The Daily Show: Ears Edition - ICYMI - Everything Is Stupid: Holiday Edition

Episode Date: December 26, 2019

Ronny Chieng rails against global warming's devastating effects on Christmas tree prices, sustenance for reindeer in the North Pole and the quality of sparkling wine. Learn more about your ad-choices at https://www.iheartpodcastnetwork.comSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

You're listening to Comedy Central. When 60 Minutes premiered in September 1968, there was nothing like it. This is 60 Minutes. It's a kind of a magazine for television. Very few have been given access to the treasures in our archives. You're rolling? But that's all about to change. Like none of this stuff gets looked at. That's what's incredible. I'm Seth Done of CBS News. Listened to 60 Minutes, a second- the the the the the the the the the the th-1 1, th-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-S-S-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1, th-S-1cene, th-1- thi- thi- thi- thi- thi- thi- thi- thi- thi- thi- thi-19. thine. thine thine thine thine thine thine thine thine thine thine thine th-1. th-1. th-1. th-1. th-1. th-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-cc. 0-c. 0-c. 0-c.00-c. 0-s.00-s. 0-s. thccc. thi-1-1c. thi-1cenea-1cene gets looked at, that's what's incredible. I'm Seth Done of CBS News, listen to 60 Minutes, a second look on Apple podcasts starting September 17th. It's officially the holiday season, a time for family, togetherness, and cocktails with eggs for some reason. But you better enjoy it

while it lasts. Ronnie Chang tells us why in another installment of Everything is Stupid. It's just another excuse for you people to send me stupid pictures of your family. Oh, great. Another baby dressed as an elf. Oh, thanks for the reminder to send me stupid pictures of your family. Oh, great, another baby dressed as an elf? Wow, thanks for the reminder to get a vasectomy. But now, thanks to all these stupid world leaders not giving us shit about climate change, everything you love about Christmas is going to disappear,

starting with Christmas trees. This year, your Christmas tree could wind up costing you more than you've spent in the past. At this farm outside Los Angeles, the average tree costs around a hundred bucks. Nationwide, a fresh-cut Christmas tree now averages $76, double what it cost in 2008. Blame it on climate change. Rising temperatures, wildfires and drought have all made farming more challenging. Yeah, that's right. Climate change is taking away Christmas trees. By 2050, they're going to be so expensive that the tree will be the present. How are you going to trick kids into behaving that way? Listen, you better be good all year or you're not going to get a Douglas fir for Christmas.

Why do people walk Christmas trees in their house anyway? All they do is shed pine needles all over the floor. If that's what you're into, just call me, I'll stab you in the foot for free. And it's not just trees that are going away. Climate change is going to kill Santa's transportation, too. In our Eye on Earth series, we'll take you to Santa's hometown in the Pole where climate change is threatening the reindeer population. The reindeer feed, even through the winter, unlican, a mossy plant they dig down through the snow to get at. Except when all that thawing and refreezing means they can't. And when the snow turns to ice, what happens to the reindeer?

We have to feed them. You know things are bad when your entire species depends on a guy in a weird hat. I mean, what if you oversleeps one day? He'll be like, oh shit, my alarm didn't go off. Now I need to dig a mass reindeer grave. And this is a big problem, okay? Because without reindeer, how is Santa going to get around? He's going to have to hitchhike around the world trading rights for hand jobs okay but guess what the climate crisis is coming for our New Year's drinks too

another popular consumer item that's expected to get a lot more expensive proseco climate change is doing a number on the grapes that make the sparkling wine Palo Tomicella says extreme weather is posing new challenges at his vineyard. Climate change is a big problem. When it's hot, when it's raining, it's raining, it's very much. Proseco, he explained, should have low alcohol and high acidity, but high temperatures and earlier ripening produce the opposite effect. That's right, thanks the climate change, Proseco is going to cost more the tho tho the tho tho tho tho tho the tho tho tho to the tho tho to the tho tho the tho is going tho tho tho the tho tho tho tho the tho tho ening produce the opposite effect. That's right, thanks to climate change,

Proseco is going to cost more and taste worse. Although, to be fair, if you care about taste, you wouldn't be drinking Proseco, you peasants. Proseco is just champagne that dropped out of high school. You know what my holiday drinker choice is? It's good old-fashioned rubbing alcohol. That's right. Sure, it'll make you go blind, but that's when the party really starts.

So, happy new everyone. Spoiler-lea, 2020 is gonna be worse. Brunny Chang, everyone. The Daily Show with Covernoa, Ears Edition. Watch the Daily Show weeknights at 11, 10 Central on Comedy Central and the Comedy Central app. Watch full episodes and videos at the Daily Show.com. Follow us on Facebook, Twitter and Instagram, and subscribe to the Daily Show on YouTube for exclusive content and more.

This has been a Comedy Central podcast. When 60 Minutes premiered in September 1968, there was nothing like it. This is 60 Minutes. It's a kind of a magazine for television. Very few have been given access to the treasures in our archives. You're rolling. But that's all about to change. Like none of this stuff gets looked at. That's what's incredible. I'm Seth Done of CBS News. Listen to 60 Minutes, a second look

on Apple Podcasts starting September 17.