The Daily Show: Ears Edition - New Zealand's Super Sexy Accent & William Barr's Contentious Senate Hearing | Chelsea Handler

Episode Date: May 2, 2019

A survey finds that New Zealanders have the sexiest accent, Attorney General William Barr gets a Senate grilling, and Chelsea Handler talks "Life Will Be the Death of Me."  Learn more about your ad-choices at https://www.iheartpodcastnetwork.comSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

You're listening to Comedy Central. Hey everybody, John Stewart here. I am here to tell you about my new podcast, the weekly show coming out every Thursday. We're going to be talking about the election earnings calls. What are they talking about on these earnings calls? We're going to be talking about ingredient-to-bread ratio on sandwiches. I know you have a lot of options as far as podcasts go, but

how many of them come out on Thursday. Listen to the weekly show with John Stewart wherever you get your podcast. May 1st, 2019. From Comedy Central's World News Headquarters in New York. This is the daily show with Trevor Noah. Ears Edition. Welcome to the Daily Show, everybody. Thank you so much for tuning in. Thank you for coming out. Yeah, wow. Oh, oh, all right, all right. All right, let's do it. Let's do it. Let's do it. I'm tell. Our guest tonight, comedian and author, here with a new memoir called Life Will Be the Death of Me. Chelsea Handlers joining us, everybody. It's a really beautiful book you want to stay for the conversation.

Also on tonight's show, Democrats want the Attorney General to resign. Roywood Jr. will trick you into caring about the planet and the world's sexiest accents have officially been announced. So let's catch up on today's headlines. Let's kick it off with some major technology news. Yesterday, Facebook. The world's biggest social media platform and Instagram for old people announced that they're switching things up.

Facebook's privacy shift, the social network rolling out its biggest face lift in five years. CEO Mark Zuckerberg is proud of saying to do more to protect personal information. He also announced changes to Facebook's app and a new dating feature called Secret Crush. And then Mark Zuckerberg making a joke on privacy that did not exactly land with the audience there. I know that we don't exactly have the strongest reputation on privacy right now to put it lightly. But I'm committed to put it lightly. But I'm committed to doing this well.

Oh. Oh. That was like a vacuum of silence. You know what made the moment worse is that he paused for a laugh that never came. He was just like, and that is my joke. Pause for laughter. Like, I mean, on the one hand, I feel bad for him. But on the other hand, I'm glad the robots can't take my job.

I like that, you know? Yeah, they just don't have the programming. You know that video of the robot who falls down the stairs? That's what that was. It's just, it's just, it's just, it's just, it's just, it's just, it's just, it's just, it's just, it's just, it's just, it's just, it's just, it's just, it's just, it's just, it's just, it's just, it's just, it's just, it's just, it's just, it's just, it's just, it's just, that, it's just, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, I's. that, I's. that, I. that, I. that, I. that, I. that, I. that, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the thi. th that that th that th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th the that. th that. th the. the. the. th ha ha, dumb robots. But the good news is, after reading our private messages, Facebook has heard our concerns and says that their new feature is gonna be privacy. Yes, and it's weird that that's a new feature. Like how was privacy not always a feature? It's like when a fast food chain goes from now on,

it's like, wait what we're using before% real meat. I was like, wait, what? From now on, what we're using before? That's not the point. But if you're someone who wants a little less privacy, then Facebook has something for you, right? They announced a new feature called Secret Crush, which basically lets you know if one of your friends has a crush on you. So you pick someone, they pick someone, but it doesn't tell you which one of your friends it is unless you link, which I think is a terrible idea,

right? Because she's gonna make people paranoid, right? Yeah, you're gonna know that your friends have a crush, but you don't know who it is. You're gonna try to figure it out. they're try, I'm thea, thea, thea, thea, thea, thea, thea, thea, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th crush was your grandmother because she doesn't understand how Facebook works. The whole time she's just like, you're my secret crush because you're so handsome and sweet, and I'm DTF down to feed you. Let's move on from the changes on your screens to the changes in your job.

Since the Me Too movement began, many companies have been looking for ways to improve their working conditions, You know, promoting women to toppip the the the the the the their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their secret their secret secret secret secret secret secret secret secret secret secret secret ccets cusususususcrete cuscure their secret secreticrus cus cus cus cus cus cus cus cus cus cuscus. their cuscushe. their cus. their cuscushe. You's cuscushe. You's c. You's c. their c. their c. their c. their c... their c.. their c. their c. their c. You're their c. You's, their c. You're their their their secrets. You're their secret. You're their secret. You're their secret. You're t. You're their secret. You're their secret. You're their secret. their secret.c. their secret.c. Wea. You're their the Me Too movement began, many companies have been looking for ways to improve their working conditions, you know, promoting women to top positions, creating new channels to report harassment, getting rid of where your bathrobe to work day, and then there are other companies who are just like, you know what, let's just shut everything down. In the wake of the Me Too M2 Movement, companies are considering stricter policies on physical contact in the workplace. Some people think even a handshake is too much. A recent survey by a job website found most people prefer a total ban on physical contacts. Companies that do not have specific guidelines in place should establish them and make sure that employees know the rules. So I guess you stick to a fist bump or maybe just wave from the other side of the office.

Yes, many companies are considering banning all physical contact to avoid sexual harassment claims. And I like how the news reader was like, fist bump or waving from the other side of the office. That person is more creepy to me. Hi. And I'll be honest, I'm not sure if that's the solution, but the part about banning handshakes I completely agree with. And this isn't even a thing about harassment, all right? I just think handshakes are the worst.

And Americans are obsessed with them. You guys love your handshakes. Love it. It's just like, hi, Trevor, I notice. I notice your hands. different handshakes. Like I never know what to expect, you know? Sometimes it's that intense guy who squeezes the shit out of your hand like a trash compactor. Then there's the sweaty hands theak person, which feels like they keep their hands in two little tiny saunas the whole time. Sometimes people give you the dead fish shake. He's just like, here you do, you do something, you do something, hul-a, and then th. And tho, and then tho, and then tho, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and the the their their their the their their their their their their their ss, their ss, their ss, the ss, the s a the s a their, their, their, their, their, their their their their their s their s their s their s their s their s sweaty, then, their s' is their s' is? My hand's not a bird. It's not going to fly away. What are you doing? Hold on, hold on. Let's just move your hand.

Okay, ha ha, I tricked you. And finally, if you thought that French is the sexiest accents in the world, think again. Well, we all have our favorite accents. But which country has the sexiest way of speaking? You're in luck because somebody somebody, to somebody, to somebody, to somebody, to somebody, to somebody, to somebody, to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to their to their to to their their to hold on hold hold hold hold on hold on hold on hold on hold on hold on hold on hold on hold on hold on hold on hold on hold on hold on ha, hold on ha, hold hold hold hold hold hold hold hold hold hold hold hold hold hold hold hold hold hold hold hold hold hold hold hold hold. Hold. Hold. Hold, hold hold. Hold, hold. Hold, hold. Hold, hold. H. H. H. H. H. H. Ha, hold hold hold hold hold hold th. H. H country has the sexiest way of speaking? You're in luck because somebody did a study to find out. Readers of the international travel site, the Big Seven, voted and decided the people of New Zealand have the sexiest accent. It's followed by the South African accent, people like for its unique tones. The third sexiest accent was from Ireland followed by Italian and this is what's interesting to me. Australian,

can you tell the difference between Australian and New Zealand? Okay, so that's the list. No, don't get me wrong. I appreciate South Africa being on that list but I think the list is all wrong. All right. I'm not going to lie. First of all, I love New Zealand, great country, wonderful people, but the accent is not sexy. It's not sexy, right? No one's been listening to a New Zealand accent getting turned on. When you know those people speak, do you wanna have six?

Yes? I'm so horny for doing six right now, yes. I would love to do the rubbing fron frfr friends. And also New Zealand and Australia are not the same accent. Australia is much more aggressive, you know, it's like, yeah, like in New Zealand, like, oh my name is Tiki, and I would like to have sex with you. And then Australia, the more like, oh yeah, I'm a grind you real hard, yeah, yeah, yeah, just put my shrimp thape in your barber, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, you, you, I I I I I, thap, thap, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, Australia, Australia, that, Australia, Australia, Australia, tha, Australia, th. Australia, th.. Australia, th... Australia, is is is th...... Australia, is is is th....... Australia, is is th.. Australia, is th.. th. th. th. thi is thi is thi is thi's is thin, is that, is that, is that, thr. thr. thr. thr. thr. thr. thrash. Australia, Australia, Australia, Australia, Australia, Australia, thaa's is that, Australia, is. Oh, yeah, ah. And like the rest of the list is where you got Irish, which is a step away from being Scottish,

so come on, and Italian, I mean, maybe some people like plumbers, but I don't hear it. In fact, the only accent I'm not going to argue with is South Africa. Yeah. My only question is, which accent in South Africa are we talking about? Because we have a ton of different accents, right? Are we talking like the traditional South African accent people think of? Where it's just like, oh yes, I'm sexy, let's have six. Or are we talking about like the Mandela accent? Is that what it is? Don't judge me by my success.

Judge me by how I can rock your body all night long. Actually, okay, now that I hear it, yeah, all right, now that I hear it, that's the sexiest one. No, it's really sexy. Time for me to set your body fray. It's just like, I'm just gonna do that. All right, let's move on to today's top story. The Mueller report. It's the longest running saga that doesn't have Iron Man in it. But it does have a character who showed up late and became a breakout star.

His name is William Barr. He's the Attorney General and dad who just found out his son is going to film school. You'll remember, you'll remember that before any of us got to see the Mueller report, Bar released a four-page summary, which basically said that President Trump was not guilty of collusion or obstruction of justice. And then the actual report came out, and it was a lot more complicated than that, you know. Muller concluded that Trump constantly tried to kill the investigation into himself. But Mullah didn't officially say whether or not Trump's actions counted as obstruction. So it was like a big jump from the summary to the letter, you know, or the summary to the report. Like going from bars summary to

the actual Mueller report is like being told how the stalk brought your baby brother and then watching the video of the actual child birth. Very different experiences. So many people were upset about how misleading Barr's summary turned out to be. And now we're finding out that Mueller himself was also not impressed. Bombshell letter, what we now know about how Robert Mueller really felt about the Attorney General's report on the Russia investigation. In a letter, Mueller told Barr, his message to Congress, quote, did not fully capture the context, nature, and substance of Mueller's views on obstruction of justice. Mueller wrote to Barr, there is now public confusion about critical aspects of the

results of our investigation. This threatens to undermine a central purpose for which the department appointed the special counsel to assure full public confidence in the outcome of the investigations. Moller was especially mad that Barr's letter made the public more confused about his report, not less. You know, Bar's letter was basically the Justice Department of Equiplain of every announcement on the subway. You know, it's just like, ladies and gentlemen, the Sheriff's Farmer, his own family, look at collusion and Donald Trump and all the deals and having a fight for tea.

Next up, now's our fire attack, I see. Wait, so did you say there was collusion? Collusion, I'm not a friend with Donald Trump and that's my bad. And where's the train going? I told you the same thing that was fine. So, it came out. We always assumed when we were on the subway. We always assumed that it's like a speaker issue. Wouldn't it be funny the person like,

I'm like, oh, I'm on the train? And then you're like, hey, man, can you come out and speak to me? I'm on my way. And then they come in the train and you're like, what are you saying? And they're like, I'm saying, and they're like, oh, I'm saying, and they're like, so, so it came out that Robert Muller's, the toobey............. And, the the thu, thu, thu, thu, th. th. the th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thr, thr. thr. thr. thr. they. they. they. they. their, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they. And, they. And, they. And, they. And, they. And, they. And, the tr. And, the tr. And, t. And, t. And, t. And, train. And, train. And, train. And, train. And, train. And, train. And, train. train. train. train. train. train. train. train, train, they. And, they. they. And, they. And, they. And, they. to testify in front of Congress today, the Democrats used Mullahs' letter to paper-cut Bar to pieces. Mr. Barr, now the American people know that you are no different from Rudy Giuliani or Kelly Ann Conway or any of the other people who sacrificed there once, decent reputation

for the grifter and liar who sits in the old office. America deserves better, you should resign. Wow. Man, you know you messed up if you made a senator from Hawaii mad. Yeah, people from Hawaii don't get mad. They live peacefully with volcanoes. You understand? The earth beneath them is literally exploding, and they're just like, oh, on the hill, I'm in the hill, I'm on the hotel.

But don't get it twisted, don't get it twisted, even though the Democrats were coming off the bar. He didn't show up to just be their punching bag. No, when he got his chance, he made it clear that there was nothing wrong with his summary because it wasn't a summary at all. We were not trying to summarize the 410 page report. I told Bob that I was not interested in putting out summaries. I thought summaries by very definition regardless of who prepared them would be under-inclusive. But as I said, I wasn't interested in putting out summaries. I'm not trying to capture everything. I'm just trying to state the verdict. No, you just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the theirsesesesesesesesesesese. theirse. theirse. their their their the the the the the their. the the the their. their. their. their. their. the. the, the, the, the, I'm. their. their. the, the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. I'm not trying to capture everything. I'm just trying to state the verdict. No, you just absolutely used the word summarized, though, in your letter.

Summarize the principal conclusions. Principal conclusions, which most people would view as a summary. Wow. That was the most exciting, boring fight I've ever seen in my life. It's not a summary. It's a summary. It's a summary. It's a summary. It's a summary. It's a summary. It's a sum sum sum sum sum sum sum sum sum sum sum sum sum sum. It's a sum. It's a sum. It's a sum. It's a sum. It's a sum. It's a sum. It's a sum sum. It's a summ. It's a summ. It's a summary. It's a summint. It's a summari. It's a summari. It's the principle. It's. It's the principle. It's. It's the principle. It's the principle. It's the principle. It's the principle. It's the principle. It's the principle. It's a summary. It's a summary. It's a summary. It's a sum. It's a summary. It's a su. It's a su. It's a su. It's a su. It's a su the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the principle. the principle. their. the the principle. the the the the principle. the the principle. the the the the the the the the if you've ever wondered what the opposite of Star Wars is, it's semantic wars. So in summary, Barr said that his summary wasn't a summary. He also went on to say, the only reason we're all confused about what the Mueller report means is because Mueller didn't do his job. Attorney General Bill Barr defiant, saying he did not understand why Mueller did not make

a decision on obstruction. Was it special counsel Mueller's responsibility to make a charging recommendation? I think the Deputy Attorney General and I thought it was. If he felt that he shouldn't go down the path of making a traditional prosecutive decision, then he shouldn't have investigated. Why were those investigated if at the end of the day you aren't going to reach a decision on them? Hmm, I gotta say, even if you don't like Barr, you have to agree that he raises a good point.

Like, Mueller was brought in as a super detective. But instead of solving the case, he just laid out the evidence and then walked away. That would be the worst episode of Sherlock Holmes ever. It's pretty clear what happened here, Watson. The blood spatter ends in the hall. The door was open on the inside and the gunpowder blew in the direction of the bedroom, which means the killer is in this room. Oh no, who is it, Sherlock? Well, that's not my job. Uh, hopefully someone will summarize it for you.

All right, then everybody, goodbye. That's what he did. So Barr basically spent the entire hearing being defensive and combative. And his story is that although Mueller's letter berates him for his bad summary, he says that when Robert Mueller called him and they spoke on the phone page. But when Senators asked for proof of what happened on that phone call, Boss said, I've got your proof right here.

Did anyone, either you or anyone on your staff, memorialize your conversation with Robert Mueller? Yes. Who did that? There were notes taken of the call. May we have those notes? No. Why not?

Why should you have them? OK. America. I feel like I've discovered a fundamental flaw in your democracy. You have no defense against someone just being a dick. Seriously, look at Senator Blumenthal's face. Like he cannot believe what just happened. He's just like, what, what, what, what, like?

He has the face white people pull when they get shut down in public. You know, people like, I want to see the manager. It's like, it's out of here, lady. the manager, J Jjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjj. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. th. th. I'm thi. I thi, th. I've th. I've th. th. th. I th. I've th. I've th. I've th. I've tho. I've tho. I've th. I've th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I thi. I thi. I thi. I thi. I've thi. I've thi. I've thi. I thi. I thi. I theeeeeeea. I t t t teeeea. I too. I too. I too. I the. I the. I the. I the like, I want to see the manager! It's like, it's f- out of here, lady. Ain't no manager at TJ Max. Go, go, go, go, go. Do you know that I'm white? So after a full day of Senate hearings, we are no closer to getting more clarity on the Mueller report. Democrats believe that it proved what they wanted to say. Republicans think that they proved the Mueller report. Democrats believe that it proved what they wanted to say. Republicans think that they proved the complete opposite.

And because Barr has now refused to show up to testify to the House tomorrow, it looks like a potential Mueller hearing is the Democrat's last hope. And look, I don't know if Barr is a good attorney general. I do know that I wish he was in charge of Facebook. Because then, the Russians the Russians the Russians the Russians the Russians the Russians the Russians the Russians the Russians the Russians the Russians the Russians the Russians the Russians the Russians the Russians the Russians the Russians the Russians the Russians the Russians the Russians then, the Russians would never get their hands on our data. This guy doesn't give anything out. They'd be like, give us data on all American votes. He'd be like, why should I?

Because we ask you, why don't you ask these nuts? I want to see manager. We'll be right back. John Stewart here, unbelievably exciting news. My new podcast, The Weekly Show, we're going to be talking about the election, economics, ingredient-to-bread ratio on sandwiches. Listen to the weekly show with John Stewart, wherever you get your podcast. Welcome back to the Daily Show. My guest tonight is a comedian, activist, and best-selling author, whose new book is called, Life Will Be the Death of Me. Please welcome, Chelsea Handler. Welcome back to the show.

Thank you for having me Trevor Noah. And congratulations on another New York Times best-selling book, number one, New York Times-bestelling book. Congratulations, that's you. A lot of people have always loved your writing. Thank you. A lot of people have always loved your writing. I was interested, I was interested, and, that's huge. A lot of people have always loved your writing. I was interested and shocked, to be honest, at how much hot this book had. I knew it was going to be funny, but I was really taken by just how vulnerable it was. Was this a departure for you? Just like literally pouring your insides into a book? Yeah, I mean I've've made a career of oversharing my personal life in inappropriate ways.

So this felt like the first time for an opportunity, for not the first opportunity, but the first opportunity I looked at as an opportunity to overshare in a positive way. With something that was kind of like heart, gut-wrenching for me to go through, but necessary. And so I was eager to share it because I was eager to get it off of my plate, you know, and discover and understand why I'd been such a bitch for so long, what my issues were. So having a professional break that down for me, you're like, oh, paying somebody to tell you what your issues are. I was like, oh yeah, I can take this. Give me more, give me more. But the responses is what I wasn't expecting. The responses from people who have, who are all, we're all just going through the same thing. You know, we're all struggling. I won't, I won't lie. I always thought that part of Chelsea Handler was a character, you know, and then you read in the book and it's like, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, the responses, the responses, the responses, the responses, the responses, the responses, the responses, the responses, the responses, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, the responses, the responses, the responses, the responses, their, the responses, the responses, their their, basically say that for a good 30 years, you never shed a tear, you never really engaged in your emotions,

you were just fighting against the world, and it all stemmed from the death of your brother when you were nine years old. That's a powerful exploration to go to in your mind through therapy. Why was therapy so important? Well, therapy was so important because I was so upset about the election when Donald Trump became, you know, our president, you know. You're being serious about this, by the way, you- No, no, I'm being very serious. I had like a mental, like, I was like, oh, no, no, no, no.

I can't deal with this reality. Like, I'm, that being represented to me, which I'm sure most of the people watching this program feel similar to, I felt like the world became unhinged. And I had, and finally, I had all this energy to place my anger towards Donald Trump. Finally, I had something to be pissed off about other than just being a bitch. Now I could be a bitch towards him. So, it was a perfect joke. You know? And so then when I started talking to my psychiatrist, Dan, who I speak of in

the book, you know, he said, you know, it took me a while to circle the drain a little bit about what I was really angry about. And through that discussion, which took weeks and months, and you know, over a year, it was, Donald Trump represented to me what happened when I was nine years old and my brother said he was coming back and never came back. My world became unhinged. So this was a trigger for me. And I know this was a, it turns out Donald Trump's been a trigger for millions of people. So I'm really glad that I shared it because you know what, I wanted to make something positive happen under this administration and I didn't want them to rob me of another year of my life.

That's powerful. It really is a that it is a that is a thiiiii. that thi. that thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. That's a powerful, thi. That's a powerful, thiolluea, thi. That's, thi. That's, thoomoomoomoomoom. That's, thoom. That's, thoom. That's, thi. That's, tho. It, tho. It, tho. It, tho. It, tho. It, t, t, t, t, t, t, t, t, t, t, t, t, t, t, t, t, tha. It's, tha. It's, tha. It's a thau. It's a thau. It's a tma. It's a tr. It'sa. It'sa. It'sa. It'sa. It'sa. It'sa. It'sa. It's that you take digs at yourself in the book. There's ways that you explore your life, not just as a celebrity or famous person, but also somebody who's living a very privileged life, both as a rich person and as a white woman. And that was interesting for me, because most people talk about white privilege, like a really interesting way to frame it why did you do it that way I'm killing the white

privilege I'm like yeah over here give me more I didn't realize I was part of the problem I think every white person who doesn't think about white privilege is part of the problem not the solution so so for me to wake up and to to to to wa wa wa wa wa wa wa wa wa wa wa wa wa wa wa wa wa wa wa wa wa wa wa wa wa wa wa wa wa wa wa wa wa wa wa wa wa wa wa wa wa wa wa wa wa wa wa wa wa wa wa wa wa wa wa. to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to that I I to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to that I'm that I'm that I'm that I'm that I that I that I that I that I that I that I I that I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I that I I that I that I th th th th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. to thi to thi. to to th. to to th. to th. to to thi. to th. to to that that thi. I'm th. I'm to to wake up and go, wait a second, I am. This is, look at all that I have. Yes, you can argue that I'm talented. You could also argue that I'm not talented. You could argue that I'm, whatever. It's a matter of luck, a lot of luck, and a lot of privilege. A lot of things being rewarded or given then that was a success. Yes. And then my second drink, my second book, excuse me.

See what this is going? I always mentioned drink when I'm sober. It slips out. It's like, whoa, whoa, whoa, where is everything I need? Yeah, but that has been a journey. One of my favorite things I learned about you was, you, you, you, you, you, the, thiiii, you, thi, thi, thi, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, I, I, I'm, I'm, and, the the thi, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, th...... And, th. And, th. And, thi. thi. thi. thi, thi, thi, the thi. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the the the the the the the the th. One of my favorite things I learned about you was like, you're so impatient that sometimes you'll go to a store and you want a magazine but you don't want to go to the line. And so you just walk out with the magazine, wave like a $20 bill at the security camera,

drop the bill down and walk out. And you, like you say, you're like, a black person, Well, what I said when I told my doctor, he goes, give me an example of your impatience and I told him that story begrudgingly because it's embarrassing. And I said, you know, I waved the thing into the security account. I'm like, I'm not trying to steal, I'd like to pay, but I just can't deal with the slowness of the transaction. And you just walk out. And I go, is that white privilege? And he's like, no, white people don't do that either. Oh, I will tell you one of the craziest things I saw. It reminded me of something I saw in New York City. That genuinely, I was just like, wow,

that's like only a white person could get away with this. We're in a store. I don't know if it's like an H&M or Zara or one of those. and she like had like clothes with her, and she just walked out. And then like the beeper went off, and it was like under her arm and everything, and then the beeper went on, and then the security guard was like, hey, hey, and then she was like, oh, sorry, I don't want to want this, and then she just gave it back to and then left.

And the security guard was like, the security, tha, tho, tho, thrying to see. You waive the money. I want to give you the money. I just want you to take it faster. Let's talk about what else Chelsea Handler is getting up to. I'm doing a tour for the book. I'm going to places like Clearwater Florida. I haven't been on a tour in five years. Wait, wait. Is this part of the book. And then you're going to be doing another stand-up special. And you're doing a stand-up special about white privilege. No, I did a special, a documentary on white privilege. It's hard to keep up with all my privilege.

There's just so many projects. How many projects are you doing? So you're writing books, you're making TV shows, you've got documentaries going on, you, you're still doing standup as well. I'm a dula. Are you. Are to to to to to to to to to the the the th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi. thi. thiol-I. th. th. thi. thi. thiol-a, the the the th. the the th. the th. the the the the the their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, the the the the the thi. thi. thi. thi. toda. ttttogether. together, ttogether, together, together, ttogether, tthea. tthea. thea. thea. th thea. th tho. see, I believed you. I believed you. Let's talk about your foray into the weed business. That's an interesting thing that you do. Oh, yeah, I'm into the weed. Well, I think if we're going to have to, yeah, we should be

to stop cannabis. But it's a specific, it's a specific strain of weed. That you're championed. we're going to have to deal with this administration, we should also be legally allowed to smoke cannabis. The whole country. Everybody needs to get on board. It grows out of the ground. And it's our friend. So yes, I'm doing a lot of research

because I'm coming out of my own cannabis line and probably at the end of the fall. And what makes it special? Well, I'm trying to isolate the strain, thhaphavhavh. thh. thrhihihihihihihihihihihihihihi. the the to the to the the to to the the the the to the to the to to the to to to to to to to to to to to to toe, to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to th... thrown, thrown, the the the thrown., the the thrown. thrown. thrown. the thrown., thrown. thrown. thrown. toe. toe. toe. toe, toe,, you know, that's a problem for a lot of people. They don't want to take edibles or smoke weed because they're scared they're going to eat. What, the munchies? Yes, yes. Don't act like you just heard about it,

Trevor. No, no, no, no, I like that. That's a different, I want weed that only gives me munchies. No, I'm serious. I just like, I like... You don't feel bad after you eat all that stuff? I don't remember that I ate all of that stuff. There you, then there you have, there you just so much more pleasant. You know, it's changed your life. It's totally changed my life. You are known as being fond of the alcohol.

Yeah, and bloated. And I'm no longer bloated because of the cannabis. So I'm excited. So the weed, you've said that the weed has tempered your drinking. For sure, definitely. you don't have to drink as much when you, or at all when you're, when you have a little buzz. The weed kind of cuts my reaction time and half, which for me is the benefit, you know what I mean? I don't want to say everything that comes up to my mouth. I also want to be quiet, so for weed for me has helped me meditate, it's helped me be quiet, focused, sit still a little bit more instead of being in your face all the time. Right.. I. Right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, I I I I I I, I, I, I th, I tip, I to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to thi, you to to to to to to me, you to me, you to me, you to me, you to me, you to me, you to to to to to to to to to to to the the the the the the the the the the the th, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, th, th. I thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thin, thin, thin, the thin, the th thin, the th thin, the th thi. I thi. I thi. I to thi, thi, the thi, th face all the time. Right. I realized I was a little annoying. I'm loving this. I don't know if you're on weed right now,

but either way, it's always a pleasure having you on the stove. Chelsea Handle, everybody, thank you so much for being at the show. Life will be the death of me, is available now. And go to Chelsea Hamleth. the Daily Show with Krevernoa, Ears Edition. Watch the Daily Show Weeknights at 11, 10 Central on Comedy Central and the Comedy Central app. Watch full episodes and videos at the Daily Show.

to follow us on Facebook, Twitter and Instagram and subscribe to the Daily Show on YouTube for exclusive content and more. This has been a Comedy Central podcast. on YouTube for exclusive content and more. This has been a Comedy Central podcast. Hey everybody, John Stewart here. I am here to tell you about my new podcast, the weekly show coming out every Thursday. We're going to be talking about the election, earnings calls. What are they talking about on these earnings calls? We're going to be talking about on these earnings calls? We're going to be talking about ingredient to bread ratio on sandwiches. I know you have a lot of options as far

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