently you guys have a lot of muscles for people who just move a piece of plastic around no no chess pieces are heavy man but this is a real thing you actually have to try and be in shape to play chess well. Is this a true thing? It's absolutely true. When you're sitting there four or five hours playing, you're concentrating, you need the stamina,

you need the stamina, you need to be able to focus that kind of time, you've got to be in shape. And all the top players, and all, and all, their, their, their, their, their, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, thiiiia, thia, thi, thi, thi, thi, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, thi, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tha, tha, tho, tho, tho, you're tho, you're tho, you're tho, you're tho, you're tho, you're tho, you're th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. tha, tha, tha, tha, tha, tha, tha. tha. thauuu. thaua. thaua. thea. thea. thaua. thea. the You see that's mind blowing to me because I mean you talk about these people. Some people may know Magnus, you know he's a world celebrity now. I mean he models as well, he does endorsements for Porsche and everything. You commentate on the games. I find your story fascinating, you know, because you come from a world where you go, you don't think that a got into. Right? Chess was that sport that maybe you saw the old guys playing in the hood. It wasn't like something everyone wants to get into. But you played it, you got good at it, and what I like is that you brought elements of the hood into the way you commentate on chess now. What was it?

Like, why did you do that? And how did you get into it? in Brooklyn, I'm from Brownsville, Brooklyn, Brooklyn, in the building. Now, Brownsville, we say Brownsville was so rough because Mike Tyson was from Brownsville. Brownsville was so rough, Mike had to get out of Brownsville. And the people who played chess in the hood, the brothers were usually the cool guys. Right. They're like the old guy. So they, I was playing chess with your sister last night.

Wait. The idea that guys are trash-talking. I mean trash-talking all the time. So you get that in your head. You get used to being distracted by players while you're playing. And you just stay cool. So now what I do commentary, I do the same thing. I try to bring that energy and that flow from the hood, you know, it's just normal. It's a game that many people have lauded as the ultimate thinker's game. You know, CEOs have said you learn chess and you learn how to defeat your enemies in the boardroom.

You teach people chess tactics in life. Is of all, chess is cool. I agree. I'm telling you I play chess. I'm not lying about that. I play chess. You know, you trash on this show before. Yes, yes, you did. The same way I make jokes about South Africa. I love the jokes.

I make jokes about myself. I love chess. I thought it was a good segment though. I love South Africa. I make jokes. I make jokes about myself. I love chess. I thought it was a good segment though. I thought it was funny. I thought it was funny. I thought it was funny. But still. But no, chess is used all the time as metaphors for politics and business and sports. I mean it's always being used. You always hear you're watching football and it's like oh yeah they just substituted that guy and it's like a chess match match. the the the the guy. the guy. the guy. the guy. the guy. the guy. the guy. the guy. the guy. the guy. the guy. the guy. th. th. It's th. It's like. It's like. It's like. It's like. It's like. It's like. It's like. It's like. I's just just. It's like. I'm just just just just just just just just. I'm. I'm. I'm. I's. I's. I's. I's is just. I's is just. I's is. I's is. I's is. I's is. I's is. I's is. I's is. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. Right, right, right. You always see that. So yes, it's a thinking game, strategic game. It's one against one. You've got to figure out your best ideas. And as soon as you figure it out,

the other person's coming back at you with their best ideas. So yes, it's just like business politics, you name it. that you apply in life? That the other person is more important than you are. Right? Because we get inside our heads, we got our own opinions, this is me, this is my best ideas. It's like Democrats and Republicans talking across from each other, right? But when you play chess you realize the other person has valid points and you've got to really get inside their head more than anything else. So it's not my best idea that counts. It's your best idea. And how am I going to beat you? Is by really studying what you want?

And that's where the deep strategy comes into the game. That's fascinating. So we need to teach the president how to play chess, is what you're saying. That's going to be really hard, man. Don't be hard. Dude, I'm excited for the world championships. Thank you so much for coming to the show. Maurice Ashley, everybody. at 11, 10 Central on Comedy Central and the Comedy Central app. Watch full episodes and videos

at the Daily Show.com. Follow us on Facebook, Twitter and Instagram, and subscribe to the Daily Show on YouTube for exclusive content and more. podcast. John Stewart here. Unbelievably exciting news. My new podcast, The Weekly Show. We're going to be talking about the election, economics, ingredient to bread ratio, on sandwiches. Listen to the weekly show with John Stewart, wherever you get your podcast.