The Daily Show: Ears Edition - Last Week's Top Stories - Conservatives Attack Kamala Harris & Trump Takes On the USPS - Uncensored

Episode Date: August 17, 2020

Conservatives lash out at vice-presidential candidate Kamala Harris, Pres. Trump tries to sabotage the U.S. Postal Service, and Dulce Sloan and Margo Price call out sexism. Learn more about your ad-choices at https://www.iheartpodcastnetwork.comSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

You're listening to Comedy Central. When 60 Minutes premiered in September 1968, there was nothing like it. This is 60 Minutes. It's a kind of a magazine for television. Very few have been given access to the treasures in our archives. But that's all about to change. Like none of this stuff gets looked at. That's what's incredible. I'm Seth Done of CBS News. Listen to 60 Minutes, a second look on Apple podcasts starting September 17th. Kamala Harris, vice presidential candidate and woman Joe Biden is going to call home

girl in less than three weeks. After it was announced that she would be Biden's running mate, many people were celebrating the historic milestone of having a black and South Asian woman on a major party ticket. Although as you might expect, President Trump had a slightly different take. Reaction was quick at the White House, where President Trump used his daily coronavirus briefing to bash Biden's choice. She was extraordinarily nasty to Cavano, Judge Cabinot then, now Justice Cavano.

I thought she was the meanest, the most horrible, most disrespectful of anybody in the U.S. Senate. Despite claiming he wanted Biden to pick Harris, President Trump says he surprised Biden actually did, after that heated primary debate. She was probably nastier than even Pocahontas to Joe Biden. She was very disrespectful to Joe Biden. She said things during the debates during the Democrat primary debates that were horrible about Sleepy Joe and I would

think that he wouldn't have picked. Yeah, she was so horrible to Sleepy Joe and that loser deserves so much more respect than that. Like is Trump attacking or defending Joe Biden? I can't tell. You know I thought this election would be Trump versus Joe Biden. Now I think we could just lock Trump in a room and let him hash it out by himself. What did me say to me? Me heard me. I mean, of all people, Donald Trump should totally understand how you can be with a woman who's publicly humiliated you. He also shouldn't be surprised that past enemies can become your friends. I mean, look who he's th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi. theeeiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii. thiiiii. thi. thi, thi, thi, thi friends. I mean, look who he's been working with. Ted Cruz, who called him a pathological liar and a narcissist. Lindsay Graham, who said he was a bigot and a nut job who was destroying the Republican Party. Marco Rubio, who called

him a con artist and said he had a small dick. And of course Jared Kushner, who selfishly married the love of Trump's life. That's right, man. We ain't never gonna forget. If anything, Kamala Harris on the ticket with Joe Biden is a genius move by the former VP, because not only does she tick a bunch of boxes, but clearly conservatives are going to struggle to put her in one. Joe Biden is running on the most radical platform of any candidate from any major party in US.S. history. Now with the most radical running mate ever. She doesn't really have core beliefs.

Her record as attorney general is absolutely abysmal by fighting to keep inmates locked prison. As a prosecutor in San Francisco, she allowed, well, scores of violent criminals to walk free. Did you know that Kamala Harris has a higher rating from the Police Association in 2019 than from the ACLU? She is soft on crime. She has no friend of the police. Harris clearly wasn't picked for her personal charm.

She's very telegenic. I get that the media will say she's very hip. I think that the pick was somewhat surprising. I think that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that thiiii thii thii the the the the was somewhat surprising. I think it was a kind of a boring pick. I think everybody was expecting Biden to pick Kamala. Oh, man. Poor Republicans, they're so confused. Kamala is like their version of that green needle brainstorm meme. Honestly, it's kind of cute watching Republicans flail around, trying to figure out

the right talking points. You know, it's like when a litter of puppies is born, but they haven't they haven't, they they haven't, they they they thua, thui, thui, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, their, thi, thi, thi, th. their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, the right talking points. You know it's like when a litter of puppies is born, but they haven't opened their eyes yet. And look, they better figure this shit out soon, or else their attack ads are going to be really unconvincing. Joe Biden has picked Kamala Harris. But who is Kamala Harris? She hates the police. Except for the times that she loves the police.

She's also soft on drug crime. But is too tough on drug crime sometimes? She's black. But also Indian. Is that even allowed? Kamala Harris. We haven't decided why she's bad yet, but we already paid for this hat. I'm Donald Trump and I'm confused by this message. With a presidential election right around the corner, the big question is no longer, will Donald Trump try to cheat?

It's now become, how will Donald Trump try to cheat? And with more Americans than ever expected to vote by mail due to coronavirus, it looks like he's zeroing in on his plan. President Trump is stepping up his effort to discredit mail-in voting as vulnerable to fraud, ramping up attacks on Twitter and on television. I think mail-in voting is going to rig the election. They want to steal an election. That's all this is all about. They want to steal the election.

There is no way you can go through a mail-in vote without massive cheating. Democrats are pushing to expand mail-in voting and change existing voting to make it easier for people to cast ballots at home because of the coronavirus. The president wants his political allies to fight back against that, and they have now pledged $20 million for that effort. For real? Only Donald Trump is weird enough to have beef with the mail. Every day he's less and less like a president and more like a neighbor in a sitcom.

God damn you mailman! I mean, this guy is spending $20 million to sue mail-in voting. Normally when Trump spends that much money suing you, it's because you've seen him naked. I know what you saw last summer. You can't tell anybody. You can't tell them about this thing that I got. So even though the president and almost everyone in his administration votes by mail, clearly he thinks that letting everybody else do it would be bad for his re-election. And because lawsuits alone won't stop mail in voting, the other part of Trump's

plan is to just stop the mail. Tonight, a backlog of undelivered mail is piling up in post offices around the country. Workers are blaming the new postmaster general, a top Republican campaign donor who has given more than $1.1 million to the Trump Victory Fund. Lewis DeJoy forced cost-cutting measures leading to undelivered mail piling up at post offices across the country. And CBS News confirm this internal postal service directive that thiiiiiiiiii. thi. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. tr. tr. tr. tr. tr. tr. tr. tr. tr. tr. tr. tr. tr. tr. tr. tr. tr. tr. tr. tr. tr. tr. tr. tr. tr. tr. tr. tr. tr. tr. tr. tr. tr. tr. the the tr. the the the the the the the the the the tr. tr. tr. tr. tr. tr. tr. tr. tr. tr. tr. tr. tr. tr. tr. tr. tr. tr. tr. tr. tr. tr. tr. tr. tr. tr. tr. tr. tru. tru. tru. tru. tru. tru. tru. tru. tru. tru. tru. tru. tr. tr. tr. up at post offices across the country. And CBS News confirmed this internal postal service directive that outlines an operational pivot, saying extra trips to deliver mail are no longer authorized, and that we may see mail left behind, or mail on the workroom floor or docks, which is not typical. The service insists it's not intending to slow down any delivery or risk any election mail.

But the stakes are high for the USPS to follow through on its promise of on-time delivery. 32 states currently will not count ballots that arrive after election day, even if postmarked earlier. Wow. Even if you mail your ballot in on time, 32 states won't count them if the post office gets them in late. And that doesn't sound like an election. That sounds like what happened to me in high school.

Yeah, I gave my friend a love letter to pass to my crush. But then he decided to skip third period instead. So she never got my letter. So she went to prom with another guy. And they ended up up getting married married their their their their their their their their their their their their their their she went to prom with another guy. And then they ended up getting married and having a kid. So that should have been my kid. And that's what I told the cops. They made me give the kid back anyways.

And that's why you got to defund the police. So look, if Trump and his cronies are trying to I hate to say it, folks, but we have to let Bed Bath and Beyond run mail in voting. Because no matter how much I try to stop them, I keep getting those coupons in the mail. It's ridiculous. I don't need all of this mail. I don't need to know that there's 35% of shower curtains. Oh, shit! It was expired. Anyway. So, Trump has been on a crusade against mail-in ballots. And then, he installed a close political ally who just happened to start slowing down the mail,

which means that come November, a lot of votes that are supposed to make it by Election Day might not. It also means that in the meantime, all the other mail is getting delayed, and it's having a huge effect on people's lives. In some parts of the country, customers are waiting weeks for their mail. These neighbors in Chicago's Dunning neighborhood want consistent U.S. Postal Service mail delivery. Susan Carter says, mail is delivered it comes late and sometimes it's not theirs. I just think the system fell apart and I don't think they care about us. All that stuff that's important to you that nobody else should be in get. Maybe going to somebody else's house.

In Baltimore people waited two hours in hopes of getting their mail that never showed up. Many aren't getting bills and paychecks on time, putting a strain on their homes and businesses. Survived the COVID, survived everything. The only thing I didn't survive was the mail. As a veteran myself, I get medication through the mail. I rely on that. And not to have it when I need it,

that's a travesty to a battery. Yeah, you see? A lot of people think that mail is just a waste of paper, credit cards that they're not going to sign up for and ads for shit that they're not going to buy. But for many, many people, that's how they get their medicine. It's how they communicate with family members in prison. And for many areas of the only way they can receive mail. So the mail might mean nothing to you, but it means everything to some people.

Think of it like a Wilson volleyball. It might not mean anything to you. But when Tom Hanks got trapped on that island, it was his everything. Do you think he was fucking that volleyball? Nah. So look, it's becoming clear as a day, that unless Trump changes his mind on the post office,

just like every other Trump business, it could be doomed. So, maybe to save themselves, the Postal Service should do what every foreign dictator does. Flatter the shit out of Trump. Are you a Trump supporter who needs to mail your electricity bill or an angry letter to CNN? Then you're in luck. Introducing the new President Trump commemorative stamps. Specifically designed by the U.S. Postal Service in a desperate attempt to earn his approval,

each stamp commemorates one of our president's great achievements. Like the time President Trump defeated the sun in a staring contest, or the night that President Trump personally killed Osama bin Laden. And true collectors will cherish the night that President Trump personally killed Osama bin Laden. And true collectors will cherish the stamp featuring President Trump's stunning cameo in the WOP video. And if you order now, you also receive a booklet of Mike Penn Stamps that you can pace next to Trump so he can forever gaze adoringly at the greatest president of our lifetime. Mike Penn stamps have no value. So order now. These stamps will only run until November 3rd, or maybe 2024. We'll see what

happens. When 60 Minutes premiered in September 1968, there was nothing like it. This is 60 Minutes. It's a kind of a magazine for television. Very few have been given access to the treasures in our archives. But that's all about to change. Like, none of this stuff gets looked at. That's what's incredible. I'm Seth Done of CBS News.

Listen to 60 Minutes, a second look, starting September 17th, wherever you get your podcasts. Tuesday was a big day for the 2020 presidential campaign. It's the day that Mike Pence got a brand new tattoo. But also, Joe Biden announced Kamila Harris as his running mate. And yesterday, Kamila wasted no time getting into the fight. Harris also signaled she'll do what vice presidential running mates usually do. Aggressively attack the other side. The case against Donald Trump and Mike Pence is open and shut.

His refusal to get testing up and running. His flip-flopping on social distancing and wearing masks. His delusional belief that he knows better than the experts. All of that is reason. And the reason that an American better than the experts. All of that is reason, and the reason that an American dies of COVID-19 every 80 seconds. Damn, that was brutal. And you know it probably ruined Trump's day. Why is Omarosa being so nasty to me?

And why is she friends with Biden. What happened folks? But just as Kamala immediately went on the attack, conservative media immediately started taking their own shots at her. I wouldn't trust Kamala Harris. I think she's very ambitious. She's a very mean person. Nobody likes her. We have a sort of a mad woman, I call her because she was so angry and such hatred with Justice Kavanaugh. I mean, I've never seen anything like it.

She seems to come across as a bit abrasive as the president mentioned. I know if she can warm things up and be a little more charming. I would describe her as a congresswoman, Ocasio Cortez, but smarter and without the bartending experience. She might look like the full package, but when it comes to people judging her, especially women, I think they feel there's no warmth there. Yeah, you know what? Fox News has a really good point here.

Americans always want their leaders to be warm. I mean, that's why Trump won. The dude's so warm he sweats his makeup off. And I really don't get the criticism that that that that that Came that Came that Came that Came that Came that Came that Cam mean that's why Trump won. The dude's so warm he sweats his makeup off. And I really don't get the criticism that Kamala is too ambitious. I mean, how do you get on a presidential ticket if you're not ambitious? What, you think you're going to be sitting at home on the couch and then the DNC's going to come knocking on the door like, sir, put down that joint. But the big that that thion thion thion thine thine thine thine thine thine th is thine th is thine th is the to be the thus to be thus to be thus to be thus to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be the. to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be the. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. to th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. theeean. theean. tom. tf. toe. tom. toe. toe. to. to. the. the. the. the. We need you in the White House. But the big question is, why is it that when female candidates run for office, the media starts to bring up troops and stereotypes that they don't bring up for male candidates?

Well, to help us figure that out, we're joined by our very own Dulce-Sloan. Dulce, first off, thank you for taking the time to join us today. Taking the time, Trevor is Corona. What else was I using my time for? Before you called, I was organizing my closet in alphabetical order. Blouses, partigands, dresses. You get it. Wait, what? Who organizes their closet by alphabet? Shouldn't you do it by color?

Okay, clearly you're still suffering from apartheid thinking, true. Okay, well, the the the the the the they, they, they, they, they, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th. th. th. thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, th. th. th. th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th. We's, th. We's, th. We's, th. We's, th. We's, th. We's, th. We's. We's. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. t. t. ta, ta, tod. today, today, today, together. together. together. together, together, together, together, together. together. together. together. tod well, either way Dorset, I appreciate you, because I'm trying to figure out the media's coverage of Kamila Harris. Like, what do you make of it? Same bullshit as always, Trevor. Female candidates get covered less like politicians and more like Miss Universe contestants. How does she smile? Did she look good in a dress? Well, Steve Harvey get her name right? Yeah, but why do you think the media has this double standard in politics?

Politics? Negro, this double standard is everywhere. Have you not been paying attention to this wet-ass pussy controversy? Oh, you mean like why Kiley Jenna was in the video? No, ain't nobody talking about that goofy ass, girl, you're silly man. No, I'm not talking about the song. I'm talking about why people are talking about the song Cardi B and Macon these stallion have given us a sex positive song in the summer Celebrating women owning their sexuality something men have been doing since Adam ate that apple in the garden eating and got his first boner Uh, Dulce, I don't remember that part in the Bible The point is male musicians talk about sex all the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the their their their their their their th their th th th thi thi thi thi. I thi. I thi. I thi. I thi. I thi. thi. I thi. thi. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. their their their their their their the. the. the. the. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. I's is. I's is. I's is. I's is. I's is. I's thi. I's thi. I's the. I's the. I'm the. I'm ta. I'm ta. ta. ta. ta'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a' ta' ta' thea' that part in the Bible. The point is, male musicians talk about sex all the time, talking about their hard dicks

and skeetting everywhere, but when women do it, people are like, this is vulgar, inappropriate. What about the children that look up to them? Who cares about them damn children? Cardi B and Megan Stallion are not your nannies. I know it's confusing. You see two women of color in a really nice house and you assume Aiden and McKenzie are just off screen with their Mandarin tutor. But it's a huge double standard, Trevor. Okay, Dulce, but to play devil's advocate, you have to admit it's a really graphic song. Trevor, only in a repressed, patriarchal society would people consider a woman's pleasure, graphic.

Men don't have to censor their pleasure. Drake and Bruno Mars can sing about eating pussy and getting hard, but they still get invited to things giving dinner. But if Cardi B does it, she's a flat, who's taken down society. Well, you know, there is another thing. I mean, there's something about rap that as soon as some white people hear it, it sounds graphic, you know,

just because it's rap. I could be like, it's really cool to stay in school, and then some white people would be like, whoa, whoa, whoa, calm down, sir. So there's always a chance that the problem wasn't the message as much as the fact that it's hip hop. Okay, first of all, don't ever do that again. Listen, that was offensive for a whole different reason. No, no, I was just trying to show like, when you say something with the flow, how it goes.

No, no, no, no, no, mm-mm, whatever it was, whatever it was, the same lyrics, all these men would still be upset. The point is the same lyrics, all these men would still be upset. I don't know, I don't know about that dulcet, like, I feel like now you're turning it into like a hypothetical argument,

oh, what people's reaction would be if a country music star, like we don't know. No, you don't know, but I called my girl Margot Price is a Grammy nominated country star to help me prove my point Come on Margo. Take it away Look I need a Hearthead I need a deep stroke. I need a head me to drink. I need a weed smoker not a godist. I need a king cobra Put a hook in him, opening no blood.

He's got some wood baby, that's where I'm heading. Pussy ain't one, baby, just like his credit. I've got a beard, well now I'm trying to wet it. Let him taste him now, he's diabetic. I don't want to sweat. I want to go.'t want to split. I want to go. I want a gag. I want to choke. Wanting to touch the little dangling things

the swings in the back of my throat. Head game is fire. Kunaidea sunny. It's going in and driving, baby, coming out, soggy. Ride that thing like the cops here's behind me. Spit on this mic and now you're trying to sign me. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. Ficking is some red-ass miss, babe. Bring me fucking this, a wet ass, pussy, babe. Bring me a bucket in a mine.

Fittest, wettest, pussy, baby. Give me everything you got. Give me everything you got. Give me everything you got. Give me everything, everything, everything, everything you've got. Fathers, wet as possible. We'll see how they like that one, Dulce. Damn, Dulce. That was actually amazing. I mean, it's still graphic, but that was amazing.

How did you get Mogo Price to do that? You don't know me, Trevor. You think I'd spend all day sitting at home organizing my closets? I'm doing things baby, which reminds me, I gotta find something that starts with cheap. Bye. Let's begin with another important story about race in America. Now this is a story all about how one young man's life got flipped turned upside down and I'd like to take a minute just sit right there I'll tell you about how this man became the prince of a town called Bel Air. Now if you're saying hey Trevor come on that's a sitcom no it's deadly serious. And the fresh prince of Belair is getting a dramatic makeover. You're going to Bel Air to live with your uncle and your auntie.

According to the Hollywood reporter, Will Smith is teaming up with Morgan Cooper to create a new show based on Cooper's viral YouTube trailer he created last year that reimagines the beloved 1990s comedy as a modern-day drama. Smith is on board to produce and Cooper will co-write and direct the reboot. Okay, I'm going to be honest. I don't know how to feel about this, because yes, the trailer looks amazing, but that's just the trailer. I'm worried there's a lot of other moments from the original show that might not work in a drama. I don't care what you say. There is no way to make Coulton's dancing dramatic. And I know this this thistried. You see? Plus, I would. You see?

Plus, I would argue that the original fresh prince already had a lot of drama. I mean, Carlton had a tryna. I mean, Carlton had a pregnancy scare, Jeffrey almost got deported, and overnight, they switched dark skin Aunt Viv for Light Skin to Viv. That shit was traumatic as hell. But look, I get it. Hollywood is experiencing a lot of success

with dramatic gritty reboots. You know, Joker, Riverdale, so Fresh Prince makes sense. In fact, I'm not going to complain on the to cs, to cs, to cs, to cs, to c her, the tha, to c of, tha, to tha, to to to tha, to I'm not gonna complain, I'm gonna cash in on this. I'm pitching my own dramatic reboot of SpongeBob SquarePants. Do you know why I live in a pineapple under the sea? Why, SpongeBob? Because a mango killed my father! Let's move on now from the world of fiction to a story you'll wish wasn't real.

Congress is about to get even crazier. In Georgia, far-right GOP candidate, Marjorie Taylor Green has won her primary. She has ties with Q&ON, an online conspiracy theory group that the FBI labeled a potential domestic terrorism threat. The businesswoman's come under fire for making racist, anti-Semitic and anti-Muslim comments. She's also listed on the Southern Poverty Law Center's hate watch. She's been endorsed by a man with ties to local white supremacists. And she's a believer in the few went on conspiracy that centers on a person who posts Q, the the the president, quietly, to, to, to, the, the, the, the, and, the, and, and, the, and, the, and, the, the, and, and, the, and, and, and, the, the, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, their, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is the, is the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the a revolution against the quote Deep State and everyone's going to be put in jail. That's right. A Q&N conspiracy theorist is about to become a member of Congress.

And if you're wondering, what's Q&N on? Well, it's a movement that believes that Hollywood and the Democratic Party are actually a secret worldwide child sex trafficking ring whose members harvest the blood of children for its life-extending properties and that the only person protecting the world from this evil is Donald Trump. So let me get this straight. On the one hand, the Democratic Party is so smart and powerful that they can run a secret shadow organization. But they're also stupid enough to be outsm run a secret shadow organization. Moha ha ha!

But they're also stupid enough to be outsmarted by Donald Trump. Also, Donald Trump was B.F.F.s. with Jeffrey Epstein, aka the White Arkelli. So, how the hell is he going to protect something that he's a part of? I mean, that's like Cardi B. Trying to protect the world from people who make bird sounds, a gr-rr. And another dumb thing about this conspiracy? Why would any sane adults think that drinking children's blood could have the power to make you younger? Guys, everyone knows you can only get younger by drinking the blood of Paul Rudd.

Rudd, blood. The secret to having an adult baby face forever. Before we go, I wanted to remind you that there are a lot of groups out there right now tho, who tho, who th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, th. to, to, and, to, and, to, to, to, to, and, thi, the the th. th. th. th. th. to, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the, the, the, the, the, the. thean, thr-a. thr-augh, thr-a, thr-a, thr-a, thr-a, thr-a. thr-a, thr-a, thrto remind you that there are a lot of groups out there right now who are working to protect and advance voting rights for the elections in November. Now, one of these organizations is the Alliance for Youth Organizing, which is a national network of local youth-led organizations mobilizing to get people to vote. Now, if you can help them and you'd like to join in their cause, then please visit the link below and YouTube for exclusive content and more. This has been a Comedy Central podcast. When 60 Minutes premiered in September 1968, there was nothing like it. This is 60 Minutes. It's a kind of a magazine for television.

Very few have been given access to the treasures in our archives. But that's all about to change. Like none of this stuff gets looked at. That's what's incredible. I'm Seth Done of CBS News. Listen to 60 Minutes, a second look on Apple podcasts starting September 17.