The Daily Show: Ears Edition - ICYMI - Unconventional News

Episode Date: September 1, 2020

Trevor covers news stories overshadowed by the DNC and RNC, including Death Valley's hottest day, Laura Loomer's GOP primary win, Jerry Falwell Jr.'s sex scandal, and more. Learn more about your ad-choices at https://www.iheartpodcastnetwork.comSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

You're listening to Comedy Central. When 60 Minutes premiered in September 1968, there was nothing like it. This is 60 Minutes. It's a kind of a magazine for television. Very few have been given access to the treasures in our archives. But that's all about to change. Like none of this stuff gets looked at. That's what's incredible. I'm Seth Done of CBS News. Listen to 60 Min Like, none of this stuff gets looked at. That's what's incredible. I'm Seth Done of CBS News. Listen to 60 Minutes, a second look, starting September 17th, wherever you get your podcasts.

Did you know that America is finally getting its first black president? Did you know that America is finally getting its first black president? For the Washington football team, formerly known as the Washington Redskins, announcing its new team president, he will be the league's first black president. Jason Wright will lead the team's business ventures and operations and working with former Panthers head coach Ron Rivera on building the team on the field. Owner of the team says Wright's experience as a former player and his push for inclusion will set new standards for that organization.

That's right. Washington has hired the first black president in NFL history, which is fantastic. But if they follow the same pattern as America, the team's next president is gonna kick all the Mexicans off the team's next president is going to kick all the Mexicans off the team and inject all the players with hydroxochlor queen. I will say though, it really sucks to be a black person in America right now, because even if you do get off at a job, the first thing you have to think is, man, how bad did these white people fuck up for them to need to hire me? And best of luck to Jason Wright. And best of luck to to to to to to the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the thuu. thu. th. thu. thu. thu. thu. thu. thu. thu. thu. thu. thu. thu. the. thoqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqq.. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. with fans in the stands and with no bubble during COVID. So if the league shuts down you know people are going to try blame him. I'm just saying the league never

shut down before when there was a white team president it can't be a coincidence. Moving on to some news about climate change. It should be no surprise that 2020 is on course to be the hottest year on record. I mean, basically, every year now is hotter than the year before it. You know, in the same way, every Hemsworth brother is hotter than the one before it. Is that right? Was it the other way around? Over the weekend, the temperature hit a different record, and this one is really going to make to make part of the country is taking heat and it could be a record, Death Valley National Park, which is split between California and Nevada, recorded a high temperature of 130 degrees yesterday. It needs to be verified, but if it is, it will be the

hottest temperature recorded on Earth since 1913, the previous record was also recorded in Death Valley. God damn, 130 degrees. You see, this is when I like that Americans use Fahrenheit. Because in the rest of the world, people use Celsius. But a scorching 54 isn't the same. It doesn't have the same ring to it. 130 degrees. 54. And Death Valley is a great name for a place that's 130 degrees. This is a terrible name in terms of real estate development. Who would name that? What they need to do is call it deval. You know, build a couple of condos and some coffee shops.

Boom. White hipsters will be there by the end of the month. This is just one more sign that we are all in a climate climate climate climate climate while most of the world wants to slow climate change, the Trump administration looks at record temperatures and they say, eh, let's try and beat it. Some breaking news this morning, the Trump administration finalized plans to open up the Arctic National Wildlife Refuge to drilling gas rights. The move will allow leasing on the 1.6 million acre coastal plain. It a muscle fuel development in an area that has been untouched for three decades. Untouched for three decades.

For a second, I thought they were talking about Mike Pence. BIN, bim. But that's right. With just a few months left in his term, Trump is about to let oil and gas companies go nuts in a pristine wildlife refuge. It's almost like he knows he's not getting the security deposit back on the country, so he might as well just see how much of it he can wreck on the way out. I mean, this might be the first time Trump has destroyed the property value of a place without putting his name on it first. With all the focus on the presidential race, it is easy to forget that a lot of the energy the energy, the energy, the energy, the energy, the energy, the energy, the energy, the energy, the energy, the energy, the energy, the the the the thri, thrific, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, toe, to, to, to, to, toe, toe, toe, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, to, to, and, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, tr.e, the tr.e, tr.s, tr-s, is tr-s.s.s.s. true. toe. toe. toe. toe. toe. toe. toe. toe. toe. toe. toe. to focus on the presidential race, it is easy to forget that a lot of the energy

that drives political parties comes from down-ballot races. And by that measure, a brand new nominee for a congressional race in Florida tells you a lot about the direction of the GOP. The very latest election results from the live desk right now. A far-right candidate won the Republican primary for the district that represents Marlago. Laura Lumer was banned from Uber and Lyft after refusing to ride with a Muslim driver, and she handcuffed herself to Twitter's headquarters after being banned from the site for referring to Congresswoman Ilano Mar as being pro-Sharia law. This is somebody who has called herself

a proud Islamophob. And President Donald Trump actually tweeted congratulating Laura Lumer. You're seeing it right there, saying, great going, Laura, you have a great chance against a Pelosi puppet. You know, one thing that never changes, is if you do something awful, Trump will congratulate you. You could save a kid from an active volcano, and Trump will congratulate the volcano.

That volcano was so big, so beautiful, so much magma, maybe even harder than my daughter. I don't know. You tell me, some people are saying, I don't know. Think about it. Luma is so bad that she has been banned from and this is real Twitter, Facebook, Instagram, Uber, Lyft, PayPal, Venmo, Go Fund Me, Medium, CPAC and Shakespeare in the park. Like I'm sorry, how do you get banned from Shakespeare in the park? I mean sure

I did but that's only because I didn't know I wasn't allowed to ad lib. To be or to do something else, you know? It's a tough question. I'm gonna have to think about that one. And also, this person was banned from PayPal. Guys, that site is like 90% Nigerian scammers. And even they were like, this user does not reflect our values cheating the elderly out of their savings by pretending to be grandchildren who need bail money. It is not who we are. It is crazy to think

that this person could one day be in Congress and she's not even allowed on most apps. Can you imagine not being able to use Instagram, Facebook or Twitter? Actually sounds kind of nice. Should I be racist? Mosquitoes, aka Bed Bugs with Sky Miles. For decades, people have been trying to eradicate the disease-carrying insects. And now, Florida thinks it's found a thing that can take mosquitoes down once and for all. Seven hundred fifty million genetically engineered mosquitoes have been approved for release in the Florida

Keys. The experiment is designed to test if a genetically modified mosquito is a viable alternative to spraying insecticides to control the species of mosquito that carries several deadly diseases like Zika, dengue, chicken Chikungane, and Yellow Fever. The mosquito has been altered to produce female offspring that die well before hatching and spread diseases. Yes, scientists in Florida are releasing 750 million genetically engineered mosquitoes designed to gradually kill off all mosquitoes.

And in any other year, I would be excited by this news, but in 2020, why would you take the chance? They're gonna let those mosquitoes loose, and then in a couple weeks, the scientists are gonna come out like, so there's good news and bad news. And I also don't think they should be doing this experiment in Florida, just by the way. Because if something goes wrong and people start acting crazy, how would we know? Huh? The mosquitoes bit that guy and now he's trying to have sex with an alligator.

What? Oh, he was doing that last week? Oh, okay. And don't get me wrong. I'm not saying we shouldn't try to get rid of mosquitoes, because I hate them. I hate mosquitoes. I hate getting bitten by them, I hate getting the irritated by them. But the one thing thing thing thing thing thing thing thing thing thing thing thing thing thing thing thing things things things things I thi thi thi thi thi thi thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. th th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th th th th th th thi thi thi. thi thi. thi thi. thi. the the the the the the the thee theee theeeee thee the thee the the thi the thi thi thi thi they fly next to your ear at night, because I always felt like I was getting a private L. Green concert. Ah, ah, ah. Ah, ma'am. So anyway, congratulations on this groundbreaking genetic experiment with nature. And preemptive congratulations to Will Smith and his dog for getting to inherit the earth

in a few months. But let's move on, from one blood-sucking parasites to another. Steve Bannon, Donald Trump's former chief strategist and guy selling fake tickets outside the Billy Joel concert. Bannon left the White House in 2017, but he has remained popular in Maga land, and one thing he's used that popularity for is raising money to help Trump build his beautiful perfect border wall. Well at least that's what he said the money was for, but it turns out, maybe not. Breaking news this hour, the former chief strategist to the president has been arrested. Federal prosecutors in the Southern District of New York have indicted Steve Bannon

for what they say is his role in defrauding hundreds of thousands of Americans in connection with an online crowdfunding campaign known as the We Build the Wall. The allegation essentially is that Steve Bannon marketed this scheme, this build the wall scheme, collected donations from hundreds of thousands of donors under the false pretense that this money is going to go to build a southern border wall. Instead, what Steve Bannon and the other defendants allegedly did was pocket that money. Use it to pay for lavish lifestyles. Bannon apparently was arrested while on a 150-foot yacht off the coast of Westbrook, Connecticut. He was arrested by investigators with the U.S.

Attorney's Office for the Center District of New York, and also with investigators with the U.S. Postal Inspection Service, that's the arm of the Postal Service that conducts financial investigations. I can't believe this. Another Trump guy has been arrested. After the Aryan Brotherhood and Latin King's, the largest prison gang in America might be the former Trump campaign officials, and everything about the story is insane. First of all, Bannon was arrested on a 150-foot yacht, and I know everyone is innocent until proven guilty, but I mean, let's be real.

Anyone arrested on a yacht? I mean, you're guilty. Also, they said Vannon was arrested by investigators from the post office. I don't know if it's just me, but I didn't even know the post office had police. Where were those guys when my neighbor took took the the to to to the to to the to to to to the to to the to to to the the to to to to the the tooome the tooome 50 their their tooke 50 tooke their their tooke I didn't even know the post office had police. Where were those guys when my neighbor took my Amazon package? I can hear you using the vacuum. That's not vacuum! But the best part of this story is why Bannon was arrested.

He's accused of stealing money from people who thought they were donating to Donald Trump's wall. Because you know, you wouldn't want any criminals sneaking into the country. And I'm honestly curious to see how this plays out. Because the people who got ripped off now hate Steve Bannon, right? But they obviously really love Donald Trump. But Trump loves Steve Bannon. So I feel like this whole thing's gonna end with Trump getting those people to donate

for Bannon's defense fund. But then, Trump steals the money the money the money the money the money to to to toeeeeeuice toeuice toeuice toeuice toeuiiiiauiauiauiauiauiauia. toease toease toease toease toease toease toease thuri. toease toease toease toease toease toease toe. toe. toe. to th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. the. the. thea. thea. thea. thea. thea. thea. thea. thea. thea. thea. thea. thea. the for Bannon's defense fund. But then, Trump steals the money and moves to Mexico, which he can get too easily because there's no wall. In other news, for all those people who were worried that the baseball season wouldn't be as exciting this year without the fans shouting offensive things. Well, good news. The announcers are picking up the slack. A baseball broadcaster is removed mid-game for using a homophobic slur. Cincinnati Reds announcer Tom Brennan was in the top of the seventh inning when his hot mic picked up this anti-gay slur. Take a listen. The bad capitals of the world.

Brenneman, coming back from a commercial break, seemingly unaware he was on the air, started plugging a red's pregame show. Reds live, the pregame show presented by Ray St. Clair Rufie. The play-by-play announcer later apologizing. I made a comment earlier tonight that I guess went out over the year that I am deeply ashamed of. Pausing mid-apology to call a home run. I pride myself and think of myself as a man of faith. As there's a drive in a deep left field by Castellanos, it will be a home run.

And so that'll make it a four-nothing ball game. I don't know if I'm gonna be putting on this headset again. Damn, okay. First of all, who stops in the middle of an apology to call a home run? My man, an apology is like an orgasm. If you interrupted, the whole thing is ruined. And this Brennan guy is right.

He may never be putting on that headset ever again. And I don't know what else he's gonna do. I mean, they aren't exactly a lot of jobs out there, where where where where people where people where people where people where people where people where people where people there where people just explain things that are currently happening. I mean, maybe he could work in couples counseling. He's withholding his affection from her. He's not letting her in and she's out of there. But I guess this means that there's a baseball announcer job opening and I would like to throw my hat in the ring.

In fact, I'm going to give you a few... He's out. He's th. th. thii. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thoe. thoe. thoe. the. the. thoe. thoe. thoe. thoe. thoe. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. toe. toe. toe. toe. toe. toe. toe. toe. toe. toeea. toea. toea. toea. toea. toea. toea. toe. toe. toe. Whoa, Nelly, it's out of there. Oh no, there's a lion on the field. Somebody stop it. Oh no, the lion is coming right at the announcer box. Ah, tell my wife, I love her. I hope you'll consider my application. Russia.

It's like if a frown was a country. For years, only one prominent politician has had the courage or stupidity to stand up to the autocratic ruler Vladimir Putin. But for Putin, that was apparently one too many. Doctors in Germany say a critic of Russian president Vladimir Putin was likely poisoned. Remember, doctors in Siberia had blamed Alexi Navalny's illness on a drop in blood sugar. Navalny was flown to Berlin for a treatment this weekend. The Russian dissident is in an induced coma.

His supporters believed that somebody poisoned his tea before he got on a flight in Russia? Over the past several years, other Kremlin critics have been involved in apparent poisoning or suffered mysterious deaths. That's right. Russia's most prominent dissident was poisoned at the airport. And that means it was either Vladimir Putin or he ate the food at LaGuardia. Either way, we need a full investigation. No, I mean, come on, let's be real.

It was most probably Vladimir Putin. I mean, the man uses so much poison, I wouldn't be shocked if we find him at the poison aisle in Costco. Should I buy 24 pack or 36? Eh, you always end up using it. That's what makes it even more ridiculous, that the Russian doctors didn't diagnose this as a poisoning. Although, maybe that's how they teach it in Russian medical school. Doctor, this political dissident drank tea and then he collapsed. Yes, looks like he has a very common case of the sleepies.

It happens to people who don't keep their mouth shut. I gotta say, it must be terrifying to live in a country where the leaders stay in power by trying to poison opposition candidates. So much more chill to be in a country where they can just do it by shutting down the post office. But democracy in America isn't America America America the America is America is America is America is America is a America is a the the the the the their. Ae. Ae. Ae. Ae. Ae. Ae. A thiii. A thi. A thi. A thi. A thi. A thi. A thi. A thiolki. Ae. A. toe. toe. toe. toe. toe. toe. toe. toe. toe. toe. to to be. to be. to be. to be. to be. to be. to be. to be. to be. toe. toe. toe. It is is. It is. It is. It is. It is. It is. A. It is. It is. A. It is. A. It is. It is. It is a t. It is a t. It is a t. It is a t. It isa. It's. It's. It's toda. It'sa. It's today. It's today. It's te. today. It's t isn't defeated just yet, because yesterday, Democrats in Congress called the Postmaster General Louis DeJoy to get answers out of him about what the hell is going on with the USPS.

Postmaster General Louis DeJoy appearing on Capitol Hill yesterday to defend recent changes to the U.S. Postal Service ahead of the November election. The hearing before the House Oversight Committee was at times combative in an exchange with Congressman Katie Porter of California, DeJoy acknowledged a lack of familiarity with some basic aspects of the Postal Service. You don't know the cost to mail a postcard? I don't. What if it's like one of those greeting cards, it's a square envelope? Then what is the postage? I'll submit that I know very little about a postage stamp.

Within a million or so, can you tell me how many people voted by mail in the last presidential election? No, I cannot. To the nearest 10 million? I would be, is that a no, Mr. DeGioio? I would be guessing, and I don't want to guess. I'm glad you know the price of a stamp, but I'm concerned about your understanding of this agency. God damn! Those guys like the worst person to bring to a trivia night. Okay, the next question is, what do you call the box that you put mail in? Oh my God! Thank, th, th th th, th tht, tht, tht, tht, ththa, ththa, ththa, ththa, ththa, ththa, ththa, ththa, thi, thi, ththa, thi, thi, I thi, I thi, I thi, I'm thi, I'm thi, I would thi, I would thi, I thi, I thi, I thi, I thi, I thi, I thi, I I I thi, I thi, I thi, I I thi, I thi, I thi, I thi, I thi, I thi, I thi, I thi, I thi, I thi, I thi, I thi, I'm thi, I'm thi, I'm thin, thin, thin thoan thoanan thin thoananananan, thin thin, thoanananananan, I'm thin, I'm thin, Ivia night. Okay, the next question is, what do you call the box that you put mail in?

Oh my God, thank God, we've got the Postmaster General on our team. What do you think to Joy? Um, okay, I know this one, they're blue. Oh, I'm taking all of them away. Oh, I should know this. But in a way, this is kind kind kind kind kind kind kind kind kind kind kind kind kind kind kind kind kind kind kind kind kind kind kind kind kind kind kind kind kind kind kind kind kind kind kind kind kind kind kind kind kind kind refreshing to watch. I mean, we're so used to seeing guys in power mansplaining and going, well, actually, it's refreshing to see a man who's just like, look, lady, you tell me, I don't know shit. But let's move on to Jerry Falwell Jr., President of America's foremost evangelical

university, and werewolf that quit mid-transformation. Fawwell has been a fixture of the Christian conservative movement for 15 years, since following his famous father into the family business. But now, all of a sudden, he's not. All right, breaking overnight, influential evangelical leader Jerry Falwell Jr. is indeed out as president of Liberty University. After a tumultuous day where his fate lurched back and forth, Falwell was put on indefinitely two weeks ago after he posted a photo on social media showing him and a woman

both with their pants unbuttoned. Questions about Jerry Falwell Jr.'s leadership at Liberty University in Lynchburg, Virginia, come after John Carlo Granda claimed in an interview with Reuters that he had a years-long sexual relationship involving Falwell's wife and the evangelical leader. Granda said he was 20 when he met the Falwells while working as a pool attendant at a Miami Beach hotel in March of 2012.

Granda said their relationship continued until 2018 and involved him having sex with Becky Falwell, while Jerry Falwell looked on. Okay, look, let's start off with this. What consensual adults do in their sex life is up to them, and I don't judge anybody for anything. You do whatever tickles your exposed fly. But Forwell has made it his business to judge what everyone else is doing with their sex lives.

He speaks out against gay relationships. And until just five years ago, students at his university weren't allowed to do anything beyond holding hands or even watch horroated movies. Meanwhile, he's apparently letting this pool boy check his wife's chlorination levels. Honestly, sometimes I think guys like this are reading a different Bible to the rest of us.

Because the Bible I read says to love thy neighbor, and judge not lest you be judged first. But this guy's Bible is like, these gays are gross but here's something you can do that super hot. And look I've said it before. Nothing is more dangerous to a relationship than a sexy pool boy. That is why I only use one of those pool cleaning robots. I mean don't get me wrong I still to smash the thing but it's not interested. The Daily Show with Trevor Noah, Ears Edition. Watch the Daily Show Weekn, thear's at 11, 10 Central on Comedy Central and the Comedy Central

app. Watch full episodes and videos at the Daily Show. Follow us on Facebook, Twitter and Instagram and subscribe to the Daily Show on YouTube for exclusive content and more. This has been a Comedy Central Podcast. When 60 Minutes premiered in September 1968, there was nothing like it. This is 60 Minutes. It's a kind of a magazine for television. Very few have been given access to the treasures in our archives. You're rolling? But that's all about to change.

Like none of this stuff gets looked at. That's what's incredible. I'm Seth Done of CBS News. Listen to 60 Minutes, a second look on Apple podcasts starting September 17.