The Daily Show: Ears Edition - Jon Stewart and Ronny Chieng Cover Trump's Felony Conviction | ICYMI

Episode Date: June 8, 2024

Jon implores the media to report on actual evidence from Trump’s trial rather than perpetuating hypotheticals about what the verdict means for America. Plus Ronny Chieng discusses Trump seeking revenge on Hillary Clinton for his guilty verdict, Marjorie Taylor Green cancelling New York, and what happened when an Amazonian tribe started using the Internet.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Hey everybody, John Stewart here. I am here to tell you about my new podcast, The Weekly Show, coming out every Thursday. We're going to be talking about the election, earnings calls. What are they talking about on these earnings calls? We're going to be talking about ingredient to bread ratio on sandwiches. I know you have a lot of options as far as podcasts go, but how many of them come out on Thursday. Listen to the weekly show with John Stewart, wherever you get your podcast. You're listening to Comedy Central. My name is John Stewart. What a fabulous program we have for the night.

Now, listen, it's been rough for me. Now that my Knicks and my Rangers are out of the playoffs, I'm ready to focus on the world. There's a lot going on. Today, Dr. Anthony Fauci testified in front of Congress today and ironically contracted rabies there. Terrible. But his testimony was obviously about whether or not the pandemic was caused by a lab leak. I guess we'll never know. Don't say it, Stuart.

Also, BB Nettinghahoo has been invited next week to come to lie to Congress. I'm sorry, um, address, address, what did I say? Come to address Congress. Come to address Congress. Address. Address time. What did I say? Come to address Congress. Through the art of lying. And Mexico has just elected its first female and its first Jewish president, so I'm very much looking forward to NPR's coverage of it, because they are always very careful

to pronounce names authentically, so I'm sure it'll be like, turning now to the newly elected Mexican president, Claudia, Shane Bowe. Shane, with the shock. But of course, the biggest story continues to be the reaction to former President Trump's trial convictions. For the left, the conviction was an to be the reaction to former President Trump's trial convictions. For the left, the conviction was an exercise in concealed and controlled glee. Many took the opportunity to over-demonstrate how they took no pleasure from this day that they had been dreaming about since childhood.

It was a somber and sad day for America that we have now seen a former president convicted on the 34 felony counts. I would hope we could all agree that this is a sad moment. The justice system had an honorable day. Our country had a sad day. And Ferris Bueller had the day off. Perhaps nothing personified the delicate high wire between glee and gravitas more than President Biden's

Sheshirecat press conference on core. Mr. President can you tell us sir Donald Trump refers to himself as a political prisoner and blames you directly? What's your response? No, don't stop! Don't! Don't stop! Why can't they tell him? Just fucking cheap walking!

Whenever he's out in public and he stops! No, Bueno! Whenever he is out in public and he stops. No, bueno. Okay go. Sir? Do you think the conviction will have an impact on the campaign? We'd love to hear you thoughts, sir. Why does everything have to be so f-fee-weaard?

Why does everything have to be so f-fee-weaird? Why? If you have something to say about it, say it? If you don't have something to say about it, say it? If you don't have something to say about it, say it. If you don't have something to say about it, don't say it. But you're just going to stop and hit him with some kind of 70s sitcom freeze frame? Mr. President, what do you think of the conviction. So, for Democrats, of course, the challenge is how do we exploit the moment politically, without, why? So, for Democrats, of course, the challenge is how do we exploit the moment politically

without giving the impression that this was the plan all of all. Republicans needed to employ a slightly different strategy. This was a sham-rigged political show trial from the very beginning. This is the most outrageous travesty I've ever seen. This was not law. This was not criminal justice. This was politics. This was a political smear job. I guess we all need what to shop at Banana Republic from now on? Because that's what it feels like. Yeah, a. After this trial we need to shop at old Navy because our country is a sinking ship it was a sham it was a sham

this trial a sham I say it was a sham I say it was a sham it was a sham a sham. A sham. This trial. A sham, I say. It was a sham. I'm shopping at Bolton Navy. The trial was a sham, yes, we impaneled grand juries and submitted evidence and cross-examined witnesses. But how was Donald Trump or his family not allowed on the jury? Outrageous! I guess in America now we need need to start chopping it, bonobos, because our country is getting fucked at both ends.

You see, if I may, bonobos are highly sexual apes. You frequently engage in activities with multiple partners. Oh, I'm going to be a big hit on primatologist Dictock. But all right. Maybe our justice system wasn't a sham, but certainly applying our justice system to Donald Trump was. This is the weaponization of the justice system against their political opponent. This is a justice system that hunts Republicans while protecting Democrats. Oh my God! The justice system hunts Republicans while protecting Democrats.

Someone should mention that to such unprotected Democrats as Senator Robert Menendez and Congressman Henry Quayar, both facing corruption charges brought by our Department of Justice. Not to mention, Hunter Biden was facing jury selection in a federal gun charges trial f-fixing today. It's probably why you noticed everyone on Fox and Friends this morning using pillows to cover their boners. It was... But now you've done it, liberals, through your sham up in his Asian, the good-hearted and good-intentioned denizens of Magitania have finally been pushed too far.

Be ready because on January 20 of next year, when he's former President Joe Biden, what's good for the goose is good for the gander. The Daily Wires Matt Walsh said Trump should, quote, make and publish a list of 10 high-ranking Democrat criminals who he will have arrested when he takes office. These Democrats will rue the day. They decided to use lawfare to stop a presidential candidate. It won't be Hunter Biden. It's going to be Joe Biden.

It could potentially still be Barack Obama. It could still potentially be Hillary Clinton. It could be Barack Obama. First of all, why is she broadcasting in front of Georgia O'Keefe's vagina? And second, perhaps it is time for those on the right to begin to examine what it might be like to investigate Hillary and William Clinton, or perhaps to do it continuously and relentlessly for the last 30 years. But to admit their own political gamesmanship,

their own attempts at weaponizing justice, their own relentless pursuit of opponents, their own dehumanizing rhetoric towards the left would be to allow a molecule of reality into the airtight distortion field that has been created to protect Magadonians from the harsh glare of actuality. It is a place where a moment such as this next one can pass without so much as a gasp of what planet do you live on?

For it is clearly not ours. You famously said, regarding Hillary Clinton, Locker up. You declined to do that as president. I didn't say Locker up, but the people don't say, Locker up, Locker up. What the fuck? You never said Lockhart, I think I remember you saying it to her face at a debate? It's just awfully good. I think I remember you saying it to her face at a debate. It's just awfully good that someone with the temperament of Donald Trump is not

in charge of the temperament of Donald Trump is not in charge of the law in our country. Because you'd be in jail. To be fair, I apologize. You did not say the words, lock her up. You only used a phrase synonymous with locking her up. Lock her up. Again, apologies. You didn't say lock her up.

You merely gave the thumbs up to thousands of others chanting lock her up. But that doesn't mean he literally said lock her up. Although, to be fair, he literally said lock her up all the fucking time. So crooked Hillary, you should lock her up I'll tell you. For what she's done they should lock her up. Lock her up is right. Lock up the buttons. Lock up Hillary. And he said it a million times. And then the, the, the, I, and the Fox and Friends B team is just fucking sitting there. Tanned and fit and healthy and so f-cicable.

How did they get so... It's a good-looking bunch. But there's three of them. One of them didn't remember, he said, lock them up. I can believe two of them didn't remember, three of them. And that, ladies and gentlemen, I present to you is why we need courts. Whatever flaws the American justice system has, and they are legion, especially for non-billionaire former presidents.

It does appear to be the last place in America where you can't just say whatever the fuck you want, regardless of reality. Trump knows this better than anyone. Now, I would have testified. I wanted to testify. The theory is you never testify, because as soon as you testify, anybody. If it were George Washington, don't testify,

because they'll get you on something that you said slightly wrong, and then they sue you for perjury. You would have said something out of whack, like it was a beautiful sunny day and it was actually raining out. Yes, our jails in America are filled with incompetent weathermen. I'm telling you, officer, I thought there would be thunder snow. I'm, I'm, I, I I, 20% is still a chance. Don't take me away. This is why the law and order right

hates court procedures when applied to them. Courts are the last remaining guardrail that has a standard of evidentiary presentation. It is the last place where you have to prove what you say and you see the difference in what they say out of court versus what they say in court. Here is Trump on the 2020 election out of court. This is a fraud on the American public. We know there was massive fraud. It was a rigged election, 100 percent. Here are his lawyers in court.

This is not a fraud case. We are not alleging fraud in this lawsuit. We're not alleging to anyone stealing the election. Here is Rudy Giuliani pleading before the court of seasonal landscapers. What happened there? It's a mix-up. He's pleading, but not in the actual court. There. There's a mix-up. He's pleading, but not in the actual court.

It's a fraud, an absolute fraud. And what does Giuliani say about that in court? If we had a leg fraud, yes, but this is not a fraud case. It's not a fraud case. In court, where I would need evidence. It's only a fraud case out there amongst the sod and the mulch. Where I can say whatever I want.

Fox News says that Dominion voting machines rigged the election for Biden out of court. They were flipping votes in the computer system or adding votes that did not exist. The whole situation was carefully calculated and created to steal the election from President Trump. Did you notice as the fraud trial went on, Sidney Powell turned into Michael Jackson? Is that? That happened? Appalachian. You probably ended that segment with, woo-hoo!

But that's where you can say out of court. But in court, Fox was forced to pay $787 million for false statements. The difference between in court and out of court is that in court, someone can say, prove it. And the problem is that most of the time in this country, our political leaders are not in court. They are here, on TV, where the news media has decided that there's really no such thing as reality. We now live in two utterly different universes.

These two Americas are living in two different realities. We're living in two different realities. Americans are living in two very different realities. most part, two very different realities right now. No, you're thinking of the multiverse. We are all living in one reality, and it can be the news media's job to litigate the parameters of said reality. What the courts do really well is look backwards and reconstruct the realities of what happened. The news media could do the same, but what they do instead is look forward and wildly speculate on the future. If Donald Trump is the nominee and if he is convicted

of a crime, could you support him? If he's a convicted felon, if he is the nominee and if he is convicted of a crime, could you support him? If he's a convicted felon, if he is the Republican nominee, does that mean you're still going to vote for him? It could be convicted before November. Would you still support him then? Will you commit to certifying the 2024 election results no matter what, Senator? Will you commit to the 20240? the elections, and overlores. of 2024 no matter what happened, Senator. No matter what, Senator.

Voting regularities and overlords. Voting machines that suddenly transform into fighting robots. Voting booth powers activate. Will you still certify? Who fucking cares? No one knows what the future holds. Ask this person what it was about the 2020 election that they found objectionable and then litigate the realities of their objections to them in front of them.... the the their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their oforsorsorsorsorsorsors, ofors, ofolets, ofolts, toolets, to to to to to to vote over over over over over over over over over over over over over over overvolts, tovoltsvoltsholtsholetsetsetsets, tovolots, tovolots, tovolots, tovolots, tovolots, toolots, toolots, toolots, toolots, toolets, toolets, toolets, toldldldldldldldldldldlots of their their it was about the 2020 election that they found objectionable and

then litigate the realities of their objections to them in front of them. So when they say to you, I never said Locker Up, you can say, I object. Feeking do that! What is wrong with you? What is wrong with you? And you know what? I gotta... Here's the deal. You really want to ask speculative questions that nobody can answer.

We'll just create a show just for that. We'll tighten it down to a half hour and call it, no one fucking knows. And you put all the pukes. We'll just the show just for that. We'll tighten it down to a half hour and call it, no one fucking knows. And you put all the polls and the horse race questions in there. And then with the other 23 and a half hours in the day, the other seven days a week,

you can present the evidence for our shared experience. Because court should be the option of last resort for our defined reality. Not the only option for our defined reality. So listen up, media, we'll give you a little gavel. You can study all the evidence no matter how tedious and reach a conclusion. And then you can present those conclusions, and the audience, us, will be the ones doing like jury duty. the audience, will be avoid having to do jury duty. I think I'm seeing the flaw in my argument. Either way it's better than what we have now. The election, economics, ingredient to bread ratio, on sandwiches.

Listen to the weekly show with John Stewart, wherever you get your podcast. Let's kick things off with the only presidential candidate with an ankle monitor, Donald Trump. Last week, the corrupt and woke DEI justice system found him guilty of 34 felonies. And now he's saying, if he gets backs into power, he's going to get his revenge on the people who had nothing to do with it. Donald Trump is again suggesting his political opponents could be jailed if he wins re-election, including former Secretary of State Hillary Clinton. Does that mean the next president does it to them?

That's really the question. Wouldn't it be terrible to throw the president's wife and the former secretary's state into jail? It's very possible that it's gonna have to happen to them. You're gonna jail Hillary Clinton? Haven't you done enough to this woman? Yo, if you're gonna get revenge, at least get it on the people who did the thing to you.

This is like the Russian mob killing John Wick's dog, and John Wick is like, you know who's going to pay for this? Hillary Clinton. I mean, can Donald Trump get some new beefs already? You don't see Britney spares still getting to fights with Christina Leraera, do you? No. Brittany's at home, dancing with knives, like a normal person. But Trump isn't in this fight alone, okay? He's got a whole crew of brain-damaged friends standing up for him, like Marjorie Taylor Green, who's so mad at what the courts did

that she wants to defund New York. Screw New York. New York doesn't deserve a damn. We shouldn't fund them one single dime, not a dime. They don't deserve a penny from the federal government. Wow. Take it easy on New York. Marjorie, you remember that space laser that you're worried about? The people who run it live here, okay?

It's kind of sad to watch a person slam New York when they clearly would make an amazing New Yorker, okay? And... M.T.G's whole speech is going to be repeated word for word by a homeless guy on the sea train at 3 a.m. tonight. But, let's talk about a different Trump ally who's saying unhinged things. Right now, his name is Byron Donald's. And if you didn't know him before, well, he's a cool guy with smart opinions. Republican Congressman Byron Donald, widely considered a potential VP pick for Donald Trump, is facing backlash from Democrats today, after saying that black families were stronger

during Jim Crow, before they were influenced by Democratic policies. During Jim Crow, the back family was together. That's right. During Jim Crow, more black people voted conservatively. Why are all Trump's potential VP picks insane? I never thought I'd say this, but this might be a good time to take a second look at the dog murderer, okay? And I know what you're thinking. How could a congressman think the Jim Corr era was going might be a good time to take a second look at the dog murderer. Okay? And I know what you're thinking how could a congressman think the Jim Corr era was good for black families but to be fair he's a congressman

from Florida and that's literally the title of the US history textbooks okay so let's move on to some cultural news because it's not just congressmen who have crazy opinions, it's also everyone. And now to a grocery cart controversy gaining a lot of traction online. A video posted by a woman who unapologetically says she never returns her shopping cart. I'm not returning my shopping cart. And you can judge me all you want. California mom, Leslie Dobson says she's afraid her children will be abducted while she's busy returning her cart.

I'm not getting my groceries into my car, getting my children into the car, and then leaving them in the car to go return the cart. So if you're going to give me a dirty look, fuck off. What mean, fuck off. I didn't even want your kids, but now I feel like I gotta take them because you're talking so much shit. Look, lady, if, yeah, look, lady, if you want to be lazy and not return your shopping car, you don't have to use your kids as an excuse, okay?

Just say you don't know what, six feet. This is America. Nobody's that worried about your kids getting abducted, just their their their. to to to to to to to to their. to to to to their. to toome. toome. toome. to toome. to just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just to to to toen. toen. to to to to to to to to to to to to to say to say tooomk. tooomk. tooomk. tooomk. their tooomk. their their their their their their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their their their their the the the the the. thea. the thea. toea. toea. toea. the toea.ladyea. thea. thea. thea. walks six feet. Okay? And if you're really that worried about your kids getting abducted, just take them with you to return the cart or leave them in the car and lock the door. Just bip, bip, bip there, your kids are safe. If you want to be extra sure, just give them bad hair cuts, okay? Nobody wants your weird-looking kids. And by the way, who are these these these these these these thiiiiiiiiiiiiiks, who are these kids that are so abductable that you can't walk 10 steps without every predator in America descending upon them?

If it's that easy to abduct kids in a parking lot, then what's a big deal? Okay, if your kids get stolen, just take the ones from the car next door, okay? This is a problem's off. But let's move on to some international news, okay? Because there are places deep in the Amazon jungle, where primitive trives, trives, trives, thiiiiiii, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, thi, thi, thi, thi. And, thi. And, thi. And, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi. And, thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thithe Amazon jungle where primitive tribes are untouched by the modern world. But luckily, Elon Musk is taking care of that. A reclusive tribe in the Amazon finally got connected to the internet to the internet, the tribe got internet service. A young man have been sharing porn videos on group chats, while others have phoned victim to internet scams. Nine months ago, their tribe tling service. But young men have been sharing porn videos on group chats

while others have fallen victim to internet scams. People hunched over on their phones, typing away, sending voice notes, watching video clips. I saw two very young boys just, you know, swiping through video after video of Neymar Jr. Okay, haters. I think this is great. Okay, the internet opens up all of human knowledge to these people.

They go online and they were like, wow, there's so much going on in the world. Do you see this lady of the shopping car? She doesn't want to walk six feet, okay? Let's go get her kids. By the way, I'm so happy that people in the middle of the Amazon get better internet than I get with Spectrum. But of course there's one thing they discovered right away. Porn. That's right. An untouched Amazon civilization is now touching itself. Or more on this remote tribe getting internet access. We go live to the Amazon Rainforest with Troy Iwada. All right, Troy. Troy, Troy. Hey, what's the situation over there?

I'm sorry, I couldn't hear you over the sound of all the dengue fever. Why do you keep sending me to these places? You told me I was going to Amazon. This is a rain forest. How am I supposed to return this slapchot? I checked this at the gate, Ronnie. Okay, Troy, can you just shut up for a second? Okay. How has the internet impacted this remote tribe? It's an absolute tragedy. This was once a wonderful people with proud customs and traditions. Now everyone is glued to their phones. They're falling for scams,

the men have stopped hunting wild boars and are just hunting milfs and... You can't feed your family with milk meat, okay? It's too stringy. So we have to take the internet away. I mean, can you imagine living in a society obsessed with their phones like this? Uh, yeah, that's, that's our society. So what, you're saying we should take the internet away from ourselves? Fee-fee you, Ronnie, I'll kill you. Sorry, sorry, sorry, that's, it's the dengue.

Um, it's just that I, we, we need the internet. Okay, where else can I get a slapchop same day? A store? No. It's too late for us, Ronnie. We have no culture left to save. All we do is trade crypto and use chat GBT to write our birthday cards, you know? I love you, grandma. How does it do that?

As humanity, we need one place untouched by the internet besides every single god-dam elevator. This tribe is pure and OG human. We have to protect them because they'll be the ones repopulating the world when the rest of us go to nuclear war over some bitches shopping cart. Okay. Yeah, but there are sudden declines should be a lesson to all of us, right? That the internet can tend can takes takes takes takes, to to to to to to to to to to the internet can try, to the internet can to to to the internet can to to the internet, to to the internet, to the internet, the internet, the internet, the internet, to the internet, the internet, the internet, the internet, the internet, the internet, the internet, the internet, the internet, the internet, the internet, the internet, be the internet, the internet, the internet, the internet, the internet, the internet, the internet, the internet, the internet, the internet, the internet, the internet, the internet, the internet, to to the internet, to to to to to to to to to to to to to tou-tou-tou-tou-tou-up to to to to to to to to to the internet, the internet, to-unit-cutu-unit-unit-up. the internet, the internet, the internet, the internet, the internet, the internet, the internet go to nuclear war over some bitch shopping cart. Okay. Yeah, but there are sudden declines should be a lesson to all of us, right? That the internet can take something pure and immediately corrupted. I mean, maybe this tribe is a mirror of our own society and maybe we should all unplug for the good of humanity. Okay, you first. You give up the internet. No, the internet. Not a fuck you, tru- I'll kill you. All right, sorry, sorry, I just hit a million followers on the

lot. Half of those are, you know. I rest my case. We're a lost cause, so I'm going to get the hell out of the Amazon before we ruin these people too. I just ordered an Uber. It's five weeks away. the Uber wait for the Uber Troy water everybody explore more shows from the Daily

Show podcast universe by searching the Daily Show wherever you get your podcasts watch the Daily Show weeknights at 11 10 Central on Comedy Central and stream full episodes anytime on Fairmount plus This has been a Comedy Central podcast. John Stewart here. Unbelievably exciting news. My new podcast, The Weekly Show. We're going to be talking about the election, economics, ingredient to bread ratio, on sandwiches.

Listen to the weekly show with John Stewart, wherever you get your podcast.