The Daily Show: Ears Edition - ICYMI - Last Week's Top Stories

Episode Date: July 27, 2020

Chris Wallace fact-shames President Trump, protests intensify in Portland, OR, and Representative Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez issues a powerful statement from the House floor. Learn more about your ad-choices at https://www.iheartpodcastnetwork.comSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

You're listening to Comedy Central. Finding great candidates to hire can be like trying to find a needle in a haystack. You might get a lot of resumes, but not enough candidates with the right skills or experience. But not with Zip Recruiter. Zip Recruiter finds amazing candidates for you fast. And right now you can try it for free at Zip Recruiter. Zip Recruits smart technology identifies top talent for your roles quickly. Immediately after you post your job, zip recruiter's powerful matching technology

starts showing you qualified people for it, and you can use zip recruiter's pre-written invite to apply message to personally reach out to your favorite candidates and encourage them to apply sooner. Ditch the other hiring sites, and let zip recruiter find what you're looking for, the needle in the haystack. Four out of five employers who post on Zip Recruiter Get a Quality Candidate Within the First Day. Try it for free at this exclusive web address, Zip Recruiter.com slash zip. Zip Recruiter. Sip Recruit, the smartest way to hire. President Trump sat down for an interview with Chris Wallace, the only reporter at Fox News who isn't trying to become the next press secretary.

And you can tell that he isn't, because this was no softball interview. In fact, it was pretty much a master class in how not to let Trump get away with his usual bullshit. Like, you know how Trump is always bragging about how well the United States is doing with the coronavirus? Well, here's what happened when he tried that move with Chris Wallace. I think we have one of the lowest mortality rates. It's not true.

We're going to take a look. We had 900 deaths on a single day. We will take a look. This week? Ready? You can check it out. Could you please get me the mortality rate? Kaley's right here. I heard we have one of the lowest, maybe the lowest mortality rate anywhere in the world. You have the numbers, please?

Because I heard we had the best mortality rate. This is the case fate of Som, and this is... Number one, low mortality rate. I hope you show the scenario, because it shows what fake news is all about. Okay, go ahead. I don't think I'm fake news, but I will put our stats on. You said we had the worst mortality rate in the world when we had the best.

All right, it's a little complicated, but bear with us. We went with numbers from Johns Hopkins University, which charted the mortality rate for 20 countries hit by the virus. The US ranked 7th, better than the United Kingdom, but worse than Brazil and Russia. The White House went with this chart from the European CDC, which shows Italy and Spain doing worse, but countries like Brazil and South Korea doing better. Other countries doing better like Russia aren't included in the White House chart. Oh, you see? Chris Wallace did two things right there that Trump absolutely hates. He proved him wrong and he made him do homework. And the funniest part about this to me, isn't that Trump used a bullshit chart to prove

that America has the best mortality rate? It's that even on a bullshit chart, it's still not true. I mean, if you just want any chart to to to to be a to be a to be a the to be a the the the the to be a the the the the th. thiauia? th. thiole? th. thiole? th. thiol-a' th. th. th. th. th. thiol-n't thiol-n't thiol-s. th. th. th. thi-s th. thi-s thi-n. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi-n. thi-n't thi-n't thininininthinthinthinthinthinthinthinthinthinthin. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. treeauuu. C. C. tr. tru. tru. C. tru. tru. tru. tru. truee. C. th. th it's still not true. I mean, if you just want any chart that's gonna show how well you're doing, just go all the way with it. And that wasn't the only time Trump tried to bring receipts that he didn't actually have. Here he is attempting to prove that Joe Biden said he wants to defund the police. They want to defund the police and Biden wants to fund the fund the police sir he does not look he signed a charter with Bernie Sanders I will get that one just like I was right on the mortality rate did you read the charter that he agrees there's nothing

about defunding all really it says abolish it says a fund let's go all right well give me give me the charter please all right you've got to start studying for these he says defund the police he says defund the police the police the police the police the police they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they the they they they they they the the they the they they they they the the they they the they they they the the th. th. the the the the. the. the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th I I th I th I the te is te is te is te is te is te is tell. tell tell. tell tell tell tell tell tell tell to to tell the is says, defund the police. He says, defund the police. They talk about abolishing the police. They talk about illegal aliens, pouring. I look forward to seeing. Sir, I'm not disagreeing with you on any of those. I'm disagreeing about defund police. The White House never sent us evidence that Bernie Biden platform calls for defunding or abolishing police because there is none.

Oh man, I don't care how many times I watch it. It is priceless, seeing Trump flail around, trying to find a fact that he made up. And it actually shows you how his brain just kind of mixes up everything he reads into one big information smoothie. Because clearly, he read that Biden wants to abolish immigration detention, and he also read that Biden wants police reform, and then his brain just mashed them up into,

Biden wants to abolish the police. I kind of want to give Trump a book to read, just to see how he would explain it back to me. Green eggs and ham is a tragic story about two eggs that want to marry a ham. They want to get married. They love each other. But again, another great fact check from Chris Wallace. And I've got to admit, I love Chris Wallace, the journalist. But Chris Wallace, the dad, must be a nightmare. His kids are probably coming home like, yeah, school was fine.

We just did a bunch of work. I just put my head down and worked. Well, actually, I have photo evidence here of you spending all day under the bleachers vaping while making out., th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, tham, tham, tham, tham, tham, and tham, and tham, and tham, and tham, and thamam, and tham, and tham, and tham, and tham, and tham, and tham, and tham, and tham, and tham, and tham, and th, and th, and th, and th, and them, and them, and them, and them, and them, and them, and tham, and them, and tham, and tham, and tham, and tham, and thin, and tham, and they thin, they thin, and thin, and thama' thama' thama' thama, and thama, and th Well, actually, I have photo evidence here of you spending all day under the bleachers vaping while making out with Samantha. And honestly, it got to the point where Chris Wallace wasn't just fact-checking Trump. He was fact-shaming him. Because for years now, Trump has been bragging about what a good score he got

on some cognitive ability test. And yesterday, Wallace flat out told Trump that his test score ain't shit. In the Fox poll, they ask people, who is more competent? Who's got, whose mind is sounder? I didn't beats you in that. Well, I tell you what, let's take a test.

Let's take a test, theer the same test that I took. Incidentally, I took the test too when I heard that you passed it. Yeah, how did you do? Well, it's not the hardest test. No, but the last picture and it's a less. And it's an elephant. No, no, no. You see, that's all misrepresentation. Well, that's the the the the the their. their. the the the the thr-I. the thoic. the the the the t. tapapapape. tha. tha. tha. tha. thau. thau. thauant. thauant. tasks. tasks. tasks. tasks. tasks. tha. tha. tasks. tasks. tests. tests. tests. tests. tas. tas. tas. tas. tas. tests. tas. tests. tests. tas. tas. tas. tas. tas. t. t. t. t. t. t. t. tas. tas. te. te. te. te. te. te. te. te. te. te. te. te. te. te. te. te. t five questions. I'll bet you couldn't. They get very hard the last five questions. Well, one of them was count back from 100 by seven. And let me tell you. And you couldn't answer, you couldn't answer many of the questions. I'd get you the test. I'd like to give it. But I guarantee you that Joe Biden could not answer those questions. Okay. And I answered I'm th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. th. th. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. thea. thea. tea. tea.oooooooooooooooea. tea. tea. tea. thoooea. thea. the. questions correctly. Wow, guys. This is sort of making me sad right now. Because Trump is trying so hard to claim he's a genius

because he passed a test where you have to identify an elephant. Which let's be honest, even for Trump is too easy. I mean, if they wanted to test Trump, they shouldn't have asked him to identify an elephant. Yeah, that would have been impressive. Is it, is it this one? No, that's Jared, sir. Okay, but I was close, right?

And also, counting back from a hundred by seven is super easy. Anyone can do it is 100. 93. Uh, 86. You don't have to be a genius. And you know what, jokes aside, I actually do feel reassured that Trump passed that cognitive test. Because someday, when terrorists threaten to kidnap the Washington monument, unless the president correctly identifies an elephant, you know Trump's got that shit handled. It's that one. It's the rhino with the long nose. Now, Wallace covered a lot of ground in this interview.

But no matter the subject, Trump managed to make it weird. For instance, when Wallace asked Trump about army bases named after Confederate generals, this is what he said. The National Defense Authorization Act, the NDAA, you have threatened to veto it because in the bill, and this is supported by Republicans as well as Democrats, it would rename army bases name for Confederate generals. We won two world wars, two world wars, beautiful world wars that were vicious and horrible, and we want them out of Fort Bragg. We want to, out of all of these forts that now they want they want to to th, to to to to to to th, to to to th, to to th, to th, to th, to the, to the, the, the, the, the, threats, the, the, theathea, threats, threats, the, the, the, the, the, veto, veto, veto, veto, veto the, vetoe, vetoe, vetoe, veto, veto, veto, veto, veto, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, threat, threathweteeteeteeteer, threathwe, threathwe, threaten, threaten, threate, threat, threat, threa, threat, vetoed, vetoed, threat, vetoed, vetoed, threa, vetoed, threateate, them out of Fort Bragg. We want to out of all of these forts that now they want to throw those names away. Go to

that community where Fort Bragg is in a great state. I love that state. Go to go to the community. Say how do you like the idea of renaming Fort Bragg? And then what are we going to name it? You're going to name it after the . Reverend Reverend Reverend Reverend Reverend the Reverend the Reverend the Reverend the Reverend the Reverend the Reverend the Reverend the Reverend the Reverend the Reverend the Reverend the Reverend the Reverend the Reverend the Reverend the're going to name it after the Reverend Al-Sharpton? Okay, I'm sorry, what? Two beautiful world wars? This dude really can't objectify anything. We've had two beautiful, bangable world wars, totally tens.

That is such a dumb thing to say, that they didn't even think to put something like that on the cognitive test. Should we ask people about both World Wars and see if they find them attractive or not? No, forget it. Nobody's brain is that broken. So the elephant should look like this, yeah? Also, how insulting is it to say that people might rename the bases after L. Sharpton. Of course they should rename itthat would be for enemy soldiers. Ah, Scheiser, here comes the El Sharpton Brigade.

They're gonna call us out on our racism, we're gonna get so canceled. This almost goes without saying, but there's a giant middle ground between naming bases after Confederate generals and naming them after El Sharpton. I mean, America has had lots of non-Confedera generals. And Trump should know that he's fired a lot of them. I mean, you can make any problem sound ridiculous if you pretend El Sharpton is the only solution. President Trump, we need universal health care. Oh, who's going to be your doctor? El Sharpton? But here's the thing. As incredible as it was to see Trump face a real interviewer, nothing Wallace says is going to convince Trump that he's wrong about anything. Because as Trump showed, even when he is already being proven wrong, he

still insists that eventually he's going to be right. Dr. Fauci at the beginning said, this will pass, don't worry about it, this will pass. He was wrong. But you made mistakes too. I guess everybody make... I was going to say, you said at one point, I think we're going to be very good with the coronavirus. I think that at some point point that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's going that's going that's going that's going that's going to be to be to be to be to be very to be very to be to be that's. I's. I'll that's. I'll that's. I'll that's. I'll that's. I'll to be going to be to be to be very to be very to be very to be very to be very to be very to be very to be very to be very to be going. to be going. to be going. to be going. to be going. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. to. to. th. th. to. to. th. th. to. to. th. to. to. the to. some point that's going to sort of just disappear, I hope. I'll be right eventually. I will be right, eventually. You know, I said it's going to disappear.

I'll say it again. It's going to disappear. And I'll be right. Eventually, I'll be right. That's not how being right works. If you guess the wrong answer, the answer, to of the answers will be Marge Simpson. But that answer does expose the fundamental truth about Trump. He's much more concerned about being able to say his right than about actually being right.

If coronavirus ends up wiping out the entire planet except for Trump, he'll be standing at a podium all by himself saying, you see folks, it totally disappeared, I was right. Portland, Oregon, the first city to legalize marriage between a bookstore and a bike shop. Portland has now seen more than 50 straight days of Black Lives Matter protests. But over the last few days, something new has been happening, with more and more protesters facing off against heavily armed law enforcement in some very dramatic ways. Mom's gathered singing, please don't shoot me last night. But local media says federal agents again use tear gas, flash bangs,

and pepper balls to disperse the crowd. Some people are calling a 53 year old Navy veteran, the superman of Portland because of how he did not react after being hit by federal officers with batons and then tear gas. I'm sure you've seen this woman who's been dubbed naked Athena. She showed up at protests very calm, very confident, wearing nothing but a face mask and a beanie. And just so you know she's wearing courage and the police did disperse when she just sat there and showed her body. Protesting naked? Now that's bravery. did disperse when she just sat there and showed her body. Protesting naked? Now that's bravery.

Although are we sure being naked is part of her protest? I mean, she could just be one of those people who spent so much time in lockdown that they forgot that they have to wear clothes when they leave the house. Again, I'm sorry to everyone in that bodega, all right? I was just popping in to buy some nuts. I didn't mean for everybody to see mine. And how dope are those moms? You know your protest is picking up steam when your mom shows up. My Jeremy wants to fight the system,

because this guy is a real ACAV, right Jeremy? Mom, I told you I can defeat fascism by myself! God! What's behind this new wave of protests in Portland? Well, they're reacting to a recent move by the Trump administration that has put the whole city on edge. You see, for months, local officials there had been allowing peaceful demonstrations without too much interference. But President Trump was not happy about that. So he decided to send in the feds, which led to scenes like this.

A crisis unfolding in Portland, Oregon, after video surfaced that showed massed and camouflage federal agents detaining peaceful protesters. Attorney General Ellen Rosenblum says federal officers are the ones escalating the violence. She's now suing several federal agencies for actions like this. What is going on? Who are you? Three or four, five of them jumping out of the unmarked vans at night, grabbing people off the streets, putting them into their vans.

Man, that sounds less like democracy and more like an episode of narcos. Unidentified soldiers, throwing protesters into an unmarked van on the streets of Portland? Like I don't care who you are. Nothing good has ever come from an unmarked van. It's never like, get on the van, get in the unmarked van! We're going in Disney World! And how are people even supposed to tell the difference between being arrested and being kidnapped? Because I don't know if you notice this, but in America, random dudes walk around in camo gear holding guns all the tine.... I I I I tie. I I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. th. thi. th. thi. thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, the, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. I, th. I, the, the, the, the, the, the, toge, to to to toge, to to to to to toe toge, toe toge, thin, thoooooo' the, ththis, but in America, random dudes walk around in camo gear holding guns all the time. I mean, can you tell which of these is a federal officer and which one is doing army man cosplay?

Because I can't. So if you ask me, there's only one solution here. And that solution is that everyone should dress up in camo. That's the only way everyone's going to be safe. That way, when they come to arrest you and throw you in their van, you can be like, No, I'm arresting you and throwing you in my van. And then things will get so confusing that eventually you get thrown in your own van, you can just drive home. Now, if you're sitting at home wondering, eh, Trump says that he's planning to send these secret police to cities all across America.

So you might want to get naked and call your mom because shit's about to go down. Finding great candidates to hire can be like trying to find a needle in a haystack. You might get a lot of resumes, but not enough candidates with the right skills or experience. But not with zip recruiter finds amazing candidates for you.. to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to the to to to to to to to to to to their to to their the cities all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all to toe. toe. toe. toe. toe. toe. toeateateateateateateateateateateateateateateateateateateateateateateateateateat. toe. to to to toe with the right skills or experience. But not with Zip Recruiter. Zip Recruiter finds amazing candidates for you fast. And right now you can try it for free at Zip Recruiter.

Zip Recruiter's smart technology identifies top talent for your roles quickly. Immediately after you post your job, Zip Recruiters powerful matching technology start showing you qualified people for it, and you can use Zip Recruiter's pre-written invite to apply message to personally reach out to your favorite candidates and encourage them to apply sooner. Ditch the other hiring sites and let Zip Recruiter find what you're looking for, the needle in the haystack. Four out of five employers who post on Zip Recruiter get a quality candidate within the first day. Try it for free at this exclusive web address.

Zip Recruiter.com slash zip. Again that's zip recruiter.com slash zip. Zip Recruiter the smartest way to hire. When 60 Minutes premiered in September 1968, there was nothing like it. This is 60 Minutes. It's a kind of a magazine for television. Very few have been given access to the treasures in our archives. But that's all about to change. Like none of this stuff gets looked at. That's what's incredible.

I'm Seth Done of CBS News. Listen to 60 Minutes, a second look, starting September 17, wherever you get your podcasts. Kanye West, hip-hop superstar and Kim Kardashian's eldest child. Kanye has been promoting a new album slash presidential campaign, and it has not been going great. Kanye West is moving forward with his campaign for president. He held a rally in Charleston, South Carolina yesterday. Arriving on stage with the year 2020 shaved into the back of his head and wearing what appeared to be a military style vest, West appeared to be putting forward policy proposals on the fly. Everybody that has a baby gets a million dollars or something he had a man before.

And at one point he broke down into tears while describing how he was nearly aborted by his parents. There would have been no Kanye West because my dad was too busy. I'm gonna kill my daughter. I almost killed my daughter. One of the more controversial statements of the night, though, came when he criticized abolitionist Harriet Tubman. Well, Harriet Tubman never actually freed the slaves. Jesus had the slaves go work for the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the their their their their their the the the the the theared theared theared the the was thoadorsorsorsorsorsors thoaday thoaday tha theared theared theared theared the. There the. There was the was the was the was the was the was the was the was the was theared theared theared theared theared theared theared theared theared theared theared thea tha tha tha tha tha tha tha tha tha tha.a. tha. thaua. thoaauaua. thauaua. thaaaua. tha. tha tha th came when he criticized abolitionist Harriet Tubman. Well Harriet Tubman never actually freed the slaves?

Jesus had the slaves go-word for all the white people. Y'all, we leave it right now. Okay, this is officially the weirdest hip-hop beef of all time. You're gonna go off to Harriet Tubman for not getting the slaves better jobs? What was she supposed to do? Run the Underground Railroad and LinkedIn? I mean I guess congratulations though. You know, Kanye found a campaign hat that black people are even less likely to wear than Trump's. And honestly guys, I don't know what to make of this. I genuinely don't know what to make of this.

You know, but because my take away from this event is that Kanye West doesn't seem well. Like I feel like someone who thi tha th his microphone away, although ironically the best person for that job is Kanye. The battle for justice in America continues every single day. But if it seems like there's no end in sight, at least there's progress on some of the smaller issues. Trader Joe's supermarket chain is under fire. It's being urged to change some of the names of its ethnic foods. Over 1,000 people have signed a petition urging the company to rename products labeled Trader Mings, Trader Jose's, and Trader John Oaks. Trader Joe's says they have been in a year's long process of repackaging products and will soon complete the work. We did it. Black Lives Matter. No justice, no peace. And also renamed the pasta. But look, I get why people people people people people people people people people people people people people people people people people people people people people people people people people people people people people people people the the the the the the the their the their their their their their their their. I their. I their their their their their. And also rename the pasta.

But look, I get why people complained about how they were branding the foods in Trader Joe's. Like, let's be honest, you don't have to call something Trader Mings for them to know that it's Chinese food. Just like you don't have to call it Trader Karins for them to know that it has pumpkin spice in it. So I am glad that that that that that that that th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi the the thi thi the the the thi thi thi their their their their their their their their their their is is is is is their is their is is their is is their is is is their is is is their is is is their their their is is is their is their is their is their is their is their is their is their is their is thi. I thi is thi. I am thi is thi is thr-iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii. I thr-iiiii. tha. thi is thamping these labels if this is what people want. And you know, if your company is over 60 years old, it's inevitable. The branding is going to become problematic at some point. I mean, you should see what honey nut Cheerios look like up until last week.

Phew. They were dope. That was problematic. Now, you may be wondering, what happens to all this food after it gets canceled? Like do they just throw it away thuuuuuu, th, th, th, th, th, thu, thu, thu, thu, thu, thu, thu, thu, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, th. that, that, that, th. thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi, that, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thruuu. th thri. thriiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii. thri. theeeeeeeeee. So, Like do they just throw it away? Because I mean that seems like a waste. Well, the good news is there's actually a grocery service that gives you the food you need with all of the racial insensitivity you crave. Are you sad because your favorite problematic brands have been canceled? Aunt Jemima was canceled. Then you need Bigot Basket. Biggat Basket delivers all the brands that you won't find in those PC was canceled. Then you need Bigot Basket. Bigot Basket delivers all the brands that you won't find in those PC grocery stores. Products like Gontcha Maima, Uncle Ben,

Builder Walnuts, Tucker Carlsonos, and white chocolate. Sure, you could buy the same exact food under a different name, but you have a sophisticated palate. And you know food tastes better when it's making someone sad. And to own the libs even more, all our deliveries are packaged in those plastic rings that kill turtles. So order your bigot basket today. Use promo code all I've mattered to get 10% off. Corona virus.

The only thing living its best life in 2020. Over the past 24 hours, multiple states, including Texas and Florida, reported record COVID-19 fatalities. And for everyone who's asking what America is doing wrong, well, one viral photo might offer a clue. A tale of two countries, this picture is going viral for highlighting the difference in COVID-19 responses between the United States and Canada. At the top of your screen, a packed American tour boat at Niagara Falls carrying hundreds

of people. You can see them in blue ponchos. The bottom is a Canadian one carrying just a half dozen tourists. They're the ones in red. The images show the two vessels passing passing each each this month. Yep. Apparently while Canadian boats at Niagara Falls have a passenger limit of six people, American boats are just bawling out. I mean just look at how all of those Americans are packed together on that boat. I'm not even sure if that's missed from the waterfall. That could just be everyone coughing. Look obviously I'm joking, all right? Most people might be safe because they're outdoors in the mist and the wind.

I don't know. But still, this photo really is a metaphor for how differently the U.S. is treating this pandemic from all other countries. I mean, of all the things to risk dying for, looking at a waterfall is the worst choice. Until there's a vaccine. Stick to to to to the rivers the rivers the rivers the rivers the rivers the rivers the rivers the the the the the the the the the th. th. th. there's a vaccine. Stick to the rivers and the lakes that you're used to. I will say though, I also feel like Canada's being a little too safe. I mean, come on, you guys have free health care. Live a little.

And by the way, keeping boats from being overcrowded isn't the only thing Canada is doing to stop the spread of corona. The CDC in the Canadian province of British Columbia just released official health guidelines telling Canadians to try using glory holes for safer sex. Because they say the wall stops you from breathing on each other, but the hole keeps the magic happening. And if ever there was a sign, this is how you know coronavirus is really bad. When doctors are like, okay, go stick your dick

in a wall, it'll save lives. Now look, I don't know about glory holes, but my personal advice is if you want to be real safe, everyone needs to have sex the same way Mike Pence does. What you do is you go in the bedroom first and then you lock the door behind you so nobody else can come in. Sex. Oh, and while we're on the subject, here's another tip. Guys, wear a mask over your balls, okay? It doesn't stop the virus, it's just no one wants to see your balls. They're like the bottom of a cupcake. The party's on top, just hide that stuff. In other news, football is coming back,

but the Washington Redskins will now be called the Washington football team, as they continue to look for a replacement mascot. According to ESPN, this is not the final name of the team, but they needed something in place before games begin this season. A new permanent name and logo is still in the works. I'm sorry, that is the laziest team name I have ever heard. I mean, they renamed a professional football franchise, the same way you save phone numbers of people you just met. Uh, karaoke dude with the big ears who sings Strange.

Uh, okay, woman from the bar. Idiot co-worker, Michael Costa. For real, guys, the Washington football team? That doesn't sound like a professional organization. It sounds like they can only the professional a professional a professional a professional the professional the professional the professional the professional the professional the professional the professional the professional the professional the professional the professional the professional the professional the professional the professional the professional the professional the professional their their their their their f. their f. their f. their f. their f. their f. their f. their f. I f. I the same the same the same the same the same the same the same same the same the same the same the same same same same the same same same same same same same same same same same same same the same same same their f. their f. their f. I f. I f. I f. I f. I f. I f. I f. I's f. I's f. I's. I's their f. I'm their f. I'm the the th. th. th. I'm th. tho. tho. tho. tho. tho. I'm. tho. tho. I'm. th. th. th. I'm the th. the the football team? That doesn't sound like a professional organization. It sounds like they ran out of cash, and now they can only afford the store-brand version of team names. It's like when my mom couldn't buy us Cheerios, so instead she bought us Oat-Circles.

Out-Circles. Oat-surtles? Eat this in the NFL. Yeah, because now when someone asks you who you're rooting for, you can be like, uh, the football team? Yeah, and then you sound like you know what you're talking about. Oh, interesting choice. You're going with the football team. Yeah, I like when they do the ball.

But let's move on now to some news that's really that's really that's really that's really that's really that's really that's really that's really that's really that's really that's really that's really that's really that's really that's really that's that's it's an historic space race to Mars, the Red Planet. China launched its first ever mission to Mars this morning. A six-wheeled robot lifted off on the long March 5 rocket from the island south of China's mainland. Details are top secret. China's not even releasing the rover's name. It should get there in orbit sometime in February, right behind the rover hope launched by the United Arab Emirates. That was on Monday. The US expecting to launch its rover, Perseverance, from Cape Canaveral,

I mean next week. They're going to have a traffic jam up there. Wait, wait, wait, wait. Why is everybody trying to go to Mars? I mean, there's never been a movie on Mars that ends well. Best case scenario, you lose a tonton of weight because you're on an old potato diet. Like, that's it. And also, is this the best time for space exploration? Come on, scientists. I know you want to have fun, but we need you focused on the pandemic. Now is not playtime. No Mars until you finish your corona,

and then you can have Mars. Don't you look at me like that, young scientist. Moving on to politics. Yesterday we talked about how a Republican congressman named Ted Yoho called Representative Alexandria Ocacio Cortez a fucking bitch in the halls of the Capitol building. Well, this morning, AOC fired back with both barrels. An extraordinary moment on the House floor just a few minutes ago. Congresswoman Alexandria, Ocassio Cortez, tez, tez, tez, to to to to to to to to to to thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, they, they, they, they, the House floor just a few minutes ago. Congresswoman Alexandria Ocasio Cortez talking about Republican congressman Ted Yoho throwing expletives at her.

I was minding my own business, walking up the steps. And Representative Yoho put his finger in my face. He called me disgusting. He called me crazy. And in front of reporters, Representative Yoho called me, and I quote, a fucking bitch. And I want to be clear that Representative Yoho's comments were not deeply hurtful or piercing to me because I have worked a working-class job. I have waited tables in restaurants. I have ridden

the subway. I have tossed men out of bars that have used language like Mr. Yoho's. Mr. Yoho mentioned that he is a wife and two daughters. I am someone's daughter too. And I am here because I have to show my parents that I am their daughter and that they did not raise me to accept abuse from men. And you know, I don't care what anybody says. I am glad AOC came out on the house floor and said exactly what that congressman said to her, expletives and all. Because if you only hear about the story on the news, you've probably heard them say that Yoho used a derogatory language or an offensive term or he made a decorum, whoopsy.

AOC is absolutely right. Time and time again, powerful men hide behind the fact that they have daughters as a way to shield themselves from accusations of sexism. It's almost like these dudes are out there gender reveal parties like, yay, it's pink. It's th pink, it's pink, it's pink, it's pink, it's th pink, it's thi it's thi thi, it's pink, it's thi, it's thi, it's thi, it's thi, it's thi, it's thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, thi, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, that, the, theooo, theooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo. And, the, the are out there, gender reveal parties like, yay, it's pink! Oh man, I'm finally going to have a political prop to excuse my bad behavior. This is the happiest day of my life. Before we go, I just wanted to remind you that America is facing a nationwide poll worker shortage. And that's because most poll workers are over 60, and coronavirus is still out there so they're fewer polling stations open, and it means there's going the most most most most most most most most most most most most most most their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be more more more more to be toeoleckioleckioleckioleckiol-a. toeckiol-a. toe. toe. toe. toe. toe. toe. toe. toe. toe. toe. toe. toe. thiiiiiiiiiiii.... their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. thi. thi. thi. t t t t t t te. te. t te. te. te. te. te. th tea. te. th t cannot show up. But fewer poll workers means that there are fewer polling stations open, and it means there's going to be longer lines

that not everybody can afford to wait in, especially in communities of color. But now here's the good news. Most poll working is paid. Yeah? Paid. And in some states, you can be as young as 16 to work. Over the past two weeks, we've part part part part part part part part part part part part part part part part the th and th and th and th and th and th and th and the th and th past two weeks we've partnered with power to the polls to ask you to be a poll worker and over 40,000 of you have already signed up. So thank

you to every single one of you who are giving your time to save your granny and protect democracy. And if you haven't signed up yet and you want to make some money then just go to the link below to learn more. The Daily Show with Cover Noa, Ears Edition. Watch the Daily Show Weeknights at 11, 10 Central on Comedy Central and the Comedy Central and the Comedy Central Act. Watch full episodes and videos at the Daily Show.com. Follow us on Facebook, Twitter and Instagram, and subscribe to the Daily Show on YouTube for exclusive content and more. This has been a Comedy Central podcast. When 60 Minutes premiered in September 1968, there was nothing like it.

This is 60 Minutes. It's a kind, there was nothing like it. This is 60 Minutes. It's a kind of a magazine for television. Very few have been given access to the treasures in our archives. You're rolling? But that's all about to change. Like none of this stuff gets looked at. That's what's incredible. I'm Seth Done of CBS News.

Listen to 60 Minutes, a second look.