The Daily Show: Ears Edition - Ronny Chieng on Trump’s Second Assassination Attempt and His New Crypto Business | ICYMI

Episode Date: September 21, 2024

Ronny Chieng covers Donald Trump’s attempt to blame the Democrats for political violence after surviving a second assassination attempt. Plus, this week’s top financial news, including interest-rate cuts and Trump’s new family cryptocurrency business.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

As a kid growing up in Chicago, there was one horror movie I was too scared to watch. It was called Candyman. It was about this supernatural killer who would attack his victims if they said his name five times into a bathroom mirror. But did you know that the movie Candyman was partly inspired by an actual murder? I was struck by both how spooky it was, but also how outrageous it was. Listen to Candyman, the true story behind the bathroom mirror murder, early and ad-free starting September 26th with a 48 hours plus subscription on Apple podcasts.

You're listening to Comedy Central. ["The Big Game"] Ever since Joe Biden dropped out for being old as shit, lots of people have been saying, what about Donald Trump? He's also an old man. But listen, Trump has energy. Okay, look how much he got done this weekend. He held a rally, he started a crypto company you definitely should put all your money into.

And he got in nine holes of golf. Well, five holes. That was a bit of an interruption. Tonight the chilling new details of the apparent second assassination attempt on Donald Trump. Yo, again? Hey, will you people stop trying to assassinate Donald Trump?

Not only is it morally wrong, but you're also just giving him more things to brag about. They only tried to kill Oberheim Lincoln once. That makes me twice as great as him. But yes, this weekend a crazy person tried to hunt Donald Trump in his natural habitat, his golf course. Investigators say a secret service agent

monitoring the woods ahead of Mr. Trump as he played golf on Sunday saw a rifle barrel through the tree line and opened fire. The subject who did not have line of sight to the former president and open fire. The subject who did not have line of sight to the former president fled the scene he did not fire or get off any shots. And our agents cell phone records show he had been in place at the edge of the golf course for nearly 12 hours.

This guy managed to walk into Trump's golf course and stay there undetected for 12 hours, OK and I don't know if you've thought about this, Trump, but maybe you should consider building, you know, like a wall. Like, I don't know if you're like a... You know, a wall guy. Just think about it. But, by the way, have you noticed that the news reports are all, like, harrowing, near tragedy, sending chills through a nation?

And meanwhile, everyone you actually know is like, oh, yeah, yeah, I saw that. I mean, we have to act like it's a big deal, but it doesn't really have the same impact of the first one. It's kind of like Black Panther 2. You're like, yeah, I guess I'll see it. I mean, how is that going to work? Now the Secret Service is getting a lot of heat

for letting that guy get this far. But don't worry, they're taking action. As part of that increased focus on security, the Palm Beach County Sheriff now says that Mar-a-Lago, behind me, has the highest security level possible, equivalent to when Donald Trump was president. That's right, the highest security level possible. It goes security, maximum security,

and then home alone level. I'm talking paint cans on the stairs, scary movies playing really loud, a cardboard cutout of Trump in the windows moving back and forth. And if things get really bad, Trump's scary old friend will show up and protect him.

Now, the motive of the assassin remains unclear, so we'll have to look at who might have a reason to be angry at Donald Trump. On Sunday, three hours before the attempt on his life, So we'll have to look at who might have a reason to be angry at Donald Trump on Sunday three hours before the attempt on his life Trump blared I hate Taylor Swift on truth social reacting to her bombshell endorsement of Kamala Harris. Oh Donald tweeting I hate Taylor Swift as dangerous I mean, I would I would rather buy one of those heads ball up pages and tweet. I hate Taylor Swift. I Think I think Trump needs to stick to racism.

It's less divisive. But the assassin this weekend was probably not a Swiftie. Okay, he doesn't fit the MO. Swifties are nonviolent. They prefer to cyber bully you until you kill yourself. So why did this guy come for Trump? I mean, according to JD Vance, Trump's VP and the worst thing that happened to Cat Lady

since feline AIDS, Democrats made him do it. The left needs to tone down the rhetoric and needs to cut this crap out. We cannot tell the American people that one candidate is a fascist, and if he's elected, it is gonna be the end of American democracy. Yeah, liberals.

Stop accurately describing Trump, okay? You're putting him in danger when you repeat the things he says verbatim. But JD Vance has a point. The left needs to stop calling its political opponents fascists. Okay? You don't see Donald Trump doing that all the time. She's a Marxist. She's a fascist. She's a Marxist, communist, fascist, socialist. We have a fascist person running.

There's a radical left, Marxist, communist, fascist. She's a Marxist, communist, fascist person. What? That last one, it felt like he ran out of words to end it. She's a Marxist, Communist, Fascist, Dermatologist. I mean Trump has called Kamala fascist so much, I'm not sure he knows her name. It's like when you say to a coworker, oh hey, hey, yeah, good to see you, my fascist buddy. Don't forget the rules of slurs either, okay?

You can use the word if you are one. That's why I can call someone else Ronnie, but you can't call me Ronnie, okay? That's our word. But look, whether or not you think the rhetoric should be toned down, it's just not something that Trump and Vance actually believe in.

I mean, for the past week, the city of Springfield has been overrun with bomb threats after Trump and Vance actually believe in. I mean, for the past week, the city of Springfield has been overrun with bomb threats after Trump and Vance claimed that Haitian immigrants are eating everyone's cats and dogs, which there is no evidence of. I mean, people love posting photos of their food, okay? So we would have seen it by now. But when Trump was asked about those bomb threats,

he didn't seem too concerned. Do you denounce the bomb threats in Springfield, Ohio? I don't know what happened with the bomb threats, he didn't seem too concerned. Do you denounce the bomb threats in Springfield, Ohio? I don't know what happened with the bomb threats. I know that it's been taken over by illegal migrants. Yeah, the guy who wants everyone to believe he's super concerned about political violence can't even bring himself to say he's against bomb threats. I mean, what more information are you waiting for?

It's a bomb threat. You need to know who the bomb was gonna vote for? I mean, I can't believe this guy's saying there are very fine bomb threats on both sides. This isn't a trick question. This is a layup for politicians. It's like, do you support the troops or do you like Taylor Swift?

Just say yes. It's a layup. So will any of the heater rhetoric in this country change? Probably not, but there was at least one moment over the weekend that offered a glimmer of hope. President Biden tonight spoke on the phone with Trump. The White House describes the conversation as cordial, with Biden sharing his relief

that the former president is safe, and then Trump thanking Biden for the call. Oh yeah, Joe Biden! I forgot about that guy. That's right, he's the president. It's so nice when two 80-year-old men can speak to each other on the last piece of technology they can truly understand.

And I know what you're thinking, it would be great if we knew exactly what they talked about on that call. Well, luckily, we at The Daily Show got our hands on the very real audio recording. Hello? Hey Donnie, it's me, President Joe Biden? That's it, Biden. My name is Joe Brandon. I just want to say I'm glad you're safe. Directing Secretary of Service makes your mirror logo completely secure. Thank you, Joe. And let me just say, please come back. Huh?

Please, Joe. This race is no fun without you. Everyone is shooting at me. This black lady keeps laughing at me in the debates. I need you back, Joe. We had good times together, didn't we? Of course we did, Donnie. We're on gas shoes and that's the last thing in my life, purpose. Nowadays, no one even pays attention to me. Just yesterday, I fell down a flight of stairs.

Jill just walked over me. Then tell everyone you're back in the race. You can call me a threat to democracy. I'll call you a demented head of an international crime family. It'll be like old times. Don't you think I want to? They won't let me.

They're supposed to be outside my door right now with a baseball bat. Oh, stop it. Sorry, Donnie. I gotta go. I gotta go too. J.D. Vance just called women walking embryo bags, so I gotta deal with that. Goodbye, Joe. Wait.

Donnie. Run away with that. Goodbye, Joe. Wait. Donnie. Run away with me. What? Give me a door open for five o'clock. We drive some small Latino country. We're looking for a president there. Oh my God. Is this really happening?

Are you serious, Joe? I'm as serious as this represent democracy to you are, old friend. You half-dead son of a bitch, you've made me the happiest man alive. As a kid growing up in Chicago, there was one horror movie I was too scared to watch. It was called Candyman. The scary cult classic was set

in the Chicago housing project. It was about this supernatural killer who would attack his victims if they said his name five times into a bathroom mirror. Candyman. Candyman. Now we all know chanting a name won't make a killer magically appear, but did you know that the movie Candyman was partly inspired by an actual murder?

I was struck by both how spooky it was, but also how outrageous it was. We're going to talk to the people who were there there and we're also going to uncover the larger story. My architect was shocked when he saw how this was created. Literally shocked. And we'll look at what the story tells us about injustice in America. If you really believed in tough on crime then you wouldn't make it easy to crawl into medicine cabinets and kill our women. Listen to Candyman, the true story behind the bathroom mirror murder early and ad free starting September 26th with a 48 hours plus subscription on Apple podcasts.

Let's talk the big news. If there's one issue that voters say is the most important to them in this election, it's the economy. It's the top of the list. Right above crime, healthcare, and Haitian immigrants are eating my grandmother. Oh wait, sorry, she's just outside gardening, my bad, my bad.

But today, the Federal Reserve told all the people bitching about the economy to shut the fuck up. This is CNN breaking news. We do have breaking news just into CNN, the Federal Reserve making its announcement on interest rate cuts. The Fed just delivered its first interest rate cut since COVID and it is a big one, half a percentage point. Oh my god, it's huge.

I assume from the way he said it, I mean, I guess this is a big deal. Lowest interest rates mean lower car payments, credit card payments, and of course cheaper home loans. So you know that house you couldn't afford? Well, a half-point decrease means that now you can afford a bus ticket to drive past it. American dream alive. But who cares about a federal reserve? What about those of us outside the system?

Us rebels who don't keep our money in social constructs, like banks, so we don't have to pay taxes But who cares about a federal reserve? What about those of us outside the system? Us rebels who don't keep our money in social constructs like banks so we don't have to pay taxes. Well, you're in luck my friend because the last real American has just announced a new investment opportunity that's gonna make your wallet blow up like a Hezbollah pager. In the crypto space,

Donald Trump has officially rolled out World Liberty Financial, a crypto venture that will sell tokens to wealthy investors. All this just one day after an apparent assassination attempt on his life. Yes, having a near-death experience has made Trump focus on what truly matters in life, selling crypto.

And this is great news, Donald Trump, the world's most trustworthy businessman, is now in crypto, the world's most trustworthy business. And what could make this deal better than Trump? How about more Trumps? Also involved in the crypto venture are Donald Trump's sons, Donald Trump Jr., Eric Trump, and even 18 year old Barron Trump,

whose official title is D-5 visionary. Holy shit, they got four Trumps now! I mean, forget Neppo babies, that's a whole Neppo nursery. Look, I'm 100% in this, okay? Shut up and take my money. I just have a few questions, like, how does this work and what is it? So this new Trump backed business called World Liberty Financial yet released key details

about its finances or exact purpose. Its website though prominently features photos of Trump and touts a digital currency kind of like Bitcoin, but the value of that currency would be pegged to the US dollar. World Liberty Financial announced it will sell tokens to accredited investors. Those won't be transferable or earn a yield, but they will allow holders to vote on the I'm in. I'm just not sure what I'm in. It's a little confusing. So maybe we could, I don't know, do that thing from the big short

and have Margot Robbie explain this Trump business to us in a bathtub. It's a scam. Oh, right. Yeah, yeah. I see it now. But still, I mean, that's just one person's opinion. Is there anyone else who's an expert on scams, who's had some thoughts a few years ago on crypto? Bitcoin, it just seems like a scam. Quote, I am not a fan of Bitcoin and other cryptocurrencies,

which are not money, and whose value is highly volatile and based on thin air. Okay, pretty persuasive, but, I think I'm gonna need to see him say that in a bathtub naked. There you go. There you go.

Now I know it's a scam and I'm turned on. I'm sorry guys, I really thought this was a sure thing. But of course Donald Trump doesn't know anything about crypto. Now if he had some actual financial experts who are running the company for him, that would be a different story. One of the deal makers behind World Liberty Financial is Chase Hero, who previously sold colon cleansers online after serving time in prison for dealing marijuana. Wow, Trump's partner in this is a weed dealer

turned prisoner turned colon cleanse marketer. I mean, clearly he understands the concepts of diversifying your portfolio. I mean, he understands the concepts of diversifying your portfolio I mean maybe I can trust this thing but is there anything Chase heroes said that makes it clear he understands how the crypto business works you can literally sell in the can wrapped in piss covered in human skin for a billion dollars if the story's right because people will buy it and that is what is going on in the crypto space.

And like I said in my other video, I'm not going to question the right and wrong of all that. All I'm saying is, as a human being, you have the ability to make a f*** ton of money right now. So the guy running Trump's crypto company says crypto is basically, and I quote, a can of shit wrapped in piss that you can sell to idiots. I mean, that is crazy. I did not know you could wrap something in piss. That's a liquid.

This guy's a genius. I can't wait to give him my money. I just wish there was just one more guy who could lend his credibility to this company. World Liberty Financial also has Chase Hero's longtime partner Zachary Fulkman, a former pickup artist who under the name Zach Bauer founded a company called Date Hotter Girls. How many guys came here to learn how to take girls home and bang them? Finally the answer Finally the answer to the question what if Jesus had herpes?

So to sum it up, I could not be more excited to trust my kids' insulin money with these three guys. Donald Trump, a shit in a can salesman, and T. Mu Russell Brand. But the question is, is this investment right for you? Only you can answer that. But I must say I found that new ad very persuasive. Attention Donald Trump fans.

Introducing World Liberty Financial, the president's latest venture. How does it work? Well, using the blockchain, we mint a crypto coin or we exchange other crypto coins or maybe we platform the DeFi blah, blah, blah. Look, we don't know what this is yet, but you the deal Trump's name is on it so you buy it okay crypto is a complex intersection of finance and technology and we don't know shit about it either but what we do know is you like Trump Trump like money you give Trump money don't act like you need to do your due diligence here oh

let me read the prospectus and make sure this is a sound financial decision. F*** you. Pay us. Oh you want a chart? Fine, here's a chart. This is you giving money to Trump. You comprehending all this warm, Buffett? I'm sorry but we have less than 50 days to the election to cram in all the cash grabs we can so we don't have time for a bunch of questions like, are we insured by the FDIC? Are you kidding me? The only FDIC here is you, the f***ing dummies investing cash. Give us your money. If you don't have money then get it. Take out a loan, steal it from your daughter's wallet, rob a bank, rob a blood bank and sell the blood on the black market. Don't get Trump involved unless it works. Then he wants a cut. Hold on, hold on. I have a

financial disclosure we legally have to read. This is a grift. You are the mark. Ignore that or don't. You're going to fall for it. World Liberty Financial. Trump crypto blockchain, blah, blah, blah. Money please. Explore more shows from The Daily Show Podcast universe by searching The Daily Show, wherever you get your podcasts. Watch The Daily Show weeknights at 11, 10 Central on Comedy Central and stream full episodes anytime on Paramount Plus. Paramount Podcasts. As a kid growing up in Chicago,

there was one horror movie I was too scared to watch. It was called Candyman. It was about this supernatural killer who would attack his victims if they said his name five times into a bathroom mirror. But did you know that the movie Candyman was partly inspired by an actual murder? I was struck by both how spooky it was, but also how outrageous it was. Listen to Candyman, the true story behind the bathroom mirror murder, starting October 3rd, wherever you get your podcasts.