The Daily Show: Ears Edition - Jon Stewart Unpacks GOP's 'Patriotic' Branding | Desi Lydic & Michael Kosta Cover RFK Jr.'s Unexpected VP Contender

Episode Date: March 16, 2024

Jon Stewart covers Biden's State of the Union address, Sen. Katie Britt’s disastrous GOP kitchen rebuttal, and Republicans' claim that they are more American than non-Republicans because of their love of the Constitution, while also embracing Trump as dictator. Also, Desi Lydic and Michael Kosta cover RFK Jr. shortlisting Aaron Rodgers as his VP pick and the House passing a bill to ban TikTok.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

You're listening to Comedy Central. Happy Fontf. H. Happy to Boom. to Buff Bumble.

Showtime. Showtime. Welcome to the Daily Show. My name is John Stewart. We have a fabulous show for you tonight. I'm not, you know what I'm not going to do tonight? I'm not going to overthink it. Honestly, I'm just going to come out here like Pacino at the Oscars.

I'm just going to mumble a few words there and eventually you'll figure out what I was getting at. It's fine. The big event we need to talk about is the Oscars of politics. The State of the Union address last Thursday night, Joseph Rezonette Biden the 12th. He had the unenviable task of having to lay out his vision for the nation, whilst also demonstrating that he is not too old, not too tired to be the President of the United States, and that he wouldn't rather just tie thousands of balloons to the White House and head to Paradise Falls.

And so, President Biden entered the House chamber, navigating through our divided Congress and barely, barely, barely getting past the bridge troll who guards the podium. What say you, sir? I say to the American people, when America gets knocked down, we get back up. My message of President Putin, I've known for a long time, is simple. We will not walk away. Bending books, it's wrong. I say, stop it.

Stop it, stop it, stop it. Pass universal background checks. Send me the Board of Bill now. The state of our unit is strong and getting stronger. Which one of you pricks wants to fight? Put up your dukes. Put up your dukes. Biden's back, baby.

I know that all the haters have been out there talking their shit. He's too old. He's too old. He's too weak. He can't make it. He won't be able to stand. Oh, I see you haters. I know who you are. Really.

You know, we said in rehearsal, can you get me a prettier mirror? And boy, boy did they deliver. That is... That is... Of course, by the way, the State of the Union was just the Democratic message. Would that message survive a concise and intelligent rebuttal? What happens? It happened on Thursday. I should read the whole thing, though.

Would it survive a concise and intelligent rebuttal from the GOP? Or whatever it was that Alabama Senator Katie Britt... To the kitchen, Batman! Our families are hurting. Our country can do better. President Biden's border policies are a disgrace. Mr. President, enough is enough. End this crisis and stop the suffering. We see you.

We hear you. And we stand with you. If you're if you're going to stand with me, could you stand a little bit further away? I imagine one of her kids just came downstairs and was like, I'm sorry mom, I just came down to get a bowl of cereal. I didn't realize you were losing your fucking mind. I'll come back when the Zanis kick in. Now look, everybody's had a bit of a go at Senator Britt because her rebuttal was objectively terrible. But there was one moment in a rebuttal that didn't get as much attention that I thought was quite interesting. We are the party of hard-working parents and families.

So I am asking you for the sake of your kids and your grandkids, get into the arena. Never forget, we are steeped in the blood of patriots, who overthrew the most powerful empire in the world. Two things. One, who smiles when they say the line steeped in the blood of patriots? And number two, this is just one more entry in the Republican mythology that they are the inheritors of the American revolutionary tradition, that they somehow are more Americany than

non-Republican Americans. We are the party of the real American people. Real America, where people work hard. They're patriotic. They don't want to transform America like the Democratic Party wants to do. This liberal bubble in New York or, you know, in California, they don't understand where real Americans are at. The Democrat elite.

Very simply hate America. I don't Democrat elite very simply hate America. I don't think they hate America. They hate room temperature yoga is really. Yoga is supposed to be very hot. Just out of curiosity, what is it about the Republican Party that makes it Americanier than the rest of us? We're the party and ideology of the Constitution. Every decision that I make starts with asking the questions, is this constitutional? I believe in this document, I carry it with me next to my heart because I refer to it daily.

As we all know, the Constitution starts with the three most important words outside the Bible. We the people. The power of we the people. We the people. The Constitution, we believe in it. They do not. Why did you f-flip it up? That was your copy!

You said that that's what they do, but you did it, you ripped it up! Like Shenate O'Connor's like, I believe in the Pope! Whip! But oh yes, it's an article of faith that Republicans love the Constitution. But oh yes, it's an article of faith that Republicans love the Constitution. They give speeches in front of the Constitution. They cover their buses in the Constitution. They dress up like the people who wrote the Constitution. Do you? Communists? With your unconstitutioned buses? And zero-cornered hats?

That's why these patriots love Donald Trump. For he alone will restore the rule of law in our constitutional republic. Trump's lawyer claimed the president has a legal license to murder his American political rivals. Just gonna check my, just gonna check my, hold on it. I actually keep my heart next to my constitution. That's how important my hands are shaking, I'm so nervous. I don't see anything in here about assassinating your political rivals. Oh, wait, by the there... I don't see anything in here about assassinating your political rivals.

Oh, wait, blah, blah. Here it is, hold on. I ask, it says the president must faithfully execute. Well, I think we're done here. Sorry, the laws of the land, never mind. Well, I don't want to be a nitpicker, but I do not remember the assassination episode of Schoolhouse Rock. Under the Constitution, wouldn't you get in some trouble for

that? I feel that as a president you have to have immunity. Very simple. Yes, it is the bedrock, American constitutional principle. The president must be above the law. Out of reach of the law. Look, forget the Constitution. Accountability to the law of the land is basic Magna Carta shit. I'm sorry, this is just a flip-book. Hold on. Oh, a tiny Magna Carta in my... You know what, I'm sorry, this is just a flip book. Hold on.

Oh, a dog's never going to catch that car. Maybe they like Trump because he's more of a Bill of Rights guy. President Trump attacking the First Amendment and freedom of the press. You take the writer and or the publisher of the paper, a certain paper, and you know, and you say, who is the Laker? National Security. And they say, we're not going to tell you. They say, that's okay, you're going to jail. And when this person realizes that he is going to be the bride of another prisoner very shortly.

I believe it was Thomas Jefferson who once said. Our liberty depends on the freedom of the press. Though obviously as with any right, there is some wiggle room for non-consensual ass-feehitting. Don't blame me, that's Jefferson. He said that. Thomas Jefferson. Look it up. Hold on.

Let me get. But that's the press. The press are the enemy of the people. How does Trump feel about freedom of assembly? He says, can't you just shoot them? Just shoot them in the legs or something. And he's suggesting that that's what we should do, that we should bring in the troops and shoot the protesters. The commander-in-chief was suggesting that the streets of our nation's capital. That's right.

Well, they'd still be free to assemble, just the assembly would be more of a pile. That's all, isn't it? But that's just hearsay from Trump's Secretary of Defense at the time. Look, um, how about the Fifth Amendment, due process? Very simply, if you rob a store, you can fully expect to be shot as you are leaving that store. What the f-feeck are we doing? You know, I'm pretty sure that shooting a guy on suspicion of stealing a pair of khakis violates not only the Constitution, but the Ten Commandments and the Gap employee handbook. All right.

I promise you that is the end of the things in my jacket. Now, we've had our fun. to dancing around the former president's rather eccentric and try of the things in my jacket. Now, we've had our fun dancing around the former president's rather eccentric interpretations of our country's founding document. May I offer you something more explicit? I only want to be a dictator for one day. Just so you know, that is how it starts. I'm not saying anybody has to do the arms salute. Let's just start with a few people doing the arms salute, and we'll see if the arm salute catches on.

Ignoring the Bill of Rights, tearing up the Constitution, pining for a brief stint as a dictator, well, that settles it. When the good patriotic constitution-loving real Americans hear Trump's disrespect and disdain for our sacred constitutional principles, they will be outraged. I'd rather have Donald Trump as a dictator for four years. Absolutely, this country needs a dictator. I hate to say that, but it's the truth. He could stand on the front steps of the White House and and commit

murder and I'm with it. If he says it, then I'll go with it. And if he wants to be a dictator, then so be it. This is it. The Thomas Nast cartoon. Patriots, festooned and American flags, co-signing dictatorship. Remember we the people? You know there's more words after that, right? Smaller font, still binding. Look, if you want to love Trump, love them. Go to the rallies, buy the sneakers. You want to give him absolute power?

You want them to be the leader Ubarolis. You want them to have the right of kings. You, you. You, you. You, you. the the the the the th. th. th. th. th. th. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thee. thee. thee. the thee, the the the the the the the the the the thee, the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the people, the people, the people, the the the people, the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the. the. thee. thee. thee. theateateateateateateateateatr. theateateateateauuuaugheateatr. theateatea. Wea. thea. thea. th, you want them to be the leader Uberalis, you want them to have the right of kings, you do you. But stop framing it as patriotism, because the one thing you cannot say is that Donald Trump is following the tradition of the founders. He is advocating for complete and total presidential immunity. His words, not mine. That is monarchy shit. And it's your right to support it. But just do me a favor for historical accuracy.

Next time you want to dress up at the rallies, wear the right, fucking colored coats. So, that's what you are. And I just want to tell you this. And I want you to know. And I want you to know. We see you. We see you. tight between now and election day. We are not going back. A campaign season unfolding faster. Kamala Harris is not getting a promotion than any in recent history. Make America great again. Follow it all with new episodes every weekday

on the NPR politics podcast. First let's get into our continuing coverage of Indecision 2024. Let's kick things off with the presidential race yesterday, Joe Biden and Donald Trump both secured enough delegates to clinch their party's nomination, making this officially a three-man race between Trump, Biden, and natural causes. Although there is another candidate in the race who can play a big role. Robert F. Kennedy, Jr. He's polling as high as 22% so far, which means he could lose this election more successfully than any third-party candidate in years. And soon, we'll find out who he'll choose to lose alongside him. Robert Kennedy, Jr. says he has chosen his running mate and will announce his VP pick in the

next two weeks. The independent presidential candidate says his short list includes New York Jets quarterback Aaron Rogers who came under scrutiny during the pandemic for misleading the public about his vaccination status. That's right. Aaron Rogers could be RFK juniors running mate. This would be the greatest president and vice president pairing of all time is what I'm assuming the measles virus is saying. A football player in the White House feels like progress, though.

We don't need any more aging old men with brain problems. We need a strong young man with brain problems. I just don't know if Aaron Rogers is qualified to be next in line for the presidency, but I guess we don't have to worry about that. When has a Kennedy ever died unexpectedly? Oh! Oh! Oh!

Don't forget, Aaron Rogers is supposed to be the starting quarterback for the Jets next season. So the question is, what's he going to do if the Jets make it to the Super Bowl? I almost held it together. Almost. Meanwhile, RFK isn't the only candidate closing in on a running mate. Donald Trump has also been looking at potential vice presidents. He's focused grouping their appeal, feeling them out on policy, seeing how soft their lips feel on his ass. And this week, one of Trump's leading contenders made a strong, if somewhat unusual,

bid for the spotlight. South Dakota Governor Christy Knoam is making waves after releasing a video on social media promoting a cosmetic dentist in a different state. Texas. The team here was remarkable and finally gave me a smile that I can be proud of and confident in. I can be confident when I smile at people and know that they can actually appreciate and see the kindness in my face and the love that I have for them. My husband and I flew down to Houston, got here at 2 o'clock in the morning and did an love that I have for them. My husband and I flew down to Houston, got here at 2 o'clock in the morning and did an appointment.

That very next week, I'll be eternally grateful. It has been a gift to be here at Smout, Texas. What is going on here? Why is a sitting governor doing an ad for veneers? And for a dentist in another state. Isn't that insulting to South Dakota? I flew to Texas at 2 in the morning because these hillbilly dipshits in my state are that bad. Next week I'm going to Florida for a haircut.

This is just so cringy. Why is she shilling for Smile Texas when she should be shilling for Westside Dental Spa who do great work? Use Code Desi to get me 25% off my next cleaning. That being said, I am impressed. This might be the first time a woman has had to fly into Texas to see a doctor. That being said, I am impressed. This might be the first time a woman has had to fly into Texas to see a doctor. I do appreciate a politician being so transparent with the fact that they're bought. They should do this all the time.

My fellow Americans, the state of our union is easy, breezy, beautiful. Cover girl. Let's move on to the big news of the day. If you're like many Americans, you're on Tick Tock. In fact, you're probably on it right now while this show plays in the background. Hey! Hey, I'm on TV over here! Pay attention! Unless you're watching me on Tick Tock, in which case, nice, thank you. Anyway, Tick Tock is huge, but if Congress has its way, that's about to change. We begin this hour with breaking news up on Capitol Hill.

Just minutes ago, House lawmakers passed a bill that could lead to a ban of the very popular social media platform, tick-to-tick-to-toc here in the United States. The measure would give the company less less less less less less less less less less the company the company the company less less less the company the company the company the company the company the company the company the company the company the company the give the company less than six months to sell to a non-Chinese owner. If that doesn't happen, Tick Tock could be shut down here in the United States. Lawmakers from both parties warning that China could manipulate the algorithm to spread its own propaganda, or data like your browser history and location could be shared with the Chinese government. This is not an attempt to make Tick Tick. It's an attempt to make Tick Toc-Toe, a winner. A winner.

That's right. That's right. Congress might be banning Tick-Tac-Tock or banning Tic-Tac-Toe. I'm not sure Nancy Pelosi knows. Also, tick-tac-to winner? Tic-tac-toe is always a tie. Unless you're playing with your three-year-old, then I'm winning three out of five times. But yes, obviously there's a problem with a Chinese app

spying on Americans and feeding us propaganda. You want American apps doing that. But is this app really a Chinese propaganda tool? The most viral Tick-Tock right now is just this. Chocolate Strawberries. That has more than 710 million views. And there's nothing political about it. I mean, yes, it does maybe want to invade Taiwan a little.

But aside from that, it's harmless. What's interesting here is how unpredictable the breakdown of the vote was Marjorie Taylor Green and AOC voted together against the bill. the bill. the bill. the bill. the bill. the bill. the breakdown of the vote was. Marjorie Taylor Green and AOC voted together against the bill. Nancy Pelosi and Lauren Bobert voted for it. Both nightmare blunt rotations, by the way. Meanwhile, Biden says he'd signed the bill and Trump has come out against it. The only thing you can really count on is that young people hate it. And Tick Tock is doing everything it can to mobilize them.

The company has launched an all-out lobbying effort both on the app and here on Capitol Hill. If you are on Tick Tock, there's a good chance you've got an alert to say, call your member of Congress. Phones are ringing off the hook in many offices here in Washington. We had little children calling into our office and others, business saying questions like, what is Congress? What is a congressman? Can I have my Tick-Toc back? That's how you know this issue is important. It forced Gen Z to make their very first phone call.

And you know, you know congressman must have been pissed at teenagers blowing up their phones all day. I mean, well, Matt Gates didn't mind, but... Oh. Oh, the rest of them were pissed. I have to say, as an American, it's great that these kids are getting involved in the civic process. You're never too young to start getting ignored an American, it's great that these kids are getting involved in the civic process. You're never too young to start getting ignored by your congressperson. For more on the Tick-Toc band, we go live to Washington, D.C. with Ronnie Cang.

What's the feeling up on Capitol Hill? I'll tell you what the feeling should be. America should be feeling humiliated right now. China made an app so popular that the government has to ban it. That means communist China beat free market America at capitalism. All right? That's like a whole thing, America, and you lost. This is as bad as that time that Asian dude

won a hot dog eating contest, six times in a row. China beat us so bad at mindless entertainment. We need the government to save us. Oh no, TikTok's too popular. Now what, addictive to our phones that are also made in China. Ronnie, hold on a minute. What choice to our leaders have here? China's using Tickickick the the the tick to to tick the to tick to their tick to tick their to to their tocococococococococococococococococococococen to to to to to to thoen thoes thoes in a thi thoes in a thoes in a thoes in a thoes in a thoes in a thoes in a thoes in a thoes in a thoes in a thi thi thi thi thi thi their their their their their their their their their ths their thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi. to thi. to to tho to to to toes toooooooo-coc. to-coc., hold on a minute. What choice do our leaders have here?

China's using TikTok to influence people. Oh, trust me, I know. Before I use TickTok, I was a white guy in Iowa named Mike Sullivan, okay? Look at me now. Wait, is that true? No, you idiots? That's just how susceptible we all are to misinformation. And it doesn't matter what app you use.

Okay, I wouldn't be surprised if the next election is swung by Uber Eats. Like, here's your spaghetti, vote for Donald Trump. Oh, oh, okay, I will. Whatever you say, Mr. Spaghetti, uh. Ronnie, you're not being fair. Americans aren't gullible. It's that Tick Tock is an incredibly powerful tool for spreading misinformation. Yeah, because the misinformation is entertaining.

Facebook has just as much misinformation, but it's boring as shit. How am I supposed to get behind conspiracies that come from your great art who can't even pop and lock? Misinformation, TikTok misinformation is exciting. Cool dancers, cute baby animals, Tenement Square didn't happen. We're all having fun. So what, America's supposed to just roll over and let Tick Tock do whatever it wants?

Yes. Or, America can innovate itself out of this problem. Just make a better app to package American misinformation worldwide. Because American misinformation is the best in the world, okay? We got people to storm the Capitol dressed as a buffalo. Yo, Gwenev Kowtro told me to put an egg in my vagina. American misinformation is straight up turning people into omelets. That's how powerful it is. And you know what?

We can win this war of misinformation America, or my name isn't Mike Sullivan. Wow. Inspiring. Mike Sullivan, everyone. Explore more shows from the Daily Show podcast universe by searching the Daily Show, wherever you get your podcasts. Watch the Daily Show weeknights at 11, 10 Central on Comedy Central, and stream full episodes anytime on Fairmount Plus.

This has been a Comedy Central podcast. Hey guys, this is Tom Segura. And I'm Burke Cricer. And you're listening to Two Bears One Cave, or you should be listening to is Tom Segura. And I'm Bert Kreischer. And you're listening to Two Bears One Cave, or you should be listening to Two Bears One Cave. We are on Spotify. On Spotify. And we are not smart. That's an understatement. But you'll have a lot of fun, hopefully. I think you might enjoy it if you give us a listen. If you got your perfect blood work back from your doctor and you have full permission to tie one on. Make sure you check out Two Bears One Cave. It's with me, Tom Segura and my co-host, Bert Chryser.

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