The Daily Show: Ears Edition - Last Week's Top Stories - Fox News's "Obamagate" Fever, COVID-19's Effects on the Drug Trade & More

Episode Date: May 18, 2020

Desi Lydic Fox-splains the right-wing "Obamagate" conspiracy theory, the coronavirus rattles the illegal drug industry, and COVID-19 infects top White House staffers. Learn more about your ad-choices at https://www.iheartpodcastnetwork.comSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

You're listening to Comedy Central. When 60 Minutes premiered in September 1968, there was nothing like it. This is 60 Minutes. It's a kind of a magazine for television. Very few have been given access to the treasures in our archives. You're rolling? But that's all about to change. Like none of this stuff gets looked at. That's what's incredible. I'm Seth Done of CBS News. listen to 60 Minutes, a second look on Apple podcasts starting September 17th. Do you guys remember when the news cycle was always about some far-out conspiracy theory

that Trump had dreamed up about his enemies? Crooked Hillary. You missed that, right? It was exciting, it was fun. And other than democracy itself, no one got hurt. Well, good news. Those happy days are here again with a brand new conspiracy that Trump and Fox News are calling Obama Gates.

And again, buckle up, wow, huge, massive developments in the biggest abuse of power, corruption scandal in American history. My God, this is extraordinary. We will continue to peel back the onion on this incredible story. Yes, the biggest political scandal of our time. It looks like the Obamagate scandal is about to get a lot bigger. The release this week of long hidden transcripts fully exposed the left's attempt at a coup de tah, albeit bloodless, but a coup nonetheless.

What did Barack Hussein Obama know and when did he know it? Oh snap! Barack Hussein Obama? That's how you know you in trouble, when Fox is calling you by your full government name. Barack Hussein, Jihad Nairobi, Kenya, Obama, get your butt down here right now. Now, as you can tell,

Fox News hasn't been this excited since the last time Colin Kappenig bent down to to tie his shoes. But here's the basic idea of what this is about. They're claiming that when Obama was president, he illegally used the power of the Justice Department to spy on his political enemy, Donald Trump. And if you're thinking, wait, didn't we already do this like a year ago? And they called it Spygate?

Yeah, yeah, we did. But if we can have five Spider-Man's and 30 Batmans, then there's no reason that Trump can't bring back his favorite conspiracies too, okay? Stop judging. It's called a reboot. But basically, after the 2016 election, the intelligence community discovered that Michael Flynn, former Trump national security advisor and guy most likely to punch up a little league umpire, was having secret conversations with foreign powers. And now you might be wondering

why those shady conversations were happening in the first place, but that's not important, keep up. The important part is that they investigated it. And that's what has everyone in Trump world so excited right now, because there's new documents that shed light on what happened during that investigation. Newly to classify documents identifying more than a dozen Obama administration officials involved in the unmasking of Michael Flynn. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi, keep thi, keep thi, keep, keep, keep, keep, keep, keep, keep, keep, keep, keep, keep, keep, keep thi, keep thi, keep thi, keep thi, keep, keep thi, keep thi, keep thi, keep thi, keep thi, keep thi, keep thi, keep thi, keep thi, keep thi, keep thi, keep thi, keep, keep, keep, keep, keep, keep, keep, keep, keep, keep, keep, keep, keep, keep, keep, keep, keep, keep, keep, keep, keep, keep, keep, keep, keep th. th. thi, keep thi, keep thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. But thi. But thi. But thi. But thi. But, thi. But, thi. But, thi. But, thi. But, thi. But, thi. But, thi. It's that investigation. You lead to classified documents identifying more than a dozen Obama administration officials involved in the unmasking of Michael Flynn. Unmasking is when a senior government official requests to know the identity of a U.S.

citizen in an intelligence report. It's something that happens thousands of times a year. These documents don't show any political motivations. It doesn't show us that anybody who shouldn't have had access to this information was getting access to it. Ooh, did you catch that? Basically what the Obama administration did was a standard government procedure that happens thousands of times a year. This is the equivalent of freaking out whenever a TV show goes to commercial. No! Where did you go? What did you do to him, Progressive Insurance Lady? What did you do? But that isn't stopping Donald Trump from proposing his favorite solution to any problem.

Lock them up. We have breaking news today. The names of the people who unmasked General Flynn have been publicized. Joe Biden. John Brennan. Jim Come the, the, the, the, the, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, what the, what the, what tho, what tho, what thuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu. What thu- thu- thuaduaduaduaduaduaduaduaduaduaduaduadu. What to do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do thu. What thu. What thu. What thu. What thu. What thu. What thu. What thu. What thu. What thu. What thu. What thu. What thu. What thu. What thu. What thu. thu. thu. thu. toe. toe. toe. toea. toea. toea. toe John Brennan, Jim Comey, your reaction. This was all Obama. This was all Biden. These people were corrupt. It was the greatest political crime in the history of our country. If I were a Democrat, instead of a Republican, I think everybody would have been in jail a long time ago. And I'm talking with 50-year sentences. It is a disgrace what's happened.

This is the greatest political scam, hoax in the history of our country. And people should be going to jail for this stuff. And hopefully, a lot of people are going to have to pay. Yes, Obama and Biden have to pay. Or at the very least, they should pull a Trump and pretend they're going to pay and then never come up with the money. And you know, you've got to admit, Trump loves sending people to jail. I bet that jail in monopoly was Donald Trump's idea. Mr. Trump, you're a property guy, so we were hoping you could give us some insight into this new board game that we're creating for kids. Jail, you gotta add a jail.

No, it's a property game. We just want them to learn about buying property and selling property. Trust me, jail. Where else will the winner send all the losers? Now, to be fair, Trump's people are saying that even if masking is usually not a big deal, it might be a big deal this time if the Obama administration leaked classified information to the press. They also say that Flynn didn't do anything wrong, but James Comey and the FBI wanted to use him to get to Trump. And you know what? The full conspiracy theory is actually pretty complicated. I I I I I I I I I I I th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi. thi, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. t. t. t. t. t. t. t. t. t. t. t. t. to, to, to, t. to, to tr. to tru. tru. tru. tru. tru. tru. tru. t. And you know what? The full conspiracy theory is actually pretty complicated.

I mean, it's too much for my little brain. But luckily, our very own Desiletic volunteered to watch Fox News nonstop so that she could help break this Obamagate scandal down. Obamagate. It's the big new scandal on the scandal? Well, I've been binge watching Fox News for 48 hours straight, and I'm ready to Fox Blaine Obamagate. Okay, it starts with President Barack Hussein Baskin-Robbins Obama.

He assembles the ultra-liberal vegan deepstate. Comey, Clapper, AOC, Rodman, Tiffin. You better believe the Geek Squad is involved. Anyway, they all start spying on Donald Trump's cell phone. Who's a cell phone carrier? T-Mobile. What does the T stand for? Tuneburg. As in Greta.

Take your little boat back to Greenland, Greta. You're not doing voter fraud in thr-o'er. Here's a question. Why are we the the their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. thoom. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. t. t. t. t. t. t. t. t. t. t. t. t. t. t. t. t. t. t. t. t. t. t. t. t. t. t. te. t. t. te. t. te. te. te. t. te. t. t. t. t. getting Flynn because he did a little work in Turkey? Guess what? Millions of Americans every year do a little work in Turkey. It's called Thanksgiving. But there are still some mysteries that we deserve answers to. This was Barack Obama's White House. What was Joe Biden doing there? How is it possible that the former president and the former vice president

were working together? That's a legal taaps. FISA courts. MLB, Home Run Derby. You want a real quid pro quo? Check out Obama's 2014 Christmas card. Art Basel. It's past time for Donald Trump to drain the swamp folks, and everyone is in on it. The FBI, the CIA, the XFL, the PT cruiser, the Will IM. Put it all together and what you get? Listening, free-range birth control, spooky vampire masks. That's not suspicious to you? Mega Man X, what about Mega Man Cube? The storm is coming.

I am the storm. Why is it cold earth if it's mostly water? Hope you can read Arabic, pal. If you still don't get it, listen to the president himself. What crime exactly are you accusing President Obama of committing and do you believe the Justice Department should prosecute him? Uh, Obamagate. Busted! It's obvious. You already know, Obama Gate is Obamagate. So there you have it. That's Obamagate explained.

Bye. Air Force One is a gateway drug. Weed, aka marijuana, aka the Kushner, because it solves all your problems. It doesn't. Like Netflix and Japanese toilets, weed is something we're appreciating more and more during the lockdowns. With so many people self-isolating at home, at least one industry is booming. It's the marijuana industry. The orders are starting as soon as we open at 8.30 and they're just going consistently until

we close. Sales have never been stronger than during shelter in place. Delivery at a social distance, their mother. their delivery, their social more drivers to meet the demand. And while mom now delivers dime bags, she's also picked up some of the lingo. I didn't understand what heavy was, but that is a word that's in the dictionary. You know, I don't think I will ever get used to thea. the weed game has changed because it used to be some shady dude on thethe corner. Now, it's the lady who used to bring orange slices for everyone at half-time. You know, it's gonna be real awkward

when all those weed dealers who got incarcerated, come back home to find their street corners got gentrified. Back up, buddy. This is Karen's corner now, but yes, people are stocking up on legal weed because of the corona shutdown. Because for a lot of people, weed is a great way to distress and pass the time at home.

Plus, now we all have the perfect excuse not to hang out with our dealer. Oh, sorry, dude, yeah, I would love to hang out with you and have you smoke half the weed that you just made me pay for, but social distancing. So for the legal drug trade, business is booming like crazy. But it turns out that all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi, thi, the thi, the thi, thi, the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th th th the, the. the. the. the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the turns out that all over the world, the illegal drug trade has been struggling hard because of coronavirus, because it's a lot harder to hand people drugs when nobody's supposed to be touching.

Police say the coronavirus lockdown is helping them catch drug dealers because they're easier to spot on our empty streets. Many of them are now dressing as joggers to avoid police detection. Police say drug dealers are posing as delivery workers carrying cocaine and ketamine hidden in the bottoms of delivery packages. An island, they found a pizza box which had two handguns in it and 8 kilograms of cocaine. Yeah, that's right. Drug dealers are too easy to spot right now. So they're going under cover as joggers as jogers as jogers as jogers as j j j j j j j- to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the thoggers. the the the thoggers. thoggers. the the thoggers. thoggers. thoggers. to to to to to and eight kilograms of cocaine. Yeah, that's right. Drug dealers are too easy to spot right now, so they're going under cover as joggers and pizza delivery guys.

And that has to be such a roller coaster of emotions. Can you imagine a drug dealer shows up with a pizza box full of drugs? A random pizza showed up, yay! Oh, it's just drugs. If you are a drug dealer who's trying to smuggle, you've got to pick the right pizza box, though. Because if you're carrying a Papa John's box,

that'll be a dead giveaway. Hands up! This is the police. Drop the box! What? I'm just delivering some Papa John's. Nice try, buddy. I don't care how desperate people are. The impact on small-time drug dealers is nothing compared to how the pandemic is messing with the big picture. In fact, the entire global drug trade has been brought to its knees by COVID-19. Mexican and Colombian drug cartels are really being crippled by this pandemic.

As supply chains in China shut down, traffickers are losing the chemicals to make profitable drugs like meth and fentanyl. One big problem for cartels is distribution. They can no longer transport drugs to where they can sell them. For drug traffickers, the shutdowns have crippled money laundering schemes creating a backlog of drug proceeds. Now millions of dollars of dirty money have been piling up in Los Angeles. Wow!

Corona virus is crushing everybody. Factories in China can't make chemicals. Without chemicals, drug dealers can't make meth. And without meth, Joe Exotic has no way to make straight guys marry him. And it's not just the supply chain. Because of lockdowns, drug dealers can't launder their cash.

And that cash is not dirty because of drugs. It's also dirty because it's gottorne to. to. to. to. their. th. their. to. to. th. th. their. to. to. to. the to. to. to. to. the the to. to. to. to. toea. toea. It's. It's thiia. the the toea. thiol-upeaughea. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the tielia. tiela. tiela. tiela. tiela. tiela. tiela. tiela.cleraughea. tea. tea.clera. tea. tea not dirty because of drugs. It's also dirty because it's got corona on it. So now you gotta launder it through a fake business, and then you gotta launder it with actual detergent. This is too much work. Now, if you wanted the drug cartels and you're struggling to move your money in LA, I've got a tip for you guys. You should just do what everyone else in LA does when they have too much mo' mi. Half all of Hollywood movies are just money laundering schemes. Like the Goldfinch? That's not a real movie. Do you know anyone who watched that movie?

No, money laundering. I mean like, even the actors are not real. Ansel Elgort? That's not a name. That's like just someone's leftover scrabble tiles. By the way Ansel, they made me say those jokes. I don't thin. they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're th jokes. I don't think they're funny at all. I love you baby driver. So, what are the cartels doing now with so much of their business shutdown? Well, like the rest of us, some of them are taking up new quarantine hobbies. Mexican drug cartels moonlighting as

philanthropists. Drug gang members in states like Halisco and Sinaloa have been handing out what are essentially care packages to ordinary citizens. In Rio de Janeiro, drug cartels are imposing curfews, putting signs and hand sanitizer at the interest to the slum. As South Africa tries to control the spread of coronavirus, gang leaders have halted their turf wars and turned their delivery networks, usually used for drugs trafficking to get food to poor households instead. The best distributors in the country the country the country the country the country the country the country the country the country the country the country their their their their their their their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, the, their, thi. thiole, thiole, thi. thiicking to get food to poor households instead. The best distributors in the country, they know how to distribute things, hey? They're used to distributing other white powders, but still, they're distributing things

and they know everybody. Yeah, that's right. With the drug trade on pause, gangs around the world have started helping in their communities instead. And I don't know, man, these gangs might be careful, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, their, their their, their, their, their, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thr-a. thr-a. thr-s. thr-s. thr-s. thean, thean, thean, thean, thean, thean, thean, th sanitizer. Because that's Amazon's turf. You guys think you're tough? Wait until you meet Jeff Vezos. A month from now, the Sinaloa cartel is going to be the Sinaloa Amazon fulfillment center. And no benefits.

You know, one thing I'm excited to see is how this coronavirus is going to change gang tattoos. I got this one for killing a man in cold blood. And I got this one for helping Mr. Hernandez bake banana bread. But yeah, what all of this has revealed is that, just like many other industries around the world right now, even the drug cartels are struggling to deal with corona. And until people get healthy, the drug cartels can't get back to their job of making people unhealthy, which is actually why I think if we want to get coronavirus vaccines out to as many people as possible, we should put

the cartels in charge. Hear me out, hear me out, hear me out. They have the distribution, they have the networks, and unlike the big pharmaceutical companies, they'll give us our first taste for free. When 60 Minutes premiered in September 1968, there was nothing like it. This is 60 Minutes. It's a kind of a magazine for television. Very few have been given access to the treasures in our archives. You're rolling? But that's all about to change. Like, none of this stuff gets looked at. That's what's incredible.

I'm Seth Done of CBS News. Listen to 60 to 60 to 60 to 60 to 60 to 60 the 60 the 60 the 60 the the the the gets looked at. That's what's incredible. I'm Seth Done of CBS News. Listen to 60 Minutes a second look on Apple podcasts starting September 17. For months, President Trump has been saying the coronavirus pandemic isn't as big a deal as everyone is suggesting. But now the virus is responding by saying, knock knock, knock, biatch. Well, the Trump administration is fighting to contain an outbreak of coronavirus sweeping through the White House this morning. In 48 hours, two members of the White House staff tested positive for the virus. First on Thursday, it was the president's personal valet,

a military service member on the team that serves his lunch in the ov the ov the ov the ov the ov the ov the ov the ov the ov the ov the ov the president's personal valet, a military service member on the team that serves his lunch in the Oval Office. Then Friday, the vice president's press secretary, Katie Miller, tested positive. Katie Miller is married to Stephen Miller, President Trump's senior policy advisor. The president is now revealing that his military valet was right there with him the day before the valet tested positive. On Tuesday, he was in there with him the day before the valet tested positive. On Tuesday, he was in the room and very, virtually, I don't think any contact, but he was in the room. The valet's duties included serving the president lunch and those diet cokes he drinks all day long. Oh snap, the coronavirus is now officially in the White House.

And that's scary. Although, if it's like everything else that lands in the White House, it won't last more than a few weeks. And I won't lie. I'm not surprised that this cluster started in Stephen Miller's house. That dude has always given off major, bitten by a bat vibes. But it's not just those two members of the White House staff, because it turns out coronavirus is also spreading to the Secret Service. At least 11 Secret Service employees are reportedly sick with COVID-19.

The assignments of the sick employees are not yet known. This morning the White House is looking to ramp up social distancing measures, including having more Secret Service agents wear masks and space six feet apart during meetings. Okay, I know this is bad. But the fact that that the the the the the secret that that that that the secret that the secret the secret that the secret the secret that the secret the secret the secret the secret the secret the secret the secret the secret the secret the secret the secret the secret the secret the secret the secret the secret secret secret se se se se se se se se se se se se se se secret secret service se se se secret secret secret secret secret service the secret secret secret secret secret secret secret secret secret secret secret secret secret secret secret secret secret secret secret secret secret secret secret secret secret secret secret secret the secret the secret the secret the secret the secret the secret the secret the secret the secret the secret the secret the secret the secret the secret the secret the secret the secret the secret the secret the secret the secret the secret the secret the secret the secret the secret the secret the the secret the secret secret s secret service the secret service the secret service the secret service service the sec sec sec sec. the sece, the sec. the sece, the sece, the sece this is bad, but the fact that the Secret Service has coronavirus and the President doesn't just shows you how good they are doing their jobs. Bravo team, we've got a close talker on your six. I'm going to intercept. Excuse me. Oh, I've got all the particles. We're good.

And I'm not going to lie. I feel bad for Secret service s s s s s s s s s s s for the th for th for th for th for th for th for secret for secret for secret Service agents, because they're some of the only people at the White House who can't work from home. There's not an option. I mean, how do you protect the president if you're not there? What, thrown, sir, he's begging you? to their tea. tockle. thiiii, their th. th. th. th. tho. th. tho. tho. their. tho. tho. tho. tho. tho. tho. tho. tho. tho. tho. tho. thoo. tho. tho. thooo. thoo. tho. tho. tho. tho. tho. tho. tho. tho. tho. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. It's. their. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's the the the toeee. toe. toe. toe. toe. toea. toe. toe. toe. toe. the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the behind you. Now, while the Secret Service may be stuck with Trump, other officials have been able to get the hell out of there. In fact, Dr. Fauci, the head of the CDC, and the head of the FDA, are all now under some form of self-quarantine for the next two weeks.

And I'll be honest, I don't know who's happier about this? Trump or the experts? Yeah, because I mean they can finally say something scientific without hearing nah-ah in the background. So Dr. Fauci will be working from home as opposed to Trump who will continue not working from home. And because this coronavirus outbreak is a big deal, the White House is taking a number of other safety precautions. For example, they've announced that they will now be starting what they call heightened levels of daily cleaning. Yeah, which, which, which, which, which, which, which, which, which, which, which, which, which, which, which, which, which, which, which, which, which, which, which, which, which, which, which, which is, which is th, which is th, which is th, which is thi, which is thi, which is thi, which is thi, which is thi, which is thi, which is thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, their their their their their their their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. they've announced that they will now be starting what they call heightened levels of daily cleaning. Yeah, which is something they haven't had to do since Bill Clinton lived there. Now, despite coronavirus spreading into Trump's inner circle, Trump himself has not changed his attitude when it comes towards the virus.

For example, he's still refusing to wear a mask, even when meeting a group of elderly World War II veterans. There were no masks to be seen as the President and First Lady Milania attended a ceremony for the 75th anniversary of victory in Europe in World War II. They were careful though to keep their social distance from the veterans who are all in their 90s. Mr. President, you were with seven American heroes earlier today, these World War II veterans, all in their 90s. Did you consider wearing a mask when you were with them given they're in that? No, because I was very far away.

I appreciate the question. I was very far away from them, as you know. I would have loved to have gone up and hugged them because they're great. I had a conversation with everyone, but we were very far away. You saw it. Plus, the wind was blowing so hard in such a direction that if the plague ever reached them might be very surprised. It could have reached me, too. You didn't worry about me, you only worried about them, and that's okay. Because I think they're so pure it will never happen, all right?

They've lived a great life. Wow. Is it just me tha go through all the stages of stupidity in one answer? I was very far from them, and there was no danger. Even if I wasn't far enough, the wind was blowing in such a direction that it was totally safe. You didn't worry about me. You only worried about them, but that's okay. Look, these guys have lived a great life, so... Look, man, whatever Trump's excuse was, I just hope all those veterans are safe.

Because can you imagine surviving Hitler only to be taken out by Trump? That would be so anticlimactic. It would be like if Batman beat Bain and then died slipping on a banana peel. Oh shit. And it's bad enough that Trump doesn't want to wear a mask, but even worse is that he also seems to be learning all the wrong things from this White House outbreak. Mr. President, can you bring us up to speed about a member of the vice president staff who has now tested positive for coronavirus. This is now the second staffer in the West Wing. Katie, she tested very good for a long period of time,

and then all of a sudden today she tested positive, so she tested positive out of the blue. This is why the whole concept of tests are useless. This is why the whole concept of tests are useless. thiiike. Okay, I'm sorry, but this is just insane. literally just said that the reason why tests are useless is because they work? Like, does Trump also get mad at the White House metal detectors? These metal detectors make no sense.

Every day we scan for the guns, but there's no guns. Then today, we found a gun. So this whole concept of metal detectors is not great to me, folks. And you know, what's most concerning about this whole thing is that you would have hoped, you would have th.. You that that that that thoped, you that that that thoped, you that that tho tho that tho tho thu thu thu that thu thu thu thu thu thu thu thu that that that that thus thus thatu thus thus thus tha tha tru tru thus thus thus thus thus thus thus thus thus thus thus thus thus thus thus thus thus thus that also that also that that that that th th th thus thus thus t t t t t tha tha tha tha tha tha thau thau thau thau thau thau thau thau thau thau thau thau thau thau thau thau thau to me folks. And you know, what's most concerning about this whole thing is that you would have hoped, you would have hoped that Trump seeing the effectiveness of testing firsthand in his own house would have convinced him that testing is the best solution for the rest of America. But somehow Trump came away with the exact opposite lesson. And that's a pretty bad sign for America. But I guess it's good news for Donald Trump's health. Because if

he's this immune to common sense, well then what chance does a virus have? When we think of COVID-19, what do we think of? Disease of the lungs, right? But now we're learning that it can also be a full-body work out. So far the one predictable thing about the new coronavirus is that it's unpredictable. It first got our attention by damaging the lungs, but now doctors are finding it can wreak havoc throughout the body. One way is by causing blood clots, for example, in the legs. A limited study of 214 COVID patients in China found more than a third

suffered neurological symptoms. The most common, loss of taste and smell, dizziness, headaches, even unconsciousness, and in rare instances strokes. Doctors are seeing a new potential symptom of coronavirus and it's not exactly pleasant. It's known as COVID toes. Doctors treating patients are noticing red or purple lesions and swollen toes and younger adults. Yes, it turns out that coronavirus could negatively affect almost every part of the human body, including your toes. And I'm sorry, but toes? Toes? Toes? One minute, Corona is in the lungs and now it's in the toes? It's wrecking our toes? I mean, coronavirus is like one of those artists whose, and toes, toes, toes, toes, toes, toes, toes, toes, toes, toes, toes, toes, toes, toes, toes, toes? One minute Corona's in the lungs and now it's in the toes? It's wrecking our toes? I mean coronavirus is like one of those artists who gets selected in

every category. It's like how Old Town Road was somehow nominated for best country and best hip-hop and best supporting actor in a TV series. Viruses should be like fetishes. You choose one body part and you go all in. You can't be into lungs and towes. Like thi th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, tho's, tho's, thoes, thoes, thoes, thoes, thoes, to to to toe, toe, toe, toes, toes, toes, toes, toes, toes, toes, toes, toes, toes, toes, toe, toes, to to to toes, toes, to toes, toes, toes, toes, toes, toes, toes, toes, toes, toes, toes, toes, toes, toe, too, too, too, too, too, too, too, too, too, too, tooes, too, too-I's, too-coes, too-coe, too-coes, too-coes, tooes, tooes, be into lungs and toes like me. I choose elbows and that's that. Like why can't Corona do at least one thing that's cool? How come there's no cool corona symptom? You know? Like yeah it hits your lungs but it also changes people's hair. Then at least we'd get Instagram post from Tom Hanks. It's true, I have corona. And we're not just learning about how the virus affects the body, we're also discovering new ways that it can infect your body. Like for instance, we all knew about coughing, yeah?

And sneezing and touching your face and rubbing your nose on toilet seats. But it turns out there might be another way that this bug is spreading to us all. A new study by John Hopkins University shows that COVID-19 can infect patients through their eyes. Researchers say virus droplets can latch onto the eyes ace-two receptors and start targeting cells that way. They also think tears could transmit infections from person to person. Scientists believe this is why some COVID-19 patients have reported pink eye symptoms. Yep. Apparently you can also catch coronavirus through someone's tears. And my only question is, why are people crying into each other's

eyes? I mean we all have our thing, but who's calling their crush like, hey, you want to come over and watch soldiers reunite with their dogs while we rub eyes? And if this is true, we're gonna have to take some extra precautions, people. Like, from now on, you've got to stay at least six feet apart while watching This Is Us. And for all those Trump supporters who've been drinking liberal tears, maybe try Gatorade, all right? I don't know why you guys even do that, but try something else. So now we know the virus can spread through tears through tears through s throughthat you may want to watch out for. A new study from China found traces of coronavirus in the semen of infected men. It's not clear yet whether coronavirus can be transmitted through sexual activity.

Researchers found evidence of COVID-19 and 6 out of the 38 patients they studied. Of those six men, four were still infected and two others were recovering. Experts say traces of infectious diseases are often present in all kinds of bodily fluids. That's right. Scientists have found coronavirus in semen. And I guess now we know why it's spread so quickly in the New York City subway. But this is such bad news because it means sex is even more risky now. You can catch corona, you can catch STDs,

and scariest of all, you can catch feelings. I still think about you, Sheila. How you gonna go do that to me? And that's not the only bad news for guys, because as you probably know, COVID-19 has been much more fatal for men than women. Yeah, coronavirus is targeting men harder than an old spice bodywash commercial. And now, researchers might be starting to figure out why that is.

One of the other mysteries of COVID-19 is that it's deadlier for men than women. China, Italy, and South Korea have all reported higher death rates for men, and the trend continues here in the US. So, why are men getting sicker than women? Well, some new research may give us a clue. It has to do with a key enzyme that COVID-19 uses to enter and infect our healthy cells. It's found in our heart, kidneys, and other important organs. Researchers took blood samples from thousands of heart failure patients, both men and women and measured how much of the enzyme they found. Men's blood had higher levels of the enzyme they found.

Men's blood had higher levels of the enzyme than women. Are you serious? Men might have an enzyme that makes us more susceptible to dying from COVID-19 than women? And you know, honestly, I cannot believe that after all men have done for the world, starting the NBA, starting practically every war all by ourselves, this is our award? I mean, I guess we had a good run. You know, we got to peace standing up.

We didn't have to go through childbirth, didn't have our co-workers explained back to us the things that we just explained. It was too good to last forever. And you know, some some dudes thuuuuu some thu some thu some thu thu thu thu thu thu thu thu thu thu thu thu thu thu thu thu thu thu thu thu thu- thu-a thu-a' to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to thu. thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi. thi. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. thea. the. the. the how unfair coronavirus is. They're gonna be in the ICU like, this sucks, dude. There's like no chicks here at all. So, what does this all come down to? Well, the underlying science is important,

but for most of us, we rarely just need to remember how easily coronavirus is spread. And one really simple new video is illuminating that in a way that even non-scientists can easily understand. COVID-19 has been described as the invisible enemy but an experiment has shone new light on the virus. As Natalia Cooper explains, there are simple ways to keep protecting yourself. A man's hands are covered in glowing the dark paint, which represents the

germs. He then serves himself at a mock-up cruise ship buffet, and so two to ten other diners. After 30 minutes, the lights are turned out and the spread is shocking. The Japanese TV experiment finds the paint on multiple surfaces. It was on every person's hands and on three of their faces. Imagine, that paint is coronavirus. Surprise, surprise. Buffets are a great way to spread germs. Yeah, you think you're getting all you can eat crab legs?

No, my friend, coronavirus is getting all you can eat Kyle. But that's why I don't use tongues at the buffet. Everyone is touching those things. Yeah, I just go straight in with my hands, thi thi. thi. thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, th. th. th. th. th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th th th th th thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, the the the the the the the theeeea thea thea thea thea thee the the th buffet. Everyone is touching those things. Yeah, I just go straight in with my hands, much more hygienic. And I guess now we know why coronavirus has been exploding so hard on cruise ships. I mean, a cruise ship is just a giant buffet where you sleep over. So, that's all the new information we've learned about the coronavirus. And remember, while all of this might seem scary, it's good, because the

more we learn about this disease, the more we know how to fight it. So don't stress and don't lose heart. Everything is going to be okay. We'll be right back. We're all screwed. I think I'm going to die. Oh, shit. Did I stop this? Before we go, please remember the COVID pandemic has also taken a serious toll on many people's mental health. And here in the US, the disaster distress help line is trying to address this crisis. They've got counselors who are trained to help with mental health needs specifically in this unique situation. And if you're able and you'd like to help

thate to donate whatever you can. If you'd like to support in New York specifically, then you can donate to NYC Well, which is also providing free, confidential mental health support. The Daily Show with CoverNo. Ears Edition. Watch the Daily Show weeknights at 11, 10 Central on Comedy Central and the Comedy Central app. Watch full episodes and videos at the Daily Show.com. Follow us on Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram, and subscribe to the Daily Show on YouTube for exclusive content and more.

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