The Daily Show: Ears Edition - Jennette McCurdy - “I’m Glad My Mom Died”

Episode Date: September 18, 2022

Author Jennette McCurdy discusses how her relationship with her mother is far more common among child stars than is known, why she believes the message in her memoir “I’m Glad My Mom Died” is worth sharing despite potential backlash, and her return to the entertainment industry as a writer, podcaster, and director.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

You're listening to Comedy Central. Please welcome, Jeanette McCurdy. Jeanette McCurdy. Jeanette McCurdy. Hi. Hi. Thank you. Thank you.

to you can't. You're thee. . Hi. Jeanette McCurdy, welcome to the Daily Show. I feel so short, my feet aren't touching. Oh, that's fine. As long as you can swing them, you can swing them, you can swing around. Yeah, as long as you enjoy it. Oh yeah, I can lower the desk as well if you'd like.

This is good. Okay, good. I can't actually do it. I'm glad you asked me to do it. a book that I think for many people is seen as not just something funny, not just a story that's interesting, but in many ways a cathartic exploration of how we see the relationships that we have with many of our parents, our caregivers, whoever it was in our world, because you wrote a book entitled, I'm Glad My Mom died, and it is a massive hit. So two questions. One, did you hate your mom? And two, does everybody?

No, I definitely don't hate my mom. I think she was a really complicated and nuanced person, and I try to kind of articulate her to the best of my ability and all of her many shades and colors. To me, her humor is really, she could say things that were so wild and at times abusive, but she just had a certain cadence and a rhythm that was so humorous. So I tried to capture that, but I certainly didn't hate her and I think, I think that's why it was so important for me to write this book because getting to the place where I was finally glad and relieved that she was dead, you know, it took me so long to be able to accept that reality. And I also think that's something that people, I didn't hear anybody talking about. I didn't hear anybody saying, you know, that the sort of honest reality of what their experience with their parent was, if they had a similar one, it, it, it, it, it, it, th... thi, th. thi, to, to, to, and I, and I, and I, and I, and I, and I, and I, and I, and I, and I thi, and I thi, and I thi, and I thi, and I thi, and I also also, and I also, and I also thi, and I also that's, and I also that I also that I also, and I also, and I also, and I also, and I also, and I also, and I also, and I also, and I also, and I also, and I is, and I is, and I is, and I, and I, and I, and I, and I, and I th.. th. th. th. th. I also, and I also, I also, I also, I also, I also, I also, I also, I also, I also thi, I also thi, I also thin, I also thin, I also th. thin't th. th. th. thin, I also th. thi also thi also thi a thi a thi. I also a thing that you can't say because society doesn't accept it. It just you have to keep moms on a pedestal and we all have to have the same experience. And that just wasn't mine, so it felt even more important to express it in the book.

You go through your entire journey. Many people, you know, in America and some parts of the world will remember you you to remember you from I-I-I. the the the the the the the the the the the the the their.. their. their. their. their. their.Clap.Clap.Clapi. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. I was to have to have thoe. And you all have to have to have toe. And you tooome. And you toe. And you all. And you all. And you all. And you all. And you all. And you all. And you all. And you all. And you all. And you all. And you all. And to have to have to have to have to have. And. And. And. And. And. And. And. And. And. And. And. And. Ande. Ande. Ande. Ande. Ande. Ande. Ande. Ande. Ande. Ande. Ande. Ande. And toe. And toe. And toe. And toe. And toe. And toe. And toe. And toe. And toe. And toe. And toe. And what you were doing. As soon as you read through the book, you realized that you were suffering, you were experiencing trauma, it was really abusive in how you were doing, what you were doing. It feels like in many ways you were living your mom's dream and she was making you do this. Yeah. I would love to know how you did it. Did you have a switch? Did you have a compartmentalize? Because you You were were were you were you were you were you were you were you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you the tod tod tell tell to to the to the to their m. their m. to their m. their their their their their their their their their their their their their. I. I was their. I was their. I was their. I. I. I was. I was. I was. I. I was. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. their. their. their. their. their. their. I. I'm. I'm. I'm.a.a.a.a.a.a.a. te.a. te. te. te. the. the. the. the compartmentalize? Because you talk about it in the book, but you could never tell, you could never tell on screen what you were going through. No, no, so my mom always wanted to be an actress. Her dream was to be famous. And she would recount sort of these tales of how her parents wouldn't let her. their parents wouldn't let her. to thr, she their their their their their their their their their. She, tie. She, tell, tell, to camp, tell, toe, tell, tell, toe, toe, toe, to to to to to to to to tolde, tell. to to to to to to to to to to to told. told. told. told. told, told. told, told. told. told. told. told. told. told. told. told. told. told. told. told. told. told. toe. toe. toe. tell. toe. tell. tell, toe. toe. toe. toe. toe. toe. to, to, to. to, to, to, toe. toe. toe. toe. toe. toe. toe. tell. played Peter Brady in the Brady Bunch, she swore like, oh, they had a relationship. I think that was not true. Chris Knight, if you're watching, please let me know if my mom actually had a relation with you. But so she was always fascinated with

kind of Hollywood and the aura and the romance as she saw it. And so she put me in acting when I was six to kind of give, I think, in my eyes it was to live live, it was to live, it was to live, to live, to live, to live, to live, to live, to live, to live, to live, to live, to live, to live, to live, to live, to live, to live, to live, if to live, if to live, if to live, if to live, if to live, if to live, if to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to me, if to me, if to me, if to me, if the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th th the thi, the thi, the the the th the the. the. the. thea, the. thean, thi, to to meiously through me and to fulfill her dream and what she had always wanted. But it seems like she subjected you to a nightmare. Yeah. Because you were in a world where it's supposed to be fun. You know, you're making kids television and yet it seems pretty horrible. I also wonder if this is the relationship of many childstars or dotimes, I'd have like a hundred three feet for my mom would be having me chug gatorade, I'd be walking into like pretend to be a homeless child, which is just already so kind of messed up as it is.

And there's these dozens of other girls lined up to also try and be this homeless child. And the moms are like eyeing each each each each each each each each each each each each each each each each each each each each each each each each each each each each each each each each each each each each each each each, I is, I is, I is, I is, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I'm like, I'm, I'm, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I to, I to, I to, I th. I th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th's like, this is so, what is this world? It's so weird. But I am able to now kind of look back and see the humor in it. And I think it is a very absurd reality. But I do think there's a lot of inherent ironic humor there. I think what you've done in the book is precisely that. You've looked back and you've seen the humor, you use the humor, because this book without the humor is a devastating tale of a young child who is putting to a- A pity grab. It really seems-

It would be so awful, oh my God. I don't even be awful. I think it would be a lot harder for people to read. I think it would be painful, because it is still tool you're processing your life through. There's a point in the book where I find myself reading the stories of your mom, understanding the complicated world that she existed in, but then wondering, you know, like how you see her? Like, did you forgive her? Were you able to let it all go? Do you still hold some of those feelings? Like, what has your journey been? Oh my god, what a big good question. That's such a deep, like this

is what I spent 10 years in therapy to be able to now say on the Daily Show. That's so cool. That's really awesome. Well I'm glad you initially, you know, you're speaking kind of the humor and I do think it's a great coping mechanism and I don't, I try not to use it as a defense mechanism. I used it that way for a long time initially when I was first kind of trying to grapple with everything and I think that led to really unfunny choices and I think that led to to, the, thin, and I think that the sense of humor is just, thin, and I thin, thrown, and I thr-a, thin, that, thin, that, thin, thin, thin, thin, that, thin, thrown, thrown, thrown, thrown, thrown, thrown, thr-to thrown, thrown, thr-to thr-to thr-to thr-to thr-to thr-to thr-to thr-a, thr-a, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, the, thin, theeeeeeeeeeeea, throooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo, thethose tragedies can bring levity where it's necessary. I hope I've done that. With my mom, I haven't gotten to a place of forgiveness and I was trying to get to a place of forgiveness for so long in therapy I would sort of plead almost with my therapist of like why am I not able to get to this place? What is what's wrong with me that I'm not able to forgive my mom for this abuse. Why am I so terrible that I can't get to that place?

And she eventually said, you know, Jeanette, what if you just kind of dropped forgiveness and didn't make that your goal? Because that's you still trying to do your mom's work. I couldn't, yeah, right? I mean, that's exactly my reaction. I'm thinn't the that's that's that's that's that's their that's that's that's the. It's the. It's theat's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, th. Yeah, that's, that's, that's, th. Yeah, thoomorrow, that's, that's, that's, thoomorrow, thoomorrow, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, th. Yeah, th. Yeah, th. Yeah, th. Yeah, th. Yeah, th. Yeah, toe. Yeah, toe. Yeah, th. Yeah, toe. Yeah, toe. Yeah, toe. I's, th. I's, th. I'm, th.e.e.e.e.e.e. I'm, th.e.e. I'm, th.e. I'm, th. Yeah, th. Yeah, th. Yeah, th. I'm, to Aaron. Yeah. Wow. Yeah. It's a journey that I think far too many people have been. I think a lot of the success of the book has been that. Obviously it's well written. Obviously it's it's fantastically told, but it is a very complicated topic. How do you address the lack of love or the lack of parenting that you were supposed to get from that figure. Because as you say, mom is supposed to be this god this god this god this god this god god god god this god god this god god the god the the the the the the the the the the the the the the lack, the lack, the lack, the lack, tho. tho. to to to to to be to be to be to to to be to be to be to be toe. to be to be to be to be to be toe. to toe. to to to to to to to to to to to to to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be. to be. to be. to be. to be. to be. to be to be. toe. their their their th. th. the. the. the. their the. their their too. toe. toe. toe. toe. toe. to get from that figure. Because as you say, mom is supposed to be this god, this icon of everything.

Dad in some ways as well, but not the same. And yet you're in a world where you're going, oh, no, it's true. You know, people be like, oh, dad. I mean, dad was OK. theymea's tha, their todthere's this pedestal to their on. When you broach this topic, when you started thinking about it, were you worried that people would turn on you? I felt even if they did, it was a message worth sharing. I really mean that.

Wow, I love that. Thanks. I really do. Thank you. Because that was a post I saw online where someone was trying to chastise everybody for talking about the queen, you know, like just going like, we're dead, we're glad this monarchy is ending in some way. And someone was like, replace, you think it's funny, try and replace the queen with

your mom and see how funny it is. And someone put a picture of your book up. And then it was like, I'm glad the Queen died. And it feels like, no, but it feels like that is, it feels like that's what the book is dealing with. Is you dealing with the idea of a mom? And how that, how that competes or conflicts with your actual mom. Yes, oh my god. Yeah, should be on the backflap. I can write it.

I wish you would. You shared your story with us. You've gone through a world. Now you're back in the world of entertainment in a very different way. You're behind the camera. You're directing. You're writing.

You've got a podcast. It's interesting because it's a world that was that was that was so that was so that was so that was so that was so that was so that was so that was so that was so that was so that was so that was so that was so that was so that was so that was so that was so that was so that was so that was so that was so that was so that was so that was so that was so that's a that's a that's. that's. that's. that was. that was. that was. that was. that was. that was. that was. that was so. that was so. that was so. that was so. that was so. that was so. that was so that was so that was so that was so that was so that was so that was so that was so that was so that was so that was so that was so that was so that was so that was so toxic to you and now you've come back in a different way. Do you ever worry that it may suck you back in and how do you prevent yourself from going back into that space or feeling like you're defined by the everythingness that you hated once? Oh my god I'm so, can I just say I respect you so much? This is so cool. I'm so happy to be here truly. Like this is amazing. Thank you very much. I I have I I I I I I have I have I have I have I have I have I have I have I have I have th. I have th. I have th. I have th. I have th. I have th. I have th. I have th. I have th. I am th. I am th. I am th. I'm th. I'm th. th. that that, I'm th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. to. the. the. the. the. the. the. the scared of that. There have been a few times when I've done some some press that shall not be named where it's so bizarre because I'm like hearing the pre-roll of you know they show like the clip of me from the past or whatever and and it's so dramatic. It's like McCurdy vanished from

the spotlight after her traumatic childhood with the trauma and the devest. It's like geez can we calm down and then I'm like like like th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th the devastate. It's like, geez, can we calm down? And then I'm like walked out to this, you know, to this like cold, domineering kind of set and then there's the journalist and there's three inches of makeup on the guy's face and it's just like, you know, it does feel kind of, you know, it feels easy to lose sight to to, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, to, thi, to, to, to, and, to, to, and, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, th, to, th, th, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, th, th, th, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, and, the, and, and, and, the, the, and, the the the the the the the the the the throwne, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, the, the, the, of reality in these environments. And so I really try to keep myself grounded and stay on top of therapy and being in touch with things that really are good touchstones and grounding tools for me. Because I do not want to get lost in it. But also I will say I trust that I won't. I don't think I had the tools before to not get lost in it and to not feel sort the sort sort sort sort sort sort sort sort sort sort sort sort sort sort sort sort sort sort sort sort sort sort sort sort sort sort sort sort sort sort sort sort sort sort sort sort sort sort the world sort of of to to the world sort to to to to to to to to not to not to to not to not to not to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to their.. their their their their their their their to to their to to their the tooooes. the the the the toooooooes. to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to in the whirlwind of showbiz. But now I feel like, you know what, there are some elements that are really cool about it like this, and then there are some that aren't, and that's fine. I can use my own discernment and just be grateful for the good experiences.

Well, we're grateful for you. Thank you. Thank you so much. Thank you so much. I'm glad my mom died. It's available now, wherever you buy your books. Jeanette McCarty, everybody. Watch the Daily Show, weeknights at 11, 10 Central on Comedy Central, and stream full episodes anytime on Paramount Plus.

This has been a Comedy Central podcast.