The Daily Show: Ears Edition - Jon Stewart, Desi Lydic, and Ronny Chieng Cover Crime in Big Cities and Down Ballot Races | ICYMI

Episode Date: June 22, 2024

Jon Stewart dives into the GOP's criminalization of Democratic-run cities, which is ironic given that most guns come from red states. Also, Desi Lydic and Ronny Chieng cover the Celtics' historic 18th NBA Championship win and the campaigns of rage-baiting candidates, Royce White and Valentina Gomez.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

The candidates for November are set. I know Donald Trump's tight. Between now and Election Day. We are not going back. A campaign season unfolding faster. Kamila Harris is not getting a promotion. Then any in recent history. Make America great again.

Follow it all with new episodes every weekday on the NPR politics podcast. You're listening to Comedy Central. My name is John Stewart. We have an unbelievable show for you tonight. Next week, obviously, we're going to have the big debate show. But tonight, we're going to get a quick state of play on this incredibly consequential presidential election. I guess the election has basically boiled down to each candidate accusing the other of having soup, where there should be brain. There is plenty of fodder for the attacks, for instance, for President Biden. It is his habit of seemingly staring at what can only be considered ghosts or out-of-frame paratroopers and then when he's pulled back into frame, somehow giving the impression someone has just quantum leaped

into his body. Is that, no, don't it's Trump tripping over his own dick anytime he tries to capitalize on Biden's age. Like this weekend, Trump appeared at the herbal life of political conventions, Turning Point USA, where Trump articulated his case for having best, brainful neurons smart. Joe Biden has no plan. He's got absolutely no plan. He doesn't even know what the word inflation means. Oh, you didn't! No! Oh, Joe Biden so dumb. He thinks inflation is arising. Oh, Joe Biden so dumb.

He thinks inflation is a rise in the overall price level for goods and services in the economy as measured by the consumer price index over time. Oh shit! Oh, that... No, that... No, it turns out that is what it is. I'm being told that is what inflation is. But still, you tell him, Donatee, the case he's making to the American public is that he's

the sharpest tool in the shed. See if you can find the flaw in his logic. Just one sentence later. I don't think if you gave him a quiz, I think he should take a cognitive test like I did. I took a cognitive test and I aced. Doc Ronnie Johnson. Does everyone know Ronnie Johnson, congressman from Texas? Ronnie Johnson! Acing that cognitive test is a great point. If only his doctor was actually named Ronnie

Johnson and not actually named Ronnie Jackson. He got the guy's name wrong on his cognitive test. I don't even know what to say. Well, here's the problem. This acting is under Maga law. His name is now Ronnie Johnson. This is the way. Those are what the only comments Trump seems to have spit the bid on. Just weeks before he heads to the Republican National Convention in Milwaukee, he called Milwaukee a horrible city forcing liberals around the country to defend Milwaukee. A city they then had to pretend to have been to. A city they then had to pretend to have been to.

Oh, Milwaukee's the finest city in Iroa. A city they then had to pretend to have been to. Oh, Milwaukee's the finest city in, I want to say, Indiana. But don't worry, because Donald Trump cleared the whole thing up. Well, I think it was very clear what I meant. I said we're very concerned with crime. I love Milwaukee. I have great friends in Milwaukee, but it's, as you know, the crime numbers are terrible and we have to be very careful. Yes. Lots of criminals in Milwaukee. Are you talking about now, sir, or when you and your

felonious friends come to town. And the script it just says, John turns and makes dumb face. That's what I did. It made a dumb face. Anyway, it's a good save by former President Trump. The city's great. He loves Milwaukee. It's the dang Democrat-encouraged crime. It's one of the rights-favorate talking points, not just from Milwaukee, but for all Democratic-run cities. That those cities are crime-infested shitholes,

where life is miserable and everyone hates everybody. But people who live in these cities know that this rhetoric is only kind of true. Now, and when people who don't live in these cities say it, it's very annoying. By the way, it does turn out the crime is actually down. The FBI reporting the nation's violent crime rate has dropped dramatically this year. Overall violent crime down 15% from last year. Murders down 26%.

By every national metric, crime is down. Solid trend. Crime is down. Solid trend. Crime is down. It's all a misunderstanding. But now that the FBI numbers are out, I'm sure that the right-wing media will adjust accordingly. Quality of life is not captured in any of the FBI numbers.

And if you live in a blue city, walk outside and use your eyes. You should use your eyes. Do you even see over your shoulder they were doing double donuts in a parking lot? That's like the Cirque de Solay of automobiles. That's that crime. That's art. Oh, but I'm sorry. You were downplaying the crime statistics. Now they say there's no crime wave. But do you feel safe? It doesn't feel that way.

It certainly doesn't feel that way for the average American today. Democrats will say, well, but crime is down. It's not how people feel. Yeah, as the Wright always famously says, feelings don't care about your facts. Fck your facts. Isn't that the slogan on the right? Now, you know, very interesting. It does bring up a good point, though. If crime is down so much, why do people, especially on the right, is, hmm, I hadn't really calculated slope in a while, but it seems

like the x-axis is moving into the nodes blades while the y-axis is being tied down and sodomized. I'm sure that... sure that's just a one-off and not your network's entire programming. Another day, another stream of brazen, violent crimes. The havoc being wreaked upon America. Undoubtedly coming to a town or city near you. Bladen and outrageous crimes occurring on a daily basis, coast to coast. You're seeing that in Chicago, in New York. You know, these Democrat-run cities.

There's so much crime in the city. I can't comprehend how people live there. New York is now this dystopian hellhole of crime and violence. Is now a dystopian hell? You're just figuring that out now, you big puss? Oh, I'm sorry, is Times Square Elmo too scary for you? Because Times Square Elmo, he comes at you? Are you scared of Times Square Elmo

because he punches back? Unlike all the other Elmo's who let you tickle them with no consequences? Yeah, New York's a dystopian hellhole. That and the bagels and pizza is why we move here. But of course, of course, there is one particular type of crime that conservatives seem especially scared about. Mark, why do I keep seeing people pushing other people onto the train tracks?

Not that. That's not a crime. That's, okay, I get that. So, the pushing onto the train tracks? Not that. That's just a crime. That's, that's, okay. I get that. So, the pushing out of the the the tra tr tr train train train train train th th th th th th th th. That. That's. That's, th. That's, th. That's, th. That's, th. That's, th. That's, th. That's, th. That's, th. th. That's, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the th. th. th. th. th. th. the the the the th. the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. th. th. the, the, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to,. I get that. So the pushing under the train tracks, that's just a misunderstanding. Here's what's happening. So we do have people in the subways who are there to try to help other passengers onto the train. But sometimes the train isn't there yet. It's not malevolent. It's just early. But I was actually talking about another type of crime. People are getting shot in the face every single day. You can literally get shot anywhere in the city. We have people getting shot in the subway. People are getting shot in the face every single day. You can literally get shot anywhere in the city.

We have people getting shot in the subway. People are getting shot out on the street. You're out for a loaf of bread, you end up getting shot. Yeah, you did shot. New Yorkers haven't had a sandwich in 12 years. Just an egg palm, loosen the hands! First of all, I'm surprised Trump is scared of guns at all, considering he thinks they sound like this. We had our beautiful marine standing there,

bing, bing, bing, bing, bing. You know, in the old days, bing, bing, bong. Bing, bing. I would pay good money to hear Trump describe the opening scene of saving Private Ryan. Big, Bing, Bing, and then the Nazis are bang, bang, bang, bong, nobody can get bread. Bong, bang, bong, bong, nobody can get bread. Bang, bang, bang, you will be shot dead. To all of our audience members, I'm glad you chose to have your last moments with us.

Sadly, I'm glad you chose to have your last moments with us. Sadly, I'm not. Sadly, I'm not. Sadly. Sadly, I must bid you a melancholy, a big bomb. Bing, Bing, Bing, bean. Now, all of this, by the way, is not to say that gun crime does not exist. Of course it does. And some cities are worse than others, but here's the thing. And I say this with all due respect. The balls of these right-wing mother-fickers, talking about how

there's too much gun crime and chaos in our Democratic cities, when Republicans are the ones who've enabled the flood of illegal weaponry into our cities in the first place. That's right. So don't get your little panties in a bunch. There's something you want to know. 93% of the illegal guns used in crimes in New York City aren't from here.

They, like theater majors, have come here to make a name for themselves. The guns come from states like Florida and Georgia and South Carolina, where the gun laws are lax. And trust me, Florida's not sending us their best guns. They're bringing guns for drugs and crime and rapists. And some of their not sending us their best guns. They're bringing guns for drugs and crime and rapists, and some I assume are good guns. And try as we might to put up some border controls to stem this invasion, this flood of

literally undocumented weapons, Republicans fight every attempt to bring some kind of order and even pass laws to increase the chaos. Look at all the laws and things that they've done. In 2005, they passed a law that effectively protects gun dealers and the gun manufacturers from being out liable for where their guns end up. They also try and make sure that the terrorists and felons can still get guns. And just recently they made sure thatthat they can turn those guns into machine guns with bump stocks. They make it impossible to study the effects of guns. They make it impossible to track the illegal guns.

They fight fucking everything. You want to know how cynical it is? Remember this guy? This guy? Congressman Andrew Clyde from Georgia. He loves to go on TV and talk about crime in the. Republicans have always been the party of law and order and what you have seen is the massive increases in crime have been primarily at Democrat-run cities. Yeah, it turns out while he was complaining about the uptick in gun crimes in New York City.

He himself was fighting added scrutiny on gun stores. Like the two that he owns that have been implicated in over 25 gun crimes since 2020. Why would they do this? There must be a reason, right? Because the right always tells us there's no coincidences. Isn't that what we're told all the time? It's almost as though Republicans must have a secret plan for this funded by their billionaires to flood our cities with illegal undocumented guns, pouring them over our state borders in the hopes of

killing off reliable Democratic voters. The great displacement theory. That is obviously what's happening and no honest person would think otherwise. So there's only one real no honest person would think otherwise. So there's only one real solution. Unfortunately, for the borders of Florida, Georgia, and South Carolina, we have to, what's the word? the word? their call.

Bingo. Bing. Bingo! The candidates for November are set. I know Donald Trump's type. Between now and Election Day. We are not going back. A campaign season unfolding faster.

Kamela Harris is not getting a promotion than any in recent history. Make America great again. Follow it all with new episodes every weekday on the NPR Politics podcast. Let's kick things off with some big sports news. Last night the Boston Celtics won the NBA Championship. That's right. Yeah. All right. Now they have a record number of championships. 18, which is one more than the Lakers and somehow 25 more than the Clippers.

And now they're ready to celebrate with the city of Boston. But first, they're going somewhere fun. According to the Boston Globe, before the Celtics return to Boston, they will first spend a few days celebrating their win in Miami. They plan to return to Boston on Friday. Of course the Celtics are going to celebrate Miami. I mean, you've got to go to where the butts are. And Boston doesn't have any good butts, even though they have a ton of assholes. I mean, how do people in Boston celebrate anything? Come on, let's party with Klam Chowder at Matt Warburg House.

Ronnie, you know what would be so funny as if you did that joke with a Boston accent. But let's move on to the election. We've been talking a lot about President Biden and Donald Trump, but the president isn't the only elected official who can ruin your life. There are hundreds of people all over the country who are coming for you. So let's take a look at some of these promising young stars in a special edition of Indecision 2024, going down on the ballot.

Let's kick things off in Minnesota, where Republicans have endorsed Royce White to run against Democratic Senator Amy Cloverchai in November and he's already turning the race into an episode of Jerry Springer. White has been mired in controversial revelations including failure to pay child support, referring to women as malthy and at one time identifying himself as an anti-Semite on social media. And then there are the questionable campaign expenditures in 2022 when he ran for Congress, including $1,200 at a Florida strip club. I'm not paying child support to Malvey women because I'm spending it at a strip club?

I mean, talk about red flag bingo. He even calls himself an anti-semite on social media. Although, to be fair to him, declaring you an anti-semite is how you have to log into Twitter now. That's the new capture. By the way, by the way, if you're wondering about the accusation that Roy spent campaign funds at a strip club, listen, he has a very clear explanation for this.

It was recently revealed you spent campaign donations at a strip club. Is that true? That's not true. Okay. It was a reference to a campaign filing at the FEC that was not done properly. Your claim is there were filings which said you spent campaign funds at a strip club, but they were incorrect filing. No, they didn't say that I spent the funds at a strip club. Or no, let's say, they didn't say that I spent the funds on strippers.

But it was spent at a strip club? Well, a strip club has, they sell food at the strip club. Don't say? strip club as they sell food at the strip club, don't they? So, uh, I'm not sure this helps his case. Uh, Minnesota needs a senator who makes good decisions. So vote for me, the guy who goes to a strip club to eat shrimp. And look, hey, I'm sorry for interrupting him, okay? I mean, you are busy explaining how you don't know anything about strip clubs? You've spent the money on food at a strip club.

Is that more accurate? You seem to be very unfamiliar with strippers and strip clubs and drag strip shows, so I'll inform you, maybe you aren't informed, that they do have food. their clups. So what you're saying is the ever been to a strip club? One time. Did you like the food? No. You gotta go to a better strip club, but okay.

Wow. This guy went really quick from not knowing anything about strip clubs to being a strip club expert. Right? I don't know about that place. But go to the champagne room and behind that is the real VIP room, code 2664, tell them you want the Royce White special to know what you mean. Look, I, I, I don't understand why this guy is trying really hard not to violate campaign finance law, but also wants to be very clear that he knows his way around street clubs. Right, which is fine, no judgment.

Just say you use the wrong credit card. It wouldn't be the worst accidental insertion in a strip club. This guy's got way more problems than that. Look, and I don't want to sound mouthy, but... Enough is enough. Someone needs to call this guy out for his offensive wine hat. Okay? Unacceptable. That is for white women only. My culture is not your costume, asshole.

Let's move on to a race in Missouri. Let's move on to a race in Missouri, where a candidate for local office is getting the word out for the best way that young people know how, by shit posting. Valentina Gomez, a Missouri Republican running for Secretary of State has triggered liberals with her campaign videos like this one. In a murder, you can be anything you want. Don't be wicked gay. Brittany Griner should be running in a Russian prison, not going to the Olympics.

Kittling Clark is the only reason why we even watch women's basketball. She deserves to go to the Olympics, unlike this patriotic lesbian. I love that she's super into women's basketball, but she's angry that there's a lesbian in the WNBA. Is someone going to tell her? She's not just planning to get gays out of women's sports. She's also deeply committed to getting them out of your library books. This is what I will do to the government books when I become Secretary of State.

Let's go. Welcome to the growing books when I become Secretary of State. Let's go. This books will come on Missouri Public Library. When I'm in office, they will burn. Jesus, a flame thrower? Take it easy. This is a book burning, not a gender reveal party. And what's wrong with a match? Was she worried that if she got too close, the books would turn her gay? Just to remind you, she books would turn her gay?

Just to remind you, she's running for Missouri Secretary of State. Typically not a job where you choose who goes to the Olympics or set fire to anything. But enough of these mean-law human clip-baked candidates. Okay, whatever happened to people with substantive, common-sense, legislative ideas, like congressional candidate from Florida, James Judge. Wow, put forth legislation on President Trump's first day in office to suspend the writ of habeas corpus.

This will give President Trump the authority to arrest and imprison the treasonous officials and subverses. Wow, pretty casual call for the end of democracy there. You can't demand a suspension of due process in the same tone of voice you used to announce to announce to announce, to announce, to announce, to announce, to announce, to announce, to announce, to announce, to announce, to announce, to to to to to to to to to to to too, too, too, too, too, too, too, too, the too, too, too, to, to, to, to, their, to, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, theirn, theirn, their their tho, thoomea, thoomorrow, tooomorrow, tooomorrow, thoomorrow, tooomorrow, thoomorrow, theirf.a, theirfe, of due process in the same tone of voice you used to announce that someone's Toyota has the lights on in the park lot. I mean, this, honestly, it kind of makes you appreciate Trump even more. Because at least he's got some showmanship. I mean, he's out there shouting on a big stage, he's waving his hands around like an alpha chimpanzee. It gets you riled up. You know, this guy looked like he interrupted a wedding reception. Someone's going to come up after him like,

OK, thanks for that, James. If we could keep the speeches about bread and Mary, that would be great. For more on these down ballot races and what they say about the state of American democracy, we go live to Josh Johnson. Josh Johnson. Josh, why are there so many out there candidates in this election cycle? Oh, I'll tell you why. We made our democracy too democratic. All right?

Anyone thinks they can run for office just because the Constitution says so? Uh, Josh, but the Constitution does say so. Come on. The founding father said that, but they didn't mean it. You know, they were talking about guys named George or Tom. Not everybody. Not like either of you, you know, and definitely not me. Ooh, they'd be mad.

Wait, Josh. So you think we should prevent people from running for office? Yeah, it sounds like you're saying that we need less democracy. No, I'm not saying that. I'm saying we should bring back all the old offices that America used to have for these people, like village idiot. If you fight a book with a flame thrower, you are qualified for that office. Books are an idiot's natural enemy, and idiots thia, all all all all all all all all all all thiiii qualified for that office. Books are an idiot's natural enemy and idiots

love fire. There's plenty of old jobs like lighthouse keeper or snake oil salesmen or the guy who screams here ye hear ye. Or the dude at a saloon who spits in a bucket and makes that patooy sound. Uh, Josh, I think that's only in westerns. Yeah, there's no way that you can find an office for every one of these people. Watch me. Like remember that strip club guy, Royce White, he could be the town adulteress. You know the person who wears an A on their clothes, everybody knew they like to f-feehawks. Royce White is super qualified.

My man is clearly spending campaign funds at the strip club. He took the most boring money in the economy and used it for over the pants stuff. Point is, we'll find jobs for the crazy people. Then the serious jobs can go to the serious politicians. And how are we defining who's crazy and who's serious? Oh, that's easy. The crazy politicians will be ranting about space lasers, and the serious politicians will be on the Epstein list.

All right. Okay, it makes sense to me. Josh Johnson, everyone. Explore more shows from the Daily Show podcast universe by searching the Daily Show, wherever you get your podcasts. Watch the Daily Show weeknights at 11, 10 Central on Comedy Central, and stream full episodes anytime on Paramount Plus. The candidates for November are set. The candidates for November are set.

I know Donald Trump's type. Between now and Election Day. We are not going back. A campaign season unfolding faster. Comilla Harris is not getting a promotion. Then any in recent history. Make America great again. Follow it all with new episodes every week day on the NPR recent history. Make America great again.

Follow it all with new episodes every weekday on the NPR Politics podcast.