The Daily Show: Ears Edition - ICYMI - Animals in the Time of Coronavirus

Episode Date: May 30, 2020

Goats run wild in a California neighborhood, a Japanese aquarium offers video calls with eels, and a pizza-eating groundhog in Philadelphia goes viral. Learn more about your ad-choices at https://www.iheartpodcastnetwork.comSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

You're listening to Comedy Central. When 60 Minutes premiered in September 1968, there was nothing like it. This is 60 Minutes. It's a kind of a magazine for television. Very few have been given access to the treasures in our archives. But that's all about to change. Like none of this stuff gets looked at. That's what's incredible. I'm Seth Done of CBS News. Listen to 60 Minutes, a second look, starting September 17th, wherever you get your podcasts. Do you sometimes wish that you could say, screw safety. I'm just going to grab all my friends and run wild through the streets.

Well, it turns out you're not the only one. Invasion of the goats, that was the scene in one neighborhood after a herd of goats got loose. The goats managed to knock over an electric fence and took a leisurely stroll through the streets. Neighbors had to open up a side gate and lead the goats the goats the goats the goats to the goats the goats to the goats the goats to the goats to the goats the goats to to the goats to the goats back where they were supposed to be. Nobody was hurt, but there was some minor damage. Hey, hey, hey, hey. Go, go, go. Holy shit. Did you see that?

Not one of those goats is wearing a mask. Oh, Fauci's not going to be happy. I will will say though, those goats are tempting fate running through the streets like that when there's a meat shortage in the country. Yeah, because they can run wild in the suburbs. But if they try that shit in the Bronx, my Jamaican peeps will turn them into a curry. What is what's happening here.

Humans have stayed inside for too long, and now animals have forgotten who's boss. And you realize what that means? When lockdown is over, we're going to have to fight them to take back our streets. Yeah, as soon as quarantine ends, the first goat I see plastic! We handling this like men! Every day, we're hearing about how animals are thriving without us. But in Japan, it turns out that there are some animals that just miss our face. A Japanese aquarium is asking people to make video calls to their eels. Why? It's all to remind the sensitive creatures humans exist and don't pose a threat. With a largely human-free environment their eels. Why? It's all to remind the sensitive creatures humans exist and

don't pose a threat. With a largely human-free environment the last couple months, aquarium staff say when keepers try to check on the garden eels, they hide in the sand. In a bid to reacquaint the eels with humans, the aquarium is setting up five tablets and asking eel enthusiasts to their ta. T. That's is their their their their their their their their their their their their their is is is. thah. thah. thah. thaease. thaeaseasease. thaeaseaseaseaseaseaseh. thaeaseh. thaeaseh. the the thaeaseh. thaeaseaseaseh. thaeaseaq-aq-aq-aq-aq-aq-aq-aq-aq-aq-aq-aq. theirn. their. their. theirn. their, the zoo wants people to video chat with the eels so that they remember humans and don't view them as a threat when people come back. Yeah, although if you ask me, reminding the eels about humans will have the opposite effect. Why is the ocean so small? All right, the humans put us in a water zoo. Oh, and you know what the good news is? Eels are perfectly designed for video chats. Yeah, because if anyone tries to flash their penis on these zoom calls,

the eels, they're not gonna be phased. Just be like, ha, look at that. Another eel on the call. A very strange eel. So pale, he must be sick. Here's some good news coming out of Hong Kong. A zoo, which has been trying unsuccessfully to get its pandas to mate for 10 years, reported that finally, yesterday, the pandas spontaneously started having sex. And the researchers say they think it's because nobody is at the zoo. And I'm like, yeah, I don't need to be a researcher to know that that's what's happening.

Of course, the pandas are having sex now that nobody's there. How do you think you would react if every day, hundreds of people came to your bedroom window, like, come on, have sex, do it. Come on have sex. Do it, do it, put it in! So I don't blame the pandas. I mean, like, even when I have one person watching me during sex, I'm like, hey, can you, can you look the other way? I'm just kidding. Yeah, I'm just real self-conscious, right?

Would you mind looking, look the other way. It's a lot of pressure. This just makes you realize that whento be telling a completely different story. Grandma, tell us about the coronavirus. Oh, little ones, it was a wonderful time. There were no humans, and your grandpa was smashing me like there was no tomorrow. So, good news for those pandas. Although the bad news is, now that nobody's watching, the monkeys have all stopped having sex.

Those guys are freaky. From the beginning of time, dogs have been a man's best friend. They give us companionship, they assist the blind, and they don't make fun of us, even though they've seen how bad we are at sex, we do it the wrong way. Well now, dogs might be coming to the rescue again. You see, dogs can be trained to detect detect to detect to detect to detect to detect to detect diseases their diseases the wrong way. Well now, dogs might be coming to the rescue again. You see, dogs can be trained to detect diseases like cancer and Parkinson's in patients because of the way those diseases subtly change a person's body odor. Yeah, and now, researchers in Britain are attempting to do the same thing

with coronavirus. And I mean, if you can still smell coronavirus even after nobody has show it for like three days, consider me impressed. But that just shows you how amazing animals are. Your dog can tell you if you have corona. And then your cat will be there to eat your body after you die. Every day, we learn how for animals, this time is pure bliss. The pandas are smashing again in China. The animals are partying in Yosemite National Park.

And now, in Philadelphia, groundhogs, well, they're just doing this. On to some lighter news, it seemed like Groundhog Day, part two in Pennsylvania. Check out this pizza-loving woodchuck in Philadelphia, unlike his usually shy counterpart. Puntz to Tani-F, this one munching away at a cheese slice while staring down a dog on the other side of the window, Rodinnell dubbed pizza groundhog to rival pizza rat here in New York City. Wow, that groundhog is a legend. Did you see his face? You see him? He's just eating that pizza right in their face. He's like if Bugs Bunny was even more of an asshole. And this makes you realize.

This makes you realize how different indoor animals and outdoor animals are. Indoor animals are soft. Because this groundhog is out there in the streets like, oh this? Yeah, yeah, I just eat pizza whenever I want. I guess you guys. You guys probably have to ask for pizza. their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their pizza. I their pizza. I their pizza. I their pizza. I their pizza. I to to to to to to to to to to to to to to eat pizza. I just pizza. I to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I'm. I'm. I'm. toe. t. try. te. te. te. te. te. toe. toe. toe. toe. toe. to. to. I just. I just. I just. I just. I just have to ask for pizza, like a little bitch? Well, at least you can still scratch your balls. Oh, I forgot, your owner chopped them off. You know he's not going to stop with those dogs, right? You can see in that little groundhog's eyes, he's getting cocky. I bet next week he's going to come back and start taunting us humans. Just going to set up a little brunch outside the window with all of his friends. Bottomless mimosa just can't do that at home. Oh ho ho!

Oh! Oh! Some news about the search for a coronavirus cure that's very exciting and also totally adorable. A llama by the name of winter could actually be key to finding a cure to the coronavirus. U.S. and Belgian scientists say they have actually identified a tiny particle in the llama that appears to block the virus and they.. And the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the window... And the window.. And the window. the window. the window. the the the the the the the to be to be the the the thi. to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be toe. toe. toe. to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be the the the the the the thi is is is. the the thi. thi. thi. thi. the thi. thi. thi. thinin is in in thin is in the thin is in the thin. thea. thin. thin. thin. thinn. thinn. thinn. thinn' is. thinn' is thin is thS. and Belgian scientists say they have actually identified a tiny particle in the llama that appears to block the virus and they aim to roll out human trials later this year. Okay, I'm sorry, guys. This is just amazing.

Lamas might have the antibodies we need to defeat COVID-19. And I think I need someone to explain to me how science actually works. Because like, how did this come about? Was scientists just sitting around like, Mike, I need you to test the virus? Peter, see if you can find out anything on the antibodies. And Steve, go play with a llama. See if anything comes up.

But I guess once again, this proves why we need to let more lamas into medical school. If this llama can cure Corona without any training, just imagine what it can do after it reads some books. And this is really exciting, because if the human trials are successful, we might have a cure. And even if they're not successful, we might have our first human lama superhero. I will say, though, this news is probably going to raise the bar for a lot of pets. Because people right now are looking at their cats at home like, this llama is out there

curing diseases. And what have you done lately, Mr. Whisker's? Now look, this research is still preliminary, and we don't know if it'll work, but but apparently some big farmer companies aren't waiting to find out. The coronavirus pandemic has touched us all. But now, there's hope. With Lamanol, the first prescription llama. Here's how it works. We send you a llama, and you, uh, lick it?

Or maybe just hang around with it. We don't think you have to eat it, but you know, we're not sure. We kind of just rush this to market. Side effects may include llama spit. Lama's eating your lawn, llama diarrhea, getting llama wool everywhere and becoming a tiger king, but for llamas. Lama Nol. Tell us if it works. Zoom. It's the popular video conferencing app and the reason why one corner of your house is so clean.

And now an animal sanctuary in California has announced a new service where they'll be renting out their animals to appear in your Zoom meetings. Yeah, you can pay anywhere from $65 to $100. And then you can have a goat, a llama, a cow, a pig, or a turkey make a surprise appearance on your Zoom call, which is all fun and games until the goat outperforms you in your meeting. I'm sorry to tell you, James, but Scruffy really had some great ideas

and blew you out of the water, so you're fired. But, thired. But, thired. thired. thired. thired. thired, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thus, thus, thus, thus, thus, thus, thus, thus, thus, thus, thus, to thus, thi, to to to to to to to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to to to to to to to, to, to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to, to to to, to to, to, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thus, thr, thr, thr, thr, thr. thr. thr-a. thrown, the the thrown, the the thr-a. throooooooooooooo, to to th to the real, though, this is a really novel idea. Because, I mean, usually, the only animals we have on calls at our company is Craig, is Craig, thrown their mouth when you eat, Craig. We can see you. It's a camera. Oh, a little advice, though. If you are going to zoom with animals, please, remember to be sensitive to your new coworkers because otherwise, things could get really awkward. So to sum, great job all around team. I think we're gonna land the Henderson account. You excuse me real quick. I'm gonna take a quick bite of my burger.

Wow. Wow, really? What? You're just gonna eat that burger right in front of me? That's my bad. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry about that. That could be my uncle, man. How would you feel if I just started eating your granddad on a zoom call? I do not know what to say other than I'm sorry. I'm so sorry for that. That. Man, I'm just playing with you. I eat a burger every now and then, too. Oh, you had me going on there for a second, I thought.

Wait, you what? The Daily Show with Cover Noa, ears edition. Watch the Daily Show weeknights at 11, 10 Central on Comedy Central and the Comedy Central app. Watch full episodes and videos at the Daily Show.com. Follow us on Facebook, Twitter and Instagram, and subscribe to the Daily Show on YouTube for exclusive content and more. This has been a Comedy Central podcast.

When 60 Minutes premiered in September 1968, there was nothing like it. This is 60 Minutes. It's a kind of a magazine for television. Very few have been given access to the treasures in our archives. But that's all about to change. Like none of this stuff gets looked at. That's what's incredible. I'm Seth Done of CBS News. Listen to 60 Minutes, a second look on Apple podcasts starting September 17.