The Daily Show: Ears Edition - Lehman, Merrill, and AIG, Oh My! Jon Covers the Financial Crisis | TDS Time Machine

Episode Date: September 16, 2023

The Daily Show jumps in our time machine to head back to this day in 2008: Lehman Brothers has just collapsed, sending the market into a death spiral and sinking the financial crisis to a new low. Jon Stewart catches us up on this latest economic nightmare, discussing the ever-changing situation with Aasif Mandvi before checking in on the latest presidential campaign-trail spin from Senators Barack Obama, John McCain, Joe Biden, and Governor Sarah Palin. Plus, Jon and Ricky Gervais get into some obscure (and questionable) animal facts.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

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Listen on the I-Heart radio app, Apple podcasts, or wherever you listen to podcasts. You're listening to Comedy Central. September 60, 2008. From Comedy Central's World News Headquarters in New York. This is the daily show with John Stewart. Thank you. Very time. Thank you very much. Thank you. Thank you. Welcome to the Daily Show. My name is Joe Scorre. Thank you. Amazing.

Fantabulous program for you tonight. I really, can I say this? I really am surprised you still have the strength, quite frankly. We've had the people in the audience here for quite some time. It's like the Shackleton Expedition here tonight. They're not an audience, they are survivors. One part comedy, one part, settle down. Tonight's show, one part comedy, one part news, two parts magic.

Ricky Jervais is gonna be our guest. Every minute. I'm assuming he is backstage as we speak asleep. Well, obviously yesterday we pretty much covered everything there was the cover. The only thing I guess we didn't talk about is, but get that Miley Cyrus here, he's got a new boyfriend. He's, honky. Apparently, she broke up with this guy.

Uh, But I hope with this new guy, she takes it slow. Makes a choice that reflects her small town values. Remember, Miley, you're 16, you're young. You've got a whole year ahead of you before you should get knocked up and married. So that's our show. Good night everybody. Unless is there any other issue I'm forgetting? What is the...

Obviously one of the biggest stories of the day is what's happening in our financial markets. Financial markets! Right. Yesterday, the Dow Industrial fell 500 points. Following the largest bankruptcy in American history, Lehman Brothers collapsed. After 158 years after leaving the business in the hands of the youngest Lehman brother, Bongo. Meanwhile fellow financial giant Merrill Lynch was saved from the scrap heap with the Bank of America buyout making Merrill Lynch's famous mascot so sad he is now refusing to comb his genitals. Beatles. Jesus Christ, dude, can't you cornrow that bank? Bullfix looks like Troy Palomolo, the Steelers.

But don't worry, Lehman's commercial real estate is insured by the massive American International Group, better known as notorious AIG, which today, what's that, nearly collapsed. Why? Because AIG actually sought to solve their financial problems, seriously, by lending money to themselves. Try that sometime. Oh, you know, I'm down to my last dollar. Oh, well, excuse me. I think I can help you. Oh, why, why thank you? I truly appreciate that. You've doubled my money. Come on. Seriously. I truly appreciate that. You've doubled my money. Come on.

Seriously. How bad can it really be? Americans are concerned about the adjustments that are taking place in our financial markets. Oh, it's adjustments. That sounds incredibly minor. I wonder if anyone else has framed the issue differently. There was blood on the floor at the end of trading on Wall Street today.

A financial tsunami. One of the ugliest days I have ever seen. Nightmare on Wall Street. The atomic bomb. Almost Armageddon. A nine on the Richter scale. Something of a financial hurricane hitting the United States. So there you go. Two different opinions. Apo-ocklipo-in, an th. A th. A th. A th. A th. A th. A th. A th. A th. A thii. A thi. A thi. A thi. A thi. A thi. A th. A th. A th. A th. A th. A thi. A thr-aa, thi. A th. A th. A th. A th. A th. A th. A th. A thunnel. A th. A tunnel. A tha, a tha, a tun, a tun, a tun, a tun, a tunn, a tunn, a tunnel. A tunnel. A tunnel. A tunnel. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. tunn. tunn.a.a.a.a.a.a.a.a.a.a. tunn.a. tunn. tunn. A. A. A. A. A. A. t and adjustments. The state of the American economy lying somewhere between the four horsemen, riding steeds and wielding blades of fury over charred hellscape, and something you get at your chiropractor. That's your range, America. Go confidently and plan your financial future.

I'd like to hear from an expert. Let's go to the Secretary of the Treasury. It appears to be Mr. Munster. Terry Paulson has graciously given us some of his time today. He doesn't have an endless supply of it, so please keep that in mind. Oh my God, we're running out of time too? We've got no money and no time? What about air? All right, here he comes.

Very busy man. No time for small talk, let's get right to it. Serious business. Good afternoon, everyone, and I hope you all had an enjoyable weekend. Ha ha ha ha. You're bad at what you do. Yes, yes, I hope my little joke distracted you for the fact that you've lost everything. Hey, here's an economic indicator. This economy is so bad that the first thing the Treasury Secretary does is protect his own job.

The President has been a great boss as we work through here. He's been focused on the right thing. I strongly support his economic policies. Please don't send me back to the private sector. Those people sleep in their cars. Senior financial analyst, Asif Monvi, has been monitoring the situation on Wall Street all day. He joins us now. Asif, thanks for joining us. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Where is. Thank you. Awesome. Where is your hair, Ossef?

Hair. Hair? On a financial analyst? Come on. John, I was just downtown taping an episode of my new financial show. The bald guy and the hot chick talk money. Is that, uh, is that on this network or? It's not on any network.

But don't tell the hot chick that. All right, Oscar. Look, Oslove, we've seen banks failing, we've seen others merging under duress. How bad is it down there? Well, it's changing quickly. Obviously, yesterday, this was Merrill Lynch. Today, it's Bank of America, Merrill Lynch, a fluid situation.

But people should remain calm. This is normal. Ossef. How is this normal? Shoddy lending practices taking down three-fifths of the nation's storied banking institutions? Well, an uptick in financial... Yeah. An uptick in financial chaos and disaster can always be expected in this political season. These bankers follow American elections very closely and I'm sure that this is their attempt to influence

our democracy. I think, Asif, there's been another merger that happened as you were. Yep, yeah, it appears that way. So, so, Ausif, who are the bankers trying to throw the election too? The Democrats. The Democrats. The Democrats are for more regulation. Hey, hey, I didn't say these guys were smart.

Have you seen the loans they've been given out around here? Nehow, our new neighbors. Things seem to be moving very quickly down there as different buyers step in. Yes, yes it does. Now... in. Yes, yes it does. It seems some buyers have moved in to take advantage of the distressed asset pricing. I am one of you. do not fear me. Thank you. Ossef. to take advantage of the distressed asset pricing. I am one of you. Do not fear me. Thank you, Ossef Monvey everybody. Good luck down there. We'll be right back.

Finding great candidates to hire can be like trying to find a needle in a haystack. You might get a lot of resumes, but not enough candidates with the right skills or experience. But not with Zip Recruiter finds Zip Recruiter finds amazing candidates for you fast. And right now you can try it for free at Zip Recruiter.com. Zip Recruiter's smart technology identifies top talent for your roles quickly. Immediately after you post your job, Zip Recruiter's powerful matching technology starts showing you qualified people for it. And you can use Zip Recruers' pre-written invite to apply message to personally reach out to your favorite candidates and encourage them to apply sooner. Ditch the other hiring sites and let Zip Recruiter find what

you're looking for, the needle in the haystack. Four out of five employers who post on Zip Recruiter get a quality candidate within the first day. Try it for free at this exclusive web address,ziprecruiter.com slash zip. Again that's zip recruiter.com slash zip. Zip recruiter. The smartest way to hire. It's been said that nice guys finish last. But is that really true? I'm Tim Harford, host of the Cautionary Tales podcast, and I'm exploring that very question. Join me for my new mini-series on the Art of Fairness. Tales podcast, and I'm exploring that very question. Join me for my new miniseries on the Art of Fairness.

We'll travel from New York to Tahiti to India on a quest to learn how to succeed without being a jerk. We'll examine stories of villains undone by their villainy and monstrous self self-deviring egos, and will delve into the extraordinary power of decency. We'll face mutiny on the vast Pacific Ocean, blaze a trail with a pioneering skyscraper, and dare to confront a formidable empire. The art of fairness on cautionary tales. Listen on the I-art radio app, Apple podcasts,

or wherever you listen to podcasts. While the crisis on, thank you kindly, while the crisis on Wall Street will ultimately affect millions of Americans yesterday, the crisis affected four Americans in a deeply personal way. The American economy is in a crisis. The most serious financial crisis that we've seen in generations. The crisis that you've been facing on Main Street is now hitting Wall Street. Let me tell you something that's going on today in our world, particularly here in our nation that needs some shaking up and some fixing. Did she win a contest?

What? Did she win a contest? What? ? Did she win a contest? What? Did she win a contest? What, what? Is it a calling? We've got to do some shaking up.

I see what's happening here. It's an economic crisis, complicated issue. The solutions needed are probably unpopular, undoubtedly confusing. Perhaps it's time for a good old-fashioned candidates. Generic off. Generic off! Brought to you by soap and food. Food. It's what's for eating. The players flipped a coin to see who'd go first, but the coin was be possessed. What the heck? Let's hear from the junior senator from Illinois. We're gonna get the economy back on track and our financial institutions back on track. Well in, sir. Forceful sounding totally. Like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the to the to to to to to to to to to to to get the economy back on track and our financial institutions back on track. Well in, sir.

Forceful sounding totally empty. Like a hollow pina. Republicans, your response. We've got to fix it. We've got to fix it. We must fix it. We must use some sort of tool. An economic fixing tool.

That was made in America. McCain-08! Joe Biden, you're in Michigan, talking to auto workers. Give me a generic. I'm a UAW guy, never belong to you, but I'm a United States senator because of the UAW. This is not a Pander off. This is a generic off. Come on, man, take another swing.

I count John McCain as a personal friend. I don't doubt that John cares. He just doesn't think. He doesn't think that we have any responsibility to help people or hurt him. This is not a passive aggressive off! He's a generic! John McCain is a good man, he's just a horrible human being. He's a brave soldier, but a stupid idiot, he kills babies. I love him, he's terrible.

This is a huge opening for the Republicans. Biden has abdicated the generic off. Let's hear from, could possibly be President Palin. This crisis happened for several reasons. Whoa, whoa! This is a generic off. Reasons. That's dangerous territory. Tread carefully.

I hope they're generic reasons. Several reasons, which have to be addressed right now. You've given us a what and a when? Don't give us a how. Guys and gals, our regulatory system is outdated and it needs a complete overhaul. Oh, guys and gals! Dudes and dames don't pay any attention to what she said. Do not heed her call. She is not actually suggesting the government be responsible for regulating

the financial markets in any way. Broheams and Betty's. Our economy will grow and we will get government out of the way of private sector progress. Great save. She only got specific enough to completely contradict herself. We need more regulation. We need contradict herself. We need more regulation. We need more regulations so that we can get government out of the economy. And then normal people's brains can explode.

All right, Johnny McCain, she set him up. Moam down. Still, the fundamentals of our economy are strong. No! That is generic but is also wrong. You're supposed to talk about crisis. You know what's going to happen now? Oh in a few hours. Fundamentals are of our economy are strong. Don't you know the internet moves quickly now? Don't you know the internet moves quickly now? It looks like curtain. Don't you know the internet moves quickly now, sir?

It looks like curtains for Senator McCain, but as in any generic off, you get one last chance to go into the retraction chamber. Where you can either take back what you said about the fundamentals of our economy, or fundamentally try to change the meaning of the word fundamental. I was talking about the fundamentals of America, which is the workers, their productivity, their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their the meaning of the word fundamental. I was talking about the fundamentals of America, which is the workers, their productivity, their innovation, their incredible performance for many, many years. Sure you are. Ladies and gentlemen, we have a winner that was John McCain, speaking from his new circular

talk express. What happened? It is John McCain. Apparently, John McCain is the hip told it like it is John McCain. Apparently, John McCain is the only POW who was brainwashed after his captivity. We'll be right back. Finding great candidates to hire can be like trying to find a needle in a haystack. You might get a lot of resumes, but not enough candidates with the right skills or experience. But not with Zip Recruiter.

Zip Recruiter finds amazing candidates for you fast. And right now you can try it for free at Zip Recruiter powerful matching technology starts showing you qualified people for it, and you can use zip recruiters pre-written invite to apply message to personally reach out to your favorite candidates and encourage them to apply sooner. Ditch the other hiring sites and let zip recruiter find what you're looking for, the needle in the haystack. Four out of five employers who post on zip recruiter get a quality candidate within the first day.

Try it for free at this exclusive web address, zip recruder.com. Slash. Zip Recruiter.com. Slipp Zip Recruiter. The smartest way to hire. It's been said that nice guys finish last. But is that really true? I'm Tim Harford, host of the Cautionary Tales podcast, and I'm exploring that very question. Join me for my new miniseries on the Art of Fairness. We'll travel from New York to Tahiti to India on a quest to learn how to succeed without being a jerk. We'll examine stories of villains undone by their villainy and monstrous self-devaring egos and will delve

into the extraordinary power of decency. We'll face mutiny on the vast Pacific Ocean, blaze a trail with a pioneering skyscraper and dare to confront a formidable empire. The art of fairnessness on Cautionary Tales. Listen on the IHart Radio App, Apple, comedian, an HBO special coming up in November. His latest film is called Ghost Town. Please welcome back to the show, Ricky Dervais! Thank you very much. Can I tell you something? And I'm not obviously you know me. Thank you. Thank you very much. Can I tell you something?

And I don't, and I'm not obviously you know me. You look and I'm trying to come up with the right word because obviously you're a British sophisticate. You look, if I may, smart. Thank you. Well, last time I was on you, had a suit and you said it also hides your paunch. So I thought I'll put a suit on and, you know, look, unlike that scruffy bull at the beginning. Did you see the dreadlocks on that bull? Mine are combed, so they're... I actually...I'd show you, but I'm mine.

If I may. No, not true. No, not true. Not true. I'll tell you what I do. Mine has a bald spot, so I do a comb over. Oh, that's good. And you can never tell until I get out of the shower and then. But you do it, you put it together.

Thank you and welcome to talk. You just pitched yourself a new comedy central franchise. They're gonna love that. Now how are you doing? Here's what I like about you. Always a bright man, almost a renaissance man of source. I find a man of a wealth of... I'm not proving it at the moment. No, but...

But in your brain I find that you have... You're a fax man, if I may. I'd love, yes, I do. I'm... I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm th. I'm th. I th. I th. I th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. th. th. thi. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi. thi. tho. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thee. the. the. the. the. they're. the. they're they're they're they're thoooo. the. the. the no but but in your brain I find that you have you're you're a fax man if I may I'd love yes I do I'm I think that's because I'm a man no I think that it doesn't have to be clever men love facts I think that's don't you think male they love this retention of pointless trivia unlike women that I'm a pointless I just assumed it was things you pick up but you don't I their I their I th I th I th I th I th I th I th I th I th I th I th I th I th I th I th I th I th I th I th I th I th I th I th th th the the the the the the thi the the the tho tho tho the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th th th th th th th th th th th th th. th. th. th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I the the the the the the the the the the the an to the an to the an to the an the an thean an the an thean an the an the an the an was things you pick up, but you don't think women enjoy... I do it at my stand-up as well. I just sometimes just read, you know, I love it on the internet, you can go to these places and they just got websites and they just got websites. There's no, like Wikipedia, but you people can, anyone can go on, you can't do it in a library. You can't do an incicinipipipipipipipipipipipipipipopedia, just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just a to just a to just a to just a to just, just just just are spurious, but I, um, I, uh, I, uh, one of my favorite facts is, um, you can lead a cow upstairs, but not down. And that's true, I checked out, it's because their joints don't oppose.

But the first thing I thought was, was the poor... I was the poor man who found it out the hard way. Just, come on Daisy, down you go, I can't go downstairs, I don't care about your joints, my wife's gonna be in me five minutes, get down the stairs. But it's true, but it's true, but it's a true, but point.

I can't believe the cow was not in more of a hurry then. Well, exactly. Well, actually, that's not, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's not a pointless fact. You might, I know now, never to... Yes. Oh, I think that's right. My guess is though, if you really had to get a cow downstairs, you could do it. You could. I mean, I think, I could coax it some way. You could push the cat. It's not like the cow could dodge.

I could show it my lovely combed, settle down. bats always exit a cave to the left. True. It's true. Are all these animal trivia? If there's two million of you living in a hole, you've got other system, otherwise it's chaos. So they go, right, we're going out to go out together. Whoa, what do you mean? We're going to go, all go left, fine. Is that real, that's a real fact. We should try that in the subway. I would like to see that in the subway. Everybody to the left. Even if it's not the way you want to go,

there'd be less bumping in. That's exactly right. There are a thousand types of bat. A thousand types of bat. And all go to the left. There's all go the leftands of your times. Do the bats, do they live together or is it segregated? They're all separate. They're all separate. Yeah. But I think it's nitpicking. You don't need that many types of bat. I think, I think a lot of them are very close. I think

that research sort of scientists get paid by the species. So they go another one, that's just that's just a fat pipistroel now you think scientists are working strictly on a volume basis that they're getting money are all of your facts coming from when you're high late at night watching national geographic do you have any facts that are based in in daylight hour I do watch a lot now I try to educate myself so I do watch a lot of like history channel discovery channel history channel ask me anything about sharks and Nazis. No, I do. What direction did Nazis move when they walk out of it? Polar bears are left-handed.

That's true, it's true. And... But why would that matter? Polar bears, they don't play tennis? They don't write. No, they don't write. A polar bear, what does he do that would require handidness? Left hand the people don't live as long, so maybe all polar bears don't live as long as if they would if you showed them on to use their right hand. And right, this is another fact. A polar bear will cover its toe, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, th, th, that, th, that, what, what, that, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, th. What, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what that would would would would would would would would would would would that would that would would that would that, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, th. What, what th. What, th. What, th. What, th. What, th. What, th. th. What, th. the their, th. What, their, their, their, th. What, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, that so it's creeping up on a little Arctic hair, and the Arctic hair looks round, and the polar bear goes... Ha!

It's true! It's not a fact, that's an opinion! It's true! You check it out. They might not be hiding, they may be allergic. You don't know? Starfish have no brains. I don't know if that that that that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's literally or... Ghost Town will be in theaters on

Friday go see it and when you leave the theater to the left everyone to the left let's go! Join us tomorrow night at 11th here it is your moment is end. Tonight the first dude of Alaska goes on the record yes we are talking about governor Sarah Palin's husband. First dude or Mr. First dude do you know the the first dude even even the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the theirs. theirs. theirs. theirs. theirs. theirs. theirs. theirs. theirs. theirs. theirs. the theater. the theater. the theater.a. the. the. the. the the the the the the the th. thin's husband. First Dude or Mr. First Dude? Do you know the first Dude? Even Mr. First Dude sounds a little funny. I mean, you're going to be like second dude? Or I mean, have you thought about that at all? Explore more shows from the Daily Show podcast universe by searching the Daily Show,

wherever you get your podcasts. Watch the Daily Show weeknights at 11 10 Central on Comedy Central and stream full episodes anytime on Fairmount Plus. This has been a Comedy Central podcast. Do nice guys really finish last. I'm Tim Harford, host of the Cautionary Tales podcast, and I'm exploring that very question. Join me for my new miniseries on the Cautionary Tales podcast, and I'm exploring that very question. Join me for my new miniseries on the Art of Fairness.

From New York to Tahiti, will examine villains undone by their villainy, monstrous self-devaring egos and accounts of the extraordinary power of decency. Listen on the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen to podcasts. Hey everybody, John Stewart here. I am here to tell you about my new podcast, the weekly show coming out every Thursday. We're gonna be talking about the election earnings calls. What are they talking about on these earnings calls? We're gonna be talking about ingredient to bread ratio on sandwiches.

I know you have a lot of options as far as podcasts go, but how many of them come out on Thursday. Listen to the weekly show with John Stewart wherever you get your podcast.