The Daily Show: Ears Edition - From the Archives: Tiffany Haddish - December 7, 2017

Episode Date: April 5, 2018

Tiffany Haddish discusses her memoir, "The Last Black Unicorn," which looks back on Richard Pryor's comedy advice, her time in Scientology and her storied dating life. Learn more about your ad-choices at https://www.iheartpodcastnetwork.comSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

You're listening to Comedy Central. John Stewart here. Unbelievably exciting news. My new podcast, The Weekly Show. We're going to be talking about the election, economics, ingredient to bread ratio on sandwiches. Listen to the weekly show with John Stewart, wherever you get your podcast. Today's theirs edition episode features an extended interview with Tiffany Hattish from December 7th, 2017. Please welcome Tiffany Hattish!

I always like to enter with a dance move. I like that. You know what I like about you. I've always liked to enter with a dance move. I like that. You know what I like about you. I've always wondered what the sun would be like the sun would be enter with a dance move. I like that. You know what I like about you? I've always wondered what the sun would be like as a human being and I think I've finally

met that answer. You are... Boy, you better stop. I'm ovulating. You walk into a room and you just like, I don't even think you people understand how amazing like this. You are one of the most amazing human beings and then I read the book and I am in love with you Tiffany Hadish like your stories are amazing you're funny you're poignant and it's sad at the same time like the start of the beginning you

grew up as a foster kid yeah you live this really tough life and you constantly through out it all use comedy as your tool. How important is comedy in your life? Comedy is the instrument and the key to keep me being positive and alive. Like I don't know about you guys but it feels so good to me to laugh and it feels even better to see other people laugh. Like my favorite thing in the world is to see people teeth. Like I don't know what, look at look. Like I don't know what you look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the to keep, and to keep, and the the to, and the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the to, to, the to, the to, to keep, to keep, to keep, to keep, the to keep, to keep, the to keep, to keep, the to keep, to keep, to keep, to keep, to keep, to keep. And I love, I love to hear, ha ha, like that's my favorite sound. And I know that when you laugh, it's like massaging all your organs and it's just like lighting you up and I think it's so dope. And even if people laughing at me because I don't, even if I don't want you to laugh

and you're like, well at least they're laughing. I'm healing them. You also have an amazing experience in comedy. I mean, you're in foster care and you have an opportunity to go to a comedy camp. Yeah. And at the comedy camp, you meet Richard Pryor. Man, I remember when I first saw him, you know, like when you're young, you have really no concept of how powerful or how great somebody really is. And like, I didn't watch all his movies or hear all his records at that point. I just knew he was a comedian and an actor. And he came in in his wheelchair. He rolled in there and I was like, I knew he was rich and I was like, oh, rich people

got wheelchairs. I need to get one of those. And now I know better, but I know better, but I'm I'm better, but still. But still, I was on stage telling jokes in front of him in the middle of me telling my jokes, he stops me. He goes, stop, what are you doing? I said, I'm telling the joke. He goes, no you're not. I said, yes I am. He goes, no you're not.

I said, well, what do you think I'm clutching my pearls like, oh my God. What do you mean? And he said, look, people don't come to comedy shows because they want to hear about your problems or politics or religion or what's going on in the water about celebrities. They come to comedy shows to have fun. So, when you're on stage, you need to be having fun. If you're having fun, they're having fun. If you're not having fun, they're looking they're looking they're looking they're looking they're looking they're looking, they're looking, they're looking, they're looking, they're looking, they're looking, their, th, th, their, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, thi, tho, thi, their, their, tho, tho, tho, their, or their, or their, or their, or their, or their, or their, or their, or their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, or their, or their, or their, or their, or their, or their, or their their their their their thi., or thrown., or thoooooooooooomoomorrow, or thooooooooomorrow, or thoooooomorrow, or thoooomorrow, or th philosophy with me and do that in everything that I do in life. Like no matter what, I try to have a good time. And it shows and everything that you do. I mean like there are stories in this book because you have had every job you have done everything.

One of my favorite stories and I hope you have an audio book of this as well, right? Because I would buy both. because you have the story where you talk about joining the church of Scientology or trying to join the Church of Scientology. I was homeless, I need a place to live. Yeah. But then you quit the Church of Scientology and they let you go. But the way you tell the story, because they don't ever let anybody go. They let you go. Woo, because see, I don't do bunk beds, you're the book, thapapapapapapapapapapap bunk, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, I'm, I. the, I. I, I. I, I, I, I, I, I. I, I, I. I, I, I. I, I. I, I. I. I. I, I. I, I, I. I. I, I. I. I, I, I. I, I. I, I, I. I, I. I, I, I. I, I, I. I, I. I, I. I, I, I, I, I. I, I. I, I'm, I'm, the, the, they. t. to. t too. too. too. too. too. too. too. to. to. the, the, I'm, I'm. I'm, I beds, y'all. So they got the bunk, because you tell the story in the book, and I won't swear a little, but they've got these bunk beds

that they wanted you to sleep. Yeah, they want you sleep in bunk beds. And I don't do bunk beds. Like I did bunk beds when I was in foster care. I'm not doingelling you. So when they told me that's where I had to sleep, I started protesting, I was going up and down the halls, yelling, I ain't sleeping in all my butt bed, like, and that was just loud and obnoxious and they was trying to get me on the meters and stuff, getting to do the meters. They was like, we need to get that negative memory away from you, why you hate the the the the the the th. I I I I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I that, I that, I that, I that, I that, I that, I'm that, I'm to that, I'm to that, I was that, I'm that, I'm th. I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I to to to to to the, I, I, I, I, I, I, I th. I, I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I was th. I was th. I was that, I was that, I was that, I was that, I was going that, I was going that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, I was that, I was that, kept saying it all like, I don't like bunk beds, I don't care. You're not gonna beat my ass and no bunk beds like something. And then they let

me go. They was like, we can't handle this. This girl is off the chart. This meter is breaking. We can't do it. You have the ability to take a situation that anybody would consider a failure and turn it into the greatest success. One of my favorite stories in the th. th. th. th. the th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. they they they they they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they'll they'll they'll they'll they'll they'll they'll they'll they'll they'll they'll they'll. they'll. they's. they'll. they's. they's. they's. they'll. they'll. they'll. they'll. they'll they'll they'll the th. I I. I. thin. I. I'll thin. I'll te. I'll te. teate. I'll te. I'll te. te. te. theate. theate. And they're they're they're they're they. One of my favorite stories in the book is you talk about a guy that you were dating and he was cheating on you and he was cheating on you with a woman named Bertha, I think a stripper named Bertha, right? Yeah. But what you did, no, no, what you did to get back at him with Bertha is one of the greatest things ever. Could you tell through a lot of dukie so I decided he need to walk in it. I would never do that now.

I would never do that now. I wouldn't do that now. I wouldn't do that to you. That's what I'm talking about. That's right, baby. I wouldn't do that to you. Also I took his bitch and I start pimping her. Basically, I had her doing she, because she was doing like little flicks or whatever, pornos or whatever, and he was taking all her money. And I was like, look, I'll hook you up and I'll just take 10%. This is like, like, some people right now do not understand the craziness of this story. I will pause, like, listen to what this person just said. Her man was cheating, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, and, th, and, th, and, and, thi, thi, and, thi, thi, ta, ta, ta.a.a.a.a. ta. ta. ta. ta. th. thi. thi. thi, thi. Her man was cheating with a woman named Bertha who's a stripper.

Bertha on the side was making porn films and wasn't getting paid for them. And so Tiffany steps and goes, Bertha, you're cheating with my man, but I realize that you are being exploited. So I will step in and I will be your agent. And I will pimp you out so that you get your money. And now you are pimping the woman who was cheating with your man. Like how do you think of this as an idea and how do, and Bertha goes and she rolls with you and you made Bertha money.

So much money that her friends joined in as well. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Like I just feel like there were human beings who have like cracked the code of life. You're like in you're the real neo from the matrix That's who you are. I'm the last black unicorn my friend That's that's even though I'm a magical creature You are you are in every single way when like when we're reading this book. There's so many stories that you take us through you

You know go through your childhood you go through you, you know, you you you, you know, one of my favorite stories of you working at the airport. Yeah. Did you work as a baggage handler? I was a customer service agent. I worked at the ticket counter. I also worked in the baggage department and at the gates. Honey, I was multi-talented. Excellent with customer.

Please, please tell me so you're talking about Roscoe. Okay, Roscoe, if you out there, I miss you and I love, you come back to me. Okay, so Roscoe, Rosco had one regular strong arm and he had like one of them little baby hands. Right. And he was strong in his arm and he was a baggage handler and I don't know why, like, you know, they, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, they, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a And I don't know why, like, you know, that, hey, equal opportunity, right? So they hired him and he was my baggage handler and he used to be like, every day, like, Tiffany, you're the most beautiful woman in the whole airport. And like for six months he was like hitting on me, he would bring me flowers. They had the ants. Oh Oh, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, a, a. the, a. they. the, equal, equal, equal, ea, equal, the, equal, ea, equal, equal, ea, equal, the, equal, a.e, a.e.a, hey, hey, hey, hey, he was stealing them out of somebody or. He would buy me jewelry, he gave me necklaces, they would turn my neck green.

He would bring me filet-of-fish sandwiches because he knew I love filet-of-fish. And he went to all these things. And I had pooped in that dude's shoes and broke up with him, right? And Roscoe was hooping again. And so, Rosco, Roscoe, Roscoe, I, Roscoe, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was just, I was just, I was just, I was just, I was just, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I would tho, I would tho, I would tho, I would thi, I would thi, I would th. He, I would th. He, I th. He, I th. He, I th. He, I, I th. He, I th. He, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was just, I was just, I was just, I thi, thi, thi, to to to me, to me, to to me, to to me, to to to to thi, to thi, I would thi, I would th start dating again. And so, Rosco, dang, you really like this story. I said, The camera man are killing him so. Yes. So, so Roscoe was like, I really want to go out.

And finally I said, let's go out, Rosco. He was like, really? You serious? Oh my god. Okay, meet me on the corner. There's a bus. And I was like, the to to to to to to to to to to to me, to to me, to me, to me, to to me, to me, to, to, to, to, tho, tho, tho, tho, the, the, the, the, I was, I was, I was, the the the the, I was, I was, I was, the, the, the camera, the camera, the camera, the camera, the camera, the camera, the camera, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I. I. I was, I. I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I. I. I was, the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th., was, the the th the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the a 217 bus, and I was like, wait a minute, I got a car, I got a Gio Metro, I'll pick you up. And I went and picked him up and I figured out where he got all them flowers from, in front of his house, there was like a lot of roses and stuff, and it was a big old house. I was like, oh, okay, wait a minute, he might have an inheritance. And, um. But turns out he lived in like, he lived in a group home for people with like disabilities and stuff.

And I remember the girl answered the door and she was like, oh my god, you are so beautiful, you are so beautiful. She's like running around and like Tiffany's here, she's so beautiful. And I was like, I gotta come over here every day because this is how you should be breathing. And, um, and then everybody started coming out the woodworks and I was like, oh man, does, does, does, does, does, does, does, th, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, th, th, th, th, th, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, thi, thi, the, the, he, the And then everybody started coming out the woodworks. And I was like, oh man, does he live with the X-Men? Because it was like, everybody was very unique in their own way. And then he came down the stairs. And it was like, he was the head man. Everybody was like, run, sco, run.

And he's like, shit up, girl, shit up. He gave me some more flowers, those had spiders. And we went to this really nice restaurant and in Hermosa Beach, California called Hennessees, and they had karaoke that night, right? So it's like a restaurant bar type situation. And we was the only black people there, so you know how that was. Everybody was looking at at us well mostly at me like girl you are so brave and um so when he's seeing this you do

like does he does he win does he get no that's not when he won now let me tell you what we've got it in okay so then he come back to the he come back to the table right and he said across from me and he look at me in my eyes, and he grabbed my hand with that one strong arm and put that little dead hand on the table, right? And he looking at me, he's like, Tiffany, you're the most beautiful girl in the whole white world. I feel like the most magical night in my life. And if I die tomorrow, I will be the most happiest man because I'm here with you tonight." And he started crying, tears started coming out of his eyes, little snot bubble came

out of snow. And I was sitting across from him, I was like, I'm going to fuck that's enough for this book. Oh man. Oh, man. There's no interview that's enough for this book. The Lost Black Unicorn is available. If this is not number Lost Black Unicorn is available. If this is not number one, you guys don't know good books. Tiffany Hattish, everybody.

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