The Daily Show: Ears Edition - First Day of Fall: Pumpkin Spice Everything & Fall TV

Episode Date: September 22, 2023

Fall is upon us! Ronny Chieng recounts his favorite things about the season, the correspondents revel in everyone's favorite autumnal treat, and Ed Helms gives us his tips to fatten up for Fall. Plus, Steve Carell gives us his Fall TV picks.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

John Stewart here, unbelievably exciting news. My new podcast, The Weekly Show, we're gonna be talking about the election, economics, ingredient to bread ratio on sandwiches. Listen to the weekly show with John Stewart, wherever you get your podcast. You're listening to Comedy Central. Autumn is here and no one is more excited for the season than our very own Ronnie Chang who shares his joy for everything autumn in our brand new segment falling for fall with Ronnie Chang. Okay, first off, I don't give a shit about fall, okay? But the networks say I need to project a more cuddly image or whatever,

so I guess I gotta pretend to be excited about fall now, even though it's always the same old bullshit. The only thing that changes is the amount of crap they put pumpkin spice into. And this year, I'm pretty sure the pumpkin spice is rotting everyone's brains. Here we go again. Time for our autumn obsession with all things pumpkin. Pumpkin spice is everywhere, but these days it's not just for lattes anymore. This morning you can even buy, get this, pumpkin spice-scented toilet paper.

People are giving the product great reviews. You can buy a 10-pack of pumpkin spice-scented face masks. Would you actually want that? The description says it gets its fall scent from essential oils. Yeah, a pumpkin spice face mask? I'll just take the COVID. Thank you. Who wants pumpkin spice in their nose all day long?

When I'm walking around New York, I want to breathe the natural aromas of the city, hot garbage and urine. And I can't believe people are buying pumpkin spice toilet paper. Why wipe your ass to something that already smells like shit? The only thing more pathetic than buying pumpkin spice toilet paper are the people who give it a review. You don't need to review toilet paper. Does it wipe the poop off your butt? Yes? That's five stars. Oh, wait, I forgot. I'm supposed to be happy. Oh, pumpkin spice. Mmm, I love it. Mmm, smells like Martha Stewart's armpit. And here's another thing I love about fall. Getting tricked by farmers into doing their jobs. With a big boost for mom, two-year-old Lucy picks the perfect apple. Visitors to Apple Ridge Orchards in Warwick, New York, smiled wide today.

Hard not to be happy strolling the 63-acre farm filled with all things we equate with fall. We can't leave out the fresh apple cider and apple cider donuts made on site. We tried to ask two-year-old juniper just how delicious they are. Her response, side eye. I have never had more respect for a two-year-old in my life. That kid knows she's not getting shit for Christmas because her parents went broke, buying oversized gourds. And I can't believe apple picking is a fall tradition.

Fruit picking is a job nobody wants nine months of the year. And then suddenly, your co-osplaying as an underpaid farm worker? What's your winter tradition? Mopping up puke at a hockey arena? We all need to stop pretending we love apple so much. Okay they're not that good and they're trying too hard. Red delicious? You know if it's in a name it's a lie. It's like a guy introducing himself as Mike 10-inch penis. Oh sorry I forgot hur-it's the th. It's like. It's like. It's like. It's like th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th thi thi all thi all thi all thi all thi all thi all thi all thi all thi all thi all thi all thi all thi all thi all thi all thi all the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the thu the thu thu thu thi all the thi the theeat theat theat tip. tipeat tipeen, it's fall. You know climate change is going to end all this shit, right? One are even outside right now. It's too hot. One, a sound stage. This log is fake. These leaves are fake. In 10 years, it's going to use them in schools to teach kids what trees look like. I'd say that everyone who loves fall should get lost and die, but it turns out, they love

doing that too. It's a giant corn maze. Take a look at that. A man in Washington County created all of this by himself, a transform part of this Allenport farm into the Howling Hills corn. We give everybody a map when they start and I wouldn't lose the map. But if you do get lost, we have a drone that will be flying over all day long. So if you need help, we can get you in and out. This 10-acre maze consists of winding paths, misleading trails and some bridges that connect you to

to different parts of the maze. And if you successfully complete them, you get a free scoop of ice cream. You spend two hours in a corn maze and all you get is a free scoop of ice cream? Feeke ice cream. Give me a free IV drip to replenish my fluids. A shame happen, a drone isn't going to do it. Okay, this is a worst exit strategy since the Afghan war. No thanks. Also why w w w w w w w w w w w w w w w w w w w w w w w w w W you you you you is you is you is you is you is you is you is th th th th th is th is a th is a th is a th is a th is a th is a th is a th is a th is a th is a th is a th is a th is a th is a th is a th is a th is a th is a th is a th is a th is a th is a th is a th is a th is a th is a th is a th is a th is a th is a th is a th is a th is a th is a th is a th is a th is a th is a that is a that is a that is a that is a that is a that that that the the the thea thea thea.a. thea. thea. thea. thea. thea. theat the is a the is a the is a thea Also, why would anybody willingly enter a corn maze? At best, you get murdered by demon children.

At worst, you get stuck talking to a baseball ghost. If you want to do a maze so bad, just do the ones on the back of cereal boxes. You don't have to buy the cereal. Just do them in the aisle and then put them back on the shelf. That's what I do. Enough with the shelf. That's what I do. Enough with the leaves. Yeah, I know I'm not being cuddly enough. All right? Forget it. You know what really makes me happy about fall this year? The fact that it might not happen at all.

Global supply chain issues have caused more shortages and prices of lots of items have just skyrocketed. Now the availability of pumpkins is apparently plummeting. Don't be startled if you find a availability of pumpkins is apparently plummeting. Don't be startled if you find a shortage of pumpkins this Halloween season and knowing you might be haunted by higher prices. That's right. There might be no pumpkins this year, which means I think this might be the best for ever. Ha ha ha ha ha. I can't wait to see all your stupid Instagram pits of Beringfields, assholes! Enough with the leaves already!

For more on the developing Syrian conflict, we have senior geopolitical correspondent, Jordan Klepper. Thank you, Trevor. Thank you, thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Cheers. So good. So good. Jordan, what are you drinking? Oh, sorry, it's a pumpkin spice latte.

I don't understand. Oh, sorry, a pumpkin is like a native food. No, I know what a pumpkin is. I don't understand why you drinking it on the show. I asked you to cover Syria. Did something happen in Syria? You being serious? What have you been reporting on?

Well, Trevor, it's October 1st, you know? I've been reporting on the big, real news. Pumpkin flavored products are once again taking over. Pumpkin-p products top $361 million last year. Pumpkin spice lattes. Pumpkin sandwiches. Pumpkin-shaunshmills. Pumpkin-marshmillar.

Pumpkin-spice sausages and flavored vodka. 40% of us love pumpkin spice anything. And there's only a three-month window to feel that love. After that, it's just the gray death march of spring and summer. I don't understand this, Jordan. Syria is exploding and you're wasting time on pumpkin spice? Okay, no, you're wasting time. The pumpkin spice is blowing up now. Syria's gonna be blowing up all year round.

Have you ever had a pumpkin spice latte in June? It tastes like cat piss. But in October, mmm, mm, mm, mm, mm, it's like your tongue in Thanksgiving while a high-five in Halloween. You better get with the pumpkin program because you don't want to end up like this guy. Lynn Gigante actually tried to start a national anti-pumpkin day. We don't eat Christmas trees.

We don't eat Christmas trees. We don't eat Christmas trees Christmas trris Christmas trris Christmas tree Christmas tree Christmas tree Christmas tree Christmas tree. We tree. tree. tree. tree. trees. trees. trees. trees. trees. trees. trees. trees. trees. trees. trees. trees. trees. trees. trees. thea thea. thea. thea. thea. tree. tree. tree. tree. tree. tree. tree. tree. tree. tree. tree. tree. tree. tree. tree. tree. thea. thea. thea. thea. thea. thea. thea. thea. thea. thea. thea. thea. thea. thea. thea. thea. thea. thea. thea. thea. Is that what you want? Is that what you want, Trevor, not eating pumpkins and spend December, not eating Christmas trees? That doesn't even make sense. What? If you think about it, kind of does. And who was that guy? Actually, a funny today. A former hostage negotiator turned anti-pumpkin spice activist.

the former hostagenal squash. Damn. A former hostage negotiator turned anti-pumpkin spice activist. How does he even end up there this? Probably not very good at hostage negotiation. You know, I mean, he's probably... You can have the helicopter. Oh yeah, I'm not. No, no, you sidetracked me. Back to the news, Syria.

You know what, let's go live to the capital, chat to our new senior geopolitical correspondent Desi Lydek. Trevor, I'm here in war-torn Damascus where Vladimir Pumpkins air strikes... I'm sorry, did you say Vladimir Pumpkin? Is that pumpkin patch even in Syria, Desi? Yeah. What is happening to my stuff? You're all pumpkin spice addicts, Jordan, what are you doing? Whoa!

Ha! Ha! I'm cool. Are you slotting pumpkin spice? What the hell is going on here? You know what? Roywood Jr. Please, tell me. Please! Roywood Jr. out there, let's go to Roywood Jr. please tell me. Please tell me.

Please. Oh no. Is that a pumpkin spice latte, Roy? Oh, you know, black folks don't drink pumpkin? Thank God. It's a sweet potato latte. Oh, oh. Oh, that is gross.

This is insane. Really? Like, look, you know what, Trevor, you don't understand. Pumpkin spice comes but once a year, like Christmas or Jewish Christmas. We Americans cling to these fleeting moments, not knowing if that pumpkin spice donut could be our last. I guess where you come from, you just don't know what scarcity is. Really? Yeah. Children Clipper everyone. We'll be right back. Hey everybody, John Stewart here. I am here to tell you about my new podcast, the weekly show. It's going to be coming out.

Every Thursday. So exciting. You'll be, you'll be saying., The Weekly Show, it's going to be coming out every Thursday. So exciting, you'll be saying to yourself, TGID, thank God it's Thursday. We're going to be talking about all the things that hopefully obsess you in the same way that they obsess me. The election, economics, earnings calls. What are they talking about on these earnings calls? We're going to be talking about ingredient to bread ratio on sandwiches. And I know that I listed

that fourth, but in importance it's probably second. I know you have a lot of options as far as podcasts go, but how many of them come out on Thursday? I know you have a lot of options as far as podcasts go, but how many of them come out on Thursday? I mean, talk about innovative. Listen to the weekly show with John Stewart, wherever you get your podcast. Now that Old Man Winter is knocking at our door, it's time once again, America to fatten up for fall. Nature teaches us the way. Bears and whales add a layer of fat before cold weather, and so should we. Unfortunately, a whopping 25 percent of Americans are still not overweight.

I'm going to put you on a three-step program to total fatness. You may have seen some of your skinny friends eating fruit smoothies made from things like strawberries, cantaloupe, yogurt, and wheat churn. You're not going to need any of that stuff. What I recommend to maximize your caloric intake is a value meal smoothie. And of course you're going to start with a cheese burger, side of fries, and a large coke. And what's a value meal without a little apple pie for dessert. Now, remember, you don't want to blend too long. I like mine extra chunky. Perfect.

And remember, just six of these a day, plus a sensible dinner. And you're well on your way to packing them on. Oh, God, even smells good. Oh, that's a good burger. You may be saying, but Ed, I'm a vegetarian. How do I follow your plan without eating red meat? Well, it's simple. Start eating red meat. Be resourceful. Why garnish with calorie-free parsley when white castle hamburgers will do the trick? But there's still something missing. That's better. Exercise.

You're not going to want to do any of that. Be careful. Exercise can sneak up on you. My strategy is avoid all body movement. Try the Rascal 2000. It even has a built-in fried chicken bucket holder. Even sleep burns calories, which is why a chocolate milk nocturnal feeding tube is to your advantage. Feeling too full, can't keep stuffing your pie hole? Remember, an unsound mind equals an unsound body. Find your dark unhappy place. I recommend calling all your old girlfriends. Hey, Sally, it's Ed.

They'll tell you exactly what's wrong with you. Inconsiderate, spineless, chauvinistic, impotent. No, totally, uh-huh. Let your diminishing self-esteem propel you forward into a crushing maelstrom of despair. Issues with my sexual identity. Totally. The fattening up for fall. Remember, fattening up for fall takes hard work and dedication, but the results are well worth it.

On my way, the F. The F. F. You know, for a look at what else is happening in the new fall. television season, why don't we take you out now to Steve Correll and Nancy Walls in Hollywood. The new fall TV shows. Will Kiefer Sutherland be the key for Fox? Will Richard Dreyfus have a close encounter of the ratings guy? Jim Belushi, his name rhymes with sushi, but will you surround his new show with seaweed and then eat it? All that plus Bruce Box Lightner opens up about his club foot. Shuffle on over today, Wednesday, September 26, 2001 2001, 2001, 2001, 2001, 2001, 2001, 2001, 2001, 2001, 2001, 2001, 2001, 2001, 2001, 2001, 2001, 2001, 2001, 2001, 2001, 2001, 2001, 2001, th, th, for, for, for, for, for, for, for, for, for, for, th, for, th, th. We. We. We. We. We. We. We've, we. We. We've, we've, we've, we've, we've. Wea, we've. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. to, to, to, to, to. to. to. to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to. to. the. the. th. about his club foot. Shuffle on over today Wednesday September 26, 2001 for We Love Showbiz.

Hi, I'm Nancy Walls. And I'm Steve Correll and we love showbiz. Well, fall is here and with it, the new TV season. But with all those new shows, how do you know what's great and what's even better? We've got the scoop with a special we love show biz get with the the tho- th show th show th show th show th th th th th that's th th that's that's th that's th th that's that's tho that's that's that's tho that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's tho-wee tho- tho- that's that's that's that's that's that's th. We'll th. We th. We their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their tho' their their their their their their their the their to the to to the to to to to to to to to the to to the the to the the the the the the the the the the the tho th it the new TV season. But with all those new shows, how do you know what's great and what's even better? We've got the scoop with a special we love show biz get with the program category, you'll definitely want to tune into Crossing Jordan, starring Jill Hennessy as a coroner who's physically attractive. Who do you want to be? Victim or a killer. I'll be the victim. Wow, finally a coroner I want to have sex with. I mean, look at what she's wearing.

And she's a coroner. That is such a contradiction of my preconceived notions about coroners. I'm hooked. I am hooked! As for comedy, my pick is everything. But if I had to choose one, it would be inside Schwartz, starring Breckenmeyer as a sportscaster, who gets fantasy advice from imaginary sports figures. Too many players on the field. Illegal use of tongue. Bosses' second date. Wow, that won't get annoying at all. It's like our list, but without all the laughs.

Still, the We Love Showbiz pick for Surefire hit of the season. Take two cups of comedy, add a dash of cagin' stick, sprinkle in a few commercial breaks, and you've got Emera. Now I've th th th th th th th th th th th th the th the tho' their their their their thine their thine thine their thine th. th. th. th. th. thoom. thoom, thoom, tho' thin' tho' tho' tho' thoom' thoom' th. th. th., I've talked to my sources at NBC, and they assure me that this is one show... Emerald Lagasi plays Emerald, a character based on colorful chef, Emerald Lagasi. In this scene, the word breast provides an occasion for a double-on-tawn, Cajan style. I made this awesome chicken dish. Does anybody want it?

I just want a little piece of the breath. You got two brea. Who knows how many notches? That turned to them. Bam! Now for a few we love showbiz milestones. Happy birthday to Duran Duran lead singer Simon Lebon. He turns 74 today. And congratulations to Charlie's Angels

star Cameron Diaz. She is very attractive. Now time for a special fall TV edition of Tete-A-Tet on the set. Richard Dreyfus stars in CBS's new drama, The Education of Max Bickford. I recently had the opportunity to sit down with some clips of old Richard Dreyfus movies to talk about the show. Richard Dreyfus, it is a pleasure and an honor to be sitting down with you today. Thank you. This is your first foray into Network Prime Time. Tell us a little bit about it. You're playing a teacher, right? That's right. You played Mr. Holland too. Now that's a lot of teachers. Are you thinking of a career change? Oh, oh, oh. Was there something else?

Your co-star is Marsha Gay Hardin. Yes. Who won an Oscar for Pollock? Really? If I may, this has been a fantastic interview. Clips of Richard Dreyfus, nice talking to you. Thank you. What a nice guy.

Yeah, he really probably is. We wrap up our fall preview with a quick look at some of the other shows on the new schedule. They look great. Yeah, I can't wait to see that one show. I hope LA Laws Corbyn's is in one. Oh, me too. He is terrific. Well, that's all for tonight. Until next time, you'll see us hoping to see to see to see to see to see to see to see to see to see to see to see to see to see to see to see to see to see to see to see to see to see to see to see to see to see to see to see to see to see to see to see to see to see to see to see to see to see to see to see to see to see to see to see to see to see to see to see to see to see. I to see. I to see. I to see. I to see. I to see. I to see to see the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the. the the the the. He is terrific. Well, that's all for tonight. Until next time, you'll see us hoping to see celebrities. Good night.

Explore more shows from the Daily Show podcast universe by searching the Daily Show, wherever you get your podcasts. Watch the Daily Show weeknights at 11, 10 Central on Comedy Central, and stream full episodes anytime on Fairmount Plus. This has been a Comedy Central podcast. Hey everybody, John Stewart here. I am here to tell you about my new podcast, the weekly show coming out every Thursday. We're going to be talking about the election, earnings calls. What are they talking about on these earnings calls?

We're going to be talking about ingredient to bread ratio on sandwiches. I know you have a lot of options as far as podcasts go, but how many of them come out on Thursday? Listen to the weekly show with John Stewart wherever you get your podcast.