The Daily Show: Ears Edition - ICYMI: Jon Stewart Explains Legal Corruption in Congress and Desi Lydic Covers Biden’s Feisty Debate Challenge to Trump

Episode Date: May 18, 2024

Jon Stewart calls out NJ Senator Robert Menendez for not using his position in government to make bank on the stock market like all his fellow lawmakers. Plus, Desi Lydic unpacks Biden's presidential debate challenge to Trump.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

John Stewart here, unbelievably exciting news. My new podcast, The Weekly Show, we're going to be talking about the election, economics, ingredient to bread ratio on sandwiches. Listen to the weekly show with John Stewart, wherever you get your podcast. You're listening the news. As you know, the fascinating penis-themed trial of Professor Donald Bartholomey Trump continued today. What you might not know is that it is not the only salacious high-level government-official

trial going on today because right across the street in New York's famed public corruption district. New Jersey Democratic Senator Robert Menendez. My God, Menendez turned heel. They're not booing there. Well, they were booing, yes. He faced his first day of reckoning. Federal prosecutors alleged the former chair of the powerful Senate Foreign Relations Committee conspired with his wife Nadine to accept bribes from a trio of wealthy businessmen in exchange for political favors to help the governments of Qatar and Egypt.

The powerful senator allegedly pressured the Department of Agriculture to help an associate maintain a monopoly on the importation of halal meat to the United States. I don't mean to get sentimental here. But in what other country in the world can't. I don't mean to get sentimental here. But in what other country in the world can a Cuban-American senator work hand in hand with an Egyptian-born businessman to corner the Halal meat market? Living in America.

But yes, Senator Menendez is accused of using his acts as an influence as a senator to illegally help a variety of shady governments and clients. But what evidence do we really have? Federal agents search the Menendez home in June 2022, finding over $480,000 in cash. Two bags filled with $100,000 each. $100,000 worth of gold bars. Payments toward a mortgage. The Mercedes-Benz convertible.

Furniture, exercise equipment, even an air purifier. Four boots stuffed with cash. Cash, even found in the senator's embroidered congressional jacket. Sacrilege! Cash in the lining of a congressional jacket, which oddly enough is reversible. But the money is in his house and his jacket and his boots, and his lining in his pockets, but none of it ties the money to Menendez or Egypt. The indictment says upon returning from one trip to Egypt, Menendez performed a web search for how much

is one kilo of gold worth. Damn you metric system! I would have gotten away with it too if it weren't for your meddling kids and your base-ten system of measurements and weights. There could be a lot of reasonable benign explanations for why a senator's house would be stuffed with cash and gold bars. Home heating insulation perhaps or something stupider? According to the New York Times, his lawyers now offering a new explanation as to why he had thousands of dollars in gold and in cash in his home. They say that the habit is rooted in traumatic family history. These are simply my emotional support gold bars.

Whenever I am, whenever I am not with them I get anxious. People respond to trauma in different ways. Now, when it comes to any trial, the first step of course, and we've seen this play out endless times, finding an impartial jury. Defense attorneys have proposed asking prospective jurors if they have opinions about people from New Jersey, and do they think that because they are from New Jersey, that they're more likely to break the law? You mother-fix. You mother-fix. You bury one union leader at your football stadium,

while thu-sukes, you bury one union leader at your football stadium, whilst thrunning a human organ trafficking ring through some saccaucus rabbis, and suddenly your whole state is a suspect. You believe this, Ton? Huh? Don't? You believe this? Anti-New Jersey discrimination.

That's what it is. So obviously this is shaping up to be one of the more cartoonishly blatant corruption cases in some time. Jersey guy with gold bars stuffed in his jacket and a nice freezer of some halal meats. Anything else that might speak to the general character of this United States Senator? Menendez has denied any wrongdoing. According to court filings, his lawyers indicate he may try to blame his wife. Yes, it's those three magic words that every woman is dying to hear. It was her!

She did it! You know, I'd feel a lot worse for her if she wasn't also demonstrably a terrible person. But, read up on it. Perhaps, I can't explain everything right now. I'll just say this. It's fucking awful. But perhaps the dumbest thing about this entire not quite believable real housewives episode is how unnecessary it all is. You, sir, are an elected official in America's most respected legislative body. It's like a license to print money.

You don't need to break the law so cartoonishly when the legal corruption in the Senate is so fucking lucrative. Which brings us to our new segment, Senator Robert Menendez. How dumb is you? As a New Jersey resident, as a constituent of yours, Senator Menendez, I have to ask with all due respect, how fucking dumb is you? As a toll their own, to their own senator Menendez, I have to ask with all due respect, how fucking dumb is you?

Promising favors to foreign entities for a little chump change on the side, it's Bush League when as a US senator you can enrich yourself in so many different let's call them legal ways. For instance, the stock market. Members of Congress's stock portfolios consistently beat the S&P 500. The average hedge fund was beating the market at 7%. The study found that the average US senator was beating the S&P 500. The average hedge fund was beating the market at 7%. The study found that the average US senator was beating the stock market by 12%. The average US senator and if you think it's because the average US senator is just so smart, this is the average US senator.

Tommy Tupperville, an ex-football coach, who doesn't know the three branches of government. Oh, but when it comes to the stock market, he sees the matrix. How do they do it? Well, the secret is a shrewd understanding of the intricate, interconnectivity of global markets. I'm kidding. They have inside information.

California Congressman Democrat, named Alan Lowenthal, his wife, sold shares of Boeing March 5th of 2020. The very next day, the committee on which he serves in the house released a damaging report on the Boeing 737 Max. Oh my God, what timing? You see that? See that? See, the rest of us, is a thi, is a, th, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is a, is a, is a, is a, is a, is a, is a, is a, is a, is a, is a, is a, is a, is a, is a, is a, is a, is a, is a, is a, is a, is a, is a, is a, is a the, is a, is a, is a, is a the Boeing 737 Max. Oh my God, what timing? You see that? See, the rest of us only find out about Boeing's problems as we're being sucked out of the fuselage mid-flight. Just flying out over the wing.

You're flying in the air over the wings. You're flying in the air over the wings. Sell, sell! I don't think they're good! And it happens all the time. North Carolina Senator Richard Burr received a private briefing in 2020 about how bad the COVID pandemic was going to be for America and he immediately sold off his stocks saving himself a small fortune.

Of course he had a reasonable explanation. We wanted to ask you about those stock trades back in February of 2020. You know, the SEC says that you had material non-public information when you made those trades. I did look at what you put out. How is that not insider training? I'm so sorry, sir. I wanted to answer your question. If only there was a button that kept these elevator doors open. I don't know. By the way, for those you at home who don't have a gold-plated elevator elevator, you can avoid these types of questions yourself just by pretending to take the stairs. Oh, I'm sorry, I can't really tal you know.

I would take the elevator back up. I would do that bit more, but my knees. I would do that bit more, but my knees. As soon as I did the first one, because I didn't do it in rehearsal, I did it just now, and I was like, that's not a good idea. That's one of those who are like, stop the taping and pull me back up? Now, you might be wondering yourself, how does Congress get away with all this? Well, it may be because Congress is regulated by, let me check my notes. Congress! And it's Congress

that has refused to even hold a vote on the bills that have been proposed to ban members of Congress from trading stocks, because not letting members of Congress inside or trade would be un-American. Just listen to one of the biggest beneficiaries of this stock windfall. With members of Congress and their spouses, he banned from trading individual stocks while serving in Congress. No, I don't know to the second one. This is a free market in people.

We are free market economy. They should be able to participate in that. Ah, free market. Excuse me. I don't mean to interrupt. I'm Martha Stewart from the Why the f-f-fixt did I go th, I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I to interrupt I'm Martha Stewart from the Why the F. Did I go to jail times pick of you? Why the f-fix did I go to jail? But here's the thing. In a free market everyone has access to the same information. So unless you're going to put all of us on the committees, I don't get it. Now to be fair, Congress does have rules against corruption. Members of Congress are not allowed to receive what might be viewed as entaeeeeeeeaaeaea. to to to to to to to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be toe. toe. toe. toe. toe. toeck. toeck. toe. toe. toe. toe. toe. toe. toe. toe. toe. toe. toe. toe. toe. toe. toe. toe. I. Why, I. toe. I I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. toe. toe. toe. toe. toe. toe. toe. toe. toe. toe. toe. toe. toe. toe. toe. toe. toe. toe. toe. toe. toe. toe. I'm toe. I'm toe are not allowed to receive what might be viewed as enticements or bribes from lobbyists. No free concert tickets. They cannot accept food, baked goods, sandwiches, etc. It just would not be proper. But in Congress' infinite wisdom, they do allow organizations to set up what are called leadership packs, where a congressperson

can turn political donations from lobbyists into slush funds. A pharma lobbyist cannot buy a senator, a panini and some nightquil. But through the pack, they can pay for five-star hotels for Kirsten Gillibran, luxury resorts for Ted Cruz, and even golf lessons for Rand Paul. It's all in Ein Rind's famous book, Atlas Puttage. It's corruption. Really? That's maliterate crowd. I read that in college, Exeter. This is corruption in plain sight. We won't accept gifts, but if I want to have a luxury experience and you would like to pay for it and then join me on set experience where we can discuss issues important to you and your industry, who's the wiser, right? Senator Mike Lee of Utah? Shortly

after this sloped lunch for 22 friends, we decided to ask Senator Mike Lee, just why he's doing this. Politicians raise funds and this is what we do. I just want to like this. I enjoy skiing. Thank you very much. Yeah. Thanks a lot. From now on I am ending every uncomfortable conversation I ever have about anything with, I enjoy skiing. Good day. But, but, are luxury lobbying vacations still too much work, Senator Menendez? Because you could always write laws that directly benefit your side business, like the way Senator Grassley netted $370,000 in farm subsidies or or the $5.3 million the California rep Doug Lamalfa got for his gentleman farm.

And by the way, for that much money, you better be growing actual, fucking gentlemen. It's all legal and not a gold bar in sight. Or you can leverage your stature and government to get lucrative lobbying positions for your wife and your three kids, like Missouri Senator Roy Blunt. I don't even understand why that would be a question. Everybody's family does something. My father was a corporate lobbyist like his father and his father before him. Yes, everybody's family does something.

For instance, your daughter might receive unusually green-lighted Chinese patents, or your son-in-law might receive billions in no questions asked Saudi investment. Or your son might get a lucrative seat on a corporate board. Let's hear Hunter explained that one away. If your last name wasn't Biden, do you think you would have been asked to be on the board of Barisma? I don't know. I don't know.

Probably not. Holy shit. Out of all the senators and representatives who dodged and prevaricated and wouldn't answer any fucking questions, you know you're in trouble when the most honest and transparent person in a story of government corruption is the ex-crack head. Yeah. Now, you might... I don't know if I like John Stewart anymore. I don't know if I like John Stewart anymore. Now you might think someone should step in and stop Congress from being able to enrich themselves. Perhaps a Supreme Court.

Well, it will come as no surprise that the same guys who think it's fine to accept a luxury Winnebago from a wealthy businessman have made it much harder to police corruption. In a decision called McDonald v. the United States, they said that the appearance of corruption is not nearly enough for it to be considered against the law. It must be... This very narrow quid pro quo idea, you know, I'm going to give you kind of like a cartoonish sack of money in exchange for an actual vote. Whilst twirling my handlebar mustache, at every turn our Congress and our courts have been given a choice. Be less corrupt or redefine what constitutes corruption and get on with your bad

selves. It's a game of reverse limbo. Having trouble getting under the bar of corruption we've set? Well, ooh! How about now? Robert Menendez's gold bars, in exchange for favorable legislation is obviously cartoonishly corrupt. But for anyone out there who thinks the status quo of government patronage

and influence is of an entirely different species than Menendez? How dumb is you? John Stewart here. Unbelievably exciting news. My new podcast, The Weekly Show. We're going to be talking about the election, economics, ingredient to bread ratio on sandwiches. Listen to the Weekly Show with John Stewart wherever you get your podcast. Let's begin with King Charles, the undisputed winner of White Privilege. It's been one year since he was crowned eldest boy and he just got the photos developed. Mixed reaction this afternoon on the portrait just unveiled of King Charles. Take a look. It is the first since his

coronation. The oil on canvas work of art features the king dressed in all red with a red background. He's wearing the uniform of the Welsh guards but there's also a butterfly landing over his right shoulder. Oh, I just remembered I have to buy tampons. Now obviously this is a pretty big departure from other portraits of the royal family. For example, Queen Elizabeth was often painted with her beloved corgis. Compare that to Charles, who looks like he was painted with her corgis once Christy gnome was finished with. I do like having the butterfly there, though.

It says, I may be king of England, but I still love that song that goes, come my lady, come, my lady, you're my butterfly, sugar, baby. It's a great song. It's a really great song. Still holds up. Now, clearly, this painting has gotten a lot of negative feedback, but King Charles swears that he loves the portrait, which probably means he's having an affair with another portrait on the side.

But let's move on from a leader who struggled with infidelity to a leader who has no problem with it at all, Donald Trump. There's been a lot of news on the campaign trail today so let's get right into another edition of Indecision 2024. It looked like today was going to be a quiet day on the campaign trail. It's Wednesday, so Donald Trump had the day off from his porn star hush money trial, which he was going to spend trying to guess Melania's new phone number. But his arch-nemoist Joe Biden had other plans. And breaking news just moments ago, President Biden grows down the gauntlet and frankly

some shade to Donald Trump, challenging him to a debate. Donald Trump lost two debates to me in 2020. Since then he hadn't shown up for debate. Now he's acting like he wants to debate me again. Well, make my day, pal. I'll even do it twice. So let's pick the dates, Donald. I hear you're free on Wednesdays. Oh, shit! Yeah!

Now, that's the Joe Biden I know and moderately like. He ain't scared of nothing besides, you know, natural causes. I gotta admit, there was part of me that thought Joe Biden would be afraid to debate Donald Trump because, you know, debating involves a lot of talking and thinking and standing, but woo! The way that he powered through that 14-second video makes me think he's got this. Now, I don't know exactly why he dropped this challenge now. Maybe he heard all those stories about Trump sleeping through the trial and thought, I can take this guy. We're on the same nap schedule.

But come on, Trump skipped every primary debate like it was for play. There's no way he's going to accept Biden's challenge. The former president responded to that video this morning on truth social saying, just tell me when, I'll be Ithere, let's get ready to rumble. Oh shit! It's on, yeah, let's get ready to rumble. Make my day. I see dead people.

I want you to draw me like one of your French girls. Wednesdays, we wear pink. Welcome to Jurassic Park. Yeah, we're making moves now. Biden and Trump have agreed to debate, but they still need to agree on a date and a host. And those logistics don't just come together within 45 minutes. President Joe Biden and Donald Trump have just accepted CNN's invitation

to hold a debate on June 27th. That's just in a few weeks. Wow. Okay. June 27th, Joe Biden is going to be debating Donald Trump. Yay! I can't wait to watch. Like this. But yeah, everything moved so quickly. But yeah, everything moved so quickly.

Biden dropped that video and by noon they had scheduled two debates. It's amazing how when they want to do something, they can get it done super fast. That kind of makes you wonder why they don't fix other problems this fast, but whatever. I'll enjoy it. Now, obviously, there are still details to be worked out, because even though Joe Biden said, make my day, he really meant make my day subject to terms and conditions. The Biden campaign wants a debate to occur inside a TV studio with microphones that automatically cut off when a speaker's time limit elapses and they want it to be just the two candidates

and the moderator without the raucous in-person audiences that Mr. Trump feeds on and without the participation of Robert F. Kennedy, Jr., or other independent or third party candidates. Yeah, I get where Biden's coming from on this. You don't want crowds because they give Donald Trump energy and you don't want RFK Jr. because you can't risk losing to the guy with the brain worms. So they have to work out the details. Trump has to agree to Biden's stipulations and he might have demands of his own. Like, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, th, th, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or thi, or, or th, or th, or, th, or th, or, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi, thi, thi, thi, th work out the details. Trump has to agree to Biden's stipulations, and he might have demands of his own, like every candidate gets a get-out-of-jail-free card.

Or the debate moderator has to be a lady, and she has to kiss them on the mouth, like the old family food. For more on this looming presidential debate, we go live to Michael Costa at CNN headquarters. Hey, David. Michael, how are the candidates preparing? Both sides are buckling down, Desi. President Biden is doing his classic pre-debate ritual of a glass of hot tea, an IV full of methamphetamines. Meanwhile, Trump's team is teaching him how to dig a tunnel through concrete with a spork, so he'll be able to break out of prison.

Okay, Michael, is all this even necessary? I mean, both candidates have already been president. We're not going to learn anything new about their policies. Yeah, but this debate is not about learning their policies. It's about giving the American people a chance to see which candidate, medically speaking, has the least fucked up body. Neither of them are giving us any details about their physical or mental health, so this is our only chance to get them in a room together

and see if they can do presidential tasks, like talk coherently for an hour or not hemorrhage blood through an orifice. Okay, so you're saying that the American people should see this less as a debate and more as a secret medical exam? Yeah, yeah, yes, which is why I suggest that CNN add some additional stipulations. For example, the candidates should each defend their tax policy while following this finger with their eyes. Or have them bend down and lift a five-pound kettle bell and see who breaks the least amount of bones,

or bring out one of their grandkids and see if either of them know whose grandkid it is, or simply just see which one of them can start a lawnmower. Okay, so basically we evaluate their physical and mental health, and whoever scores the highest gets to be president. Absolutely not. No, this is all a ruse. Once we get Biden and Trump in a room together, we can lock the door and the rest of us can sneak out of America. Then, we start a new country with younger candidates, you know, ones whose first kiss wasn't in the backseat of a Model T.

But Michael, even if we could do that, at some point Biden and Trump would find their way to this new country, right? Maybe, but the only entrance will be through a spiral staircase, so good luck. You thought of everything. See in our new nation buddy, Michael Costa, everyone. Explore more shows from the Daily Show podcast universe by searching the Daily Show, wherever you get your podcasts. Watch the Daily Show weeknights at 11, 10 on Comedy Central and stream full episodes anytime on Fairmount Plus

This has been a comedy central podcast Hey everybody John Stewart here. I am here to tell you about my new podcast the weekly show coming out every Thursday We're gonna be talking about the election earnings calls. What are they talking about on these earnings calls. What are they talking about on these earnings calls? What are they talking about on the the the??? the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the to. to. to. to. to. tel tel tel tel tel. tel. tel. tel. tel. tel. the the the tel. A tel. A tel. A tel. A tel. A tel. A tel. A the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the tel. tel. tel. tel. tel. tel. tel. tel. tel. tel. tel. tel. tel. tel. tel. tel. tel. tel. tel. tel. tel. tel. tel. tel. the tel out every Thursday. We're going to be talking about the election earnings calls. What are they talking about on these earnings calls? We're going to be talking about ingredient to bread ratio on sandwiches. I know you have a lot of options as far as podcasts go but how many of them come out on Thursday. Listen to the weekly show with John Stewart wherever you get your podcast.