The Daily Show: Ears Edition - ICYMI - The Magical, Wonderful Road to Impeachment - The Senate Acquits President Trump - Uncensored

Episode Date: February 7, 2020

President Trump's impeachment trial ends with an acquittal, and conservative pundits lash out at Speaker Nancy Pelosi for tearing up Trump's State of the Union transcripts. Learn more about your ad-choices at https://www.iheartpodcastnetwork.comSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

You're listening to Comedy Central. When 60 Minutes premiered in September 1968, there was nothing like it. This is 60 Minutes. It's a kind of a magazine for television. Very few have been given access to the treasures in our archives. But that's all about to change. Like none of this stuff gets looked at, that's what's incredible. I'm Seth Done of CBS News, listened to 60 Minutes, a second look on Apple podcasts

starting September 17th. Impeachment. It's Democracy's version of Sending Back a Meal. And today, we reached the series finale of this president's first impeachment. So let's check in on the latest developments and another installment of the magical, wonderful road to impeachment. It's probably presidential harassment. It's probably presidential harassment.

Today was the final day in the impeachment trial of Donald Jumbalaya Trump. And no big surprise, he was acquitted by the Republican-run Senate, which was never in doubt. Yeah, yeah, don't boo, vote. See, impeachment was known, like everyone knew where this was going. This was like a movie where you can guess what was going to happen without even watching it. You know, like Titanic, okay, it's a ship that's going to sink. Or Sophie's Choice, some lady has to decide which dude she's going to bone.

I get it, I get it. So with the outcome, never in doubt. The only real drama today was whether any Republicans would dare vote to vote to vote to vote to vote to vote to vote to vote to vote to vote to vote to vote against Donald Trump. And it turns out, there was one man with binders full of courage. Republican Senator Mitt Romney emotionally announced on the Senate floor that he will break ranks and vote to convict and remove President Trump. The President asked a foreign government to investigate his political rival. The President's purpose was personal and political. Accordingly, the President is guilty of an appalling abuse of public trust.

With my vote, I will tell my children and their children that I did my duty to the best of my ability, believing that my country expected it of me. That is shocking. Now, that is shocking. That is shocking. Who would have thought that the most badass Republican in the Senate would end up being a Mormon dude named Mitz? And I've got to say, Mitz, you proved everyone wrong. The haters said you were as radical as a glass of skim milk, but they were wrong, Mitt.

You're whole milk, my man. That's why, whole milk, fan. And by the way, I like how Mit said that he voted this way so that he could tell his children he did the right thing. Because that's such a white people thing to say, right? No, white people love explaining themselves to their children. I couldn't look my son in the eye the eye the eye the eye the eye the eye the eye their their their their their their their their their their their children, I couldn't look my son in the eye if I didn't do the right thing. Black parents don't give it shit. Like, black parents are just like, boy, you better not look me in the eye.

I made you, I'm gonna do whatever I'm gonna do. Now, other than Romney, another Republican senator who was considered on the fence, was also about Trump was Susan Collins of Maine, But she decided that we don't need to throw Trump out because she thinks he's already been scared straight. There are some senators who could have crossed party lines. Senator Susan Collins will not be one of them. I'm voting to acquit.

I believe that the president has learned from this case. What do you believe the president has learned? The president has been impeached. That's a pretty big lesson. However, during a TV anchors lunch at the White House yesterday Trump responded to questions about Collins' comments saying he had done nothing wrong and that his conversation with Ukraine's president quote was a perfect call. Man Donald Trump would be the hardest person to defend in

courts. You'd be like, your honor, my client has learned his lesson. No, I haven't. His days of selling drugs are over. Who wants cocaine? Because clearly Trump hasn't learned a lesson. If anything, he's learned that he can do whatever he wants, and Republicans will let him get away with it. But first, they're going to shake their heads.

So basically, thanks to Senate Republicans, Trump is now free. You can just run through laws like he's got that Super Mario invisibility star. That's what he can do. Yeah, he's invincible. Except Trump is more powerful than Mario, because in this case, the turtle is turtle is turtle is turtle is turtle is turtle is turtle is turtle is this case the turtles are on his side. Basically, basically President Trump is off the hook. He's completely off the hook. And you know what that means? He's gonna let loose tonight, man. He's gonna eat 50 burgers, bang a porn star, and then he's gonna do something crazy.

And while Trump, and while Trump is doing that joker dance down the courthouse steps, the rest of the country is still focused on the fallout from Trump's State of the Union speech last night. And it's not so much what was in his speech, but the fallout has been about what Speaker Nancy Pelosi did to the speech, and Republicans aren't happy. A bitter, bitter Nancy Pelosi ripping up the present State of the Union speech. One of the most classless things ever done in the history of the State of the Union. I have never seen anybody act so childish in my life. A spoiled, petulant child, essentially picking her nose in front of the American people.

It's not just the numbers you're ripping up. Those are people. Nancy Pelosi shredding the memory of Caleb Mueller, shredding Tuskegee-Yearman, shredding a little two-year-old. That's Pelosi ripping up the stories of these Americans. Yeah. That is so true, my friends. When Nancy Pelosi taught up a copy of Trump's speech,

she wasn't just ripping up a speech, she was ripping up the memory of the people in that speech. Those people are gone now. That's how paper works. Like one time at dinner, the waiter ripped up my receipt, and then I was right or wrong to tear up Trump's speech, but I'm sorry guys. These people, these people, the people that support Trump have no business complaining about breaches of decorum. All right? They're dude is literally the king of that shit.

But I'm sorry guys. These people, the people, the people that support Trump have no business complaining about breaches of decorum. Their dude is literally the king of that shit. He puts the dick in decorum. I'm come and act like you now. Oh, I can't believe he did this. Because it's kind of funny. It's kind of funny though that Republicans were so upset with Nancy's lack of decorum, especially because Trump used the very same speech

to bestow America's highest civilian honor, the Presidential Medal of Freedom on conservative commentator Rush Limbaugh, right? A man who, to put it mildly, is not known for being best. The NFL all too often looks like a game between the bloods and the crips. What does that make her? It makes her a slut, right? I love the women's movement, especially with walking behind it. So, nigga with an A on the end, well I think I can now.

When I hear Chinese or Japanese, it sounds like all the same word. Oh, tjee, ah, chikah, kaka, chigi. Chin, chin, jin, jin, jah, chin, chin, chin, chin, chin, chin, chin, chin, chin, chin, chin, chin, chin, chin, chin, chin, chin, chin, chin, chin, chin, chin, chin, chin, chin, chin, chin, chin, chin, chin, chin, chin, chin, chin, chin, chin, chin, chin, chin, chin, cha, cha, cha, cha, cha, and cha, and ch-a, or ch-a, ch-a, ch-a, ch-a, ch-a, ch-a, ch-a, ch-a, ch-a, ch-a, ch-a, ch-a, ch-a, ch-a, ch-a, ch-a, ch-a, ch-a, ch-a, ch-a, ch-a, cha, cha, cha, cha, cha, cha, cha, cha, cha, cha, cha, cha, cha, cha, cha, cha, cha, cha, cha, cha, cha, cha, cha, cha, cha, cha, cha, cha, cha, cha, cha, cha, cha, cha, cha, He is moving all around and shaking and it's purely an act. If any race of people should not have guilt about slavery, it's Caucasians. If any race of people should not have guilt about slavery, it's Caucasians. Yeah. Rush Limbaugh might be racist, sexist, homophobic, and mock people with disabilities, but at least he treats paper with respect. So maybe that was Nancy Pelosi's real mistake. It's not that she was disrespectful, it's that she wasn't disrespectful enough.

See maybe if Nancy interrupted Trump's speech with a racist Asian accent and a couple of casual N-words, instead of earning everyone's anger, she would have earned her own Medal of Freedom. The Daily Show with Cover Noa, Ears Edition. Watch the Daily Show with weeknights at the Daily Show. Watch full episodes and videos at the Daily Show. Follow us on Facebook, Twitter and Instagram and subscribe to the Daily Show on YouTube for exclusive content and more. This has been a Comedy Central podcast. You're listening to Comedy Central.

When 60 Minutes premiered in September 1968, there was nothing like it. This is 60 Minutes. It's a kind of a magazine for television. Very few have been given access to the treasures in our archives. But that's all about to change. Like none of this stuff gets looked at. That's what's incredible. I'm Seth Done of CBS News. Listen to 60 Minutes, a second look on Apple podcasts starting September 17.