The Daily Show: Ears Edition - Fox News's War On Christmas

Episode Date: December 24, 2023

Former Daily Show host Jon Stewart covers the annual Fox News coverage of the war on Christmas as Fox News aims to clear up the historical record on Santa Claus. Plus, Desi Lydic & Jordan Klepper head to the FOX News All American Christmas tree lighting to see who's been naughty and nice this year. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

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I know you have a lot of options as far as podcasts go, but how many of them come out on Thursday? Listen to the Weekly Show with John Stewart, wherever you get your podcast. You're listening to Comedy Central. You're probably aware by now our nation's been embroiled in a long and bitter war. The first alveau in the war on Christmas. War on Christmas. A war on Christmas. War on Christmas. War on Christmas.vo in the War on Christmas. It is. The War on Christmas. A War on Christmas.

War on Christmas. War on Christmas! War on Christmas! War on Christmas! It's not to be confused with, war on Christmas. There's a tremendous Christmas album. Maximus.

For years now, Christmas has been under attack, defended only by the brave souls of Fox News. Are they still up to the task? That is the subject of tonight's War on Christmas Friendly Fire Edition. Let's face facts. The annual Fox War on Christmas, It's become a little predictable.

It's basically, I imagine you can make one up with a, like a make Fox News mad libs. Let's see. So, let's see, let's try to do one of these. All right. Last week, in, I need the name of some godless liberal bastion. Santa Monica. Okay, Santa Monica, that'll do. I need the name of some godless liberal bastion. Santa Monica. Okay, Santa Monica, that'll do.

Let me just fill in Santa Monica there. And in Santa Monica, a group of, give me the name of a small group of annoying people with incredibly limited control over our culture. Atheists. Okay, atheists will do, that's right. Everyone's favorite uncle that lives in Oregon, no one ever says, you know. So a group of atheists have ruined Christmas by forcing the

removal of I need a classic Christmas symbol. Ass. That's... Damn it, Brian, we're trying to do something here. DEMIT, Brian, we're trying to do something here! Just go sit in a car! A nativity scene. Thank you, nativity scene.

Some people are still grownups over there in actuards. Okay. All right, so we're done. Let's see if we can put that all together, shall we? A atheists seem to have ended a 60-year-old Christmas tradition in Santa Monica, California. A federal judge backing Santa Monica's decision to no longer allow nativity scenes in a public park. Oh my God, that is such an out... It's as though the war on Christmas has become a rote observance, devoid of all its original spiritual meaning.

Even its most ardent proponents have seen doubt creep in. Now a lot of people, for whatever reason, will look at this interview today and they'll say, Gretchen Carlson and Doreen Costa are nuts, okay? They're so nuts because they think that there's this made up war on Christmas. We're not nuts, are we? there? there? There? There. There there? There there? There there? There there? There there? There there? There there? There there? There there? There there? There there? there? there? there? there? th? th. th. th. thi? thi? thiii? thi? thi? thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi? thi? thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii. thi. thi. th they think that there's this made-up war on Christmas. We're not nuts, are we? There is a war on Christmas. As a general rule, if you're trying to tell whether you and one other person are nuts, asked, If you're trying to tell whether you and one other person are nuts, ask a third person.

Preferably someone outside the asylum. But since you ask the question, am I nuts to think there's a war on Christmas, it's only polite for me to offer you a resounding, yes, you're nuts. Because for whatever annoying local ticky-tack Christmas abolishing story, you and your merry band of persecution-seeking researchers can scour the wires to turn up, the rest of us can't swing a dead elf without knocking over an inflatable snow globe or a giant blinking candy cane. For God's sakes, Fox News itself is located in Midtown Manhattan, the epicenter of all that is godless, secular,

gay, Jewy, and hellbound. And yet, even here, all around your studio, it looks like Santa's balls exploded. That is a hypothesis. That is a hypothesis. You know, in the old days before the war on Christmas, the celebration of the birth of Christ lasted a day, like birthdays do. And then it seeped into the night before Christmas, the Eve if you will. And then the next thing you know, we were riding this thing all the way to Epiphany. Fine, 12 days.

Gave time for lords to leap and geese to lay and partridges to pear and gold to ring and it's just 12 days of servants and fultree, whatever. But it still wasn't enough. There's a war on Christmas? Has anyone told Thanksgiving? Because this year, Black Friday, aka Christmas's opening bell, got moved back a day to Black Thursday,

or as we used to call it, Thanksgiving. Christmas is so big now, it's eating other holidays. Watch your ass Halloween, you're next. I mean, that's your question. Do atheists land an occasional blow, I guess? Even the Washington generals get lucky once in a while. But when you look at the overall record between the two teams, for God's sakes, there are radio stations that play nothing but Christmas carols, stores that sell nothing but Christmas decorations all year long. There is a TV channel devoted to a Yule log. And it's kicking CNN's ass in the wig. But don't worry, don't worry non-log burning

channels. There's Christmas programs for you as well. There's old-timey, traditional Christmas programming. Really old-timey, Dickensian Christmas special programming. New-timey, hey, hey, urban Christmas specials, Mormon Christmas specials, country western Christmas specials, shipmunk Christmas specials, otter Christmas specials, bear Christmas specials, cat Christmas specials, large-headed child Christmas, gay Christmas, gay Christmas,

Jewish Christmas, whatever the fucks this is Christmas. Christmas underwater. Christmas from the future. Prehistoric Christmas. That's right. There's a Christmas special, celebrating Jesus's birth thousands of years before the birth of Jesus. That is a holiday that is not in danger.

There is so much Christmas all over the place. It's getting harder for Christmas's defenders to fight for Christmas without accidentally doing damage to it. Which brings us to our friendly fire incident. Watch what happens when our good friend Bill O'Reilly takes the atheists bait. What religion is involved with Christmas? What religion? Christianity is not a religion. That's a philosophy. So you're going to actually tell me on live television that Christianity is not a religion. Correct. It is a philosophy.

No! Bill, why? Bill, why, Bill, why? Have you learned nothing from our friendship? You just handed that atheist another thing he can't believe. You just handed that atheist another thing he can't believe. Christianity is a religion. Christianity has a philosophical element, but there is a difference between a philosophy and a religion.

For instance, let's look at Socrates and Jesus. They have a lot in common, loose-fitting clothing, beards, sandals, teaching through parable, martyrdom. But here's where we find the distinction between philosophy and religion. After their martyrdom, one of them got better. I'll give you a hint. It's the one who ascended into heaven and is seated at the right hand of the father who will come again in glory to judge a living in the dead, whose kingdom

will have no end. Anyone? Anyone? Bueller? Anyone? It's Jesus! No? We bestow one of them tax-exempt status. Why isn't Christianity a religion? Christianity is not an organized religion, a church that can be imposed. Christianity is a philosophy. You don't have to believe Jesus is God in order to admire his view on life. No, but you have to believe Jesus is God to be a Christian. For instance, I like a lot of Jesus' philosophy. Love your neighbor, little cheek turning, stone not casting. It's very nice.

But while I can get an A in his philosophy class, I don't get to go to the after party. You get what I'm saying here, Bill? So you want to do this in my place, your place, because Baruchata, I'm f-f'i' we'll be right back. We'll be right back. Finding great candidates to hire can be like trying to find a needle in a haystack. You might get a lot of resumes, but not enough candidates with the right skills or experience.. Bill. Bill. Bill. Bill. Bill. Bill. Bill. Bill. Bill. Bill. Bill. Bill. Bill. Bill. Bill. Bill. Bill. Bill. Bill. Bill. to, Bill. to, Bill. to, Bill, Bill, Bill, Bill, Bill, Bill, Bill, Bill, Bill, Bill, Bill, Bill, Bill, Bill, Bill, Bill, Bill, Bill, Bill, Bill, Bill, Bill, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, Bill, Bill, Bill, Bill, Bill, Bill, Bill, Bill, Bill, Bill, Bill, Bill, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, th, th, th, th, th, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, to thi, to to to thi, thack. You might get a lot of resumes, but not enough candidates with the right skills or experience. But not with Zip Recruiter. Zip Recruiter finds amazing candidates for you fast.

And right now you can try it for free at Zip Recruiter. Zip Recruiter's smart technology identifies top talent for your roles quickly. Immediately after you post your job, Zip Recruiters' powerful matching technology starts showing you qualified people for it. And you can use Zip Recruiter's pre-written invite to apply message to personally reach out to your favorite candidates and encourage them to apply sooner. Ditch the other hiring sites,

and let Zip Recruiter find what you're looking for, the needle in the haystack, Four out of five employers who post on zip recruiter get a quality candidate within the first day. Try it for free at this exclusive web address, zip recruiter.com slash zip. Again that's zip recruiter.com slash zip. Zip recruiter. The smartest way to hire. John Stewart here. Unbelievably exciting news. My new podcast, the weekly show. We're going to be talking about the election. Economics. A to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the te.e.e.eck.eck.eck.eck. the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the we're going to be talking about the election, economics, ingredient to bread ratio on sandwiches. Listen to the weekly show with John Stewart, wherever you get your podcast. We all know Christmas is everyone's favorite holiday. Everyone's. We all know Christmas is everyone's favorite holiday. Everyone's.

Everyone's. But it is very's favorite holiday. Everyone's. Everyone's. But it is very difficult for even our staunchest defenders of Christmas to keep the spirit of the season when Christmas, its very essence, is under constant siege by... Someone? Something! It's the subject of our new segment. War on Christmas! By someone? Something? It's the subject of our new segment. War on Christmas!

B'kitting weird. Addition. First up, the general patent of the war on Christmas. There's an even crazier topic out there. Remember this classic Seinfeld moment? Out of that. A new holiday was born. A Festivus for the rest of us.

Oh, please. That's the classic episode. I mean, the episode was funny, but not Festivist. Yes, that episode was funny, but not Festivist, the central comedic conceit of that episode. Not funny! Wait, why is Festivus not a holiday for the rest of us? Now a nearly six-foot-tall festivist poll made from empty beer cans about to go up at the Florida State Capitol, I'm not kidding. It's part of a not-so-subtle protest against the Nativity scene already on display there. Who gives it?

Can't you just pretend? Can't you just pretend it's a place for the wise men to tie up their camels? How about that? I mean, really, you're concerned there's a six-foot festivist pole made out of beer cans. It's Florida. You're lucky, you're lucky there's a six-foot festivist pole made out of beer cans. It's Florida. You're lucky. You're lucky there's not a stripper named Christmas swinging on it.

It's... You've been to Florida? But I'm... I apologize. I apologize. You're upset. Why do I have to drive around with my kids to look for nativity scenes and be like, oh yeah, kids? Look, look, look, there, there, there, there, there, there, there's, there's, there's, there's, there's, there's, there's, there's, there's, there's, there's, there's, there's the the thoome. thoome. thoom and their. thiolk. thoom and thoom and thoom and thoom and tho- thoom and thoom. th. th. th. th. there's, th. th. there's, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thea. thea. too too too too the the there's the there's the there's not there's not there's not there's not there's not there's thea. to drive around with my kids to look for nativity scenes and be like, oh yeah, kids, look, there's baby Jesus behind the Festivist Pole made out of beer cans.

It's nuts. Yes, that sounds relatively nuts. Why are you driving around looking for nativity scenes in the car when you could just bring your kids to where you work? Where you put a giant nativity scene out on the plaza. But as much as I'm used to Gretchen's yearly manger, danger warnings, little surprised to see Megan Kelly going full Christmas Nog. So in Slate they have a piece on dot-com. Santa Claus should not be a white

man anymore. By the way for all you kids watching at home, Santa just is white, but this person is just arguing that maybe we should we should also have a black Santa, but you know Santa is what he is and just so you know we're just debating this because someone wrote about it, kids. told me, just got to the today. to the f-scius got real. Santa is just white. And who are you actually talking to? Children who are sophisticated enough

to be watching a news channel at 10 o'clock at night, yet innocent enough to still believe Santa Claus is real, yet racist enough to be freaked out if he isn't white. Why? That's such a narrow, yes, West Virginia, there is a Santa Claus. But since we're pretending to debate this, carry on. The author seems to have, you know, she's African American, and she seems to have real pain at having grown up with this image of a white Santa.

Just because it makes you feel uncomfortable doesn't mean it has to change. Actually, I think that's the official slogan of oppression. Oppression. Just because it makes you feel uncomfortable doesn't mean it has to change. You know what's interesting? That's also the slogan of Arby's. I don't know why we do that. They're perfectly nice people make perfectly nice food. I don't know why we do that. They're perfectly nice people make perfectly nice food. I don't know why we continue to do this.

Now, you may wonder why on this news channel they're making assertions of fact about a fictional character. Santa Claus is based on St. Nicholas, who was an actual person, a Greek bishop, and was a white man. You can't take facts and then try to change them to fit some sort of a political agenda or a sensitivity agenda. There is so much crazy going on here. So much crazy, I don't even have time to deal with a Fox news pundit saying, you can't take facts and try and change them to fit some kind of political agenda. I can't th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th that that that that that that that that that that that that. that. that. that. that. that that. that. that. that that that. that that that that that. that saying you can't take facts and try and change them to fit some kind of political agenda. I can't say that even though that's

all that's how much crazy is going on here. But what she is suggesting is that you can't just arbitrarily change the facts about the real historical St. Nicholas, who was a white man, even though he was from Greece, which is actually Turkey today, and that white man lives at the North Pole and drives a sleigh pulled by flying reindeer. But you can't change the facts about it. Of course, the real St. Nicholas was from a part of the facts. Of course, the real St. Nicholas was from a part change the facts about it.

Of course, the real St. Nicholas was from a part of the world that is now Turkey, and according to forensic scientists, who studied research originally commissioned by the Vatican, he probably looked something like this. So who exactly is changing the facts to make themselves more comfortable here? Actual St. Nicholas? Well, my guess is there'd be no Christmas if he looked like that dude, because he's probably still on the no-fly list. And then, things got really weird.

Jesus was a white man too, but you know, it's like we have, he was a historical figure, I mean that's a verifiable fact. I'll give you that Jesus was an historical figure, but you're gonna get a little pushback on the white thing. You do know Jesus wasn't born in Bethlehem, Pennsylvania, right? For more, we're joined by our senior Christmas, our senior Christmas historical accuracy correspondent Jessica Williams. Jessica, thank you. Welcome to me. Nice to see you. Merry Christmas. Happy holiday. Merry Christmas.

Well, the big news that I hear out of the whole Jesus is white thing is that Jews are white now. So, congratulations, John. But you know, what about Santa? Do you feel Santa is white? What about people insisting that Santa is white? Oh, John, Santa is white. That's just a fact. It's miracle on 34th Street, not miracle on 134th Street. Not miracle on 134th Street. The only, the only miracle on 134th Street is that we get to participate at all. Half the time Santa skips us on his way downtown, just like a taxi cab.

Here's the thing, Santa is fiction. He's not even real. Hey, hey, man, what the hell are you doing? Hey, kids? Stop crying. Santa is real as f- And he's really white. He's really white. No, but that, Jessica, if we're talking history here, and that is what they're saying, we're talking fact and history, St. Nicholas was from the area of the world that is now Turkey. He was not some cherubic Wilford Brimley type.

Hey, don't be stupid, John. A swarthy Turkish Santa will make people very uncomfortable. Yes, yes, but that Megan said, just because you feel uncomfortable, that doesn't mean you should change it. Oh, wait, no. Megan said, if I feel uncomfortable, there's no need to change it. If white people feel uncomfortable, then we have to change it. And then pretend it's the way it's thi it's always always always always always always always always always always always always always always always always always always always always always always always always always always always always always always always always always always it's always always always always always always always it's always always always always always it's always always always always always it's always always it's always always always always always it's how this became this. It works that way for everything. Like how

this becomes this. White people don't want to hear jailhouse rock from somebody who'd actually been to jail. Real jail is uncomfortable. Elvis, jail is fun. He did. He looked like you were having a great time dancing. Ain He ain't love about a hell-lorn. Right? Yeah. I mean, John, that's how it's done. First you fix history, then you lock that shit down. Forever, in a vault.

Sorry, Santa's not black just because some blogger wishes he was. Just like Meg is not black just because she spills her name creatively. And let's face to John. There is no tha thia thia thia thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi tho tho tho tho thi thi thi thi that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's thi. First thi. First thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi. thi thi. thi. thi. thiiiiiiiii. thiiiooooooooooooooooo. First, that's that's that's there is no way this could be Santa. But why, now, you look very jolly, why not? Because the moment white folks saw a black man with a big old bag coming down their chimney, it'd be time to grab a gun and stand your ground. Jessica Williams, thank you so much. Merry Christmas.

The holidays are coming up, and that means the start of a decade's old tradition. Desi and I went on location to watch it happen. America has had its share of intractable wars, but Fox News has been tracking one forever war in particular. It's the war on Christmas. The war on Christmas. And there's no end in sight. Now it feels like the war on Christmas is coming. the the the the the the the the the the th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. T. T. thi. T. thiole. thiol-I's thi. T. T. thiol-I's thoes thoes thoes. T. T. T. T. T. T. T. T. T. T. T. T. T. T. T. T. T. T. And th. And th. And th. And th. And th. And th. And th. And th. And th. And th. And th. And th. And th. And th. And th. And th. And th. And th. And th. And th. th. th. th. thooooooooooooo. to t. t. to. to. to. to. to. te. to. to. to. the. t Christmas to the war on Christmas. And there's no edge in sight. Now it feels like the war on Christmas is coming earlier and earlier every year. So we came to the Fox News All-American Christmas tree lighting

show to talk to people about how they're surviving the war on Christmas. I don't feel like there's a war on Christmas and I think if there was a war in Christmas, Christmas would win. Are you familiar with the wa wa wa wa wa wa wa wa wa wa wa wa wa the the the the the the the th?? the th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi thi thi thi thi th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. So th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi thi thi thi thi the. the. the. to to to to to to to to to to to to to to the but I don't really think it's actually a thing, so... Are you serious? People can't say Merry Christmas anymore. If I say Merry Christmas to my neighbor ten times in a row, he looks like me like I'm crazy. Do you think that this tree lighting ceremony is so much smaller this year because Fox lost so much money in the Dominion lawsuit. That's very possible, but I haven't really put a lot of thought into that. Are you at all worried that there'll be no tree lighting ceremony next year when Smart Maddox comes in and takes the rest of the cast? Not really, no. No. But how will people even

know it's Christmas? Outside of those Christmas decorations and those Christmas decorations. And those Christmas decorations. There's a Santa. Finally, we spoke to some civilians who truly have experienced the knog of war. Fox has talked a lot about how there is a war on Christmas. I think there is. If I were to say happy holidays, how would that make you feel? I might correct you. Some people talk about saying happy. Some people talk about saying happy. Merry Christmas. They say there's a war on Christmas. There is. There's a war on Christmas?

I believe it. Look around you. Look at all the businesses, look at the corporations that have, you know, not allowed you to say that. I think that people are scared to speak up about their Christianity, about their faith. Sure, there is a war on Christmas and the group facing the most vitrial for sure are Christians. I think thi th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th no th no th no th no thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi. thi. thi thi thi thi thi thi. thi. Look thi. Look thi. Look thi. Look thi. Look thi. Look thi. Look thuan thuan thuan thuan thuan thuan thuan thuan thuan thuan thi. Look thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi they're thi they're thi theeea thi thi. Look thi. Christians? Specifically? Yes. Right now? But is defending Christmas enough to put them on Santa's nice list or does state Nick reconsider when Fox News hosts say things like this? I want to say something about Arab Americans. We've had it with them. Okay so nottie or nice. Someone at Fox News said we've had it with them. Okay, so Noddy are Nice. Someone at Box News said we've had it with them, referencing Eric's in general. He's nice.

So Jesse Waters would be in the nice category. Maybe because I'm a New Yorker and I'm, you know, you know, used to stuff. You've been mugged. Yeah, and so that's like led to a rational fear that you basically project into anto an entire group of people. Yeah, so we got the five right here. Judge Janine.

Yes. Noddy are nice. Nice. He sees the world. Yes. Yes. That lady. Yes. Nice. Nice. Nice. Yes. What about when they lied to the American people about the election results?

That's naughty. That's naughty. That is naughty. We can acknowledge that's naughty. But overall Fox News? Nice. Nice. We all make mistakes. Who hasn't threatened the entire nation's trust in democracy? We all for 91? Right. We finally arrived at the moment to declare mission accomplished on the war on Christmas. Three, two, one. Hey! Happy! Happy! Merry Christmas. Until next year. Explore more shows from the Daily Show podcast universe by searching the Daily Show, wherever you get your podcast. Watch the Daily Show, week nights at 11, 10 Central, 10 Ce. One to one, one, one. One more one, two, one. One, two, two, two, three, three, three, three, three, three, three, three. Three. Three. Three. Three. Three. Three. Three. Three. Three. Three. Three. Three. Three. Three. Three. Three. Three. Three. Three. Three. Three. Three. Three. Three. Three. Three. Three. Three. Three. Three. Three. Three. Three. Three. Three. Three. Three. Three. Three. Three. Three. Three. Three. Three. Three. Three. Three. Three. Three. Three. Three. Three. Three. Three. Three. Three. Three. Three. Three. Three. Three. Three. Three. Three. Three. Three. Three. Three. Three. Three. Three. Three. Three. Three. Three. Three. Three. Three. Three. Three. Three. Three. Three. Three. two. Three. two. two. Three. two. Three. two. two. two. Three. Three. Three. two. two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two. Three. Three. Three. Three. Three. Three. Three. Three. Three. Three. Three. Three. Three. Three. the two from the Daily Show Podcast Universe by searching the Daily Show, wherever you get your podcasts. Watch the Daily Show weeknights at 11, 10 Central on Comedy Central and stream full episodes anytime on Fairmount Plus.

This has been a Comedy Central podcast. Hey everybody, John Stewart here. I am here to tell you about my new podcast, The Weekly Show coming out every Thursday. We're going to be talking about the election, earnings calls. What are they talking about on these earnings calls? We're going to be talking about ingredient-to-bread ratio on sandwiches. I know you have a lot of options as far as podcasts go, but how many of them come out on Thursday? Listen to the weekly show with John Stewart, wherever you get your podcast.