The Daily Show: Ears Edition - Hot Dogs, Travel, and Fireworks: Happy Independence Day!

Episode Date: July 4, 2023

America rings in the 4th of July with achievements in space exploration and competitive eating, Trevor and Roy share their best tips for avoiding holiday traffic, and Dave Attell doesn't agree with the government's restrictions on firework displays. Also, Dulce Sloan unpacks the complicated relationship Black Americans have with Independence Day and Ronny Chieng breaks down the dangers of fireworks.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

You're listening to Comedy Central. Happy belated 4th of July, everyone. I hope you had an amazing weekend because mine truly was. I actually got asked to join Taylor Sriff's squad. Yeah. She gives you the flag bikini when she sends the text. So, that was really cool. And what a great holiday though, you know?

Getting the day off, celebrating independence. It was the perfect time for America to achieve something historic. And Joey Jaws Chestnut has upset Matt Stoney to regain the championship title at the annual July 4th Hot Dog eating contest at Coney Island. Just met down 70 hot dogs and buns in 10 minutes. 70 hotdogs and buns. 70 hotdogs and buns! 70! Do you guys order it?

Do you know how many hot dogs the winner ate in 1980? Do you know me? Nine. Nine was enough to win you the title. Today, that's the average customer order, my friends. And what has changed? Not the human body, but man's will and determination. That's what makes America so great. An appetite for innovation in every realm. I mean, I'm jealous.

We don't have eating contests in Africa. We don't. If you have food, you've already won. It's as simple as that. It's, it's, it's, it's like, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, th, th, th, th, thi. thi. thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, tho, the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the thi, the thi, thi, the thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thin, thin, thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi simple as that. It's just that. It's like, hey, you, do you have hot dogs? Then you are the winner. Let's check in on the traffic with our very own. Roywood Jr. everybody. Oh yeah.

Oh yeah. What's up, man? What's going? So, what's happening with the traffic, Roy? I don't even think we need to talk about today's traffic. You never want to talk about the traffic, Roy. No, I do. I do want to talk about the weekend traffic.

That's going to be. that's going to be wherever the traffic ain't. That's where you need to be. I'm sorry, what? Yeah, look, I just want to give people a couple of tips. I just want to give people a few tips on how to deal with the holiday traffic. Oh, like which roads to go on and like that? We already know the basics, right? We already know if you stuck on the freeway the way, you, you, you, you, you, you, the the the the the to, to, and, and, and, and, the to, and, the to, to, t, t, t, t, t, t, t, t, to, to, to, their, the, to, tip, tip, the the to the to to to people, to to people, to, to, tip, tip, tip, tip, tip, tip, tip, tip, tip, tip, tip, tip, tip, tip, tip, tip, tip, tip, tip, tip, tip, tip, tip, tip, tip, tip, tip, tip, tip, tip, tip, tip, tip, tip, tip, tip, tip, tips, tips, tips, tips, tips, blow up the sex dolls and you put the sex dolls in the carpool lane. If you got a rental car, you get the coverage, you bulldoze people out the way. And those, those are the bread and butter.

But this traffic, fourth of July traffic, it's going to be crazy. We got to level up. You stuck in traffic right now. in like a fire or a heart attack or an emergency up the street where you're trying to go and then follow the ambulance to wherever you need to go. You just follow the ambulance. That sounds crazy to me. That's, I got that from Die Hard 3. It's a great movie.

A lot of good traffic tips in that movie. Like, you just, that only works for a couple of miles. You know, if you're try try try try to to to to to to to to to the thi, if you're the thi, thi, thi, thi, the thi, thi, the thi, thi, the thi, you're just the the the a the a the a the a to just the a the a the a the a the a the a the a the a the a the a the a the a the a the a the a the a the a the a the a the a the a the a the a the a the a the a the a the a the a the a the a the a the a the a the a the a the a the a the a the a the a tho, you're just just just just just just just just to just tooma.ooma.a.a.a.a, you're just just just just just just, ta.a.a.a.a.a.a.a.a.a.a. too, you just just just to just to to to go somewhere far, you have to call in eight, nine tragedies to get the way you're going. So if you're trying to get far, it's got to be bigger than dealing with traffic. You got to avoid traffic altogether, Trevor. How do you do? You got to avoid traffic all together. Everybody talks about, you know, the best way to avoid trav. to avoid to avoid traffic to avoid traffic to avoid traffic traffic traffic traffic traffic traffic traffic traffic traffic traffic traffic traffic traffic traffic to avoid traffic traffic. to avoid traffic. to leave to avoid to leave to leave to avoid to leave traffic. to leave traffic is to leave to leave to leave to leave to leave to leave to leave to leave to leave to leave to leave to leave early. to leave to leave to leave to leave to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be. to be. to be. to be. to be. to be. to be. to be. to be. to be. to be. to be. trai. trai. traffic. traffic. traffic. thea. thea. thea. thea. thea. thea. thea. thea. thea. thea. thea. thea. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. like like 8 p.m. 9 p.m. I'm talking about for July 4th travel you should leave July 10th. Leave late. Leave late. Yeah, but then you miss the traffic but you also miss the traffic but you also miss the traffic but you also missed July 4th like a car for three and a half hours. You miss the traffic too, that's the beauty of that.

But you miss July 4th? What are you missing with July 4th? What are you missing? What are you missing? What do you miss? What do you live with the hot dogs? What's a hot dog? This is a hot dog and a try to thi. It's just a reason to do what we was already doing. People was popping fireworks in the hood, but I grew up all the time. Fireworks and barbecue is a regular occurrence. You know, no. This is not something new, man. Okay, missed July 4th, to escape July 4th traffic.

All right, that's, that's a tip. It's a damn good tip. I don't like the judgment in your face right now. I'm not judging you, I just think it's weird. All right. I'm just, but I'm, look, it's just important over the holiday weekend that you stay safe. You know what I'm saying? Stay safe. You do your best to obey the speed limit.

If you feel yourself drowsy, pull over. Do not drive. Kids got to kick in and they got to pull their weight. So you let them kids drive. Yeah, but that's illegal. If you just get in the back seat, get you some sleep. You got them sex dolls back there anyway, you can cut it up. Roy, that's illegal. That's a crime. That's. that's, that's, that's, that's, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. their. their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their their their their their their their their their their their their their kids, their kids, their kids, their kids, their kids, their kids, their kids their their their their their their their their. Kids. Kids. Kids. Kids. Kids. Kids. Kids. Kids. Kids. Kids. Kids. Kids. Kids. Kids. Kids. Kids. Kids. Kids. Kids. Kids. Kids. Kids. Kids. Kids. Kids. Kids. Kids. Kids. Kids. Kids. Kids. Kids. Kids. Kids. Kids. Kids. Kids, th. Kids, th. Kids, th. Kids, th. Kids, th. Kids, th. Kids, th. Kids, th. Kids, th. Kids, th. Kids, th. Kids, they's got, th. Kids, they's got th. Kids, they're their record when they're 18. There ain't nobody tripping on no kid hitting a couple. So what, your six-year-old side swiped a couple cars. Don't nobody care? They didn't seal the records. I'll teach about that later. Well, these are some fantastic tips.

Were you ever, anything else? Anything? You know what, man? I got to, 4th of July. And I think my son just pulled up. I gotta... My son driving me. How old is your son, Roy? Eight?

You know what? You can reach the pedals, though. He can reach the pedals, though. No news show would be complete without a commentator who provides gentle insight into the heart of the American experience. That's why we have the Obey Award winning Dave Atel. Thanks John. Well this week marks the birth of a very special lady. She's over 200 years old, a little dirty, rarely speaks

English, but is no stranger to violence. No, I'm not talking about Farrah Fawcett. I'm talking about America, the 4th of July, the birth of our great nation. Now for some people, Independence Day is nothing more than a movie where Will Smith saves the world by not singing. Well, to me it's about fireworks. But the feds, they're they're they're they're they're the the the the the the the th. th. th. thiiiiii. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. I'm thi. I'm thi. I's thi, thi. I'm thi. I'm thi. I'm th. I'm th. I's, th. I's, th. I's, th. I's, th. I's, th. I's, th. I's, th. I's, th. I's, th. I's th. I's th. I's th. I's the the the the the the the the the the the th. I's thin. I's thin. that, that, that, that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that the the the the the by not singing. Well, to me it's about fireworks. But the feds, they're trying to restrict the firework displays, and I say that's wrong. Dave, if I may interrupt, after a series of accidents, authorities are just trying to create some safety measures. Oh, really?

Well, yank my doodle, it's a dandy. Who never had a good time with a firework. Come on, raise your hook hand up in the air. Fireworks are great, especially for the kids. They get training for sounds and colors. They were ladled experienced during drug experiences and they keep the fraud population in check. The list goes on and on, John. That's very nice, Dave. Now, very experienced of you, Dave. Aren't there safer fireworks available? I mean, sparklers, for instance, are both safe and enjoyable, if you will.

Now you got it. Okay, good point, Lady Liberty. Sparklers are the gay cousin of the firework family. Come on. We're celebrating the country's independence, not your office temp's birthday party at a TGI Fridays. Thanks, Stewart. Okay, Regis. Are you telling me that the best part of 4th of July are explosive fireworks? Nobody likes a suck up, but I think you got it. Yes. Fireworks. I think other lame holidays

should have them too, like Groundhog Day. Throw a couple of M80s in there, right? That little bug will be coming out, early spring. Or Thanksgiving, come on, Grandma'll get to the point a little quicker, staring down the business end of a Roman candle. Fourth of July without fireworks is like Christmas without a tree, or the Puerto Rican Day without a video camera, or Valentine's Day without a hooker. That's right.

Happy birthday, America. I'll be in the van. Happy birthday to you, Dave. We'll be right back after this. July 4th, it's that glorious day when we celebrate America's independence in Great Britain. And it's also my birthday. I said it's my birthday. And if y'all give me donuts again, I'm going to hurt somebody. But despite that, there are black folks out there who have a complicated relationship

with the 4th of July. You know, because of all the slavery and segregation and redlining and belief brutality, and Megan the Stallion not getting the respect she deserves. And I get that. But did you know that there was a time when July 4th was a very black holiday? In fact, there was a time when America thought black people celebrated July 4th a little too much.??............. to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, fact, there was a time when America thought black people celebrated July 4th a little too much. Here's the story. Before the Civil War, Independence Day was a day for white people to celebrate by parading around town and getting wasted on cheap booze. It was basically a Patriots for the original Patriots. But for the growing

anti-slavery movement, July 4th was a shameful day that represented America's hypocrisy because how you're gonna celebrate freedom when you're chaining up millions of people? That's like Britney Spears' dad throwing a party because he can write his own checks. And no one expressed this anger better than Frederick Douglas in a speech he gave on July 4th, 1852, where he told white Americans that, the existence

of slavery in this country brands your republicanism as a sham, your humanity as a lie. Damn. That was a read straight from the Library of Congress. I would have been like, yeah, and your wigs look goofy as f-feeck, your petticoat smell like horseballs, and your wood teeth got termites. Mm-hmm, but your old dying of consumption ass. Mm-hmm. I know Gout when I see it. But then the civil war happened.

Ooh, and it completely flipped the script on July 4th, especially in the South. Because now, black people can actually thoom, tham, tham, tham, th and th and tham, th and th and thiouou… th and th and th and th and th and thi, thi, th and thi, thi, thin, thin, thin, like thin, like thin, like thin, like thi, like thin, thin, thoom, thoom, thoom, thoom, thoom, their their their their their their their their their their th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, tooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooom. thooooom. thi, than, th South, because now black people can actually celebrate freedom. And white Southerners were in no mood to celebrate the Independence Day of a country that had just whooped their asses. So suddenly, Independence Day became an almost exclusively black holiday in the former Confederacy. Black people had picnics, they watched fireworks, they recited the Emancipation Proclamation in the 13th Amendment, which sounds like fun, except for reading all those documents. I don't know, maybe if they put like a beat to it or something. Neither slavery, no involuntary servitude except this punishment for crimes were of, the

party shall dowily, convicted, shall exist within the United States. Now it's no surprise that racist whites didn't like black people celebrating their freedom from racist whites, so they decided the party had to stop. Starting in the 1870s, white mobs began attacking black gatherings on July 4th, and soon state legislatures passed laws banning celebrations near black neighborhoods, pushing parades out of city limits, and even forbidding street fenders from setting up food stalls in black areas. Do you know how racist you have to be to want less funnel cake? Basically these racist raw bakers were the original barbecue becky. And stopping black celebrations with just one part of their century-long struggle against

black freedom and racial justice. So I don't know about you, but this July 4th I'll be celebrating Independence Day as hard as I celebrate Juneteen as a day of freedom for all Americans. Not just because it's fun, but also because I get to piss off all those dead racist watching from hell. And also because it's my birthday. Now give me all that fun of cake. Happy Independence Day everybody! M-Mu-Mu! M-N-M-C-M-Doh! It's the 4th of July, that time of year when Americans who don't watch MSNBC celebrate the nation's birthday. But no matter who you are, every American loves to celebrate in the stupidest way possible.

By blowing shit up. Yeah, I'm talking about fireworks. It's a tradition that goes back to when the founding fathers filled the Liberty Bell with M80s, which is how it got that crack. Look it up. But believe it or not, setting off bombs for fun can also be dangerous. And most people are too stupid to realize it. According to the CPSC in 2018 more than 9,000 were injured in fireworks related incidents the majority in a 30-day period around July 4 the UPMC Mercy Burn Center the Burn Prevention Network and the

city of Pittsburgh partnered up to show just how dangerous fireworks can really be. Three, two, one. Watch what happens to this child mannequin who's holding mortar rounds, the kind of mortar rounds you can buy at a firework stand in many states. Watch what happens when we light the fuse. Takes about six seconds for him to get out of the way, and the blast can be significant.

Okay, look, if little Timmy over here is dumb enough to take fireworks to his hands, then he probably wasn't gonna survive that long anyway. But he's not alone. Fireworks are basically a trap that humans fall for every year. It seems like a great idea. Oh wow, colors in the sky. Next thing you know you're learning how to brush your teeth with your feet. By the way, can we leave watermelons out of this? I feel like half the global crop gets wasted on these stupid safety videos. I mean if you're going to blow up a fruit, at least do the world of favor and go with a honeydew. That shit's disgusting. Now it would be bad enough if people were just burning themselves with fireworks, but part of this tradition is burning everything else too.

Fireworks season is the most stressful for firefighters. According to the most recent data from the National Fire Protection Association, fireworks were to blame for an estimated 19,500 fires reported at local fire departments nationwide in 2018. The National Safety Council says fireworks are to blame. Forget this, more than 18,000 acres worth of wildfires each year, including 1,300 structure fires, and nearly 17,000 other fires.

And the Department of Forestry and Fire Management goes so far to say fireworks should never be used, regardless of the time of year. Okay, you know your celebration of America is stupid when it looks exactly like a terrorist attack on America. There shouldn't be this much overlap between an ISIS operation and your family barbecue. Fireworks are causing 18,000 acres of wildfires every year.

That's messed up for the environment and it's also not fair, okay? No way I'm going to keep drinking through a paper straw or some guy's Roman candle is burning down the last redwood tree. And the thing about fireworks is that even when they work like they're supposed to, they're basically tortured devices for the only things stupid................ And, toa, toe, toe, toe, toe, toe, toe, toe, toe, toe, toe, toe, toe, toe, toe, toe, toe, toe, toe, toe, toe, toe, toe, toe, toa, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, toe, toe, to, the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the their, their, their, their, their, their, their, they, theyy, theyymea, theyymea, toease, toease, toe, toe, toe, toe, toe, they, they, they supposed to, they're basically tortured devices for the only things stupider than humans. Dogs. This 4th of July holiday, roughly one pound of fireworks will be set off for every man, woman, and child in America. And around the country, there will be thousands of dogs freaking out. The sounds of the explosions and the vibrations can really spook your pooch.

We found videos all over social media of dogs freaking out. This giant pooch is terrified by loud fireworks and needs to be cuddled to calm down. This poor little guy found a strange place to hide, climbing into the fridge. Are you afraid of the fireworks? A similar scene at this household as a dog finds sanctuary in the dryer. Good luck in that fire, though fireworks are scary, way until finds sanctuary in the dryer. Good luck in the Fido. If you think fireworks are scary, way until someone bumps into the permanent press button.

But look at what fireworks have done to our dogs. These things used to be wolves and now they're in therapy. And if you think I'm exaggerating, look at this. Todd hates fireworks. Almost as much as Max hates fireworks. Adaptil is clinically proven to help dogs cope around fireworks time. Find out more at Adaptile.com. Yeah, they had to put actual pharmaceutical research into solving canine firework anxiety. We could have had a cure for cancer by now if you want launching service to air missiles in your backyard.

And as much as this is messing with dogs, who I really feel bad for is birds. Dogs are getting designer drugs to help them relax. Meanwhile, birds are up in the sky dodging rainbow balls of fire and nobody gives us shit because they can't play fetch. So fireworks are dangerous, they're destructive and they're ruining our dogs. But luckily, there's one piece of good news this fourth of July. America's facing yet another shortage. This one might affect your fourth of July. The fireworks industry is warning the supply ahead of Independence Day

will be down about 30% because of supply chain issues. Shoppers can expect a more limited selection, higher prices, or empty shelves. Thank you, broken supply chain. I know you finally pay off one day. All those months of wiping my ass with printer paper were worth it. So yeah, fewer morons than usual will be able to buy fireworks this year and the ones that do will be paying extra for the opportunity to blow the fingers off. And if you ask me, that's something worth celebrating. Oh, shut the fuck up!

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