The Daily Show: Ears Edition - If You Don't Know, Now You Know - Angela Merkel Steps Down

Episode Date: December 6, 2021

German chancellor Angela Merkel leaves office after 16 years in power, and Trevor explores the trajectory of her global influence over the course of her political career. Learn more about your ad-choices at https://www.iheartpodcastnetwork.comSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

You're listening to Comedy Central. For nearly two decades, Germany has been led by just one person. But today, she said her final Alvidezane. She is arguably the most powerful woman in the world, but now after 16 years at the helm of one of the world's largest economies, Angola Merkel is leaving Germany's highest office. But now, after 16 years at the helm of one of the world's largest economies, Angela Merkel is leaving Germany's highest office, and the stakes couldn't be higher. Who will provide the stability and economic success she has overseen? You know who really finds it hard to imagine German politics after this election?

Generation Merkel, Germans who've never known another Prime Minister, their whole young lives. They call her Muti or Mom. Now as Muti is leaving the Chancellor, Germany is out of his comfort zone. She leaves by choice, still enjoying a remarkable 70% approval rating. As her 16-year tenure as Chancellor comes to a close, Germany celebrated her time in office with a traditional military ceremony. Yo, Germany, what the fuck? You know, am I the only one who picked up the Nazi vibes there?

The tortures and shit? Yo, you guys better stop before you reach Poland. We're watching you. You guys casually like, we do this all the time. No, you don't. Anyway, it's pretty crazy that Merkel was in power for 16 years. I mean, to give you some perspective on how long that is, when Merkel first became Chancellor,

Farrell Williams looked like this. And now, when she's leaving, Ferell looks like this. Okay, that wasn't very helpful, but a lot of time is past is what I'm trying to say. And what's really remarkable is that after all that time she still has a 70% approval rating. Guys, usually the only time a world leader leaves with that high of an approval rating is because they killed everyone that didn't approve. In fact, I feel bad for the Chancellor who has to replace her and try win over all the kids who've only known Angola in their lives lives lives. their lives. their lives. their lives. thiiii. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. Guys. thi. Guys, thi. Guys, thi. Guys, thi. Guys. Guys. Guys. Guys. Guys. Guys. Guys. Guys. Guys. Guys. Guys. Guys. Guys. Guys. Guys. their. Guys. Guys. Guys. Guys. their. Guys. Guys. their. Guys. their. Guys. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. thi. thi. thi. thi. th thi. thi. thi. th th thi. th thi. thi. thi. their their their their their their their their getting a new stepdad. You can't tell me what to do. You're not my real Chancellor. I know I can never replace your Chancellor, but maybe, just maybe, I can be your friend. Now, through her 16 years in power, Merkel has never been the type of

leader to try and grab the headlines. Never. In fact, you might be watching this right now, thrown that even though she's thiiiii Anatomy, you don't really know much about her. Like, where did she come from? And why is everyone so freaked out about her leaving? Well let's find out in another installment of, If you don't know, now you know. Angela Merkel has been one of the most powerful and influential people on the planet for a long time now. She was even Times person of the year in 2015, which is impressive considering that that was the year Neil Armstrong walked on the moon. I think. Look, I don't really know.

The pandemic has warped my sense of time. And this is something, this is something early in her career that nobody would have seen coming, because when she started out in politics, she was underestimated by everybody. The fall of the Berlin Wall led to the rise of her political career, a shy figure thrown into the spotlight. This mousy figure, who blushed readily and was and was the milked and was mocked the milked the milked the milked the milked the milked the milked the milked the milk thrown into the spotlight. This mouty figure who blushed readily and was mocked as the milkmaid. Merkel had an astonishing rise through German politics because her mentor, the long-serving Chancellor Helmut Cole, had pragmatically needed a woman and someone from the

former East Germany in his cabinet. But the political novice revealed both a politically lethal streak and a capacity to outplay her male rivals. She had a knock for toppling those who underestimated her. Her mentor, the formidable Chancellor Helmut Cole, used to tease her for her provincial manners. And yet, within a decade, she was calling for his resignation as he faced allegations of corruption. By 2005, she'd become the country's first female chancellor.

Who would have thought the highest office would go to a woman so soon? Yeah, Germany elected a female leader long before America did. But I mean, that's no surprise. Germans have always embraced diversity. Like you could look back at the last, say, 76 and a half years of German history, and you can see that that's true. And her rise, her rise is especially unexpected, considering how little people thought of her when she started.

I mean, to be the butt of jokes from her, that must have hurt, especially because Germans only make one joke a year, and they saved it for her. Okay, milkmaid, that was funny. Milkmaid, ha ha ha ha! Okay, no more laughing! Back to work. But if there's one thing we've learned from movies, it's that you should never underestimate the shy, mousy woman.

I mean, she's all that. The devil wears Prada, the Blair Witch, they all ended up winning. And here's the thing, though. Long after she established herself as a global force, Merkel still had to contend with fellow world leaders who didn't treat her like an equal. And coincidentally, they were all dudes. Berlusconi arrived at a summit with his cell phone,

plastered to his ear leaving his hostess, German Chancellor Angela Merkel on hold. Chancellor Merkel greeted other leaders and waited. After about eight and a half minutes, she gave up and left. She managed to reset Germany's relationship with George W. Bush's warmesthap, George W. Bush's warmth and respect often came off as cloying. The moment that seemed to sum up their odd couple relationship, Bush's over-friendly back-rob at a St. Petersburg summit. If President Bush could be too touchy, President Trump famously refused to even shake

Merkel's hand. try to come to go. Several years ago, Putin brought a large dog to a meeting with Merkel, apparently wanting to test her, knowing she has a fear of dogs. She was terrified, says one analyst, but didn't flinch. She was still able to joke about it, influent Russian. God damn.

I like dogs, and that dog scared me. I mean, look at the size of that thing. It's like an evil cliff. And obviously bringing a dog to that meeting was a that, that, that but on the other hand, he can cover it in poison first, so by Putin's standards, that is some good diplomacy. And that's for Trump. A lot of people blamed him, though, like he didn't want to shake hands with it. No. He just learned his lesson.

He reauntz. I can't control it, folks, and now I keep me here. For real, though, the way these leaders treated her is embarrassing. I mean, imagine being the head of one of the most politically powerful countries in the world, and still, everyone is treating you like you're in an episode of madmen. And you can't even really do anything about it because there's no HR for for world leaders. What are you going to issue a forceful statement about, sorry, what? It was vetoed?

Okay, well, we tried. All right, next up, climate change. It, what, vetoed as well? Okay, well, we tried. Now, luckily, as a German, Mokl wasn't ph Germany and the whole of Europe through to the other side. Many in Europe saw Merkel as a steady hand in times of crisis. In critical moments Angela was that lady, that madam who intervened and helped us to find the solution. Angle Merkel, Lottet is a bulwark Europe, helping save it from imploding during the 2009

debt crisis. Angle America for 16 years has kept their country in a kind of bubble. All those turmoils in the world were spared to the Germans. There was no economic slum. There was nothing. She curmed one of the major military crises we had in Ukraine with negotiating ceasefire with Russia. Merkel showed her resolve in 2015 when she allowed more than a million refugees, most fleeing from Syria's civil war, to cross into Germany.

It was later heavily criticized by those who believed Germany was overburdened. Merkel's answer to her critics was, the as shuffened us we can manage. Merkel was originally planning to step down in 2017 2017 but thought better of it after a populist was elected president. Merkel conferred with outgoing President Obama about the decision to run for another term, something she now felt compelled to do because of Trump. At the end of their final meeting together, the president remembered, quote, a single tier appearing in her eyes. The president later saying, Angela, she's all alone. Oh, you've got to feel bad for Merkel. Because Trump won, she felt she had to stick around

way longer than she wanted. I mean, no one could understand what that feels like, except maybe Melania. And that just goes to show you how insane it was that Trump got elected. Like, if you get a job and someone all the way in Germany is like, oh my God, this certainly changes my life plans. That is saying something about you. I mean what it's saying is that Trump was terrifying and in a way he's also very inspirational. I mean he inspired Merkel to run. He inspired Biden to run. He inspired Mike Pence to run away from Trump supporters who are trying to hang him He inspired Mike Pence to run away from Trump supporters who are trying to hang him. Please don't, mother says we save that for my birthdays. But this is why Germany

and the rest of Europe are a little freaked out about not having milk around anymore, right? Whatever the crisis was, whether it was refugees or the economy or a crisis of democracy, she was the calm and stabilizing force that kept everything from falling apart. She's like the Cardi B feature feature feature feature feature feature feature feature feature feature feature feature feature feature feature feature feature feature feature feature feature feature feature feature feature feature feature the beat beat beat beat beat beat beat beat beat beat beat beat beat beat beat. the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the. th. th. to to to to to to to to to to to th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. to to to to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, th. to, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi, thi, the the. the the the the. the the. the the the the. the the the. the. the. the. the. the everything from falling apart. She's like the Cardi B feature on any rap song. No matter how bad the beat or the other rappers, you know Cardi B's gonna bring the fire and save the song. Yeah, like if Cardi B featured on the national anthem, even Colin Kappenick would be like, I got a stamp for this part.

Whop, whop, and career of being Europe's designated driver. You kept things stable. You stood up for democracy and you never once, never once appeared on Jeffrey Epstein's flight logs, which is really hard for a world leader to pull off. So after 16 years of holding the global system together, you deserve to relax, take a load off and go and get a massage. A massage you actually want this time. Watch the Daily Show, weeknights at 11, 10 Central on Comedy Central,

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