The Daily Show: Ears Edition - Last Week's Top Stories - Federal Agents in Portland, OR & Trump Floats Delaying the 2020 Election

Episode Date: August 3, 2020

President Trump dismisses calls to withdraw federal troops from Portland, OR, Tom Cotton opposes a 1619 Project-inspired curriculum, and Trump calls to delay the election. Learn more about your ad-choices at https://www.iheartpodcastnetwork.comSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

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Very few have been given access to the treasures in our archives. You're rolling. But that's all about to change. Like none of this stuff gets looked at that's what's incredible. I'm Seth Done of CBS News, listened to 60 Minutes, a second look on Apple podcasts starting September 17th. An update on the protests that have been shaking Portland. Just moments ago, the governor of Oregon says federal agents are looking at leaving the city in a quote, phased withdrawal. Those were the governor's words. However, this was President Trump appearing to dismiss that idea this morning.

We have all sorts of reports about us leaving. We're not leaving until they secured their city. If they don't secure their city soon, we have no choice, we're going to have to go in and clean it out. You want to clean out Portland? Well, that's a good idea. I mean, you guys left a lot of tear gas canisters and flash grenades lying around the place. Look, this Portland thing's been especially scary for black people. I mean, Portland is the whitest city in America and they're still sending in federal troops

to use overwhelming force. I mean, if that's what they're willing to do there, who knows what they're willing to do to minority groups? It's like seeing a white person kick a golden retriever. Yo, if that dog isn't, you know, one thing that's weird's's's seeing how enthusiastic so many conservatives have been about sending federal troops to arrest American citizens. Because for years, that is one of the things they were most afraid of. In fact, back in 2014, President Obama deployed federal agents to confront a group of ranchers who were trespassing on federal land. And, well, just check out how different the response was back then. The president is expanding the effort to protect federal property in Portland.

Portly now sending 100 more agents. Operation Legend is a beginning. It's greatly needed in all of these cities. I am having a hard time understanding why the government would create a confrontation like this. The government has gone way overboard here and I think they need to pull back fast. The city of Portland has been under siege. Federal DHS and DOJ officers and agents have been deployed to keep the mobs in check. As we watch that estimated 200 federal agents and local law enforcement surround the ranch. The word of this evening is tyranny as in the arbitrary unrestrained

exercise of power. When somebody looks at lawlessness and says it's a local problem, you can do that to dismiss all bad behaviors, even though there's some lawlessness involved here, it's, oh, the inclination is to be for the individual, even if the individual may have broken some laws. For more than a month, mobs of violent crazy people have roamed this country, terrorizing citizens. It's the armed the armed the armed the armed the armed the armed the armed the armed the armed the armed the armed the armed the armed the armed the armed the armed the armed the armed the a the a the a the a the a the a the citizens. It's the armed agents who are scarier, and so how could you look at this and say,

Clive and Bundy's the one who threatens America? When the DHS deployed federal law enforcement officials to protect the city's federal buildings, they were accused of, quote, acting like an occupying army. The federal government needs to pull back, they need to think about what is the end game here? Are they willing to tase people, fight people? I saw one picture of a bloodied up woman, an elderly woman that was thrown to the ground. 200 agents, snipers, surrounding a ranch.

Seems a little over the top to me. It's over the top. It's very strong. Huh. I wonder what the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th is is is very the th is very thii is very thiq is very thoomk is very thoomk. to to to is. tooom is. tooom is very tooes. tooom, it's. tooes. too. too. tooes. tooes. tooes. tooes. tooes. tooes. tooes. tooes. tooes. tooes. tooes. too. too. too. too. too. It's to. It's to. to. It's to. It's to. It's tap is very tap. tap. tap. tap. tap. tap. tap. tap. tap. t. t. t. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to was between now and black then. I guess we'll never know. Recently some school districts have decided that they'll be teaching a unit on early American history based on the New York Times 1619 project, which illustrates how the founding of this country is inextricably tied to the institution of slavery. But now, there's one US senator who is objecting in the strongest and also, possibly stupidest terms. Arkansas Senator Tom Cotton, getting backlash for saying that the founding fathers thought

slavery was a, quote, necessary evil. Tom Cotton wrote, as the founding father said, slavery was the necessary evil upon which the Union was built. The comment came during a conversation about race at education. Senator Cotton wants to defund the 1619 Project curriculum, a New York Times program with the goal of reexamining the legacy of slavery in our country. He says the curriculum is racially divisive. Hold up, hold up, hold up. Hold up. Hold up. So Senator Cotton thinks that this curriculum is racially divisive? Really, this curriculum?

Yo, you know what's really racially divisive? Slavery. Why would you play that now? What are you doing? This guy acts like racial division doesn't exist until slavery gets taught in school. As if the black and white kids are in school like, La la la, we love everybody. All right everybody, today we're going to learn about slavery.

Yo, what the fuck did you do to us? And here's the thing. People are upset because when Cotton says that slavery was a necessary evil on which the Union was built, it sounds like he's defending slavery, right? And that's not something a US senator should do, even if his name is Cotton. I mean, how's he going to stay objective? I get it. But if you dig deeper and you take Cotton at his word, right, he believes that the United States could not have become the country that it is without slavery, well, that's the same thing that the 1619 project says.

So, why is he fighting them? You guys don't need a fight, you agree on the same thing. This is like when Ken and Ryu would fight in Street Fighter. I mean, you both agree on Haddo Ken, you both agree on Sure You Can. I mean, why are you even mad? And you might be thinking. Senator Cotton wants schools to teach a less racially divisive version of slavery, then why doesn't he introduce his own lesson plan? Well, good news.

With our help, he already did. Are you tired of school lesson plans that teach slavery in a racially divisive way? Then introduce your school to the Tom Cotton lesson plan for slavery? The only lesson plan that teaches slavery without mentioning race. With Senator Cotton, your students will learn that in 1619 some Americans were slaves to other Americans. That over time, more slaves were brought from one of the seven continents chosen at random, and that the Civil War ended slavery for both blacks and whites. Students will also learn that this all happened a long time ago, which means it has no relevance

to anything happening today. So buy the Tom Cotton's Slavery Lesson Plan today. Order now and we'll include Tom Cotton's lesson plan for the Civil Rights Movement, letting whites sit in the back of the bus. Some good news from Hollywood. The only city that's got a name tag in case you forget where to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to the the the to the the the the the the to the the the the to to to the to the to thi the the anything anything anything anything to to to to that's got a name tag in case you forget where you are. Yesterday, the 2020 Emmy nominations were announced, and it was an especially great day for black performers who got a record 34% of the nominations, which is huge and well deserved.

But it's still not enough. That's right, I won't be satisfied until black people get 100% of the nominations. Yeah, you heard me. We're coming for you, white people. In fact, we want every role to be played by a black actor. I won't be happy until Kevin Hart is playing Queen Elizabeth in the crown. Mm-hmm. Let me tell you some, Prince Charles.

You ain't shit, okay? I'm a queen. You ain't shit. Obviously, I'm joking, guys. It really is great to see black performers getting the recognition they deserve. And that's all black people want. And we at the Daily Show are extra grateful, because once again, we were nominated, and so to say thank you so much. Without you, there would be no show, and no one would be tweeting me

to criticize my apartment decor. I see you, internet, and you hurt my feelings. But let's move on to the ongoing tensions between the United States and China. First, there was a fierce battle over trade. Then the US began blaming China for the coronavirus. And last week, the State Department Department to to to to to to to to to to theea thea thea thea theate, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, the, the, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, than, than, than, than, than, than, than, than, than, than, thean, thean, thean, thi.. theanan, thean, the week, the State Department expelled Chinese diplomats from a consulate in Texas claiming that they were using it for spying, which then caused China to shut down an American embassy in response. And I mean, all of that is basically the diplomatic equivalent of unfollowing each

other on Instagram. So, with all of this going on, it's no surprise that this story has people freaking out. Now, to a growing mystery surrounding unsolicited packages of seeds randomly being sent to Americans across the country. Agriculture officials are warning residents if you didn't order the seeds, do not plant them. The packages appear to have originated in China. Uh, okay, this is really bizarre. People all across America are getting unexpected packages of seeds in the mail from China.

And what's even stranger is that some people might actually be planting them? Who just gets an unexpected packet of seeds in the mail and goes, well, I wasn't planning on planting any mystery vegetables in my backyard, but now it would be rude not to plant them? Haven't people learned anything from Jack and the beanstalk? You can't just go around planting random shit that people give you. Because then, before you know it, you're climbing up a giant beanstalk into the sky, and then you're killing a giant. And now you want it for giant murder. And so now you have to change your identity and pretend that you're some South African host of a late night show. And you know what? I've already said too much. Now I'm not going to lie. When I first heard the story, I didn't know what to think.

I mean, why would China be sending random packets of seeds to Americans? Like what, in three months are those seeds to bloom into Chinese soldiers? But it turns out, the real explanation might not have anything to do with espionage. Basically, Chinese businesses could be sending seeds to people in America simply as a way to generate a fake sale and fake positive reviews which then boost their online ratings, which to me seems like a waste of time. I mean, it's really easy to spot a fake positive review online,

because every positive review is fake. People only write reviews when they're pissed off. Nobody's taking the time to go on Amazon-like, broomworks as advertised, pushes dirt from one spot to another. Five stars. Either way, the joke's on you, China. Because plants have been the only thing keeping me company the last few months. Yeah, you're just sending me new friends. Isn't that right, Jeremy? Plants have been the only thing keeping me company the last few months. Yeah, you're just sending me new friends.

Isn't that right, Jeremy? Jeremy, you take that all-lives matter bullshit out of your mouth before I kick you out of the house. It's not cool, man. Moving on to today's big tech news. While Jeff Bezos is testifying recently named her the third richest woman in America, but now she's working hard on moving down the list. Mackenzie Scott, who used to be married to Jeff Bezo, says she's donated 1.7 billion dollars to causes that she believes are important to her. The money will go to more than 100 organizations.

In nine areas of need, that includes racial and LGBTQ equality. Scott, who changed her name to her middle name following her divorce, received a quarter of Bezos's shares when they divorced. And that was worth $35 billion at the time. Damn, $1.7 billion donated to charity. It's almost like McKenzie Scott is determined to be the anti-Bezos. She's woke, she doesn't hoard her money, and she has a full head of hair. I guess the only downside is if she ever starts a home delivery service, nothing you

order will ever arrive in time. And you know, it's great that she's being this charitable because $35 billion is a shit ton of money. Like she's so rich that when she checks the balance on her phone, she has to turn it sideways. And when you're in landscape mode, you're rich, rich. And you know the best part is you can't even say that she's donating all this money for the tax right off, because billionaires don't pay taxes. Speaking of billionaires who lose money, toldn. Trump. Unlike every other American president, he's been oddly chilled out about Russian aggression towards the US. And now he's basically giving a giant shrug to one of Russia's deadliest schemes yet. It's been widely reported that the

US has intelligence indicating that Russia paid bounties or offered to pay bounties to Taliban fighters to kill American soldiers. You had a phone call with Vladimir Pousin on July 23rd. Did you bring up this issue? No, that was a phone call to discuss other things. And you've never discussed it with it. I have never discussed it with them now. It never reached my desk. You know, it never reached my desk. You know, because they didn't think it was intelligence. They didn't think it was real. It was in your written brief. Do you read your written brief. Do you read. their their their their their their their. Do you. Do you. Do you. Do you. Do you. Do you. Do you. Do you. Do you. Do you. Do you. their their their their their their their their their their. Do their their. Do. Do you. Do you. Do. Do. Do. Do. Do. Do. Do. Do. Do. Do. I their. I their. I their. I their. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It th. It th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the the the the the the the th. I a lot. You know, I read a lot. They like to say it or read. I read a lot. I comprehend extraordinarily well. Okay. First of all, I actually believe Trump when he says that this intelligence briefing never reached his desk. Because, I mean, his desk is so full of Goya beans, where were they going to put the files?

But it is bizarre that Trump is the most impulsive president ever, except when it comes to Russia. I mean, I the the the the the th th th th th th th th thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. I thi. I do thi. I do thi. I do thi. I thi. I thi. I thi. I thi. I thi. I thi. I the, I the, I the, I the, I the, I the, I the, I the, I thu. I the, I th. I the, I th. I the, I the, I the, I do, I do thi. I do the. I do the. I doe. I doean. I doean. I doean. I tean. I tean. I tean. try. today try. try. I try. I today, I tulsive president ever, except when it comes to Russia. I mean, people are protesting against the police and he's like, we got to send in the troops, break it up people, we got to destroy them. But when Russia is putting bounties on American troops, he's like, they're only lashing out because we hurt them. Like Dr. Jen says, hurt people, hurt people. I mean, I guess I can't th th th I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't. I can't. I can't. I can't. I can't. I can't. I can't. I can't. I can't. I can't. I can't. I can't. I can't. I can't. I can't. I can't. I can't. I can't. I can't. I can't. I can't. I can't. I can't. I can't. I can't. I can't. I can't. I can't. I can't. I can't. I can't. I can't. I can't. I that. I that. I that. I that. I that. I that. I guess. I guess I guess I guess I guess I guess I guess I guess I guess I th. I guess I guess I th. I guess I th. I th. I guess I t. I t. I t. I tr. I tr. I tr. I tr. I that. I mean, I guess I can't understand where Trump is coming from. It is super awkward bringing up to your buddy how he put a bounty on your soldier's heads. You know, you're talking sports, you're talking chicks.

You don't want to ruin the vibe with how he's spearheading a campaign to compensate enemy combatants for killing your troops. Zero chill, man, zero chill. Finding great candidates to hire can be like a to to the to to their. toe. their, thiii. thi. thi. thi. thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, true, thi, thi, thi, true, try, try, try, tr-a, tr-a, tr-a, tr-a, tr-up, tr-up, tr-up, tr-up, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, zero chill. Finding great candidates to hire can be like trying to find a needle in a haystack. You might get a lot of resumes, but not enough candidates with the right skills or experience. But not with Zip Recruiter. Zip Recruiter finds amazing candidates for you fast. And right now you can try it for free at Zip Recruiter. Smart technology identifies top talent for your roles quickly. Immediately after you post your job, Zip Recruiter's powerful matching technology starts showing you qualified people for it,

and you can use Zip Recruiter's pre-written invite to apply message to personally reach out to your favorite candidates and encourage them to apply sooner. Ditch the other hiring sites and let Zip Recruiter find what you're looking for, the needle in the hay ack. Four out of five employers who post on Zip Recruiter get a quality candidate within the first day. Try it for free at this exclusive web address. Zip Recruiter.com slash zip. Again, that's Zip Recruiter.com. Zip Recruiter, the smartest way to hire. When 60 Minutes premiered in September 1968, there was nothing like it. This is 60 Minutes.

It's a kind of a magazine for television. Very few have been given access to the treasures in our archives. But that's all about to change. Like none of this stuff gets looked at. That's what's incredible. I'm Seth Done of CBS News. Listen to 60 Minutes, a second look, starting September 17th, wherever you get your podcasts. With the economy in crisis mode and deaths continuing to soar, obviously this is all bad for President Trump's re-election hopes.

And today, Trump came up with a brilliant new strategy for the election. Just don't have one. Fox News Alert, some breaking news this hour, a tweet from the White House, President Trump tweeting out a short time ago on the upcoming presidential election. With universal mail-in voting, not absentee voting, which is good, 2020 will be the most inaccurate and fraudulent election in history. It will be a great embarrassment to the USA. Delay the election until people can properly, securely and safely vote, question marks.

To be very clear, the President cannot do that. The Constitution is unambiguous about this, that Congress, not a president who may have their own self-interest in mind, gets to decide when the leader of the United States is elected. And to his other point, there is no evidence, of course, of widespread voter fraud through mail-in voting, even in states with all mail-in votes. That's right. Trump isn't actually allowed to delay the election, although not being allowed to do something has never stopped him before. Like, we'll still have the election on November 3rd, but he'll probably just add 100 days to August.

And sure, maybe the court overturns it, but that might not happen until August 73. And I mean, this is an absurd suggestion. I know. We can't reschedule the election. For starters, both candidates are like 200 years old. I mean, we've got to keep things moving. I'm not even sure that Trump understands what an alarming proposal this is. Because this is basically the move of a dictator. But Trump is just casually throwing it out there in a tweet with a bunch of question marks. Like he's on a group text try to bail on happy hour. Hey y' th, y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y y' th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th-i-i-i-i-i-i--s, thu-s, th-s, th-------------------------------------s th-s th-s th-s th-s th-s th-s th-s th-s th-s th-s th-s th-s th-s th-s th-s th-s th-s th-s th-s. th-s. th-s. th-s. th-s. th-s'au-s'er-s'er-s'au-s'au-s'au-s'au-s'au-s'a'era'era'er-s'er-s'er-s. we resched for 2021. Thoughts? What do you guys think? Huh?

And just by the way, you remember a few years ago when I said Trump was an African dictator? You remember that? Yeah? Yeah? People acted like I was crazy. But this is how it starts. First, they just suggest that maybe you postpone the election. Then they suggest that some of the votes are not valid. And pretty soon they're saying, you know what's really unfair? That there are two political parties. Why are the two political parties? Let's just have one.

Then you don't have to worry about making all these decisions anymore. America is mad. Oh, and by the way, I don't know if you remember, but throwns to delay the election. And this is how Trump reacted back then. I never even thought of changing the date of the election. Why would I do that? November 3rd.

It's a good number. Now, I look forward to that election. And that was just made up propaganda. Oh, I love me some fake Trump outrage. How dare you? I won't sink that low for at least th of th of th of th of tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho thoom. thoom. thoom. thoome. thi. thoom-a. thoom- th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thoom. thoom. thi. thi. th. th. th. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's th. It's. It's thi. It's thi. It's thi. It's a thi. It's a thi. thi. thi. the. to. the. the. the. thi. the. thi. thi. thi. thi. It's three more months. And just by the way, November 3rd is a good number? What does that have to do with anything? Elections aren't decided based on whether the date is a cool number. If it was, every election would be held on June 9th.

Nice. But look, regardless of his insane tweets, the chances are that Trump will not be able to move the election, which means he's going to have have have have have have have have have to have to have have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the the the the the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the the, the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th.. th. the. the. the. the. the. the. thro. thean. the. the. thr-n thro. thi. thi. the. thi. ets, the chances are that Trump will not be able to move the election, which means he's going to have to come up with a plan to win it the old-fashioned way, by using racism. President Trump is facing scrutiny for his words about affordable housing and the suburbs. He made the comments while discussing the rollback of a housing to fight racial discrimination as Trump works to court white suburban voters. There will be no more low-income housing forced in to the suburbs. I abandoned and took away and just rescinded the rule. The Obama-era rule forced local governments that receive federal housing funds to assess

patterns of racial housing discrimination and submit plans to eliminate it. On Wednesday, the president tweeted, I am happy to inform all the people living their suburban lifestyle dream that you will no longer be bothered or financially hurt by having low-income housing built in your neighborhood. Your housing prices will go up based on the market, and crime will go down. Enjoy. Later in Texas, the president reaffirming that message. I've seen conflict for years.

It's been hellhia the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the I've seen conflict for years. It's been hell for suburbia. We rescinded the rule three days ago, so enjoy your life, ladies and gentlemen, enjoy your life. Okay, first of all, suburban lifestyle dream sounds like the world's lamest Katie Perry song. But just in case it wasn't clear, Trump is saying that he's going to stop black people from moving into white people's neighborhood. And mean it's not even subtle enough to call that a dog whistle. It's too loud. It's more like a dog steel drum. I won't let the black people live near you. Put-the-bomb, boom, boom. Now look, I don't know why

having black people move into your neighborhood is a bad thing. But apparently, it's so scary, the Trump campaign has already made it into a horror movie. They were living the dream lifestyle. They thought the high property values would never end. Until one day. From the team that brought you migrant caravans, comes a whole new electric season field. What happens when your street goes from suburban to urban. Keep out. This fall, the scariest end word is neighbors.

Damn. I'm black and I'm still scared. Before we go, I just wanted to remind you that America is facing a nationwide poll worker shortage. Now, because most poll workers are over 60, and coronavirus is still in the air, many of them are understandably not showing up. But fewer poll workers means fewer polling stations are open, and it also means longer lines that not everybody can afford to stay and wait in. But the good news is, most poll working is paid. And in some states, poll workers can be as young as 16 to join in. Now I just wanted to say thank you because over the past few weeks we've partnered with Power to the Poles to ask all of you to join in if you can and over 60,000 of you have signed up. So thank you to all of you who are giving your time to save your granny

and protect democracy. And if you haven't signed up yet, but you want to join, all you've got to do is go. Watch the Daily Show weeknights at 11, 10 Central on Comedy Central and the Comedy Central app. Watch full episodes and videos at the Daily Show.com. Follow us on Facebook, Twitter and Instagram, and subscribe to the Daily Show on YouTube for exclusive content and more. This has been a Comedy Central Podcast. When 60 Minutes premiered in September 1968, there was nothing like it. This is 60 Minutes. It's a kind of a magazine for television.

Very few have been given access to the treasures in our archives. But that's all about to change. Like none of this stuff gets looked at. That's what's incredible. I'm Seth Done of CBS News. Listen to 60 Minutes, a second look, starting September 17th, wherever you get your podcasts.