The Daily Show: Ears Edition - ICYMI - Love in the Time of Coronavirus

Episode Date: May 29, 2020

From mutual breakups to virtual meetups, Trevor examines the many ways romantic couples are being affected by the global COVID-19 pandemic. Learn more about your ad-choices at https://www.iheartpodcastnetwork.comSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

You're listening to Comedy Central. When 60 Minutes premiered in September 1968, there was nothing like it. This is 60 Minutes. It's a kind of a magazine for television. Very few have been given access to the treasures in our archives. But that's all about to change. Like none of this stuff gets looked at. That's what's incredible. I'm Seth Done of CBS News. Listen to 60 Minutes, a second look, starting September 17th, wherever you get your podcasts.

Now, the coronavirus outbreak has been amazing for Ying Ying and Lily's relationship. Yeah, because with no one around, those two panda been amazing for Ying Ying and Lily's relationship. Yeah, because with no one around, those two panda bears have started having more sex than Donald Trump whenever Malani is out of town. I'm joking, of course. He doesn't care if she's in town or not. But it turns out, for us human panda bears, the coronavirus hasn't been as beneficial for our love lives. Business is booming right now for Eleanor Alta, a prominent divorce lawyer in the epicenter

of the pandemic, New York City. I'm seeing an uptick in calls. People calling at all hours of the night seeking legal advice. I'm getting a lot of calls about people who are in close quarters with a person that they were planning to divorce perhaps this year. It hasn't happened yet. Wondering if they can they can they can they can they can they can th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th thi is booming is booming is booming is booming is booming is booming thoomomomomomome thoom thoomorrow is booming is booming is booming is booming is booming is boomomomomomomomoomomoomomomom th th th thoom thoom th thoom th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi the thi the the thi thi thi thoomorrow. thoomorrow thoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooom. thooom. thoom person that they were planning to divorce perhaps this year it hasn't happened yet, wondering if they can go forward with a divorce during the pandemic. Yeah, coronavirus is the worst thing to happen to marriages since the invention of the pool boy. Why who's got to be so sexy when you're raking those leaves in the pool, pool boy? And getting divorced is already a stressful experience. But getting divorced when you can't leave,

sweet lord, that must be the worst. Just imagine, if you lived in like a New York City apartment, what do you do then? Huh? Okay, fine. You can have the bed, and I'm gonna sleep in the microwave. So yeah, because of coronavirus, divorce lawyers are seeing more business than a guy selling glowsticks at Coachella. And if you're wondering, why is this happening?

Well, it's because quarantine is showing a lot of couples that they might love each other, but they don't like each other. When it comes to the quarantine, the biggest problem couples are had is just the amount of pressure that the relationship is putting on each other. Think about it. Normally you're around, your partner, four, maybe five, th. th. th. th. th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi. And, thi. And, thi. And, thi. And, thi. And, thi. And, thi. And, thi. And, thi, thi. And, tooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo. toe. And, is a thi. And, is a thi. And, is a each other. Think about it. Normally you're around your partner for maybe five hours a day awake, but now that's tripled. When we don't have as much distraction going on, we tend to hyper focus on certain things that,

little things that bother us. Part of the reason that could be one and three people surveyed say they do not shower dressed out of their pajamas. He wanders through the house and continues to talk to me when I'm on the phone. Can't be in your bathrobe and those are the things like the little things I have to be aware of because the camera really covers the whole space. Man, I really feel bad for this woman.

Think about it. Her husband husband thineineineineineineineineineineineineine, th. thine, th. thine, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, thi, thi, that, thi, that, that, tho-a, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, thi, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, Her husband is walking around in a bathrobe while she's trying to work over Skype. That is so embarrassing because that's her job. Like imagine if you were in your boss's office and then your spouse just walks in, shirtless, covered in Cheetos. Honey, do you have a towel? Excuse me? My boss is here. thoubest. the cheetos they get everywhere. Look at this. I see why people are getting tired of each other. Like just because you've committed your life to someone, doesn't mean you want to be committed 24-7.

In fact, after coronavirus ends, I think marriage vows need to be updated. Do you take this man to heaven to hold but for like an hour in the morning and then maybe three hours at night when you watch TV. Now don't get it twisted. Corona virus isn't breaking up every couple. There are many lovebirds out there who are taking the initiative and turning quarantine time into quality time. You may be stuck at home but that doesn't mean date night is canceled. One couple use their free time to recreate the iconic final dancing from the 1980s film, Dirty Dancing. The Jones family is used to being creative, turning famous paintings into their own works of art,

quarantine style, like American Gothic and Washington crossing the Delaware. Grant recreated date nights around the house, a casino, sports bar,ing, bowling, bowling, bowling, bowling, bowling, bowling, bowling, bowling, bowling, thing, thing, thing, thing, thing, theiring withing withing withing withing withing with their Washington crossing the Delaware. Grant recreated date nights around the house, a casino, sports bar, bowling with paper towel pins in their living room. I think my favorite part of the date was the dance club, which was our bathroom, which when we went in there, he had music blaring and then he like turned the lights on and off. Okay, now that guy, that guy deserves all the brownie points in the world. He made a full nightclub in his bathroom for his woman. Wow, that's love. And this thing was super realistic. He even charged her $18 for a Vodka Cranberry and then stole her purse when she

got drunk. That is commitment. Andrew Cuomo, the only governor in America who can pull off a track suit, has signed an executive order allowing New York couples to get their marriage licenses online, and he's authorized clerks to perform winning ceremonies over video. Now look, if you ask me, I don't think anyone, I don't think any one of us should be making any big life decisions during quarantine. Okay? No one. Your concept of love is t any big life decisions during quarantine. No one.

Your concept of love is totally skewed right now. You can trust me on this. I spent most of last week in a relationship with a bottle of Purel. I mean, think about it. You're locked up with one person for so long. You're probably going to forget other people exist. Yeah, you'll be like, you're the best guy in the world, let's get married. And then you're going to take one walk and you'll be like, what have I done? Basically, any marriage during quarantine should have the same store policy as Best Buy. If I'm not happy with the

product after three months, I can return it or at least make an exchange. Thanks to coronavirus, we now do everything at home, right? We're working out at home, we're holding office meetings from home, you're using the bathroom at home. For years, we've just been going to Wendy's, right? It's just me? And it turns out, you can even have an affair at home. It's the whoopsy that's making world headlines.

41-year-old Spanish news anchor Alfonso Merlose was hosting a live show from his home when a naked woman walked right behind him. Oh wait but that says his wife his girlfriend right? No the tea is hot honey you ready? Uh-huh. Viewers were quick to point out that that not only is not his girlfriend it was a colleague. Wait what? Yes. I got damn. I need to start watching news from Spain. I mean here it's all boring stuff about trade wars and climate change. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th th th th th th th th th th thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi theeeeeeean. theeeean need to start watching news from Spain. I mean, here it's all boring stuff about trade wars and climate change. Over there, it's like a tele-novella. Got naked women just walking in the background?

I bet next week this guy gets amnesia and then is replaced by his long-lost twin brother. Breaking news. I don't know who I am, but I know that I know that I know that I love that I love that I love that I love that I love that I love that I love that I love that I love that I love that I love that I love that I love that I love that I love that I love that I love that I love that I love you. But yo, on the real though, this is such an amateur mistake. Everyone by now, everyone should know that you've got to be aware of your background when you're working from home, okay? The only thing people should see behind you is some books you've never read and a couple of trophies you won for coming in last place in two marathons. And if you get busted cheating like this on live TV, there is nothing you can do. Your best option is to channel Donald Trump and just try and blame the media.

Baby, you know you can't trust the press? There was no naked woman in the background. Read the transcript baby. Fake nudes. Thanks to coronavirus, we're learning that neighbors don't just have to be friends. They can also be our friends with benefits. Jeremy Cohen was sitting at home alone when he looked out of his window and saw his next-door neighbor dancing. He had never met her before, but it was love at first sight. So he went above and beyond, pulled out his drone and flew it over to her to ask her out on a date. Mikhe Dalpao's first set eyes on Paola Anjeli from his balcony. Mikhele managed to track Paola down on Instagram and struck up a conversation.

The couple hasn't stopped talking since. Now they spend their days dreaming about what they'll do when they finally meet. Kiss her for one hour. I kiss you for two hour. Oh, stop it, you too. Get a room. But don't, social distancing. You know, it's amazing how this pandemic has warped our perspective.

Because if you think about it, before coronavirus, if a guy was staring at his neighbor through binoculars and then tracking her with a drone, it would not be romantic. It would be the first half hour of a dateline episode. But I guess this is kind of sweet. You know, the only big problem with dating your neighbor is that neither of them can ghost each other. I know you are home.

I can see you, Daniela, answer the phone. The Daily Show with Covernoa, Ears Edition. Watch the Daily Show weeknights at 11, 10 Central on Comedy Central, and the Comedy Central app. Watch full episodes and videos at the Daily Show. Follow us on Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram, and subscribe to the Daily Show on YouTube for exclusive content and more. This has been a Comedy Central podcast. When 60 Minutes premiered in September 1968, there was nothing like it. This is 60 Minutes. It's a kind of a magazine for television.

Very few have been given access to the treasures in our archives. Really? But that's all about to change. Like none of this stuff gets looked at. That's what's incredible. I'm Seth Done of CBS News. Listen to 60 Minutes, a second look, starting September 17th, wherever you get your podcasts.