The Daily Show: Ears Edition - Fox News Writes Off the Impeachment Hearings as Boring and Unsexy | Steve Ballmer & Jeff Garlin

Episode Date: November 15, 2019

Fox News discourages viewers from watching the Trump impeachment hearings, Steve Ballmer discusses USAFacts, and Jeff Garlin talks about "Jeff Garlin: Our Man in Chicago." Learn more about your ad-choices at https://www.iheartpodcastnetwork.comSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

You're listening to Comedy Central. Finding great candidates to hire can be like trying to find a needle in a haystack. You might get a lot of resumes, but not enough candidates with the right skills or experience. But not with Zip Recruiter. Zip Recruiter finds amazing candidates for you fast. And right now you can try it for free at Zip Recruiter. Zip Recruits smart technology identifies top talent for your roles quickly. Immediately after you post your job, Zip Recruiter's powerful matching technology

starts showing you qualified people for it, and you can use Zip Recruiter's pre-written invite to apply message to personally reach out to your favorite candidates and encourage them to apply sooner. Ditch the other hiring sites and let Zip Recruiter find what you're looking for, the needle in the haystack. Four out of five employers who post on Zip Recruiter get a quality candidate within the first day. Try it for free at this exclusive web address. Zip Recruiter.com slash zip. Zip Recruiter. The smartest way to hire. John Stewart here. Unbelievable exciting news. My new podcast, the weekly show we're going to be talking the the th. th. th. th. tho th. tho tho to to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be the to be the the the the the the the the the the. thi. thease. theter. theter. theter. theter. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the. the. the. the. the. to to to to to to to to to to to the. to the. to theeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee. the. to hire. John Stewart here. Unbelievably exciting news. My new podcast, The Weekly Show. We're going to be talking about the election, economics, ingredient to bread ratio on sandwiches. Listen to the weekly show with John Stewart, wherever you get your podcast.

November 14, 2019. From Comedy Central's World News headquarters in New York, this is the Daily Show with Trevor Noah, Ears Edition. Welcome to the Kennedy Show everybody. I'm trying to know what. Thank you so much. Thank you so much. Thank you so much. Too much.

Let's do it. We have two guests tonight on the show. First up, we're going to be joined by billionaire businessman and owner of the LA Clippers, Steve Bummer is here, everybody. And then, you know and love him from Kirby Enthusiasm and now he's got a brand new Netflix special. Jeff Garland is on the show. Also, on tonight's episode, Bernie Sanders gets a makeover, how to make impeachment sexy and why Santa Claus has no time for your broke............. to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to toe, toe, toe, toe, toe, toe, toe, toe, too, to be to be to be to to to to to to to too, Steve, Steve, Steve, Steve, to me, Steve, Steve, to me me me me, to me me, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, too.s. And, too.s.s.s. And, too.s. And, too. And, too.s. And, too. And, their, their, their how to make impeachment sexy, and why Santa Claus has no time for

your broke ass. So let's catch up on today's headlines. Let's kick it off with the presidential race. This morning, former Massachusetts Governor Deval Patrick announced he is entering the Democratic primary. And can I just say, Democrats, what the F. What are you doing? You don't have to keep replenishing the stock when the candidates drop out. This is an election, not sustainable fishing. There's too many people. There's nothing personal, Governor, but they're already too

many candidates in this race. Just look at all those faces, huh? Look at all of those faces. So thank you for throwing your hat in the ring. Now pick it back up and get the fuck out of here, man. There's too many people. We don't need more Democratic candidates. What we do need is more of Bernie Sanders living his best life. Since his heart attack last month, Senator Bernie Sanders says he's living a totally different campaign lifestyle, changing his diet, his workout routine, and even his wardrobe. Sanders who used to frequent outback steak house and the campaign. the campaign the campaign the c the c the c. We th. We th. We th. We th. We th. We th. We th. We th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th. We th, th. We th, the, the, that, that, the, th. We don't th. We don't th, we don't th, we don't th, we don't, we don't, we don't, we don't, we don't th, we don't th, we don't th, we don't th, we don't th, we th, we th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th. We th. We th. We th. Thank, th. Thank, th. Thank, that, that, the, the, the, the, than, theat, than, thea, thea, thea, theat, that, thanks, that, the, that, his workout routine, and even his wardrobe. Sanders, who used to frequent Outback Steakhouse on the campaign trail has opted for more nutritious options, like grilled fish and often a soup and a salad.

The Vermont senator even switched up his look. Some allies have urged him to maybe tame his signature unkempt hair and to dress better. He's been seen sporting more stylish sweaters. Bernie! Oh, this is really great to hear. He's eating better, he's working out. Wouldn't it be dope if he worked out so much that he's just got like super ripped? Huh?

Just comes out, the only good 1% is my body fat. And look, I know some people are concerned about Bernie's age, but personally, it does not bother me. Sure, Bernie's 78 years old, but he's also been 78 years old for the past 40 years, so he's a pro at this. He's really good. And also, I get why eating better is good for his heart, but what does wearing stylish, but what does wearing stylish sweaters have to do with it?

It almost sounds like his staff decided to trick him. They were like, yeah, so the doctor recommended more exercise and less looking like a science teacher who lives in his car? I will say though, this is another example. Yet's another example of how the rules don't apply to Donald Trump, because Bernie has to fix his heart with exercise and eating healthy, meanwhile Trump is bones deep in a KFC bucket like, I'm gonna live forever, bitches! All right, but let's move on to some international news, where one of the most beautiful places on earth is in deep trouble.

There is a state of emergency in Venice tonight, as the historic Italian city deals with its worst flooding in more than 50 years. Much of Venice was submerged because of an exceptionally high tide. One man seemed swimming in historic St. Mark Square. The mayor is blaming it all on climate change. Ah, man, this is terrible to see. One of Italy's most magical cities is completely underwater. It's also crazy to see how there's always one guy,

or it's one guy who's making the most of any disaster. Like, I bet after the Titanic sank, there was also one dude in the water like, Marco! Marco, come on guys. But look, one way or another, I know Venice is going to bounce back from this flooding. I mean, first of all, Italy has fantastic plumbers, and also, if anyone knows how to turn a disaster into a tourist attraction, it's Italians. They've got a tower that's falling over, buildings that are crumbling, and a town that got swallowed by a volcano.

Like, their tourism slogan should just be, yo, you gotta see the shit that happened to us, man. All right, and finally, Christmas is just around the corner, which means it's time for Santa's to to sit on Santa's lap this year. Harrods in London restricting Santa visits to only allow families that have dropped $2,500 in their store. On top of that, those families who also make the cut have to buy a $25 ticket to visit Santa. For those hoping to get the VIP Santa,

the department says it's already sold out. Oh, hold up. You gotta pay $2,500 before you can see Santa? If I'm paying $2,500, Santa better be dancing on my lap. Yeah, I'd be like, that's right. Let me see you work in Nicholas. That's right. Yeah, I'm gonna call you by your government name. I paid, baby.

And you know what, I hope this doesn't inspire a larger movement with other magical creatures, you know, where kids have to pay a premium to engage in fantasy. Because otherwise, the tooth fairy is going to be checking your house's value on Zillow before she shows up. She's like, sorry, I only work in homes that are a million enough. Bye-bye. Also, why do kids even have to see Santa anymore? Like, why? Like, they should be sitting on Jeff Bezos' th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th. th. th. th. the th. thus, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. tho, thi. thi, thi. tho, th th th th th. th. th. th. th, th, the the the the the the their. their. their. their their their their, their, their, their their, their, their, their, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. to thi. to to to to to to to toooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo. to to the. tho. the. to him. All right, that's it for the headlines. Let's move on to our top story. Yesterday was a historic day in America. I finally tried kombucha.

Yeah. It's okay. But it was also a historic day because the House held its first public impeachment hearing where the ambassador to Ukraine and the inventor of Flubber both testified about President Trump's quid pro quo with the President of Ukraine. And this testimony was a pretty big deal, because for the first time the American public heard from nonpartisan officials about how the President abused his powers for personal gain. And even though millions of people have been talking about these hearings, over, over their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, thi, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, their, and, their, thiiiiii.a, thi.e, thi.e.e.e.e.s, th. th. th. their, th. their, th. th. the. their, the. their, their, their millions of people have been talking about these hearings, over on Fox News, their analysis of this impeachment is, eh, puss-pick.

There is no way that normal, ordinary people, middle America, are going to watch a hassle of lawyers going at it over the details of who said what to who, some obscure official from a foreign country. This is about a transcript of a phone call with a country no one cares about. You can't follow he said she said she said he said he said he said. I don't know what language quid pro quo is and okay. Is it Latin? So it's it Latin to everybody people don't understand that. No one can find Ukraine on the map. If you ask the American people anything about Ukraine, they don't know a thing about it. Wow.

So what, according to Fox News, Americans are too dumb to follow these impeachment proceedings? The word impeachment is very confusing. Maybe we should call it a presidential boo-boo. Would that help? You know, what's funny is how when it was Hillary's scandal, Fox News was like, now, as we all know, Benghazi isn't just home to Libya's signature dishbazian. It's also a hotbed of support for Ansel-All Sharia, especially around Tahir Square.

This is a big thing in Libya. But then, when it's a Donald Trump scandal, all of a sudden, they're like, What's a Ukraine? Ukraine? White Queen, Frazier Crane, the Bird Queen. Because look, even if people don't understand every aspect about the Ukraine scandal, that doesn't mean that they can't still grasp its importance. Like, I don't know what a second cousin once removed is.

What I do know is I'm not supposed to marry them. I'm sorry, Sheila, I know it would make Grandma happy, but it just can't happen. And Fox News is coming up with all kinds of ways to convince people that even if you do have a PhD in Ukraineology, these hearings still just aren't worth watching. In fact, sometimes if you watch Fox, like, it looks like they're straight up trying to hypnotize their viewers into not caring. This is nothing to do with national security. It's all just an illusion.

The whole thing is a charade. First, know this. It's important. Everything you're going to see in the next two weeks is rigged. This is a phony. thiiiiiiiiiolk, thiolk, thiolk, thi. thioln, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, toe, toe, is a thi, is, is, is, is This is a phony show trial. There is zero due process, none. We don't want to over-inflate its importance, which is questionable. This is stupid. A week from now you won't remember the details. Look deep into my eyes. A week from now you will remember none of the details.

And when I snap my fingers, you'll wake up and think racism only happens to white people. Three to one snap. Like what is that? You know it's crazy that after the first day, the first day of the impeachment hearings Fox has already written off the entire process which clearly shows you they have no intention of being objective at all they sound less like journalists and more like mean girls trying to sabotage someone's sweet 16. Just like, I've heard nobody's going. It's going to be like a stupid party and Ashley's dad is going to be the DJ.

Oh my God. I mean, like, I don't know. I don't know if Donald Trump is going to be found guilty or not. But you've got to at least watch the full proceedings before you make a determination. Otherwise you don't have the full story. You know? Like if you only watched the first half of Get Out, you just think it was a beautiful movie about an interracial couple. Yeah, it'd be like, her family's kind of weird, but if calling their viewers dumb or using mind control doesn't work, Fox has come up with another reason to ignore the impeachment hearings, and that is, it's just not binge worthy TV.

There is not a single person outside the Washington DC Beltway that gives a damn about what happened today. It's boring. It was a total snooze fest. It was kind of boring to watch on television. It was really just a huge dud. There wasn't anything sexy about it. There was not some big new piece of information that came out. With Richard Nixon, there was a break-in. With Bill Clinton, there was sex in the local office. Yeah. With Trump, it's a phone call to Ukraine. There's no burglary, there's no break-in, there's no tapes, there's no dress, there's no sex. It's not a sexy scandal.

Russia was sexy. This has no intrigue whatsoever. Whoa, whoa, whoa, you're saying Trump's impeachment is boring and unsexy? You know if Trump hears that it's gonna piss him off, right? He's gonna come out like, my impeachment will be the most exciting ever. I'll break into a hotel and best believe I'll jizz all over this dress. Don't make me do it. Don't make me do it. I'll do it.

Just make sure you wash it afterwards. I can't risk making another Eric. Don't want to take a chance. Here's the thing, people. These hearings are investigating whether the President of the United States committed high crimes or misdemeanors. So they're supposed to be serious. It's not about excitement.

You know, impeachment is like a family reunion. If it's sexy, something has gone horribly wrong. Sheila, please. Don't make things weird at the barbecue. I'm begging you, please. Now look, here at the Daily show, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we to to to at the barbecue. I'm begging you, please. Now look, here at the Daily Show, we want to help Fox viewers get into the impeachment spirits, because this is a really important time in America. So if they can't pay attention to the scandal

unless it's sexy, well, then you know what? We'll make it sexy. thinne. Did somebody order some military aid? I was getting so desperate for your missile. I'm gonna need some dirt on Joe Biden first. Put that quid in my quote. Put that quid in my quote.

Oh, I'll put the quid in my quote. Oh, I'll put the quid in your quote. I'm gonna blow that whistle. Oh, yeah, give me that dirt on Joe Biden. Yeah, dirt on Joe Biden. I'm gonna quo! Oh, yeah. You happy now? We'll be right back. Finding great to try and we'll be right back.

Finding great candidates to hire can be like trying to find a needle in a haystack. You might get a lot of resumes, but not enough candidates with the right skills or experience. But not with Zip Recruiter. Zip Recruiter finds amazing candidates for you fast. And right now you can try it for free at Zip Recruiter.com. SIP Recruiters' smart technology identifies top talent for your roles quickly. Immediately after you post your job, Zip Recruiters' powerful matching technology start showing you qualified people for it, and you can use Zip Recruiter's pre-written invite to apply message to personally reach out to your favorite candidates and

encourage them to apply sooner. Ditch the other hiring sites and let Zip Recruiter find what you're looking for, the needle in the haystack. Four out of five employers who post on Zip Recruiter within the first day. Try it for free at this exclusive web address.ziprecruiter.com. slash zip. Again, that's zip recruiter. the smartest way to hire. Hey, everybody, John Stewart here. I am here to tell you about my new podcast.

The weekly show. It's going to be coming out every Thursday. So exciting. You'll be saying to yourself, TGID, thank God it's Thursday. We're going to be talking about all the things that hopefully obsess you in the same way that they obsess me. The election, economics, earnings calls. What are they talking about on these earnings calls? We're going to be talking about ingredient to bread ratio on sandwiches and I know that I listed that fourth but in importance it's probably second. I know you have a lot of options as far as

podcasts go but how many of them come out on Thursday. I mean, talk about innovative. Listen to the weekly show with John Stewart, wherever you get your podcast. My first guest is the chairman of the Los Angeles Clippers and founder of USA Facts, a not-for-profit, nonpartisan initiative that is considered the go-to website for government data. Please welcome, former Microsoft CEO, Steve Barmer. Welcome to the Daily Show. Thank you very much. How are things going in life? Are you afraid? Are you stressed right now?

I mean, because you are, according to Forbes, a man who is a billionaire worth $51.7 billion. Elizabeth Warren, I've heard, is coming for you. Are you afraid? How are you feeling about this whole thing? Is there a war on the billionaires, or how do you feel about it? I think there's a great discussion to be had about who should pay how much taxes. I personally would be fine with paying more, and yet the most... Hold on. Hold on.

He hasn't said how much. Yes, and yet the most... Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. He hasn't said how much. Yes, I think the most important thing, frankly, is that people just get the numbers. Look at what's going on today. And then you can almost like a sign of quota. You should pay this much tax, you should pay that, but it's got to be based on what we want to do. What do we want to do to do with to do with to do with to do with to do with to do with the money to do with the money the money to do with the money the money to do with the money the money with the money with the money to do with to do with to do with to do with to do with to do with the money with the money with the money with the money with to do with to do with the money with the money with to do with the money with the money with the money with the money with the money with the money with the money with the money with the money with the money with the money with the money with the money with to do with to do with to do with to do with to do with the money with the money with to do want the money with the money with the money with the money with the money with the money with the money with the money with the money with the money with the money with the money with the money? How much? Who can pay? Right. What other expenses can we cut? Just get it right.

And then the will of the people will decide what should happen. And I'll be okay with it. That's really interesting. Whatever it is. Yeah, because you've always been one of the people who said, you've said, hey, I don't agree with this idea that the government, the the government the government the government the government the the same time, government has to do a better job of using the taxes that it collects, and as a billionaire, I'm willing to pay more. So you're not afraid in life. You're not like stressed every day.

You're not like waking up in the middle of the night. Like, Elizabeth? I wake up stressed every day. Are we going to win tonight? Oh, is that? Okay. I don't have any issues on the other front. That's good. I feel like the clippers now more than ever are not stressed. You have Kauai Leonard on your team. You have an excitement in LA that I have never seen before.

This is really a momentous occasion. And you're getting ready to build an arena for the LA clippers, which please correct me if I'm wrong here. Apparently you're designing it so that the players can hear the crowd more, like the roar goes into the court. We want it to be the most intense, hardcore, high energy, basketball junkies building in the world. I like the idea, but I was thinking, I was worried like, what if acoustically it works

too well, and then like the players can just hear like someone just talking in like the stands and the person's like hey honey pass the catch up and the guy's like pass wait who said that and then like it could throw you also doing you're also doing like augmented reality but I don't understand what that means you're saying like you're gonna put people in the game but how what does that mean what you gonna do? We have a set a technology You watch the game and in real time, it'll give you probability that somebody will make a shot based upon where people are standing, who it is, is it a good shot, what can you expect out of that? It'll diagram the plays that are going on real time on the floor.

We've got this live today. Because of rights were in quote, alpha, or beta test still. Right, right. But the stuff exists today. You know, there's limited stuff that does this today. There really is no first down marker in football on the field. It gets painted in by a computer. It's that concept on steroids. Oh, I thought someone just ran out and did it every... Teaching us things.

Let's talk about the big reason you're here today. Let's talk about USA Facts. It feels like we live in a world today where facts are no longer a thing. It feels like more and more people want to live in silos where they believe what they believe, and a fact is something that can be determined by the person who is absorbing the information. You've created a website that is geared towards facts. What is USAFacts? USAFacts.org is a website. I got into this four or five years ago, and I just wanted to understand,

who pays how much taxes? What does the money get spent on? And what are the outcomes we get for all of that? And it was impossible to find. So I started just splunking around toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe, toe, toe, th. thiiiiii. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thoomomom. thoom. the thi. thoom. thoom. thoom?. thoom. thoomoomoom. thoom. I, thoom. I, the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. toea. toooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooe. thuu. the impossible to find. So I started just splunking around, try to understand. My wife had made a comment about where our taxes go or don't go. Couldn't do it. Got into it and said, hey, I should share this with other people. It's very interesting to understand.

And by the numbers. By the numbers. Part of the problem with words is they're partisan. Numbers don't thi th, th,. And we've been pursuing it, you know, ever since. We've published annual report by the numbers of government in the United States not for three years. It's interesting because it's a nonpartisan effort that you've put together, where you've gone,

this data comes from the government. It's compiled from different government departments and it's factual information, but nobody knows how to compile it until now. Like you've gone and said, hey, if you want to know how much is being spent on schools in this district, you can find out. If you want to know how much is being spent on immigration or what is what your money is being used for, what the government's wasting on, spending on, etc. You can use this website. What have you learned America works? Yeah, there's a number of things that have really prompted me. If you had said to me, five years ago,

who really pays how much taxes in the U.S.? I wouldn't have been able to tell you. I wouldn't have been able to tell you there are people who pay more in taxes right now than they earn an income. Wow. And then they get they get transfers that come from the government. And you can decide whether you think, you know, whether that's a great situation or not. We let our users decide what they decide on policy. We'll give you the facts and you can decide what's good or bad.

I'll give you another one. Only 33% of third graders, 8th graders, sorry this country are proficient in math. 33% 33% 33% but it's up. Oh it's up over the last several you well somebody you look at it and say progress is good. Right but that's a judgment but education spending at the same time. Right. Inflation adjusted? More than doubled. That's actually interesting.

So you've basically created this site because you wanted to break through the whole partisan breaking down of what news is and just go, here's a fact. A person at home can decide what that fact means. Some of the more interesting polls that you've conducted though on USA facts have have illuminated a few things. So for instance, you've conducted some, we have a few of these slides here that we can pull up now, like some of the data facts.

If you can pull them up there, Paul, like for instance, how much do you trust information from the president? Republicans 40% right, Democrats 5% percent. And then if you see like the not at all is, the the the the, th, th, th, th, th, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thin, th. thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi, thi, thee, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we'll, we'll, we'll, we'll, we'll, we'll, we'll, we'll, we'll, we'll, we'll, we'll, we'll, we'll, we'll, we'll, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the th. th. the the th. the th. the the th. the the the thoooooooooo. We've, we have, we have. th. th. We'll, we've, no, only 15% say not at all, but 61% of Dems. But I mean, that's a big, if you look at the next slide, for instance, we have another one that's really interesting, how much do you trust each source? Republicans don't trust public TV or radio and they don't trust national TV news. And in the next slide, this one, even a little by scientists, Republicans are like no, only 40%. Democrats say 72%, verified by academics, 30% to 57%. So, so this is just information that you're compiling for people. You don't even give anybody an opinion on this. We do not.

We explicitly don't give opinions. Now, this was a poll we ran. As you pointed out, everything else we do is government data, but we need to know what we're doing. Just take even the the the the the the the the the thin thin thin thin, thin, thi, thin, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, to thi, to thi, to to to to to to to to to to to to know, to know, to toe, too, too, too, too, too, too, too, too, toe, toe, toe, toe, toe, to to to to to to to to be to be to be to be to be, to be, to be to be, to be, to be, too, too, too, too, too, too, too, too, thi, thi, thi, tho, tooomoomoomoomorrow, too, tooome, tooomorrow, too, tooomorrow, too, too, too, too, too, to know what we're doing. Just take even the thing about academics and scientists, because you can react one way or another. The truth of the matter is a lot of what you see out of economists is forecasts. And on every forecast, you'll see one on the right and one on the left, and they'll say different things.

I don't know what you would think. At Microsoft, I didn't believe the forecast. what it actually happened. So all of these things have contact, and that's why we have to share what actually happened. There's a quote I'd like to give you from Madison. Something in fact of a popular government without popular information or the ability to go get it is a prologue to a farce or even worse a tragedy. Huh. And so that's what you, that's, I mean, the facts sort of start there with their the mean that's the facts sort of start there with Madison So if I would just say to you Steve Bama as somebody who's been part of this USA Facts what do you hope Americans would achieve by going to this website?

What do you just want people to get from the website because it is free it is non-partisan it is it's just facts that are compiled what are you hoping it will achieve? I hope we can get to a point with not to to to to the the to the the the the to the to thapapape. th. the th. th. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. that's. that's thi. What is that's that's. that's. that's. that's. that's. that's. that's. What is that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's. What. What. that's th. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the the the the the. the. the. thea. the. thea with not as much polarization, civilized dialogue. People can disagree about what to do, but at least, at least be in the same place. We have a little fun thing coming out here soon for Thanksgiving. You're going to sit around a table with relatives and people are going to disagree. And they're going to want to scream and yell at each other. So we have a Thanksgiving fact sheet from USAFax, pull it on your phone, and you can say, I'll get you the real date on that top.

Boom! Boom! Spendual for Thanksgiving holiday. Thanksgiving will never be the same. Thank you so much for being on the show. You can check out all the data at USAFX. Steve Ball, everybody. We'll be right back. Thank you, so. Thank you. Finding great candidates to hire can be like trying to find a needle in a haystack.

You might get a lot of resumes, but not enough candidates with the right skills or experience. But not with Zip Recruiter. Zip Recruiter finds amazing candidates for you fast. And right now you can try it for free at ziprecruter.com slash zip. Zip recruiter's smart technology identifies top talent for your roles quickly. Immediately after you post your job, zip recruiters powerful matching technology starts showing you qualified people for it. And you can use zip recruiters pre-written invite to apply message to personally reach out to your favorite candidates and encourage them to apply sooner. Ditch the other hiring sites and let Zip Recruiter find what

you're looking for, the needle in the haystack. Four out of five employers who post on Zip Recruiter get a quality candidate within the first day. Try it for free at this exclusive web address, zip recruiter.comZip Recruiter. The smartest way to hire. Hey, everybody, John Stewart here. I am here to tell you about my new podcast, the weekly show coming out every Thursday. We're going to be talking about the election, earnings calls. What are they talking about on these earnings calls? We're going to be talking about ingredient to bread ratio on sandwiches. I know you have a lot of options as far as podcasts go, but how many

of them come out on Thursday. Listen to the weekly show with John Stewart wherever you get your podcast. Welcome back to the Daily Show. My next guest is a comedian and actor. You know him from Kirby Enthusiasm and the Goldberg's. His new Netflix comedy special is called Jeff Garland, our man in Chicago. Please welcome, Jeff Garland. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. By the way, I do anything Steve Balmer says. No. Thank you. Thank you.

Welcome to the Daily Show. Thank you. By the way, I do anything Steve Balmer says. No, I do. I'm a Clipper's ticket holder and he's become,'s just he's a legend so you wait wait so you you go to the Clippers games I go to the Clippers games and I love the team oh has it has it how long have you been a fan two years so no hold I live in Los Angeles everything I love is from I'm a Cubs fan Bears fan the Bulls have become quite the embarrassment. And the Clippers were this team of these grinders, of these guys.

And I fell in love with them. And then they signed two superstars after I bought season tickets. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So it's really fun. I mean, look, I'm a long time Cubs fan. I know about sticking with the team. Oh my guy. No one one can can can th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th the th tho tho tho tho tho tho tho the tho tho tho tho tho the c. No one tho, no one tho, no one tho, no one, no one, no one, no one, tho, the c. the c. the c-up. their, their, their, their, their, their, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. theea. thea. Cli. thea. thea. thea. thea. thea. I know about sticking with the team. Oh my God.

No one can say you're flimsy and your support of a team. No, no, I'm not. What's the camera? What is this? I take pictures. As a matter of fact, I, hold on, hold on. Oh, yeah, now, I have a show going up at the Lika Gallery in LA in January, and one of these pictures might be in it.

Wait, so, what, like a professional photographer? Yeah, yeah. Yeah, I have, I have shots of John. I always brought my camera. I've actually letterman every talk show I go on, I bring it with me. Even Hoda and Kathy Lee. I have! We have, we have, we have these pictures these pictures pictures pictures these pictures pictures pictures these these these pictures pictures pictures pictures pictures pictures pictures. We have, we have, we have, we have, we have, we have, we these pictures pictures pictures pictures pictures pictures pictures pictures pictures pictures pictures pictures pictures pictures pictures pictures pictures pictures pictures pictures pictures pictures pictures pictures pictures pictures pictures pictures pictures pictures pictures pictures pictures pictures pictures pictures pictures, and these pictures, and these pictures, and these pictures pictures pictures. And, and these pictures, and these pictures, and these pictures, and these pictures, and these pictures pictures pictures pictures pictures pictures pictures pictures pictures pictures pictures pictures pictures, and these pictures pictures pictures. And, and these pictures. And, and these pictures. And, and these pictures. And, and these pictures. And, and these pictures. And, we have, and these pictures. And, we have, we have, we have, we have, we have, we have, we have, we have, we have, we have, we have, we have, we have, we have, we have, we have, we have, we have, and these pictures, and these pictures, and these pictures, and these pictures, and these pictures, and these pictures, and these pictures, and these pictures, and these pictures, and these pictures pictures, and these pictures pictures pictures, and these pictures, and these show I go on, I bring it with me. Even Hoda and Kathy Lee. I have, we have all these shows. We have cameras, like we can.

Yeah, but it gets me. I don't want to see me. I want to see you. And by the way, who else gets this perspective? And by the way, who else gets this perspective? thanks. And by the way, and by the way, you are incredibly photogenic and handsome. Thank you. Thank you, Jeff.

This is, wow. Yeah. Let me, let me ask you, this is, you can ask you that. You can ask me anything you want. That's exactly what I was going to ask about. I'm going to ask you about. No, Jeff's one of the only people who's come to the show where like at most shows what you do is you'll like talk to the person before they come on and just be like what are we going to chat. Jeff was like I don't want to talk to you before. I don't want to talk to you before. I don't know what you're to talk shows for a lot of years. I don't know. Is-interview was when John was here. Right. And so I love that we didn't do a pre-interview. And when you said we're going to do this, I go, I don't want to know.

I don't want to know. I don't want to know. I don't want to know. I don't want to think about it at a time. So you don't care about what happens. I'm, I.. I. th. I. to to to. I. I. I. I. I. I. to to th. I. to th. th. I. to th. th. th. to to th. to th. to do. to do to do to do to do to do to do th. I don't the. the. the. to do to do to do to do to do to do to do to do to do to do to do to do to do to do to do to do to do to do to do tho. I tho. I tho. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I don't th. I don't th. I don't the. I don't the. I don't theat, I don't theat, I don't theat. I don't the. I don't theat. I don't theat. I don't thi. I don't the. I'm glad. I'm glad you say that. I'm full of joy and I'm honored and thrilled to be here. Let's use that. I am so glad you say that because we have someone who claims to have your son. If you can come up. Ha ha ha ha ha. Oh boy. Oh boy.

Let me ask you this. Like when you're making a show like Kirby Enthusiasm and I know there's another season coming up, no spoilers or anything, but when you're making a show like that where it's all improvised, yeah. Are you ever worried before a scene that's not going to be magic? Because we all love that show. Every time I go up? No hour that's completely improvised. Wait, your stand-up is improvised? Every time I go up, except for this, well, here, okay.

So first off, ha ha ha. First off, never. It's what I do. It's what we do. Larry David and I laugh all day long, both on and off camera. And it is so, and it is so. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. th th th th th th th th th thi. thi. toe. toe. toe. toe. th thi. toe. toe. toe. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. to. th. to to to to to to to to to toe. toe. toe. toea. toea. toea. toea. toea. toea. toe toe toea. toea. toeust that it's gonna work, and it does, and it's fun. Sometimes he'll call me on the way home and go, here's what we could have done, and then we might do that letter, we've re-shot things.

Okay, okay, okay, right. In general, it works. It just works. So tell me about the special then, because you've got, thapapapapapapap... th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. that, that, that, that, that, thi. that, that, thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. tha. tha. tha. tha. tha. tha. tha. tha. tha. tha. tha. tha. tha. tha. tha. tha.'ve done for like 20 audio years and stand-up is like 37 years. 37 years you've been improvising? Yeah, yeah. Yeah. So, I started when I was 20. I'm 57. I don't want people doing math. But here's the thing.

Netflix says, okay, we want you to do a special. Right. I've kind of had that in my pocket for thia thia thia thia th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thiii. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. that thi. that that that that that that that, that, that's, that's, thi. to be that's, that's, that's, that's, that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be th. thi. th. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. that's thi. thi. that's thi. that's thi. that's thi. thi. thi. to do a special. I've kind of had that in my pocket for like three years. So I worked hard developing a show that was special. Because when I was a kid, comedy specials were special. Now, I'll have an opening act, six months later I'll go, hey, how you doing? Oh, I just told my sp- And I'll think to myself, oh,they're just not ready. So I worked hard to have a special that's not a what so special about my special. I filmed... Wait, wait, wait, go back, say that again?

I worked to have a special. I worked hard to have a special. Yes. That wouldn't be a what's so special about my special. Which when you watch special, yes, sometimes you ask that. Why, why, why, why, I I I I I I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. they, th. they, they, th. th. th. th. tha. that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, like why is the special? Why, why, I mean I get depressed when I watch most comedy specials. Wow. I do. You're funny. You need to talk to someone Jeff. There's lot, no, I don't need to. I don't need to. I, I think. But if you're getting depressed when watching stand-up, you need to talk to somebody. I have therapy, but that doesn't th. that th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi. their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, I'm, I their, their, I'm, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their. their. their, their, their. their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, I their, I their, I their, I their, their, their, their, their their their their their their their their their their their their their their, their, their, their, their, theapy, but that doesn't come up. I've got other things I'm sad about. Anyhow, I filmed the first, I did two shows in one night. First show, I did the beginning, the middle,

and the end that I've worked on. So, second show, I went up and let it rip, and that's the special that airs. Like, I improvised a lot. I improvise a tod. tone tone tone, tone, tone, tone, tone, tomise tone, tomse. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm tho, tho, the the the thoom. I'm the the the thoom. I'm the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the first. the the first. the first. the the the first. the the the first. I'm the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. th. th. th. th. I'm. I'm tie. I'm tooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooe. I'm thae. I'm th. the ton because it's too arrogant to say to Netflix, yeah, give me your money, I'll make it up, it'll work. And by the way, it might, but it might not. And that's just, that's just not a risk in that situation. So what if you have a joke that crushes on a night? Yeah. You just let that joke.

that jokes? Yeah. It was nice in the moment. But don't you think that's like a waste of jokes? I mean like we live in an environment like there's climate change, like turtles are being like strangled and you're throwing away jokes here. This is wastage. Here's why? You should be recycling the jokes. You know why? You know why I throw away jokes?

Why? Why? Why? That's what makes you special. Chef Garland, Outman in Chicago, is currently streaming on Netflix. Chef Garlane, everybody. The Daily Show with Trevor Noah, Ears Edition. Watch the Daily Show weeknights at 11, 10 Central on Comedy Central and the Comedy Central app. Watch full episodes and videos at the Daily Show.com. Follow us on Facebook, Twitter and Instagram,

and subscribe to the Daily Show on YouTube for exclusive content and more. This has been a Comedy Central podcast. John Stewart here. Unbelievably exciting news. My new podcast, The Weekly Show. We're going to be talking about the election, economics, ingredient to bread ratio, on sandwiches. Listen to the weekly show with John Stewart, wherever you get your podcast.