The Daily Show: Ears Edition - Hasan Minhaj and Ronny Chieng Roast The S**t Out of Each Other

Episode Date: March 4, 2023

A conversation between Hasan Minhaj and Ronny Chieng about COVID-19 goes off the rails and devolves into an epic roast battle.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

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egos and accounts of the extraordinary power of decency. Listen on the I-Heart radio app, Apple podcasts, or wherever you listen to podcasts. You're listening to Comedy Central. Let's get right into it. Where did COVID come from? Tell us! What the fuck? How the fuck I know? Why are you asking me, by the way, I didn't do it? We could be talking about the debt ceiling or racist Dilver, but of course you want a pigeonhole the Asian guy to do the COVID story? Yes? Yes..... W. W. W. W. W. W. W. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the the the the the the the to to to to to to to to to to to to to. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. to. You. to. to. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the thi. the the. the the the the the the the the the the the the the. I the the the the. I to to to to the ceiling or racist Dilbert, but of course you want to pigeonhold the Asian guy to do the COVID story. Yes, yes, yes, I'm going to pigeonhole you. You want to know why, Rani? Because when I was a correspondent, I was pigeonholed. My hole was pigeoned constantly. That's disgusting. Yeah, it was. Anytime there was a subway bombing, they went to the Muslim guy, as if I'm on group chat

with ISIS. My most viral clip on this show was a photo of me wearing a hijab next to John Stewart. You understand? So yeah, the Asian guy has to cover the Asian story and it has to be funny and it has to be deemed comedically acceptable by Vulture.com. Go. Okay, first of all, Feech, Vulture. All right?

And second of all, why don't you talk about it? You're the expert in lecturing us about the world despite never having left America, right? Aren't you Asian, you too, you talk about it. No, no, no, no. You said it yourself, Ronnie. You said it right here on this show. That Indians were not real Asians. Why don't you roll the tape? Let's be clear. Indians are not Asian.

Okay. I love how Indians try to have it both ways. Like being Indian and Asian, pick a lane. I brought receipts, mother-of-feeck. Okay, well, yeah. How about you keep your receipts over with your 50-air Jordan shoeboxes, all right? Yeah, I said it. You didn't have to roll the tape, because I'll say it again right. Indians are not Asians. And by the way, I'm more than just Asian, all right? I also live in Australia. So why don't you ask, ask, ask, ask, ask, ask, ask, ask, ask, ask, ask, ask, ask, ask, ask, ask, ask, ask, ask, ask, ask, ask, ask, ask, ask, ask, ask, ask, ask, ask, ask, ask, ask, ask, ask, ask, ask, ask, ask, ask, ask, ask, ask, ask, ask, ask, ask, th, th th th. So, th, th, so th, so to to their, so their, so their, so their, so their, so their, so their, so their, so their, so their, so their, so their, so their, so their, so their, their, their, their, their, their their their their their their their their to to their to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to their their glad you asked. Well, there's red giant kangaroos and then there's gray ones.

And the red ones can jump 10 feet high and they have claws and can rip your dick off through your jeans. No one gets the shit about kangaroos. Okay, stop talking like an angry snapple cap. You don't decide what not your token Asian guy. I'm in movies now. I was in Megan. Oh, oh, oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, you were in the movie Megan in the theaters right now? Hey, what was your role in Megan? I played a token Asian guy in the tech company, but it was satire. It was satire. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. That's. That's, that's, that's, that's that's, that's, that's, that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's th, okay, okay, okay, I's th, okay, I's, I'm, I'm, I'm not, I'm not, I'm, I'm, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, thi. I'm not, thi, thi. I'm not, thi. I'm not, thi. I'm not, thi. I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I plead the token Asian guy in the tech company, but it was satire. It was satire. Oh, that's weird because I could have sworn that I'm your boss right now because it says my name on the desk. It says the Daily Show with Hassan Minhaj which, by the way, that's my real name, Ronnie Chang. What's I'm Ronnie- Ronnie is also my real name, you idiot.

It's on my birth certificate. Or should I be like you and get a name that you refuse to spell phonetically, and then when everyone mispronounces it, you cry to Ellen. Oh, oh, it's spelled her son, and they called me her son. Ah, yeah, yeah, I'm so apped, fine, Ronnie, fine, Ronnie, fine, yeah, I express some emotion. I showed some vulnerability, unlike you.

I showed some other emotion besides anger. It's something you might not be familiar with. Oh, no, no, no, I know you know all about anger. You love a job where you can rage about evil corporations in America, but as soon as the NBA reaches out about the celebrity all, stop it, come on. Stop, stop this. Stop, you f-stop it right now. We can't be fighting like this. There's white people here. How are we going to stop Asian hate if we hate each other?

Oh, you're right. I'm sorry, I'm just slashing out because I actually love the daily show and I'm scared you're going to get it canceled like your Netflix show, whatever it was called. It's called Patriot. It doesn't matter, okay? Because despite our differences, you're right, we do have a bigger responsibility to the Asians and the Asians watching this because when we fight the white people win and we can't have that. Exactly. We got to bring this segment home. So let's each say something nice about each other and show some emotional growth. What are you serious? I'm dead serious. F.

All right. growth. What are you serious? I'm dead serious. Fee-feek! All right. Hassan, you're good at managing hair. Your energy is not always annoying. And, you know, I've seen you at the Daily Show grow to become this force of nature, and I'm actually really happy that you're hosting this week. I think it's really good... Shut up, everybody, shut up.

Thank you, Ronnie, and I just want to say, um... I want to take this moment to tell you... We're out of time. Ronnie Chang, everyone. Explore more shows from the Daily Show podcast universe by searching The Daily Show, wherever you get your podcast. Watch the Daily Show weeknights at 11, 10 Central on Comedy Central and stream full episodes any time on Fairmount Plus.

This has been a Comedy Central podcast. Do Nice Guys Really Finish Last. I'm Tim Harford, host of the Cautionary Tales podcast, and I'm exploring that very question. Join me for my new mini-series on the Art of Fairness. From New York to Tahiti will examine villains undone by their villainy. Monstrous, self-devaring egos and accounts of the ex-farowns of the exi-f-m-and.. their their their their their their their their their their their their their th. Doe, thi. Doe, thi. Doe, thi, thi, thi, thg. Doe, do th. Doc-I th. Do. Do I thi, do th. Do I'm th. Do th. Do th. Do th. Do I th. Do I th. Do, do th. Do, do th. Do, do th. Do, do th. Do, do th. Do, do th. Do, do th. Do, do th. Do, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi. Do, thi. Do, thi. Do I thi. Do I'm thi. Do thi. Do the. Do theume. Do theume. Do theume. Do thi. Do the. Do the. Do thi. Do, thi. Do, thi of Fairness. From New York to Tahiti will examine villains undone by their villainy. Monstrous self-devaring egos and accounts of the extraordinary power of decency. Listen on the IHart Radio app, Apple podcasts, or wherever you listen to podcasts.