The Daily Show: Ears Edition - How to Unquarantinify - Making Small Talk

Episode Date: July 7, 2021

As the isolation of lockdown life comes to an end in 2021, Michael Kosta provides a refresher course on the fine art of small talk, with demonstrations by Roy Wood Jr. and Desi Lydic. Learn more about your ad-choices at https://www.iheartpodcastnetwork.comSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

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Very few have been given access to the treasures in our archives. You're rolling. But that's all about to change. Like none of this stuff gets looked at. That's what's incredible. I'm Seth Done of CBS News. Listen to 60 Minutes, a second look, starting September 17th, wherever you get your podcasts. Small talk. It's a great way to make polite conversation with the neighbor, or a co-worker, or barista at a coffee shop shop where you take dumps. But due to the pandemic, you may be a little rusty when it comes to filling awkward silences with meaningless blather. That's

why I'm here to help remind you how to make small talk. One of the trickiest parts of small talk is letting your acquaintance know you're paying attention to them without saying out loud, I'm paying attention to your dumb story. That's why you need to use body language, which brings me to tip number one, do look your acquaintance in the eye. Do not poke your acquaintance in the eye. Now if eye contact isn't your thing, try tip number two. Do occasionally nod your head. Do not occasionally spin your head backwards. Does that make sense? Great. Now that you understand body language, let's move on to tip number three. What should you chat about? I recommend centering your small talk on one of three topics. The weather, the weekend, and your sleep disorder. Let's begin with the weather. The key thing to

remember here is have a strong opinion. The weather has either been really nice or really terrible. Let's take a look at what not to do. The weather has not been a factor in my life. Precipitation levels have neither affected me positively or negatively. Um, okay. You see how Roy didn't take a strong stance about the weather? Without having an opinion, well, Desi has nothing to respond to. So let's see how the small talk improves when Roy has a strong opinion.

The weather murdered my parents when I was a child, but tonight, I get my revenge. Ugh, I know you should totally do that. You see? It's much better, Roy. By having a strong opinion, Desi has something to respond to. And now their conversation about stabbing a cloud is off and running. Now let's move on to our next small talk subject, the weekend. And no, I'm not talking about the guy who sings about cocaine.

The key to making small talk about the weekend is asking the right question on the right day. Monday, ask about the previous weekend. Tuesday and Wednesday, don't talk about the weekend. Then Thursday and Friday, ask about the upcoming the upcoming the upcoming the upcoming the upcoming the upcoming the upcoming the upcoming the upcoming the upcoming the upcoming the upcoming the upcoming the upcoming the the the the the the the the the Then Thursday and Friday, ask about the upcoming weekend. It seems easy, but let's see what happens if you don't follow the schedule. How was your weekend? Last weekend? I don't know. It's Wednesday.

What do you want me to check my calendar, you perverted piece of shit? See, Roy asked Desi about her previous weekend too far into the week. Desi got confused and rightfully called Roy a perverted piece of shit. Let's see what happens when Roy asked that same question on a Monday. How was your weekend? It was nice. Saturday I went to the park with some friends and Sunday, I took my revenge out on a cloud. That sounds relaxing. And there you go.

By asking the right question on the right day, Desi can respond, and now their conversation about stabbing a cloud is off and running. That's great work. And finally, our last small talk subject, your sleep disorder. Unlike our first two subjects, this is a great topic for when you want to politely end small

talk. Simply mention your sleep disorder and then fall asleep. The person you're talking with will leave and you'll be free to carry on with the rest of your day. The only thing to remember here is that both people shouldn't use this same strategy at the same time. Otherwise, trouble results. And those are all of the differences the differences the differences the differences the differences the differences the differences the differences the differences the difference the difference the difference the difference the difference the difference the difference the difference the difference the difference the difference the difference the difference the difference the difference the difference the difference the difference the difference the the the the their the the the the same time. Otherwise, trouble results. And those are all of the differences between Keenwa and cauliflower rice.

I'm sorry, I just got diagnosed with narcolepsy. Excuse me. It's so weird, so was I. Huh. Huh. See, we got a stalemate. And now these two have to pretend to be asleep standing up for the next few hours. And let me tell you, as someone who actually has a sleep disorder, that is... The Daily Show with Trevor Noah Ears Edition. Subscribe to the Daily Show on YouTube for exclusive content and stream full episodes anytime on Paramount Plus.

When 60 Minutes premiered in September 1968, there was nothing like it. This is 60 Minutes. It's a kind of a magazine for television. Very few have been given access to the treasures in our archives. But that's all about to change. Like none of this stuff gets looked at. That's what's incredible. I'm Seth Done of CBS News. Listen to 60 Minutes a second look on Apple podcasts starting September 17.