The Daily Show: Ears Edition - RFK and Kid Rock Strip Down for Workout Video & Kristi Noem Flies in a F**k Plane | Padma Lakshmi

Episode Date: February 25, 2026

Desi Lydic rounds up the latest vomit-inducing news from Trump's cabinet, including Health Secretary RFK Jr.'s shirtless sauna workout/milk-chugging video with Kid Rock, JD Vance's hot ranch crescent roll recipe that apparently food-poisoned Usha into marrying him, and DHS Secretary Kristi Noem's taxpayer-funded deportation f**k plane. Plus, after FCC Chairman Brendan Carr urged TV networks to air more pro-America content for the country's 250th birthday, Jordan Klepper keeps The Daily Show from getting too critical of the government with some patriotic public domain bangers. As climate change and nuclear war pose existential threats to humanity, space travel offers an increasingly plausible solution, but there's one big piece of the puzzle that still needs solving: space sex. Michael Kosta talks to scientists Simon Dubé and Maria Santaguida about their research on making space sex possible, and tests if he's got what it takes to join the thousand-mile-high club. Padma Lakshmi, Emmy-nominated TV host, Executive Producer, and Creator of the new CBS series “America’s Culinary Kitchen,” sits down with Desi to discuss her return to the reality cooking competition genre. She describes the freedom she had to create this show from the ground up and how each choice was done with the mission of supporting chefs and bringing together the best culinary talent in the world. Lakshmi also expresses how the Trump administration’s attacks on immigrants threatens the bedrock of the entire country, especially in the food sector, and roasts JD Vance’s cooking skills (or lack thereof). For a limited time, our listeners get 50% off FOR LIFE, Free Shipping, AND 3 Free Gifts at Mars Men at Mengotomars.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

This episode is brought to you by Ninja Lux Cafe, the three-and-one machine that makes espresso, drip coffee, and cold brew. No barista skills required. You're listening to Comedy Central. From the most trusted journalists at Comedy Central, it's America's only source for news. This is the Daily Show with your host, Desi Lidens. Tonight, J.D. Vance shares the secret to an unhappy marriage. Christy Gnome joins the Mile High Club, and if you think exercise is good for your mental health,

then you haven't seen RFK Jr. exercise. So let's get into it with another installment of the worst wing. What a bunch of losers. With Brendan Carr, FCC chairman, and hairless Wolf Blitzer. He's in charge of magifying all the ways Americans communicate, whether it be radio, television, or whatever you're watching me on right now, probably an Instagram reel, someone stole from TikTok, and he's got some exciting new ideas. The Federal Communications Commission is urging broadcasters to air more patriotic pro-America content.

FCC chair Brendan Carr launched the voluntary Pledge America Campaign Friday, which calls on stations to promote civil education, national pride, and shared history. This could be through the forms of history specials, daily pledge of allegiance recitals, the national anthem, or music from American capacity. like Susa and Gershwin. Say TV is a dying medium, but way do you tune in for our daily Pledge of Allegiance. The Pledge of Allegiance without me? No spoilers. Listen, if you want to make TV more patriotic, you don't need patriotic music. You need to figure out how to make Traders U.S. as good as Traders UK.

But you know what? In honor of America's birthday, we're willing to work with the administration to make TV just a little more patriotic. And in that spirit, let's get a little boost of patriotism with our very own Jordan Klepper. Yeah. This goes out to you, America. Ring, ring, ring, ring, ring, ring. Yeah.

Okay. That's very good. That's good. That's good. Jordan. Not done yet. Thank you, Jordan. Not done.

Not done. Okay. Thank you. It's how the founding fathers would have celebrated if they were dope like me. Sure. Great. Jordan Clapper, everyone.

Yeah. America like a bugle exploding. Anyway, let's move on to RFK Jr., Secretary of Health and World's Most Patient Zero. After just one incredible year in charge of our nation's health, he's lowered our vaccination rates, boosted our measles outbreaks, and somehow infected the president with hand herpes. But he has just getting started. Health and Human Services Secretary, Robert F. Kennedy, Jr., teaming up with Kid Rock for what they're calling the Rock Out workout.

Never seen a bigger gap between what I'm seeing and what I'm hearing. The music says, fuck the man, but the visuals say, my doctor wants me to maintain my bone density. You might be wondering, why are these two old men working out together in a swing or ski chalet? But honestly, would you rather they were working out in your gym with you? Don't worry about wiping down the machine. I welcome your probiotics. That even grossed me out.

Point is, it's a very gross video, but could it get grosser? Using the sauna wrong? I've just been sitting there, giving hand jobs to strangers. I have so many questions. One, why is there an exercise bike in the sauna? Two, who are you flipping off? And three, how fast can I sew up my vagina? RFK Jr. is doing all of this in jeans?

I really hope you wash those afterwards. That is not what I meant. Oh my god, that water's like the Wuhan lab right now. It's a good thing he's not vaccinated because he could have turned out weird. But, okay, anyway, let's stop. This is too gross. We're done. No more clips. One more clip.

Now this just looks like porn with the sex scenes cut out. Cool boy, can I offer you a glass of lukewarm milk? And now, to the sauna, end of film. But if I can just be serious for a minute, the fact that a U.S. Cabinet Secretary is putting out sloppel like this is such a disgrace to both himself and to us as a nation. Jordan, Jordan, I thought you were done. Oh, a patriot is never done.

Look, I just thought things were getting a little bit too critical in here if you catch my drift. Time to get those patriotic vibes back. Jordan, patriotism and criticism are not mutually exclusive to love your country. is to criticize it to make it better for everyone. No, Desi, you don't criticize the ones you love. You praise them. You encourage them. You don't get mad when they spend five grand on DJ equipment.

No, you applaud their bravery and finding a new passion at 46. You know, that's the kind of support America needs right now. Words of affirmation, even if those words are true. Hit it. America, we won it. Okay, all right, fine. Forget it. Jordan Klepper for the last time, everyone.

Let's move on to J.D. Vance, Vice President and Pillsbury Proud Boy. She and his wife, Ushah Vance, sat down with Lara Trump in a fun interview that was normal and relaxed, so let's see them be normal and relaxed. Well, J.D., I have to ask you. Laughing at.

All she said was, I have to ask you. Ha, ha, ha, ha. I love human interactions with normal humans. Sorry, I interrupted. What was the question? What is the best and worst dish that you ever cooked for your wife? So if she's a vegetarian, I am not. I'm like thinking to myself, what does a vegetarian eat?

Okay, vegetables, dairy, and bread. So I went to the grocery store. I got those crescent rolls that you can get that are very good. I rolled them out like into a pizza shape and put vegetables and ranch dressing on top and stuck up in the oven for 30 minutes. Veggies and ranch dressing baked on a crescent roll? And they say white people don't have culture. Personally, I do think that there's a hopeful message here for men.

No matter who you are, there is a woman out there that will look at you and say, I guess this is the best I can do. But if I could just be serious, for one moment, does someone who cooks ranch dressing have the judgment it takes to be one very irregular heartbeat away from the presidency? I mean, this raises some serious questions about... Johnson, Jordan. Come on, turn that off.

No, no, no. You come on, Desi. Come on. The vibes in here are very, very negative right now. Ix Day. I'm not even criticizing the government. I'm criticizing J.D. Vance's cooking. What's wrong with J.D. Vance's cooking, huh?

I got some right here. Look at this, huh? Oh. Look at this good old-fashioned America pizza, J.D. Vance style, huh? Oh, oh. Oh. Oh. Oh.

That ranch is bubbling, huh? Oh. Can't wait to have some good old-fashioned American diarrhea, you know? Those colors do run. Let's move on to Kristy Nome, Secretary of Homeland Security, and Spirit Halloween's number one customer. As head of DHS, Nome has a busy job starting wars in American cities, but, somehow she seems to have found time for love. A Wall Street Journal investigation is raising new questions about Noam's close relationship

with her unofficial, number two, Corey Lewandowski. The pair, who are both married to other people, have publicly denied the reports of an affair, but people said they do little to hide their relationship inside the department. Guys, finally, this administration has a sex scandal involving consenting adults. We did it. I know it's a bit unseemly, but I try to speak. out of people's personal business. I mean, it's not like Christie and Corey are flying around on a taxpayer-funded plane. Lewandowski and Nome have lately been using a luxury 737 max jet with a private

cabin in back for their travel around the country. Christy Nome and Corey Lewandowski have had the taxpayers lease this jet for their use. Okay, so they're flying around on a taxpayer-funded plane. How do they justify charging the country for their bang bus in the sky. On paper, they say they need this particular plane for quote, immigrant deportation flights. So sure this is the plane they're using to deport illegal immigrants. Hey, sit your ass down and put on these shackles.

And here's your hot towel. And we have a selection of wines for your enjoyment. Can you imagine actually being deported on that plane and the whole time you're hearing Corey and Christy Nome grunting in the back? that. I'd be like, can this plane please hurry up and land in South Sudan already? By the way, it's not just the fancy plane that Gnome is fussy about. During one official trip, people familiar with the incident say, quote, Noam had to switch planes after a maintenance issue was discovered, but her blanket wasn't moved

to the second plane. Corey Lewandowski then fired a U.S. Coast Guard pilot after Noam's blanket was left behind. For a woman getting dicked down on the regular, she sure is tense. I mean, you fired the pilot because you forgot your blanket? That's not the pilot's job. His job is to circle the airport until everyone in the back is that time to climax. But I guess that's the end of that pilot's career. They eventually reinstated the pilot, according to the journal, because no one else was available

to fly them home. Any dumber. Oh, God. The only way this could get any dumber. I don't know, deporting 10 million people and then realizing that they were the ones who did all the hard jobs. And that's really what makes Christy Knoem so despicable.

Because, oh, God damn. Jordan. Getting a little too America-loving in here for you? How was Camp Town Races America-loving? I'm running out of public domain songs, okay? But at least I'm trying. You didn't even start the show off with the Pledge of Allegiance. I don't need to prove my patriotism by doing the Pledge of Allegiance.

That's stupid. That's because you don't know it. Well, of course I know it. I think you don't know it. No, I know it. I just want you to do it first to prove that you know it. I pledge of allegiance to the flag of the United States of America.

A Jay-Z song is on. A Jay-Z song was on. Yeah. Are you kidding me? You fucking nailed that. Get China! Cafe quality brews without a barista. That's the Ninja Lux Cafe.

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Michael Costa has more. Saturn, Mars, your butthole. These planets could be our future homes once we destroy Earth. But in order to be a successful interplanetary species, we must first learn about this vital need, sex. But not just boring gravity-assisted sex. Does that feel good? I'm talking.

Space. To understand the difference, I sat down with scientist Simon Dubet and Maria Santa Guida, two sexy sexologists studying sex in space. Before we start having sex in space, let me go over my ground rules. I don't have any. We're not going to have sex in space. Wait, we're not going to have sex in space. Not today. So I guess I'll just ask you questions and listen. Why is sex and space important?

Absinence is not a viable solution if we intend to thrive and expand to the universe. The future of human civilization depends on sex in space because there's many existential threat to our civilization, climate change, nuclear war, asteroids. In other words, in case shit like this happens, we'll need to smash in space to keep our species going. So there have been no official reports of human sex in space. You're telling me no one's ever joined the thousand mile high club as far as you know? Or at least admitted to it. Well, send me up. I'm ready.

When Costa's up there, it's not going to be Houston. We have a problem. It's going to be, Houston, we got a boner. And since they have no record of sex outside our planet, they conduct studies in space-like environments here on Earth, minus the actual space part. But lots of questions remained unanswered, which is why I was chosen for this interview

because I'm not afraid to ask the hard-hitting questions. How do you initiate four-place? if your partner keeps floating away. How do you stimulate the G spot in zero G? And also just in non-zero G? Like in Earth. How do you have sex with aliens? Yeah, NASA can land on the moon,

but what happens if a condom breaks in orbit? Let's talk Jizz. Where does it go in space? It can go everywhere. It needs to be contained. So there's the possibility of using condoms. Isn't the whole point reproduction up there? But people don't just have sex for reproduction.

They also have sex for pleasure. This is what I tell my wife all the time. But how do you do the nasty outside our planet? One wrong thrust and you're spat into the abyss like an out-of-control fidget spinner. Luckily, there's a solution. Oh, hey. These are sex suits. These look more like Dr. Evil suits. They are the two-suit.

This is the two-suit. Yes. Talk me through space intimacy in a two-suit. Step one, get consent. Simon, would you like to dock with me today? with me today? You have my enthusiastic consent. Okay. Step two, remove the front panel. Oh my God.

Nothing like the sweet, soothing sounds of Velcro to get one in the mood. Step three, attached to your partner's torso. Step four, have a good time. These sexy suits were cosmic thirst traps. Oh my God, I'm feeling the energy already. I was so turned on that I had to try this two suit for myself and volunteer my skills.

For science. science. So step aside Tom Hanks. You may have saved Apollo 13, but for the first time in recorded history, I'm going to have sex in a space simulator. One small ejaculation for man, one giant population of mini costas for mankind. Who's this lucky lady that's going to make history with me and maybe make babies? Meet Judy. Judy, what about like a real female human? I'll take it. Come here. Come here, Judy. It's time for Costa to put the ass in astronaut. Oh, ho.

Huh? Judy. Okay. Judy, how do you feel about chest hair? It's your preference? Awesome. I thought on hooking a bra was tough, huh? Ah! Judy! We learned that we could maybe do some modifications to the zoo.

add some handles. All right, Costa. You're going to put a condom on a banana. You got a bigger one? Okay, here we go. Holy shh. Okay? Here's the condom.

Here's the banana. Ah! It's on. That's for science. They may need better candidates with stronger stomachs. You might also need a more respectful individual with a sense of ethics. I'm 69ing on the moon.

The next steps will be to test some of these experiments in zero-g flights and orbital flights. I did it. Judy's probably pregnant. I put a condom on a banana, and I feel good about... Oh, sorry. Next stop, space.

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culinary cup. Please welcome Padma Lakshmi. Oh, they're pretty good, right? Yeah, I make a girl feel good. Yeah, well you deserve it. We are thrilled to have you here. Thank you so much for being here and congratulations on the new show. I'm very excited. Yeah, you should be. I'm super excited. I didn't think I would go back to the genre, but then, you know, I got an offer. I couldn't refuse and that was to create something exactly how I wanted it. And as you can imagine, I had a few ideas about what I wouldn't, wouldn't do after so many years. As you should, as you should.

How does it feel to have objectively the coolest job on the planet? I think your job is pretty cool. It feels great. Look, I'm lucky. I get to eat. I get to sit on my ass and talk about food, which I would do for free. You know, I have a cooking show and I don't even have to cook. That's the beauty of the show.

And like you said, you built this from the ground up. You created it, your executive producing, your hosting. What was it that you wanted to do differently this time? I just thought the genre was ready for a refresh. I mean, you don't really see in that clip because it's hard to explain the show in a little clip like that because it doesn't have a format. It has no format. So it's really hard to explain to people.

But it is like live action sports. But instead of balls and bats, we have fire and knives, right? So it's, now you're talking. I'm your girl. I know what you're into now. Yeah. No, but like, okay, so it's basically getting rid of all of the obstacles and the tricks and and all of that.

Like in most reality shows, especially cooking shows, you throw obstacles at them, you give them shitty products or you make them fight for the oven or whatever. They're running around. Yeah, no, and I really wanted the best or the best. And I wanted it to be like the Olympics or the of cooking, right? So I give everybody everything they need. There's every tour you can imagine.

Each chef has their own station with six burners and oven underneath. They have every ingredient that is very, very high-level restaurant ingredients. So they're not wanting for anything. I mean, the comparison that I kind of make is if you're going to go to Wimbledon and ask Serena Williams to come there, right?

You're not going to give her a shitty racket. This is true. And you're not going to have her fight for that racket with her opponent. You're going to manicure that court, make sure everything is perfect because she really is the goat. So we have the finest chefs. Because also we're giving away a million bucks. Yeah.

The prize is not too shabby. That's never been done before. No, not even. I think half is what's the biggest so far. But yeah, we're giving away a million dollars because, you know, I didn't want to be the little poor sister on CBS. And so, like, the boys have a million dollars for their shows. So I wanted a million dollars for whoever won, and a million dollars brings a lot of people out of the woodwork.

Oh, I bet. Yeah. And so even the set is designed differently. Like, there's no big lights or, you know, neon or anything. It looks like a working high-end kitchen. It's not even rectangle, like most kitchens are rectilinear, or like a proscenium stage. It doesn't look like a shiny flirt game show. It is oval because people are more creative

when there are rounder shapes, it turns out, and more focused. And so I did everything I could to support them. I mean, chefs have had a really hard time, you know, since pandemic. We've all seen the bear. We know. Yeah, exactly. Yes, it's very stressful.

Exactly. So I wanted to do everything I could to give them everything they need to succeed. And so that's what we've done. Now, I don't want you to spoil anything, but do we have to give President Trump the cup at the end? No. Okay. All right. I hope not.

No. You know, he has a way of doing. Believe me, I know, it's going to be Trump's American color and Mary Cup pretty soon, but I hope not. Don't say those words, let's hope not. Give us something. Give us our cooking shows at least. No, no, no, no. I don't want that to happen. I was watching the clips that you put up. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Well. There's so many reasons to hate JD Vance. I didn't think we needed a culinary one.

And then he goes and puts her right in stressing. But it's so bad. And also, like, he's married an Indian woman. So she comes from this very deep, vast culinary tradition, you know, and he's giving her, what was it, ranch dressing? He's baked in the oven on a crescent world. Also, he's like, she's a vegetarian. She only eats bread, vegetables, and dairy. And apparently ranch dressing. You've been married to this person for over a decade, right?

And we eat lots of things, right? Rice, lentils, beans, squash, all this stuff. It's like, but, you know, I mean, maybe he knows what she likes, because she doesn't really have good taste. My job here is done. Speaking of that, what's the worst thing that a partner has ever made for you? It can't be worse than that.

No. I would not let them back into my bed. Yeah. I would prefer they not cook, actually. Well, it wasn't really what they cooked. It was how they brought it to me in bed. Oh. Yeah. See, normally that sounds like a good thing.

Right. Yeah. Everything's better in bed, right? But they brought me a cup of tea, and my kitchen is downstairs, my bedroom was upstairs. And literally, if they had committed a crime, I would have caught them, because there was a trail of drops of tea all the way up to my bed.

And then the next morning I went downstairs, and it was sticky, there were drops of honey. And you can tell a lot about a chef, by the way they cook and how clean they are. But that's true of men, too. Oh, all right. I'm glad he's no longer in your life. Get him out of there.

Yeah, he's not there anymore. He's not. But you know who you are. You know who you are. As someone who's traveled the country and judged thousands of challenges, what do you think makes the quintessential American dish? It's a great question.

So none of the things we think of as an American dish are American. Not hot dogs, not hamburgers, not even apple pie. You know how they say, like, as American apple pie. Not one ingredient in apple pie is actually indigenous to North America. Not even the apples, not the flour, not the cinnamon, nothing. Yes. But if you're talking about American food, you're talking about elk, venison, rabbit as far as proteins, beans, corn, squash, sumac, all these wonderful things.

And, you know, we ate all kinds of things before America was colonized and we brought, you know, cattle and chicken and all that stuff. And they didn't eat pork, they didn't have lard, all these things. But they did have a lot of wonderful berries, and, you know, depending on where you are in the country, different things. Right. What about beef tallow?

RFK is big on beef tallow. It's obviously not working on his skin. He's not applying it topically, because look at him, he looks like a leathery boot. Yeah. You know? He does. And why, why, why, why, why, why, would you work out in jeans?

that tight that tight and then why are you going in a tub in jeans in jeans they're tight enough you don't need them wet and then he walks around

shuffles around with wet jeans for the rest of the thing and then the milk the thing I want when I'm in a hot tub is like a cold glass of milk yeah no no I am right there with you I am right there

I mean we could go on all day about that but I'm getting nauseous Ginger Ginger, ginger's good for now. Ginger, okay, thank you. I'll put some in my water. Put that over there.

So much of your life's work has been dedicated to living and celebrating and exploring the multicultural experience, the immigrant experience. You see what's happening in this country right now. Immigrants are very much under threat. How are you processing all of this right now, both personally and in terms of the work that you do?

It's really difficult. I mean, I'm in America. I have been for a long time, but you never know. They're rounding up and harassing American citizens, too. It's a very scary time. And I just think it's ill-advised, never mind the ethics of it or the morality of it, but it's actually stupid. Here's why. Every generation of immigrants has helped further the economy and the evolution of this country.

This country amongst all the countries in the world is uniquely formed and a superpower because of immigrant input. You know, the best of the veterinarian, BC, farmers, you know, crying in their fields who even voted for this asshole, and twice, and are like, you know, I have no one to pick my carrots because they're too scared to come to work.

Seriously, right. I mean, I'm sorry about that. I don't want Monsanto to buy your family farm, but, you know, like, that's what happens. We don't realize how much, I mean, the food system especially, but, you know, restaurants, of agriculture, you know, moving that food and distributing it, all of that stuff. But the whole economy, name any sector of our culture, you know, health, education, sports,

music, anything. What would it be without any influence of any immigrant? Work would stop. Work would stop completely. Our country would come to a standstill. And that's what they're going to realize. Who's going to do all this? That's right.

That's exactly right. I can't let you go without asking you something, and this is forgive me for the hard-hitting question. Okay. All right, but you are a self-proclaimed bed eater. Oh, yes. And I myself love a good pizza in bed. I love anything in bed.

Yeah. So I want to know what is the weirdest thing that you've ever eaten in bed. And get your minds out of the gutter. This is not a sex question, unless you want it to be. And then it can be. The weirdest thing, the hardest thing to eat in bed, really is anything with a lot of crumbs, you know?

So I constantly am dusting off cracker crumbs, cookie crumbs, all of that. And then I try not to drink red wine or eat pomegranate or blackberries or raspberries because they're stain. Yes. So I love frozen grapes. I love frozen grapes, and I especially love frozen grapes in bed. But you want to use the green, seedless kind, not the bread or black grapes, because those will stay in your sheets. Okay, are we writing this down? Are we write a...

So your next cookbook will just be meals in bed. Yes, exactly. Meals on a trend. So much for being here. Congratulations on everything. It's so good to meet you. America's Culinary Cup premieres March 4th on CBS. Padma Lachley!

Something the Left absolutely hate. Absolutely hates happened this weekend. White people, not only that, but straight white men, winning at something succeeding, winning a gold medal, while the left focused on the lack of diversity on the U.S. Olympic men's hockey team. Explore more shows from the Daily Show podcast universe by searching The Daily Show, wherever you get your podcasts.

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