The Daily Show: Ears Edition - In My Opinion: Leslie Jones & Charlamagne Tha God

Episode Date: April 29, 2024

Leslie Jones advises Americans to not elect Donald Trump and Charlamagne Tha God confronts the villainization of DEI. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Finding great candidates to hire can be like trying to find a needle in a haystack. You might get a lot of resumes, but not enough candidates with the right skills or experience. But not with Zip Recruiter. Zip Recruiter finds amazing candidates for you fast. And right now you can try it for free at Zip Recruiter's smart technology. Sip Recruiters' smart technology identifies to the talent for your roles quickly. Immediately after you post your job, zip recruiters powerful matching technology starts showing you qualified people for it, and you can use zip recruiters pre-written invite to apply message to personally reach out to your favorite candidates and encourage them to apply sooner.

Ditch the other hiring sites and let zip recruiter find what you're looking for, the needle in the haystack. Four out of five employers who post on zip recruiter get a quality candidate within the first day. Try it for free at this exclusive web address. Zip Recruiter.com slash zip. Again, that's zip recruiter.com. Zip recruiter, the smartest way to hire. Hey, everybody, John Stewart here. I am here to tell you about my new podcast. The Weekly Show. It's going to be coming out every Thursday. So exciting. You'll be saying to yourself, TGID. Thank God it's Thursday.

We're going to be talking about all the things that hopefully obsess you in the same way that they obsess me. The election. Economics. Earnings calls. What are they talking about on these earnings calls? We're going to be talking about ingredient to bread ratio on sandwiches. And I know that I listed that fourth, but in importance it's probably second. I know you have a lot of options as far as

podcasts go, but how many of them come out on Thursday? I know you have a lot of options as far as podcasts go, but how many of them come out on Thursday? I mean, talk about innovative. Listen to the weekly show with John Stewart, wherever you get your podcast. You're listening to Comedy Central. The Daily Show is taking a break this week, but don't worry, we have some specially selected episodes from the archives just for you. The Daily Show will be back with brand new episodes next week. In the meantime, enjoy today's episode. Studies show that other people also have opinion. So here with another installment of, in my opinion,

is our good friend, Leslie Joe. Yes. That's right, your favorite auntie is back to straighten out America. Because America needs me, Lord, have mercy. Yes. That's right. Your favorite auntie is back to straighten out America. Because America needs me. Lord, have mercy.

The election is now less than eight months away and guess what? America is on the path to doing something really, really stupid. New Fox News polls, finding former President Trump, leading President Biden by five points nationally in a head-to-head matchup. This is his biggest lead yet against Joe Biden. Just over half of those voters said that they are worse off today than compared to 2020. A new CBS News poll shows 46% of registered voters remember the Trump-era presidency as excellent or good compared to President Biden's 33% if the election were held today even Democrats I I know,

think that Trump would win. What the f-feeh-is wrong with us? Seriously, this is like a movie where you see the disaster coming from a mile away and nobody is stopping it! Every time I turn on the news I'm shouting at the screen like, like it's a horror movie, don't go in there America! Leather faces in their America! I mean, are we going to really bring back a man who tried to overthrow the government?

This is like asking Jeffrey Upstine to watch your kids. Or a pedophile priest to watch your kids. Or that sick f-feeh who used to work at Nickelodeon to watch your kids. Hey, how about we do this? Don't let anybody watch your kids! And listen, I know some people don't care about January 6th, but let me remind you about something real quick. He was also a terrible,

fucking president! Before thee! Do you really not remember? I know we don't have the attention spans anymore, but how can you forget the man who wanted to nuke a hurricane? That actually happened. And the thing that gets me the most is there are people who are saying we're worse off than we were in 2020. In 2020, we didn't even have fucking toilet paper. We was wiping our ass with family photos.

And listen, I know the pandemic wasn't Trump's fault, but Trump made it worse every chance he got. Don't you people remember the kind of advice he was given us? President Trump suggested without facts that bleach injections might fight COVID. And then I see the disinfectant, where it knocks it out in a minute, one minute, and is there a way we can do something like that by injection inside or almost a cleaning? He told us to inject ourselves with disinfecting! We turned to him for advice and dude was like, kill yourself. I can go on and on about why it would be a terrible idea to bring back Trump.

But you know what? I guess I shouldn't be surprised that America is about to do something that we know is harmful to us because that is what we always do. Look at how we treat our own bodies. We know we need to sleep eight hours a night, but we stay up all night scrolling onto our phone until it falls on our damn face. We know we should take care of our mental health, but we entertain ourselves by watching documentaries

of fucking serial killers. We know we should go to the doctor, but instead we get medical advice from the internet. Listen, listen, I'm guilty of it too. When I feel sick, I look up symptoms on WebMD. I know it's irresponsible, but I can't control myself, probably because I'm dying of scurvy. We are constantly making decisions that we know are bad for us. We know we should be eating healthy but instead we eat like shit. We are out here eating d'oeuvres.

We are out here eating double stuffed Oreos and triple decker sandwiches. We know we should be eating healthy. But instead we eat like shit. We are out here eating double stuffed Oreos and triple-decker sandwiches. We stack our food like a fucking Jenga. You know what has only one layer? A goddamn carrot! Just look at the linch we go. Just look at the lince we go to for fast food. Look at it! Well this week we learned the answer to the age-old question, how long would you wait

in line just for an in-and-out burger? At the store's first location in Idaho, some patrons had to wait as long as eight hours. This week's opening featured customers, even braving cold temperatures to camp out overnight, just to be the first in line. You disgusting gluttonous, mothnist, moth-hawks. Eight hours? I'm not a mathematician, but if you're waiting eight hours for fast food, it ain't fast food! No mo! Some of the stuff we eat shouldn't even be legal. In fact, in some of the stuff we eat shouldn't even be legal.

In fact, in some countries, it's not legal. There's shit that's been banned in Europe because it gives you cancer. And we're like, nah, we're good. Because we don't care enough to make good decisions. It's even acceptable in America to binge drink as an adult. Listen, it's cute at 21, but baby, at 45, that's called alcoholism. And after eating like shit, we know we should be exercising, but instead we're doing shit like this.

And next, you've always wanted six-pack abs but can't seem to get to the gym. Now there's a shortcut for that. Researchers at the University of Miami have developed a new plastic surgery technique called abdominal etching. It can reshape belly fat to make you look like you spent a lot of time at the gym. Tools and some foam, this is surgery, are used to sculpt abdominal fat to accentuate muscle lines, typically six for men and three vertical lines for women. Jesus wept. What is wrong with you people? You can't trick people into thinking that you got fake abs?

That's why we got Spanks. I can't believe that this is what we got our scientists working on. Forget about curing diseases. We've got to make Jordan look like he doing sit-ups. I mean, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, Uh, uh, you may, maybe we use a different name for that joke. No, no, I think that's a good name.

I think it makes the joke perfect. Like, Paul or Steve or a, no, no, no, no, no. I mean, there's a lot of... But it's not just Jordan. But that's that's that's that's that's not just that's not just that's not just that's not just that's that's not just that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's a that's a that's a that's a that's a good. No. No, that's a good that's a good that's a good that's a good that's a good that's a good that's a good that's a good that's a good that's a that's a that's a that's a that's a that's a that's a that's a that's a that's a that's a that's a that's a thiii. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thii. thi. that's a that's a thi. thi. there's a lot of but it's not just Jordan We all make wrong decisions from food to exercise to mental health last but not least most importantly we know we shouldn't be dating DJs. But here I am, swiping right on every fucking guy with DJ in his bio. Now I'm on the third hour of listening to his new song and the beat still hasn't dropped. Drop the fucking beat, DJ, Andre! I gotta go get some sleep! So here's an idea, America.

How about for at least this election? For this one thing, let's not do the obviously stupid thing that we know we shouldn't do. How about for at least this election, for this one thing, let's not do the obviously stupid thing that we know we shouldn't do. And that means you're going to have have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to put to put some some some some some some some some some some some some some some some some to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to to to to to to to to to to to the the the the the the the the the the the to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to not do the obviously stupid thing that we know we shouldn't do. And that means you're going to have to put in some effort. It means getting involved in the political process.

It means not sitting on your ass just because you're not in love with the choices. I know you like fast food. But this time, let's eat a carrot instead of voting for a guy who looks like a carry. Finding great candidates to hire can be like trying to find a needle in a haystack. You might get a lot of resumes, but not enough candidates with the right skills or experience. But not with Zip Recruiter. Zip Recruiter finds amazing candidates for you fast.

And right now you can try it for free at Ziprecruiter.com. Zip Recruiters' smart technology identifies top talent for your roles quickly. Immediately after you post your job, Zip Recruiters' powerful matching technology starts showing you qualified people for it. And you can use Zip Recruiters' pre-written invite to apply message to personally reach out to your favorite candidates and encourage them to apply sooner?

Ditch the other hiring sites and let zip recruiter find what you're looking for, the needle in the haystack. Four out of five employers who post on zip recruder get a quality candidate within the first day. Try it for free at this exclusive web address, zip recruiter.comcom slash zip.ip. Again that's zip recruiter.com slash zip. Zip recruiter, the smartest way to hire. It's been said that nigh skies finish last. But is that really true?

I'm Tim Harford, host of The Cautionary Tales podcast, and I'm exploring that very question. Join me for my new miniseries on the Art of Fairness. We'll travel from New York to Tahiti to India on a quest to learn how to succeed without being a jerk. We'll examine stories of villains undone by their villainy and monstrous self-devaring egos, and we'll delve into the extraordinary power of decency. We'll face mutiny on the vast Pacific Ocean, blaze a trail with a pioneering skyscraper and dare to confront a formidable

empire. The art of fairness on cautionary tales. Listen on the I-Heart radio app, Apple podcasts or wherever you listen to podcasts. John Stewart here. Unbelievably exciting news. My new podcast, The Weekly Show, the Weekly Show, we're going to be talking about the election, economics, ingredient to bread ratio, on sandwiches. Listen to the weekly show with John Stewart, wherever you get your podcast. Hey, y'all remember 2020, right? Yeah, COVID, social distancing, murder hornets?

Yeah, y'all forgot about murder hornets, huh? Or maybe you remember our nationwide reckoning with racism? After the murder of George Floyd, white people across America, looked around and said, wait a second, are we racist? So America took a good hard look at itself and when big corporations saw themselves in the mirror, they said, oh shit, we're white as f-fix. Inequality in corporate America, there are only five black CEOs running Fortune 500 companies.

You can see 6% of top executives as black in terms of the population United States. It should be 13%. In a video, Nike said don't pretend there's not a problem in America. Critics point out that all of Nike's executives are white. That's right. The board of Nike was so white they were all wearing new balance. And to address this problem, businesses turn to a solution called diversity, equity, and inclusion are DEI. It means more fair hiring policies, new anti-discrimination rules for the workplace and sensitivity training seminars.

And the first thing it led to was a shitload of ads. Real progress on diversity and inclusion doesn't happen without real work. Say celebrate diversity into the X-1 voice remote to discover curated content today. Every day, General Mills serves the world by making food people love. And inclusion, it's one of our secret ingredients. At Craft Times, our purpose is to make life delicious and we believe we can't achieve that without one essential ingredient. Diversity. It's diversity that makes life delicious. We're on a 400-year-long journey and scars

don't fade, but neither does hope. Ask your doctor if black people are right for you. That's right. Nobody's buying Vaseline because of diversity. Come to think of it. I don't think I've ever actually bought Vaseline. It's just there. Like, it comes with the house. So that's how things stood in 2020, but that was like 15 years ago.

Today when people talk about DEI, it's more likely to sound like this. DEI is just a rebranded version of hating white people. DEI, in this case, stands for divisive, erroneous and insidious. DEI, which stands for didn't earn it. Discrimination, exclusion, and indoctrination. DEI. DEI stands for Dr. Drain, Easy E, and Ice Cube. Yeah, yeah, yeah, y'all cheering out there, but do you want

with attitude coming to your office? These right-wingers are crazy, right? Jesus. But here's the part where you all stop applauding everything I say. The truth about DEI is that although it's well-intentioned, it's mostly garbage, okay? It's kind of like the Black Little Mermaid. Just because racist hated doesn't mean it's good. And you know I'm right, because every one of you has sat through one of those diversity training sessions and thought, th, th, tho th, th, th, tho tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the thi, thi, thi, thi, the, the, the, the, thean, thean, thean, throoooooooooooooooooooooooooooo'n'n' thean, and sessions and thought, this is a bullshit. And it's not just you.

Over 900 studies have shown that DEI programs don't make the workplace better for minorities. In fact, it can actually make things worse because of the backlash effect. Remember DARE from school? Y'all remember DARE? Yeah. She said, woo. DEI training is like dare for racism. And you all know how effective that was. I was sitting there going, oh shit, there's a ton of fun drugs I should try. I didn't even know about Molly. Thanks, Officer John.

But the biggest failure of DEI is that the number of black people in power at big companies is basically the same as it was five years ago. In fact, maybe the only thing that DEI has accomplished is giving racist white people cover to be openly racist. DEI breeds complacency, Dana, and complacency kills. We're going to have doctors who don't know how to perform heart surgery and we're going to have planes that are falling out of the sky. Boeing recently bragged not about being the best in the business, but about surpassing

its diversity quotas. Oh, goody. But then, not so good. A door flying off one of Boeing's 737 Supermaxes. I'm sorry, if I see a black pilot, I'm going to be like, thrown he's qualified. I mean, honestly, when I see a black pilot, I'm not worried that we're going to crash. I'm worried that we're going to get pulled over. Okay? That's right.

That's right. That's right. That's right. And no officer, I will not step out of this vehicle. But yeah, they're blaming DEI for everything. Even that bridge in Baltimore. They called Baltimore's mayor, the DEI mayor. Like he was given the job for being black.

Then they said the shipping company was too focused on DEI instead of safety. But almost the entire leadership with a company is white. No black people. If anything, the Baltimore mayor, he should have been the one to make it racist. Just come out like, these crackers knocked down my bridge. OK? All right?

And one of y'all crackers better pay for it. And honestly, I'm not surprised these programs didn't work. And here's why. It's just corporate PR. They want good vibes. And also, they want to cover their ass. Did you know that if a company gets sued for civil rights violations, just having a DEI program will be counted as evidence in their favor, even if the program doesn't

do shit, okay? It's the I have a black friend of the legal system. We don't need th need th need th need the the the the the the the the the the the the the the.'t do shit. Okay? It's the I have a black friend of the legal system. Right? We don't need corporate DEI. Yes, we want diversity and equity and inclusion. But we don't want it from Vaseline. Although I'm not going to front, Vaseline has been there for the black community.

Respect, okay? Right? That's right. I'm moized. Okay? Look, man, real DEI is only going to come from black leadership. I don't know how to do it because I'm not a black leader. But I do know how to tell if it's working. Just keep an eye on right-wing media.

The more they're freaking out, the more progress we're making. Explore more shows from the Daily Show Podcast Universe by searching the Daily Show, wherever you get your podcasts. Watch the Daily Show weeknights at 11, 10 Central on Comedy Central and stream full episodes anytime on Fairmount Plus. This has been a Comedy Central Podcast. Hey everybody, John Stewart here. I am here to tell you about my new podcast, the weekly show. It's going to be coming out every Thursday. So exciting. You'll be saying to yourself, TGID.

Thank God it's Thursday we're going to yourself, TGID, thank God it's Thursday. We're gonna be talking about all the things that hopefully obsess you in the same way that they obsess me, the election, economics, earnings calls. What are they talking about on these earnings calls? We're gonna be talking about ingredient to bread ratio on sandwiches. And I know that I listed that fourth, but in importance, it's the thens, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's thiiiiiance, it's that, it's that, it's that, it's that, it's that, it's that, it's that, it's that, it's that, it's that, that, it's that, it's that, it's that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's thii., that's that's thi. that's that's thi. that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's thiiaughee, that's that's And I know that I listed that fourth, but in importance, it's probably second. I know you have a lot of options as far as podcasts go, but how many of them come out on Thursday?

I mean, talk about innovative. Listen to the weekly show with John Stewart, wherever you get your podcast.