The Daily Show: Ears Edition - Haley and Ramaswamy Throw Down at the GOP Debate | Judd Apatow

Episode Date: November 10, 2023

Desi Lydic and Dulcé Sloan join Sarah Silverman to recap Trump's rally and the latest GOP debate, including Nikki Haley and Vivek Ramaswamy's on-stage feud, the candidates' shared love of warmongering, and Tim Scott's girlfriend reveal. And what happens when you give birth to a devil child in a country with a terrible healthcare system? "Rosemary's Co-Pay," coming soon to a hospital near you. Plus, Emmy Award-winning writer, director and producer Judd Apatow discusses what he was up to during the strike, producing the new “Please Don’t Destroy” movie, and what photos he might include in his upcoming book, “Comedy Nerd.”See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

John Stewart here, unbelievably exciting news. My new podcast, The Weekly Show, we're going to be talking about the election, economics, ingredient to bread ratio on sandwiches. Listen to the weekly show with John Stewart, wherever you get your podcast. You're listening that invented news. This is the Daily Show with. I'm Sarah Silverman. It is a big night. The SAG Strike is over. That's a really a show. I'm Sarah Silverman.

It is a big night. The SAG strike is over. That's right. Which means Hollywood can finally get back to what they do best, turning your children gay. Well, we've got a great show for you tonight, so let's get right into the big election news with the Daily Show's Democracy 2024. 2024. Presidential election is less than a year away. Can you even believe it? I know. I'm so excited I wish I was dead.

And last night was a big night for Republican candidates. First, the frontrunner, Donald Trump, took a break from his 6,000 criminal trials to speak at a rally in Florida where he made up a very touching moment. Every time the radical F. Democrats, Marxist, communist, and fascists, indict me. They indicted me, can you believe? My father and mother are looking down, son? How did that happen? We're so proud of you, son. How did that happen? Um, a couple quick corrections.

They never said they were proud of him, and they were definitely not looking down. By the way, am I crazy or is Donald Trump's face melting and congealing all at once? I mean, it was always weird, but now it's so like a sweaty and golden, you know, like, you know how in cartoons, Bugs Bunny would be hungry and suddenly someone's face would turn into a chicken leg? He's right there, you know? God, I'm starving. But while Trump was dealing with his daddy issues, the rest of the GOP field was down the road at a primary debate, and things got pretty fiery right off the bat between Vivek Rameswami and Nikki Healy.

Rameswami repeatedly going after Nick Haley. Do you want a leader from a different generation who's going to put this country first, or do you want Dick Cheney and three-inch heels? Yes, I'd first like to say they're five-inch heels, and I don't wear them unless you can run in them. When asked whether they would support a ban on Tick-Tock, the attacks quickly turned personal. While her own daughter was actually using the app for a long time, so you might want to take care of your family first. Leave my daughter out of your voice.

The next generation of Americans are using it. And that's actually the point. You have her supporters, propping her up, that's fine. Here's the truth. You're just going. The easy answer. Wow, that was so many petty insults. Donald Trump may not have been there, but I believe he was looking down at them and saying, I am so proud of you.

Sure. To be fair, Vivek Ramaswami is really annoying. I mean, I have to admit, he does have big dick energy, but it's only because he's a huge dick. I mean, Nikki Haley was America's top diplomat at the United Nations. She literally kept her cool with the worst dictators in the world and eight minutes on stage with Vivek and she's like, you are a scum. He is so insufferable he should just lean into it you know he should say make me president so I can

annoy our enemies for America. Like he'll have one meeting with Vladimir Putin and 20 minutes later Putin will mysteriously kill himself. He'll be like excuse me I must accidentally fall out window now. Now it wasn't just bickering last night. There was also a lot of substance. The candidates disagreed on whether to keep giving aid to Ukraine, on whether abortion should be left up to the states, and on whether it's possible to be 45 years old and still not know how to smile. But one thing that almost all the candidates agreed on is being horny for war.

I would be telling Bibi finish the job once and for all with these butchers Hamas. The first thing I said to him when it happened was I said finish them. Finish them. I would tell President Biden with great clarity. You have to him when it happened was I said finish them finish them. I would tell President Biden with great clarity you have to strike in Iran. If we are going to deter China from invading Taiwan, the only way we're going to do it is to make sure that they don't know whether how many nuclear submarines from the United States of America are ready to strike on them if they decide to move on Taiwan. I am going to send troops to our southern border. If someone in the drug cartels is sneaking fence and all across the border when I'm present, that's going to be the last thing they do. We're going to shoot them stone cold dead.

I wear heels they're not for a fashion statement, they're for ammunition. Your heels are ammunition? Where do you buy those things? Foot-Glocker? Whatever, it's my last day. It doesn't deserve an applause. It was a terrible joke. But it really seems like these people only know how to do one thing. Their solution is always war. Meanwhile, we need shit fixed here. Do we need to convince you that, like, Iran is putting potholes in the streets for you to fix them them them them their......... their. their. their. their. their, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their tops. tops, tops, toge. toge, t. Do we need to convince you that like

Iran is putting potholes in the streets for you to fix them? Like, oh no, North Korea is aiming a missile at affordable health care. But look, the debate wasn't all about fighting in war. In fact, it ended with a surprising romantic twist. One more fun thing, and we haven't seen this before, Tim Scott's girlfriend, Mindy, was on the stage at the end of the debate. We got to see her for the first time. The reporter's asked, is this the girlfriend? He said yes, and they've been dating for about a year.

So that mystery is over and he took her up on stage, took a couple of pictures, and there's Mindy, Tim Scott's girlfriend. There you go. Oh, it's so sweet. Man, you know, you look for love your whole life and you finally find it with a respectable looking woman just two months before the Iowa caucus. I mean, what are the odds? He really should have just proposed right there, got down on one knee like, Mindy,

would you make my campaign manager the happiest man alive? It's just too bad for Tim that he had to get this non-union actor to play his girlfriend. I mean, if he had just waited one more day for the strike to end, he could have gotten a professional actor fake girlfriend. Honestly, why do we make Tim Scott have to do this? Why can't a single guy be president? I mean, are they worried that the Oval Office is going to be full of like, fight club posters and piss bottles?

For more analysis of last night's debate, we sent not one but two, two correspondents to report on it. So let's go to Desi Leidic and Dulce Slone Lido. Okay, Desi you're in the spin room and Dulce, say, I think we sent you to the debate. Okay, Desi, I think we sent you to the debate hall? No! Why would I go on an all-expenses paid trip to Miami and then go to the debate? Girl, no, I'm trying to live. I was at a bar eating stone crabs doing body shots off a pit bull.

Oh my God, Dul say, that's so funny. I was at a bar eating stone crabs doing body shots off a pit bull. Oh my god, Dulce, that's so funny. I was at a bar doing shots off pit bull. Are you guys sure it was pit bull? No, 20%? No, no. But he was bald in Cuba, so, d'alay! Yeah, but we did just watch the debate five minutes ago on double speed, so ask us anything. Great, great. So first question to both of you, who won the debate?

Easy, Wamoswami. To be that annoying on stage without getting punched in the face, that is a win. Respectfully, I disagree. The real winner last night was Ron DeSantis. For this serial killer to go the whole debate without turning someone into a skin suit, I'm impressed. He is a lot of things, but I do not think he's a serial killer. Oh, so that's just him? Okay.

Moving on, thoughts on Tim Scott and his girlfriend? I don't like it, Sarah. Going official at a presidential debate is too much pressure on a girl. I had a guy run for president once just to impress me and I was like, how about you went in actual state first, then you can take me to Red Lobster, Dennis Kucinich. I don't know who that is. Um, and look, I love seeing this sequel to Get Out, but... I don't care if he is a senator, any 58-year-old man who's never been married, is not a catch. He's a liability.

It's like one of those couches that's been left on the curb. You know, like, it might look good, but he's got bed bugs and all kinds of stuff in them. You gotta think twice before you sit on him. Okay. So what's the big takeaway from the night? Well, honestly for me, I was impressed by the diversity on that stage. All kinds of people coming together to advocate for total war. You know, you had a black man, a South Asian woman, a South Asian man, a short king,

and a piece of shit from New Jersey. Now, my takeaway, I'm accustomed to a president of a certain age. You know, none of these candidates were old enough for the job. You know, I could see them climbing stairs, ride the bike, they can probably choose solid food. Ugh, that's not my president, no. When I look at a president, I want to think, Ooh, are we going to have to call a priest? OK, final question.

Do you think this debate will move the needle for any of these candidates? No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, thi thi thi thi. their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their thii. thi. thi. thiiiii. thiia. thia. thiia. thiiia. thiia. thi. thi. their thi, their thithink this debate will move the needle for any of these candidates? No, no, no, no, no, this ain't good. This ain't good at all, no. No, their greatest hope is to maybe get a new awful nickname from Donald Trump, because that would prove that he knows who they are. Something like, I don't know, tricky, Nikki, or going then? Oh, because the actors were still on strike. We needed something new to watch. I mean, it was either this bullshit or the Golden Bachelor. Ugh.

Ain't nobody trying to see that weird ass man talk to them funny-looking women? Mm-mm. Well, great coverage. As always, Desiletic and do you all say strong in everybody. When we come back and look at the hottest movie of the holiday season, go around. John Stewart here. Unbelievably exciting news. My new podcast, The Weekly Show.

We're going to be talking about the election. John Stewart here, unbelievably exciting news. My new podcast, The Weekly Show. We're going to be talking about the election, economics, ingredient to bread ratio, on sandwiches. Listen to the Galley show. There's a big trend these days of reviving old horror movies like The Exorcist or Scream or the 2020 election. And now a new trailer just dropped for a horror reboot that puts an old classic in modern times.

This winter, True evil will be born. A nomine, vero, evil go. Let this woman give birth to the devil's son. Aperta, po'er, inferni. Open the case of hell! Hail Satan! HAL! HALS A-HALTAN! Knock! Knock!

Knock! Knock! tootho'b! Oh, is that Lithuanian? Before we go any further, who do I talk to about insurance? Leave us, woman, for we have just birthed the son of Satan. Okay, sure, but do you half health insurance? Because we don't even know if your plan is going to cover this.

Do you have a PPO or an HMO or an EPO or? I speak in tongu and I have no idea what you were talking about? I get that a lot. All right, if you're not paying with insurance, let's see, the fee is going to be 35, thi 35, thous, thous, thous, thi, to be 35, to be 35, to be 35, to be 35, to be 35, to be 35, to be 35, to be 35, thous, to be 35, to be $ $ $ $ $ $35, to be $35, to be $35, to be $ $35,000,000,000, to be to be to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to do, to do, to do, to be to be to be to be $ $ $ $ $ $ $ $ $ $ $ $ $ $ $ $ $ $ $ $ $ $ $ $ $ $ $ $3,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000, paying with insurance, let's see the fee is going to be $35,215. Jesus Christ. Shut that baby up. Let me take a look at that bill. Yeah. 9,800 for the O.B. Room, 1176 for the lab fee, then the pharmacy charges are here, here and here, and we charge you for holding the baby. That's actually something we do. 6,800 for imaging? Come on.

Now who's being evil? You are so bad. Listen, until one of you pay is this anti-crisis property of St. Joseph's hospital. Excuse me. There you go. Look at that, he already has teeth. Paramount Pictures Presents. Rosemary's Copay. This is why I wanted to knock up a lady in Toronto.

When you come back, Judd Appette will be joining me on the show if you don't go away. John Stewart here, unbelievably exciting news. My new podcast, The Weekly Show, we're going to be talking about the election, economics, ingredient to bread ratio on sandwiches. Listen to the weekly show with John Stewart, wherever you get your podcast. Welcome back to the Daily Show. My guest tonight is an Emmy winning writer, director, and producer. His latest movie is called Please Don't Destroy the Treasure of Foggy Mountain. Please welcome Jed Appetai. Hello, interviewee. Good to be here with you.

All right, the strike is over. What have you been doing the last 191 days? I was exercising and eating and then I decided to eat without the exercise. I want to get Ozempik. And I want to take it and prove you can gain weight on it. And then I was binging, right? So you're home all the time. You watch all the shows and you binge and then I thought to myself, these are all terrible. We don't deserve a raise. Stop it. Right?

Like, it's not strong enough, it's not strong enough. It's not strong enough. Listen, you directors took the first thing I was thrown at. That's not what we deserve. So please don't destroy. This is the comedy group and they've made this move. Did you write it or director? I was a producer. I'm only here because of the strike. Oh, I know. Yeah. Because the strike, you get the lame guest. You don't get

the star, you get the producer. No one wants the producer. No one wants Darryl Zanek on their show. Who's that? Exactly. Exactly. But it's a very, very funny movie with the guys from Saturday Night Live. Yeah, what's it about? It's about like, okay, there's this guys. There's a, there's like a treasure. And the plot doesn't matter, Sarah. It's funny, it's funny. It's funny. It's all. I'm just on the trailer and I thought it looked kind of Goonies-ish, you know?

Yeah, it's very silly and like, you know, it's what we all need. It's just pure silly. Yeah, oh boy, and these guys, these kids, I mean, come on. But they met in college and what were you doing in college? Well, I went to USC, cinema school. No applause. Usually you say to college and somebody went there and claps, but you know nothing for you. No, zero. And I was not good. I was very young.

I was 17 when I got there. Everyone was much smarter than me. They loved movies more than me. So all my little films were the worst ever. Matt Reeves, the guy who did the Batman, he was in my class and his stuff would look amazing and my stuff was embarrassing. So then I'm like nodded that into it. I win the dating game.

Wait, stop. What? So, you know, I auditioned for the dating game as you do when you're young. And I win a trip to Acopoco. But when you when you have you you you you you you you, when you you, when you you, when you the when you the when you the when you the when you the when you the when you have to when you have the when you have to when you have to when you have to when you have to to to to to to to to to the the to to to to to to to to the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the tho. I was the the tho. I was th. I was th. I was th. I was the. I went tod. I went today trieateateateateateat. I w. I wi. I wi. I wi. I wi. I wi. I'm toen. I'm the. I'm the.trip to Acapoco, but when you have to go was during final. So I had to decide whether or not to get an education or go to Acapoco. Okay, let's go back. Okay, let's go back. Let's go back. That's my...

Okay, let's go back. Okay, all right. Look what I did. Fresh-faced, new-skinned, jihad by the... But there was a picture with... With the ladies, let's go back to the picture of the ladies. She gets to bring a friend for like grapey reasons? We call it.

I think it's a chaperon. Well, then I was right. Kevin Neelan was on the dating game. Yeah, many people. Steve Martin, Peewey Herman. Yeah. They were all, Farah Fawcett's. Really? Yes. Yes.

That's sorry. They're going to go on a YouTube search and find all of this later. So now the strikes over. What are you you the the the their their their. their. tha. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thathea. th. thathea. that. thathea. that. th. that. that. that. that. th. th. th. th. th. th. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. thathe. thate. thate. thate. thate. thate. thate. thate. that. that. that. the. the. the. to. to. to. to. to. I. to. I. to. to do? What's your plan? What are you doing now? Well I started working on a book because I didn't know how long it would last. So I'm putting out a book called Comedy Nerd which is a scrapbook of all my photos and memorabilia from my career. Yeah so I I brought some stuff because I don't know what to put in the book because I I literally have like half a million photos in my phone. th. th. th. the book. the book. the book. the book. th. the book. th. th. th. the book. th. th. th. th. th. I th. th. I th. I's th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm to to to th. I'm th. I'm to to to to to to to the th. I'm the th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm to to to to to the the the the to the the the the the the the to the the to the to the the to be to to to to to the to t. I'm te. I'm te. I'm te. I'm to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to. I te. I to to to put in the book, because I literally have like half a million photos in my phone. So I thought I would show you, and you could tell me if it's bookworthy. Oh, this is so fun. Thank you.

I love it. Here we go. So the first, look who it is. Look who it is. Oh, like. Oh, that. Right, do you remember what that is? I have zero recollection of this. I know it's Larry Sanders. That's the first time I was ever allowed to direct was Larry Sanders' show, and I directed you.

My first scene was you. And what's interesting is you look exactly the same now, and I look like Bernie Sanders. What else did I bring? I think I brought it more. Oh so there's something that was in Gary Shanling's journals. When I did the documentary about Gary Shanling I was able to read his journals. Take this and plant it right into your heart. Give what you didn't get. Give what you didn't get. That's a that's awesome. Yeah. Give what you didn't get. That's awesome.

Yeah. Give what you didn't get. Okay. Love more. So. Love more. But on the flip side of that, you know, he had a big corkboard with all these jokes that he, some of which I don't think he ever tried for obvious reasons.

But this was one joke I just thought was weird that I found on his corkboard. It says, where were you on 9-11? What year I've had 28 bad 9-11s? I don't think you ever tried it, but it was on a corkboard. That's a great one. What else do we have? OK, this is my, this is one of my first jobs ever. That's me in the green shorts. Now, that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's thathea'er. thatheat. that. that. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. that. thatheatheatheatheatheatheatheatheatheatheatheatheat. thatheatheatheat. thatheatheat. that. that. that. I I I I I I I I I I I. th. th. th. I. I's th. th. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. It's was. It's was. th. th. It's was was. It's was. It's was was. It's was th. It's was. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's that. It's th one of my first jobs ever. That's me in the green shorts. Now that's Paul Simon, live in Central Park,

pre-game show for HBO with Dennis Miller right there. Okay. And, the audience doesn't know what they're doing. But, but, it had one of the first jokes I wrote for someone else, I've always been very proud of which is Dennis Riller said Paul Simon's gonna be here pretty soon with the 38 musicians from around the world it took to replace art That's a great that's solid Shut up to tell everybody please don't describe it everybody please don't destroy the first one of the first four minutes are available

on the Ptoock and Universal YouTube sites now. We will take the first break but we will be right back after this. That was so fast. John Stewart here. Unbelievably exciting news. My new podcast, The Weekly Show. We're gonna be talking about the election, economics, ingredient to bread ratio on sandwiches.

Listen to the weekly show with John Stewart, wherever you get your podcast. I will come to the end of this show tonight and my time year as host, but you can catch me on the Sarah Suggler's Podcast, the blue episodes every Thursday, and check out my special, someone you love on Max, or you could get the album, or it's on streaming, or whatever the f-f. Stay tuned next week when your host is the amazing Leslie Jones, go Sparks. Explore more shows from the Daily Shows from searching the Daily Show, wherever you get your podcasts. Watch the Daily Show weeknights at 11, 10 Central on Comedy Central and stream full episodes any time on Fairmount Plus.

This has been a Comedy Central podcast. John Stewart here. Unbelievably exciting news. My new podcast, The Weekly Show. We're going to be talking about the election, economics, ingredient to bread ratio on sandwiches. Listen to the weekly show with John Stewart, wherever you get your podcast.