The Daily Show: Ears Edition - In the Field with Sam Bee

Episode Date: June 16, 2025

Don't worry, Bee happy, and listen to some of Sam Bee's best Daily Show field segments.  Embed with the Christian heterosexuals that feel persecuted by gay rights. Meet the tobacco farmer advocating for more child labor. Hear how hunters are trying to protect animals from oil and gas companies, so they can shoot them. Learn how the porn industry has discriminated against asian men. Celebrate a pair of gay penguins at the Central Park Zoo. Hear from the people that want to take social security away from the elderly. Finally, find out how Michelle Obama's organic White House farm could cause starvation and obesity at the same time. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

This is an iHeart Podcast. You're listening to Comedy Central. Gay rights have made great strides with a majority of Americans now supporting same-sex marriage. But there are still millions suffering from the sting of bigotry and bullying. Christians. It's open season to bully Christians and all in the name of tolerance and diversity. If I say I support traditional marriage, I'm automatically called a bigot. I'm called a homophobe.

We're getting to the point where these homo-fascists are going to force us to wear on our sleeves some kind of identifying marker. And evangelical Christians like preacher Matt Slick, have found themselves the victims of the most horrific bullying. Christians are getting bullied. The Christians that I talk to are intimidated. They'll often get persecuted. For what?

For just saying that they believe that homosexuality is wrong or that homosexuals are sinful, just like adulterers, just like pedophiles, just like liars, just like thieves. I'm just informing them. Okay, just like liars, just like thieves. I'm just informing them. Okay, so the homosexuals don't like that. That's right. They're not very tolerant. So hey, jerks, be more tolerant of your intolerance. Of my religious orientation.

But after spending an afternoon with Matt, Christian, coming through, I realized how tough it really isn't. People wouldn't stop staring at us. Hey, watch out! I've got a Christian! Guys! Dammit! It was clear that intolerance toward Christians

is a huge problem in his mind. And though there are countless actual examples of appalling intolerance against homosexuals. That's missing the real story The reverse happens as well where your homosexuals go out and find straights to beat up really Yeah You sure about that These kinds of events are not publicized very well. Why is this not being covered? Yes, why is this hypothetical violence not being covered?

Or recorded? Or even occurring? Maybe it's because the figures are being hushed up by the homosexual industrial complex. Now how come the homosexuals aren't defending us Christians with our right to be able to express ourselves? At what point has your right to express yourself been infringed upon? I don't know if it's going to happen, but I'm concerned about it. I have a radio show. I'm just concerned about any oppression that may come that people might say, Matt, you can't say that on the radio, that homosexuality is a sin. It's like you can't even go on the radio anymore and condemn a whole subset of people to hell

without getting some blowback. Well, when you put it that way, it does sound rather arrogant, myopic, narrow-minded, and bigoted. Good. Then I've done my job. No wonder he's concerned about Christian oppression. There are so few places where they can safely congregate. Apart from truck stops, airports, hospitals, inaugurations, the entire military, and also the other 330,000 churches

that can be found in most major and minor cities, townships, villages, and commonwealths. It makes you fear for vulnerable young Christians like Todd Clayton. I've been called names, been shunned from a community that I grew up in. I had to quit my job. And it's all because you're an outspoken Christian.

It's because I'm gay. I'm sorry, I thought you were a Christian. I'm also gay. So it was the gay part of you that was bullied? Right, exactly. OK, but as a Christian, you must admit that you need protection from people like you. That's insane.

This intolerant gay thug was just getting warmed up. Evangelical Christians are not experiencing bullying. It's essentially a giant temper tantrum that they don't get to be in charge anymore and that they have to share their toys. Okay, I don't think the evangelical Christians wanna play with your gay toys. There's not enough Clorox in the world.

Closed-minded gay agendas like Todd weren't willing to reach out to the other side the way Matt was. I've had homosexual friends. OK. Oh, that's so cool. I actually had a friend at the gym back in Southern California where he sat down next to me in a chacuzzi. And I knew right away he was gay.

How did you know? I just knew. And we became friends for a year, and we're sitting in a car together after going dancing together and having fun and doing movies. He says, I got something to tell you. I said, okay, and he told me.

I said, yeah, I knew. He goes, what do you mean, you, what? First of all, I met you in a jacuzzi. In a jacuzzi. And we constantly go dancing together. Yeah, well, I was even you know, he had some friends. At any rate, he was by. And so to all those evangelical Christians out there, be proud of who you are and who

you want to condemn to eternal damnation. Someday the gay bullies may learn to accept you. I feel like if you ever got the chance to just know a real Christian by having a jacuzzi with them and maybe going dancing a few times with them, maybe you would change your opinion of Christians. Sounds pretty gay. I guess the name calling may never end.

["Farming is the Backbone"] Farming, it's the backbone of this country. But did you know it benefits workers of all sizes? Children as young as seven are legally working in U.S. tobacco fields. Yes, according to a loophole in our agricultural labor laws, our hardworking tykes are free to pick as much tobacco as they want. And for Kentucky tobacco farmer and state senator Paul Hornback, it's the best thing for them. It's long days. It's in the heat.

It's out there in the sun. Some days it may be 100 degrees. But that's not bad. We've got lots of places to get shade, to cool off, to rest for a little while. What would you say to people who say, this market's too dangerous for 12-year-olds? Children need to experience things. But not tobacco farming, according to a new report by Human Rights Watch. And they're pushing for a law to ban the practice.

We don't need more laws on the books to try to protect everybody from everything that is out there. Kids are tougher than we give them credit for. That's exactly right. When I was a seven-year-old, I was wanting to work. I was wanting to do what the men were doing. He was right.

Working on a family farm filled me with pride. And no one knows better than these three tobacco-pulling scamps who've enjoyed working on a different tobacco farm in North Carolina since they were 12. So tell me about your experiences working on the tobacco farms. I'll start you off. Your grandpappy wakes you up.

You get a nice nutritious breakfast of farm fresh chicken eggs. Maybe the farmer's wife brings you a cool drink of lemonade to refresh you. No, definitely not. It's already the opposite. Really, nothing like that? No. Definitely not. It's totally the opposite. Really, nothing like that? We're not the farmer's family.

We're actually working for the farmer. And they don't even bring us water sometimes. They barely give us breaks. All kids complain about work. Kids do complain a lot. We're raising a society that's too soft. What I'm hearing from you is that American children are pussies. They too soft. What I'm hearing from you is that American children

are pussies. They're soft. I appreciate that you won't say it, but just nod if you think America's children are pussies. It's some of the hardest work that you could ever do. But we take the safeguards. You may see a 10-year-old out there picking tobacco, but you won't see him there all day.

I work 12 hours a day in the tobacco farm. Or sometimes a little bit longer. Oh, and is that typical? From the sun comes out to the sun goes down. How many shady naps did you get to take to refresh yourself? I have not taken any naps working. I just took about 90-something degrees outside and were working.

I'm sorry. I thought I was talking to some teenagers who took pride in their work. And the killjoys at Human Rights Watch don't want America's children experiencing the pleasure of tobacco, which they are not yet legally allowed to purchase. A tobacco farm is no place for a child. You know what? My son is 16 years old, and he still wears Velcro sneakers. I f***ing wish I could send him out in a tobacco field and let him do an honest day's work.

But many of the children we talked to reported symptoms consistent with acute nicotine poisoning from handling tobacco plants. Nausea, vomiting, headaches, dizziness. Oh, come on. Haven't we all felt dizzy and nauseous while at work? No, I don't get sick at work and maybe you need to work a little harder. I'm constantly throwing up at my job. I used to get sick at least like three times every summer.

Like sick with excitement? Throw up, a headache, it seems like the world was revolving around my head. I felt like I was going to die. Acute nicotine poisoning is really not that big a problem. It's no different from having a 24-hour virus where you have a stomach virus. It's like one cough or fainting spell or vomit attack and everyone starts freaking out.

That's right. You know? And we do things like wear the plastic garbage bags. We do those things to protect our health and I furnish all that. See, our children are already pampered with the heftiest safety technology gladly provided by the farmers. Kirkland. The farmer does not bring us anything like that. We have to provide our own stuff.

Yes, we have to buy ourselves gloves, bags. Okay, wow. You're making it very hard for me to ironically support child tobacco labor. What will be next? Can they not work out in the heat then picking pumpkins? Can they not work out picking green beans? First, they came for our child tobacco farmers,

and I said nothing. Because I had acute nicotine poisoning and was doubled over in pain. But lucky for Paul, tobacco work can still legally teach our children one invaluable lesson. You never appreciate a good job till you've had a bad one. You're so right. Those children are going to appreciate the shit out

of their next job. Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh!

Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! President Bush wants to open up public lands like New Mexico's Otero Mesa for gas and oil drilling. Environmentalist Oscar Simpson finds this detestable. President Bush doesn't care about Otero Mesa. He basically has reversed all the regulations to protect the habitat and wildlife.

He's going to allow oil and gas to pollute the area. It's going to wipe out the wildlife. And the wildlife, like the antelope, is dear to his heart. Antelope are a very majestic animal. It's something to behold and basically admire. If they're standing still and they're in a short distance, they're pretty easy to shoot. That's right, he's a hunter and an environmentalist. Will people just say it's all so predictable? Aren't you just another one of those gun-toting,

NRA-supporting, pickup truck driving, cracker-ass, anti-bush people? We're true green conservationists and we want the wildlife and habitat protected. But the oil and gas companies say they're the true green conservationists and we want the wildlife and habitats protected. But the oil and gas companies say they're the true green conservationists. Do you consider yourself an environmentalist? Yes, I do consider myself an environmentalist, just like I consider the overwhelming majority of the men and women in the oil and gas industry as

environmentalists. So you're just another one of those tree-hugging, wildlife-loving, nature-appreciating oil and gas executives. But I... You have to understand natural gas is a clean burning fuel. So if you're asking me is drilling for gas

good for the environment, I tell you absolutely it is. Just how good is gas drilling for the environment? Ask Tweety Blancet, who allowed gas drilling on her ranch. The oil and gas company allow contaminant spills. On our ranch we have found dead elk, dead mule deer, dead coyotes. Is your ranch anywhere near the Hidden Valley? I'm sorry, I don't know where the Hidden Valley is. The Hidden Valley Ranch?

The Hidden Valley Ranch. It's a classic conflict. Two environmentalist groups pitted against each other to see who gets to kill the animals. The hunters' methods and tools seem a little antiquated. Hunting equipment may include my bow or if I'm usually hunting with a rifle, maybe my rifle. But the gas company's techniques are truly visionary. There have been situations where excess or used drilling muds moved into a water stream. Tell me more.

We have had incidents of where cows have have drank some of the liquid and and we've had cows die. Very clever. It's all part of the industry's plan to use every part of the animal. First, cows drink contaminated water. They die and decompose. After millions of years of fossilization and breakdown of carbons, they become fuel, which, when extracted, contaminates more water. And the circle of life continues. Clearly, the oil and gas industry is more efficient at killing animals than the hunter.

Have you considered contaminating the groundwater in your hunt? No, I don't think so. But are the gas companies too efficient? When you disrupt the delicate balance of nature, some breeds of animals become endangered. Hunters could become endangered species. If there's no huntable wildlife, then there's no hunting, therefore no hunters. Yes, the hunter could go the way of the dodo. It's so rare to see one of you up close outside your natural habitat.

May I touch you? If you would like. You're so majestic. Oh, I'd like to shoot you. That's the last time I touched a hunter. But it wasn't the last time a hunter touched me. Nice and brand new! Last time a hunter touched me. Naaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa Naaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa Naaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa Naaaaaaaaaaaa Naaaaaaaa Naaaaaaaa Naaaa Naaaa Naaaa Naaaa Naaaa Naaaa Naaaa Naaaa Naaaa Naaaa Naaaa Naaaa Naaaa Naaaa Naaaa Naaaa Naaaa Naaaa Naaaa Naaaa Naaaa Naaaa Naaaa Naaaa Naaaa Naaaa Naaaa Naaaa Naaaa Naaaa Naaaa Naaaa Naaaa Naaaa Naaaa Naaaa Naaaa Naaaa Naaaa Naaaa Naaaa Naaaa Naaaa Naaaa Naaaa Naaaa Naaaa Naaaa Naaaa remain close to them, and this troubles Dr. Darrell Hamamoto, professor of Asian American studies at the University of California Davis. There are no Asian American men in mainstream porno. He published his findings in a respected academic journal,

and he substantiated his work with significant scholarly research. Well, I came across this classic adult video called, The World's Biggest Gang Bang, and I looked at it very closely. scholarly research. Well, I came across this classic adult video called the world's biggest gangbang, and I looked at it very closely. I think it runs over three and a half hours. And I came across not a single Asian-American performer. That's appalling. If they were allowed in, it would indicate that Asian-Americans at last, after 150 years, are reaching a level of equality that other groups have attained.

Dr. Hamamoto has a dream that one day Asian men will be judged not by the color of their skin, but by the character of their penises. Sadly, Professor Hamamoto's dream may never be realized because of men like this. Rob Spallone, the visionary producer of The Sopornos 1-8. Mr. Spallone, why don't you have any Asian men in your movies? I don't know any Asian porn actors. Would you say that your films are multicultural? Yeah. I mean, anybody can watch them.

By ethnicity, what kinds of actors and actresses do you cast in your films? Um... Swirl Fest is lesbian, black and white. I have a series called... F*** My White Tight Ass, which is black guys, white girls, all anal. Trying to do the world's smallest gangbang, trying to get 15-20 midgets. If I get 15-20 midgets then I'll shoot that. But no Asian men. Listen, I have nothing

against anybody. I'll shoot anybody that comes in unless the company I'm shooting for tells me no. Are you telling me that people will not pay to see Asian men getting a rusty trombone, snorting the camel or icing the puck? Snorting the camel? I never heard of that. Snorting the camel. You know, the girl's on top, the guy's got his toe in her... Oh yeah. I've seen girls stick their whole fists...

Let's move on. Yes, let's move on and not forget the real victims of this discrimination, Asian- American actors. What are some of the roles you've gotten? Currently I'm playing a minister on The Young and the Restless and of course I'm most identified as Captain Sulu from Star Trek. But he still hasn't been able to break into the adult film business. In the last few months, Young Wet Bitches and Cracker Jack 5 have gone into production.

Did you get any calls for these projects? Young what? Young Wet Bitches? Young Wet Bitches. And Cracker Jack 5 have gone into production. Did you get any calls for these pictures? Cracker Jack 5 and young wet bitches. Oh no and I have never auditioned for porno film. Just didn't seem worth it did it? I mean why bother

knocking on a door that you know is locked? Doesn't it sicken you that in the year 2003 we haven't moved beyond this. Beyond what? The Asian guy thing? I don't give a f***. I don't care about anything. So it's someone else's problem. It ain't mine. But it's a problem Professor Hamamoto is doing something about. I've made my own all Asian American adult film.

And I wrote a very compelling storyline to bring the film together. Come on in. You look beautiful. Thank you. Oh my God, why has it taken so long for someone to make this movie? No one really had the vision until I came along.

It's the worst piece of shit I ever seen. What does Professor Hahnemotor think he's gonna do with this thing? Sell it all over the world. He better have taken and f***ing it up his ass. We showed your film to a preeminent producer of porn. He seems to feel that your film is substandard. He's trying to protect his own interests, which is probably the interest of, you know, the white business world, I guess.

I don't give a f***. Tell Professor Hamamoto if he can get me the guys, these Asian guys that he's talking about that can't work in the porno business, to call me, I'll shoot them. Finally, there may be hope. Captain Sulu, do you think a day will come when your sons or grandsons will be accepted in this country as porn actors? As porn actors. It's almost too much to wish for.

One issue that figures to play a divisive part in the campaign is of course gay marriage. And you can see why. The president has said he's against it, while Senator president has said he's against it while senator Kerry has said he's against it well tonight Samantha Bee goes in depth on the real consequences gay marriage the effects of gay marriage are being felt across the country in ways we could have never imagined just a few months ago one of the most alarming developments is happening in New York City at the

Central Park Zoo. We have penguins that have formed a very strong pair bond and they are the same sex. Gay penguins? It's very very common in all zoos and again in nature to see homosexual behavior. Just because it happens in nature does not make it natural. I think by definition it actually does. And apparently some of these gay penguins are in long-term relationships. Roy and Silo have been together for five years. How many gay penguins do you actually have? Roy and Silo have been together for five years. How many gay penguins do you actually have?

Three pairs that are same sex. One female-female pair among the Gentoo penguins, and two male-male pairs among the Chin Straps. So two of your Gentoo penguins and four of your Strap-On penguins are gay. I have Chin St strap penguins. That's what I said. You said strap-on. How many gay penguins did you have two weeks ago before the gay marriage boom?

Well, I don't think gay marriage has anything to do with our penguins. But according to Dr. Paul Cameron of the Family Research Institute, the gay penguins have everything to do with gay marriage. There is no such thing as gay penguins. This is just propaganda. If you can believe that these are gay penguins, you're buying the gay agenda. When children see these feather dusters, these flightless felchers, these chum guzzlers, what message does it send to them?

When you have gay penguins, and you tell the kids this, you're saying to them, homosexual activity is everywhere, even among penguins. You could even get homosexually married. It's all okay. Whatever you want to do. And using penguins to further the gay agenda is ingenious. Penguins are already dressed in tuxedos, just like grooms. So if kids believe that penguins can be gay, then so can grooms. And then what's to stop groom and penguin marriages?

We don't want to turn our children into ass clowns. No, we don't want to turn them into any kind of animals. We want our children to be well socialized Americans. Yet the Central Park Zoo seems hell-bent on destroying America's children. We've got a chilled buffet of bird buggery. What are you doing to stop the spread of unnatural love outside the Penguin House? We have actually done nothing about that. Here at Central Park Zoo we have observed same-sex behavior among the seals and also some of the primates, including the snow monkeys. Yeah, don't feed them, but it's okay to validate their deviant lifestyle. Are there such things as homosexual animals? Boy, I don't think so.

Then how do you explain Chip and Dale? Garfield? Look out baby, Garfield is here. What about Garfield? He's a confirmed bachelor, he's picky about his food, he doesn't like to get his feet wet. Well, he certainly sounds like a candidate. But to prove there's no such thing as a gay penguin, he took me to the zoo. These birds are not gay.

They appear to put a lot of attention into their personal grooming. That's something that gays do. Our children should not be taught such a silly thing as that there are, quote unquote, gay penguins or lesbian penguins. OK, I'm with you on the male penguin sex. Deviant and disgusting.

But girl on girl penguin sex? That is hot. Oh. Dr. Cameron could deny it all he wanted, but there was no denying who these penguins were. It's raining better. ["It's Raining Better"] Now that President Bush's foreign policy has been a complete success and the world

is peaceful and poverty free, he's setting his sights on America's most critical domestic issue, privatizing Social Security. Now's the time to act. In 2042, the system will be broke. And the president is worried that in 2042 seniors will have a hard time getting their checks from the ruthless cyborgs that control the earth. Star Parker of Cure thinks she knows what to do with Social Security. End it. Social Security should die. Do we owe our senior citizens anything really?

I think it's time that American people say, no, we don't owe you anything. I'm very generous to elderly, but do I want the government taking half my check and sending it to them in the mail? No. Starr is tired of handing out cash to people who just blow it all on medicine and food. She believes the private sector is the answer, not government. The beautiful thing about the market is it adjusts to this, to anywhere there's a need. What if corporations got to sponsor old people? It'd be like, hey, there's FedEx Mr. Johnson,

or oh look, it's Cinnabon Max Goldberg. And it would be so great because he'd get to wear a huge cinnamon bun costume and that would also keep him warm. But the Stars plan really keeps seniors best interests at heart. Many would argue that those most in need will be overlooked. Jarvis Tyner thinks the elderly don't get enough benefits. The truth is that seniors can barely make it on what they get right now. We should be really increasing the benefits from social security. What are you, a commie? Yes, I am a commie.

Oh, right. What else would you do? We should wipe out poverty and racism and inequality towards women. Would you like to buy the world a Coke? We're boycotting Coke because of their activities down in Columbia. Okay, lighten up Jarvis. Holy sh**. But while Jarvis' boycott of Coke is working, his plan for Social Security will not. Hello?

Christ. But if we scrap benefits, how do we break it to the most vulnerable of our seniors? Let's do a little role play. I'll play an elderly person, and you tell me why you're ending my benefits. I have some good news and bad news. The good news is... What? We were going to be sending you $1400. Apple?

The $1400 a month that we said we were going to... Hold on a second. Here. Hello? I'm from the IRS and I have some news for you. I watch you every day on The View and I think you're a hoot. There is one other option for solving the Social Security dilemma. My name is John Doherty and I'm the director of the Empire State Senior Games. John's plan is to kill off the elderly by physically exhausting them. We have archery, we have basketball, track and field events, there's discus, there's

a shot foot, triathlon, more and more people are getting hooked on it. That's the best part of your plan, that they believe it's going to be good for them. The few that survive the athletics meet their demise in the dance chamber. What do you do with the seniors after they're finished? After they're finished? You know what I mean. There are many ways to fix social security. Perhaps we would be wise to ask seniors themselves

what they think. Well, I think that- For The Daily Show, I'm Samantha Bee. what they think. Well, I think that- For The Daily Show, I'm Samantha Bee. First Ladies. They traditionally promote uncontroversial causes like literacy, just saying no to drugs, and rehab.

But every once in a while, a First Lady goes rogue. Michelle Obama broke ground for an organic garden today. This seemingly harmless 20 by 50 foot token gesture has created a firestorm for Jeff Steyer of the American Council on Science and Health. I think the Obama garden should come with a warning label. Why? It's irresponsible to tell people that you have to eat organic and locally grown food. Not everyone can afford that.

That's a serious public health concern. Okay, I don't follow. People are going to eat fewer and locally grown food. Not everyone can afford that. That's a serious public health concern. Okay, I don't follow. People are going to eat fewer fruits and vegetables. Cancer rates will go up. Obesity rates will go up. I think if we decide we're only going to eat locally grown food, we're going to have a lot of starvation. That's right. The White House garden is the rare public health threat that can simultaneously cause starvation and obesity and cancer. On a scale of five-year-olds who smoke to 14-year-olds having unprotected anal sex,

where does this fit in? I would say there aren't a lot of five-year-olds smoking. There are a lot of 14-year-olds who think they're preserving their virginity by going in the back door. Which is why I think it falls somewhere between those two. But it may already be too late. Programs like the Edible Schoolyard are already sowing the seeds of starvation, obesity, and teen ass play. It's elitist to tell people you need to be eating organic food. Those snooty Obama's.

If you have a White House garden, you can have a healthy salad too in the summer months. Where's my White House, my garden? Right. Organic limousine liberals. Bunch of f**ks. Your expensive ass food. And a chef. The Obama's might just as well have planted abortion trees.

And it's limousine liberals like Ann Cooper who are bringing this elitist message to overprivileged children. What I'm promoting is the farthest thing from elitism. I'm promoting a world where every child, rich or poor, gets a healthy meal. That sounds pretty elite to me. The Obama organic garden brings really a lot of optimism to the way I feel about it. I wear a top hat and a monocle and I teach about nutrition. You should look at it.

That's you. That was an impression of you, in case you didn't notice. Fortunately, the American Council on Science and Health has figured out a way to undo the harm done by this garden. If the Obamas wanted to send a responsible message they would use pesticides teaching kids how to be more efficient and how to properly use chemicals to get more produce in your land. But the ACSH and the concerned folks that fund them like ConAgra, Monsanto, DuPont, Union Carbide, Dow and ADM can't take on big local garden alone. Educators need to teach that while

chemicals can sometimes be harmful, organic gardening is always harmful. Hi kids, I'm Farmer Sam. Hi Farmer Sam. Now, what do you think is better, nature or chemicals? Nature. Nature wants to kill you. All they needed was to hear the facts. You fertilize an organic garden with cow plops. Nature wants to kill you. All they needed was to hear the facts.

You fertilize an organic garden with cow plops. Eww! Let's talk about some of the things that we find in the chemical world, shall we? I believe that children are future. Oh my goodness! What? iPods! I love iPods! I need them. Yeah.

Touch them well and let them leave. What? iPods. I love iPods. Does anyone have any? Yeah. You really want to balance your chlorothalonil with your atrazine and your alichlor. The best thing about chemicals is you never know what they might do to you. Some of them might make you sick, but some of them also might make you invisible or make you fly. It was clear that with very little knowledge and a whole lot of pesticides, Jeff Steyer's dream of an organic free world might someday be realized. Explore more shows from The Daily Show Podcast Universe by searching The Daily Show, wherever you get your podcasts.

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