The Daily Show: Ears Edition - Romney Retirement: The Mitt Romney Files

Episode Date: October 4, 2023

From moderate governor, to flip-flopping presidential candidate, to Santos-chastising Senator, Willard Mitt Romney has binders full of courage. Jon Stewart covers Romney's 2012 presidential run with special guests Jason Jones and John Oliver. Trevor Noah recaps Sen. Romney's decision to vote for Trump's impeachment and Chelsea Handler covers Romney's special SOTU message for Rep. George Santos. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Survivor 47 is here, which means we're bringing you a brand new season of the only official survivor podcast on fire. And this season we are joined by fan favorite and Survivor 46 runner-up, Charlie, Charlie, I'm excited to do this together. Thanks, Jeff. So excited to be here, and I can't wait to bring you inside the mind of a survivor player for season 47. Listen to On Fire the official survivor podcast starting September 18th wherever you get your podcast. You're listening to Comedy Central. Right before Mitt Romney's acceptance speech, conventioners are going to as always be exposed, I mean treated, to a brief biographical film about the nominee. Now you may not have seen it. acceptance speech, conventioners are going to, as always, be exposed, I mean treated, to

a brief biographical film about the nominee. Now, you may not have seen it. Luckily, we have received an advance copy of said film. And as a public service, we would like to show you Mitt Romney's biographical film, shown at the convention. This year, the American people face a choice between a self-made business man. I know how extraordinarily difficult it is to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to build to build to build to build to build to build to build to build to build to build to build to build to build to build to build to build to build to build to to to the the the to the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the film. the film. the film the film the film the film the film the film the film the film the film the film the film the film the film the film the film the film the film the the the the the the the the the the American people face a choice between a self-made businessman. I know how extraordinarily difficult it is to build something from nothing. And a radical collectivist who says things like,

If you've got a business, you didn't build that. And this. I was not born in this country, and I am the leader of al-Qaeda. This is a story of Mitt Romney, a human being who built that. George W. Romney was a wealthy auto executive and future Michigan governor. But being born his son was anything but luck. Willard Mitt Romney won the coveted position only by out competing thousands of less motivated sperm. And though when he was a teenager,

the Romney family was for a time forced to take shelter in public housing, young Mitt refused on principal to take taxpayer money for his schooling, instead convincing a local businessman to invest in his future. And then, Vietnam. Romney volunteered to serve.

In France, a Mormon missionary bravely fighting the French people's love of wine. It was a quagmire. Sometimes at night, he feels he's still there. B'Jour. B'Jourge. Backstate side, the handsome, connected young man bucked the odds deigning admission to Harvard,

refusing on principal to pay for school with taxpayer money, but instead with his own hard-earned stock given to him by a local businessman. Her name was Anne Davies, and the moment Mit saw her, he knew he was totally going to build that. She was female, the ideal gender for a wife. They wed according to human custom, and then, merging their private sectors, produced five male offspring, tag, Craig, Blig, Marble, and Flapjack.

Armed only with Ivy League business and law degrees and the roller decks of a local businessman, Mitt Romney trailblazed his way to a pioneering new Boston firm, where he learned how to secrete money. From there, it was a series of personal triumphs, from single-handedly saving the 2002 Salt Lake Olympics to electing himself Governor of Massachusetts. But there was still one thing left for Mitt Romney to build. A presidency. As the elite East Coast Harvard educated creator of Romney care started to run, in the most conservative

Republican field in history, Romney realized the terrible truth. I'm someone who is moderate and that my views are progressive. I will preserve and protect a woman's right to choose. We also should keep weapons of unusual lethality from being on the street. He had built himself the wrong way. It would take a monumental feat of self-reconstruction. Seven years. I'm firmly pro-life.

$122 billion. I don't happen to believe that America needs new gun laws. Round the clock operations across 14 time zones until finally... I was a severely conservative Republican governor. What was it? Mitt Romney had done it. I was a severely conservative Republican governor. Mitt Romney had done it all by himself. Mitt Romney did it all by himself. Mitt Romney, he's a human being, and he built that.

As you've just seen earlier, last night, Mitt Romney won big in Florida, cementing his frontrunner status, and today is on to the morning shows for a quick little victory lap. By the way, I'm in this race because I care about Americans. I'm not concerned about the very poor. We have a safety net there. If it's needs to repair, I'll fix it. I'm not the very the very the very the very the very the very the very the very tha tha tha tha. I'm not tha. I'm not tha. I'm not tha. I'm not tha. I'm not tha. I'm thoom. I'm thoom. I'm thoom. I'm thoome. I'm thoom. thoom. thoom. thoom. thoom. thoom. I'm thoom. I'm thoom. I'm thoom. I'm thoom. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. toe. toe. toe. toe. toe. toe. toe. toe. toe. toe. toe. toe. toe. net there. If it needs to repair, I'll fix it. I'm not concerned about the very rich. They're doing just fine. Zagot, Thaka, Bukit, they're the, thag, tha, ga, ga, ziq. Did you just suggest that you don't need to care about the very rich because they're fine, but also equivalently the very poor because they're they're they're, the, the, the, they're, the, the, the, the, the, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, tho, tho, tho, tho, tha, thick, tha, tha, tha, the, the, the, tha, tha, tha, tha, tha, tha, tha, tha, tha, tha, tha, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, tha, tha, tha, tha, tha, tha, tha, tha, tha, tha, tha, tha, tha, tha, tha, tha, tha, tha, tha, th're okay too because you know the reason the net is there is there not okay it's it's like a doctor going you know I'm not concerned about the very healthy because they're doing fine or the very sick because you know morphine you know what I'm saying but you know I mean I heard it

wrong I could have heard it wrong you know obviously that sound weird to anybody else you just said I'm not concerned about the very poor because they have a safety net, and I think there are lots of very poor Americans who are struggling who would say, that sounds odd. Can you explain that? Okay. T. TV news person just heard what candidate said and then stopped him and made him splain himself.

Like a flower blooming in the desert. Quick! Someone dig that up and get it away from CNN before one of their giant holographic monitors falls and crushes it. Well, you had to finish the sentence, Soledad. I said, I'm not concerned about the very poor that have a safety net, but if it has holes in it, I will repair them. Right, but it's still a fucking net. And here's the thing about being in a net.

Being in a net is bad, whether you're a butterfly or a fish, or a trapeze artist, or a poor person. If you're in a net, if you're in a the, something has gone terribly, terribly wrong. But you know what? I'm sure, Romney gets a chance to clarify his statements. He'll in no way reinforce his aristocratic patrician, Master of the Universe-ishness. The challenge right now, we will hear for the Democrat Party the plight of the poor, and there's no question, it's not good being poor. I mean they've got to play tennis on public courts. Ride rental ponies when their butlers tucked them in at night.

I can only imagine the threat count on their linens. My point is we don't need to be concerned about it. For more on Mitt Romney's apparent conflation of the very rich and very poor as constituencies unneeding of attention we're joined by Jason Jones and John Oliver. Very nice to see you. All right. We're gonna play a little class warfare experiment. Yeah, we're not gonna let you divide us. Team very poor we're gonna start with you. Oh, whoa, whoa, whoa, nice try there, Stuart, okay, but we're not going to play your little class warfare experiment. Yeah, we're not going to let you divide us.

I'm not trying to divide you, but you both represent the two most extreme socioeconomic groups in this country. No, don't try to pit the 1% against the equivalent 1%. Actually, I think your numbers might be off. the tho. Very poor is like 7%. Poverty is like 15%. No, no, no, no. We're exactly the same. We're two peas in a pad.

Bugs in my bed. I say potato. And I say, do you actually have a potato? Because I could eat the hell out of a potato right now. I am massively hungry. But, but to be, th constituencies can be ignored because they're doing okay. Absolutely yes. I mean I can take all my massive real estate holdings and defer the taxes through 1031 exchanges and minimize my IRS exposure through

my Cayman Island subsidiaries and an almost sarcastic amount of trusts. So I don't worry about me I'm fine. Mm-hmm. John. Well, I receive $12 per day from the government, so no worries about me. Pretty comfortable safety net. Twinsies!

Right. You know what's funny is I have a net too. Ah, it's more like a golden parachute, but same idea. Sorry, same. Our life experience are incredibly similar. We both love to fish. That's true. Last week I went fishing for Marlin down in Key West.

Yeah, and just yesterday I was under a bridge in the East River trying to augment my protein intake. I caught a boot and a used condom. Delicious. Uh, well, we both like baseball. Yes, go sports. Um, we both love modern family. Yeah, who doesn't? And we're taxed at the same rate. Yep. Wait, what? How the fuck is that possible? How does that... How does that... You have no idea how much money it costs to get that kind of stuff through?

He is right there, to be fair. Right, but you see no difference then in your circumstance? You don't see... No, you can't divide us with your class warfare, Stuart! I am rich. And I am poor. When we go home we both walk through front doors. Mine is solid mahogany. I don't really have a door. It's true, it's a beaded curtain. I am poor.

And I am rich. I like forgra. I don't know what that is. So please don't be concerned about us, because we're both okay. Except for me, I'm not okay. He's fine. I'm not okay. He's fine. I'm not okay at all. It's been the same.

Jason Jones and John Oliver. We'll be right back. Hey everybody, John Stewart here. I am here to tell you about my new podcast, the weekly show coming out every Thursday. We're going to be talking about the election earnings calls. What are they talking about on these earnings calls? We're going to be talking about ingredient to bread ratio on sandwiches. I know you have a lot of options as far as podcasts go, but how many of them come out on Thursday.

Listen to the weekly show with John Stewart wherever you get your podcast. Let's begin tonight with the presidency. I think if there's one thing everyone can agree on in the entire country, it's that Barack Obama is... The worst president we've had in my lifetime. He's the worst president. The absolute worst president. The worst president in history. Exactly. Barack Obama is objectively, arithmetically the worst president in history. Exactly. Barack Obama is objectively, arithmetically, the worst president in history.

And that includes our 30th president, Calvin Culeo. Remember then, it's when America had descended into a bit of a gangstows paradise. Anyway, Obama's place is the worst president in history explains why he is getting so crushed. President Obama is leading Mitt Romney nationally by five points among likely voters. With support, crushed with support. Well Romney's inability to trounce, history's worst president was all scheduled to change this week with a very announced campaign reboot, which as you know involves Mr. Romney taking a paper clip and

putting it into a hole. I don't want to talk about it. Um, brings back memories of one I used to have to reboot rough men at the genius bar. I... Unfortunately, Ronnie's reboot was thrown off just a tad. There are 47% of the people who have bought for the president no matter what. Who are dependent on government, who believe that they're victims, who believe that they're entitled to health care, to food, to housing, to you name it. Entitled to food! MEDAIDUZN! entitled to food, medicine, roofs. That's the Republican candidate for the presidency,

seemingly characterizing a broad swath of Americans, which would include veterans the elderly, the working poor and much of the middle class, as a bunch of lazy freeloaders. It touched off a firestorm everywhere, but nowhere more acutely than at Romney Campaign headquarters. It touched off a firestorm everywhere, but nowhere more acutely than at Romney Campaign Headquarters, where it triggered something I like to call, chaos on bullshit mountain. Bullshit Mountain! That said exploding bullshit dust you've all heard so much about.

That's an exploding bullshit dust you've all heard so much about. In the 48 hours since the Romney video first gained wide exposure, Turd containment crews have been working overtime on Bullshit Mountain. Keep in mind, it was posted by a left-wing website. Mother Jones, by the way, put this tape out. Mother Jones, the magazine No One Reads. Yeah. We're even word that Jimmy Carter's grandson

might have played an instrumental role in getting this video. Oh my God, your campaign got blown up by Jimmy Carter's grandson? Oh, the Habitat for Humanity! So Word 1 from Bullshit Mountain is, well yeah, he said it, but you only found out about it because of people that we don't like. What's Word 2? What's word 2?? With the way he said it was not the best way of saying something like this. It was he confused a lot of things he messed up in that. It's not the great the most ideal language to be eavesdroped on. I wasn't criticizing them. He was saying that the American dream should be open to everybody. You're looking and hearing the cynical, condescending plutocratic words he was saying. It it it it it it it was the th it was th it was the th it was th it was th it was th it was th it was th it was the th it was th. It was th. It was thi it was saying it was not it was not it was not it was not it was not it was not it was not it was not it was not it was not it was not it was not the the the the the the the the thi thi the best the best it was it was not it was not it was not it was not it was not it was not it was not it was not it was not it was not it was not it was not it was not it was not it was not it was not it was not it was not it was not it was not it was not it was not it was not it was not it was not it was not the the the the the the the the the the the the the the best. It was saying. It was saying. It was saying. It was saying. It was saying. It was not the the the the the the best. the the the best. the thi. the best thi. the best the best thi. open to everybody. You're looking and hearing the cynical, condescending, plutocratic words.

He was saying, not the aspirational optimistic message, he, in retrospect, should have been meaning. It's like Romney Jazz, it's the words you don't hear. That's the, so, inartful words from a dubious source. This is really just inartful words from a dubious source. This is really just inartful words from a dubious source. Oh, and one other thing. This is factually accurate what Romney is saying. If I'm Governor Romney, I run with this all day long. It was the truth. He's a boss who says the truth, but the truth often hurts.

I think this will be seen as a win for Romney. Let me let me let me let me sum up the message from Bullshit Mountain if I may. This inartfully stated dirty liberal smear is a truthful expression of Mitt Romney's political philosophy and it is a winner. Let me tell you something you don don't summit bullshit mountain unless you know your way around a third or two. Now as you know, last night the presidential campaign headed to Hofstra University where the candidates debated before a diverse town hall crowd of Long Islanders ranging from

Italian guys to other Italian guys to a Jewish guy and his mom. Such diversity in Long Island. The first question somehow ended up on the auto industry rescue. And I know he keeps saying you wanted to take Detroit bankrupt. Well the president took Detroit bankrupt. You took General Motors bankrupt. You took Christ or bankrupt. That was precisely what I recommended and ultimately what happened. Okay. In fact Obama's publicly You took Christ or bankrupt. That was precisely what I recommended and ultimately what happened. Well, okay. In fact, Obama's publicly financed Detroit auto industry managed bankruptcy is not precisely

what Romney recommended. Romney precisely recommended private credit, which at the time was, to be precise, non-existent, meaning under his plan Detroit's bankruptcy would have been unmanaged and quite permanent. So the big question would be, which version of Barack Obama would respond? The first debates, Sleepy Time McGillicuddy or Pretty Talk Jones? Candy, what Governor Romney said just isn't true. It's alive! It's alive!

It's alive! It's alive! It's alive! It's alive! Woo! Woo! Yes, President Barack Obama decided to attend this debate. And the two candidates could finally have a truthful, substantive discussion about how much they hate each other. Governor, we have actually produced more oil. No, no, how much did you cut licenses and permits

on federal land and federal waters? We can actually make a profit. And production on government land is down 14%. No, it is. the production on gas is down 9%? You'll get your chance in a moment, I'm still speaking. And the answer is, I don't believe people think that's the case because I wasn't a question. Oh, I believe you meant to add, moth the f-f- Wasn't a question, moth-a-b-fooke.

Romney was sharp and drew blood. He said that by now we'd have unemployment at 5.4 percent. The difference between where it is and 5.4 percent is 9 million Americans without work. Pshh! That's going to leave a mark. But for every point Romney made, the president made more. Governor Romney was for an assault weapons ban before he was against it. Governor Romney doesn't have a five-point plan, he has a one-point plan. The math doesn't add up.

I don't look at my pension. It's not as big as yours. Governor, you're the last person who's going to get tough on China is that guy Romney. I mean for God's sakes. Romney was assembled at Apple's Foxcon Factory in Beijing. I mean, that's why he's so well designed. Romney also, Romney had some other issues. I don't believe that bureaucrats in Washington should tell someone whether they can use contraceptives or not. Yeah, you should tell that to your disembodied voice that supported the Blunt amendment which does limit choice. Of course I support th Yeah, you should tell that to your disembodied voice that supported the blunt amendment, which does limit choice. Of course I support the blunt amendment.

I thought it's talking about some state law that prevented people from getting contraception. So I talked about contraceptives and so forth, so I really misunderstood the question. Yeah. By the way, for those of you, let's say, in your dorm rooms right now, filling a large tube with water or carving an apple whose ears may have perked up at the mention of a blunt amendment it has nothing to do with that. Romney had some odd moments like when describing his efforts as governor to recruit more women for cabinet positions. I went to a number of women's groups and said can you help us find folks and they brought us a whole binders full of women uh more women for cabinet positions. I went to a number of women's groups and said, can you help us find folks?

And they brought us a whole binders full of women. A couple of things. A couple of things. One, the woman's group was called Mass Gap and they approached Governor Romney, not the other way around. And two, my guess is they did not refer to what they presented as whole binders full of women. But perhaps referred to it as a well-organized collection of qualified resumes.

But hey! Binder of women, book abroad, notebook and nipples, whatever. But of course, Mitt Romney still had an ace in the hole. The Obama administration's confused handling at the consulate attack in Libya, killed four Americans. It was a terrorist attack, and it took a long time for that to be told to the American people. Whether there was some misleading or instead whether we just didn't know what happened. I think you have to ask yourself, why didn't we know five days later, when the ambassador

to the United Nations went on TV to say that this was a demonstration, how could we have not known? Boom! Mr. President, you just walked into a mid-storm. The day after the attack, Governor, I stood in the Rose Garden, and I told the American people in the world that we were gonna find out exactly what happened, that this was an act of terror, and I also said that we're gonna hunt down those who committed this crime.

Okay. Forthful. And I also said that we're going to hunt down those who committed this crime. Okay. It's forceful. Remind people that killing terrorists is kind of yo-thing. But still does not fully explain the colossal confusion-fueled fuck-ups that were Benghazi. As long as Romney doesn't inexplicably walk into some weird nitpicky semantic trap that hadn't even really been set. I think it's interesting the president just said something which is that on the day after the attack he went in the Rose Garden and said that this was an act of terror.

Oh boy. You said in the Rose Garden, the day after the attack, it was an act of terror. It was not a spontaneous demonstration. Is that what you're saying? Please proceed, Governor. There's your first clue. When you feel you're about to spring, what you Governor Romney think is the checkmate moment of the debate, and your debate opponent says to you, please, proceed. Hold on.

Are you trying to open that door? Allow me to open it while. The door that you appear to want to walk through. But when your opponent does that, you might want to take your breath and wonder if, a wily coyote-in-the-roadrunner. That door, your opponent is pointing to is merely paint on a rock. Please proceed, Governor. That door your opponent is pointing to is merely paint on a rock. Please proceed, Governor.

I want to make sure we get that for the record, because it took the President 14 days before he called the attack in Benghazi, an act of terror. Get the transfer. He did, in fact, sir. So let me, let me call it an active terror. Can you say that a little louder candy? He did him after terror. It did as well.

Can you say it a little louder candy? Can you say it a little louder? Now just the ladies, can the ladies say it? Can I get a woo-whop? Please, Governor Romney. Proceed. It was that kind of night for Romney. And the evidence of Obama's victory in resurgence was everywhere post-debate. MSNBC, no longer seemed suicidal.

CNN, of course, looked to be shooting a virtual dick in a box video. And, of course, Fox Newswell. And the questions. There are 11 of them. Six were clearly pro-Obama. They were softballs. Topics that we haven't heard much about. Three extra minutes for Obama.

Moderators in these debates should be part of the furniture. Did she assist the president? Mid-sentence to fact-check him. Through the president of Lifeline It's the worst debate moderation. What the heck is that about? No, no, no. Don't help them. Just let them cry themselves to sleep. It's the only way they'll learn. Hey everybody, John Stewart here. I am here to tell you about my new podcast. The weekly show coming out every Thursday. We're going to tell you about my new podcast, The Weekly Show, coming out every Thursday. We're going to be talking about the election, earnings calls.

What are they talking about on these earnings calls? We're going to be talking about ingredient-to-bread ratio on sandwiches. I know you have a lot of options as far as podcasts go, but how many of them come out on Thursday? Listen to the Weekly Show with John Stewart, wherever you get your podcast. In the immediate aftermath of Ruth Bader Ginsburg's death, Mitch McConnell, Senate Majority Leader and failed attempt at baking bread, has announced that he would allow President Trump to nominate her replacement even though he had blocked

Barack Obama from appointing Merrick Garland during an election year. But Democrats still held a shred of hope that they could persuade four moderate GOP senators to show some integrity and stick to their principles. And that hope lasted almost a full day and a half. Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell secured GOP votes to move ahead with a replacement for the late Supreme Court justice. Utah Senator Mitt Romney coming forward in the last 90 minutes to say that he will vote in a statement saying,

quote, I intend to follow the Constitution and precedent in considering the president's nominee. If the nominee reaches the Senate floor, I intend to vote based upon their qualifications. Yes, my friends. Even Mitt Romney, the dad you ask when your other Republican dad say no, is going along with Mitch McConnell's plan. And I know some people were holding out hope that he would refuse to help the Republicans push through before the election. But for some reason people always forget that Mitt Romney is still a conservative senator from one of the most conservative states. People act like Romney came into the Senate with a pussy hat on, but no, he's only moderate in comparison to Cinnamon Hitler. And getting a

lasting majority on the Supreme Court is what Romney and other Republicans have been dreaming about for 50 years on his bedroom wall growing up. Romney had a post off Superman, a dancing horse, and an empty Supreme Court seat. Now, with Romney's decision, it means that McConnell now has the votes he needs to fill this vacant seat. Today was the final day in the impeachment trial of Donald Jumbalier Trump. And no big surprise, he was acquitted by the Republican-run Senate, which was never in doubt,

yeah, don't boo, vote. See, impeachment was known. It was known, like everyone knew where this was going. This was like a movie where you can guess what was going to happen without even watching it. You know, like Titanic, okay, it's a ship that's going to sink. Or Sophie's choice, some lady has to decide which dude she's gonna bone. I get it, I get it. So with the outcome, never in doubt.

The only real drama today was whether any Republicans would dare vote against Donald Trump. And it turns out, there was one man with binders full of courage. Republican Senator Mitt Romney emotionally announced on the Senate floor that he will break ranks and vote to convict and remove President Trump. The President asked a foreign government to investigate his political rival. The President's purpose was personal and political. Accordingly, the President is guilty of an appalling abuse of public trust. With my vote, I will tell my children and their children that I

did my duty to the best of my ability, believing that my country expected it of me. That is shocking. That is shocking. Who would have thought that the most bad-ass Republican in the Senate would end up being a Mormon dude named Mitz? And I've got to say Mitz. You proved everyone to say Mitz, you proved everyone thought that the most bad-ash Republican in the Senate would end up being a Mormon dude named Mits? And I've got to say Mitz, you proved everyone wrong. The hater said you were as radical as a glass of skim milk, but they were wrong, Mi. You're whole milk, my man. That's right. That's why, whole milk fan. And by the way, I like how Mitz said that he voted this way so that he could tell his children he did the right thing. Because that's such a white people thing to say, right?

No, white people love explaining themselves to their children. I couldn't look my son in the eye if I didn't do the right thing. Black parents don't give a shit. Black parents are just like, boy, you better not look me in the eye. I made you. I'm gonna do whatever I'm gonna do. Last night was the State of the Union, Washington, D.C.'s biggest non-orgie event of the year. And I'm gonna be honest, I have never watched the State of the Union before because I have a life. So I wasn't looking forward to it, but I'm glad I tuned in because it wasn't nearly as boring as I thought it would be. In fact, it's apparently got a bit of a UFC slash junior high cafeteria vibe now. Even before the speech started, things started getting rowdy.

There were some tense moments that last night's state of the union address. Cameras captured a heated exchange between embattled Congressman George Santos and Senator Mitt Romney. One lip reader posted this account of how the exchange. th. th. th. th. to to to to to to to to to to to to to the to the to to the to to the the the to to the the to the th. to to th. to to to to to to be to the the to to to to to to to to to to to their their their their their their their the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the. I. I. the. the. the. the.e. the. thea. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. lip reader posted this account of how the exchange went down. You ought to be embarrassed. Yeah sure. You ought to be embarrassed. You ought to be embarrassed, son. Got me? That's your opinion. Yes. Yes. I would like to go on the record tonight and say that I am sexually attracted to Mitt Romney. It's not the first time and it won't be the last time. I don't even care that he's a Republican or a Mormon. In fact, since he's a Mormon, he'll be open to another wife and if not, he's a Republican,

so he'll be open to having an affair. Problem solve. And yeah, what Romney said doesn't sound too harsh, but remember, it's Mitt Romney. You want to be embarrassed son is the Mormon equivalent of, suck my fucking tea, you pussy-ass, bitch. Explore more shows from the Daily Show Podcast Universe by searching the Daily Show, wherever you get your podcasts. Watch the Daily Show weeknights at 11, 10 Central on Comedy Central and stream full episodes any time on Fairmount Plus.

This has been a Comedy Central podcast. Survivor 47 is here, which means we're bringing you a brand new season of the only official Survivor podcast, On Fire, and this season we are joined by fan favorite and Survivor 46 runner-up, Charlie Davis to bring you even further inside the action. Charlie, I'm excited to do this together. Thanks, Jeff. So excited to be here and I can't wait to bring you inside the mind of a survivor player for season 47. Listen to On Fire, the official Survivor podcast starting September 18th, wherever you get your podcast.