The Daily Show: Ears Edition - Jon Stewart's DNC Recap: Oprah Calls Out Cat Ladies, Dem Vibes & Kamala’s Moment

Episode Date: August 23, 2024

Jon Stewart closes out the last night of the DNC live from Chicago with a recap of the convention, including Kamala Harris's spotlight moment, Oprah's cat lady cam, and a roster of speakers as diverse and contradictory as the Democratic party itself. Jon also shows Dems what real joy looks like and tries to make sense of Fox News's convention coverage. The Best F**king News Team also share their thoughts on the party's embrace of small town values, which apparently means patriotically loving God and baking lots and lots of pies to give to neighbors. Plus, Jason Bateman narrates the story of Kamala Harris shockingly normal life. From her birth in a year that makes her a very normal age to be president now, to a classic college job at McDonald's, to her time in the senate barely getting noticed for anything, Kamala is breaking with recent presidential tradition by being totally f**king normal.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Hey everybody, John Stewart here. I am here to tell you about my new podcast, the weekly show. It's going to be coming out every Thursday. So exciting. You'll be saying to yourself, TGID. Thank God it's Thursday. We're going to be talking about all the things that hopefully obsess you in the same way that they obsess me. The election. Economics. Earnings calls. What are they talking about on these earnings calls? We're going to be talking about ingredient to bread ratio on sandwiches. And I know that I listed that fourth, but in importance it's probably second. I know you have a lot of options as far as podcasts go, but how many of them come out on Thursday?

I mean, talk about innovative. Listen to the weekly show with John Stewart, wherever you get your podcast. You're listening to Comedy Central. Let's do it! Welcome to the Nelly show! I'm going to John Stewart and once again ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the Daily Show. I'm going to John Stewart and once again, ladies and gentlemen, welcome to Chishag. Welcome. Welcome to Chicago. We are live. Right now we are live. The Democratic convention is wrapping up maybe hours from here. We don't really know where it is.

It's far from this theater. Right now we are live. The Democratic convention is wrapping up maybe hours from here. We don't really know where it is. It's far from this the theater. What a night for Kamala Harris. By the waythis theater. What a night for Kamala Harris. By the anticipation was high tonight and not just for Kamala Harris. Speculation was running wild today that there would be a surprise guest. Boy did they deliver.

Please welcome Michigan Representative Alyssa Slotkin. Oh! Freedom! Oh! Freedom! Oh! Oh! Freedom! Freedom! Freedom! I am in the slot hive. You thought that it was the sloth hive.

You thought that it was the Bionse, because everybody thought that it was going to be Beyonce coming out there. Man, it was Slotkin all along. Everybody knew. Tonight was the final night for the DNC and they did it all. They spoke in support of curbing gun violence. They spoke in support of investing in our schools, fighting climate change and upside-down drumming. They... A remarkable story. Born conjoined.

They didn't let that stop them. From upside-down drumming. But it was Kamala's night and her opportunity. She's not here either. No, Beyonce. No, Camel. She's not here either. No, Beyonce, no Camel. No, Camel. Hey, hey! Tickets are free, my b-Bah! It's Commel thi.

It was Commel-Irace's opportunity to be introduced as a presidential candidate to America. Growing up, we moved a lot. And it was Camelarous' opportunity to be introduced as a presidential candidate to America. Growing up, we moved a lot. I will always remember that big Mayflower truck packed with all our belongings, ready to go to Illinois, to Wisconsin. Just name Swing States. Just say... Say that you move to Swing States, that you move to

Michigan, to Georgia, you move to Arizona, you move to Arizona. Just make it up. But this is great. We finally get to meet Communist Kamala, the radical that we have heard so much about. I believe everyone has a right to safety, to dignity, and to justice. A harm against any one of us is a harm against all of us. Okay. Stalin. This is one of the reasons. Okay, Stalin. This is one of the reasons I became a prosecutor to protect people.

D'Azerna. D'Azernaid, Comrade. I stood up for women and children against president. Comrade. I stood up for women and children against predators who abuse them. I fought against the cartels who traffick in guns and drugs and human beings. Who threatened the security of our border and the safety of our communities. And I will tell you, these

fights were not easy. Why are you doing the thing that they told us that you were going to do? With the hammer and the sickle and the bandeleros with the jello shots in the wire are you doing this? On behalf of everyone whose story could only be written in the greatest nation on earth, I accept your nomination to be President of the United, how funny would it have been if at the end she was just like, but seriously though, not for me. This is often great, but I've been thinking it over. By the way, if I was Donald Trump right now, I don't even know what I'd, I'd probably

just be tweeting nonsensical shit to distract from the fact that she doesn't faintly resemble the caricature that's been painted. By the way, that is what he was doing. These are his real tweets. In all caps, in all caps, where's Hunter? I swear to God, the guy running for president on the Republican ticket has morphed into a poor man's cat turd. Of course, of course an important part of tonight was familiarizing people with the Democratic nominee's biography, a hallowed walk through the trials and tribulations that formed

the ethos and spirit of the Democratic nominee. Because up until tonight, eh? They didn't have a lot. See, you know, they didn't have much time, but this is what they were running out there. Vice President Harris came and visited my restaurant. You know, I know you only had four weeks to put this movie together, but come on. You got to put this movie together, but come up.

You got to do better than, I was working, and she walked in. I drove her in an Uber. Come on, the big movers and shakers of the Democratic Party must know her well. She worked at McDonald's. And she greeted every person with that thousand-watt smile and said, how can I help you? I think you have to say that when you work at McDonald's or really any point of service

occupation. How can I help you is kind of the thing. I don't know that the transaction can really take place. If you do not acknowledge that delicate dance of whether or not they will super-sense. Are there less professional, more personal stories? My phone rings. It's Kamala Harris. She called me.

My phone rang again, and it was Vice President Kamala Harris. If you're lucky enough to be her friend, she calls you on her birthday. Wait. She calls you on her birthday? She calls you on her birthday? That is very f-shunders? That is very f-shunders. On her birthday, she calls you. Hey girl.

It's Kamala. Anything you have to say to me? That you should have said hours ago? By the way, this is like night three infirm. We're three days into the convention and we're like, so she has a phone. By the way, is literally one of the only things we knew about her before she took office. We did it, we did it down. The phone, she called people.

Bup-pup-poop. Poop-poo-poo-poo. Poop-poo-poo-poo. But credit where credit is due. The Democrats, on short notice, exploited their newfound momentum and enthusiasm with a display of the breadth and width of this diverse, often contradictory party of Roosevelt. At their convention, they had union leaders and CEOs. They had democratic Party icons and lifelong Republicans. They had a guy yelling, screw the billionaires, followed immediately by a

very happy billionaire. I don't like, I don't like billionaire, but he's alright. They had guys making fun of people for going to Yale, and a bunch of people who went to Yale. They had Barack Obama. They had Barack Obama. That's always good for politics. You know what really works? A Jewish guy. That's always good for politics.

You know what really works? A Jewish guy that sounds like a black guy. The Democrats have people who prosecuted sexual predators and... There goes that booking. They had black Americans, Hispanic Americans, Asian Americans, gay Americans, Jewish Americans, Palestinian, Am-Oh! Oh! Well, oh, to be fair, it was only four nights, eight hours a night. But really, it's best not to think about the consequences of our actions over there, especially given the theme of the week. I can feel the excitement in this arena.

It's filled with energy and with joy. The air of joy. Joy. We will be joyful warriors. The president of Joy. Let us choose Joy. Let us choose Joy. Yes. Yes. Oh, it was joyful. For a convention.

I know what real joy looks like. Because I've watched Oprah on her show. You thought people were happy to see her endorse Kamala Harris. You should see what they do when she gives them lip liner. Keep the one this, it's the Sony VIO With the House of SBBA, BG, Fire! That's joy. Pretty good.

The Democrats are about joy. And they are about excitement. Oh, and one other thing. I was a paratrooper and an army ranger. I flew in the Navy during the first Gulf War. I enlisted, fought alongside my brothers with Lima 325 in Iraq. I gave the order directing our special operations forces to fly two helicopters, 150 miles into Abadabad at night. And by the time the sun rose, Os to be in America.

That's right, these are the new Democrats, man. They lead with joy and compassion and acceptance and oh yeah we will Fee will to the to listen what what you're feeling is joy or perhaps relief at having a chance when you had none is exhilarating. And the Democrats were hitting all the right notes. The cameraman? Not so much.

When a house is on fire, we don't ask about the homeowners race or religion. No. We just try to do the best we can to save them. And if the place happens to belong to a childless cat lady? I love that the camera just stayed on her. She literally turned around like, are these moth-fixi? Is this? Hold on. Hold on. Oh, f-fo'n'er.

Here's the crazy part. After this cutaway, the woman was interviewed. She is childless and has two cats. And you know what that means? A C-SPAN don't play. Seaspan does the research. But ultimately, look, Democrats have already drank the c-span don't play. to know what the research. But ultimately, look, Democrats have already drank the Kool-Aid. It's very difficult when you're inside that convention environment to know if this has been a successful

endeavor. Perhaps the best way to see how well it actually went is through the eyes of a more objective observer, a fair and balanced organization that will give you a more clear-eyed perspective. How did Fox News experience this convention? that will give you a more clear-eyed perspective. How did Fox News experience this convention? At the beginning, I've got to be honest. I'm not sure they cared for it. There's not much joy in this convention hall.

There's the the tree's here when even as late as when Joe Biden is speaking. The vibes are off. No one's talking to each other. This is probably the most boring scene I've ever seen in my inside life. Ooh! So boring. I forgot what a daredevil like you. I forgot your life is a never-ending joyride of talking to Brit Hume in between catheter ads on Fox. Ooh! You're a merr. What, what, what? But unfortunately for Jesse Knievel over here,

the next night, even Fox had to acknowledge, Fire Emojy, Fire Emojy. People are having a great time down here. Stevie Wonder just performed, and there's more electricity in this room. What? Good vibes. And you'll never guess what?

They had a problem on this night as well. No one's talking about the actual issues that matter. All about fuzzy puppies and little kittens. All the joy, all the vibe, all the emotion is nothing but empty calories. They burn fast and make you fat. The good vibes aren't gonna, you can't eat good vibes, right? Oh, so which is it? Did the vibes fatten you up or are they emotional ozempic? Which one? But I guess you're right, you can't feed your family on vibes.

You can only feed your family on immigration fear-mongering. You can't eat good vibes. I think you might be confusing vibes with the tomato-infused soup adjacent fondue, the weapon of mass lactation that this city called it. I'll tell you that much. Yeah, that's right, other f-b-border. Come on, come on, you want a peep? You want a peep? Hey, hey, I want to order a pizza.

Oh, yeah, you want a personal or backyard pool size. Look, let me tell you this. All right. I will say this. All right. I will say this. The bar pies are good. All right, I will say this. The bar pies are good. All right. I haven't... I ain't...

I ain't f-fiended. The point is this. By the third night of the convention, even at Fox News, the Walls came tumbling down. Tim Walsh, I said earlier tonight, he had to do fine, and that would be enough, he did great for him, for the crowd. Step the time. And I... I. I. I. I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I,tonight he had to do fine and that would be enough. He did great for him for the crowd. I even followed the football metaphors. He'll be a great wingman for Kamla Harris. Yes, Fox News now knows the experience of being a Mets fan. Watching the Yankees always win the World Series. Yeah, that's Derek Jeter. Very talented. Most of Fox News was admitting defeat, except for young Jesse Waters,

who bravely continued the pretense that the convention was going badly. Even when the footage, rightthat the convention was going badly. Even when the footage right next to his fucking head disagreed. Last night wasn't as jubilant as the media tells you. Seats were empty. It looked like there was a formal dress code. The lines to get in the stadium were long and silent. The only joy in the building was Joy Reed, who nobody

even recognizes. You see these liberal media anchors walking around and no one even stops them for selfies. Actually feel bad for them. Last night felt like a funeral. And we all know funerals always have a DJ. Goodbye, dearest grandfather. Munchoomchip, munche, munche, munche, munche, mumpch. When we come back, we check in with our correspondence. Stick around everybody. Hey everybody, John Stewart here. I am here to tell you about my new podcast, The Weekly Show, it's going to be coming out every Thursday. So exciting, you'll be saying to yourself, TGID, thank God it's Thursday we're going to be talking about. All the things that hopefully obsess you in the same way that they obsess me. The election. Economics. earnings calls. What are they talking about? It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. the. the. the the the the the the the the the the the the the weekly. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. the the the weekly. the weekly. It's. It's. the weekly. It's the weekly. It's the weekly. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the weekly the weekly the weekly the same way that they obsess me. The election. Economics.

Earnings calls. What are they talking about on these earnings calls? We're going to be talking about ingredient to bread ratio on sandwiches. And I know that I listed that fourth, but in, it's probably second. I know you have a lot of options as far as podcasts go, but how many of them come out on Thursday? I mean, talk about innovative. Listen to the weekly show withay. All the today. All the today. All week long.

The best-fledgive team has been on the convention floor. We're going to check in one last time before we leave Chicago to get their final takeaways. All week long, the best f-fix team has been on the convention floor. We're going to check in one last time before we leave Chicago to get their final takeaways from the week. Let's start with Jordan Clepper. Jordan, talk to them. Gordon, any moments in the convention that really resonated with you. Well, John, I have to say the moment that resonated with me the most was Tim Wall's speech about small town America.

Now I grew up in Butte, Nebraska, a town of 400 people. Growing up in a small town like that, you'll learn how to take care of each other. That family down the road, they may not think like you do, they may not pray like you do, they may not love like you do, but they're your neighbors. And you look out for them, and they look out for you. Yeah. Yeah. Yes.

Wow. You know, that really got me. I'm from a small town myself, only. Wow. Nice. You know that, that really got me. I'm from a small town myself, only 300 people. But we shared common values. Faith, friendship, baking pies for our neighbors. Ten, twenty, sometimes thirty pies a day per neighbor. And everyone came out to support our high school football team. We were small and scrappy, but with our beloved coach and small town values, we let our team to victory in Super Bowl 41.

It's quite a story, Jordan. That's, uh... John, if I may? Yes, Desilightick. Yeah. What about you? What was it? What was it with you? Well, John, I agree with Super Bowl champion Jordan Clepper. Because I too came from a very, very small town full of God-loving patriots who patriotically loved our God. Small like Jordans, how many people were, where you grew? Four. Yeah, and we took care of each other, John. If one of us needed salt, someone would pass them that salt.

You're down at four people and you took care of each other by seasoning each other. Desi, how many stoplights were in this town? No stoplight, just a dishwasher and a sink. Yeah, Desi, I think you're just describing a house. A townhouse. Oh, a townhouse. I get that, that makes sense. Thanks.

All right, well, well, thanks. She's right, John. I'm sorry, Josh Johnson. Yes, let's go to go. She's right, John. I'm sorry, Josh Johnson, yes. Let's go to go to that. I'm just going to take a wild stab. You're from a small town. That's right, John.

Very small. Teeny-tiny. I could fit it in my pocket. And what I loved about my perfect small town was a sense of community. I used to walk down the street and total strangers in pickup trucks would make sure I was from around these parts. Gosh, I have to say, that actually sounds like a dark undercurrent of racism ran through you. Gosh, I have to say, that actually sounds like a dark undercurrent of racism ran through your small town.

What, no, no, they were friendly. They looked after me by telling me, you better be inside by dark or else. All right, Michael Casa, Michael, Michael, I just want to ask you, I'm just going to go way out on a rim here. I assume you too were raised with small town real American values. I sure was, John. And the Democrats really nailed it. I watched the convention from my hotel.

And to me, they highlighted the best of what makes small towns so great. Coaches who love their kids. Slogans like clear eyes, full hearts, can't lose. Smoke shows like Kyle Chandler and Connie Britton in a weird subplot where Landry killed the guy. Yeah, so just very quickly, Michael, you were not watching the convention. That is a show called friday night lights well whatever it was i'm excited to vote for coach tail

oh my god hey can we can we please stop can we please stop if this more than This is small town office. Ronnie, John, I'm sick of this, okay? The Democrats need to stop adopting this Republican fiction that American values only exist in small towns.

Ronnie, thank you. I agree. People in cities also have good values. Well, no, no also have good values. No, no, we don't. We're all godless heathens with no values and bed bugs, okay? And we like it that way. We don't bake each other pies. I don't take food from a stranger like a psychopath.

And I have never talked to my neighbors ever. I just scream at them through my wall to keep it down when they're having sex. I never even met them. For what I can hear, their names are, oh God, and harder. But we have to remember that we are all Americans, whether you're from a city or a small town, whether your name is Smith or Chang or Oh God, harder, harder, harder, more, more, more. No, I think I get it.

I think I get it. No, no, I'm not done. Harder, harder, yes, yes, yes, yes. I'm not interesting everybody. When we come back, I'll get to know the world from the island. That's all that. That's all that. John Stewart here, unbelievably exciting news. My new podcast, The Weekly Show, we're gonna be talking about the election, economics, ingredient to bread ratio, on sandwiches. Listen to the weekly show with John Stewart, wherever you get your podcast. Welcome back to the Daily Show. Obviously, this week's convention is really all about

introducing Kamala Harris to America. And as part of that introduction, the Democrats produced a special film to make the case for a Harris presidency. Now, luckily for us, we stole it. And we are going to show it to you now. America is a land of people. People who were normal. And America used to have presidents who were normal. Sometimes they were good or not saudi. But they could always finish their sentences and not start civil wars.

But after eight years of this, we finally beat Medicare, and this. Ah! I love this guy right now. And just generally feeling like we're trapped in a sadistic circus in the eighth circle of health. It is time for America to return to normal. It's time for Kamala Harris. Just now, narrated by Jess and Hannah, a normal backer. Comilla Harris checks all the boxes for what Americans are looking for in a normal president. I'm Kamla Harris, wonderful president of the United States.

We are a nation that was founded on noble ideas. But where did this unicorn of a candidate come from? Kamala Harris was born in 1964 in Oakland, California, a year that puts her squarely in the normal age range of American presidents? She was the daughter of two academics who met at school, a way that normal age range of American presidents. She was the daughter of two academics, who met at school, a way that normal people meet their spouse as opposed to a party with sex-ring billionaires. Her mother was from India, her father was from Jamaica,

and that makes her both black and South Asian. Normal people understand this. I don't know, is she Indian or is she black? Again, normal people understand this. Kamala's parents wanted the best education for it. But, because they weren't absolutely loaded in a way that would make them believe they could live outside the laws of man and nature, young Kamala had to be bust to a desegregated school an hour away.

It was an experience that always stayed with her, but not in a way that made her thirsty for revenge or obsessed with leaving a legacy that would outlast the universe. Just a normal, I'll put that into my autobiography kind of way. Tomila was admitted to Howard University, where she made lifelong friends like any other well-adjusted person you can feel comfortable trusting with nuclear codes. And she made ends meet working at McDonald's, a typical job held by millions of people. And just to be clear, she was working the register, not starring in bizarre fever dreams with Grimmis. And stealing jobs from hard-working

professional actors who honestly could have used the gig at the time. After college, Kamala went on the normal trajectory for a president. Law school, San Francisco District Attorney, Attorney General of California. Yes, early on she had a boyfriend helper get a job on the state unemployment insurance appeals board, but that's a very normal type of cronyism. And besides, it was an unemployment insurance appeals board. Do not act like you wanted that job. Grow up. Combo wrote her success to the U.S. Senate, where her time was mostly unmemorable, which

is normal. Do you know what kind of freak you have to be to be a memorable senator? She ain't gone big. Yeah. No, Kamala just did her job, including a famous grilling of Judge Brett Kavanaugh. Can you think of any laws that give the government the power to make decisions about the male body? I'm not a... I'm not a... thinking of any right now. It was a brilliant performance that didn't stop Brett Kavanaugh from overturning Roe v. Wade,

but a politician offering stirring rhetoric with disappointing results... Very normal normal guys. After a respectable two years, Kamala decided to take the next step. I stand before you today to announce my candidacy for President of the United States. Yes. A run for President in 2020, a decision so normal that it was done by over 70% of the Democratic Party.

But despite showing voters a personal side by listening and reacting to music like a regular human as opposed to freezing in place or yanking off a pair of digs and step letters, Kamala didn't resonate with voters. And she dropped out before voting even began. I'm not a billionaire. I can't fund my own campaign. It was a move that exhibited her remarkable skill to view reality and react rationally. Wouldn't that be great? Reacting rationally to an electoral defeat, wouldn't it?

But before she quit, Kamala did have one great moment. You know, there was a little girl in California and she was bused to school every day. And that little girl was me. It was a takedown of Biden's support of school segregation so brutal that he reintegrated the White House and made her vice president. They did it, Joe. Hamila Harris between the first white vice president, the first Asian vice president and the first female vice president. the first Asian vice president, and the first female vice president. And yes, maybe that isn't all the form of America, but did you know that in the other

parts of the world, women are allowed to be leaders like all the time, so that's not on her. What are Kamala's actual policies? policies, just the vague ones you'd expect from a normal Democrat trying to get elected. Our fight is a fight for the future and it is a fight for freedom. Yeah, great, sounds good. But at least are going to be normal policies. You won't have to learn about Project 2025 or Great Replacement Theory, or whether a president can serve out his term while in prison. What the hell are we doing here, gang? I've been in episodes of Ozark less stressful than this. Of course like any person Kamala has her personality quirks and her

time as vice president brought them all front and center. I love Venn diagrams. Do you know the three circles? Who does it love a yellow school bus? You think you just fell out of a coconut tree? Yeah, the coconut thing, super kooky, right? So what? America has presidents with fun and energy all the time. What about Abe? He wore the big hats, FDR, stamps, Reagan, jelly beans, pounded fistfuls of them. And they were all presidents who didn't cause Americans to ship themselves every five minutes.

That is the promise of a Kamala Harris presidency, a president who will not fall in love with a North Korean dictator. Or have a family member whose dick picks end up on a congressional hearing. A president who won't clear up their COVID with a horse dewormer and a spritz. And one that can stay up, past eight. A president who will eventually leave office. A president who won't have have have have have have have have have have have have have have have have have have have have have have have have have have have have have have have have have have have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to to to to to to to to to to their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their promise. th. th. the the the the thom. the the the the the the the the promise. their their their the and one that can stay up past eight. A president who will eventually leave office. A president who won't have to flee to a non-extradition country if she loses. In other words, Kamala Harris will be a normal president. Just a normal, fucking president. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

Thank you. Hey everybody. Hey everybody, John Stewart here. I am here to tell you about my new podcast, the weekly show coming out every Thursday. We're going to be talking about the election, earnings calls. What are they talking about on these earnings calls? We're going to be talking about ingredient to bread ratio on sandwiches. I know you have a lot of options as far as podcasts go, but how many of them come out on Thursday? Listen to the weekly show with

John Stewart, wherever you get your podcast. I do, before we go, I just want to thank, hold on a one today, I just, I want to thank the Anthonym Theater here in Chicago, the hospitality that the theater has shown us throughout the week, and the hospitality from the city of Chicago and all the great people. It's been fantastic. What a lovely time we have, what a lovely experience. But most of all, I want to thank the staff, the crew, and the cast, the Daily Show, the production team here that brought everything out from New York City and gave us an absolutely flawless

week of production. Best staff and crew in the business couldn't be happier with how they pulled this thing off. And thank you guys for watching. Explore more shows from the Daily Show podcast universe by searching the Daily Show, wherever you get your podcasts. Watch the Daily Show week nights at 11, 10 Central on Comedy Central and stream full episodes anytime on Paramount Plus. Paramount Podcasts. John Stewart here.

Unbelievably exciting news. My new podcast, The Weekly Show. We're going to be talking about the election, economics, ingredient to bread ratio on sandwiches. Listen to the Weekly Show with John Stewart, wherever you get your podcast.