The Daily Show: Ears Edition - ICYMI - The Best of Jordan Klepper in Quarantine

Episode Date: July 13, 2020

Jordan Klepper talks to a professional doomsday prepper, gets feedback from a counter-protesting health care worker and learns how to beef up during the pandemic. Learn more about your ad-choices at https://www.iheartpodcastnetwork.comSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

You're listening to Comedy Central. When 60 Minutes premiered in September 1968, there was nothing like it. This is 60 Minutes. It's a kind of a magazine for television. Very few have been given access to the treasures in our archives. You're rolling? But that's all about to change. Like none of this stuff gets looked at. That's what's incredible. I'm Seth Done of CBS News. listen to 60 Minutes, a second look on Apple podcasts starting September 17. I should be out fingering the pulse. Instead, I'm in focused on surviving, and thriving,

and thriving in my one-bedroom apartment. But while I'm sheltered in place like a boss, am I prepared for things like tomorrow, or, God forbid, next week. Luckily, I found a place that's entirely focused on preparation. Fortitude Ranch. It's a Prepper Paradise with everything from self-sufficient farming to solar-powered luxury bunkers and weaponized gazebos that are there to stop marauders. I reached out to operator Stephen Renee to learn more. Stephen, how are you? I'm doing great, thanks. I'm not super big on prep. I gotta be honest, I don't think about getting a dinner reservation until morning of.

And then it's a pain of the ass. Luckily I know some of the taverns. So I'm usually okay. Walk me through this preparation. Can you show me what you got? Sure. Let me show you some of the facilities, Jordan. This is the hardened bunker. thii. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the the the the the the. the. the. the. the. thi. to to to to be to be thi. to be to be thi. to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to to the the the the the the the the the thi. the thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thin. thin. thin. thin. thin. teeea. tea. tea. tea. toda. toda. toea. thin. thin. thin. the. the hardened bunker three feet underground with eight-inch reinforced concrete. This is where we have all the different rooms. Does nobody want to paint the wood? As you come over here you can see that we have restrooms for a family. There's a bunk bed that turns into a couch. What kind of what kind of thread count do you have going on on that bed? I couldn't tell you exactly, but I could get back to you in an email, that information if you like. That'd be helpful.

So here you can see an example of some of that shelf-life food, so that's freeze-dry food. Wow. That's a lot of beans. Here's a different variant for a room, wood stove, working over here. So this is more set up for a couple. Well, they better really like each other. Right now, it definitely looks like something in a true crime, Netflix series. Life is going to change, right?

If you're going to show me yours, I should show you mine. The place where we're living, specifically. Yeah, yeah, you want to see, I just, any kind of advice you have how to turn this into a hardened situation. I got a decent amount of records here, jazz, blues, garage rock for sure. Food wise. You can see I got some, uh, garage rock for sure. Food wise, you can see I got some sprouted chili verde rice, some Bombay potatoes, a lot of Indian food, hopefully that keeps.

We'll see. So Steve and I have a decent liquor cabinet over here. Chinar, Campari, apparel, definitely enough for a good weeks' worth of Ngronis. I don't think that that's really going to help you too much in a real serious situation. Well, I'm just going to go straight gin. Well, they may make you feel better for a limited amount of time, but I'm not sure in the long term it's going to do you much good. Maybe he's right. Negronies will only take you so far.

And since Fortitude Ranch says they're expanding to 12 undisclosed locations around America, I want in. Give me goats, tree houses, plywood, everything, and digestive problems for a year straight. Where do I sign up? Well, unfortunately, you're a day late and a dollar short. We're all full. I think we're dwelling too much on the past. Let's talk about the future. I would be a real asset at Fortitude Ranch. I was an improv teacher. I taught sketch comedy. I once took a drunk painting class. But we, you know, we're looking for people who are more interested than in being an asset than they are for comic relief. Well I'm not saying it's all

going to be comic. I mean a lot of the insights that I have inherently are not funny. Well at this point we're actually down to a waiting list so. Fine, who need you anyway? I'll just stay put here on what the guy with the stand on Canal Street told me is 1,000 threadcount Egyptian cotton. It's noon. While I'm doing my best to isolate at home, protests to reopen the country have popped up all over the place. They're full of people shouting for a return to their normal lives to reopen the country have popped up all over the place. They're full of people shouting for a return to their normal lives,

their normal abs, and their normal hairstyles. Who has the right to tell me I can't get a haircut? I can't go here, I can't go there. And there are also health care workers who have been protesting the protests. They're trying to convince people to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to the to their their their to therying to convince people to stay home and avoid opening businesses too soon. And these people who actually help us not die have been greeted like this. I wanted to talk to these brave frontline health care workers. So North Carolina oncology nurse Amber Brown skiped me while she was on her way to her third week of counter-protesting. What are you feeling right now? It always makes me a little excited because when I get to her third week of counter-protesting. What are you feeling right now?

It always makes me a little excited because when I get to basically be a foil to the madness that's about to happen. A foil to the madness that's about to happen. I've played that role before. What are you trying to say to the local government? We want to support our governor. Our governor supports not reopening yet, and then a staged reopening, and then he also agrees that until we're doing more testing and until health care workers have proper PPE, we don't need to reopen.

You feel like you want your guys' voices heard as opposed to the small number of outside voices being heard. Yes. And yet, you're the ones that know the virulence the virvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvue the v v v v v v v v v v v v v v v v v v that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's the the the the th.. And yet, you're the ones wearing mass. We're the ones that know the virulence of the virus. You're starting from a disadvantage here. What do you think their ultimate message is? They want a haircut. Trust me, I want a haircut as bad as the next guy. This is like my brand,

but I've been okay for a few weeks. Thanks for your sacrifice. But the messaging from the reopen campaign took a hit when the virus showed it has a strong sense of situational irony by infecting one of the group's organizers. But some North Carolinians are totally comfortable rushing back into the streets. There must be a reason. Are people just healthier at North Carolina? No, not exactly.

We're, you know, the stroke belt. That's your nickname, the stroke belt? The stroke belt, yeah. To be fair, North Carolina's not exactly the healthiest place. Even your meat smokes down there. It's been a while since I've been out there. As Amber approached, I started to see the usual signs. Somebody's coming up behind you. What's that sign say?

Let's see. Bill Gates is trash human scum. Definitely an Apple guy there, huh? I get it. The Microsoft operating system sometimes is difficult. Here we are. There they are in their parking lot. Tyrants, Answer to God, reopen and see.

Yeah, there's really not as many people as they were last time. Is that a good side or a bad sign? Do you think the reopen people are looking around, like, I see our numbers are down? Do we want to look into that? So why are these nurses putting themselves in harm's way? Second-year nursing student, Carrie Shropshire, has also been coming to these events for the past three weeks. We do not believe what these people are saying all of North Carolinians believe,

and that's why we're here. What do you think most North Carolinians believe? That we need to stay at home and continue to flatten the curve. We did a great job so far, and we need to keep to to to to to to do a great to do a great to do a great to do a great to do a great to do the the to do the the the the to do the the the the the thoananan, need to keep doing it. She's actually right. Two-thirds of America is concerned about lifting restrictions too quickly. And even the local government in Raleigh has taken steps to ensure that both of these groups are safe and comfortable. Last week they stormed the General Assembly and so we set up on purpose in front of it. The police are not

allowing them to come down as long as we are physically in front of it. Three weeks ago, the situation looked like this, but this time the police keep the two groups apart. So the police is separating you from the reopen protesters right now to keep everybody apart. What I'm hearing is that a coordinated governmental effort to keep people safe was effective? I'm sensing snark. I actually can't tell because of what you're wearing right now. It's an amazing concept and one that maybe our federal government could learn from.

But until then let's recognize that these health care workers are on two front lines. They're fighting the virus and the bullshit. Thank you guys. When I see this, I realize that 90s boy band formation was decades ahead of its time when it came to social distancing and PPE. I'm with you guys. In spirit, technically, not there. I'm hundreds of miles away. But, thank you. Stay and strong. And apart apart. And apart. And apart. And apart.. And apart. And apart. the the the the the the the the the the thap. And apart. And apart. And apart. And apart. the the the the the thap. thap. And the the thape. the the the the the thi. And the thi. And the the ba, and the ba, and the ba. And the b, and the b, and the b, and the b, and the b, and the b, and the b, and the b, and the b, and the b, and the b, and the b, and the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the thia thia thia. thia. thia. thia. thia'era'era' thia' th. thia' th. thia' thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi I'm hundreds of miles away, but thank you.

Staying strong and apart. When 60 Minutes premiered in September 1968, there was nothing like it. This is 60 Minutes. It's a kind of a magazine for television. Very few have been given access to the treasures in our archives. But that's all about to change. Like none of this stuff gets looked at.

That's what's incredible. I'm Seth Done of CBS News. Listen to 60 Minutes, a second look, starting September 17th, while sheltering in place. Last time I talked to Prepper Stephen Renee, who's an expert at fortifying the home. This is the Hardin bunker. Does nobody want to paint the wood? Now I'm talking to a survivalist who's an expert at fortifying the body.

Pat Mac. I've interviewed Pat Mack. Bam. I've interviewed Pat before. He served 22 plus years in Army Special Ops, trains police forces, authored the book Sentinel, become the agent in charge of your own protection detail, and has nothing but great tips online for surviving. It's a pandemic.

Pandemonium. If anybody's gonna know, it's gonna be Pat. Pat, Matt, good to see you again. Jordan, good to see you again, my man. I wanted to talk to you, Pat, because we spent some time together. You're the most badass, prepared guy, I know. And I'm a comedian, so I know a lot of improvisers and sketch folks, so... Right on. Yeah, thank you. tha. th. th. th. th. th. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to see. to to to to see to see to see to see to see to see to see to see to see to see to see to see to see to see to see to see to see to see to see to see to see to see to see to see to see to see. to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the tooooooooome tooome tooome too too. to to to to to to see to too. to How do we prepare for what is going out? Well, preparing time is over. That should have been done years ago. You know, the frantic search for toilet paper.

What's that all about anyway? Toil paper, why? Well, I mean, that makes the most sense to me. Out of all of the chaos, that I get. But what if we didn't have water? What if the water system were working? You know, I mean you gotta have something like this right here, you know, so a portable pooper. You had that so on the ready. I've got a bunch of bags in there, they're biodegradable.

Not to brag, but I actually have a working one of those toilets at home. And when it's not working, I just go to the gym. I can and have talk defecation all day, but this is about real survival tips. Time to get our blaze on. So right now, we've got to embrace the suck, you know? We've got to embrace the ass wound of this thing. Embrace the ass wound of this thing. Is that Oscar Wilde? No idea.

What should people be doing in a situation that we're in right now? You know, this is a great opportunity for self improvement, thia, thia, thia, thia, thiiiii, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, tho, th, th, th, we're th, we're th, we're th, we're th, we're th, we're th, we're th, we're th, we're th, we're th, th, th, th, th, th, th, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, to to to to to to to to to to to thin, thee thin, thi. thi. thi, th now. You know, this is a great opportunity for self-improvement. And if you're Pat, that self-improvement means working out with things you find lying around you, like, whatever this is, I came to the right place. How does a guy like me who's stuck in doors stay physically fit? So you've got to keep things interesting and you can't neglect the transverse plane? The transverse plane? You know, rotational exercises. Because you gotta keep your back and core strong. So in the transverse plane lives life-saving and ass kicking. If I'm not doing this, I'm gonna kick zero asses. That's right.

Zero asses are gonna be kicked unless you work the transverse plane. All right, so utilize stuff that's you got even heavy. Let me see. I got, I got books, I got, I got, I got infinite jest and sapiens. Sapiens is good. So you can hold them out at arm's length and then you could do lateral raises up and down. Yep, there you go. You little, I can see a little bit of, a little sweat driplets forming on your forehead. With Pat's guidance I was able to have an intense

workout using common household items. Roll it up tight. And then unrolling. Yep. And some of my favorite digesties. Do you know what to do it? Chenar? I got no idea what to do it. Never even heard of it. Four. Five. One. Two. Three. Assist with your legs. Legassis. Legassis. Legassis. Pegas. Pegesis. Pegas. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. to to to th. th. to to to to to to to to to to th. th. th. thi. to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the. the. the. te. te. te. te. te. toge. toge. toe. toge. to toge. tie. your legs. Leg assist, leg assist, leg assist. Pegasus? Are you saying Pegasus? That's a good start point for today. I wouldn't recommend anything else, because I'm pretty sure you haven't done anything in a while.

No, that's very intuitive of it. The more time I spent with Pat, the more ured I was. Pat emphasized that this is not a time to panic and we will get through it. Don't beat yourself up if you weren't prepared. It's it's human to air, but when we do we have to learn from the past, prepare for the future and perform in the present. Yeah, yeah let's do this. Yeah, get you some. Let's do this! No. Right. That's supposed to look in this. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th.. Right. Not supposed to be in the house.

In the house. Yes. Let's do this here. Yeah. Here. The Daily Show with Trevor Noah, ears edition. Watch the Daily Show weeknights at 11. Ten Central on Comedy Central and the Comedy Central act.

Watch full episodes and videos at the Daily Show.com. Follow us on Facebook, Twitter and Instagram, and subscribe to the Daily Show on YouTube for exclusive content and more. This has been a Comedy Central podcast. When 60 Minutes premiered in September 1968, there was nothing like it. This is 60 Minutes. It's a kind of a magazine for television. Very few have been given access to the treasures in our archives. But that's all about to change.

Like none of this stuff gets looked at. That's what's incredible. I'm Seth Done of CBS News. Listen to 60 Minutes, a second look on Apple podcasts starting September 17.