The Daily Show: Ears Edition - French Fries vs. Onion Rings - Hold Up with Dulcé Sloan & Josh Johnson

Episode Date: January 13, 2023

“There's way more work that goes into the onion ring, but anything that's classy and of value is going to require more work.” - Dulcé Sloan “You're telling me that you would rather, in your life, hot battered grease over onions than a delicious, freshly cut crinkled or curly potato. Because you're giving up all types of fries.” - Josh Johnson Hold Up is a podcast from The Daily Show. Check out more episodes wherever you get your podcasts or YouTube.com/TheDailyShowSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

You're listening to Comedy Central. Hello, friends, it's Dol Say Sloan. Up next is an episode of the Daily Show podcast. Hold up! Hosted by me and my friend and Daily Show writer Josh Johnson. This podcast is where we take our everyday arguments and bring them straight to your ears. Take Waffles versus Pancakes, movies versus TVs, Grills versus Chains.

Here's one of our latest episodes. Enjoy. Movies versus TV shows, Grills versus Chaves. Here's one of our latest episodes. Enjoy! Hey, everyone. It's Josh Johnson. And we want to know, what do you want to hear us argue about next on the show? Okay? It's very easy to let us know you can drop a comment on any of the daily shows clips of holdup, whether it's Instagram, Facebook, Tick Tock, YouTube or Twitter. You can also hit us up with the hashtag Hold-Up.

And honestly, if we have an opinion about it, we'll do an episode about it. We both love to talk. We love to argue, and we love you. So without anything else, let's get into the show. Hey everybody, welcome to Hold Up. It's the show that's a lot about nothing, it's a big arguments about small things. I am one of your co-host.

My name is Josh Johnson. I'm a writer for the Daily Show and I am joined by... Dosses slong! Brah, brah, bra, brah, eh. You could also make a noise when you say her name. No, no, it's fine. It's fine. I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I th. It's fine. It's fine. It's fine. I th. I th. I's fine. it's fine. It's fine. I didn't even, I wasn't even, I didn't say the word. I just don't understand why you can't be like, it's Josh Johnson,

bap, bada, bap, like you could do. Mm-hmm. No, no, I'm with you. But instead you want to hate on my, I was looking down. I felt it through the computador, okay? I mean, if you say so, all right, but I really wasn't even thinking about this time. I'm, I want to tell the people. Today's topic is something that I even know would be contentious, you know. We talk about small things. This is so small that I, I, I didn't, I never even thought I would come up on the show.

One of our listeners, shout out to Miss Dee. On the YouTube's brought it to us and we just didn't, you don't know until you know, until you feel it coming on. It's one of those things you're like, oh, you know what? I do have a preference on this and that should be discussed. Today's topic is French fries versus onion rings. Well, what I think we should do. Okay. Is give the people one, a moment to decide where they stand on this.

And two, a moment to decide where they stand on this, and two, a moment to decide where they think we are going to stand. Play the music! And we're back, okay? Yes, yes, yes. What did I decide? Where did you land on this, Joshua? I am French fries. I'm onion rings. I'm onion rings. I, uh... Wrong again. Wrong, wrong and wrong again. You said it because I didn't say it about you because usually I'm the one telling you. Mm-hmm. Hey, but. Hey but look I can admit sometimes I'm not right yeah but I can

easily admit when you're wrong that comes to me quickly. Any old person okay anyone that walks in nature doesn't anyone who takes breath can cut up a potato any put it in hot grease to the treats to the the toy? the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the to the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the, doesn't anyone who takes breath can cut up a potato, put it in hot grease. The onion ring, you have to remember onion rings aren't offered everywhere. Okay. Onion rings, there's different levels right to the onion ring. Some of them are freshly made, some of them pre-packaged. And also I'm just going to throw in, there's something that's onion ring adjacent that I think I can throw in here and I think people are really going to get on board with and that is the blooming onion awesome blossom you can throw that in there if tomato soup can be fucking ketchup wow if tomato soup can be ketchup, then I.

So onion rings were truly a red herring. No, no, no. Unrings were out here just standing in the way before you could be like blow, blooming onion. No, onion rings were not a red herring. There were a blue marlin. So you're telling me that you would rather in your life. Yes. thatt th th th th that th th th th th th th th th th th th th can th can that th can that th can th can th can that th can in your life hot battered grease over onions than a

delicious freshly cut, crinkled, or curly potato. Because you're also giving up curly cues, all right, giving up, giving up all types of fries because when we say french fries I'm not talking about just one type of bagged, type of frozen type of fry. All right? You're giving up the home fry style. I hate home fries. Okay. They're either hashed on their mashed potatoes, make a decision. You're giving up the waffle fry. Fine. Just keep saying wild things.

Listen, this is what you don't know about me. I'm not really fan of the potato to start with. There's sometimes where you say things where I'm like, I can't help you then. You know? It's really interesting, like I love rice. In regardless of my Irish last name because you know Slavery I'm not a huge potato fan I don't know when is the I could tell you

It's probably been more than a decade since I've eaten the mashed potato Mm-hmm. I don't cook them at my house. I don't buy them. I don't buy I'm really eat them so the only time I have a potato really is if I'm eating like a potato chip Or a french fry and I don't really and so the only one of the french fries I really like are the crinkle cut fries With Lowry seasoning salt okay with hot wings, so unless that's happening like the shoestring potato or like the really sent one my my my Nemesis they're awful and I'm in an assault to adulthood. but like curly fries are like????????????? that. that. that. that. that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like a that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that that that that that that th, like a th, like a th, like a th, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the thi-like, like, happening, like the shoestring potato or like the release one, my nemesis, they're awful and an insult to adulthood. But like curly fries are good because they're always seasoned. But I always wonder whenever I see a curly fry and I'm like, okay, but like where's the

rest of? Because they can't all be, like, curly fries are interesting, I just don't understand how they make them. I do understand people like, people love potatoes, people love bread. I don't love those things. You need, you need. Listen, I'm always surprised about how I'm the size when I don't eat the very starchy things, but there's other things that'll make you fat. Like, genetics, like I I just this is genetics in your life the love of a french fry bro okay I would rather eat a tortilla sliced tortilla deep fried cutters look tay not even bad I'm not even saying

that that's that's a crazy thing I'm just saying a French fry what you're missing out on in life because here's thing if I gave up onion rings to rings today I'd I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I'd I'd I'd I'd I'd I'd I'd I'd I'd th th th th th th th th th. I'd th. I'd the the the. I'd th. I'd th. I'd th. I'd th. I'd th. I'd th. I'd th. I'd th. I'd th. I'd th. I'd th. I'd th. I'd th. I'd the the the th. I'd th. I'd the the th. I'd th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I'd the the the the the the the the the the the theeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee. the. I'd the. I'd the. I'd th. I'm just saying a French froat, what you're missing out on in life, because here's thing, if I gave up onion rings today, I'd be giving up something that I ate once, maybe a year. By accident, because it's just what was at the table, everyone decided to split everything, and it's what somebody ordered, you know? Onion rings can be done badly. Yeah, they can be done. I mean, it also depends on you got to get to get the right to get the right to get to get the right, to get the right, to get the right, to get to get the right, to get the right, to get the right, to get the right, the right, to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get the right, the right, to the right, the right, the the their their their their their their their their theirthe the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the to to to the the the the to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to the to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the to the th. the actual onion, because if I bite in and there is a shoestring of onion for this big old onion ring, and I've got nothing but a mouthful of corn meal, hey, we're not friends anymore, you know? I hear you. I've also had french fries that were overdone, that were underdone, that were cold, that were, you know, there's the steak fry. You don't like a steak fry? It's just, it's just, it's th, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's just, it's just, it's just, it's just, it's just, it's just, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's th, it's th, it's th, it's th, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it's th, it's th, it's th, it's just, it's just, it's just, it's just, it's just, it's just, it's just, it's just, it's just, it's just, it's just, it's just, it's just, it's just, it's just, it's just, it's th. It's there's the steak fry there's the you don't

like a steak fry it's just it's just too much potato sometimes you say it like you said it like you try to give him a chance and then I really did but my mom got in this KFC phase and my brother one of my brother's home boys used to work at kfc so we would get hooked up all the time and eventually I was just like I can't eat a quarter of a potato per I mean so you give me the fries so it's like yeah first of all they only gave like five fries but once you ate all of them you ate an entire potato you could put them you ate an entire potato. You could put them together and they would make one whole potato.

And then sometimes you know when you're chewing our friends right, like sometimes it'll just get stuck in your chest like you ever had that. That has happened and that is terrifying. Right, you're just like, that's what I'm like, I shouldn't be eating any of this stuff clearly because I've never had a carrot get stuck. Mm-mm. A carrot won't do you like that. Carrick's going to slide, slide, slip and slide. These potatoes on the other hand are just holding on all the way down.

Yeah, yeah. I'm with you. I'm not saying either one of these are healthy. No. Also, sidebar, are you in a short sleeve shirt? What? Are you wearing a short sleeve shirt? Maybe. Let me see. No. Come on. Never. What's it?

How dare? My modesty. But you may? Ha ha ha? For those of you that don't know I have never seen Josh Johnson's elbows so he Mm-hmm Very few have Josh is a good Christian woman you'll never see his ankles or his wrists You'll never see Josh Johnson's elbows or his wrists

You'll never see Josh Johnson's elbows or knees, friend. Not today, not ever. This ain't got pants on at the beach. Yep, yep. Even when we all, when Daly Show went to Miami, I walked on the beach, his sneakers and long pants. I'm so glad I didn't see you. I would have pushed you in the ocean. Not even high waters like straight up ready to go. I would have I would hit you with a clump of wet sand like it was a fucking snowball. And I would have gone back to my room I would have put on some different jeans. Oh man the whole time we were in Miami I didn't have a whole anything. I had a dress there was a whole back was out. Fucking posing for pictures of Trevor. My toes were never covered the entire time I was in ever. Yeah. Yeah. See, oof. That's like, I mean that's a different discussion for a different day but like. the fact that people are in, ever. Yeah, yeah. See, oof, that's like, I mean, that's a different discussion for a different day,

but like, the fact that people are out here thinking that sandals or shoes, bro. I cannot abide it. You know, I was born in Miami and we lived there, like I was born to raise, I was born in Miami, I was the whole, like, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, that, that, the the that, that, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, the the that, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, th, th, th, th, th, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the fact, the the fact, the fact, the fact, the fact, the fact, the fact, the fact, the fact, that, that, that, that, that, I'm home, bro, toes was out, titties was out, knees was out, the whole, like, come on, dog. And I'm not even saying I don't like sandals. I'm just saying sometimes, especially this is a New York thing, right? Because New York is nasty. So sometimes something nasty will happen to somebody's foot in New York and they'll act like they had a shoe on. the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, their, their, their, their, their, th, their, th, th. th. the, the, the, their, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, to somebody's foot in New York and

They'll act like they had a shoe on But I'll be like no, you were in sandals So when the rat ran over your foot of course it tous because you're not wearing shoes Right, that's just set yourself up for success is all I'm saying They also you have to pay more attention. I do see people walking through New York who aren't paying attention. Yeah, yeah, I mean if you are walking in New York in sandals and the bottom of your foot where you get done with your day is black. You are not wearing a shoe. Listen, you are out with the elements. I understand Walmart feet is an issue, okay? Because that's what my country-ass friend told me that when you're examining the bottom of your feet are black, she calls it Walmart feet.

And the first time she said, I was like, what? And she said, when you bottom your feet look like you would walk through a Walmart barefoot. And I was like, this is, this is, thank you La Grange, Georgia's, and she, and she, this is, this is, this is, this is, this is this is this is this is this is this is this is this is this is this is this is this is thia? And thi? And thi? thi. thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, th. th. that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, they. they. they. they? they? they? they? they? they? they? they. thi, thi, thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's th is, thank you, LaGrange, Georgia, because this is, this is accurate. I love a sandal, I hate wearing clothes. I mean, you already know, the listeners know this. I hate all of the accoutrement that comes with fucking non-warm weather. I have very pretty feet. I have, I only got pedicures with my mom and then we would go see her home girl so she could pick up her wigs and we got pedicures and my mom we were showing our pedicures off and my mother was like look at her baby toe you never seen that full of a nail on a baby toe before and her own girl was in there going no why everyone at the salon was amazed by the full whole nail on this baby too and they were and I I I I I I I I I I I I I was and I was and I was like the the the the they was like the they were and I was like their their their they were their their their their they were their their their their they were like their th. they were like their their their th. th. they th. they were they were their th. their their their. their their. their. their. they were. their their. they were. they were. they were. they were they were they were they were they were they were they were they were they were they were they were they were they were they were they were they were they were they were they were they were they were liked. they were liked. they were liked. they were liked. My their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their this baby toe and they were and I was like my secret

I never were pinching shoes because my mother you know she's like if a shoe was cute she's it fuck that okay yeah and as soon as it gets warm told her out toes are out because the other thing that ends up happening with people because I'm not even like a foot person or anything you know me I'm not I'm not grossed out by feet but I just don't th the the secret th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th the secret th th th th th th the the secret th the the the the the secret I'm the the secret the secret the secret the secret the secret the secret the secret my the the secret my the secret my the secret my the secret my the secret my the secret my the secret my the secret my the secret my the secret my the secret my the secret the secret the secret their to the secret to to th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th. the the the the the the the the the tho's toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe toe the the the th Because the other thing that ends up happening with people, because I'm not even like a foot person or anything. You know what I mean? I'm not grossed out by feet, but I just don't think about feet, you know? But I will say, whoops, I will say for most people, you know, if you don't react, it didn't happen. I know, but I'm gonna react. Because the way you said whoops.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. have to have, there's a time thing. Yeah, you don't get them right at the right time, it's, they're going to be soft, they're going to be cold, but also like a cold french fry? Oh. And what we're all- Yeah, a cold fridge fry is a punch in the tongue. Is a punch in the tongue in the, in your back? Like I don't want feed I don't want to eat anything that makes my back tight like a call you're like I got a I gotta finish these but now my fucking back is tight because I ate these cold ass french fries and I ate too many of them because what also we have to remember is like

I don't know what happened a couple years ago but like or tater tots started hitting restaurants and I was like the fuck was this mm-hmm where are we I got they got tired to sell in the elementary schools and somebody was in a meeting like yeah I'm telling you we send this to one fucking funky restaurant you know some cool ass restaurant and these shit's will blow up and now all over the south you get tacos and fucking poutine tater tots and all kinds of shit and tater tots you know what tater tots are they're the hot dogs of potatoes first of all their to'c' their tau first of all how dare you okay no no no that show how it's made

you ever seen that show How It Was Made? No, I maybe I have. I don't think so. On that Show How It Was Made, Josh's Elbows! On that show how it's made, they were saying that Tater Tots came about because when they would make french fries, there would be these off-cuts and they were like throwing away all of this like off-cut and they were like, wait a minute, how do we utilize these? Because the pieces would be so small you couldn't turn them in anything else and somebody was and some dude was like, hey I thought I would think about this. And that's how tater totots have got invented because they were all the fucking off-cuts of french fries.

Would you consider the tater-tot of french fry? Do you really believe that? Because I understand the end pieces, I understand the origin, but now when people are specifically making tear tots under think so because I feel like they fall in camp. They fall in camp. They fall in camp. Because also like you know there's two different types of hash browns. There's the hash browns that are like the ones from Awful House and then there's the hash browns are the ones from McDonald's. Yeah. You know it's a McDonald's are just flat just grown up tater tots basically. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, I I I I I the. Yeah, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. There's th. th. There's th. There's th. There's th. There's th. There's th. There's th. There's there's there's there's there's there's there's there's there's there's there's there's there's there's there's there's there's there's there's there's there's there's there's there's there's there's there's there's there's there's there's there's there's there's there's there's there's there's there's the there's their their their that. There's that. There's that. There's that. There's the the that that that that that that. that. that that. There's that. There's the tots basically. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Exactly. I do love, love a McDonald's hash brown. When I was little, a McDonald's hash brown and McDonald's fries were the only reasons that I like even looked at a McDonald's. I like the toy sometimes, but I wasn't a burger kid. Like I grew to like hamburgers, but when I was a little kid, the hash browns

and the french fries were all I needed. You didn't like burgers as a kid? I thought they were fine, but I wasn't like excited to have a burger. I think we've all given the burger entirely too much credit. Because we act like that this is like this magnet. Let's American Fair Food is also the saddest. Like we go to an American Fair restaurant you're just like, okay a burger and then what? Like tell me. Because like because America is just a slapdash fucking place, because America is a business and not a country, truly. We talk about fucking freedom,

but it's a fucking business, more than anything. So remember as a kid getting like one of those kids across the world books and they would have kids in their traditional clothing of their country. And then it got to the United States and it was a kid, because I was a boy and a girl, right? So I'm looking at the traditional clothing of Poland, fucking China, Japan, Mexico, Argentina, right? Showing you the traditional clothing of these countries in a little paint with water book. It gets to America, fucking t-shirt and jeans. And I was like, we have nothing. We have nothing. So it's like, that's what I think like America. It's just like because we're a fucking

We invented the jeans, right? We invented denim, right? Mm-hmm. Just so it's like, okay, I get it. I don't know. I'm sure we invented it, but it's also we invented. We invented denim to protect people from machinery. And now people are like, I love wearing jeans and I'm like, bitch you're in a protective gear like it's like it's like, and it. It. It's like, and it. It's like, and it. It's like, the like, the, and, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, we, we, we're like, we're like, we're like, we're like, we're like, we're like, we're like, we're like, we're like, we're like, we're like, we're like, we're like, we're like, we invented, we invented, we invented, we invented, we invented, we invented, we invented, we invented, we invented, we invented, we invented, we invented, we're, we're, we're the, we're the, we're the, we're like, we the, we the, we the, we the jeans, we the, we the jeans, we the jeans, we the jeans, we're're in a stick, you're in a, you're in protective gear. Like, it's like, and plus jeans have never been comfortable. We can all calm down, right? So it's like, it's like, America's a fucking business. It's like, of course, it's like, we have a few things, let's get them right. French fries, you know, onion rings, the the f out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out, the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the, the, the, the the the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the that, that, that, the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th, the the th. th. the, things, things, things, things, theat, theat, the. the. the. the. the. the. th. th. the. the onion ring it's like it's a delicate balance I'll give it to you it's a delicate balance you know onion rings are like when you get a good onion ring with a little bit of give so crispy but a little bit of give yes wow also there's like a good solid onion in there yeah yeah something with a bit of crunch

right because you've had onion rings where it's just like, oh these just been sitting in the window, where the fuck was the server, right? I'll tell you right now too. Sometimes you bite in and you get like, and this is maybe, this is maybe too specific of an experience, but I feel like this must happen other people. You bite into the onion ring, right? You get, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you get, you get, you get, you get, you get, you get, you get, you get, you get, you get, you get, you get, you get, you get, you get, you get, you get, you get, you get, you get, you get, you get, you th, th, th, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, You bite into the onion ring, right? You get you get halfway through, and that's when you realize that like the rest of the onion ring itself, the actual onion is like, nah, we go together. You're not biting through anything. And so now you've bitten through the

crust of the onion ring, but the actual onion is tough. It's like a little slimy and it's like it's not going to break for you. And. And. And that. And that. And that. And that. And that. And that. And that. And that. And that. And that's that's that's that's th, that's th, that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's when that's that's that's when that's when th, th. th. th. th. th. the th. th. th. the th. the thi the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the. that's when that's when that's when that's when you's when the. that's onion is tough. It's like a little slimy and it's like it's not going to break for you. What I don't like is when people don't peel enough of the onion. So you've got the flesh of an onion and then you get that papery part because it's all in the same. Yep, yep. Yeah. And I, just the anger I had one day. These were good onion rings and this was the last one. And I was like, you, mother fuckers. Wow, but it's like also, but then there's like, the Burger King onion ring. And just sometimes getting your fries, you're just like, because one of my friends, she was like, she only likes the burger king onion ring. And I was like, but it's not even like, but, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, th, th, th, th, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, th, th, th. th. the, the, the, the, the, the, these the, the, these the, these the, th. These th, your fries, you're just like, because one of my friends, she was like, she only likes the Burger King onion ring.

And I was like, but it's not even like a real, it's like an onion kind of, it's almost like onion paste in there. It's not like a real, it's not like a real, because you've gotten an onion in there there. Yeah, that's why I like the the the the the the the the the th like, th like, th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, the the the the the the the the the the the the the the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the think it's like a real onion onion in there. And she was like, yeah, that's why I like it because it's not a real onion, but it's like I, because anytime I see onion rings on a menu, I get excited. Mm-hmm. Every time. I don't always order them because I'm just like, you know what, you need to calm down. You need to calm down mm-hmm you need to calm down I've been looking at the thing I thought thing on tick talk it's like hey relax you got

too much dip on your chip you need to relax you need to relax and that's I'm trying to do it I'm not make sure I might not out here with too much dip on my chip okay speaking of dip the french fry the the throng the the the the the the the french fr fr fr fr fr fr fr fr fr fr fr fr fr the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the perfect dipping utensil. But that means that your focus is the dip and not the fry. No, no, it's both. It's both. I love, I love water burger. Waterburger, people do not, honestly, when are they going to fucking franchise? And when are they going to be? Bro. Waterburgerburger I remember I went to Texas one to I was like when I first started going on the road doing colleges and I was starving I flew in late the night before because you always had a flying that fucking night before and I had no mode of transportation

and this was when an Uber wasn't popping like it's popping now Uber eats wasn't even a thing. So I paid the dude in cash to take me through the drive-through at Waterburger. And the number of times I remember leaving a Texas airport and I was like, it was like the Dallas airport because I don't think it's in the Austin airport. It's not an Austin airport. There's a water burger in the Dallas airport at the time. I had to go to a different terminal. Mm-hmm. And I was like I actually got to the airport on time. I'm going to walk the 20 fucking

minutes to this other terminal to get this water burger and I'm going to eat it on the fucking plate. Because when I tell you that the right sauce the right right right right right right right right right the right the right the right the right the right to be the right the right to be to be the right to be to the to be the the the to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to to to to to to to the the to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to eat. to to to eat it's to the the the the the the the the the the the the the their. their. the their. the their their their their their their their their their their their their their their. their their the the the the the the the the the the the the their their their their their their their their their their their their their the right sauce with the right french fry cannot be matched, like you already you've already told me that a lot of places don't have the onion rings right so it's not even an option at some places. Yes but everywhere has french fries and once again you were talking about it when something is available everywhere does that make make them a loose woman? Who knows? Does it make the potato a flusy? Or is it adaptable industrial and cheap to produce? It is. But what I will say is... I have no problem with the potato being an ethical slut. All right, I'll tell you right now. I hear you. I hear you, but I think that it's not something, a lot of places don't offer onion rings

because they're work, right? Mm-hmm. Everywhere offers potato french fries because you just buy them frozen. But I think we could do better for ourselves when it comes to the French fried potato. Also we cannot talk about French fries, I'll talk about the fact that we started calling them Freedom Fries. I was like, you white people don't have enough problems. And no one got on board.

Freedom fries is, uh, is great. You remember this nonsense? Yeah. Yeah. I guess the French wren't to their with us or some shit, so we stopped like, they're like, I'm like, oh, I'm calling for him, it doesn't. They don't even call them french fries. We do. They call them, the fr fr fr fr fr fr fr fr fr fr fr fr fr fr fr fr fr fr fr fr fr fr fr fr fr fr fr fr fr fr fr fr fr fr fr fr fr fr fr fr fr fr fr fr fr fr fr. they's is just, it, it, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, th, th, th, th, th, th, thrize, it's, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, th, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is is, is, is, is is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, it is, it is, it is, it is, it is th. Freedom, it is th. Freedom, it's th. Freedom, it's th. Freedom, it's th. Freedom, it's th. Freedom, it's th. Freedom, it's th. Freedom, it's th. Freedom, th. Freedom, they's they's they's. They don't call them French fries, we do.

They call them Palm Friets, which is it's just fried fucking potato. Now, does every type of country do a french fry? I don't know. Because I feel like an onion ring is very American specific. Yes, it's one of those things where it's like, this is just us. We're the only ones doing this. Because honestly, I've been to Australia, I ain't seen now blooming onion,

the whole fucking time I was there. Yeah. But they do have onions. Everywhere has onions. So that's why I'm always taking a back why, because the blooming onion, because the, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I the, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I the, I the, I the, I the, I the the the the thin, I thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, I ain't the the the the the the the the the blooming onion, because this is a thing, this is also why a part of me took issue with you wrapping the blooming onion into the onion rig because they're not two different things. They're almost like tater tots and french frods. But the blooming onion, the power of a blooming, hey, when you, I remember my first blooming onion. Oh, yeah, it's amazing. Oh, I think this is all I eat now, right? Yes. Which is you would die. Don't do that. But truly die. But the blooming onion, I'm blown away that more countries aren't doing that. I remember I worked at this place called Old

Tom Potter and I was in high school. And I bought, you know, you actually have to like, the cuts for that thing are actually really hard to do. It's just a regular because it's so many because it's like you have to cut it so much but you can't cut through the base of it or otherwise it'll fall apart. And I remember buying the little, it's almost like a, guess what the rest thing to call it is a jig where it's got the, it's slots, it's a tube, but the tube, theyot's of an onion, you put this down in it, and then you do, you go around with the knife and just do all of these cuts, and then we made the tempora batter and fried it. And I was like, we, we, we're gonna do this all the time. But the first time you have a balloon, you cut it in a little sauce. Now the other thing is the range that the French fries are coming with because like I said before you

got the waffle fry you've got the thick cut fries you've got the skinny itty bity fries you've got the curly fries you got the sweet potato fries now that's a whole different creature sweet potato they are out here doing the regular french fries doing in the same shapes and the same sizes. Mmm, but this is the thing with the sweet potato fry. If you don't know how to fry that bitch right, you just have a mushy orange french fry. No, that's true. That's true. The number of times I've just had just the mushy, foldable, limp, flaccid, sweet potato fry. Yeah.

And you want sweet potato fries to be good. You want them to succeed. Yeah. You want them to succeed. You know, it's nice to see some diversity in the fry industry, right? A potato of color just coming in yeah yeah sure you know what I The title of color. Ah ha ha ha ha ha. I'm with you though.

It's time we end the segregation at the plate. Yeah, you know, people already don't want their food to touch. So, I think it's like the onion ring. It's like when I see them, I get them and there's, I can say them, for as much as I really love them, I've been disappointed so many times. Mm. But I keep trying, it's like. You're a believer.

I'm a believer. It's like, you know what? I went back to the same man multiple times in eight years. And it was never good. making bad decisions. Why not just keep trying these fucking onion rings? But when you get an onion ring that's good, you're like, ooh, because like my mom made onion rings one day? Mm-hmm. Man, my mom be cooking, brother. I saw her one day tempera fry a pound of broccoli

and two pounds of green beans. Mm-hmm. And it sounds like a lot. But it's th You think a pound is bigger than what it is. And she's doing it, and my brother was like, why are you frown all these vegetables? This isn't even healthy. And my mother was like, honestly, she's sitting there eating a fried green meat.

She's like, honestly, I never even like vegetables. I just ate them for y'all. Let me throw this out there though. Let me throw this out there. I think one of the only reasons that we fry green beans is because we have potatoes and we have french fries. And somebody looked at a green bean one day and they were like, what if this was a french fry too? Hmm.

I think that that's what happened. I have no proof, there is no evidence behind what I'm saying.. I, but, but I th, but I th, but I th, but I th, but I th, I th, I th, I th, I th, I the, I the, I the, I the, I the, I the, I think, I think, I think, I think, I think, I thi, I think, I the, I the, I the, I the, I the, I the, I the, I the, I the, I thi, I thi, I thi, I thi, I thi, I the, I the, I the, I the, I the, I the, I the, I the, I the, I the, I the, I the, I the, I think, think, I think, think, think, think, think, think, thean, thean, thean, thean, thean, thean, thean, thean, thean, think that that's what happened. I have no proof. There is no evidence behind what I'm saying. But I believe it wholeheartedly. Oh, it's like I believe that like after thinking about it, I think magnetic lashes are going to make women cross out. Well, not women. Whoever wears magnetic lashes, I think it's going to my mom, I was like, oh, you should try these magnetic glass because she wears lashes all the time. And then I was like, I think the main people cross, I said, why haven't tried me to try

it? I was like, no, I changed my mind about it. Don't try it. Don't do it, don't do it. I have absolutely no evidence that a magnetized. metal shavings because magnets need metal. Yeah, yeah. So there is metal shavings in an eyeliner. And you put the lighter on your eyes,

and then you put it on the lash, and then because of magnetism, it stipped to your fucking eyes. This seems like a bad idea. Thank you! Because once I figured out the science behind it, to your fucking eyes. This seems like a bad idea. Thank you! Because once I figure out the science behind it- The amount of metal. That's like if they were like,

there's some metal shavings in the water, it's like, all right, well, my inside's getting cut up. Or I need just a strong bread filter. I'll go as far to say this. I think that we get the shards that we do now of carrot, of squash. You know those very thin, almost circle shards that people cut things into and they either fry them up or they serve them as a garnish. I think that that comes from curly culi. I think that comes from the shoestring fry. Okay. I you know when you see like the spiral cut vegetables or like the zucchini noodle

which I tried the zucchini noodle and it really broke my fucking heart. Yeah, no, I fought for it for a long time. There was a place that did zucchini noodles in patai and I wanted to love it so badly. Every time I bit down I was like, this is too much of a battle. If it's on my plate, it should be, it should be dead. Especially a vegetable fighting back while I tried to eat. It felt very much alive. Yeah, the crunch was not welcome. No, because it wasn't it was a soft crunch

It was the texture was this vegetable was not supposed to be in a sauce like this It's like it was coming from a place that should have been cooked down Yes, it would be like if you were eating your kFC and in the middle of the meal the chicken woke up the chicken woke up and was like hey, hey, why are you eating me like Like, yo, I don't need this cartoon shit. Or just start to scrape it. Or just like, oh my leg! Oh my god, could you imagine? I'll say this. Because you know, we've all, we both in the restaurants.

The french fries, they do their own french fries. It's a box basically of blades. You put the potato, you pull down, you put the potato, you pull down, you put the potato, you pulled out. With the onion ring, you gotta slice it up, then you gotta separate it, then you gotta toss it in batter, then you gotta deep fry. So there's way more work that goes into the onion ring, but anything that's classy and a value is gonna require more work. The potato is a simple guy, you know. He's a simple guy. He probably enjoys steak Haitians. You know.

Wow. Probably enjoys winter time. Wow. How absolutely dare. What? What you mean? I mean the fact that, the fact that you tried to bring it all the way back around. I'm just saying I understand. No I get it I get understand. Listen I understand you're hating. Hating that onion rings will never reach the pinnacle the level the echelon of a French fry. No no no no no no no no no no. No no no no. No no no. No the the the the fact. the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the fact. You the fact. You the fact you you. You the the the the the the the the the the the the the the fact. You. You. I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the pinnacle, the level, the echelon. Oh no no no no no no of a French fry. No no no no no no there is no echelon to be met when you are pedestrian. Okay. There is no there is no echelon. To call a perfectly fried waffle fry pedestrian just lets me know how out of touch you really are.

A waffle fry is just a french fry. With complexity. They just had a cut, somebody with some time. That's all. That's all, because you know what, waffle fries, people are not, no one's cutting, people will cut french fries at a restaurant. They are not taking time in a busy restaurant to make their own waffle fry.

That is a factory. No one's making their own curly fries, that is a factory, you understand? This is factory work, this is factory food, okay? I'm not saying there's a factory food. I factory food. It's factory food. I just I hate it for you Do you want people in your kitchen? I'm not saying I don't have the joy in your life? What I'm saying is that I want to expand my experience. Okay? I want to do new things with my palette. Everybody sells french fries if you got hot grease you can sell a fucking french fry? Not? Not? everybody's you try. you. I you. Do you you you you you you you you you want you want you want you want you want you want you want you want you want you want you want you want you want you want you want you want you want you want you want you want you want you want you want you want you want you want you want you want you you you you you want you want you want you want you want you want you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you want you want you want you want to to to to to to to to to to want to want to want to want people want people want people want people want people want people want to want people want to want to want people want to want people want people want people want to want people want people to to to to to to to to to you you you want you want you want you want to do new things with my palate. Everybody sells french fries. If you got hot grease, you can sell a fucking french fry.

Not everybody's taking the time needed to make a waffle fry because it's not for everybody. Okay? That's not work that everyone can do. You have to know what your skill level is. Your level of determination, okay? Your ability to know what your skill level is your level of determination Okay, your ability to make this batter to make sure these fries are Be making these onion rings is cut right French fries Doesn't shoot they strap it to the wall. That french fry. If you make your own fries in your own restaurant. They strap that bitch to the wall. Okay? You know thing, if you make your own fries and your own restaurant, they strap that bitch to the wall, okay?

You know what we're gonna do? We're gonna kick it over to a listener. Let's see it over to him. What the people have to say? Ask the people, because listen, this is gonna be another staychuh. And apparently I'm coming pedestrian. You out here would choose on the boots on the ground, friend. Oh, boots on the ground.

You let us know what you feel. Are you an onion ring fan or you're a French fry lover? Okay. I know more people are going to say French fry and I'm fine with that because if I got on this podcast try to impress people I would be wrong. I'm just here. It's not about me changing hearts and minds. It's about letting people know that you don't know what to do with your mouth.

Okay. Yeah. We want to hear from all of you. You know what do you love? What what can you maybe not stand? Okay? Do you sie with do you think that onion rings are better or do you side with me and think that french fries are a delight? Okay? Let us know if you are looking to catch up with us on the social you can find me at Josh Hansen comedy? the thanks? thank? the thank? th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, we tho, we th. We that, we that, we to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to th. We th. We th. We th. We th. We th. We th. We th. We th. We th. We th. We th. We that, we that, we that, we that, we that, we that, we that, we that that that that that that that that that that that that that that to to to to to to to to that to the social, you can find me at Josh Johnson Comedy on Tick-Tock, Instagram, and YouTube. I also have another podcast called the Josh Johnson Show, and if you are looking for Dulce. You can find me on a lot of the socials, except Tumblr. I don't know if that page still works and there's anybody on my space, but you can find me on the socials except Tumblr. I don't know if that page still works and there's anybody on MySpace, but you can find me on the stuff we fuck with at Dulce Slone and it's D-U-L-C-E S-L-O-N.

And we're gonna spell across the bottom screen. She, you gotta. And we appreciate you listening. We appreciate you tin in every week. We hope you have a great rest of the day. And a wonderful weekend. Wop! Bamboo! This has been hold up. We've covered conscious rap versus clubbangers, bar soap versus body wash, diners versus waffle houses, all sorts of things. What else should we be talking about? We want to know from you. Let us know, drop us a comment, or hit Hold Up on Social at the Daily Show. Watch the Daily Show, weeknights at 11, 10 Central on Comedy Central, and stream full episodes anytime on Paramount Plus.