The Daily Show: Ears Edition - Possible Prison Time for Lori Loughlin & The Embarrassing Arrest of Julian Assange | Lizzo

Episode Date: April 12, 2019

Actress Lori Loughlin overplays her hand in court, U.K. police arrest WikiLeaks founder Julian Assange, and hip-hop artist Lizzo chats about her album "Cuz I Love You." Learn more about your ad-choices at https://www.iheartpodcastnetwork.comSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

You're listening to Comedy Central. John Stewart here. John Stewart here. Unbelievably exciting news. My new podcast, The Weekly Show. We're going to be talking about the election, economics, ingredient to bread ratio on sandwiches. Listen to the weekly show with John Stewart, wherever you get your podcast.

April 11, 2019. From Comedy Central's World News Headquarters in New York, this is the Daily Show everybody, I'm troubling all and thank you so much for tuning in. Thank you so much for tuning in. Thank you for coming out. Let's do it. Let's make a show. Our guest tonight is a phenomenal musician who you're going to live. Thank you for coming out. Let's do it. Let's make a show. Our guest tonight is a phenomenal musician who you're gonna love. She has a brand new album called

Cuz I Love You. Lizzo is joining us everybody. Also coming up on tonight's show. Aunt Becky is in even more trouble. There's Me Too Panic on Wall Street, and Julian Assange is wiki locked up. So let's catch up on today's headlines. When you think of Africa, what's the first thing that comes to mind? It's probably Wakanda, uh, handsome talk show hosts, why thank you. Or ruthless dictators. Now, Wakanda and the talk show hosts aren't going anyway, thank, th, th, th, th, th, thi, thi, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, is thi, is thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi's is is thia, thia, thiananananananananananananananananananananananananananananan, thia, thia, thi. So. Soan, thi. Soan, thi, thi, thi, thi. Soan, thi. Soa. Soa. Soa. Soa. Soa. Soa. Soa. Soa. Soa, today, today, thi, thi, thi, thank you, or ruthless dictators.

Now, Wakanda and the talk show hosts aren't going anyway, thank God, but the dictators are on their way out. Breaking news in just the last few minutes, word that the president of Sudan has stepped down. Omar Al-Bashir ousted by the army as part of a popular uprising, the army has dissolved government, declared a state of emergency for three months. After three decades in power, multiple sources telling us President Omar al-Bashir has resigned, he is under house arrest.

This is major news people. Sudan's dictator of 30 years has been kicked out of power. Although I like how he's saying he's stepping down. No, no, no, my friend. Let me put this way. When thousands of people with guns come to your palace, you don't get to make it sound like it was your decision to leave. Yeah, like the mob is rushing the palace gates and he comes out like, ah, before you guys say anything, I want you to know that I have chosen to step down. Now what were you going to say to say to say to say to say to say to say to say to say to say to say to say to to to to to to to to to to to th. thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, that, that, thus, thus thi, thi, thi, tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho thus thus thus thus thus, thus, thus, thus, thus, thus, thus, th. When, th. When, th. When, thi, th. When, th. When, thi, thi, thi, thi, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho tho tho tho tho tho thoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo. And also, just another thing, I don't think it's fair to give dictator's house arrest. All right? Because have you seen this guy's house? Look at this. So he pillages the country to build a palace, and then the punishment is that he has to live in it.

That's not a rest. That's not a rest of, okay? In my opinion, they should give the Sudanese people that house and then let the dictator live in the rest of the country that he destroyed. That's what the punishment should be. I can't let you live in the palace. Oh, and you know, this is honestly one of my favorite parts of the story, is that it was really the women of Sudan who were calling them Kandaka, the Queens. And I was thinking to myself, how cool would it be if Sudan replaced this male dictator with a woman dictator? Yeah.

Yeah. Maybe not dictator, but yeah. So I will say this is an exciting time for the African continent. Right. You have the dictator of Sudan who is out. The dictator of Algeria was just deposed. And something tells me that guy's scar is not going to make it to the end of the movie. I don't know why. But I got a feeling. I've got a good feeling.

But let's move on from just about to start doing theirs. Actress Lori Loughlin and her husband, Mosmo Giannulli, could face up to 40 years in prison in the college admissions scandal. E-News is also reporting that she thought prosecutors were bluffing about jail time when she and her husband turned down the initial offer. You can't be serious. Aunt Becky turned down a plea deal because she thought the prosecutors were bluffing. the the their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their. their their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their.s.uuuuuu.s.s.s.s.s.s.s.s.s.s.s.s.s.s.s.s.s.s.s.s.s.s.s.s.s.s.s.s.s.s.s.s.s.s.s.s.s.s.s.s.s. te.s.s.. t.s....... serious. Aunt Becky turned down a plea deal because she thought the prosecutors were bluffing? You see, that's what happens when you're in Hollywood for too long, all right? You just assume everyone around you is also acting, yeah? She's like, wow, these prison bars feel so real. Now for this beat-down scene, are we using a stunt double? Is that what's going to happen? You know what, I know why she thought they were bluffing, though. Law enforcement has a great sense of humor.

You know, they're always pulling pranks, like yelling, stop or we'll shoot. And then when the person stops, they shoot anyway, it's hilarious. So as it stands, Lori Lachlin could face up to 40 years in prison. Yeah, which let's be honest is a story nobody could have predicted. For two years, everyone's been like, Trump's gonna go down, Trump's going down. And the universe was like, okay, look, I can't give you Trump, but I can give you Aunt Becky and one desperate housewife, yes?

Yes? Yes? Mm-hmm? And speaking of celebrities and the law, if Aunt Becky is looking for a lawyer who understands her needs as a famous person, I know just who to call. Kim Kardashian's new profession, the reality star working toward becoming a lawyer after helping a woman get released from prison. As of last summer, Kim had enrolled in a four-year-long apprenticeship at a San Francisco law

firm in order to prepare for the bar exam. Currently, she is studying 18 hours a week underneath two practicing attorneys. I'm like, God, if there wasn't the long college process, I would be an attorney. But I just, I researched that in the state of California, I could assist an attorney for three years and just take the bar. Now, that's who I want as my lawyer. I could assist an attorney for three years and just take the bar. Now that's who I want as my lawyer. Yeah. I want the lawyer who goes, God, if this wasn't so hard, then I wouldn't have done it.

She's going to be packing up her papers at the end of the trial. I'm sorry if the other side wasn't so prepared, you would so be acquitted. But I will say this. I do think it's admirable that Kim Kardashian wants to become a lawyer. Right, it's part of her journey on criminal justice reform. And honestly, I believe in her, because there's nothing you cannot achieve when you really, really want to avoid talking to your husband. Just like, hey Kim, I discovered a new form of energy in my mind. I'm studying for the next four years. All right, let's move on to today's top story. WikiLeaks.

For 12 years, this rogue organization gained notoriety for revealing the secrets of governments around the world. They released the hacked DNC emails in the 2016 election. They exposed Pope Benedict for impeding investigations into abuse by priests, and they revealed that Kim Jong-un had a secret neck removal surgery. So for a decade, governments of the world have tried to shut WikiLeaks down. And today, Julian Assange, the head of Wikileaks and Draco Malfoy's biological father, has finally been arrested.

After an almost seven years standoff, holding international law enforcement at bay, WikiLeaks founder, Julian Assange, is under arrest. Police in London took Asan into custody this morning, taking him from the embassy of Ecuador Ecuador where he's been under protection for years. Julian Assange, now with a beard, carried out of the Ecuadorian embassy by London's Metropolitan Police.

Oh, man. Yo, that is one of the most embarrassing ways you could get arrested because, because look at this. That's his head, and then those are his feet. They carried him out of the embassy like he was an old couch. It's just like, hey, ah, watch the corners. Watch the corners. Come on, watch the corners. And by the way, what happened to Assange? Look at him.

Like in just a few years, he went from Bond villain to crowd-ing hobbits. But the important part of this story isn't how he was arrested, it's why he was arrested. His arrest this morning in London quickly followed by an announcement from the US that Assange had been charged with conspiracy. He is accused of working with a former US Army intelligence analyst, Chelsea Manning, to hack into defense computer systems. They said that Assange had helped Chelsea Manning break and crack

the password to enter into US government computers. That's right. Assange is being charged by the US for trying to hack into a Defense Department computer back in 2010. And in 2010, it was really difficult to hack the government system, because the password was password one. Yeah, you expected password, but the one threw everyone off. And you may be thinking, wait, I don't get it.

If he was hacked in 2010, why is Assange only being arrested now? Well, you see, for the last seven years, Assange has been protected by living in the Ecuadorian embassy. But apparently, Ecuador has discovered that hackers make terrible houseguests. Why was that asylum lifted overnight? There have been reports for some time that Assange had outlived his welcome there in the embassy for all sorts of reasons, including he was skateboarding in the halls and stealing Wi-fi, so that his cat had been making a mess. So, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, they, th, they, th, th, they, that his cat had been making a mess, so the, you know, the Ecuadorians were getting sick of having him there. Okay, okay, we're gonna come back to that business casual cat, but the first thing I need to know

is, why the hell was Julian Assange skateboarding in the hallways of an embassy and stealing their Wi-Fi. It makes him sound less like a political dissident and more like a shitty teenager. You know, like the Ecuadorians were probably pounding on his door like, Julian, why is the Wi-Fau so slow? You better not be leaking documents. And he's like, I hate you. You're not even my real country.

And as for the cat, as for that cat, the most disturbing thing about the story is somehow not the fact that Assange allowed it to shit all over the embassy. No, it's that every day he dressed that poor thing up in a tie and collar. And I'm talking an entire wardrobe, right? Yeah. Like if I worked in the Ecuadorian embassy, that would be my sign that Assange was losing it. Just be like, I need some tiny ties for my cats.

He just got his accounting degree. Be like, okay, I think it's time for you to go, buddy. And if you ever owned cats, you know that cats don't enjoy that, right? I mean, cats don't enjoy being dressed up as people especially don't enjoy being dressed up as people, right? He's not yawning in this photo, he's screaming, help me! Help! And now, because Ecuador has stopped protecting Assange,

he's facing Aunt Becky levels of prison time. Although, a lot of people are concerned that by arresting Assange, the government is creating a precedent to lock up journalists who expose government secrets in the future. If Assange is extradited, the process will likely be lengthy and there's going to be a lot of litigation on this issue of free speech, freedom of the press, as well as whether WikiLeaks a website really qualifies as a publisher and whether Assange really is a journalist at the heart of it. The Obama administration looked at and tried to bring charges against Julian Assange, they ended up deciding that they could not bring charges simply because how do you bring

charges against Julian Assange, when you don't bring charges against the New York Times and other news organizations that publish those very same documents, documents that were stolen and that were published by WikiLeaks. Okay, this really is an interesting dilemma. On the one hand, pretty much everyone hates Asang, partly because he looks like the creepy stepdad in every porno, but on the other hand, many people aren't happy about him getting arrested, because they worry, this could open the door the door the door the door the door the door the door the door the door the door the door the door their their their their their their their their their their their the other hand, many people aren't happy about him getting arrested, because they worry, this could open the door to journalists getting arrested for leaking government secrets. And you know journalists getting arrested would be Trump's wet dream.

Well, I mean, that and the dream where a porn star gives him back the money because he was so good. Wow, Donald, 20 seconds, I should be paying you. We'll be right back. John Stewart here. Unbelievably exciting news. My new podcast, The Weekly Show. We're going to be talking about the election, economics, ingredient to bread ratio,

on sandwiches. Listen to the weekly show with John Stewart wherever you get your podcast. Welcome back to the Daily Show. My guest tonight is a musician who sings, rap, dances, and get this, plays classical flute. Her forthcoming new album is called Cause I Love You. Please welcome to the show, Lizzo! Wow! Wait, I just spin like this, right? Wow.

Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wait, I just spin like this, right? You gonna spin? Oh, why, why are you gonna spin? I don't know. I don't know! I've spin like this, right? You gonna spin? Oh my God. Why, why are you gonna spin?

I don't know, I've never done this before. Welcome to the show. I've been waiting for this moment a long time, Trevor. A long time, baby. I have been waiting for as long as we plan this. That's how long I've been waiting. Let's start with congratulating you you you you you you you you you you you to congratulate to congratulate you to congratulate to congratulate to congratulate to congratulate to congratulate to congratulate to congratulate to congratulate to congratulate to congratulate congratulating you. Congratulations on your first performance. What is this? It's a chocolate from the green room. It's yours. You got me the gift I got you? Yeah. Do you like me why or in?

Please say why? Okay. Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Let's talk about the music. Congratulations first of all. You're gonna be performing at Coachella for the first time. Ever! Really exciting. A lot of people are excited for you. Many of your fans are excited because all of your day ones have been with you on this journey. You know? You create music in a really specific way. You even described your music as church with a twirk. Hallelujah. Hallelujah, Trevor.

I don't know, I feel like my music is really positive and uplifting and I've played enough shows now to ask people how they feel and they always say it's a religious experience or a spiritual experience. I grew up in church and Kojig, Church of God in Christ in Detroit and so that was my connection with music with spirituality and gospel. So I like to bring that into, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you know, you know, you know, you the the the the th, th, thi, thi, thi, thi, to to tho, I th. I th, I th, I th, I th, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to thea, thri, I the, I thi Christ in Detroit. And so that was my connection with music, with spirituality and gospel. So I like to bring that into, you know, the Lizzo world and also I'd be twiking, so why would I start now? I'm in twoerk since I was 14!

You, you have this style, you have a style that's really unique, because of all of your influences, like, you grew up playing the flute. Yes. Right? And what I really enjoy about your story is you talk about how, like, like, there was a point, like, there was a point when you were ashamed that you played the flute. Well, there was a very small window. When I was like a rapper, rapid, a hip-hopped and the back, back of the back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, the, the, the, the, the, the, like, the, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, back, like, like, back, like, back, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, their.a, like, their.a, like, like, like, I was like a rapper, like B Rabbit, 8 Mile. People, mom spaghetti.

People were like, don't bring the flute into that. It's embarrassing. Like, you know, no one's gonna take you seriously. It's corny. You come be a rapper with a flute. No, it was like, I was terrified. You know, I'm a band nerd I know all my scales, major, minor, pentatonic, harmonic. And so you, so you, so you, you go away from the flute for a bit and then you start rapping. Yeah. But there's a really beautiful story around how you started changing your music

and it was inspired by your dad. Yes. Well, I mean, my dad passed away 10 years ago and I was doing music for him. Like when I was younger I was like, I'm gonna be successful and he really, he really pushed me to perform for his friends. He would be like, go out there and play that carnival of Venice song and I'd be like, do you like, like, how fast she can play. And he always want to be to be a musician. He was like, one day you're gonna sing the national the national the national the national the national the national to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be, I'm gonna be, I'm gonna be, I'm gonna be, I'm gonna be, I'm gonna, I'm gonna be, I'm gonna be, I'm, I'm, I'm, I to be, I I I'm, I I I I'm, I'm, I I I I I I'm, I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I, I, I th. I th. I th. I th. I'm th. I'm gonna th. I'm gonna th. I'm gonna t. I'm gonna t. I'm gonna t t t t t t to. to. t to. to. too. I'm gonna, like, tas. I'mto sing the National Anthem at Ball Games. That was his dream for me. Looked at him at Coachella, so. Dream big! But when he passed away, I got really depressed and I quit music. I was like, I have no reason to do this anymore because I was doing it for him.

But then I realized I have to do this for myself because he was doing it for me for me me. And ever since then, I swear to a guy every year on his birthday something crazy happens. I swear to a guy every year on his birthday something something crazy happens. It's a beautiful, beautiful story. It's a beautiful, beautiful story. And I think it's beautiful, not just because of the story, but because of how you've incorporated those influences into your music. So you've got the rap and a lot of people who are fans of yours remember you for the rap and you started rapping.

Yeah. And then you brought in the flute and then you started singing. Hey, out of nowhere. Yeah, where did it come from? Really? Really? You you you you you you you you th you th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th. You th. You th. th. th. th. tho tho tho tho thus. tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. tho. tho. thi. thi. thi. to to to to thooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo. tho. have a gorgeous voice. Really? You think so? Wow, thanks. You do have a gorgeous voice, though. Well, I learned how to sing.

I started singing when I was 19 and I was a bad singer. Like, yeah, cut to the clip of me sounding like shit. Oh, you can say shit. Shit! Shee Wow That feels good baby Yeah, but now now you can sing you can rap you can dance You can yeah, you could actually actually this is one of my favorite moments that I saw of yours. It was a viral video That came out of nowhere and and it blew people away. We actually have that clip right here.

Bitch! I'm a dumbass. Ha ha ha ha! What's that camera? You see, that's magic. No one expects that. Hey! Who's it?

Wow! You see, that's magic. No one expects that. Wow. Do you enjoy playing with people's expectations? Well you know what happened that day? This woman, she was like, we were playing like a homecoming at a college. And this professor, this, you know, this very nice white lady at first. She came out and she, we were sound checking. And you know, my team is mostly brown women. thooe thi tho- th. th. that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thiiii. thi. that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, thi. thi. thi. thi. you know, this very nice white lady at first. She came out and she, we were sound checking.

And you know, my team is mostly brown women. And we were sound checking and she walks up to the stage. This is huge built stage in the middle of the college campus that says homecoming, I have a microphone on. And she's like, do you have a permit to be playing music this loud out here? There are students trying to study. And I was like, bitch, don't talk to me. I was paid to be here. I'm not here for you. That was the first thing that came out my mouth and I just kind of ignored her after that and she tried to raise hell. But during the actual show, I dedicated that song to her and this something came over me. I wasn't supposed to be so angry, but I was.

Well, you say angry, but it was a fun performance. It made people feel good. My own expectations of myself, I'm always surprising myself. And I'm always like over, like today I was like, I'm not going to be able to sing a five in the morning, but I sang. You sang a five in the morning? Yeah, on the talk about, no let you go forever, just I mean for now. You all heard that? He said forever.

I'm sorry. I wanted to talk about how you responded to the idea of body positivity. You know, one thing that has been thrust upon you by people, you know, because of your album cover, because of the way you conduct yourself. People have gone like, wow, she is so brave. She's so confident in her body and the way she looks, and this is so beautiful and so brave. But I've been interested in how you've really dismissed it and being like, no, I'm not doing this for your brave label. I'm just me. What does that mean? Well, you know what I'm saying?

What's interesting is before the term body positive was just kind of like, body positive was just kind of like mainstream thing. I was just making music about my body. thia, I, I,'m saying? I had a song called, I'm in love on myself. And I put that out in like 2015, and I was performing it on stage, and it was shocked people. They would be like, oh my God, how dare she? Wow, she's so brave. Or is she serious? Does she really love herself?

And I'm like, why are you want me to hate myself. And I think that it's so interesting that now body positivity is like this buzzing term. There's no term for body negativity because it's the norm, it's what we expect. So at this point, I realize that my mere existence is a form of activism, especially in the body positive community, and I wear that hat really well with, or not not that hat at that hat at that hat at that hat at that hat at that hat at that hat at that hat at that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that wear that hat really well with or not wear the hat

at all according to this. You know I wear nudity well and I wear my body and my skin well so I'm just gonna continue to be that but I'm nobody's celebrity totem there's you can't make an example out of me I'm literally here making music so I can live a more positive healthier life and if that changes the world one song at a time then so be it. I'm literally here making music so I can live a more positive, healthier, happier life. And if that changes the world, one song at a time, then so be it. Are you kidding me? Because I love you tour, Kiccela April 14th.

Because I love you tour, kicks off at Coachella April 14th and the album will be out, April 19th. Lizzo everybody. up at Coachella April 14 and the album will be out April 19th. Lizzo everybody. The Daily Show with Trevor Noah, Ears Edition, watch the Daily Show weeknights at 11, 10 Central on Comedy Central and the Comedy Central app. Watch full episodes and videos at the Daily Show.com. Follow us on Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram, and subscribe to the Daily Show on YouTube for exclusive content and more. This has been a Comedy Central podcast. Hey everybody, John Stewart here. I am here to tell you about my new podcast, The Weekly Show,

it's going to be coming out every Thursday. So exciting, you'll be saying to yourself, TGID. Thank God it's Thursday we're going to be talking about. All the things that hopefully obsess you in the same way that they obsess me. The election, economics, earnings calls. What are they talking about on these earnings calls? We're gonna be talking about ingredient to bread ratio on sandwiches. And I know that I listed that fourth, but in importance, it's probably second. I know you have a lot of options as far as podcasts go, but how many of them come out on Thursday?

I mean, talk about innovative. Listen to the weekly show with John Stewart, wherever you get your podcast.