The Daily Show: Ears Edition - How Politics Affects Online Dating & Relationships | Beyond the Scenes

Episode Date: April 17, 2023

How does political polarization impact online dating and relationships? Host Roy Wood Jr. sits down with journalist and co-host of The Man Enough podcast, Liz Plank, and chief science advisor for Match.com, Dr. Helen Fisher, to chat about when to bring up politics in dating, how the fall of Roe v. Wade changed people’s dating habits, and how someone in an inter-political relationship can make it work. They even offer their own advice for those looking for love! Beyond the Scenes is a podcast from The Daily Show. Listen to new episodes every Tuesday wherever you get your podcasts, or watch at YouTube.com/TheDaily Show See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

You're listening to Comedy Central. Hey, what's up here's edition listener? It's Roy Wood Jr. Correspondent for the Daily Show. You're about to hear an episode of one of our original Daily Show today's podcast, beyond the scenes. It's the show where we dive deeper into segments and topics that originally aired on the Daily Show, and we chat with the show's writers and producers and experts. This week, we're talking about about about about about about about about about about about about about about about about about about about about about about about about about about about about about about about about about about about about about about about about about about about about about about about about about about about about about about about about the the the the the the the the their the show's writers and producers and experts. This week we're talking about interpolitical dating and how politics impact online dating and relationships. This episode features the co-host of the Man Enough podcast, Liz Plank, and chief science advisor for

Match. Dr. Helen Fisher. We chat about when to bring up politics and dating, how the fall of Roe v. Wade changed people's dating habits and how someone in an interpolitical relationship can make it work. It's a fun one. And if you like the show, check out the Beyond the Scenes podcast, wherever you get podcast. Same place you got the podcast that goes deeper into topics and segments that originally aired on the Daily Show. This is what you got to think of this podcast.

This podcast is basically a box of chocolates, right? You don't know what you're going to get. But we got it all, baby. We got the chocolate, we got the butter cream, we got that weird one with the sprinkles. We even got that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that's that's that's that's that that that the the almonds, we got that weird one with the sprinkles, we even got that coconut one that nobody likes, nobody likes coconut. I'm talking to you, almond joy. That's what this podcast is. I'm Roywood Jr. and speaking of chocolates, happy Valentine's Day. And we thought for Valentine's Day, it would be a good opportunity to talk about love in the time of politics and whether those who tho the aisle could ever walk down the aisle... to to to to to to to to to to the to the to to the to the to to the to to the to to the to the to to to to to to the to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to al.. al. al. al. al. al. al. al. al. al the al. the the the the the the the the the the the the al. I I I I I I I I I al. I'm al. I'm talk talk talk talk talk talk about talk about talk about talk about talk about talk about al al al al al al al al talk talk al al talk talking al al al. I'm al politics and whether those who date across the aisle could ever walk down the

aisle. To talk a little bit more about this topic, I'm joined by journalists and co-host of the Man Enough podcast, an author of the book for the Love of Men, Liz, Plank. Liz, welcome to Beyond the Scenes. Thank you for having me. What an honor. Well, thank you so much. I'm sorry if my to say the the the the the the the thic, thiiii and thi and thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thate, that, that, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, Well, thank you so much. I'm sorry if my candy rent and I didn't mean to scare anybody. I agree. I'm glad someone's talking about it. Coconut has no place in chocolate. It just doesn't. Also joining us for this

wonderful conversation is anthropologist, senior research fellow at the Kinsey Institute and chief science advisor for Match.com, Dr. Helen Fisher, Dr. Helen, welcome to be on the scenes. Roy, I'm delighted to be with you. Thank you. Do you like coconut in your chocolate? Let's just start with the real issues here. I was going to start out. I can do it, but it's not my favorite.

I also like the white chocolate. Oh, absolutely. But you can get too much of it, it's intense. Yeah, I can do them all. I can do a whole box right off the bat. Too bad. Now, Dr. Fisher, I want to start with you. How has politics impacted our dating culture? And amongst daters, what are you seeing, you know, in your research now? Well, of course, you know, I'm seeing a lot, only because I've been doing this study with Match.com for like 12 years. So every year we collect data on 5,000 singles, so I now have data on 60,000 singles. We do not poll the match members.

This is a national representative sample of singles based on the U.S. Census. So we've been asking about politics every other year for the whole 12 years. And as it turns out, you know, in 2015, 78% of singles would date somebody across the aisle. 2017, it reduced to 72% by 2019, only about 50% would go out with somebody on the other side of the aisle. And they basically say now, they're moving away from the center, they care more about politics, and they want somebody to share their views with 76% say they want to share their views with their partner. In spite of that, Roy, uh, 46% today, our last study was in 2022, just a few months ago, 46% had actually gone out with somebody with very different political views. 48% actually believe you can fall in love with somebody who has very different political views and one third

of singles have actually fallen in love with somebody from across the aisle. So Cupid beats politics. I think what's interesting about that is that sometimes you don't know when you're dating somebody that's across the aisle. That's exactly right. You did a zig and then you get together and then the next thing you know you had had four kids and find out that zig as a zag and it's like, no I thought we were zicking together. Like, no, I voted Zag in the last election. Well, you know, I asked Singles about that very thing. When do you want to know?

And 24% today want to know before the first date. But 98% want to know before it gets serious. Yeah, because it's a real part of a partnership and if there's problems there, there's going to be problems that'll stick around. Yeah, I think it's interesting though because so many things come down to, I believe voting to be something where you're either voting for yourself or you're voting for the public. And it's a matter of do your interests supersede the interests of the union in the sense of like let's just say public school versus private school and you know, things, th. thi. th. thi, thi, the, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi's thi, thi, thi, thi's thi's thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi's a thi's a thi's a thi's a thi's a thi's a thi's thi's thi's thii's thi's thi's thi's say public school versus private school and, you know, things of those matters. And a lot of these things that we thought weren't issues for us, don't become issues until you have a real relationship.

And you start dealing with money problems, and then, okay, yeah, let's have a real discussion about health care and housing and where to live and what's the best method of transportation. Liz, you were in the piece that we did on this and you had said that you would never date a Republican. Now, is what the good doctor saying true? And we set you on a date with one anyway and just talk to us a little bit. What was that experience like going on a date with the Republican? And since the segment that you were a part of, how have your views on dating evolved? Yeah, only for the Daily Show would I've gone on a date, on a blind date with a Republican back then, which I think was like 2014,

20, 2015? We set up two of our panelists, one Democrat and one, and toe, and toe, toe, toe, toe, toe, toe, toe, toe, toe, toe, toe, toe, toe, toe, toe, toe, toe, toe, toe, toe, toe, toe, and toe, and toe, toe, and toe, and toe, and toe, and toe, and toe, and toe, and toe, and to to toe, and toe, and I's, and I's, and I's, and I, and I, and I, and I, and I, and I......... And, and I, and I I, and I, thi. And, thi. And, thi. And, thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. the?a. thean, thean, thean, toean, toean, thean, thean, thean, toean, toean, thi. thi. of our panelists, one Democrat and one Republican, on a day. I grew up in California until it was about 15 and then moved to Arizona. Cool. How long have you been in New York? I've been here two and a half years now? How about you? I've been in New York for two years now. It was a catastrophe. This couldn't be. They were conversing like regular people. I really like this place. The atmosphere is really nice. Yeah, I do like the atmosphere. Atmosphere?

Atmosphere? Hey, do you know how many particles of CO2 were released into the atmosphere in 2014? Tell them about it. Right. You're missing so many opportunities here. So this was, you know, pre-Trump, and let's be honest. I think Trump made politics more mainstream, made them more extreme, and so it became harder not to discuss politics, and it became harder not to have an opinion.

And so I, in many ways, I think it got worse in the few years since I've done that segment. And I would say since the pandemic, I feel like politics matters a little bit less. And I actually think that it's because we're more polarized because now Democrats also hate Democrats. And Republicans also hate Republicans. Like we all are a little bit annoyed with the way that government is functioning. We all feel like it should be a lot more productive, that things should be working better. I think people are seeking to have conversations that change their minds. Like I feel like a few years ago I was

afraid to have those conversations and I think now I'm actually interested in in talking to someone who has different information than me, who has different information from, you know, the bubble that I live in. But, but that's th, I's th, I's th, I's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's just that's just that's just that's just that's just that's just that's just th, th, that's just that's just thi, thi, thi, I'm thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi people, thi people, thi people, thi people, thi people, thi people, thi people, thi people, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thii. thi. thii. thiiii. thii. thi. thi. th information than me, who has different information from the bubble that I live in. But that's just me. But apparently it's reflected in the data as well. But the question also becomes, where the hell did they get that information from? Because you've got different information, but where the hell do you be scrolling through the internet? I honestly feel like your search history should be the first thing you send to somebody before going on a first date. That's a good one.

Let's flip the script. Has anybody ever just canceled a date on you? They're like, you know what? I don't like you be talking a little too much of that feminism. I think I saw you at the women's march in 2018. Let me unmatch from your ass. Has anything like that ever that's that's that's that's. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I that's. I'm. I'm. did that feel? How did that feel? Yeah, well, that's a great question. It did happen to me.

And this guy, so I met this guy last summer. Someone introduced us, and I was like, oh, I feel like I've met you before. And he was like, yeah, we matched on this dating app. But when I saw the title of your book, I unmateded, I unmat, I th, I th, I th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, th, th, th, th, le of your book, I unmatched you. And you know, because I write about masculinity. I write a lot about women's rights and gender. And my response was to say, oh, well, I'm glad you unmatched me because you don't have thick skin enough to date me. Like, basically, you did both of us a favor by unmatching. But obviously, I was annoyed.

And I thought about why I was was annoyed right and part of it is is yeah realizing like wow we're kind of living in different times and and this happened two years ago again when I think a lot of men were afraid of the Me Too movement and were some men thought that this had gone too far and again I think some of that... What I can't just compliment your luscious body at the job? Is that wrong? Exactly, exactly. But in a way, again, for me, it just saves time and it kind of weeds them out.

But yes, it does happen. And I feel like it, you know, it happens to a lot of women. That's why maybe a lot more people are putting their political affiliation, either in their photos photos, thoes, thoes, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, thi, thi, tho, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, to to to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi.ei. thi. tooooooooooooooooooooooooooo. And, toe, to, thi photos, you know, they're kind of like waving the flag or putting their pronouns in their bio, stuff like that to just kind of signal where they stand. I just want to respond a little bit because, you know, she said now she wants to listen more to the other side. That's exactly what happening. Fifty-eight percent of signals that they say they want, it's a deal breaker if a possible partner can't be open-minded about key issues. And I really do think, I think that Liz is correct, that we are swinging away from the hardliners that both sides have, you know, I mean, Democrats have problems with Democrats, Republicans,

et cetera, and singles, which is one-third of the population in America just about, do want honest, open, real discussion. But they still feel they can fall in love with somebody from the other side, and in fact, I did. Okay, well then let's talk about that then for a second. When did you and your partner meet, Dr. Fisher? Well, he worked for the New York Times for 21 years, so he's been interviewing me forever, but frankly, I, you know, I would never put the make on a journalist. So it was just a, you know, it was just a friendship. And then eight years ago, we were both invited out to a place in Montana over the summer and they invited journalists and

academics and in the woods and I was charmed by him, but I wasn't going to put the moves on him. But anyway, he even told me, he said, I'm not going ever going out with another woman. He was going through a horrible divorce and I figured he was talking me something so I never put the moves on him until one night. And we were sitting down in Tribeca, well, we were going to walk the high line and play game a pool. We were the bottom the the the their their their their their their thi. their thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thin. thi. thi. thi. thin. I was going thin. I was going thoom. thoomorrow. thoom. We were going thi. He was going going going going going going going going going going going going going going going going going going going. We were going. We were going. We were going. We were going. We were going. We were going. We were going. We were going. We were going. We were going. We were going. We were going thin. We were going thin. We were going. We were going thin. We were going thin. We were going thin. We were going to go go go go to to to to to to to go to to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go the. We were going the. We were going th walk the high line and play game of pool. This was a year after we started to go out now and then he'd always give me a hug. But anyway, the bottom line is that would be that. So I don't know what got into me, but I pulled the cocktail napkin out from under my drink when we were having the tune. I said, why don't we just write down on our cocktail napkin. What we win if we win at pool. I didn't know the the the Dr. Fisher. And I wrote a real kiss. I was fed up with his hugged stuff.

And I pulled out his, so he creased me at pool. Creams me. I mean, creaes me. And I pulled out his, and I opened his, and it says, sex and clarity. And I said, I said, I got the sex part, but what do you have in mind with clarity? But anyway, the bottom line is one thing led to another and then I'm married him. And sure enough, he's not a total Republican, he is a libertarian.

And just like Liz said, I've learned a lot. I will still vote the way I always do, but I learned so much about why some of these people are saying what they're saying. I looked at Fox News for the first time in my life. I can't look at all of it, but I can certainly look at some of it. And I am better educated by knowing some important things about both sides. So if on that day when you all went to play pool and on his napkin, what do you want if we went in Poole and he wrote down privatized health care? You would have lost when you walked out. That's a how right.

So how do y'all, how do y'all make it work? Because my point is that you all met at a time. We're on the back side. If we're going eight years ago, we're still second-term, it's Obama's victory lap. And we're on the back side of George Bush no longer being a war criminal. He's given Michelle Obama candies. So at this point, Republicans aren't as wild as we think they were going to be, as the climate in the country changed over these eight years. How can people keep it respectful with their partner when it comes to political issues

when you're in an interpolitical marriage or in a political relationship in general? Like what are your tools? How do y'all make it work when y'all both watching Fox News and you go, huh? And he goes damn right. I don't go, hmm, I don't do it. You know, I was with greater, Bader Ginsburg. you know, sometimes it's good to be a little deaf, you know, so that you don't listen to it. But I even ask 5,000 people what they do about political civility and something like 45% say,

I try to understand the other person's perspective. And some people will just disagree, politely, another 40%. And what's interesting to me is about 12% of men will lie about their views and 6% of women will lie. Now this is in the beginning of a partnership. They'll lie because of course they're looking for life's greatest prize, which is a mating partner. So people are going to just put their best foot forward and pretend whatever. But the bottom line is, this is correct. I mean, today, people are putting it on their profile. They want to know who the other person is. They don't want to go in with these kind of scars or problems.

And in my case, I mean, all I can say is that he's wonderful at kissing and hugging. He's hilariously funny. He's educated in many more ways. And there's other parts to a human being. I mean, politics is only one. Liz, how have you handled situations where you begin to see a divide in political views with someone that you've dated and is that something that people should ignore and just go, oh, it's the third date, who cares if they haven't been vaccinated yet? We'll circle back to that later. Or is that something that you tend to dig in on? And is that the right thing to start keying in on

the moment you catch a whiff of that early on in the courtship? I mean, I think we're in kind of a red flag culture rig right now, where there's a lot of people out there who are telling us all of the red flags to look out for and again, this sort of culture of I'm going to get away from anything that I don't agree with, that I don't like, or that doesn't make me feel good. And I've definitely been guilty of that, and I had to kind of examine my way that the way that I was shutting people out, right? based on my own interpretation of what their

opinion means to them, right? So you can know how someone votes, right? And that's a behavior. And if I don't ask more questions, I'm going to assign the intentions that I think goes into that behavior instead of using that as a way to get to know the person better. And so if they vote a certain way, and again, I'm not saying this on like fundamental issues, right? I think the match.com data shows that like two-thirds of single women. Abortion is a non-negotiable, right? In a world where like, this is about our bodily autonomy, I think that's okay to, like, I will not argue about that, you know, I'll argue about some, you the, you the, you that, you the, you the, you, you, you, you, you, you, the, the, that, the, the, th, th, th, the, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th. th. thi, thin, the, the, th. I, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, th, th, th....... I, th, th. I, th. I, th. I, th. I, th. I, thr. I'm, thr. I, thr. I, thro. I, th. I, thro. I, th. I, th. I like my private intimate time on my time off, you know. But still, if someone, you know, signals us a certain opinion about an issue and they have

a different perspective, ask questions, right? Find out why? Find out more about their values. Find out more about their personal experience. That's what you should be doing on a date, right? Is not sort of looking for what's wrong with the person, but just connecting with them and seeing how you feel when you connect with them. And you might connect with them and learn something to Dr. Fisher's point, learn something about yourself or learn something about this perspective

that you still don't agree with, but now you understand where it's coming from. And yeah, you might want to pursue a relationship with this person if you feel good when you're around them, or you might not. So yeah, there's a lot of people I've been on dates with that I remain friends with, because yeah, we do fundamentally disagree about certain things, and there's a value throwns, But it's not about really their political affiliation as much as those values and what's behind that. And at the same time, you know, there are a lot of progressive men out there who have grand ideas about progressive politics

who don't necessarily behave that way behind closed doors or in their relationships with women. And I know a lot of relationships that have fallen apart because of that. That betrayal can feel worse for some women. And so, and again, there's maybe someone someone someone someone someone someone someone someone someone someone someone someone someone someone someone someone someone someone someone someone someone someone someone someone someone someone someone someone someone someone someone someone someone someone someone someone someone someone someone someone someone someone someone th some some some can feel worse for some women. And so, and again, there's maybe someone who's more conservative on the outside who will be more altruistic or more egalitarian in the way that they approach the relationship. And so I would just want people to be open-minded and to be curious, right, instead of using it as a reason to like shut down. Okay, so what you're saying is that I need to start going to try and to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to be, to be, to be, to, to be, to be, to, to be, to, to, to, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the the, the, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, thea, their, tryuu., thea.ea, their, their, their, bea, bea, bea, bea, bea, bea you're saying is that I need to start going to some of these Trump and Ron DeSantis rallies and trying to hollard some girls. That's what I'm gonna do. I'm gonna do that next time. I don't would not

recommend that but if you want to go and try it I will watch. After the break I want to talk a little bit more with you ladies about what deeems a deal. what deems a deal breaker when it comes to dating and politics. I want to talk about these dating apps that are getting more and more deeper into political ideologies and how do you raise kids when both of you don't think the same way about stuff. It's beyond the scenes. We'll sort this out. I'm going to tell you about the time I dated a gun owner's story after the break. Oh boy. Oh boy. Before we talk a little bit about these dating apps, you said something before the break list that I want to circle back to and how sometimes you have to immerse yourself

in someone else's culture or ask questions and then you learn about it and sometimes you'll be shocked what you find out about yourself. Like I don't own a gun, I just never gotten around to get in a gun because I always end up in a a the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you' th, you' you, you're, you're th, you, you, you, you're th, you're th, you' th you' th you' th you' th you' th you' th, you' the the th, you' the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the thi, you, you, you' thi, you're tap, you're tapy, you're te, you're te, you're tea' tea' tea' tea'napsea' tea'napse, you're t Like, I don't own a gun, I want a gun, I just never gotten around to getting a gun because I always end up in a relationship with a woman who don't want a gun in a house, so I just never bought the gun. And then I ended up in a relationship one time with a woman who owned a gun. And here's the funny thing. I didn't feel safe in the house. I th, I th, and I th, and I th, and I th, and I th, and I th, and I, and I, and I th, and I th, and I th, and I th, and I th, and I th, and I th, and I th, and I th, and I th, and I th, and I thi, and I thin, the, tho, tho, tho, and tho, and the, and the, the, the, thi, thi, thi, th, and th, and th, th, and th, th, and th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th th th th th th thi, thi, thi, thi, thi thi thi thi the the an thean, thean, thean, thean, thean, thean, the that thi a thi a thi thi thi thing, I didn't feel safe in the house. I wouldn't either.

And I can't explain it, but just in my head it was this constant thing. There's a gun in this house. There's a gun in this house. Now, if I had have met her on gun owners. Then I could have sorted that right out. And it wasn't a deal breaker, but it definitely was an adjustment, you know, in terms of dating, if I'm being honest.

And she was also a concealed carry person as well. But that's a whole, whole separate set of beans. But when we talk about the dating apps, you know, like there's a conservative dating app called the Right Stuff. Calling all conservatives, a new dating app called the right-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n. th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th. th. th. th. th. th. talk about the dating apps, you know, like there's a conservative dating app called the right stuff. Calling all conservatives a new dating app called the right stuff just might give you a chance to meet your true match. It was funded by Peter Teal but founded by former officials in the Trump administration who had a hard time finding like-minded people to date on the existing dating app that often made them feel unwelcome. But yeah, some of my friends would try to to to the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the their the their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their the existing dating apps that often made them feel unwelcome.

But yeah, some of my friends would try to use the apps. They'd, the minute they became, it became known that they were working for Trump, the date immediately ended. That happened several times, and my friends. Really? Yeah, girls would just get up and leave, or, you know, abruptly try to end to end end end end end end end end end end end end end end end end end end the the date to end the date to end to end to end to end the date. Do you think dating apps that are rooted

in political ideologies are helpful in people finding like-minded partners, or does it drive everybody to retreat into their own little bubbles where you can't ask questions and learn and inform yourself about the other side, like Liz did? Well, first of all, you know, it's amazing how people think that this is new, that these are sort of channels that are going to keep you in a bubble, but as an anthropologist, I mean for millions of years, you know, you met that cute boy at the waterhole, he's going to think like you, he's going to do

the same kind of thing every day that you do. I mean, how about on a farming community? I mean, you're still going to run it everybody at the same church and the same grocery store and people are going to hold the same value. So the bottom line is, these don't threaten me at all. I think they help people find people that are sort of like them. And what's nice about today is we've got a huge number of alternatives. They don't have have have have have have have have have have have have to have to have to go to go to go to go their their th tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho thi thi thi thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. the same thi. thi. I I I I I I thi. I thi. I thi. I thi. I thi. I thi. I thin. thin. thin. I'm thin. thin. thin. thin. th thin. th th th th th thin th th th thin th the thin th thin the thin. the th a huge number of alternatives. They don't have to go to the right stuff. They can go to other places and learn other things. So I don't find it threatening.

I know that a lot of people, it's called positive, assortative mating. That's the anthropological term about the fact that we are inclined. Well, we're inclined to fall in love with somebody from the same socioeconomic and ethnic background, same degree of intelligence and good looks and education. We tend to fall in love with somebody with the same values and social and reproductive goals, economic goals. Childhood always plays a role, but the bottom line is we gravitate to people like ourselves and what these dating sites are simply doing is enabling you to find more people like yourself. What's beautiful, as said about today is that we can we can step out the way Liz is doing

and the way I certainly did and learn other ways whereas I think through most of humanity you really couldn't step out. I mean, you know, you stuck with sort of your kind. And I think that right now it's a beautiful time in human evolution where we're seeing more and more people who don't share our views. We can reach in and learn something from them and then learn more about ourselves just the way they said. Liz, how do you feel about that? Like do you think that these dating apps are helpful? Like if there was a dating website called yes abortions dot relationships. Just spitball in the URL. I don't know if that title is going to stick.

That's a, you should buy that. And we should start that. I go to it. Not only would I go to it, but it says a lot of about the person than abortion. It says a lot of other things that are a sort of coalescent to a general framework. Yeah, and I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, that that's that's that's that's that's that's a that's a that's a that's a that's a that's a that's a that's a lot, that's a lot, that's a that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's th. It th. It's a th. It's a th. It's a the, the, the, the, the, that's a that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that's a that's a lot, you know, went to a lot of protests, you know, this year, or I guess last year, you know, with Roe v. Wade being overturned, and I was like, hmm, this might be a good spot. There's some, a lot of guys here, which I think is encouraging for the movement, and also encouraging for, yeah, relationships between men and women, you know, like, like, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, the, the, the, the, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, th. th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, the, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, the, thi, thi, men and women, you know, like, these

are fundamental, again, it can be fundamental deal breakers. And yeah, I'm not super opposed to any way that helps people connect these days. I think it's, I think dating has become so hard. And that's where I would love, I mean, Dr. Fisher knows about it because she's looking at the data. And I just think it's very hard to be in relationship. I think the pandemic we've still not recovered fully. And so anything that brings people together, you know,

whether it's like a dating app for people who are on the right, a dating app for people who, right, who love abortion. I'm all for it. I think it's positive. I also think that we can't underestimate the power of intimate relationships to revolutionize the world, right? Our minds are changed by people that we like. It's very rare that a stranger, you know, yelling at you or even a stranger talking to you, or reading a book by a person that you don't even like, right? I mean, first of all, that's not going to happen. And second of all, that that's really going to make you think differently. But if your cousin says something to you, if someone that you really like, you know, presents a different perspective, or again, an author. I mean, there are many authors that I read that I don't agree with everything, but that I that I that I that I that I that I that I that I thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. throwne. throwne. throwne. throwne. thi. throwne. thi. that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thin thin. throwneeeeeeeeanananananananananananananann't throwneeeeeeeeee. throwne. that's, you know, a pair of social relationship with them,

I care about what they say and I trust what they say. And so I do think that these intimate relationships can really be transformative. And as much as, you know, should be also, we should have sympathy for singles. And, you know, if they want to go to their bubble where they feel comfortable, that's th also th also th also th also th also th also th also th also th also th also th also th also th also th also thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi. thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi... thi. thi. And, thi. And, thi. And, thi. And, thi. And, thi. And, thi. I thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thiiii. I thi. I thi. I thi. I thi. I thi. I thi. I th go to their bubble, where they feel comfortable, that's also fine. Well, I just want to say something about these dating sites that people really don't really get. They are not dating sites. They are introducing sites.

That's all they do is introduce you. That's all they do. And once you get out on that first date or a video chat, you laugh the way it was did, you laugh the way you always did, you parade the way you always did, you assess the way you always did. There's not, the dating site, it's not going to change who you are. It's just where you're going to find people and then begin to assess them. And the problem with these introducing sites is there's nothing really wrong with the, the problem is they're so new that people th. the the th... the the the the thi.. thi. their thi. thi. thi. their, thi. The problem, thi. The problem, thi. The problem, thi. Then. The problem, thi, thi, thi, their, thi, thi, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi........ The dating, thi, thi. The dating, thi. The dating, thi. The dating, thin, thin, thin, thin, their, their, their, their, their, their, the dating site, their, the dating site, their, the dating site is the dating site is their, the binge. And the human brain cannot cope with more than about nine options. You know, it's called cognitive overload or the paradox of choice,

and people choose nobody. And the other thing is, you know, because you know so little about somebody, you overweight what you know, and you'll suddenly think, ah, he likes cats, I like dogs. It doesn't work. So the bottom line is, one of the things that Roy you were asking about in the beginning is where we're headed. In this annual study, one of the questions that I ask is, have you ever fallen in love with somebody who you initially did not find attractive? And in fact, this year, 49% said yes. Singles are giving people a chance.

It's more than all of the last 12 years. Singles are getting on these sites, they're beginning, I hope, to learn how to use them, and they're giving people a chance. And I think this is a great step forward. Ugly people. Ugly. Ugly. Just a more specific. I don't know if that's the anthropological term, but ugly.

An array, we'll just say variety. There we go, we'll be nice. They're given a variety of faces and opportunity. One or two. When we talk about like deal breakers, though, should dating be more about the issues or the party affiliation when we come, when it comes time to talking about how you prioritize looking for a lifelong partner. Because you know I've also in my single them as of late I found myself on dates with women who were not vaccinated by choice and I had never been something I thought about until it was actually said and I was like I don't agree with that but all right let's see where a second date goes, I guess. So it wasn't, like, should you date along party lines or along issue lines? Like, how would Roe v. Wade change? How did that change dating, for instance?

That changed it a lot. Just as Liz had said, I mean, we did a study on this this past year, obviously, and two out of three women will not date somebody with opposing views on abortion. And you know, when I was talking with my colleagues at Match and Justin Garcia, who I work with to analyze the data, you know, people are becoming much more flexible about politics, but they're not flexible about abortion. And I can't, you know, once again, as an anthropologist, I get it. You know, politics comes and goes. I mean, Trump will come and Trump will go.

Biden will come and Biden will go. They will come and go. But having a baby does not come and go. You know, if you're not ready to have a child, you know, whatever it is, you are going to have that child for the rest of your life. It doesn't come and go. And I'm not at all surprised that this is the top of the list right now because this is a Darwinian issue.

This is not a social issue. So then to that point, how are people with opposing views raising the kids? How do you do that, like in the inter, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, and the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, and, the, the, and, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, th.. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. to, thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. the whole child vaccination, you got to be vaccinated to go back to this school, divided, and I'm talking from personal conversations I've had in group chats with other married friends where it was a serious issue because they didn't realize they were in a VAX, excuse me, an intervaccination home. By the way, that's the anthropological turn. Yeah, that's a good one one tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho that's a good one tho tho that's a good one tho tho that's a good one tho tho tho tho that's a good one term. Yeah, that's a good one. I like it. How are the opposing political views like influencing child rearing now? Well, this is something

I've not been able to tell anybody and thanks for asking. In this last study, with this, 49% of Republicans do not want their children to marry somebody on the other side of the aisle. And 33% of Democrats do not want their children their children their children their children their children their children their children their children their children their children their children to to their children to their children to their children to to their children to their children to marry to marry to marry to marry to marry to marry to marry to marry to marry to marry to marry to marry to marry to marry to marry to marry to marry to marry to marry to marry to marry to marry to marry to marry to marry to marry to marry to marry to marry to marry to marry to marry to marry to marry to marry to marry to marry to marry to marry to marry to marry. to marry. to marry. to marry. to marry. to marry. to marry. their children their children their children their children their children their children their children to marry their children their children their children to their children their children to to their children. to their to to to to to to to to to to to to their children to marry somebody on the other side of the aisle. And 33% of Democrats do not want their children to marry somebody from the other side of the aisle. So that's something. They somehow feel that they can weather the differences between themselves and their partner. But when it comes to children having children and sort of passing on their values to next generations with their DNA. They feel very strongly about it.

I'm not surprised that the Vaxers and the anti-Vaxers are having struggles. Liz, what have you seen, you know, just in your own experiences with, you know, either dating people with children or your friend who have children who are struggling now, especially when we start talking about preteen children that are a lot more politically aware themselves. I dated someone with kids and this was, you know, it wasn't even a political issue, but kids bring in all kinds of different things, right, for a couple and especially when you're mixing two, you know, two people who have kids and now have new partners. That's, that can come with challenges. My perspective is as a single person who doesn't have kids, but certain things

are not a political issue, they're a safety issue, right? Vaccination, although it's become a political issue, which is, you know, boggles the mind, and I don't even know if we could have predicted, before the, I don't think we could have predicted the pandemic, but also I don't think we could have predicted the pandemic, but also I don't think we could have predicted that something like that, that is a health issue becomes a political issue. And it's the same thing with the gun and that woman, you know, you were dating who has a gun. Is that really about affiliation or is about your safety and your feeling of safety, of physical safety in that relationship. And similar with abortion, I mean, if I'm going to risk risk that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that tha risk tha risk tha tha thi risk thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi, thi, thi, that is that is that is that is that is that is that is that is that is that is that is that is that is that is that is that is that is that is that is that is that is that is that is that is that is that is that is that is that is that is that is that is that is that is that is that is that is that is that is that is that is that is that is that is that is that is th. th. th. th. thi. thi. thi. the thi. the the the. the the the. the the. the the. the. the. the. that, that, that is a that is a that is a the. that relationship. And similar with abortion, I mean,

if I'm gonna risk going to jail to have sex with you, like if you're trying to keep that happening and are for that, I'm not gonna have sex with you. Yeah, that's like, that's the bar. The bar isn't hell, but that's the bar. You know, I'm not gonna go below that. And I feel okay about the break the break th tha the the bar. The bar isn't hell, but that's the bar. You know, I'm not going to go below that. And I feel okay about that. All right, after the break, hopefully we can leave with some hope here that doctor and madam

Liz and we can figure out ways that people can live in a home with a unvaccinated gun owner while raising a multi-gendered child in this new universe in which we're living in. This is beyond beyond beyond beyond beyond beyond beyond beyond beyond beyond beyond beyond beyond beyond beyond beyond beyond beyond beyond beyond beyond beyond beyond beyond beyond beyond beyond beyond beyond beyond beyond beyond beyond beyond beyond beyond beyond beyond beyond beyond beyond beyond the scenes the scenes the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. th. th. th. th. the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the bar. the the the the the bar. the the the th. th. th. th. th. the is the is thea. thea. thea. thea. thea. thea. thea. thea. the is the is th. This is beyond the scenes. We'll be right back. Beyond the scenes we are rounding third and headed for home. We have been talking about interpolitical dating. I didn't even know that was the official term. Just I called it. Dating that girl that watched a little too much Fox News but she cooked good so I'm ignored. That's what I call it. Liz, Liz, I'll start with you first. What do you think the future of dating looks like it? Do you think it gets more technical?

Do you think people will get back to just dating off-filling, instead of letting sites aggregate so many different details about us? I think people are really hungry for human connection, right? After, again, I talk about the pandemic not because I want to bum people out, but because I I want people to be compassionate with themselves, that we went through something really traumatic and to be like, everything's fine now. It is not, you know, it can be helpful in the short term, but it can make you kind of blame yourself for for certain consequences of that. And so what I've been noticing

is more men kind of honestly hitting on me, which I am so into. Men coming up to me at coffee shops or in the street striking a conversation, right? In a respectful way. Okay, so not cat calling. No, yeah not yelling from the other side of the street to impress your male friends, but actually seeking to connect with a person, I think is so wonderful. And I have noticed that people have been more actively doing that, because a lot of people,

as much as dating apps have helped us in tremendous ways, they also can be, you know, not a fun experience for all of the reasons that Dr. Fisher laid out where people might not be using them in the best way. So I think people are hungry for human connection. I also think we need to date more compassionately. We need to be more compassionate with ourselves, we need to be more compassionate with the other person, and we have to give ourselves more time. I did this podcast called Race to 35 with Monica Panman and Doc Shepard where I froze my eggs with Monica and we documented the whole thing. And part of doing that was talking about the fact that a lot more women are

freezing their eggs. It's something that's not accessible to all women and should be and I'm very lucky to be one of those women. But more women are delaying motherhood, are delaying these big decisions about who they want to have kids with, who they want to marry. And I think that buying time is great. I think that we should all take a little bit more our time to get to know ourselves, to get to know someone else, and to kind of take the pressure off. That's what I see for us. That's why I'm approaching dating. And it's been a lot more, it's been a lot better for me since I've done that.

Doctor, what do you see the future of dating looking like, based on the data? Yeah, no, I am extremely optimistic actually. And what Liz is actually talking about is something I've written quite a bit about called Slow Love. And what we're doing is in, you know, 50 years ago people married in their very early 20s. Now they're married in their very late 20s or even early 30s. So there's this long period of pre-commitment where you're getting to know yourself, you're trying people out.

You're getting rid of yourself, you're getting rid't want, you know, like the girl with a gun in the house, and going on to something that you do. I didn't get rid of her, she got rid of me, but that's what she said. Oh, that's just a hang. Oh dear. I'm, did you suffer or are you sort of glad you're not with the gun? She didn't pull a gun on. She was like, you're getting into your me period of your life right now. I don't know what that means. But it just means get the hell on.

Well anyway, I am extremely optimistic. And by the way, nobody, Roy, gets out of life. We all get dumped. There's no question about it. But anyway, the bottom line is, you know, divorce is very low right now. It's been actually very low for the thirty years. It's, it's, the, the, the, the thiiiiiiiiiuuuicicicicicicicicicicicicicicicicicicic. thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, well, th. Well, I th. Well, well, well, I, well, I, I th. Well, I, I th. Well, I, I, I th. Well, I, I th. Well, I th. Well, I th. Well, I th. Well, I th. Well, I th. Well, I th. Well, I th. Well, I th. Well, I th. Well, I th. thi. thi. thin, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, thin. th. th. th. thin. Well, th. Well, th. Well, I am th. Well, I am th. when it was higher. And we're dating on the internet. And the data show that if you met somebody on the internet, rather than off the internet, any one of these sites anywhere, you're less likely to divorce.

And the longer you court before marriage, the more likely you are to remain together. And those two huge worldwide trends of dating on the internet, meeting people on the internet, and the slow love meeting, you know, spending a long time figuring out who you are, are both very, matter of fact, if you court somebody for about three or more years, you're 39% less likely to divorce. So, is slow love, it's happening all over the world. And I think last but not least for me, I mean, first of all, I study the brain. I mean, we've put over a hundred people into a brain scanner. I mean, we know the brain circuitry of romantic love. It's a basic drive. Comes out of the most primitive parts of the brain. We will always love. Courtship will change. But the feeling of desire to be with somebody will never change. I mean, it's primordial, it's adaptable, and it's eternal.

And I do think that with more of this internet dating, where you get a wide variety of people, you've got to handle it properly. And courting for a long period of time is going to send us to wars, actually, a few decades of relative family stability. I'll leave you ladies with one last question to tak. th. th. to war is actually a few decades of relative family stability. I'll leave you ladies with one last question to take us home. What words of encouragement do you have for our viewers who are looking for love but don't want to do it digitally? Is there any hope for them, doctor? How do I meet people the old-fashioned New York Times at a pool hall right on the napkin way? How do we do it? Is there still hope for their? How do they navigate

the signs? They got to get out there? Any way you get out there. Okay, some people do it on the internet in their pajamas. Some people want to get all duted up and stand in a bar. Whatever works. Just get out there. And by. And by. And, the their. And, the their. And, their. their. their. their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their. their, their. their. their, their, their. their, their. their. their, their, their. their their their their their th. th. th. the. thea. thea. their tape, their their their their their their their their their thethere. And by the way, if I had to sum up, what is catnip to the opposite sex? It's people who are happy. Just be happy. Smile. Be energetic. Be interested in who other people are. It's catnip to the opposite sex.

And Liz, what hope would you give? Like, to be their treats. world. I have. I'm a survivor. Yes. No, I've been on dates. I've been on successful dates with men who have come up to meet a coffee shop. Coffee shops are these third places, right? The first place is your home, second place is where you work, and these third places, the gym. And again, I'm not saying go harass women while they're working out, but there are ways of approaching strangers and smiling to,. Fisher's point, just smiling, looking up from your phone, put your phone in your pocket, okay? There are all kinds of

amazing people that you know you're not seeing if you're if you're not looking up. And so I have two piece of advice. One of them, think about who your future partner is, right? Like on a Saturday, where would they be? Go there? Would they be at the gym? Go to the gym? the gym? the gym? the museum? the museum. the museum? the museum. the museum. the museum? the museum. the museum? the museum. the museum? the museum. the museum? the museum. the museum. the museum? the museum. the museum. the museum the the the the th thi thi the their thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thii. thii. thiii. thi. thi. thi. thi.they be? Go there. Would they be at the gym? Go to the gym. Would they be at a museum? Go to a museum. Would they be at a panel about intergalactic universes? Like, go to that panel. And the second thing is, every day give a compliment to anybody of any gender. And this is not, again, a way of, you know, not even as an attempt to seduce people or to really make a lasting connection, but it just kind of makes you more comfortable talking and approaching someone that you don't know.

Just practice the art, right? Which used to be much more normal, talking to strangers. Practice the art in your everyday life in small ways. And then, yeah, it'll make you more likely to end up striking those conversations with people that you do find attractive and you are a little bit more nervous to go up to you'll have done it before and men like it by the way they do like it women who try to pick them up yeah yes everyone loves a compliment let me think yeah I do it doesn't happen often when it happens we usually end up on a date. Something like 90% of men are perfectly happy if a woman moves in for the first kiss,

if a woman asked for her, you know, for your telephone number, but women don't do it. But the young are beginning to. Yeah. Well, go where your potential mate is, and with that, Liz and Helen, I bet you would do, and I'm gonna head the home because I hope she's on the paint aisle because I need some help paint in his house. That's all the time. Don't we all, isn't that what we're looking for? Someone help us paint or the paint? I'm gonna just stand by the paint and be like,

hello, baby, would you like to come and help me? Liz, Helen, thank you so much. That's all the time we have for today, but I appreciate you both for going beyond the scenes with you. Thank you. Thank you all. Listen to the Daily Show Beyond the Scenes on Apple Podcasts, the I-Heart Radio App or wherever you get your podcast. to wherever you get your podcast. Explore more shows from the Daily Show Podcast Universe by searching the Daily Show, wherever you get your podcasts.

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