The Daily Show: Ears Edition - ICYMI - Tourists Aren't Welcome in Florida, Alaska and Hawaii

Episode Date: March 30, 2020

Florida, Alaska and Hawaii attempt to deter out-of-staters from visiting during the coronavirus crisis, and Trevor gives the states an assist by releasing anti-tourism ads. Learn more about your ad-choices at https://www.iheartpodcastnetwork.comSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

You're listening to Comedy Central. When 60 Minutes premiered in September 1968, there was nothing like it. This is 60 Minutes. It's a kind of a magazine for television. Very few have been given access to the treasures in our archives. But that's all about to change. Like none of this stuff gets looked at. That's what's incredible. I'm Seth Done of CBS News. Listen to 60 Minutes a second look on Apple podcasts

starting September 17th. All across the country right now, as you know, states are trying their best to handle the coronavirus. And they're doing it in different ways. And New York is taking social distancing so seriously that Mayor Bill DiBlazio has now announced that he's gonna start ripping down basketball hoops out of all the city parks so that people don't want to go and play there.

Oh, and fun fact, DeBlazio is the only mayor in America who has to bend down when he rips out themselves safe. Hanging up a no-trespassing sign. Fly to Florida and it will really cost you. You're going to have to self-isolate for two weeks before you do anything else. Hopefully that will be a deterrent for people. If you're just simply trying to escape here to avoid the restrictions that have been put in place in your own state, that is probably not a good idea.

Meantime, both Alaska and Hawaii are now requiring mandatory 14-day quarantines for everyone entering their states. They say if you aren't able to comply with the quarantine, you will need to postpone your trip. I hope that everyone complies and visitors do not come here. We do want those who may have to have to have to have tridue trip. I hope that everyone complies and visitors do not come here. We do want those who may have scheduled trips to the islands take the action to cancel or reschedule their trip. Yeah, that's right. If you try and get off the plane in Alaska, Hawaii or Florida, instead of a guy with a sign holding up your name at the airport, people just have a sign that says turn around dick. I mean I'm assuming your name is dick. I mean they could write

Richard if you prefer that. They just turn around and the person. But if these states really want to keep people out, instead of tourism ads, you know what they need? They need to make some anti-tourism ads. In fact, we did it for them. Ah, Hawaii. With its sandy beaches, lush rainforests and friendly people, Hawaii is heaven on earth. Or at least it was until you dirty mainlanders came and infected us. For now on, to stay the hell away. Remember, we've also got volcanoes, and we're not afraid to throw you into one.

Hawaii. Go to Florida. It's closer. Are you looking for breathtaking landscapes, untamed wildlife, and blissful solitude? Well, tough shit. We don't want you here. And your tropical ass wouldn't last a day anyway. This is Alaska, mother fucker. We're basically in Russia.

We still use dogs for cars. Alaska. Come one step to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to go to go to go toooooofetetk the the the the thaaaaaa. thakakaketetetaketaketaketaketaketaketaketaketaketaketaketaketaketaketaketaketaketaketaketaketaketakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakakak. the the the the the the the the the the the the tha. tha. tha. tha. tha. tha. tha. tha. tha. tha. tha. tha. thaaa. We still use dogs for cars. Alaska. Come one step closer and I swear to God we'll blow up all the oil. Can't wait to visit Florida? Sure you can. It's not all sunshine and Mickey Mouse down here. Remember that guy on batsalt who tried to eat another guy's face? That happened here. And you know where all those Florida men live? In F. F. Florida. Plus this is where all the old people are. Does this look like a party to you? You really need a list of reasons to stay away? Fine. Angry Gators, frozen iguanas, Marilago, humidity, stand your ground.

Hurricane Tim Tibo. Florida, stay away from our penis-shaped hellhole. us on Facebook, Twitter and Instagram and subscribe to the Daily Show on YouTube for exclusive content and more. When 60 Minutes premiered in September 1968, there was nothing like it. This is 60 Minutes. It's a kind of a magazine for television. Very few have been given access to the treasures in our archives. But that's all about to change. Like none of this stuff gets looked at.

That's what's incredible. I'm Seth Done of CBS News. Listen to 60 Minutes, a second look on Apple podcasts starting September 17.