The Daily Show: Ears Edition - Elon Musk: Visionary FutureMan, Narrated By William Shatner

Episode Date: August 21, 2022

Elon Musk: part Thomas Edison, part Iron-Man, part annoying dude in the group chat. He's eccentric, terminally online, but also anything but the standard CEO. This is "The Daily Showography of Elon Musk."See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

You're listening to Comedy Central. What do you think of when you think of the future? Is it space travel? Robots? Trucks with the word cyber in front of them? Whatever your vision, there is one man working to make it a reality. He's part Thomas Edison, part Iron Man, part annoying dude in the group chat, and is anything but your standard CEO. I changed my title to Techno King.

And by the way, this is a formal SEC filing. It's, I'm legally, a formal, whatever, Techno King. I just did that as kind of like a joke. Yes, he's the Technicking, but as a joke, and soon will all be his service, but in a funny way. Because while he may be an eccentric satellite launching terminally online billionaire, who wants to plug people into computers and build a vast network of underground tunnels, it's not like he's some kind of super villain. Eventually you can transform Mars into an Earth-like planet.

Drop thermonuclear weapons over the poles. Well, maybe a little. So strap-in, turn on the autopilot, but keep your hands on the steering wheel in case of pedestrians. Because this is the daily showography of Elon Musk, visionary future man. Elon Musk was born in Pretoria, South Africa, in Earth Year, 1971. His father made a fortune in construction and ameral mining because Africa's resources

are like free money for white people. Badly bullied in school, Elon overcame many hardships, although unlike other South African celebrities, he didn't make his childhood into a whole thing. By age 10, he was learning to program computers. At 12, he built a video game he called Blastar, which started his lifelong love of inventing things that already exist. Soon after, he left South Africa and made his way to a booming Silicon Valley, where he launched his first company, Zip2, which he eventually sold to compact computer for $305 million.

Like so many tech entrepreneurs, he earned his unimaginable wealth by doing something invaluable for society, selling a startup you've never heard of to a company that doesn't exist anymore. Musz celebrated by buying himself a million dollar supercar. There are 62 my parents in the world and I will own one of them. Yes, Musk was so rich he could afford to have a midlife crisis while he was still in his 20s. Sadly, his new toy wouldn't last long. I didn't really know how to drive the McLaren.

Because it's like a difficult car to drive, and I floored it and did a lane change, and the brackle the car thrown around. And then the the the the the the car the thine thine th we hit the embankment and knocked the car into the air which continued spinning like a discus like three feet in the air. That's right. Musk's McLaren crashed worse than Dodge coin after Saturday Night Live. For his next act, Musk created X.com which would later become PayPal. The app your uncle had to use because Venmo and cash app won't work on a Nokia.

Must took the money you made from that business and built an empire of cool ass shit. Rocket ships, electric cars, solar farms, artificial intelligence, neuro-technology, and underground highways all while dating celebrities and starting a record label to release his own EDM track. A banger all the more impressive, considering Musk had clearly never heard music before. Yes, Elon Musk refuses to stay in a slay, much like a Tesla on autopilot. Now I'm not just changing this by itself. Tesla's groundbreaking cars.

Ludicrous speed! Go! Brought unprecedented power range and sexiness to electric vehicles, a market previously reserved for nerds who cared about the environment, and Musk even promised the dream of full self-driving technology. No hands, no, feed nothing. Like promised repeatedly. I'm confident that in less than a year, you'll be able to go from highway on-ramp to highway exit without touching

any control. Holy shit, it just ran that red light. In fact, in offensiope that the tip. The call will be able to take you from point to point. Oh, fuck. Jesus. I think we're basically less than two years away from complete autonomy. Oh, shit. Oh shit.

Shit, we hit that. Cross country from LA to New York by the end of the year, fully autonomous. I'm extremely confident of achieving full autonomy and releasing it to the Tesla customer base next year. But Musk can't stop dreaming big even when he probably should. Oh my god. Like when SpaceX made history with the world's first reusable rocket technology and then used it to launch the first car into space. Technically the second, if you count, Elon Musk's McLaren,

Musk's special brand of achievement is one of a totally normal and healthy fan base around the world. But success didn't come easy. He had to overcome a lot of doubters, starting with himself. I don't want to give the impression that I thought Tesla would be successful from the beginning. I actually thought we would fail. We were only a few days from bankruptcy. It pushed him to the brink. Must could have gone from being a multi-billionaire all the way down to the very lowest rung of society,

millionaire. But through the years, Musk kept his many ventures going with little more than his can-do attitude. Oh, Jesus, sorry. And billions of dollars in government subsidies. Today, Musk isn't merely the richest man in the world, his net worth is higher than the GDP of most countries. Should must be a country? He does have a national anthem. But don't worry, it's not like he's got an army or anything. I went to Russia to look at buying a refurbished ICVM, which is a very trippy experience. Okay, maybe worry a little.

And he's not just great at making money, he's also an expert saving it, by paying almost nothing in taxes for three years.... And. And, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, thi. And, their, thi, thi, thi, their, their, their, their their, thi, does, does, does, does, does, does, does, does, does, their their their their their their their their, does their their their their their their their their their thi. He, does. He, does. He, thi. He, does. He, does, thi. He, does, thi, does, does, does, their thi, does, does, does their their thi, does thi, does thi, does thi, does thiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii, does thiiii, does thii, does their their their thi, maybe worry a little. And he's not just great at making money, he's also an expert saving it by paying almost nothing in taxes for three years, and then actually nothing in 2018. Of course, there's always haters who are like to nitpick must business methods. There are charges of unreported injuries, excessive hours, abusive conditions, injuries on the job, breathing toxic fumes, over a hundred ambulance calls. I don't think that's correct. I mean I was literally living in the factory. If these, if those like toxic fumes, I'm

breathing them, okay. Exactly. Does Musk seem like a man who is inhaling toxic fumes? But Elon Musk also understands that all work and no play make X-A-12 a dull boy. And like any well-adjusted person, his favorite pastime, is spending 12 to 14 hours a day on Twitter. So it made sense when Musk announced that he would buy the social media platform, and even more sense when the deal spun out of control and crashed into an unbankment. But Musk doesn't only use Twitter for th fun thu thu thu thu thu thu thu thu th th th th th th th th th th thui thus thus thus thus thus thus thus thus thus thus thus thus thus thus thus thus thus thus thus thus thus thus th th th th th th th th th th th th th thus thus thus thus thus thus thus thus thus thu thu thu thu thu thu thu thu thu thu. thu. thu. thus thus thus thus thus thus thus thus thus thus thus thus thus to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to the the to to thususus. thususa of control and crashed into an unpacking them. But Musk doesn't only use Twitter for fun, uses it to make the world a better place or at least promised to. It's where he promised to solve world hunger, end traffic, fight COVID and fix Flint's water. And when a Thai soccer team was stuck in a cave. Elon even promised to rescue those kids from the guy who rescued them. That. That. That. That. th. th. th. th. th. th. thus thus thus thus thus thus thus thus thus thus thus thus thus thus thus thus thus thus thus thus thus thus thus thus thus thus thus thus thus thus thus thus thus thus thus thus thus thus th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. Mus th. Mus th. Mus, th. Mus, th. Mus, th. Mus, must must must must must must must must must must must must must must must must must must must must must must must must thus thus thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi a cane, Elon even promised to rescue those kids

from the guy who rescued them. That's why Musk is such a champion of free speech. If you can't randomly accuse someone who is saving people's lives of being a pedo guy, does civil discourse even exist? Elon Musk is dedicated to building a brighter future for old humanity. It's why he's backed the most futuristic presidential candidate of 2020. It's why he's so dedicated to turning every aspect of our lives into a platform for his

dumb jokes. From robots to cybernetic implants to AI, to space travel, to unfettered social media. Elon Musk is building a future that humanity only imagined in the movies. And who wouldn't want to live there? You basically have to think have to hate humanity if you don't like that future. And that's why Elon Musk truly is a visionary future man. with Trevor Noah Ears Edition. Subscribe to the Daily Show on YouTube for exclusive content and stream full episodes anytime on Paramount Plus. This has been a Comedy Central Podcast.