The Daily Show: Ears Edition - ICYMI - Wild Conspiracy Theories About the Coronavirus

Episode Date: May 27, 2020

Trevor examines conspiracy theories about the origin of COVID-19 that place the blame on bat cuisine in China, a bioengineering plot against senior citizens and 5G technology. Learn more about your ad-choices at https://www.iheartpodcastnetwork.comSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

You're listening to Comedy Central. When 60 Minutes premiered in September 1968, there was nothing like it. This is 60 Minutes. It's a kind of a magazine for television. Very few have been given access to the treasures in our archives. But that's all about to change. Like none of this stuff gets looked at. That's what's incredible. I'm Seth Done of CBS News. Listen to 60 Minutes, a second look, starting September 17th, wherever you get your podcasts. With coronavirus completely

changing our way of life. They have been many questions that it has forced all of us to ask ourselves. Like if grocery store workers and delivery people are essential workers, then shouldn't they earn a living wage? Should health care be tied to employment? Is it okay to have a romantic relationship with your house plants? But once we get out of this, once this is all done and we can finally leave the house, and do normal things like tongue-kiss our Uber drivers, thereto be one question. One question that people want an answer to more than anything. Where in the hell did this disease come from?

Because before the virus shut down the world, people were happy. People were happy to accept the official explanation from China, which was that the virus originated at a live animal market where it somehow jumped from a bat to a human And we were like, okay, I think that's the plot of dark night, but we'll accept it But now, now that all of us have been stuck in the house with nothing to do except throw our cat's birthday parties over zoom Everyone, everyone at home has had time to come up with some theories about how exactly they think this whole thing went down.

Now I've also been spending a lot of time online, and the most common conspiracy theory I've seen is that the virus jumped from a bat to a human the same way Oreos jumped from packaging into my roommate's mouth. I know where they're going, Billy. And this is a theory many people were willing to to to to to to to be we to be we to to to to the to the their their their their their their their their their thi. thi. their thi. thi. thi. the. thi. the, thi. the, the. the. the, the, the, the, the, the, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi. thi. thi. thi. the, the, the, the, the, the, the. We. the. thei. thei. thean. thean. thean. thean. thean. thin. thei. thei.ei.e. the.e. Billy. I see you. And this is a theory many people were willing to accept because of racism. People are saying that in China, they eat all kinds of crazy things. Hell, I heard they eat cookies with a piece of paper inside. I was also ready to believe this pandemic could have started as a food thing. Because, look, man, I've been in situations where food starts a thing. Like I was on a flight once once once once once once once once once once once once once once once once once once once once once once once once once once once once once once once once once once once once once once once once once once once once once once once once once once once once once once once once once once once once once once once, thuauauauauaua. thua. th. thia, thia, thia, thia, thi, thia, thia, thia, thi, thi, thi, th. th. th. th. th. thi. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi. thi. th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th the the the the thi. Like I was on a flight once where one person ate a tuna sandwich,

but then we all paid the price. So the story made sense. Until it came out that those viral videos of people eating batsw weren't even filmed in China. Yeah, and then we found out that viruses can't survive cooking anyway. So that was out the window. Then I heard about a different conspiracy theory theory otally makes sense. You see it turns out Corona was never just a virus. No, it was actually a weapon created to take old people out.

If you go online there's no shortage of conspiracy theories. All right, so here's one. The virus was bioengineered in a lab by scientists to be used as a weapon or a form of population control. This is a theory former politician Bronwin Bishop has also suggested. It is to get rid of non-productive Chinese in the Chinese community. In the words of George Bernadschule should be eliminated, so they don't have to be fed. Roseanne Barr is calling the novel coronavirus pandemic a ploy to kill baby boomers. You know what it is, Norm? I think they're just trying to get rid of all my generation. All right now this theory, this theory made complete sense. Who dies the most from the virus? Old people. to die the most anyway? the perfect crime. And think about it. As soon as people started saying okay boomer all of a sudden we

got coronavirus and old people are dying that can't be a coincidence and you might be asking oh why would anyone why would anyone want to take out all the old people? I don't know. Maybe it's because someone was tired of giving up their seat on the bus. Maybe restaurant owners are just tired of having to open for dinner at 3 p.m. Maybe young people were just tired of getting their ass whipped at bingo. The point is, the motive is there. Now I will admit, as much as I wanted to believe that theory, I, uh, I had to let it go. Okay. Because a team of team of team of team of team of team of team of the team of team of the the the team of the the the the of the the of of the of the the the the the of s s s sie of sc-s their sie of si their their their si. their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their si. their si. their si. tie. tie. tie. tie. tie. tie. tie. tie. tie. tie. tie. tie. tie. tie. tie. tie. tie. tie. tie. tie. thea. thea. thea. thea. the. theenced the genome of the coronavirus.

They broke it down and they found that unlike every butt in Miami, this virus definitely wasn't man-made. So, okay, fine. Maybe this wasn't a biological weapon designed to destroy the slot machine economy. But that wasn't my favorite theory anyway. Because there's one theory, one theory that actually makes the most sense, and it was this. There's a conspiracy theory sweeping the globe that coronavirus is caused by 5G technology. The theory is that 5G damages the human immune system.

All of us should know what's taking place right under our noses. What 5G actually does, it absorbs oxygen and that's really important to know. 5G gets switched on, people drop light flies, and all of a sudden you've got the excuse because well there's a virus going on. Some people in the UK bought into it so much they started lighting cell phone towers on fire. 5G burning, burning, burning, burning, burning, burning. Yes! Burn those cell phone towers down!

We got to put an end to coronavirus. And all group chats. I don't know who any of you people are, but I did not ask to be a part of this group. Now I know some of you are sitting at home right now, smug, like, oh, how does 5G cause a virus? How does it? I'll tell you how. Ask yourself this question. What is 5G?

It's a super fast network that runs through the air. You know what else goes through the air? Corona virus. What else goes through the air? Superman. And what burger did I eat while watching the lost Superman movie? Five guys, five guys, five G. I rest my case. Now, I'm not gonna lie.

There are few coverage gaps in this 5G theory, just a few, just a few things that make me doubt. For starters, every part of this theory is completely ridiculous and biologically impossible. Not to mention, coronavirus has also exploded in places where they don't even have 5G. so, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, th, I, I, th, th, th, th, I, th, th, I, I, th, I, th, I th, I th, I th, I th, I'm th, I'm th, I'm thi, I'm thi, I'm thi, I'm thi, I'm thi, I, I, I'm, I, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I, I'm, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I thi, I thi, I thi, I thi, I th, I th, I th, I'm th, I'm th, I'm th, I'm th, I'm not thi, I'm not thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thoge, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, I'm not thi, I'm not to mention, coronavirus has also exploded in places where they don't even have 5G, so I haven't figured that out yet. And 5G, just like 4G and 3G before it is broadcast at such a low frequency. It's too weak to do any damage to you. Yeah, so saying 5G makes you sick, it's sort of like

saying an iPhone flashlight gave you a sunburn. In fact, 5G? Broadcasting the same range as a normal radio. Yeah. And let's be honest, the most dangerous thing we've gotten from a radio wasn't a virus. It was mumbo number five. And that only killed, what, 6,000 people, tops? So, where did the coronavirus come from? I don't know. Are you happy I said it? I don't know.

But I'll tell you this. I don't care if any of these conspiracy theories have been debunked. I'm not taking any chances. From now on, I will no longer be ordering the Popeye spicy bat sandwich, even though it's delicious. I also decided I'm not going to get old. It's just too risky too risky too risky too risky too risky too risky too risky too risky. And most importantly, I've stopped using cell phones. Yeah, no 5G for me. From now on, I only use a pager.

And yeah, I know that makes it harder to send nudes, but I'm going to do my best. And I know the alternative to all of this is that I could just wait for doctors and scientists to figure out where this virus came from. But I mean, come on, man. I'm th. I'm tho, I'm tho, I'm tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, th. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. tho, tho, to to to to to to to to to, come on, man, I'm not crazy. and subscribe to the Daily Show on YouTube for exclusive content and more. This has been a Comedy Central Podcast. When 60 Minutes premiered in September 1968, there was nothing like it. This is 60 Minutes. It's a kind of a magazine for television. Very few have been given access to the treasures in our archives.

Really? But that's all about to change. Like none of this stuff gets looked at. That's what's incredible. I'm Seth Done of CBS News. Listen to 60 Minutes, a second look, starting September 17th. Wherever you get your podcasts.