The Daily Show: Ears Edition - Jon Stewart Gives Sen. Menendez a Lesson in Legal Corruption | Ilana Glazer

Episode Date: May 14, 2024

Jon Stewart digs into the trial of comically corrupt Senator Robert Menendez of New Jersey, and in a new segment called "How Dumb Is You?" asks the senator how he got caught engaging in such obvious illegal corruption, while government officials like Nancy Pelosi, Richard Burr, and Roy Blunt have been getting away with legal corruption for years. And "Babes" actor and writer, Ilana Glazer, discusses how her new film provides a much-needed and accurate portrayal of pregnancy and motherhood. They talk about her bond with co-star Michelle Buteau, the struggle to get the film made, and how she spent Mother's Day as a new mom herself.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

John Stewart here, unbelievably exciting news. My new podcast, The Weekly Show, we're gonna be talking about the election, economics, ingredient to bread ratio on sandwiches. Listen to the weekly show with John Stewart, wherever you get your podcast. You're listening to Comedy Central. From the most trusted journalists at Comedy Center, it's America's only source for news. This is the Daily Show program for you tonight. Oh! Hey! Welcome to the Daily Show.

My name is John Stewart. We have a terrific program for you tonight. I was, I hosted on Thursday. And I'm back on Monday. I just don't know how much longer. I was, I was, I hosted on Thursday and I'm back on Monday. I just don't know how much longer I can do that. Barely any rest, just slept in the hyperbarec chamber all weekend. Gonna be talking to one of my favorites tonight. Alana Glazer is gonna John at us. He's the best. The first, we're getting into the news.

As you know, the fascinating penis-themed trial of Professor Donald Bartholomey Trump continued today. What you might not know is that it is not the only salacious high-level government official trial going on today because right across the street in New York's famed public corruption district. New Jersey Democratic Senator Robert Menendez. My God, Menendez turned heel. They're not booing there. Well, they were booing. Yes, that's he faced his first day of reckoning. Federal prosecutors alleged the former chair of the powerful Senate Foreign Relations

Committee conspired with his wife Nadine to accept bribes from a trio of wealthy businessmen in exchange for political favors to help the governments of Qatar and Egypt. The powerful senator allegedly pressured the Department of Agriculture to help an associate maintain a monopoly on the importation of halal meat to the United States. I don't mean to get sentimental here. But in what other country in the world can a Cuban-American senator work hand in hand with an Egyptian-born businessman to corner the Halal meat market? Living in America. But yes, Senator Menendez is accused of using his acts as an influence as a senator to illegally

help a variety of shady governments and clients. But what evidence do we really have? Federal agents search the Menendez home in June 2022, finding over $480,000 in cash. Two bags filled with $100,000 each. $100,000 worth of gold bars. Payments toward a mortgage. The Mercedes-Benz convertible. Furniture, exercise equipment, even an air purifier.

Four boots stuffed with cash. Cash even found in the lining of a congressional jacket which oddly enough is reversible. But the money is in his house and his jacket and his boots and his lining and his pockets, but none of it ties the money to Menendez or Egypt. The indictment says upon returning from one trip to Egypt, Menendez performed a web search for how much is one kilo of gold worth. Damn you, metric system! I would have gotten away with it too if you weren't for your meddling kids and your base 10 system of measurements and weights!

There could be a lot of reasonable, me explanations for why a senator's house would be stuffed with cash and gold bars. Home heating insulation perhaps or something stupider? According to the New York Times, his lawyers now offering a new explanation as to why he had thousands of dollars in gold and in cash in his home. They say that the habit is rooted in traumatic family history. These are simply my emotional support gold balls.

Whenever I am, whenever I am not with them I get anxious. People respond to trauma in different ways. Now, when it comes to any trial, the first step, of course, and we've seen this play out endless times, finding an impartial jury. Defense attorneys have proposed asking prospective jurors if they have opinions about people from New Jersey. And do they think that because they are from New Jersey, that they're more likely to break the law? You mother-fix. You bury one union leader at your football stadium, whilst running a human organ trafficking ring through some Sikakis rabbis, and suddenly your whole state is a suspect.

You believe this, Ton? You believe this? Anti-New Jersey discrimination. That's what it is. So obviously this is shaping up to be one of the more cartoonishly blatant corruption cases in some time. Jersey guy with gold bars stuffed in his jacket and a nice freezer of some halal meats. Anything else that might speak to the general character of this United States senator?

Menendez has denied any wrongdoing. According to court filings, his lawyers indicate he may try to blame his wife. Yes, it's those three magic words that every woman is dying to hear. It was her! She did it! You know, I'd feel a lot worse for her if she wasn't all so demonstrably a terrible person. But, perhaps, read up on it. Perhaps, I can't explain everything right now. I'll just say this. Feeh-feehawful. But perhaps the dumbest thing about this entire, not quite believable real housewives episode

is how unnecessary it all is. You sir are an elected official in America's most respected legislative body. It's like a license to print money. You don't need to break the law so cartoonishly when the legal corruption in the Senate is so fucking lucrative. Which brings us to our new segment, Senator Robert Menendez. How dumb is you? As a New Jersey resident, as a constituent of yours, Senator Menendez, I have to ask with all due respect, how fucking dumb is you? Promising favors to foreign entities for a little chump change on the side,

it's Bush League, when as a US, you can enrich yourself in so many different, let's call them legal ways. For instance, the stock market. Members of Congress's stock portfolios consistently beat the S&P 500. The average hedge fund was beating the market at 7%. The study found that the average U.S. Senator was beating the market at 7%, the study found that the average US senator was beating the stock market by 12%. The average US senator and if you think it's because the average US senator is just so smart, this is the average US

senator. Tommy Tumperville, an ex-football coach who doesn't know the three branches of government. Oh, but when it comes to the stock market, he sees the matrix. How do they do it? Well, the secret is a shrewd understanding of the intricate, interconnectivity of global markets. I'm kidding. They have inside information. California, Congressman, Democrat, the name named Alan Lowenthal, his wife sold chairs of Boeing March 5th of 2020. The very next day the committee on which he

serves in the house released a damaging report on the Boeing 737 Max. Oh my God what timing. You see that? See the rest of us only find out about Boeing's problems as we're being sucked out of the fuselage mid-flight. Just flying out over the wings. You're flying in the air over the wings. You're flying in the air over the wings. Sell!

Sell! Sell! I don't think they're good! Flying in the air over the weeks, sell, sell! I don't think they're good! And it happens all the time. North Carolina Senator Richard Burr received a private briefing in 2020 about how bad the COVID pandemic was going to be for America, and he immediately sold off his stocks, saving himself a small fortune. Of course, he had a reasonable explanation.

We wanted to ask you about those stock trades back in February of 2020. You know, the SEC says that you had material non-public information when you made those trades. You have to look at what you put out. How is that not insider training? I'm so sorry, sir. I wanted to answer your question. If only there was a button that kept these elevator doors open. I don't... By the way, for those you at home who don't have a gold-plated elevator, you can avoid these types of questions yourself just by pretending to take the stairs. Oh, I'm sorry, I can't really tell that. I must have been a took elevator back up. I would do that bit more, but my knees.

As soon as I did the first one, because I didn't do it in rehearsal, I did it just now, and I was like, that's not a good idea. That's one of those who are like, stop the taping and pull me back up? Now you might be wondering yourself, how does Congress get away with all this? Well it may be because Congress is regulated by, let me check my notes. Let me check my notes. Congress that has refused to even hold a vote on the bills that have been proposed to ban members of Congress from trading stocks. Because not letting members of Congress inside or trade would be un-American.

Just listen to one of the biggest beneficiaries of this stock windfall. Should members of Congress and their spouses be banned from trading individual stocks while serving Congress? No, I don't know to their spouses be banned from trading individual stocks while serving in Congress? No, I don't know to the second one. This is a free market in people. We are a free market economy. They should be able to participate in that. Ah, free market. Excuse me. Ms. Speaker, I don't mean to interrupt. I'm Martha Stewart from the why the fuck

I go to jail time speaking you. Why the f-why the f- th f ffah f- th f- th f-fah f- th f-ffffffffffff, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, thi, thi, thi, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, thi, thi, thi, thi, th, thi, th, thi, th, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, the-in, thi, their-s, thi, their-s, their-s, their-s, their-s, their-s, their-s, their-s, their-s, their-s, the f-co' go to jail? But here's the thing. In a free market, everyone has access to the same information. So unless you're going to put all of us on the committees, I don't get it. Now to be fair, Congress does have rules against corruption. Members of Congress are not allowed to receive what might be viewed as enticements or bribes from lobbyists. No free concert tickets. They cannot accept food, baked goods, sandwiches, et cetera. It just would not be proper. But in Congress's infinite wisdom, they do allow organizations to set up

what are called leadership packs, where a congressperson can turn political donations from lobbyists into slush funds. A pharma lobbyist cannot buy a senator, a panini and some nightquil. But through the pack, they can pay for five-star hotels for Kirsten Gillibran, luxury resorts for Ted Cruz, and even golf lessons for Rand Paul. It's all in Ein Rind's famous book, Atlas Puttage. It's corruption. Really? That's maliterate crowd. I read

that in college, Exeter. This is corruption in plain sight. We won't accept gifts, but if I want to have a luxury experience and you would like to pay for it and then join me on set experience where we can discuss issues important to you and your industry, who's the wiser, right? Senator Mike Lee of Utah? Shortly after this sloped lunch for 22 friends, we decided to ask Senator Mike Lee. Just why he's doing this. Politicians raise funds and this is what we do. I just want to doing this. Politicians raise funds and this is what we do.

I just want to like this. I enjoy skiing. Thank you very much. Yeah. Thanks a lot. From now on, I am ending every uncomfortable conversation I ever have about anything with, I enjoy skiing. Good day.

But... But... But... But, but, are luxury lobbying vacations still too much work, Senator Menendez? Because you could always write laws that directly benefit your side business, like the way Senator Chuck Grassley netted $370,000 in farm subsidies, or the $5.3 million that California rep Doug Lamalfa got for his gentleman farm. And by the way, for that much money, you better be growing actual, fucking gentlemen.

It's all legal and not a gold bar in sight. Or you can leverage your stature in government to get lucrative lobbying positions for your wife and your three kids, like Missouri Senator Roy Blunt. I don't even understand why that would be a question. Everybody's family does something. My father was a corporate lobbyist, like his father and his father before him. Yes, everybody's family does something. For instance, your daughter might receive unusually green lighted Chinese patents, or your son in law might receive billions in no questions asked Saudi investment.

Or your son might get a lucrative seat on a corporate board. Let's hear Hunter explained that one away. If your last name wasn't Biden, do you think you would have been asked to be on the board of Barisma? I don't know. I don't know. Probably not. Holy shit. Out of all the senators and representatives who dodged and pervaricated and wouldn't answer any

fucking questions, you know you're in trouble when the most honest and transparent person in a story of government corruption is the ex-crack head. Yeah. Now you might... I don't know if I like John Stewart anymore. I don't know if I like John Stewart anymore. anymore. Now you might think... Now you might think... I don't know if I like John Stewart anymore. Now you might think someone should step in and stop Congress from being able to enrich themselves. Perhaps a Supreme Court.

Well, it will come as no surprise that the same guys who think it's fine to accept a luxury Winnebago from a wealthy businessman have made it much harder to police corruption. In a decision called McDonald versus the United States, they said that the appearance of corruption is not nearly enough for it to be considered against the law. It must be... This very narrow quid pro quo idea, you know, I'm going to give you kind of like a cartoonish sack of money in exchange for an actual vote. Whilst twirling my handlebomb mustache. At every turn our Congress and our

courts have been given a choice. Be less corrupt or redefine what constitutes corruption and get on with your bad selves. It's a game of reverse limbo. Having trouble getting under the bar of corruption we've set? Well, Ooh! How about now? Robert Menendez's gold bars in exchange for favorable legislation is obviously cartoonishly corrupt.

But for anyone out there who thinks the status quo of government patronage and influence is of an entirely different species than Menendez? How dumb is you? When we come back, a lot of delays will be joining us. Don't go away. Hey everybody, John Stewart here. I am here to tell you about my new podcast, The Weekly Show, it's going to be coming out every Thursday. So exciting, you'll be saying to yourself, TGID, thank God it's Thursday, we're going

to be talking about. All the things that hopefully obsess you in the same way that they obsess me. The election. Economics. Earnings calls. What are they talking about on these earnings calls? We're going to be talking about ingredient to bread ratio on sandwiches. And I know that I listed that fourth, but in importance, it's probably second. I know you have a lot of options as far as podcasts go, but how many of them come out on Thursday? I mean, talk about innovative. Listen to the weekly show with John Stewart, wherever you get your podcast.

She co-wrote-backed the Daily Show my guest tonight. She is an actor and a comedian. She co-wrote and stars in the new film, Babes. Please welcome Milana Glazer! First of all the today. First of all the love you. I love you. I just love you. I just love you John Stewart.

I love you, Alana Glazer. First of all, you know I love you. I just love you, Al. I love you, Alana. And boy, this movie's so good. Thank you. And it's so funny. And you're so good in it. And I'm just, I'm thrilled the death for you. Thank you. Yeah. Are you excited for it? It's coming out? When is it coming out? It's coming out in select cities, May 17th, and expands, and expands the 24th and favorite. Did you yourself personally select cities, young lady?

No, just the demographics, you know. So Alana Glazer didn't say, I would like to go to Louisville with my movie. It's, no. The relationships, so it's yourself, it. It's Michelle Butto and it's Hassan Menage is plays her husband and he's the most wonderful husband it's not believable. They are such a delicious couple and also like Michelle keep saying it's giving such queens we look like we grew up in queens together you know it really does I have to tell you though, like at the end, I'm not going to give

anything away, but like I did get a little like teary. Yeah, good. Like it, oh. Yeah, yeah, baby. We wanted to. Why would you do that to me? We wanted to feel your feelings. I was feeling my feelings. What about your feelings? Not only th th th th th th th th the th th th th tho th th th th the th th th thi thi thi thi. I thi. I thi. I thi. I thi. I'm thi. I'm not thi. I'm not thi. I'm not the thi. I'm not the the th. I'm not the the the the the th. I'm not the the the the thi I I I I the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I thi. I thi. I thi. I'm not thi. I'm not thi. I'm not thi. I'm not today today today. I'm not today. I'm not thi. I was with Julie Louis Dreyfuss. I was like happy Mother's Day to me dog. So I got to yeah, yeah, she did a Q&A for us. I was like thank you girl. Okay so she doesn't live there. At the Lincoln Square AMC, no. That's what I'm wondering. No, but I'm so glad you liked it. Yeah, it's really, and how did, was it strange to sit in the theater and watch it go down? Didn't skidaddled after the Q&A. You don't watch the people watch the movie? Well, you know, I've seen it a bunch of times. We did the test screenings too,

and it was like, in Burbank or whatever, they lured people at the mall to come see the movie and give us feedback. And I've just seen it so many times. And I just watched it in LA at like a little private screening and we have tomorrow the premiere. So how did they do? So I did that once. And what do they do to lure them? Because I think they should use gummies. Yeah, I think they use gummies.

I think that's legal now. I think people need work. They lure them with employment in an employment-based insurance system. That's right. People are just desperate. And they like to have the opinions. Do they come, does the company come to you and say, Phil? Yes. From Kips Bay? For sure. Said, do they really? Yeah. Oh yeah, they definitely care about their, um, the people's opinion, which I do too. Right. And like also you take some

stuff for the grain of salt. Sometimes they're like, it was really gross. And it's like, yeah, well, you just don't usually see women talk like this or experience pregnancy through their own voice so I could see why you think it's gross. But that's the perspective the relationship between you and Michelle is so lovely and easy and just natural. And we've been friends for 20 years. Oh for real. For truly 20 years so you know she is like... The hugs are real. Big titty just oh we are just... We are just just um... Michelle Oh, big titty just, oh, we are just, we are just, Michelle loves top titty meat, our top titty meat just spilling over, just 20 years.

She, she is effervescent, she is effervescent, she is effervescent, she is... She is effervescent, she is vibrant. Top titty meet John Stewart, you know what I mean? But you know, to be honest, to be honest, to be honest, like this is how women talk. Yes. And you know, when we first sent this script out, I wrote this with the, my mom just called you backstage the number one mench. You're like number two compared to Joshua Binowett, so I wrote this. You wrote the script with him.

Yeah, yeah. He's number one. the such a mench. And you know, when we were, and Susie Fox, our producer, as we were writing, as we were writing, as we were writing, as we were writing, as we writing, as we were writing, as we writing, as we writing, as we writing, as we writing, as we were writing, as we were writing, as we, as we were writing, as we were writing, as we were writing, as we were writing, as th, list together of the most surprising and absurd experiences we were having becoming parents, and we couldn't believe that these things hadn't been covered in film, you know? And we send the script out sort of to the industry or whatever to see if anybody wants to make it.

And you know, some people got it and then some people found it like really gross, really blue and it's like, no, it's just real. This is how women talk to each other and this is what pregnancy is. You know, you get... Well, that is the thing about it as you watch it as someone who is non-woman. I don't know if that's the term we're using now. Whatever you say becomes the culture baby. It was, yes. You ate and left no crumbs along. My daughter talked about.

I really don't. She has me say it at times out of context. Nice. Nice. Nice. It's brutally embarrassing. The repartee, the way that you guys talk, the friendship that around it comes so naturally to the characters

that it's incredibly infectious. And you just, also the fist, you guys are like the just dirty, dirty, dirty Laverne and Shirley. Like, it is so, like the physical comedy as well is also such a big part of this. Yeah, I mean, I think like women are dying to just, to the to to to to to to to to to to to to to the the the the the the characters, the the the the the the the the the the characters, the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the thi, the characters, the characters, to to to to to to to to to that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's the characters, to to be the characters, to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be the the the the the the the the the the the thi.e.e. the the the. the the the. the the. the. the. the. theate. the. that's that's the. the. the also such a big part of this. Yeah, I mean, I think like women are dying to just be themselves, you know? And it's like, weirdly we're in this time, increasingly where our bodies are more and more policed. And it's just funny what people are like, this is a raunch calm, shocking. And I'm like, girl, have you expected to a woman lately?

You ever laugh with a woman lately? You ever laugh with a woman, you know? Can I, it is, I gotta tell you, like, and then it's you guys gonna say, Can I, can I give away at least there's one line? Can I say? John Stewart, you can do whatever. So, one of my favorite is the whole thing, she has this incredible sort of relationship with this gentleman and it's it's really this lovely kind of walk through your evening and it ends with they're both

obviously feeling very amorous and Alana turns to him and says let's ruin some towels I was just like score! It was so awesome. Thank you. Shout out to Stefan James who plays that actor and the incredible cast, Oliver Platt, Sandra Bernhardt, John Carol Lynch, Hassan Menhaj, the Lucas Brothers fan favorite. Lucas Brothers are, they're really funny. Incredible and Dragana is played by Elena Uspenskaya. Can you believe Dragon was, yeah. First movie ever.

What? Yes, a girl, first movie ever. Are you serious? Slade. Crushed it. Goes back to her like, spot, you know, every take, and it was just like, thank you. Is there anything more fun than talking about a movie

that they secret information that you and I have, than they, to, I imagine the Oppenheimer people did that. They'd come around and they'd go, you know what he said to Einstein? And then the audience would be like, I don't know what the movie is. Should I give a summary? Do you want to give a summary? Give a summary? Please. Please. So, um, this movie is about, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, the, the, the, the the the the the the the the the the the the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the. the. the. the. the. the. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. the. the. the. the. You, you, you the. You, you the is about two best friends who are in very different points in their lives. Dawn, who's played by Michelle Buto, has two kids and a husband, and my character Eden

is single and a free spirit and gets knocked up and decides to keep the baby and their friendship. And their friendship is tested thereafter. And hilarity and feclumpedness ensues. Also pathos. Mad pathos. Mad pathos. Mad pathos. Crumbs, no crumbs. No crumbs. I just love you so much and you're so good. And everything you do is just filled with just bangers after bangers. Like just the lines are so funny and your stuff is so good.

And for God's sakes woman oh it is my honor for my hero stop it babes will be in the theater this Friday May 17th a lot of glazer quick we'll be right back to finish Hey everybody, John Stewart here. I am here to tell you about my new podcast, the weekly show. It's going to be coming out every Thursday. So exciting. You'll be saying to yourself, TGID, thank God it's Thursday.

We're going to be talking about all the things that hopefully obsess you in the same way that they obsess me. The election. Economics. Earnings calls. What are they talking about on these earnings calls? We're going to be talking about ingredient to bread ratio on sandwiches. And I know that I listed that fourth, but in importance, it's probably second. I know you have a lot of options as far as podcasts go, but how many of them come out on Thursday? I mean, talk about innovative. Listen to the weekly show with John Stewart, wherever you get your podcast. Before we go, we check in with your host for the rest of this week, Desi Lydde. Dessie. told you're to check in with your host for the rest of this week.

Desi Lydde. Desk, the new direction. Des-y what do you got for us this week? Well, tomorrow night is the WNBA season opener and Caitlin Clark's big debut. Which actually reminds me, I just, I need to apologize to her real quick. Caitlin, I am so sorry that my hosting week is overshadowing your big night. I don't get to choose when I host it's just on rotation you know but I promise I am not trying to pull focus. I'm a girls girl okay I got your back. I got your back. I'm sure there's going to be room for everybody that night and people could maybe, you know,

tune into both. Maybe, or maybe the WNBA pushes the start of the season back a week. I think that would be better for her. Yeah, I don't know if they're going to do that. Desi Lydde, Coastin all this week. Where it is the moment is it. I don't think that's. That's Hannibal Lecter. The legendary Hannibal Lecter, and they're coming into our country now, totally unchecked, unreaded.

That's Hannibal Lecter. That's Silence of the Lamb stuff, you know? Hannibal Lector was from an insane asylum. Silence of the Lamb, has anyone ever seen a silence of the Lamb? The late-grade Hannibal Lecter is a wonderful man. Explore more shows from the Daily Show podcast universe by searching the Daily Show, wherever you get your podcasts. Watch the Daily Show weeknights at 11, 10 Central on Comedy Central, and stream full episodes anytime on Fairmount

Plus. This has been a Comedy Central podcast. John Stewart here. Unbelievably exciting news. My new podcast, The Weekly Show. We're going to be talking about the election, economics, ingredient to bread ratio on sandwiches. Listen to the weekly show with John Stewart wherever you get your podcast.