The Daily Show: Ears Edition - ICYMI - Checking In with Lewis Black in Quarantine

Episode Date: April 19, 2020

Trevor reaches out to Lewis Black to find out how he's handling the challenges and opportunities of life under quarantine during the coronavirus pandemic. Learn more about your ad-choices at https://www.iheartpodcastnetwork.comSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

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But the fifth week? Even my proctologist called me in week three, and I haven't had a functioning prostate in years. Oh, but I guess you wouldn't know anything about my prostate, would you, Trevor? You never ask? Because I'm just a fifth week friend. Well, you know what, Lewis, I could say the same thing about you. You haven't called me the entire month. Well, that's because I was too busy reading your book.

Oh, wow. I'm flattered. Well, don't be. I was just trying to see if there was something in your past that would have made me a fifth week friend! Lewis, I feel like you need to get over it. I mean, I'm calling you now, right? I just wanted to see how you're doing during quarantine. What's going on? Oh, I'm just great, Trevor. I mean, besides waiting for your call, I spend my day is trying to remember what I didn't do that day.

And as night draws night, I remember that I can't cook. Okay, but if you're not cooking, buddy, then what are you doing? Well, I'm being productive. Just yesterday. I sat on my ass in the living room. Then, I sat on my ass in the kitchen. And after that, I sat on my ass in the bedroom. I'm doing a whole year's worth of ass sitting in one day. This whole pandemic is like a reverse prison. All the people doing the wrong

thing were outside enjoying their freedom. Meanwhile I'm stuck in solitary drinking wine I made in my toilet. If you want Lewis, this is really popular online. I could send you like a sourdough starter. Fuck your sourdough starter! I'm drinking my toilet wine. Okay, well, you know what, Louis, usually I'll be worried, but I feel like this is something you really just need to go through on your own. That's the beauty of this situation.

We're learning that no matter what age you are, none of us know how to handle to handle to handle to handle to handle to handle to handle to handle to handle to handle to handle to handle to handle to handle to handle to handle to handle to handle to handle to handle to handle to handle to handle to handle to handle to handle to handle to handle to handle to handle to handle to handle to handle a to handle to handle a to handle to handle to handle to handle to handle to handle to handle to handle to handle to handle to handle to handle to handle to handle to handle to handle to handle to handle to handle to handle to handle to handle to handle to handle to handle to handle to handle to handle to handle to handle to handle to handle to handle to handle to handle to handle to handle to handle a to handle a to handle a to handle a to handle a to handle a to handle a to handle a to handle a to of us know how to handle a pandemic. Young people don't know how to handle being alone. Middle-age people don't know how to homeschool their kids, and kids don't know how to shut the fuck up. Anyway, I gotta go. I mean, for a fifth week friend, I can't, you're chewing my ear off, and I got another show to do. You got another show. Are you going to be doing stand-up shows over the internet?

Oh, even better. I show perverts my feet for $5 a minute, and it's about to be mourning in Germany, and let me tell you, they wake up porty over there. Okay, well, um, that's good, good news from you, Lewis. I just wanted to call you and let you know that I cherish our friendship, and you're not a fifth week friend. Oh, yeah, sure. Talk to you in June. Good morning, hairs and frows. Here come my trussies. The Daily Show with Kvernoa, Ears Edition.

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