The Daily Show: Ears Edition - Epstein’s Alleged Suicide Note Is “No Fun” & Trump Sics Military on Autocorrect | Adam Scott

Episode Date: May 8, 2026

Desi Lydic tackles the latest headlines: A judge releases Jeffrey Epstein's purported suicide note, Republicans pledge their midterm loyalty to Trump and his 80-year-old fighting skills, and this Mother’s Day, Trump gives moms the gift of an autocorrect rant. Plus, Troy Iwata, Jordan Klepper, and Michael Kosta go head-to-head over who could take Trump in a fight. Josh Johnson deep-dives into a viral sexual harassment lawsuit at JPMorgan, where a male employee accused a female colleague of coercing him into a "sex slave" arrangement, setting off a frenzy of sexist memes and sensational media coverage before the evidence apparently unraveled under scrutiny. Adam Scott, award-winning actor, joins Desi to discuss tackling the horror genre in his new film, “Hokum.” They talk about how "Step Brothers" set him on a comedy trajectory, his transition into more dramatic roles with "Big Little Lies" and "Severance," how David Letterman inspired his love of show business from a young age, and how he took on playing an asshole in “Hokum” after being typecast as a likable guy. -- For up to 65% off your order, head to https://VeracityHealth.co and use code DAILY. -- The Daily Show airs weeknights at 11/10c on Comedy Central. Stream full episodes on Paramount+ Follow TDS: YouTube, TikTok, Instagram, Twitter, Facebook Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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From the most trusted journalists at Comedy Center. It's America's only source for news. This is The Daily Show with your host, Desi Lyman. We'll talk about tonight. Autoporrect is making Trump ducking furious. Wall Street gets weird. And if you think macro-Republicans are pussies, well, they do too. So let's get into the headlines.

Kick things off with someone who was definitely in the Epstein files, Jeffrey Epstein. We've seen millions of his texts and emails already, but there was one very important document we hadn't seen until now. Breaking news tonight, a judge has released what is said to be a suicide note written by the late convicted sex offender, Jeffrey Epstein. It is a treat to be able to choose one's time to say goodbye. What you want me to do, bust out crying, no fun. Not worth it.

No fun, not worth it? His last words were the same words I said when I bailed on the new season of Landman. Just kidding. All 437 Taylor Sheridan shows are equally excellent and available now on Paramount Plus. But let's move on because this weekend is Mother's Day. The day we celebrate all the incredible women

who pee a little when they sneeze too hard. Trump marks the occasion with an event honoring military moms or as he calls them military milfs and I assume he showed them the love and respect they deserve we're also honored to be joined by a military mother who sacrificed far more than most as melody wolf and you know I love the name melody because for a long time you know they have spell correct and word correct on these crazy machines that we use to put out truths or they used to be called tweets. Uh-oh.

Every time I wrote Melania, it would correct to Melody. So I do thing and I work very fast. Very fast. Well, now I know what I'm not getting for Mother's Day, horny ever again.

I think we just experienced the last thing of Big Maxis right before the lights go out. But don't worry, Trump turned off his auto-correct. Just kidding. He did this. I didn't know about that little feature, but I got that corrected eventually. You know, corrected the military. Sorry, the military had to fix your auto-correct problem.

Trump heard he had to go to his phone's general settings, and he was like, okay, then, get me general settings. An airplane mode, too, just in case. Mr. President, can you please stop with your weird stories? You see, drug traffic coming into our country's way down, and by sea, by sea, by ocean, by the water, you know? A lot of people say, what do you mean by sea? Is it sea like vision?

No, it's the SEA. Never been confused by that phrase. If you say by sea, it's obvious that sea means ocean. And by means bisexual. I mean, at least until it graduates. Look, anyone who watches this speech must be questioning if this man should be president. Inflation is rising.

Corruption is through the roof. We are losing a war he shouldn't have started. And he's spending his day. rambling about autocorrect and building a ballroom for himself and melody? Sure. Surely at this point, he's got to be losing support among Republicans. There's this myth that's going on right now, that, oh, Trump is really losing support among Republicans.

But compared to other midterm cycles, he's just as popular with Republicans as he has ever been. It's still sticking with him after everything? Look, I know it's hard to admit you're wrong. Take it from me, the creator of the Facebook group, Facebook group, Jared Fogel, would make the most awesome babysitter. You gotta cut your losses. I mean, what is it?

Do you have a humiliation kink or something? This polling to me jumped out at me. They asked Republicans who would win in a physical fight with Trump. Would you be able to beat up Donald Trump or would he beat you up? 39% of Republicans said, Trump would beat me up. You have a humiliation kink. But you really think you'd lose a fight to an 80-year-old man? I mean, come on, Republicans.

Believe in yourself. Where's that storming the capital confidence? To be fair, this is an incredibly weird phone call to receive. Yeah, Dave, it's the polling company. You think you could take President Trump, you f***in pussy? The question is, will Trump's base ever abandon him? For more analysis, let's go live to our very own Troy Iwada and Jordan Klepper. Let's start with you.

What does this poll say about the devotion of Trump's base? It says they're very stupid, Desi. Because Trump would never win in a fight. He's obese, he's slow. He already has bruises, even though there hasn't even been a fight yet. No, I'm just curious about the mindset of his supporters. I'm not wondering who would win the fight. Well, I'm not wondering either.

I know who would win the fight. Literally anyone or anything else. I mean, look at him. His ass is already getting whooped by father time. Desi, look, I don't think Troy fully understood the question. Do you mind if I provide some analysis here? Oh, yeah. Thank you, Jordan.

Sure, does he. Troy, Trump would totally dominate in a fight. That's not what I meant. Sure, he's slow, but he'll fight dirty. I'm talking ball taps, purple nerples, chocolate swirlies, mushroom stamping, Dutch ovens, I could go on. No, that's how... And I will.

Hair chonky, turkey goblin, Serbian scrotum torture. Oh, man, it would be over quick! Yeah, yeah, yeah. You're crazy, Jordan. Do you forget how old Trump is? At this point, he's got to be more prostate than muscle. No.

Of course, he's old, but so are Republicans. Half of those fights he can win just by unplugging his opponent's oxygen tank. Guys, guys, come on. Don't become those dudes who get totally obsessed over hypothetical fights that will never happen. Desi's right, this is ridiculous. Until we establish ground rules. Are we talking gloves or bare nunkle? And are we abiding by Queensberry rules or Sadie Hawkins' rules

where girls have to ask the boys to the fight? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Also, will this fight be a catered event? You know? Is there a coat check? What's the dress code? Black tie or something fun? What time of day is this all happening?

The middle of the night when he's full of energy or the middle of the afternoon when he's fast asleep? Yeah, yeah. Are weapons allowed? You know, will there be a referee? These are questions that need to be answered, Desi. I don't have the answers. There's no fight.

Yeah, you're dead right. It's not a fight because Trump would win against any Republican. How do we even know it's just one Republican? What if it's five? Well, you know, okay, he couldn't beat up five unless we're talking 1996, Donald Trump, in which case he could beat up five Republicans, two independents, and that kid from Jerry McGuire.

You mean Jonathan Lipnicki? Say his name, Jordan. I will not say his name. I will not. You guys, I don't care if Trump could beat up Jonathan Lipnicki. He's an adult. He could probably beat up any child. Well, you know, it depends on the child.

I mean, my nephew's eight, and he's really beefy. He has to wear one of those seatbelt extenders, but it's not because he's fat. He's just abnormally thick. Oh, Trump could so beat up your thick nephew. He'd yake his juice box away and smash it on his thick head. Well, jokes on you, Clepper. He doesn't drink juice.

He has type two diabetes. Desi, Desi, if I could interject here. Oh, Michael Costa. Look, if I can get back to your original question, Desi, this poll shows that Donald Trump's supporters are too psychologically committed to him. Ironically, the only way to fracture their devotion to Trump is to find an even more radical so-called savior.

As such, Trumpian dynamics may get worse before they get better. What the f*** happened to you? Nothing happened to me. I'm fine. You look like you got the shit kicked out of you. Did Donald Trump beat you up? No. No, Donald Trump didn't beat me up. Troy's nephew did. That boy... That boy is thick.

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This bombshell lawsuit that dropped, accusing a top executive at J.P. Morgan Chase of forcing a married colleague into sexual acts. Jirayu Rana made the claim that a female colleague who was his superior made him into her, quote, sex slave. Sex slave, you have my attention. Because sex and slave are two words you should not put together. Either one on its own makes me nervous. But together, who, who?

Look, your kink is your kink. But I do draw the line at slavery, all right? It's a red flag when someone gets in the mood by putting on spirituals. They'll have you at their apartment like, now that we're alone. But what makes this story stand out is the media's obsession with telling people the employee is a man and the boss is an attractive woman.

And yes, that is still very wrong, but the internet decided it's also very sexy. If you are on social media, there is not a chance that you haven't seen somebody or heard somebody talking about this story. This has given birth to a million different needs online. Attracting comments like, Has she any vacancies?

So I'm guessing his job is available, tempted, and any vacancies asking for a friend. J.P. Morgan is hiring and men racing to try and get in the door. Only man could see a story about a man leaving his job because he was a sex slave and run to the sex slavery. This story is a crazy twist on the typical workplace harassment. At least I thought that until I dug in a little deeper. Tonight we're learning that this entire lawsuit might be completely fabulous.

against the female executive. J.P. Morgan found no evidence of any of the claims made. Holy shit. Completely fabricated. No evidence. Now I'm no lawyer, but I believe a key to winning a case is having at least one evidence. So this guy just made the whole thing up? That blew my mind until I started looking into the details of the lawsuit a little deeper, because then it does seem a little made up. The whole suit reads like an absurdity.

an absurd and cheap adult movie. Drugging him with Viagra and Roofies. Telling him, if he wanted to be promoted, he would need to start pleasing her. She then began fondling her breasts and racially insulted the plaintiff's wife, remarking, I bet your little Asian wife doesn't have these cannons.

I wasn't there to verify whether or not this happened, but what I can say I've never seen happen is a woman refer to her own breasts as canons. I've never heard a woman be like, now that I'm over 40, I need to go get my annual canon exam, which made me start to doubt this guy's case

until I went a little deeper. According to the New York Post, he never reported to her during his entire time at J.P. Morgan, and they actually were under two different managing directors. Now I don't even know if the doubt has a shadow. I mean, he didn't report to her? Isn't that the whole basis of someone being your boss?

This means she's just a lady to you. Kind of pokes a pretty big hole in the whole my boss made me her sex slave argument. It's becoming increasingly hard to have sympathy for this guy, but then I learned he suffered a tragedy. Rana told J.P. Morgan that his father had died in 2024. Oof.

I got to say, it's hard to accuse a man alive when he was grieving. The problem with this is, apparently, his father's alive. What the hell? The dad's a lot. Proved to me the dad is alive. The Post spoke to him and asked him about his son's legal battles with the big bank. He said, quote, I don't know anything about it. Yep.

Someone called his dead father and he answered. You know, one of the first giveaways that a person is not dead is when you call them and they say, hello? How do you get around that one? No, he dead. I swear he dead. He died of canon cancer. Yeah, it's rare in dudes, but it does happen. So he lied about his dead dad.

That settles it for me. Surely he should walk away. An ex-banker refiling his bombshell lawsuit against a female executive and adding alleged new evidence. A family friend claims that he witnessed some of this, specifically says he was asleep on the couch one night when the J.P. Morgan boss came over, came out of the bedroom, completely naked, sat on the couch, smoked a cigarette and said, you need to come in here and join us. Yep. He refiled with a witness, and it's even pornier. This guy is starting to feel like the Jussie Smollett of sex. Like, why is the witness testifying and flexing at the same time? I heard them having sex, but also she was begging to have sex with me. But I said no, because I'm constantly having sex. So I just went back to sleep on his couch.

Because, you know, none of that was a dream I had once. Just another day in the life of a couch-surfing sex god. But if we could dig just a little deeper, since Me Too, we've been warned about the dangers of a man in power being falsely accused with no evidence, damaging the reputation, also an accuser can enrich themselves. And now it may have happened to a woman. Not to mention the internet ran wild making tons of AI memes

with her actual face, which will be online forever. So the only thing clear with this case is that there is definitely sexual harassment happening here by the media. It's just so unbelievably funny, and it honestly sounds like every man's fantasy. Now, if any of this is true, this gal needs to work on her flirtation routine. It helps that she's attractive. It helps that she's attractive. But like, let's be honest, if you're a two and your boss is pretty up there and she's making you the sex slave, Probably not, dude.

Oof. Yeah, when you dig deep enough, you finally hit bottom. No, bro, got to be a four or higher in the eyes of the court for it to count as harassment. You know what I'm saying? They don't even know who the victim here is, so they decide, hell, we'll just objectify everybody equally. So maybe we've learned absolutely nothing. Or maybe I'm in too deep. Social media is currently filled with influencers promoting the importance of protein.

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... actor who stars in the new film, Hocom. Please welcome, Adam. I'm so sorry for scaring you so bad. You scared the shit out of me in this movie. How dare you? I know. I just felt like right now is a great time to scare the shit out of the people. Yes, that's exactly what we need.

It's exactly what we need. Well, so many people, including... myself have fallen in love with you from watching you on Parks and Rec. Thank you. And party down. So funny in stepbrothers. And then you blew us away with your dramatic work in severance. Thank you.

And now you're incredible in this horror film. Have you been wanting to explore a darker side or is it the state of the world that push you into it? I don't know. I guess after Parks and Rec ended, I kind of felt like I wanted to try. Because when I started out, I thought I was going to be like a super serious actor. And then Stepbrothers actually happened. And someone like fell out of the role and they needed to cast it at the last second.

So I got that role and I didn't think I would. And so that kind of set me on this kind of comedy trajectory or whatever. And so then a few years later I wanted to try something more serious. So I started like, you know, at least I auditioned for big little lies and, you know, We tried to get, you know, just do something different, I guess. Yeah. You bring up wanting, setting out and thinking you were going to go down this dramatic path and not even really looking at comedy. Yeah.

Speaking of that, tell us about the great actor Adam Cortario. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, Adam Cordero. Cordero. Yeah. I'm surprised you didn't get that right. Yeah, I'm so sorry. I did not do my research. We're a fake news show.

Right, exactly. We were late. I do very little homework. Cordero was going to be my new name, my stage name for a while. This was a shortened version of my mother's maiden name. And I remember when I was in acting school, I wrote down Al Pacino, Robert De Niro, Adam Cordero. And I thought it sounded so cool. I even practiced my signature.

It does sound cool. I know. I still might do it. It's not too late. Do you think Adam Cordera would have been a different actor than Adam Scott? 100%. Very serious all of the time. You'd be method right now probably.

Yeah, I would, right now, it'd be here only because I was researching a role of someone that's a guest on a talk show. Which isn't so far off from what you did as a little kid. Is it true that you stayed up late to watch Letterman every single night? Oh, yeah, every night. On a five-inch black and white screen that I had in my room. underneath the covers. Yes. It was the, yeah, because it was the 80s.

So Letterman was on at 1230, and so no one was awake. And yeah, I would practice being a talk show. I set my bed, put pillows on my bed, so it was like a couch, and I would practice talking to Dave on my couch. Yeah. And masturbating. I mean, I was getting like, it wasn't super cute. Yeah, okay, now I believe.

Now it's believable. Right, right. Now it's believable. Did you ever get to meet David Letterman and tell him you masturbated to him? Yeah. I did. Finally, like 10 years ago, I did, I did his show and it was a huge deal. Oh.

Yeah, yeah. But I did not masturbate on this. Okay, okay. That's what a classy guy you are. I'm glad you had some self-control. I want to talk about this movie, Hocom, takes place in Ireland. Yes. Without spoiling anything, tell people what it's about.

It's about a guy who's a writer and he's going to a hotel in Ireland to spread his parents' ashes. And there may or may not be a witch in the basement of the hotel, right? Yes, yes. When I say may or may not, there is. Otherwise, there wouldn't be a movie. Yeah, I don't know why you'd say that. Yeah, there's a witch. There's a witch.

There's definitely a witch. And you thought it was scary. You were scared. I was terrified. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's terrifying. It is. It's very scary.

And you play, well, first of all, how did this role come about for you? It just, it was a script. I read, I loved this guy, Damien McCarthy, his previous movie, Audity is terrific. And I was already a fan of that as a small horror movie, Irish horror movie,

that I was super into anyway. And so this kind of came across my transom. Do people say that? I certainly, of course I know what that means. That's what was about to come out of my mouth. It makes no sense. If you say so. This script came across my tranceom.

Let me give a really quick. And I just wanted to do it because I loved. Are you sure that wasn't an auto correct? I think it was. Was it Melody? Is that the name? Melody. That's right.

I love melody. What the f*** is you talking about? I don't know. No one knows. No one knows. No one knows. Good Lord. So the director thought of you.

So, okay, your character is a difficult man. Yeah, and he's... Yes. He's okay. I was gonna say, yes, asshole. He's a little bit of an asshole. We still root for you because you're a great actor. But do you, when a director calls you and says,

you're the first person I thought of for this asshole. To play this little asshole. Are you offended? Because I, like, I'm not swimming in offers, but when I do occasionally get an offer, it's always for like an unhinged, Karen. Right. And of course, I immediately call my manager. Why do you think I'm so unhinged? And you scream at them. And I scream at them.

Yeah, I guess, I wasn't sure why he thought of me to play just an unruly prick. But I was excited to, because I guess I played a bunch of like sweetly likable people. over and over again. So it was kind of nice to revel in being unpleasant. Yeah. Well, you're also a very likable guy, so I imagine that that would be fun to explore. Sure. Yeah, sometimes it's really hard just not to be so likable. Yeah. I'm sorry it's so difficult for you. Thank you. You're getting rave reviews. One review said Adam Scott does his best film work to date. Wow, that's very nice. Yeah, New York Times says Adam Scott is perfection. Wow. I think that's setting an unrealistic expectations. No, what is it like?

People will inevitably be disappointed if they read something like that. Not true. What is it like being so perfect? Oh, it's really difficult. I mean, where do I start? Desi, it's so hard. You know, we all have to start somewhere. So the perfection is something I'm working. I'm trying to trying to to be less perfect. Yeah, well, we all do our best.

Thank you. Good luck with that. Thank you. It takes place in Ireland. Do you think that it being in Ireland makes it even more spooky because the buildings are so old? Like if you shot it here, you'd be shooting in like an abandoned, yeah, in an abandoned circuit city somewhere.

Yeah. It's a different feel. Abandoned circuit cities are terrifying. This is true. Yes, Ireland is like the most pleasant, beautiful place on Earth, but we are out in the middle of the countryside, and when the sun goes down, it is immediately terrifying. Oh, my God. Because it's just dark. I mean, when the sun goes down, it's dark, obviously.

You don't say there, it's dark when the sun goes down. Yeah, I know. But out in the middle of the countryside, there are no street lights, so it's really dark. and it's super scary. When you're in those scenes, when you're having to be terrified and often you're by yourself, what kind of sense memory are you doing?

Are you thinking about Trump getting a third term? Yes. Yes. And I just start screaming uncontrollably. It worked. Yeah. Well, as a perfect actor, thank you.

Yes, I will never let it. That's the only way I will ever greet you. From now on, whenever we see each other, you'll refer to me as perfect. Mr. Scott, perfect actor. Oh, my God, thank you. What is there, is there anything that you haven't done yet that you'd still like to do?

That's a really good question. I don't, I don't know. I mean, I really do think that, you know what I would like to do is play a talk show host just so I could, because coming here was such a big deal for me just to, like, be at the daily show. And, like, the daily grind of a talk show, I think, is fascinating. And I know it's not as fascinating for everybody who works here.

But I find that, I mean, probably not. You can say that again. That's a vodka in there, right? Cigar just grizzled over it. Oh, that's very... I think it's because one of my ways into wanting to be enjoyed... business was David Letterman and that, you know, and that really caught my imagination. So I know that movies about talk shows and movies about stand-up comedy are really tough

to make work. They never quite feel right, but that would be fun. Well, here, let's switch seats. Oh, great, yeah. Yeah. I think I need some cards or something. Yeah, grab the cards. That's it.

Am I reading it? Yeah, you're reading it. Hocom is in theaters nationwide now. Adam Scott. Thank you. We're going to take a quick, great, but we'll be right. great, but we'll be right back after this. Americans who support or believe in ghosts,

that comes in at 39%. How about telepathy? That comes in at 29%. And the new White House ballroom comes in below both of those at 28%. So the bottom line is this. This new White House ballroom is most certainly not popular. Explore more shows from the Daily Show podcast universe

by searching The Daily Show, wherever you get your podcast. Watch the Daily Show weeknights at 11, 10 Central on Comedy Central, and stream full episodes anytime on Paramount Plus. This has been a Comedy Central podcast.