The Daily Show: Ears Edition - Good and Bad News from the Coronavirus World Tour

Episode Date: March 24, 2020

Trevor covers global coronavirus news, Desi Lydic describes life as a round-the-clock parent, and Roy Wood Jr. and Michael Kosta weigh in on Trump's Best Word Bracket. Learn more about your ad-choices at https://www.iheartpodcastnetwork.comSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

You're listening to Comedy Central. When 60 Minutes premiered in September 1968, there was nothing like it. This is 60 Minutes. It's a kind of a magazine for television. Very few have been given access to the treasures in our archives. But that's all about to change. Like none of this stuff gets looked at, that's what's incredible. I'm Seth Done of CBS News,

listen to 60 Minutes, a second look, starting September 17th, wherever you get your podcasts. Hey everybody, Trevor Noah here. The Daily Show is officially back on TV. Yay! Okay, well, not like, on TV, on TV, because for now we're not the daily show, with the daily social distancing show broadcasting from my apartment. Because we're being responsible and we're staying at home, you know, to help contain the spread of coronavirus.

I've been in my house for 11 days now. Here's a fun tip that I learned today. Rice tastes better if you soak it in some hot water first. Yeah, it's not as crunchy, but it works. These are cool things you learn when you stay at home. Also, because I've now accepted that this is my new reality, I'm going to try slowly turn my little library area into my TV studio. You know that there's a more presentable TV studio space. And so, and so, and so, and so, and so, and so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, thi, thi, thi, thi, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi's thi's thiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii's, thi's their, thi's thi, thi,, you know that there's a more presentable TV studio space. And so I'm responding to some of your concerns that I've seen online. I have decided to replace the dying plant that was behind me with a fake plant that will

last forever. Anyway, on today's episode, we're going to catch up on all the latest coronavirus developments, like bad news about the Olympics, the big bailout fights in Congress, and desperate doctors getting help from TV doctors. So let's get into it. Welcome to the Daily Social Distancing Show. From Trevor's Couch in New York City to your couch somewhere in the world. This is the Daily Social Distancing Show with Trevor Noe, ears addition. All right, let's kick it off with some good news first.

The FDA has just approved a new coronavirus test due to start shipping this week, and this test will dramatically decrease the wait time for results, down from a few days to a mere 45 minutes, which is no time at all. That's just the time you take to wash your hands if you're doing it right. Also, as doctors are treating more treate more treate more treate more treate more treate more treate more treate more treate more tha tha tha to to tha to to to tha to to to to to to to to to to to toe, toetake to wash your hands if you're doing it right. Also, as doctors are treating more patients, they're learning more about the disease and ways that they can help people self-diagnose earlier. For example, doctors are now saying that a loss of smell or taste can be a symptom of coronavirus. It's completely true.

Yeah, so if you thought your husband's chronic farting problem suddenly got better, you in danger, girl. Is it just me though? It doesn't seem like the disease has more specific symptoms every day, right? Because first, first they were like, okay, it's flu-like symptoms, then they said, no, it's a cough, but it's a dry cough, and now it's like you lose your sense of smell. Pretty soon it's going to be like, apparently coronavirus makes your right butt cheek really large and your left butt cheek gets all lopsided and twitchy. Then you gotta go to the hospital if that happens. You're gonna be falling every time you sit down. Whoa, Corona, oh, oh.

Oh, oh. Oh, here's some really good news. For all those people who are stressing about running out of toilet paper, there's a new online toilet paper calculator that will help people figure out how long your supply will last so that you can stop hoarding. Because right now, some people have bought so much toilet paper, they can probably pass it down in their will. Just be like, and to my grandchildren, I bequeathed my fine collection of Charmin Ultrasoft that I bought during the Corona Crisis of

2020. Oh, oh, oh, oh. So, that's the good news. The bad news is that the coronavirus world tour is still in full swing. In India, Prime Minister Modi has ordered 100 hundred million people under lockdown. That's right. An entire bus in India is not allowed to move. And in Germany, Chancellor Angela Merkel became the first European leader to self-quaried. And the country has banned groups of more than two people from gathering,

which is really unfortunate for Germans. Because you realize it takes at least five people to get in or out of leather hosen. Like leather pants or no joke. You can't do that alone.. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. An thi. An thi. An thi. An th. An th. An th. An th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. In thi. In thi. In thi. In thi. In thi. In thi. In thi. ti. ti. tei. tei. tei. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. Because you realize it takes at least five people to get in or out of leatherhosen. Like, leather pants are no joke. You can't do that alone. Now, the big international news today is over in Japan, where the Summer Olympics look like they're being postponed until 2021. Yeah, they're postponing the Olympic Games. Meanwhile, Tom and Linda are going forward with their game night as planned. Yeah, I thought I'd gotten out of it, but now they want me to do it over Skype. Unbelievable. How do you even play game night over Skype? Which cards do you have? That's the point of the game.

Got to show you my card so you know what cards I have and then I'm playing with my cards at home. Just cancel! to tome tom to to just just just just just just just just just to to to to to to just just just just just just just to to to to to just just just just just just just to to to to to to just to just to just to just to just to just to just to just to just to just to just to just just just cancel. to just to just to just to just to just to just to just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just. I I I I. I to. I to. I to. I to. I tom. I'm just cancel. I'm just cancel. I'm just cancel. I'm just cancel. I'm just cancel. I'm just cancel. I'm just cancel. I'm. I'm just cancel. I'm to to to to to, I would have still held the games even if all the other countries dropped out. Because think about it. If everybody else is out, you win gold in every event. Although they also come lost in every event. Yeah, but still, I mean, you just sing the national anthem for winners and either way, I would have held the event. The other way to save the Olympics is you can just do it over

zoom or Skype like everything else right now you know just have all the gymnast doing their thing in different places they could all describe it to each other. You know just be like okay hi everybody am I on can you see me I'm gonna do I'm gonna do a back flip right now. Sorry, what did you say? I can't hear you? You breaking up, you're breaking up? Did you just say, did you say dog shit? No, I said back flip, I'm gonna do a back flip.

Here guys, it's Katarina here. I just got on, is it my turn to dual Ford flip yet? No, it's my, I'm doing, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I'm th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th, th, th, th, thi, thi, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, to, to, to, to, to, th, th, th, th, th, th, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, tod.'m doing the thing, you know what, let, let, personally, I think they should just turn social distancing into an Olympic sport. Yeah, we can watch that. Have you watched people these days, when they're walking down the street going to the grocery store, every time someone gets within six feet of them, they're basically doing Olympic moves. Huh, huh, huh, huh? Now, despite coronavirus being one of the most stressful situations the world has ever

experienced, it has also given us moments of pure comedy gold. For instance, in Italy, despite being one of the hardest hit countries, with 60,000 confirmed cases, some Italians are still going out, living their normal lives and having fun. Which is not only irresponsible, it's stressing a lot of people out, right? And so a lot of Italian mayors and local leaders have started posting videos yelling at people to go back home. Me arisen, someone woulriebenten, to go back home. Me arrive nootizie that someone would prepare the festax di laurea.

We're the carabinieri, but we mandiam the lanchafiam. I'm the sindacu. to my torritoria, notisksiage. to theymeathe. to bepaheuvrass. But the to-n'teck-n't you you you you you goe with these can that they have the prostatat inflamed? Not a film.

You don't say Will Smith in I'm the teleenda. You can't stay in the middle of the assail. How you need to explain? to you. to the the the the the the. I love PlayStation. Yo, I gotta say, I love how direct Italians are. Because in America, mayors are like, please help to flatten the curve, to limit your excursions to only essential travel.

Please, we know people aren't doing this. We need you. And in Italy, they're just like, get the fuck inside. I'll knock o'clock at your teeth in. Why you don't listen. I'll come there and I and I and I'll to punch to punch to punch to to break to break to break to break to break to break to break to break to break to break to break to break to break to break to break to break to break to break why you don't listen, I go to come there and I punch you in the face, I go to break you, your mother, I'm going to break you. Now, while leaders in Italy are threatening to come and kick their constituents' ass, the residents of Spain seem to be a little more well-behaved. And so to reward the citizens stuck at home, the police are driving around and performing for people in the streets. Oh, you see? That's nice. That's a really nice thing for those police to do. And something

that would never work in the USA. Can you imagine that? Police driving out, jumping out of their cars with instruments playing from people. As soon as black people start clapping, the cops would lose their shit. They'd just be like, and we're here to sing for you. And black people will be like, yeah, shots fired, shots fired! Shots fired! Be like, yo, man, I was clapping. Put your hands down! I can't, they're my hands, man!

They're my hands! All right, so that's some of what's going on around the world. So let's so th so th so th. So th. So th. So to th. So th. So th. So to th. to th. th. to to to th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th th th th th th the. the. that's. th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th. th. th. th. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. to. to. to. to. to. to to to to to to to to to to the thee the the the the the the the. S. S. S. S. S. S. th world. So let's switch gears and catch up on everything over here in the US. Over the past few days, more high-profile people have tested positive for coronavirus. Andy Cohen has coronavirus. Senator Rand Paul has coronavirus. Even Harvey Weinstein, who's in prison, has tested positive for coronavirus, which makes coronavirus the first thing that's coming to contact with Harvey Weinstein by choice. Now, because Rand Paul tested positive a number of senators who came into contact with him quarantined themselves out of precaution and when

Trump was asked about one of those senators he could barely contain his glee. President Trump's press briefing yesterday started on notes of unity and strength but quickly turned to, appearing to mock Senator Mitt Romney's decision to self-isolate himself. On top of Senator Paul, now four senators are in isolation, and the rules say that in order to vote they have to be there. Who are there? Romney, Senator Lee, Senator Gardner and Senator Rick Scott.

Also two of them were in contact with. With the critical stimulus package vote expectancy. Romney's in isolation? Yes. Gee, that's too bad. Go ahead. Does it detect sarcasm there? No, no, no one so much.

Oh, God damn. You know, even if we all get wiped out, I feel like Trump's pettiness is going to be the only thing that survives this pandemic. And like there's no good time for a president to be a dick, but what he did there was a little, I mean, it was shitty, right? Mitt Romney's in danger after being exposed to the virus, right? And Mitt Romney's wife, Anne, has MS, so she's at a higher risk for complications. And I bet Trump didn't even think of this when he spoke, you know, because he can't imagine a husband and wife ever getting close enough to expose one another.

Now, obviously, it's not just famous people testing positive for coronavirus. Every day, the number of infected people in America goes up by thousands. And because of that, hospitals are now being overwhelmed. Doctors are running out of vital supplies, like, like, th, th, th, thks, thks, thks, thks, thks, like, thks, thuks, thuks, thuks, thuks, thuks, thuks, thiks, thiks, thiks, thiks, thia, thia, thia, thia, thiolks, thioliolu. to to toa, thioluu- thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi. thi, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, thi. And, toa, thi. And, toa, toa. And, toa. And, toa. And, toa. And, toa. And, toaui. And, toa. And, toa. And, toa. And, toa, that hospitals are now being overwhelmed. Doctors are running out of vital supplies like masks, gloves and gowns and it's gotten so desperate that the CDC is telling doctors to just try and use scarves and bandanas. That's really troubling for two reasons. One, doctors are obviously going to be at an increased risk of getting infected by the virus. And two, every hospital is going to start looking like it's being run by the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the thi thi thi thi thi. thi. Like thi. Like thi, like thi, like thi, like thi, like thi, like thi, like thi, like thi, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like thi, like thi, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like thi supplies, like thi supplies, like thi supplies, like thi, like thi, thi, thi, thi. thi, thi. Like thi, thi, thi. I thi. We's thi. I'm thi. Wea. Wea. I'm thiau. Weau. We''a'a. We'a'a'ea. We'ea, thia. We'ea, thi. to be at an increased risk of getting infected by the virus. And two, every hospital is going to start looking like it's being run by the crips and the

bloods. Hey, man, don't you ever let me catch you prescribing shit in my ward, cause? Now let me get that CT scan on Miss Chowowski. So now, the hospital equipment shortage has gotten so dire that New York Governor Andrew Cuomo announced that the state was forced to buy 2 million masks from overseas for about five times their regular price. And even though some mask manufacturers in America are ramping up production, it's not happening fast enough.

It's not happening fast enough for the doctors who are on the front lines. And so governors have been pleading with President Trump to use the Defense Production Act to force private companies in America to produce all the supplies hospitals desperately need. But Trump has refused to use this law implying that it would turn America into Venezuela. Yeah. And while he's telling American governors to figure thin thin thi thi thi thi th th thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi tho tho- tho-thea tho-thea thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi to thi to thi to happen thi to happen thi. thi. thi. thiiiiiiii. thiiiiiiiiiii. thi. thi thi thi thi thi to use this law, implying that it would turn America into Venezuela. Yeah. And while he's telling American governors to figure things out for themselves, he also wrote a letter to Kim Jong-un offering to help North Korea to fight the coronavirus. So at this point, I don't know what's more unbelievable, that Donald Trump is worrying about North Korea or that he was able to write an entire letter. Like if you ask me, maybe that, maybe, maybe, maybe, maybe, maybe, maybe, maybe, maybe, maybe, that, that, that, that, that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that's that's that's that's that's that's thi, thi, thi, thi thi thi thi thi thi thi-a, thi-a, thi-a, thi-a, thi-a, thi-a, thiiiiii-a, thiiiiiiiiiiiiiii, thiiiiiiiiii, thi, thii thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi, thi, thi, thi, thii, thiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii, thi, thei, thi, that Donald Trump is worrying about North Korea or that he was able to write an entire letter. Like if you ask me, maybe that's what doctors in America need to do.

Then you take two hours off and launch some missiles into the sea of Japan. Then maybe Trump will be like, nice shot guys, great missile launch. Here's some masks, game, game recognize, game. So, with many hospitals struggling and the federal government not doing enough to solve the crisis, everyone is trying their best to help out however they can. TV medical shows are donating all of their supplies, their masks, their gloves, their gowns, that they've been using as props. This is a real thing that is happening right now.

TV shows, TV doctor hospital shows are giving their props in. And I'm glad that they're not giving their doctors in. Those doctors are mad sexy. If you thought coronavirus made it hard to breathe before, can you imagine being treated by McDreemie? Doctor, are you okay? Is something wrong? Are those the symptoms? No, it's your eyes. I can't breathe. Now, because the numbers of people infected keep increasing, governors of nine states have ordered

their citizens into lockdown, which means right now, a hundred million Americans are forced to stay at home. A hundred million people. That's one-third of the US population or one subway car in New York. And because a hundred million people are forced to stay at home, the economy is on the brink of a historic collapse. Over the weekend, an official with the Federal Reserve predicted that the unemployment rate could skyrocket all the way up to 30%. And to 30%. And to give you a perspective, that would be worse than any point during the Great Depression. Yeah.

So to try and stop this from happening, Congress has been working on a massive $2 trillion stimulus package that would give people money and keep businesses afloat. But negotiations between Republicans and Democrats have been contentious and the main sticking point has been the Republicans are proposing that a huge chunk of the stimulus money would go into a slush fund controlled by the Trump administration. Yeah. So imagine that. Trump would have a ton of money that he could control, and they wouldn't even have to tell the public who they gave the money to for six months.

Six months is a lot of time. Trump would be in Mexico by that time, living under an alias. Senior Trump. You realize Trump would basically be able to choose which businesses he wants to end up to and which businesses he wants to end up like his businesses. Basically, any company that has publicly opposed Trump or makes vegetables could get screwed. It's over for them. The Jolly Green Giant is going to be out here selling his kidneys just to make ends meet.

And while lawmakers are haggling overfunding and health care professionals are trying to keep people alive. Many parents across the nation are facing a struggle right now. And that struggle is being stuck at home with their kids. So early on I gave Desi Lyddeca a call to see how she's handling being a stuck-at-home mom. Des-Dii, hey! Desi, hey! Hi!

Oh, wow. So good to see your face. How are you doing? I mean, I'm self-quarantine. I'm doing what everyone else is doing. How are you doing? Oh, I'm good. I'm so, I'm great.

I'm, we're doing great. You know, just a lot of family bonding time, a lot of time together, which is, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, th, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, to, too, to, to to to to too, too, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, ogether, which is, you know, we don't get that a lot. So I guess small silver lining in this thing. You know, so, so much time together. Just a lot of, just being trapped in a one bedroom apartment with a small child for two weeks. So it's good, but for such a tight space, I'm actually finding a lot of new places to cry in,

so that's good. Oh, wow. Um, well, I mean, look on the bright side, at least you have people there. Like, I don't have kids, so it's just me alone at home. Like, I'm try to find ways to kill time. Like, yesterday I put all my, I put all my t-shirts on at the same time, like all of them. That's how lonely I am. Like you have your family, you can spend time with them.

I don't know, Trevor, I would love, I would love to be that lonely right now. See, when you have a kid, you go into it thinking, I'm gonna spend an hour tops, 24 hours a day with him. It's a lot. Normally he'd go to school. He'd come back with a cute story. You know, some kid fell down on the playground and he laughed. It was hilarious. All of his stories I already know. I'm in all the stories. I'm here to see it all. It's the worst. Wow, okay. I mean, I hope he's not hearing you say any of this.

But like at school and... Go back in your room, buddy. Go back in your room. Make mommy a drink. In old-fashioned. With the muddle it. You gotta muddle it. Use all that upper body strength.

What? But like, other than making drinks, are you, are you also teaching your kid at home? Because I know a lot of moms and families have been saying that homeschooling has been the hardest part of this self-distancing process. Are you, are you homeschooling your kid? Yeah, yeah, it's going terribly. It's horrible. I'm like expected to know all of this stuff that I've forgotten about long ago. Like, do you even remember learning about the different types of clouds?

Yeah. Well, he came in and he was like, mommy, my favorite type of cloud is a cumulonim, I don't even know what the clouds? Cuminum. Yeah, yeah, that. I almost spanked him because I thought he was saying a dirty word., I, I, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, thu, thu, thu, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, do thi, do thi, do th, do th, do th, do th, do th, do th, do th, do th, do th, do th, do th, do th, do thi, do thi, do thi, do thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii, thiiii, thi, thi, thi, do thi what the problem. Yeah, yeah, that. I almost spanked him because I thought he was saying a dirty word. And then we're supposed to go over the capitals of states. You know that the capital of Maine is Augusta?

Not the way it should be. It should be Maine city. They should all be like that. Maine city. Maine city. Capital of the United States should be America City. Shut up, Siret up, shut up. So many voices. There's just so many, it's just incessant.

Okay, but here's the thing. Like, I feel like, right now you're feeling it. But think on the bright side, like, after this is done, you'll know all the clouds and you'll learn about all the city, like, you'll get, but the the things, the things, the things, the things, the things, the things, the things, the things, the things, the things, the th. the thi, thi, thi, their, thi, their, thi, thi, the, the, th. thi, thi, thi, the, th. the, th. the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, th....... th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thee, th. thin, th. th. th. th. th th th th the, threat, th the, the, threat, the, the, the, the, th. th. side, like after this is done, you'll know all the clouds and you'll learn about all the city. Like you'll get to learn the things that your son is learning in school. So like, it's a win-win. No, but we're not, we're not gonna do that anymore. I'm not gonna home school anymore. None of the stuff is gonna come in handy. I'm gonna te. I'm gonna te, the stuff stuff stuff stuff stuff stuff stuff stuff stuff stuff stuff stuff stuff, th. I'm gonna th. I'm gonna th. I'm gonna th. I'm gonna th. I'm gonna th. I'm gonna th. I'm gonna th. I'm gonna th. I'm gonna th. I'm. I'm. th. th. th. th. thin. thin'. the. tho, tho, tho, tho's th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. thooo. the. the. tho. tho. tho. it's like to live post-corona, right? Like how to MacGyver a mask out of his teenage mutant Ninja Turtle underwear.

That's going to come in handy. How to search for quarters in the dirt. Valuable skill. How to cook a rat with a magnifying glass. He'll be glad I taught him that. Why are you eating rats? It's like just going to be like a month or like? We don't know Trevor. We don't know. Yeah, but I mean, yeah, but I feel like I feel like the things you'd, I hear you, I just think the things you're teaching him are a little, I think it's a little extreme. No, he'll think me later. He'll think me later. What? I'm coming. I'll be right there. I'll be right. I'll be right. I'm th. th. I'll th. I'll th. I'll th. I'll th. I'll th. I'll th. I'll th. I'll the th. I'll th. I'll th. I'll the the the th. I'll the the the the the the the th. I'll the the th. I'll the the th. I'll the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. I'll th. I'll th. I'll th. I'll th. I'll th. I'll th. I'll th. I'll th. I'll th. I'll th. I'll th. I'll th. I'll thi. things. things. things. the. thi. the. the. the. th. I'll th. I'll th. I recess is over. Oh, fun. What does he do for recess? I don't know, recess is for me. Bye.

Okay, bye. Is that vodka? What? Yeah, so that was Desiletic everybody, who I think is raising Mad Max. We'll be right back. When 60 Minutes premiered in September 1968, there was nothing like it. This is 60 Minutes. It's a kind of a magazine for television. Very few have been given access to the treasures in our archives. You're rolling? But that's all about to change.

Like none of this stuff gets looked at. That's what's incredible. I'm Seth Done of CBS News. Listen to 60 Minutes, a second look, starting September 17th, wherever you get your podcasts. Welcome back to the daily social distancing show. So, as we all know, Donald Trump may not be the best at managing a crisis, or getting funding to all the hospitals that needed to buy masks or

doing anything presidential. But we can't deny. The man is great at words. And don't take my word for it, take his words for it. An example of the peer no record to the highest level of activists. I mean, if you if you take a look at what we did, and that's Remdeser, Voire. Truly, Spentaflaf Flacula. Now, you may remember this, or you may not, because it sort of happened before Corona went crazy. But, this is actually a great time to get back into our Trump's Best Words competition. Because, before we started the Daily Social distancing show, the daily show had an online bracket

where you could choose Trump's best words. Because, I mean, we gotta find the best word of all time. And so, Michael Costa and Roywood Jr. have some updates on which words are in the liege. Yo, what up man? How you hanging, man? You good so far? Yeah, you know.

Good. The shirt, the hair's a little bit better. All right. Yeah, I'm naked from the waist down, but we're in quarantine. That's more information than I needed to hear. Have you voted yet, Costa? Oh my God. Is it election day? the best words Trump mispronounce we're down to the sweet 16 bro yeah or as Trump would say

the sweat shish term now the first match up we have in the sweatshisshing is Nazijjee's versus intropin and the combat infant trippen badge the Nazis don't take this out of context Roy but I like the Nazis you heard it here first people, Costa loves the Nazish. That's not what I'm, alright, here's another one, Roy, criminal versus anonemush, anonemush. By an anonymous, really an enonymous. The shield, and shelter, criminal, look, look, wait.

It's definitely not a smooth criminal, I tell you that much. I actually like criminal. I feel like it's criminal thiii criminal, it's th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th, th. th. th, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi, thi, thi, thi, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. Here, th. Here, th. Here, th. Here, th. Here, th, th. Here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here thi, here thi, thi, thi, thi, thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi, here, here, here's thi, here, here's thi, here, thi, look, wait. It's definitely not a smooth criminal, I tell you that much. I actually like criminal. I feel like it's criminal, but with a tentacle. What about this matchup? Harylin versus statistics. You're gonna see some statistics, statistics coming out. Harrolin alone, if you look at the heroin epidemic. I like heraline, because it's like he's trying to say heroin but then he thought of a woman named Maryland's name and he tried to spring him

together. Maryland, where's my heroin? Yeah like does he normally buy his heroin from Maryland? What about this match up? Transpants versus oranges. I hope they now go and take a look at the oranges, the oranges of the investigation. receive heart, lung and liver transpants. trans trans trans trans trans. trans. the trans trans. the trans pants. the trans pants. the the th. the th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. to th. th. th. th. th. to to th. I to th. I th. I th. I th. I th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the the the the th. th. the th. th. th. th. th. th. the. the. toe. toe. toe. toe. toe. toe. toe. toe. toe. toe. toe. thr. the the the. Receive heart, lung, and liver transpants annually. Well, I'm gonna go with transpants, because I'm not wearing a transpants right now, as already told you. I'm not even in the same building as you, and I just feel the need to social distance just a little more. You've got less than two days to vote for Trump's best words at Daily Show Br.com. Yo, I'm loving the beard. I might grow me one. Oh yeah, I was gonna shave it, but I don't have a time right now, you know?

Michael Costa and Roywood Jr. everybody. Thanks so much, guys. All right, everybody. That's it for today's episode of the Daily Social Distancing Show. Thank you so much for tuning in. But we we we we we we we we we we we, we, th th th th th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, to to to to can. We ask that if you have anything, please go to no kid-hungry.org and donate to kids who get meals while their schools are shut down. If you want to help feed kids specifically New York City, then go to City Harvest. And you can donate whatever you're able to. Stay safe out there or stay safe in there inside and I'll see you here tomorrow.

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