The Daily Show: Ears Edition - Government Shutdown: Trump's Total Shutshow

Episode Date: September 29, 2023

The Daily Show looks back at President Trump’s mismanagement of the longest government shutdown in American history.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

John Stewart here, unbelievably exciting news. My new podcast, The Weekly Show, we're gonna be talking about the election, economics, ingredient to bread ratio on sandwiches. Listen to the weekly show with John Stewart, wherever you get your podcast. You're listening to Comedy Central. President Trump clashing with Nancy Pelosi and Chuck Schumer over border security during an explosive sit down. Nancy Pelosi and Chuck Schumer, together with the president, clashed big time over border wall funding.

With a December 21st deadline to avoid a government shutdown, the clock is ticking. Trump is demanding $5 billion for a border wall. And as you can imagine, Democrats would rather release Obama's original Kenyan birth certificate than give Trump that wall money. Which is why this meeting turned into an absolute mess. You want to shut it down. No, no, no. The last time, Chuck, you shut it down.

And then you hope to do it very quickly. I don't want to do what you did. I just said it is effective. Can I be here? I tell you something? Yeah, you just said it's effective. Without a wall. House Democrats who just won a big victory. Elections have consequences, Mr. President. That's right. And that's why the country is doing so well.

You can do border security without a wall, It totally solves the problem. And we've gained in the Senate. Nancy, we've gained in the Senate. Excuse me, did we win the Senate? We won the Senate. When the President brags that he won North Dakota and Indiana, he's in real trouble. Okay. Okay. They're having an argument and he's like a character and episode of the office. He's like, now the president is doing this right now. Now the thing about shutdowns is that if they end quickly, there's not much harm that is

done, right? But the longer they go on, the worst the effects are. Think of it like this. If you leave your cats a home alone for the weekend, they may not love it, but they'll they'll they'll they'll they'll the something, right? But if you're gone for six months, you're going to need some new cats, right? And because they escape and then they leave. And 17 days into this shutdown, let's just say that America's cats are starting to stink. Tonight, nearly a dozen departments and agencies have run out of funding. Roughly 25% of the federal government gone dark.

Here are those departments, agriculture, commerce, justice, homeland security, housing and urban development, interior, state, transportation, treasury. Many judges are furloughed, creating a backlog in the immigration court system. Then there are the farmers already under duress from the president's trade war with China. The shutdown means they're not getting those stimulus those stimulus stimulus stimulus stimulus stimulus stimulus stimulus the stimulus the stimulus the stimulus the stimulus the stimulus. the stimulus the stimulus. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. to to their to to to to to their to to their. to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to their their their their their their their. their. the the the to. to. to. to. to. to. to. the to. the the the the the the the the. the the. the the. the the the the f. the f. the f. their the. The shutdown means they're not getting those stimulus payments promised by their government. The ripple effects extending to the national parks, piling up with garbage, even human waste, turning them into health hazards. Park visitors in some places are taking care of business, shall we say, along pathways or in

the woods. That's right. The shutdown has gotten so bad that at national parks, Americans are pooping on the ground. Who's the shit-hole country now? It's day 20 of the second longest government shutdown in history. 1995, we're coming for you. With no end in sight, civil servants are marching on Washington, D.C.

and the President knows why. People that won't get next week's pay or the following weeks pay. I think if you ever really looked at those people, I think they'd say, Mr. President, keep going. He's talking about people who work for the IRS or homeland security or NASA and are about to miss their first their first their first their first their first their first their first their first their first their first their first their first their first their first their first their first their first their first their first who work for the IRS or Homeland Security or NASA and are about to miss their first paycheck. Time to give these people a chance to speak to the president directly and to tell him to keep going.

This is a card for President Trump to tell him to keep going. You write whatever you want to President Trump and his keep going. American Federation of government employees. Hell no. He wrote, keep going Mr. President, we are all not behind you. You mean not not is what he meant to write. Stop the BS. Stop the BS. Bad seeds trying to come in from over the border, right? We got it, Ryan. See, the people do support the president. You tell President Trump exactly how much you support him and what he's doing. Don't hold back. Maybe this rally just needs a good simple chance. Keep going, keep going,

Mr. President. Keep going, Mr. President. Where's everybody leaving? Come back? So today at the White House, the president met with congressional leaders to try and negotiate an end to the President, where's everybody leaving? Come back. So today at the White House, the president met with congressional leaders to try and negotiate an end to the shutdown, and Trump shut that down, too. Unfortunately, the president just got up and walked out. He asked Speaker Pelosi,

will you agree to my wall? She said, no. And he just got up and said, then we have nothing to discuss, and he just tooom., and too.. too, too, too, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, the, the, the, to, to, the to, the to, to, the the president, the president, the president, the president, to, the president, the president, the president, to, the president, the president, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, the president, the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. th thi. thi. toda, tr tr tr today, today, today, today, today, too, too, too, too, the president, the the to my wall? She said no. And he just got up and said then we have nothing to discuss and he just walked down. This was what President Trump had to say about it. He said, quote, just left a meeting with Chuck and Nancy a total waste of time. I asked, are you going to improve border security, which includes a wall or steel barrier? Nancy said no. I said bye-bye. I said bye-bye, nothing else works.

Bye-bye. Say what you want about Trump. Some of the things that he does are pretty badass, right? Because that's always been a dream of mine. I'm not going to lie. I've always dreamed of walking into a meeting, like, are you guys going to give me what I want? No? Well, then this meeting is over. Bye-bye. John Stewart here.

Unbelievably exciting news. My new podcast, The Weekly Show. We're going to be talking about the election, economics, ingredient to bread ratio, on sandwiches. Listen to the weekly show with John Stewart, wherever you get your podcast. All we got from Trump was basically another immigration stump speech. And like not even one of these fun ones, you know, where he like jerks off an imaginary giant or whatever he's doing. Instead, we just, we just got a low-energy jeb version of Trump.

My fellow Americans, tonight I am speaking to you because there is a growing humanitarian and security crisis at our southern border. The federal government remains shut down for one reason and one reason only because Democrats will not fund border security. This is a humanitarian crisis, a crisis of the heart and a crisis of the soul. Soul. Crisis of the soul. You know Trump had to practice that word hard because he's never said it before, right? He was probably reading a draft of the speech like a crisis of the soul. Saul? Saul?

Did you guys just make up this word? I love it. Give me more nonsense words like this. I love it. So, Shaool. And look, for all the hype, the speech wasn't even that long. It was only 10 minutes, and eight minutes of it was just Trump sniffing. This barrier is absolutely critical to border security that defends our borders and reopens

the government. Democrats in Congress have refused to acknowledge the crisis. This guy, like, you're slipping so much. It sounds like he's trying to get all the drugs off the street himself. I'll get rid of them. Bring them to me. But even in that short 10 minutes, President Trump managed to pack in a lot of scaring the shit out of people about illegal immigrants. Our southern border is a pipeline for vast quantities of illegal drugs.

Meth, heroin, cocaine. More Americans will die from drugs this year. Sex crimes, violent killings, murdered, raped, beaten, beheading, dismembering, blood, blood. Good Lord, so much violence. This thing was on TV at 9 p.m. This didn't belong on network. This was an HBO speech.

They should have put up one of those content warnings first so you could get the kids out of the room, you know? And right now, it looks like the shutdown could go on for a very long time, because both sides feel like they have a mandate from voters. Trump could say that he won the presidency promising a border wall, so he has a duty to build that wall. But on the other hand, he also promised that Mexico would pay for it. The Democrats could say that they just won the midterms in a landslide, and they ran against the wall so they have an obligation to stop it.

But the one thing everyone should be able to agree on is that none of this should shut the government down. This is politics. This is what you're supposed to be discussing. And it's also disingenuous for President Trump to try and blame the shutdown on the Democrats, especially after saying this. I am proud to shut down the government for border security. I will be the one to shut it down.

I'm not going to blame you for it. Unless it goes bad, then I'm blaming you guys. Bye-bye. The whole debate is just devolved into wall or no wall, like caveman Congress. And if there's one thing we know, it's that nothing will stop immigrants from trying to come to America. This is a place that people dream of coming to because people are trying to make a better, safer life for their families will do anything to achieve that dream.

And I know Donald Trump understands this because of this video we found from 15 years ago. Never, ever give up. Don't give up. Don't allow it to happen. If there's a concrete wall in front of you, go through it, go over, go around it. We know from DHS testing over the course of the last year that all of President Trump's prototypes

were breachable in some way, but now for the first time NBC News has exclusively obtained a photograph of the steel slat barrier style border wall that was clearly cut through with what we are told as a household saw. You think the news that you can just saw through a steel wall would be devastating news for Trump. But apparently he already knows about this and he's not concerned.

There are pictures this morning showing steel barrier wall being sawed through it. There's nothing that can't be penetrated, but you fix it. I get what he's saying. Again, I get it. Even if a wall isn't 100% impenetrable, it's still better than nothing. And America's going to need all the help it can get because the way Trump tells it, things on the border are about to get nuts.

Here's the story. There is another major caravan forming right now in Honduras. And so far we're trying to break it up. But so far, it's bigger than anything we've seen. I don't know why, but the president makes it sound like a hurricane of Hondurans is hitting for the US. You don't know, I mean, say what you want about him as president, but Donald Trump would make a great immigration weatherman. Here's the story. There is another major caravan forming right now in Honduras.

And so far, we're trying to break it up. But so far, it's bigger than anything we've seen. And a drone isn't going to stop it. And a censor isn't going to stop it. And a censor isn't going to stop it. But you know what's going to stop it in its tracks? A nice powerful wall. President Trump is demanding $5 billion from U.S. taxpayers to fund the wall,

which is weird, because during the campaign, he might have mentioned once or twice another idea for where the war money would come from. I will build a great great wall on our southern border and I will have Mexico pay for that wall. Mexico is going to pay for the wall. Mexico is going to pay for the wall 100%? Who's going to pay the war? Only thing worse than one Trump is many Trumps.

Mexico's gonna pay for it. That was Trump's signature catchphrase. More than any other catchphrase, more than you're fired, more than make America great again, even more than don't tell my wife about this. But we never should have actually believed that Mexico was going to pay for the wall. Because every time someone asked Trump how Mexico would pay, he had a completely different explanation. There will be a payment. It will be in a form, perhaps a complicated form. One way the other Mexico is going to pay for the wall. That's right.

It may be through reimbursement, but one way the other Mexico will pay for itself on a monthly basis. The wall will pay for itself on a monthly basis. We're working on a tax reform bill that will generate revenue from Mexico that will pay for the wall. We have a trade deficit with Mexico, of 58 billion dollars. All I have to do is start playing with that trade deficit, and believe me, they're gonna pay for it. They're gonna to trya the the their their their their their their their their their their their their their tha. tha. the. the. the. the. the. the. Te. Te. Teufe. Te. Te. Te. Thea. theufe. Thea. Te. Thea. Te. Thea that will generate that will generate that will generate that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that's that's that's that's that. that's that's that. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. that that that that that that will thea. that will that will that will thea. that's that's that will that will generate that's that will generate that that's that's that will that will that's thea. that time they see what out of it. Obviously they're not going to write a check. It's going to be paid for it by Canada by the way. It's going to be paid for it. Maybe I'll get

Canada pay. Gotta be paid for it by Mexico. Wait what? You know Donald Trump is truly a legend. Instead of admitting that he misspoke he'd rather. I might make them pay for the wall. And Shane, Canada is so nice. They'd probably do it. They'd be like, um, this is not really a boat tus, but I guess we'll pay, eh? John Stewart here. Unbelievably exciting news. My new podcast, the weekly show, The Weekly Show,

we're going to be talking about the election, economics, ingredient ingredient ingredient ingredient ingredient ingredient ingredient ingredient ingredient ingredient ingredient ingredient ingredient ingredient ingredient ingredient ingredient Listen to the weekly show with John Stewart, wherever you get your podcast. So obviously, things are not going well for America right now, which is awkward for President Trump, because his big State of the Union speech is less than two weeks away. Although today, Nancy Pelosi suggested that maybe now is not a good time. Speaker of the House, Nancy Pelosi has sent a letter to President Trump asking to move the day of the day the day the day the day the day the day the day the day the day the day the day the day the day the day the day the day the day the day of the day of the day of the day of the day of the day of to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to th........ th. the. the the the the thea. the the thea. thea. theau. thea. thea. thea. thea. the House Nancy Pelosi has sent a letter to President Trump asking to move the day of the State of the Union address citing security concerns. Pelosi writes, sadly given the security concerns, unless government reopens this week,

I suggest we work together to determine another suitable date after government has reopened for this address, or for you to consider delivering your State of the Union address in writing to Congress on January 29th..... to to to to to to to to to to to to President to to President to to President to to President to to President to to President to President to to President to President trn tre tr. tr. true true true true to President to President to President to President to President to President to President to President to President to President to President to President to President to President to to to to to to President to President to President to President to President to President to President to President to President to President to President to President to President to President to President to President to President to to President to to President to to President to President to to President to to to President to to President to to President, to President the the true true true true true true true true true true true true true true true true to true to to to President to President to President to President or for you to consider delivering your state of the union address in writing to Congress on January 29th. That's right. Not only is the state of the union uncertain, the state of the union is uncertain. And Nancy Pelosi, she's kind of right. It is tough to convince people that the state of the union is strong when you have to give the speech by candlelight because the government hasn't paid its bills. Trump's going to be sitting there like closer Mitch closer close not too close I swear to God if you burn my weave bitch but I I personally hope they

can fix this soon because Trump delivering the state of the Union in writing would be a disaster okay I mean this is the same guy who tweeted the word hamburders yesterday like if Trump writes his speech down he's going to end up declaring that that that that that th. I I the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the speech. I the the speech. I the speech. I'm the speech the speech the speech I the speech the speech to go the speech the speech to go the speech the speech to go I to go. I to go. I to go. I to go. I the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the speech I I I I the the the the the the the the the speech I the speech I the the the the the speech. I the the the speech. I the the the the the the the the the the the the the s. their s their s they. their s they. they. they. their their their the speech. I their is the same guy who tweeted the word hamburgers yesterday. Like, if Trump writes his speech down, he's going to end up declaring that the state of the union is shlong. It's not going to be, not going to work out. And plus, if he doesn't do the speech out loud, we'd all miss out on all the weird physical stuff that he does, you know? Unless, unless, unless he writes that into the speech too. Then it would work if he was like, we need to pull out of Syria, sniff for eight seconds.

And we need to kick out illegal immigrants, finger gun, finger gun, draw the blinds, bring it home with the accordion, folks. President Trump, moments ago, canceling House Speaker Nancy Pelosi's overseas trip to Brussels, Egypt and the war zone that is Afghanistan hours before the speaker moments ago, canceling House Speaker Nancy Pelosi's overseas trip to Brussels, Egypt, and the war zone, that is Afghanistan, hours before the Speaker and her congressional delegation were set to leave, saying in part, quote, in light of the 800,000 great American workers not receiving pay, I am sure you would agree that postponing this public relations event is totally appropriate. He goes on to write, obviously, if you would like to make your journey by flying commercial, that would certainly be your prerogative.

Ooh. You can feel Trump said it like it's the worst thing he could think of. If you want to fly commercial, ah. That's hardcore though, right? Cancelling her flight right before she's about to take off. That's like the complete opposite of a romantic comedy. Like I imagine Trump ran through the airport like, Nancy, Nancy, wait, Nancy. There's something I have to tell you. And Pelosi was like, yes, Donald, like, Nancy, get the fuck off the plane.

Overnight, President Blinking in his State of the Union's stare down with Nancy Pelosi. The president writing in a late night tweet, I will do the address when the shutdown is over. I am not looking for an alternative venue for the state of the union address, because there is no venue that can compete with a history, tradition and importance of the House chamber. Oh, look at that. Donald Trump and Nancy Pelosi facing off, and Trump blink. Which of course we knew would happen because Nancy Pelosi does not blink. The shutdown is over.

Eight hundred thousand furloughed federal workers will go back to work today and should be getting their back pay within days. That fix only opens the government for three weeks, and it does not provide any new money for a border wall, as President Trump had demanded. I am very proud to announce today that we have reached a deal to end the shutdown and we open the federal government. Have you ever noticed how all of Trump's accomplishments are just fixing things that he broke? He's like, folks, good news, I've freed the immigrant kids from their cages.

Wait, who put them in cages? Also me? I'm glad to announce North Korea isn't going to blow us up anymore. Wait, why were they going to blow us up? Because I called him a fat little rocket man. Maybe it would have been all worth it for Trump if he had gotten some of that sweet, sweet war money. But he folded with nothing to show for it. And even some of his strongest supporters are admitting that Trump got owned by Nancy Pelosi, bigly. Broken man, biggest wimp.

Trump just allowed Nancy to walk all over him. It's clear Trump did not come out on top. I'm not going to spin it for you. She has just whipped the President of the United States. In this case, no, no. And to deny it, he is to try to escape from reality. You heard what Lou Dobbs said. If you can't acknowledge that Nancy Pelosi whooped Trump's ass,

then you are not in touch with reality. And honestly, I don't know why Lou Dobbs delivered this message on TV. He could have just posted a sign in the Fox News breakroom. He did not cave. He made a tactical decision, a strategy decision, to pick the ground to fight on. To pick the ground to fight on. To pick the ground. You know, this, I'm sorry, this is unbelievable.

No matter what Trump does, he's always a mastermind who's accomplishing precisely what he wanted to do. Like, if Trump was boxing and he got knocked out cold, like Janine Pirro would be like, brilliant, another strategic consciousness pause by President Trump. You can't get knocked down if you stay on the ground. What is it? But look, if you ignore the stands over at Fox News, it's pretty clear this shutdown was

a political disaster for President Trump. It hurt the economy. It destroyed his approval ratings. And worst of all, he's not getting his wall. And remember, Congress only has three weeks to reach an agreement on border security before the government runs out of money again. But the good news is, the good news is, there probably won't be another shutdown. Because after seeing how bad this shutdown went, like only a true moron would think of shutting down the government again. And no one is that stupid, right?

We begin today with the president's acting chief of staff, Mick Mulvaney. Is the president really prepared to shut down the government government government three weeks? Yeah, I think he actually is. My man! Explore more shows from the Daily Show podcast universe by searching the Daily Show, wherever you get your podcast. Watch the Daily Show weeknights at 11, 10 Central on Comedy Central, and stream full episodes full episodes anytime on Fairmount Plus. This has been a Comedy Central podcast. John Stewart here. Unbelievably exciting news. My new podcast, The Weekly Show. We're going to be talking about the election. Economics, ingredient to bread ratio on sandwiches.

Listen to the weekly show with John Stewart wherever you get your podcast.