The Daily Show: Ears Edition - Lie About Santa vs. Tell The Truth - Hold Up with Dulcé Sloan & Josh Johnson

Episode Date: December 23, 2022

“As someone who believes in whimsy, as someone who loves wonder, as someone who believes that a childhood has some magic in it, I think that Santa is a good starter lesson.”  - Josh Johnson “Lesson in what? Adults will lie to you?” - Dulcé Sloan In this Holiday themed episode of Hold Up, Daily Show correspondent Dulcé Sloan and writer Josh Johnson debate whether parents should tell their kids the truth about Santa Claus or not? Hold Up is a podcast from The Daily Show. Check out more episodes wherever you get your podcasts or YouTube.com/TheDailyShowSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

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I know you have a lot of options as far as podcasts go, but how many of them come out on Thursday? Listen to the Weekly Show with John Stewart, wherever you get your podcast. You're listening to Comedy Central. Hey everybody, welcome to Hold Up. The show that's a lot about a little. It's, it's, we go back and forth quite a bit over things that we care about that maybe you've never even thought about like that we care about that maybe you've never even thought about like that which is fine because these aren't big

deals these aren't life-changing events these aren't world altering global topics it's just your co-host Josh Johnson talking to your other co-host Don't say Sloan and what we haven't talked about is my brand new nose ring. Bam, bam, the nose ring. I've wanted a nose ring since I was 14 years old. And I could not get one because of acting and modeling and stuff. But now, your girl has an established career.

So if I want to put a piece of metal in my face. Like, yeah. Like, I'm a shot it it. Like, I. Like, I. Like, I. Like, I. Like, I. Like, I. I. I. I. I. I. I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, the. I, the. I, the. the. the. the, the, the, the, the, the the the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, b. B. B. B. B. B. B. B. B. B. B. B. B. B. B. B. B. B. B. B. B. B. B. B. B. B. B. B. B. B. B. B. B. B. B. B. B. B. B. B. B. Yeah, the. Yeah, the. Yeah, the the the the the the the the the the the the the that. I, that. I, that. I, t. I, t. I, t. I, t. I, t. I, t. I, t. I, t. I, the the t. I, want to put a piece of metal in my face, like shot through the nostril. Oh man, I... It's all up to you. Bro it hurt so bad apparently. Oh really? Oh my god! And like I bled a lot because she was saying like, I was bleeding and she was like, were you drinking yesterday? And I was like, yes? Apparently that's's why you're not supposed to get piercings or tattoos when you're, that's why you can't get piercing or tattoos when you're drunk, because it makes you bleed more because your blood's thin. I am, I am indeed happy for you. I'm glad any time a childhood dream it, she was like, I'm proud of you. And for some reason, oh my God, I'm gonna tear up again. It's like it made me feel so much better.

Because she was like, I'm proud of you, you did a good job, I love you, you're doing a good job, and I was like, and all of it, because like you, it's so much pain at once and it's your face so you just freak the fuck out for like a second but she was like you're doing a good job I'm so proud of you and so to be in that moment where I'm not that much pain but then for somebody to like be very comforting and sweet it like really just kind of almost reset my brain a little bit her name is Janice it's Live by the Sword Tattoo oh hey well yeah shout out to her and doing a great job Janice. It's lived by the sword tattoo. Oh, yeah, shout out to her and doing a great job and making you feel comfortable, making you feel seen and loved and held, you know?

Yeah, because she calls herself the gentle pierce and I was like, there's still a needle going through my nose. But now I get it, like, oh, it was really nice. And then she found some studs for my second hole in my hair because these shit's, you know, when you get something done at a flea market, you know, you get what you pay for. You don't thought they would have healed up by the time I got out of the ninth grade, but hey man.

We're all out here doing our best. I think if you are about to get a flea to get a flea to get a podcast, thinking about getting a tattoo from your local flea market, you know, right after you go the farmer's market. I would say maybe, maybe, hold up on that. Take a second. Yeah, take a second to think about it. Think about if the artwork you want done,

can be done by anybody else that's an actual tattoo shop. Now not to say somebody who's in a the local the local their their their their their their their their their their their their their th. th. th. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi, thi, thi, thi, thatu. thi, that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. thi, thi, thi, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. th. that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, thoooo. to to to to to toooooooooooooooooooooooooo. to tha. tha. that an actual tattoo Shop now not to say somebody who's in a flea market is not good No, no, it's not about them being good. It's about them having the proper tool You know what it's like it's like when you're watching a mob movie all right and the person that that the mob is after or the other mob is after I should say or even the police The person that's in the mob doctor gets the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the other the other other other other other other other other the other the other the other the other the other the other the other the other the other the other other other other other other the other the other the other the other the other other other the other the other the other the other the other the other other other other other other other other other the other the other the other the other the other the other the other the other the other the other the other the other the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the other other other other other other the the the the the the th o o' tho tho. thoooo. the other the other the other the other the other mob is o' the other the other the other the other the other other other other other other other other other other other other other other other other the other, or even the police. The person that's in the mob gets all shot up by somebody. And then they take them to the mob doctor's house. And the mob doctor always has same speech. It's like, why are you coming to my home? It's like, well, sir, we know where you live and we were in a hurry. Okay.

Also, we've been here six to go to a hospital. That's all I'm saying. That mob doctor is still a doctor. He's a veterinarian, but he's still a doctor. You know, but he cannot, with the tools he has available to him, do his job to the best of his ability. But if I have a booth in the flea market, because I've seen tattoo artists in a flea market before. They have all of the same tools that you'll see. Oh, okay. I mean, I've never got a tattoo before, so maybe it's all the same stuff. It's just the machine. My friend, the tattoo I have on my hand. Mm-hmm.

Do, wait. No? No? As a thi. As someone who knows you, I know the tattoo you're talking about. But Josh Johnson, we want enough tangents today. I think it's time for us to talk about the topic at hand. The topic at hand is Santa Claus, Cluze, Santa Claus, old St. Nick, Chris, mother fucking Kringle, himself. And I know the audience is wondering, wait a minute, if they're talking about that, they're Santa Claus,

we can't be talking about whether he's real or not because we already know the answer to that question. The question is, should we be telling the children about this man or not? Okay. That is the question. So Josh Johnson, tell the people people people people people people people people people people people people people people people people people people people people people people people people people people people people people people people people people people people people people people people people to to to to to to to to to to to to the people the people the people the people to to the people to to the to to the to to the question So Josh Johnson tell the people what side you fall on when it comes to the existence of Santa Claus Should we be telling the children or not because you was ready to go you was trained to go? As someone who believes in whimsy as someone who loves wonder? You try to act like I don't love Winnie and Wonder?

Wow! The attacks! As someone who believes in magic. Fuck out of here. We're both friends with Matt Richard, so yes, we were believing in magic. As someone who, um, who believes that a childhood has some magic in. It has some... A whole fucking childhood, Josh? A whole childhood, you know?

I think that Santa is a good starter lesson. I think it's a, I think it's a worthwhile endeavor. Lesson in what? Adults will lie to you? Yes, that, that too. What's your lesson? Because my lesson is adults will lie to you. I mean, adults will lie to you is a great one.

That's no one is disputing that. Like, that, let's get that one out the way, all, all, all, all, all, all, all, all, all, all, all, all, all, all, all, all, all, all, all, all, all, all, all, all, all, all, all, all, all, all, all, all, all, all, all, all, all, all, all, to, to, to, to lie to you is a great one. That's, no one is disputing that. Like, let's get that one out the way, all right? You looked into the eyes of a child and you lied your face off. All right, so now when this child, instead of being two is 22, and there's another growl person in their face try to lie, they'll be like, I remember this. I've been living through this for two decades. All right, I'm ready. I'm prepped. Okay? In your world with no practice, they'd be like, oh yeah, sure, you must own this house as a poetry major. You know what I mean? So then that's my thing is that, you know, it helps, it helps instillill instill instill instill instill instill instill a a the sense instill a sense instill a sense instill a sense instill a sense instill a sense a sense a sense a sense a sense a sense a sense a sense a sense a sense a sense a sense a sense a sense a sense a sense a sense a sense a sense a sense a sense a sense a sense a sense a sense a sense a sense a sense a sense a sense a sense a sense a sense a sense a sense a sense a sense a sense a sense a sense a sense a sense a sense a sense a sense a sense a sense a sense a sense a sense a sense a sense a sense a sense a sense a sense a sense a sense a sense a sense a sense a sense a sense a sense a sense a sense a sense a sense a sense a sense a sense a sense a sense a sense a sense a sense a sense a sense a sense a sense a sense a sense a sense a sense a sense a sense a sense a sense a sense a sense a sense a sense a sense a sense a sense a sense a sense a sense a sense a sense a sense a sense a sense of how the world works. I think it introduces fantasy in a way that is both fun and has stakes, you know, and has

a payoff at the end. Okay. Once again, incorrect. I remember telling us some evil woman that I used to work with, not evil, hateful, hateful, hateful little woman that I used to work with, that when I was growing up, because it was like around Christmas time or whatever, and I said when I was growing up, you know, my mom never told us to say it was real. She didn't tell us he wasn't real, but she never said that he was, and she was like, oh, she to told, she told, she told, she told, she told, she told, she told, she told, she told, she told, she told, she told, she told, she told, she said, she said, she said, she said, she said, she said, she said, she said, she said, told, told, she said, she, she, told, told, told, told, told, told, told me, told, told, told, told, told, told, told, told, told, told, told, told, told, told, told, told, told, to me, to me, to me, to me, to me, to me, to me, to me, to me, to me, to me, to me, to me, to me, to me, to me, to me, to me, to me, to me, to me, to me, to she was like, oh, you, she tried to tell me that I had a bad childhood. Because my mother didn't tell me that some fictional white man was breaking into our house. Mm-hmm. To bring me presents.

And I was like, you think my entire childhood was bad for this one, let me, let me get up. Because I almost said something that was that's that. that. that. that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that. that. that she that she that she that she that she that. that. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, she that's. Oh, she. Oh, she. Oh, she. Oh, she. Oh, she. Oh, she. that's that's that's that's. that's. that's. that's. that's. that's. that's. that's. that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's to me. that's that's to that's try. that's, because I almost said something that was going to get me in a fight that day. There's so many other things that happened. Like I didn't grow up with a father. You think that affected Santa Claus? You think Santa Claus was a tip. That's what you think took my childhood out? Was one nigger once a year claiming to do something and he didn't fucking do. But look, did you ever, did you ever wonder what it would have been like to sit in

Santa's lap and tell him what you wanted and then get it? I would have, I wondered more what it would have been like to sit in my father's lap and tell him what I wanted and get it? Fair enough. Your father is supposed to be there every day. Santa comes but once a year. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Ha ha ha ha ha ha. The thing is, as a child, I never, I never believed in it.

Because it never made any sense to me. Well, on top of it, this is the other thing too, because you run into this when you're trying to tell the story of Santa to children who are inquisitive, you know, inquisitive, some would say precocious. Not stupid. Wow. I took gifted classes starting from 10 years old. I was never a dumb child. I learned how to read because my cousin could read. Because this is the most fucked up part about this Santa thing. Plenty of children go, hey, it doesn't make any sense that this man is on a sleigh being pulled by livestock, by fucking deer across the planet dropping off presents, right? Even though they do the Santa Tracker on the fucking news and you know, I've always wondered what they do all the letters that people send out. Because I'm sure they just burn them at the end of the... they can't keep them.

There's just too much space, right? They're burning of these sands. I hope they burn them. They gotta do something, shred them, turn them into more paper, help somebody, right? So the thing that was always the most deceptive of the Santa shit is that you would have a child going, This can't be real. And then an adult goes, yes, it is. And the child's like, but how does he get across the world? It's magic. What I would, listen, I could believe in Bigfoot

before I could believe in Santa Claus. Once again, more practice, all right? Because as an adult right now, you know that there are things that logically, as a smart person you look at and you like, this doesn't make sense. this. th th this. this. this. this. this. this. this. this. this. this. this. this. this. this. this. this. this. this. this this this this this this this this this th, th, this this this is th, thi, thi, thi, this is this is this is this is this is this is th is th is th is thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, th is th is th is th is th is th is th is th is thi, th is thi, thi, thi, thi. thi. thi. thi is thi is thi is thi is thi is thi is thi is thi is thi is thi is thi is thi is thi is thi is thi is thi is thi is thi is thi is thi. that there are things that logically, as a smart person you look at and you're like, this doesn't make sense, but it is what it is, isn't it? And now you're learning to live in a world where things don't make sense, they don't make sense, we both know they don't make sense. You and I have discussed things where we're like, yo, are we all the same page that doesn't make any sense? And you're like, yes. But it is what it is.

And then you're now learning to cope in a world that doesn't make sense that is unfair and full of lies. Right, but the other thing is, is that you're giving us a thing, you're giving us a lie that's not even attached to, it's like as a child I could never figure out what Santa Claus had to do with the birth of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. It would be more sense to me if the three kings that came and brought presents to the baby Jesus, came to children to give them presents. And I know the whole thing of St. Nicholas, we've all seen that fucking, what is it, claymation, stop motion, we've all seen it.

Yeah, yeah. So one dude, I don't know, where was it, the Netherlands or fucking one of them places. Yeah, somewhere cold and white, gave children presents. And then all of a sudden we were like, yeah, and then he did it to the whole world. I'm like, wait, no, this doesn't make any sense. So for me, it's this myth came about because one, one white man did one thing and we can't forget. Like Columbus.

And so, instead of just him being one of the many in the pantheon of saints, now we're sitting on, we put our children in growing men's laps in malls, who came up with going to the mall Santa, who came up with the mall Santa? Why do they have to sit in his lap? Who is this pervert? They came up with this? You knew I was going to do it. Yeah this? You knew I was going to say. You knew I was going to do it. No, I knew you were going to say. This is what I will say. Okay, how about this? I'll extend another olive branch that is not so much about the telling as it is about the employability.

Okay, let's be honest. You see a dude who look exactly like Santa, a spitting image of Santa, right? Right? And you don't really have a job. Doesn't really have a bunch of going on in his life. Okay? Why not?

At least let him get some seasonal work. This man who was not able to sustain himself. Mm-hmm. The other 11 months of the year. You get in some Santa work in November. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. You have to start with Thanksgiving. Yeah. Yeah, start with Thanksgiving.

11 and a half months. Yeah. This ngain got it. Okay, but but because he doesn't have it, let's give him something. Let's give him something to do. You out here, you're you're old, all right? You got you got a bellowing voice that nobody can really tell where your diaphragm is. Your diaphragm is in your foot. Okay? You got a big beard because no matter how much you cut your hair it just spring you don't even

get five o'clock shadow okay you get you get six o'clock nightfall all right here every day and you got a rosy cheeks and a button nose and all this other shit listen like maybe you're an alcoholic maybe it's because they have you know they have a taste for the four local a ta ta. You their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their. And their. And their. And their. And their. And their. And their. And their. And their. And their. And their. And their. And their. And their. And their. And their. And their. And their. And their their their their their their their their their. their their their their. their. I their. You their their their their. I their. I their their. I their. I te. I tell. I tell. I tell. I tell. I tell. I tell. I tell. I tell. I tell. I tell. I tell. I tell. I the I can't. Maybe you're an alcoholic. Maybe it's because they have, you know, they have a taste for the Forloco, a taste for the malt liquor. Maybe they just have something that gets things a bit, a bit rosy in the cheeks. I'm sitting what you don't want is an an elderly white man addicted to Forloco. No, no, it's a problem. No, did you say you. What you. What you. What you. What you. What you. What you. What, what?? What, what you. What, what you. What, what you that you that you that you that you that you that you that you don't. What, what you don't. What, what you don't. What you don't say, what you don't say, what you don't say, what you don't. What you don't want that you don't. What you don't. What you don't. What you don't. What you don't. What you don't, what you don't. What you don't, what you don't. What, what you don't. What, what you. What, what you. What, what you. What, what you. What, what you. What, what you. What, what you. What, what you. What, what you. What, what you don't. What, what you don't. What, what? What, what you don't. What, what you don't. What, what you don't. What you don't. What you don't want. What you don't want. What you don't want. What you don't want. What you don't want. What you don't want, what you don't want. What you don't want. What you don't want. What you don't. drink crack. No. Did you say you'd rather he drank crack? Crown. Oh I thought you said rather he drank crack and I was like incredible. An old white man built like Santa drinking crack would be a holiday miracle. He'd be calling people right Deeds. He'd be like dashing dancer get over here.

Get over here real quick. Sir again my name is Kevin. Yeah sir my name is officer Williams. Yeah sir my name is Officer Williams. Okay, Rudolph. Listen, it's Santa empl- you know, it's, you know, this is a regular troops. You know, Santa employs child labor. I get it. I don't have a problem with that.

Because I think what I don't understand is, are elves always children? I was under the impression that elves were never children. I was under the impression they were elves. No, you have to be a baby. To be an elf? To be a creature. But what's a grown elf? A grown elf is still an elf? Yeah, baby elf is still an elf. Then why are those elves with him look 40? But sometimes they look like kids. Sometimes but a lot a lot of those elves be looking kebler when you see those North Pole pictures and stuff. Well one that's not a real place. Wait a second. Wait a second. A the North Pole picture. Wait a minute second hour and day. Wait wait wait a moment.

Tell me about these North Pole pictures. We have waited to what a third of the way in to start talk about what are and are real places. The North Pole is a real place, but them pictures are talking about the North Pole pictures. Those are the mall in Santa Monica. No, no, I understand. I... Who do you think you're talking to? Like this is, this is crazy. I can't tell. You said those North Pole pictures and I'm like, what North Pole pictures? Are you the mall pictures? I'm talking about in the cartoons?

Yes, the Santa Monica Mall pictures. All of these these these these these these these these these these the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the their I their I their I their I understand their I understand their I understand thi I understand their I thi I understand thi. I understand. I understand. I they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they. I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I they they they's. I they's. I their. I their their thi. I thi. I thi. I'm thi. I'm thi. No. No. No. No, th. No, th. No, th. No, th. No, th. No, th. No, th. No, thi. No, thi. I'm thing about the cartoons of talking in, yes, the Santa Monica mall pictures. All of your source materials. A lot of these elves have beards. So in my mind, they're not kids. Well, it depends on the casting, because in some of them they're children. And some of them, they're adults. And then another ones are just old. Was like, a child, but they're a thousand years old.

Well, like 500 years old. What is an old child? Do you mean an adult? No. Because that's what happens when kids get old enough. No. You know, I've never heard anybody be like, oh yeah, my baby over there, he's 800 months. No, like you ever seen the movie the Santa Claus with Tim Allen?

Mm-hmm. So, you know, when the movie, like, we're getting to the movie, he starts and it's like, he's like, there's kids in here. It's like, why are their kids in here? Shouldn't they be in school? And he was like, that kid's 400, that, that, that, that, that, that, that's, that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's what, that's what, that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's their, their, their, their, their, their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their, their. their, their, their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. th. th. th. th. th. that's, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the th. their. th. th, there's kids in here. It's like, why are the kids in here? Shouldn't they be in school? And he was like, that kid's 400 years old. You see, that's what I'm saying. I see, that's what they're elves. They look like children forever. That's what I'm saying. So when I say old, old child. When you say, that's what I mean yeah yeah you somehow still don't mean

grown you mean an actual old child just a dusty old third-grade also 800 months old is 66 years old mm-hmm because we we decided that after 18 years, we might as well just act like you're an adult, even if you aren't. Listen, I think 18, I've been saying this when I was 18, 18 is not an adult. Really? No. I feel like it starts earlier than that. Well, but for being an adult?

Yeah, yeah. Fuck that. Well, but to be an adult? Yeah, yeah. Fuck that! There's a lot of people, there are a lot of people, I remember when I was like 16 and I just, in my, with my peers, I was like, oh, some of y'all, especially when somebody's like on, on the spectrum of good and evil, right? When someone is very, very good and they actually have so much emotional intelligence that they know what to do in every situation, things that almost can't be taught. They know what to do in lots of situations, they know how to nurture people, they know how to care for people, all that stuff like that. I'm like, you, I understand we're both 16 right now, but you come off, obviously, obviously you come off way more mature. Your 16. Your 16 is is is is is is 16 is 16 is 16. Your 16. Your 16 is 16 is 16. Your 16. Your 16 is 16. Your 16. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th is th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi. the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the 16 is different than my 16. Exactly. And then when somebody is evil, I've met people who were actually too evil,

nothing even, and I'll go out on limb and say it, just because I knew them well enough. Nothing in their life had happened bad enough to teach them how to be this evil. And they were already this evil. I'm like, hey, you all, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you're that, you're that, you're that, you're that, you're that, you're that, that, that, that, th. that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that. that, that, that. that. that, that. that, that. that. that, that. that. that. that. that. that. that, that. that, that. that. that, that, that. that. that, that. that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that that, th. th. th. that th. that th. that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that already this evil? I'm like, hey, y'all are, you need to be tried as an adult, sir. Like, like, that was... No, I was saying, we were trying to say to somebody that, like, me and, uh, me and another guy were trying to talk to one of our friends

because there's another one of those shootings, mass shootings that happened. And we were like, th, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, like, like, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, thi, thi, thi, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, th. th. Like, like, like, like, like, like, like, some motherfuckers are just born evil. And she's like, no, I think that if you're evil enough. And I was like, no, she was like, and I was like, no, no, no, no. Some of fuckers come out the womb wanting pure chaos, death and destruction. And you don't know why, they don't know why. I go back and forward like let's say we didn't know each other right and I was on trial and you were and you were in the jury. Oh you know I don't know I don't because here's the thing you'd either be for me and it be and you'd really

have to be convinced that I did something or you'd be against me and it be be like, Mmm, look, I know you got all this evidence he didn't do it, but I saw his face. And it's like, it's like, oh my gosh. Now you know me, you know me, you know I'd be reading motherfuckers the house down boots as the kids say. Uh-huh. I'm out here reading, listen, I am getting my summer reading together. I'm gonna get these pizza coupons. I c c c c c c c c c coupsss. I c c c coups. I c c cips. I c. I the c. I the c. I the c. I'm the their. I'm their. I'm their. I'm their. I'm their. I'm their. I'm their. I'm their. I'm their. their. their. their. I'm thi. I'm their. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. the. I. the. the. the. the. the. the. It. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the. th. the. the pizza coupons I am reading for the children I am the lie brary and sometimes you just catch a vibe behind somebody and you're like oh let me stay the fuck away from you there's just certain people like that we just like especially as like a as a woman there just start like some I had a guy

come with me he's like hey can I just went nope and I walked on my friend was like what happened I was like girl I was gonna end up on the fucking news if I talk to that man and look I'm just saying they would have found me in various appliances I look like that damn bitch from what's it uh I've been a broken fucking Barbie, they just sold me back together. I look like that damn bitch from, what's it, uh, fucking Nightmare before Christmas, that it stitched me back together like a fucking tore dog, uh-uh.

Fuck that, I want to open gasket. I promise my mom of that if I go first, you gonna see me, bitch, fuck that. I'm simply saying that based off what we've talked about. Some, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, th, th, thed thed thed thed thed, thed, the, the, the, thi, thi, thi, I, I, I, I, I, I thi, I thi, I thi, I that, I that, I th, I'd that, I'd th. I'd that, I'd that, I'd that, I'd that, I'd that, I'd that, I'd that, I'd that, I'd that, I'd thi, I'd thi, I'd thi, I'd thi, I'd thi, I'd thi, I'd thi, I'd thi, I'd thi, I'd thi, I'd thi, I'd thi, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm that, I'm that, I'm that, I'm that, that, I'm that, I'm that, I'd that'm I'm simply saying that based off what we've talked about some people they I feel like they grow up at a different like level and layer and look just to bring it all back I felt the same way about Santa right I was told about Santa and I stopped believing pretty young right but then I think I was, I think I was eight. So from like, that makes sense. Those kids that still believe in Santa at like 12 and 13.

We're always like, okay. Yeah, but you see, that's another lesson. That's another thing that helps you evaluate your peers, right, is that I think this person, we were all, we were all sold the same bill of goods, not obviously not all, because there's different people who don't celebrate Christmas. And I'm just saying out of the mix of people who were sold the same bill of goods, there's some people that fell for it, some people that fell for it and then figured it out pretty quick, and then some people who are still just living a dream. Listen, and I think the thing that always bugged me because I remember in

school not believing in Santa and being taught, because I never believed in them, ever. Because to me just didn't make sense and I think the other reason that my mother did not perpetuate this is because because because because because th. th. th. th. the the th. th. th. th. th. the th. thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, th, th, th, th, th, th, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, th, thi, th, th, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, the, theeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee, thi, thi, thi, the other reason that my mother did not perpetuate this is because my mother worked hard. She raised me and my brother by herself and so because of that I don't think she wanted us to, because she's like she would get us, there'd be like, you know, one of the gifts would be from your sibling, one of the gifts would be from her and one of the gifts would be from Santa, you know what I mean? I'm like the gift, the gift the gift the gift the gift the gift the gift the gift the gift the gift the gift the gift the gifts the gifts would the gifts would the gifts would the gifts would the gifts would the gifts would the gifts would the gifts would the gifts would the gift, the gift the gift th. th. th. th. th. th. thi. One thi. One th. th. th. thi. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I to. I'm, to. I to. I'm, to, to. I'm, to. I to. I to. I to. I to. I thi. I thi. I th. I th. I mean? Among the gifts that we got. And there's always a Santa gift. And by the time I was like eight, I was like, you don't know I don't believe in Santa right? And my brother was like, I don't either. She was like, okay, but we still got the Santa gift. And the Santa gift was the gift that we didn't know what we were going to get like a surprise gift. So it was like, it was this concept, but none of us believed it. Mm-hmm. I just could never get like, okay,

we've a tick with this Chris Cringle thing, whatever. Mm-hmm. Christmas is like, this is the birth of Christ. This is what we're doing, right? Mm-hmm. Because I remember like asking a girl I was like, like, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. to, th. to, the, thi. to, thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. I, thi. I was, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this is this is this is this is this is this is this is this is this. she was like because she had a we were cool but she had a slick mouth sometimes one day I asked I was like why do you because she was a staunch atheist right to the point when she was rude like most atheists are it's always like it's always good to meet an atheist who doesn't tell you they're an atheist because usually when you meet an atheist there's

there's one of the first I'm like this their whole personality yeah it depends on the person the person the person the person the person the person the person the person the person the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th is th. th. It depends th. It depends th. It's th. th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. I th. I th. th. I th. I th. th. I th. th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. th. I'm the the. the the the the. thi. the thi. I'm th. thi. th. I of the, I'm like, this, their whole personality. It depends on the person, because I feel like there are people who, atheism is kind of that, that strain of cross fit or veganism or something where it's like, if you get into it after growing up religious, I think that it becomes a big, it becomes a big marker for you of when your journey changed. Right, because it's like you're being defiant, right? But I asked her one day, I was like, wait, if you're an atheist, why are you celebrating Christmas? And she said, what do you mean? I said, Christmas. It's the celebration? I mean, it's most of the name. It's most, it's not. I was like, I was like, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, the, the, the, the, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their journey, their journey, their journey, their journey, their journey, their, their journey, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, Christmas. It's the same thing. It's most, it's, it's, it's, it's, I was like, Christ, it's, it's,

70% of the name, it's Christ, right? It's Christ, Moss. Right, more Christ. So you're getting extra. Extra, this is the beginning of the Christ. The Christ child is born. And she was like, well, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, th. th. th. th. th. th. thi, thi, thi, thi, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi. thi. thi. thi. to, thi. to, to, what, what, what, what, what, what, thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. well, you know, Christmas is a religious holiday. And I was like, bitch, what? Do you mean?

I said, of course it is. Because that's why people who aren't Christian, that's why Jews don't celebrate it. That's why Muslims don't celebrate it. And Buddhists, all the, and all of these other religious, Hindus, all of these other religions don't celebrate it. And Buddhists, all the, and all of these other religious, Hindus, all of these other people of other religions don't celebrate Christmas. Mm-hmm. Because they're not Christian. And she's like, well, it's an American holiday. And I said, it's literally a religious holiday. That's so funny. It's an American holiday is probably the most American thing a person could say. Dude.

Because it's like, you know when you go to, you know, Ecuador at Christmas time, they're going to have Christmas. Well, you are the Philippines. When you go to Mexico. Mexico, Kenya, China, China, A Afghanistan, anywhere that has Christmas time is always Christmas time. I did find out one of my old boss, her husband, was Romanian Orthodox and they celebrate Christmas on a different day.

Oh yeah, some people do this thing of like, it's the general time, but yeah, I've heard of some people, some people even have their, like, like, peoplethe general time. But yeah, I've heard of some people, some people even have their, like people who do go to church for it and stuff, have their church service on the day. Some of them have it the day before. Some of them only really have it the Sunday leading up to. Right. So you're talking about Chris's being non-relative.

She was like, yeah, and I was like, so you're celebrating presents and gift giving? What are you? Girl, she was so angry at me. It probably didn't help that we were at her house making Christmas cookies and I was like, so why are you celebrating this holiday? This is crazy. Yeah, yeah, you literally stirring things up.

You're better. with your words. Finding great candidates to hire can be like trying to find a needle in a haystack. You might get a lot of resumes, but not enough candidates with the right skills or experience. But not with Zip Recruiter. Zip Recruiter finds amazing candidates for you fast. And right now you can try it for free at Zip Recruitcom slash zip. Zip recruiter's smart technology identifies top talent for your roles quickly. Immediately after you post your job, zip recruiters powerful matching technology starts showing you qualified people for it. And you can use zip recruiters pre-written invite to

apply message to personally reach out to your favorite candidates and encourage them to apply sooner. ditch the other hiring siterutterterter cccocrutter. to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to the to the the the the the the the to th. th. th. the the to to to to to to to to to to the the to to to to to to to to to personally reach out to your favorite candidates and encourage them to apply sooner. Ditch the other hiring sites and let Zip Recruiter find what you're looking for, the needle in the haystack. Four out of five employers who post on Zip Recruiter get a quality candidate within the first day. Try it for free at this exclusive web address, zip recruiter. thoooze The smartest way to hire. Hey, everybody, John Stewart here. I am here to tell you about my new podcast.

The weekly show is going to be coming out every Thursday. So exciting. You'll be saying to yourself, TGID, thank God it's Thursday. We're going to be talking about all the things that hopefully obsess you in the same way that they obsessed me.... the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the talking about all the things that hopefully obsess you in the same way that they obsess me. The election. Economics, earnings calls. What are they talking about on these earnings calls? We're going to be talking about ingredient to bread ratio on sandwiches. And I know that I listed that fourth, but in importance, it's probably second. I know you have a lot of options as far as podcasts go, but how many of them come out on Thursday. I mean, talk about innovative. Listen to the weekly show with John Stewart wherever you get your podcast. So you know Kente Claus?

One, my brother has a picture with Black Santa for what he's a kid. And two, like, just like different cultures were like their Jesus like kind of like tuned up to what they look like. Yeah, yeah. Because I follow the real Black Santa on Instagram. Yeah, yeah. But also I was like, Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because I follow the real black Santa on Instagram. Yeah, yeah. But also I was like, well, there's a lot of Korean churches, right? Because Koreans, you know, Kamsamidah Jesus. You know, Koreans fuck with Jesus, a lot of them do.

When Santa comes to the Korean church, is it a white man or is he Korean? Look, I think that that that does does does does does that that that that that that does does does that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that the the Korean church, is it a white man or is he Korean? Look, I think that that does depend on the culture. I, you reminded me of... You reminded me of... Lord, what did I remind you of? What time my friend went... Okay. This is... Who knows if anyone will find this funny.

Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha funny. So, you know how, sometimes when you're growing up, different kids just have different, like, home situations, their parents have different levels of income, right? Yes. And I remember one time, I was, I don't know if it was an after school thing or if it was soccer. It was some extra curricular thingthing because me and this kid did not go to school together right and I asked him you know what Santa got him for Christmas because we're all little we're like seven or something right and I'll never forget this because even at the time I was like even without

understanding jokes yet because you know you you laugh when you're a kid so like that th th th I th I th I th I th I th I th I th I th I th I th I th I th I th I th I th I th I th I th I th I th I th I th I th. th. th. th. I th. I th. I'm thi. thi. the. the. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. I th. I th. I th. th. I th. I th. th. I the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the., because you know you laugh when you're a kid and something like that, but I didn't understand jokes. Like I wasn't a joke writer when I was seven, you know. And so, but I still understood like puns and wordplay and all, you know, this kid, and he still probably to this day doesn't know how funny what he said was. But, uh, but I asked him what he got for Christmas I would say I give and this kid said all said all I got from Santa this year was a cold right because he went to the mall and Santa was clearly sick that day right so then Santa over

here like what do you want for Christmas? You walk from Crip. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, and so this kid said he literally was like, laid it back from Santa a little bit, because he's in his lap, but he's like, Santa over here like sniffling, like using his beard to wipe his nose and stuff, and it was like, he was like, I think I got a cold, and I think I got it from Santa, because, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like And it was like, he was like, I think I got a cold. And I think I got it from Santa, because like, nobody in my family is sick. And it, but, so I guess he didn't even get any presents.

That's what I'm saying, yes, that that's why I thought maybe some listeners might not find the entire story funny. But I feel like it's important and it's an important lesson because we were talking about lessons, which is one of the reasons I have the stance that I have. But you keep saying that like, but these lessons don't seem like fun. that it's not like, it seems to be like, oh you ask Santa for this new toy truck and you got socks, right? You don't know that your family can't afford this new toy truck. You just know you got socks. Or you ask for, you know, something outrageous. It's like, okay, you have no athletic skills in any fucking form or fashion and you wanted this expensive baseball

glove and your parents got you a truck. Mm-hmm. They didn't, it's not that Santa didn't hear you, is that they know you have no athletic skills. Yeah. And the money they would have spent on this baseball glove. Because you want to be a baseball player, and you have fucking two,

you have four left feet. Stuff can get theyft. on Santa. But then when you, but but but think about like then you become like you get a little older, you learn Santa's not real and it's like okay well then why didn't I get my baseball glove? Did my pair, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, poverty. Or just like or just general like, no, we're not doing that over here. So it's like, yeah, I guess I've never understood the point of the magic of Christmas is the virgin birth. So I don't know if we added in more magic because it's around the solstice time and you know, trying to convert pagans

into Christianity, so you put it at that time, which is why they say Easter is a time that it is, that's why the Easter bunny and the eggs, I'll go along with Easter, that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's, the Easter, that's, that's, the Easter, I's, I's, I's, I's, I's, I'm the the the the Easter, I's, I'm th., I's, I's, I's, I's the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the.. thi. thi. thi. the is theat. thea. thea. thea. thea. thea. thea. thea. thea. thea. thea. that's the me. Also, did you know? I know I didn't know till I was a full, I'm talking about, graduated from college found this out. Okay. Did you know that the Easter Bunny is supposed to bring you an Easta basket like Santa brings you presents? Yeah, yeah. No. Really? Why'd you think they were selling Easter baskets? I just thought it was a thing because there was a bunny and eggs and eggs go in a basket. Because my mother called Easter was Resurrection Day. Yeah, yeah, absolutely. So it was like my aunt, my godmother would give us Easter baskets, but I, because my mother never really told us that Santa Claus was like, and she's like, I'm not telling, I was like, I asked her as an adult, I was like, why didn't she's like, I wasn't gonna do that.

I'm with you, I'm with you, I'm with you. I think that. I didn't, so you, so wait, did you get an Easter basket? I did get easter basket some years. There was one year where I'm like, the it started to gap a little bit. I can tell you Easter baskets for once you get past the age of like nine Easter baskets suck. Yeah they're not they're not good. No when you're an older like when you're a little kid it's like here's little little toil like little things and then once you get older it's like

you put a fucking football in a basket I didn't want yeah yeah yeah what? What? Why is the basketball in basket? I didn't want... Yeah, yeah. What? Why is there a basketball in here? I only want half of these things. Huh? Or I only want half of these things. Also I think it's weird that like in America we say Merry Christmas but in the UK in the UK, in the UK, they say happy Christmas. And I'm like, you motherfuckers seem like the one who be using the word Mary. Yeah, no, that's that's that's that's that's that's that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's th. that's that's that's that's that's that's th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, the. the. the. the.the word Mary. Yeah, no, that is switched, I think, pretty heavily. Like that's like, that's, that seems like we should be saying happy. They should be saying, Mary. Mary. Now, okay, this, this is where, because you were mentioning the lessons. You were mentioning the lessons, but also it's, I don't understand. I guess I've never understood the point. Like for instance, like I don't understand the point of the Easter Bunny either.

Because Christians only got two holidays. Yeah, the Easter Bunny is to me like almost indefensible. It doesn't make any sense to me. None. I'm like, where does they come from? Who sent him? At least St. Nicholas, I think was an actual saint, right? Yeah, and it's a bigger thing overall in the world. So Santa Claus, there are some countries that have babushka. There are some countries that have like there's so many different versions of this same thing that we're all doing. Isn't it the Dutch Dutch Dutch Dutch Dutch Dutch Dutch Dutch Dutch Dutch Dutch Dutch Dutch Dutch Dutch Dutch Dutch Dutch Dutch Dutch Dutch Dutch Dutch the Dutch there's there's so many different versions of this same thing that we're all doing isn't it the Dutch dude that has the slave I I I know about like black Pete but I don't know if that's Santa to them yeah so children

are taught to believe they receive their presence from St. Nicholas who is accompanied by a black servant called Black Peter adults will dress up as St. Nicholas and Black Peter, a white person painted in black face, and visit children and adults. So yeah, Black Peter is the servant, he's a slave. And they are trying to stop it, stop them from dressing in black face, and they're like, but it's a tradition,

and there's only 17 black people here, so how you gonna stop? The Dutch Dutch is Dutchthe Netherlands, so I don't know how many of us live there. I don't do cold white countries. Finding great candidates to hire can be like trying to find a needle in a haystack. You might get a lot of resumes, but not enough candidates with the right skills or experience. But not with zip recruiter finds amazing candidates for you fast. And right now you can try skills or experience. But not with Zip Recruiter. Zip Recruiter finds amazing candidates for you fast. And right now you can try it for free. At Zip Recruiter's smart technology identifies top talent for your roles quickly.

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Again that's zip recruiter.com slash zip. Zip recruiter. The smartest way to hire. John Stewart here. Unbelievably exciting news. My new podcast. The weekly show. The weekly show. The weekly show. We're going to be talking about the election. Economics. Ingredient to bread ratio on sandwiches. Listen to the weekly show with John Stewart, wherever you get your podcast. So like in the UK, it's a happy Christmas instead of Merry Christmas. But then they call Santa Claus Father Christmas, which makes more sense than Santa Claus. Here's my thing with Santa V versus Father Christmas, okay?

I feel like Father Christmas gets a little too close to like confusing the children, you know? Because it's like Father Christmas feels too much like Jesus' dad. Whereas Santa Claus feels like a totally different character. Okay. You know? Like I used to hear people say Father Christmas and I was like, I don't know if I'm with that one, you know? That makes sense. I mean, I still always, it just made it always more sense to me because it's like, oh, we get presents on Christmas because the baby Jesus got presents.

Well, if you get presents on Christmas because the baby Jesus got presents, then why is that that that that that that that that that that that that th. th. th. th. th. th. the th. the th. th. the th. th. the th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th is th. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. the the th. th. the the th. the the the th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the the the the the the the the the thi. thi. the thi. thi. thi. ta. te. te. toge. toge. toge. toda. toda. toda. toda. today. today. today. presents on Christmas because the baby Jesus got presents, then why is it the White Heart of Three Wise Men is the one bringing us the presents? No, that, so when you said that at the beginning of the episode, that made a lot sense to me, and I'm surprised no one has done that as a, I'm surprised that thing never caught on if there's such a shared understanding of the story of Christmas. I think th me when it comes to telling kids about Christmas, the second side, the unfair and the sad side of the lesson and everything is the disappointment. You know? Well because like they're like, you know, Santa sees you when you're sleeping, he knows when you're awake. So Santa's a fucking stalker, which is a joke that's been made a million times. I get it. It's like, it's like, it's like the whole, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you're, you, you, you, you, you, you're, you, their, their, their, their, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, It's like, it's like that whole elf on the shelf thing where it's like, hey, this tiny elf's gonna watch everything you do. And if you mess up, he's gonna, I've heard people go, if you act bad, you're gonna tell Santa,

and it's like, then what did you do the other 11 months of the fucking year? Mm-hmm. Have you used in Santa though? You're in just, you know, strong March? Just flying through April going, Santa, Santa, Santa, Santa's like, this child is four, he doesn't remember yesterday. Like, why are you telling him about, like, threatening with Santa? But it's like, I remember like the first time like learning about the story, right? The Virgin Births, they're going, there's, the, the, the, the, the, the, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, thi, the, th, the, the, the, the, the, the, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, they.s.s.s.s.s. the they no room at the end. Born in a manger, we's the F baby, right? So I remember the whole time hearing this whole story in the three, in the frankincense, mur, gold,

you know, the stars and all this other stuff, I remember going, but where is Santa? But where is Santa? My mother was like, what? I said, where is Santa? And she was like, great question. And then she had explained to me how Santa was not involved with the baby Jesus. And I was like, so he wasn't there? I remember being in school being like, well, if Santa wasn't there, why is he here now?

Coca-Cola? Idiot. Wake up. Understand that there's a bigger thing at play, okay? Okay? Coca-Cola. Idiot. Wake up. Understand that there's a bigger thing at play, okay? Then your little holiday. There's a grind happening. Oh no!

All right? No. Santa's been on a grind for decades now. That was a Coca-Cola bottle incompetent. So it's a Coca-Cola bottle company. That's what that's what we call a partnership, okay? Santa is a brand ambassador, all right? Pushing this Coca-Cola to the children, to the Americas, okay?

I wish that I could be on my hustle the way Santa is, all right? Say you live somewhere like Australia. Okay. Christmas comes, it's hot. Yeah, Christmas comes, it's hot. Or Florida, shit. Sure, sure, I'm with you. That's fine.

I've been in Miami on Christmas. It is very interesting because it's like, when you're my brother got a super soker for Christmas, mm-hmm. Because it was Miami, tell you what right now. You want to talk about Australia, you want to talk about Florida, whatever. Santa makes it over there too because he's on his grind, all right? On 100,000, going how many miles per hour it takes to get from Australia to the North Pole to Florida, he does it all. In one night? In one night. If you told me that all I had that all I I I I I I I I I that all I that all I had that all I had that all I had that all I had that all I had that all I had that all I had that all I had that all I had that all I had that all I had that all I had that all I had that all I had told I had told to do told told me told me to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to told. told. told. told. told. told. told. told told told told me told me told me told me told me told me tol me tod tol. tod today. today. today. tol. to told me. told me. told me. told me that all I had to do to have a nearly year off was to grind for one night, I'd do it.

Listen, but I think I remember as a kid almost trying to justify it, and it's like, okay, there's probably a whole countries that he gets to skip. There are countries that he gets to skip, but he also got the planning, he got the logistics, right? You never see somebody ever tap their temple that's actually saying something smart. He got the logistics, okay? You see what I'm saying right here? He got the logistics down, all right? He got his routes already planned out. He got the elves, because that's the other thing that people don't realize that sometimes it's about synergy sometimes it's about building yourself up and they have people under you so then you got Santa right here right and then he got five elves that also got five elves that they were their friends and then they each get five elves and so you get a

little triangle going right and then a real pyramid we don't really use words like that because that's that's the type of stuff the haters say. Okay. So anyway, you got your triangle of success. But listen, if you want a triangle of success, would you rather have a one side? Or would you have to have a triangle with four sides? I mean, now you're thinking. Now you think it, now you think it, that's actual hustler. That's a, once again, I don't know what's not clicking for you about what's helpful and what's hateful, okay?

So you only do three-sided pyramids. You know, I can tell, I can tell what somebody's not going to take the mission seriously. Like I can tell with somebody's. No, no, no, no, I can, I. I. I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I that, I that, I that, I that's what's what's what's what's what's what's what's what's what's not what's not what's not what's not what's not what's not what's what's what's what's what's what's what's what's what's what's what's what's what's what's what's what's what's what's what's what's what's what's what's what's. I that's. I that's. I that's. I that's. I that's. I that's what's. I that, I that, I can, I can, I can, I can, I can, I can, I can, I can, I can, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can that's not, I can that's not, I can that's not, I can that's not, I can that's not, I can that's not, I can that's that's tell when somebody not going to take the mission seriously. Like I can tell with somebody's... Five facts. Six th. No, no, no, I can tell. That's cool. That's cool.

I get it. You aren't ready to receive the message. You know, you're not really ready to be on it like Santa's on it. One, I found out that, because for some reason the conversation of the genders of the reindeer came up, because... Okay. Because why not? Because why the fuck not. And somebody was saying that all of them were male.

And then I was looking at it, and it's like, they weren't. Apparently all of them would have to be female. Including Rudolph Including Rudolph Oh, okay Because of the time of year and also female reindeer also have antlers let's Google is what I'm saying is that there's a lot of things that we ask because it comes to stuff like this. Because like we're trying to do the logistics. We're trying to like, oh, it already, I said we're Santa's Rain, dear. Here we go.

Dasher, Dancer, Prancer, Vickson, comic cupert, daughter and blitzing. And yes, even Rudolph are ladies. The original eight first introduced in the 1823 poem, a visit. This is so funny. Who runs the sleigh? Girls. Science says Sanders, Ray Deer are all actually female. And this is in People Magazine. Let me tell you something. That just makes me respect Santa even more, all right? Because it makes me respect him more. Oh, so the males of the species shed their headgear mid December. Mm-hmm. So they wouldn't have... So while these dudes out here with busted tail lights, right?

Right. Santa was like ladies. We gotta do, we, we, it's up to us, all right? Is you, me, and the elves wherever they are. Santa is, I think is good. For the, for the children. No, he's not. It's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. th. th. thi. the. things, things, things. things. things. the. thea. thea. thea. the. the. the. the. is good for the children. No, he's not. It's, the thing is, it's, there are parents that work very hard, very hard to give their children Christmas.

Mm-hmm. Might work an extra job. I know that. You remember the footage from the tick of the Elmo's when the women. I'm with you. Yeah. I just fought seven bitches in a target tar tar tar tar tar tar tar tar tar tar ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta tha tha tha the tha tha tha tha tha, for tha, for tha, for the the tha, for tha' th. For the tick of the Elmo's when the women. Hey I'm with you. Yeah I'm ready to dash. Yeah I just fought seven bitches and a target at two in the morning. Mm-hmm. They get your little ass his Elmo. I threw bows for you. I threw bows for you. Yeah I'm with you. I'm just saying I don't I don't I didn't even bring my purse. Your mom did it perfectly. the p-Ims. th. th. th. th. th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I their th. I their th. I their their their th. I'm their their their their their their their their their their their to get to get their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their. I their their their th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I tog. I tog. Yeah. I tog. Yeah. I tog. I tog. I tog. I tog. I tog. I tog. I to to tog. I to to to th. I th. I to perfectly. Some of the presents are from me. Some of them are from Santa.

Parents work really hard to give their kids Christmas and this motherfucker gets all the credit. Not all. I gave, listen, I gave multiple people black eyes for you. Mm-hmm. For you to get this Teddy Rucks pen. I had to boast somebody else to get two of them because I did one for you and your brother. And you're going to go, thank, thank, to go, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their thi, thi, thi, th thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi. thiiiiiiiiii. thiiii. thiiiiia. their their their their their their to get two of them because I did get one for you and your brother. Mm-hmm. And you're going to go, thank you, Santa. Santa's not ice in his knee right now. Santa does not have frozen peas on his knuckles right now.

I do. Then that's the gift that comes from mom, all right? But the plaid shirt can be from Santa. Why don't you you you you you you you you you saying if you're if you're taking this route, I'm saying it to the parents, how about you be a little bit more inventive? How about you make it so that when you have to tell your kid that Santa's not real, they're like, I didn't like his presence anyway. This dude was garbage. This dude was garbage. This dude. th Day one, okay? Kept giving me socks and underwear. You know what? Every year, if you really worried about this, I'm just gonna say, in order for your kid to vote, I think this is a good middle ground between the two of us,

we don't usually do middle grounds but I'm a try, right? Okay. I think a good middle ground between the two of us is, go ahead and tell your kid about the the the the, you get the stuff that they want from Santa and then you put the gift under the tree from Santa and it's just crackers. It's just saltines, you know? And look, some kids love crackers. Some kids will be like, oh my gosh, saltines, I needed some of these. Oh, goldfish. But overall, you can be like, all right, look, Santa clearly not coming through heavy. they. th. to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, the, to, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, and then, and then, and then, and then, and their, and then, and their, and their, and their, and their, and their, and their, and their, and their, and their, and I, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, their, and, their, their, their, their, their, their, they. And, they. And, they. they. they. they. they. they. they. they. they. their, their, their, Santa clearly not coming through heavy with the presence.

And so then years from now, hopefully just a couple, when you have to tell your kid that Sands are not real, they get to learn a lesson about life and they're not as let down because now they know you are the one putting in the work for those presents to begin with. Okay. But yeah, we'll kick it to you to you to you to you to you to to to to to to the the the thi thi thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. tho. tho. thoe. thi. thi. thoe. thoe. tho. tho. tho. tho. tho. tho. tho. tho. tho. tho. tho. tho. tho. tho. tho. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. the. the. the. the. the. the. tea. tea. tea. tea. tea. tea. tea. tea. tea. the listener, you know? How do you feel about it? Do you think that people should be told about Santa, should not be told about Santa? Do you think it's harmful or helpful? Do you think that we did a good job presenting to you the facts of our argument and

some pretty good along the way things? Thank you for listening to hold up. You can catch me on the socials, socials, damn it, and Dulce Sloan on everything. And you can also check out Josh Johnson. I'm Josh Johnson comedy on Tick-Tock, Instagram, YouTube. Find me at those places. I also do a podcast called the Josh Johnson show you can check out. And other than that, I'm just looking to be around meet you, hit me, hit th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thi, and thi, on, on, on, on, on, on, on, on, on, on, and things, and things, and thon, and tham, and tham, and tham, and th and th and th and th and th and th and th and th and th and the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, and that, and that, that, that, I'm just looking to be around, meet you, hit me up, you know, I want to hear about your day. I'm just chilling, you know, tell me a crazy story I love to hear.

Thank you for us and a hold up. Ho, ho, no! I am. Tell your kids about Santa. Show weeknights at 11 10 Central on Comedy Central and stream full episodes anytime on Fairmount Plus. This has been a Comedy Central podcast. Hey everybody, John Stewart here. I am here to tell you about my new podcast, The Weekly Show coming out every Thursday. We're going to be talking about the election, earnings calls. What are they talking about on these earnings calls? We're going to be talking about ingredient to bread ratio. We're going to be the the the the the the the the the the the the the to the the to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to to be to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the talking about the election earnings calls. What are they talking about on these earnings calls? We're going to be talking about ingredient to bread ratio on sandwiches.

I know you have a lot of options as far as podcasts go, but how many of them come out on Thursday. Listen to the weekly show with John Stewart wherever you get your podcast.