The Daily Show: Ears Edition - Roy Wood Jr.: Imperfect Messenger

Episode Date: November 1, 2021

In his stand-up special, Roy Wood Jr. gives his take on small talk in the pandemic era, taking desperate measures to feel good, brave white allies, mass shootings and more. Learn more about your ad-choices at https://www.iheartpodcastnetwork.comSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

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Very few have been given access to the treasures in our archives. You're rolling. But that's all about to change. Like none of this stuff gets looked at that's what's incredible. I'm Seth Done of CBS News. Listen to 60 Minutes, a second look, starting September 17th, wherever you get your podcasts. I, I hope you're okay. I, I hope you're okay. I do.

I hope you're okay. I do. I hope you're okay. I'm not gonna ask. You know, I just hope you're okay. That's not a question you can throw around casual anymore, you know? How you doing? We've been through too much. Lost too many people and been through too much struggle. You ask somebody how they're doing now.

You better be careful because they might tell you. And that'll throw off your whole day. You ever have somebody you don't give a damn about, start sharing their pain? Woo woo woof. It'll throw off your whole schedule. Hey, what's going on, man? How you being? Well, the dog caught COVID. That's my bad. I thought you know I didn't give it shit. I'm so sorry for asking. I'm so sorry. It's not a casual question. I called my uncle.

This is where I knew my uncle was going through some shit. I said, oh, what's going on? He said, well, you know, ain't nothing that the ancestors can't get get through. I was like, oh, shit. This mothucker is summoning dead black people. That's when you know black people going through some shit. When you start calling on the ancestors, calling on black people floating around, you're protecting. Which should just go to show you, that's how stressful it is being black.

Even after you die, you got to stay on earth to give motherfuckers tips. Can't even go to heaven. As soon as you get to floating up to heaven, somebody down on earth. Ancestors I need you. Ain't this a bitch. My black friends always talking about the ancestors, my white friends always talking about their forefathers. Which is two totally different types of dead people. And look, I'm not saying you're racist if you bring up the forefathers, but I am saying you have my undivided attention. You know, because it's not racist, but it just feels...

You know, you know something that ain't racist, but it's got the residue. It's got the residue of racism on it. You know what it feels like, you know what I feel like, you know, you've ever been somewhere, and it's too many American flags? It just feels... It's a little too much freedom in this space. And it just don't feel right. Like, how many American flags equal one Confederate flag?

I don't know what the number is, but there is a number. And that's how I'd be feeling when people get to talking about their forefathers, but I ain't trying to hear that shit. You know, Roy, this is a layered conversation with a lot of nuance, and I just think we need to think about what our forefathers would, hey, I think my ancestors would want your forefathers to shut the fuck up. How about that? Denver, Colorado, what's going on? How y'all doing tonight? All right.

All right. That's good. I'm in it that time. A minute that time. We're just out here trying to live, man. That's all we're trying to do. Anything to feel good. That's what we're after now.

But whatever you got to do to feel good, do that shit. Like, at this point, life is basically a crab leg, and we're just all trying to work that bitch. Trying to find that one little nug to feel to feel to feel to feel to feel to feel to feel to feel to feel to feel to feel to feel to feel to feel to feel to feel to feel to feel to feel good good good good good good good good good good good to feel to feel that one little nugget of feel good inside that. Oh, no. Oh, I found a little feel good today. I found just a little bit, um, yum, smallest things are send you to the moon. You post a picture of yourself online.

Somebody like it, you're like, you're like, woo! Well, so wild we're so addicted to that, that our own face ain't even enough. We've lost confidence in our own face. Don't put a picture of yourself online, but I'm putting a filter. You're gonna have a filter, ooh, swam, swam. So, okay, that's the one on my post, that's the one. Gotta have dog years on your head.

Why don't, don't run Except the truth. Your mama's a nine, your daddy's a two. It is what it is. Stop putting filters on yourself. They got one app. They got one app. They got an app where all it do is show you what you look like when you're 80. That's it. That's it. That's all it is. It don't do nothing else. You take a picture of yourself now as a young person and you put it in your phone and we don't do 80. That's it. Have we lost

that much hope that we need a sneak preview of old age? Like who is it? A sneak preview of when you 80? Who is this app for? Like, well, other than black men, because we might not make it there, but... You never know. You never know. Anything, man. Women getting plastic surgery to feel good. Yeah, resilient butt lifts. That's what they doing, fellas. Brazilian butt lifts, that's what the women are doing.

They're going down to South America. Do you know what the Brazilian buttlift is? They go down there and they slice your booty cheek open. They slice your booty open. And they take some of your belly, and they put it in your ass, and they stitch you up, and they put you on a spirit fine. I'm not hating on plastic surgery. If that's your crab leg, work it out. Do what you do. My problem is that women, y'all will get the new ass, and then you get on the internet and talk shit to men.

Why are you attacking myself esteem? You got a belly booty, congratulations. Go enjoy your belly booty. But that's not what they do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do the the the the their the what they do. The women get the new ass and then you be bent over on Instagram. Look at all this ass. Do you have enough dick for this? No ma'am, I don't. I don't have enough. I cannot reach it from this angle. You put a foot of meat in front of you put, I cannot get to it from this way. You can't move the goalpost, then turn around and talk shit. They turn around, we gotta do it frontways. It's the only way.

White people doing what they can to feel good now. I see what you're doing out there, white folks. White allies. That's what we got now, black people. White allies. And you gotta call them that. They like that. White allies. And we know you're a white ally, because you won't stop telling us that your job. Shut the fuck up.

I just want you to know that I see you and I understand your journey. And anytime you want to have a dialogue, would you like to have a dialogue? Stop talking to your black friends about race. Talk to your forefathers. Call them up. And I'm not trying to attack white folks.

I know you've done a lot of good shit. I don't want you to think I'm taking nothing away from you. And we've just seen you out there putting the end of work. You got your shirts on with your little slogans. You know, pretty much whatever you stand for as a white person. There's a slogan shirt for you. Black Live and Trans Live and PussyHats. A lot of merch. Y'all got a lot of merch in this ally game right now.

Which is cool because the merch the shirt breaks the ice the ice the ice the ice the ice to to to to to to to to to to to to be...... I to bea to bea to bea to bea to bea to bea to be to be the the the the to bea the the the the the their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their tha.lucl.lucl.l.l.l.l.l.l.l.l.l.l.l.l.l.l.l.l.l.al.al.al. their their their the merch, the shirt does have to work for you now. The shirt breaks the ice for you. It's easy to be a white ally now. Shit, if you was a white ally in the 90s, you know how hard that shit was with no merch? You just had to be nice to niggins and grin at them and hope they figured it out. You know how pressure that is as a white person you can hold the elevator door open and look, doo-doo! Did you see what I did? I... But you could be doing more white folks. Don't think that what you've done is enough.

We appreciate what you've done, but you could do more. Dig deep and help out your goddamn black friends. We've seen what y'all was doing at the Capitol do that shit for us. Storm the Capitol for your Black friends. Inside of every white person in this room is a capital rioter. You should dig deep and find them. You can storm the capital for a number of reasons. That ain't got to be the only reason to do it for us.

You think we didn't discuss that at the Blackmun. You think black people ain't discussed storming a government facility as one of the options for getting our freedom? Yeah, but you cannot do that if you are black. You you go grab a shotgun and go to DC and then boom bitch where the freedom match. You would get shot immediately. Immediately you would get shot at the house booking the flight. You wouldn't even even get to DC. You wouldn't even get to D.C. Yeah, man, white folks are contributing. It's good to see white people contribute.

There's a lot of white people contributing black folks that we don't recognize. We've got to start tipping our hat to them. Some white folks have been doing some really dope shit helping black folks. You know, you know one white ally that goes unsung, in my opinion, is evil white actors in civil rights movies. These are unsung heroes of the movement. Because there's a thing, if you're going to have a black struggle movie and you're going to tell the truth, that means you have to show some heinous shit happening. And to show heinous shit happening, that means you need white actors

being motherfucking terrible on camera. You got to have it. And I've met some of these white actors. These are good normal ass white boys. They've got to walk on set all nice and then just turn on the racism. You know what kind of pressure they under? You gotta walk on set, say, nigger, for 12 hours. Gotta eat lunch by yourself? Nobody talks to you. Gotta walk on set all chipper and shit. Hey, good morning, how you doing?

Hey, director, good to see you, too. We ready, and action. You are, nigger! And cut. Is that good? Uh-huh. We gotta go again? Oh, my God. I'm sorry, Dazel, we gotta go again.

I don't want to. If you're gonna tell the history of my people the right way, every now and then, you need a white actor being a heinous mothucker on that camera. You're telling me Leo DiCaprio didn't kill it and Django unchanged? Leonardo DiCaprio transformed in that movie. That's one of the bravest white allies I ever seen in my life. Turned into an evil ass enslaver. Called Jamie Fox a nigger to his face.

To his face, not an empty chair. But like they do, CGI Jamie Fox later. Jamie Fox was in that room and Leo was right there. Grab and Carrie Washington and shit by the hair. Just being disrespectful. Fucking put ten toes in the the the the the the thous thous thous thous thous thous thoes in thoes towes towes towl. towl. towl. towes towes towes towes towes thoes thoes thoes thoes thoes thoes thoes thoes thoes thoes thoes thous. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho toed to toed toe toe told. I toe. I'm toed told. I'm toed toed toed told. I'm called to called told. I'm told. I was th, Carrie, Washington, and shit by the half. Just being disrespectful. I fucking put ten toes in the ground and called Jamie Fox a nigger to his face in front of Samuel L. Jackson. Bravery.

And all they do. They love to say, Tom Cruise does his own stunt. Well, so does Leonardo DiCaprio. That's a wild stunt. Right next to Samuel L. Jackson. Look, Jamie Fox, dead in the face. You said you would be willing to pay an exorbitant amount of money for what you considered to be the right nigger. Well it would seem to me this lady right here

is indeed the right nicker. Same dude from Titanic, y'all. You just got to respect that transformation. This dude went from Titanic to enslaver. Near, fall, wherever you are, nigger. After Jango, this is what a sacrifice Leonardo DiCaprio made. After Jango, this is what a sacrifice Leonardo DiCaprio made. After Jango Unchained in 2012, it was almost 10 years before he did another scene with a black co-star. That's how day, I'm not calling the man racist. He's done movies with every minority you can, and he did a movie with a bad.

He's a solid dude. But he knew, he knew when he made that movie. Once you call Jamie Fox and Kerry Washington, nigger in front of Samuel Jackson, you've got to lay low for a decade. And that's sacrifice. If anybody know Leo, tell him he can come home. Tell him it's time. We're trying, man. Anything to feel good.

Some of us out there, we're trying to just help other people to feel good. That's our crab leg. It's trying to help other people. You want to, and sometimes the system, don't let you do everything you want to do the way you want to do it. I got two cops in my family, which is kind of like saying some of my best friends are black. Yeah. What I do? I got two cops with my family. Chicago's suburb and the Mississippi State Trooper. We get to talking about everything that's going on, man.

And I was trying to explain to them, it's base level shit the police could be doing. We ain't talking legislation and policy. Just base level shit you could do to help build a bridge, to make things a little better. First thing the police need to do, this is one thing I think the police should start doing. Stop talking in code on the radio. Use regular words. Why you all secrets? Secrets is what got you

in trouble all this time. Stop keeping secrets. You ain't in a rack, you ain't given away your position to the enemy, you use. Regular work, you're in front of the Walgreens, I can see you. Everybody could see you. But that ain't what the police do. You heard the police talk to each other on the radio? The shit is gibberish. Anytime the police talk to each other, it's just gibberish. Three, victor, two David, two, David, two, two, David, two, come back, under the police, jop, jop, and the s'e, thereys, the s' thi, the shit, the shit, the shit, the shit, the shit, the shit, the shit, the shit, the shit, the shit, the shit, the shit, the shit, the shit, the shit, the shit, the shit, the shit, the shit, the shit, the shit, the shit, the shit, the shit, the shit, the, the shit, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, thi, thi, thi, the shit, the shit, the shit, the shit, the shit, the shit, the, the, the shit, the shit, the, the shit, the shit, the, the shit, the, the, the, the shit, the, three out them, three out them, three out, three, three,

three, three, three, three, three, three, four, four, three, four, like, you don't know what she just said. Stop fucking around. You don't know what she just said to you. You wonder why the police show up and shoot the right information through the radio. Slow it down. Slow it down.

Use regular words. It's a lot of shit the cops could be doing, man. The other thing the police could do, this would really build a bridge. Every cop in this country, once a month, let a nigger go. I'm serious. Not every day, not every shift, not every week, but just once a month, let a nigger go. And not for every crime, I'm not saying for all crime.

There's certain crimes that have to be permanent, like the murder, ATF, SVU, like you keep the hits. You know, the major crime, you still got to go to jail for that. But a lot of crime that's out there that cops take us to jail for it, you ain't got to take me to enforce it. Really? Really, dog, crack. You're gonna take me to jail for some crack? Like crack, that's what we arrested people for, still crack. Okay, not a shipment of crack.

I'm talking about my own personal allotment for me. My own personal rock, my crack. One, a single rock. A crack. You're gonna take me to jail for a crack, sir? That's what you're gonna do? It's drugs, dog, it's an addiction. It's not criminal. Drop me off at the Don't Do Crack No More building.

And go fight the real crime. Because that's how you build the bridge. Because the riff between good cop and bad cop and the argument, it just boils down to who had a good interaction with the police. That's all it boils down to. And if once a month you letting the nigger go, you are creating allies out the ass. Because that's who's going to defend you at the next protest.

Who you think will defend you at the next protest? You wouldn't even need all that blue that blue that blue that blue that blue that blue that blue that blue the next protest? You wouldn't even need all that blue lives matter flag. Did you start letting niggins go free once a month? We got to defund the police. Abolish these police. Hang on, hang on, baby. I had some crack on me last first day. My brother just let me go. Look, this is a nuanced conversation with a lot of layers to it. We just need to think about what our forefathers would have want them that. That's them them them that. That's themememem that's thu thu thu thu-a thu-a thu-a thu-a thu-a thu-a thu-a thu-a thu-a-a-a-a-a-a-u-a thin' th-in' th-in' th-in' th-in' th to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to th th th th th th th th th th th thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thin' thin' thin' thin' thin' thin' thin' thin' thin' thin' thin' thin' thin' thin' thin' thin' thin' th layers to it. We just need to think about what our forefathers would have wanted. That's all I'm saying. That's all I'm saying. I'm gonna smoke some crack.

I'd be right back. I'll be right back. Oh! The last black person to have a positive interaction with the police and speak about it on the record is Ice Cube. Just yesterday them fools tried to blast me. Saw the police and they... That was 30 years ago, y'all. And we never forgot that one cop.

And he didn't even do shit to Ice Cube. He didn't pull him over and give him ice cream. He just let him go. Ice Cube was sitting at a red, like that cop saw Ice Cube and drove off, and Ice Cube was like, oh shit, I gotta go to the studio right now. Call DJ Poo, we got to fucking make a track about this shit. What's the score of the Lake of Supersonic game? Finding great candidates to hire can be like trying to find a needle in a haystack.

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Ditch the other hiring sites and let Zip Recruiter find what you're looking for, the needle in the haystack. Four out of five employers who post on Zip Recruiter within the first day. Try it for free at this exclusive web address, zip recruiter.com slash zip. Again, that's zip recruiter.com slash zip. Zip recruiter. The smartest way to hire. When 60 Minutes premiered in September 1968, there was nothing like it. This is 60 Minutes.

It's a kind of a magazine for television. Very few have been given access to the treasures in our archives. But that's all access to the treasures in our archives. But that's all about to change. Like none of this stuff gets looked at. That's what's incredible. I'm Seth Done of CBS News. Listen to 60 Minutes, a second look,

starting September 17th, wherever you get your podcasts. Anything to feel good. That's what we're trying to do, man. Anything to feel good. But you got to be careful though. Because a lot of people out there, the only way they know how to feel good is to make you feel bad. You got to keep your head on a swivel for these folks, because they're out there and they ain't doing well.

They ain't doing well. They got a full clip, they got an empty heart, they ain't had a crab leg in a long time. So you have to keep your head on the swivel. Them folks got guns, they're ready to shoot up whatever, anywhere. That's why we got to bring back profiling. I'm sorry, I'm going to be real. I know it ain't worked out well for us.

But there's a lot of different ways you can profile, not just racial. I can't say racial profiling, just bring back profiling. Trying to stop these mad shootings. There's certain stuff you've got to be looking for on people in public. You got to be on the lookout. You got to be on the lookout in this country for people that ain't doing well. I was walking in the Home Depot. The dude in front of me was walking diagonally.

I was like, I'm good. I left. I went to Lowe's. I got to around no diagonals. I am a perpendicular American and I don't trust. I wouldn't talk to the manager everything. I turned it to a Karen. I went to the manager, I was like, you know you got some diagonals in here. I'm gonna go in here and find these diagonals and get them out. Mass shootings, man. Mass shootings especially fucked up if you're from the hood.

It's especially messed up if you're from the hood, a mass shooting. That was the whole point of getting out the hood was to get away from the murder. That's what they tell you, growing up in the hood, get you an education, get you a job, get out there and see the world. Well, bitch, I did. They're shooting over there too. I'm back. I'm better off here the whole top. Say what you want about the hood, but at least they shoot my fuckers one at a time. You got a chance. I understand gentrification. I get it. W White folks coming back around black people where it's safe. Welcome back. Welcome back.

Oh my God, did you see all that murder out there? It's okay, I'm an ally. Good to meet you. Where can I get some almond milk around here? It's okay, I'll buy the block block but good to meet you though good to meet you. It's the same thing with civil rights movies. Same thing, same thing with civil rights movies. I watch them, I watch the civil rights movies but you can't watch too many civil rights movies that are all to you. No matter fact matter fact I think all these streaming like all these streaming services they should... they should the, they, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to get to get to to to get to get th. th. It to get th. It th. It th. I th. I th. I th. Good th. Good th. Good th. Good th. Good th. Good th. Good, good. Good, th. I, th. I th. I th. I th. I, th. I to to to to to to to to to to to th. I I I to to th. I th. I th. I th. I to th. I to to to the to to the to the. I to to to the. I the. I the. I'm the. I the the. I the. I the. I'll alter you. No matter of fact, matter of fact, I think all these streaming, like all these streaming services, they should, the black people shouldn't be allowed to watch more than two a year. Just to help keep us calm. For our own mental health,

you should not be like, because you know what they do, like you watch one slavery and then the algorithm show you 12 more slaveries to choose from. You cannot watch 12 slaveries in a week and be normal. You'd be walking around work, man, the moth fucking dude. Two slavery max. Like that's, like after you watch a second slavery, like a prompt should just come up on the screen. Hey dog, that's enough. You're good, brood, you caught up. Just watch your two slaveries and you keep moving, man. Did you know there's a Paw Patrol movie, let me give you the the you. You their you you you you you you you their. You their. watch your two slavers and keep it moving, man. Did you know there's a Paw Patrol movie? Let me give you the Paw Patrol movie real quick, but. I know a lot of people don't like those movies.

I understand it. I understand the feeling. It's black pain. It's terrible shit being documented on screen. People make money off of it, you know, but our history got to be somewhere. It ain't in the textbooks. So, until we get some better options, we just got to have a couple struggle movies every now and then.

It is what it is. But I'll tell you'll tell you what throw me off though, I'll be watching them civil rights movies, man. Well, throw me off, I'll watch a civil rights movie and be like, oh, that was a good-ass movie. Then two weeks later, you find out the main black dude in the movie is British. You're like, ah, shit. I'm the fucka got me. The boughk it got me. The anger is a compliment. Them black breath said, they're so good to feel like betrayal. You'd be watching the movie. This motho can be Martin Luther King.

I have a dream and a dream and I'll be dreaming in a dream. Then you see him two weeks later in the interview, well, my javelin' jib-litz one of the jubileen that day. Why is Dr. King talking like this? And this might not be an issue for most people, but every black person remember the day they found out Idris Elba wasn't from Baltimore. Oh my God. That was a troubling day in the black American community. It's like finding out your daddy wasn't your daddy.

It's just, Albert, that string of bell from the wire. That string of bell, dog. Like, no, dog, that manfucker from over there. No, he ain't, you shut the fuck up. And then you saw him in the interview. Well, I tell you for breakfast, me love a warm bowl of beans. You're like, oh! This niggin eat beans for breakfast? Oh, not my dog. Not my dog. Oh, no.

No. I think part of the rip between black Americans and black Brits, it just boils down to we don't know enough about foreign black people's struggle. We don't know enough about black British people because they don't teach us their history. And if I don't know your pain, I can't trust you to portray mine on camera. That's the, that's the issue. But it ain't black Brits fault. We don't know shit about their history.. they's, they's, they's, they's, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, thi, their, their, thi, their, their, thi, their, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi's is is thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi.eei's, toooooooo''n't, too'n't thi.ei.ea. Soi's thi. Soi. Soi't know shit about their history. They ain't teaching us foreign racism in America. We ain't learned about the struggle across the diaspora. We just now learning about Tulsa.

That shit happened round the corner. Yeah, we're too busy learning Roman numerals in America. They ain't teach you about the struggle across the diaspora. They only gonna teach you, but thank God I know the Roman numals, now I know which Super Bowl we own. Fucking idiots. So a different type of nigger pull up to the country, you don't know shit about them.

You're like, my fucking, oh, no. There's got to be some racism over England, man. It's got to be some racism over there, man. They ran off Megan Markle. You know how jacked up your country got to be to not fuck with Reagan Markle? You don't fuck with Megan Markle? Megan Markle could pass for eight, nine different races in America. But in England, they was like, nope, something's off with that good time. Too many nigglers in her nabloz, if you want to go.

Go on. England was so racist to Megan Markle, she came back to America and stayed at Tyler Perry's house. Do you understand how frustrated you have to be with racism? A pain that only Medea could fix. Then, then she talked to Oprah. She was dealing with so much racism. She had to talk to two of the most powerful black women in the country. Had to get Medea and Oprah. Had to double up. And poor Oprah went for him.

Oprah was interviewing Megan Markle. Oprah didn't have no solutions for that woman. That's how complicated racism is in England. Oprah couldn't help her. Oprah, Oprah, Oprah. This is a woman who has built her empire on giving us solutions to our problems. That's all Oprah's done. She had the talk show, she had the damn magazine, she's got a TV network, it's all promoting positive

imagery to make you a better you. Megan Marker sat down in that backyard with Oprah for Oprah for two hours. All she did was make faces. Couldn't help Megan, Megan Marker bore her heart out to Oprah. Oprah th, Oprah, Oprah, Oprah, Oprah, Oprah, Oprah, Oprah, Oprah, Oprah, Oprah, Oprah, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she th, she the th, she's th, she's th, she's th, she's th th tho, she's tho, she's th the the tho, she's tho, she's tho, she's tho, she's tho, she's the tho, she's the their their their their their their their their their their their, she's their, she's their th, she's th, she's th, she's th, she's th, she's th, she's th, she's th, she's th, she's th, she's tho, she's tho, she's tho, she's thoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo, she's tho, she's Megan Markle, bored her heart out to Oprah. Oprah was just sitting there like, I can't help you with that baby. You got to talk to the ancestors. I'm... Gail, let's go. I can't help us. We got to go, Gail. Yeah. These civil rights movies, man. They're painful, but they're necessary.

To me, one of the best civil rights movies of all time is the original Fast and Furious. I'm sure you have your favorite. Paul Walker, if you don't remember, if you never saw the O.G. Fast and Furious, Paul Walker. Paul Walker is a cop in this movie. Paul Walker's job in the movie. to go under cover and take down a treacherous street racing gang that's being run by black Mexican-looking Dominican, Italian, Persian, whatever Vendezel is, he's got to take him down, he's got to take him down and he does his job. Paul Walker does his job, Vindiesel finds out he's a cop, takes off Paul Walker Peep's game, the tea the keys to his car their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their te. te. tease. He the th. Hea. Hea th. Hea th. Hea th. He's thease. He's the. He's th. He's th. He's th. He's th. He's th. He's th. He's th. He's th. He's th. He's th. He's th. He's th. He's th. He's th. He's th. He's th. He's th. He's th. He's te, te, te, te, te, te, te, te, te, te, te, te, te, te, teeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee. He's te, te, te,'s a cop, takes off Paul Walker Peep's game. Then Diesel crashes.

Paul Walker gives Van Diesel the keys to his car. Vend Diesel speeds away to freedom, and for the next Dineen, 1015, sequels, all Vendiezel has done is save the world over and over again with nothing but minorities. It's beautiful. All he's done is hire minorities, left and right, formed a bipop coalition of street races. He hired Tyrese, he hired Ludicrous, he hired Bow Wow, he hired Jarrell,

hired Michelle Rodriguez, grabbed the Asian from Tokyo Drift, Eva Mendez, even Wonder Woman was in one of the damn movies. He hired the rock, whatever the fuck he is. The original Fashion Furious is proof of what a minority is capable of. It's every now and then, the police just let a nigger go. it go! I'm just saying. I'm just saying. It's the only civil rights movie with a sequel. I'll say that.

I like Selma. Selma ain't got no sequel, do it. No, you don't. Ain't no Selma too, Mo Selma. Still walking, moselma. I'm gonna email Ava Dovedan, man. I'm gonna pitch that. I'm like, Eva, I got an idea for a New Selma. Ha ha ha ha!

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Slaship. Zip recruiter. The smartest way to hire. When 60 Minutes premiered in September 1968, there was nothing like it. This is 60 Minutes. It's a kind of a magazine for television. Very few have been given access to the treasures in our archives. But that's all about to the treasures in our archives. But that's all about to change.

Like none of this stuff gets looked at. That's what's incredible. I'm Seth Done of CBS News. Listen to 60 Minutes, a second look, starting September 17th, wherever you get your podcasts. Anything to feel good. Anything to feel good. Anything to feel good. Anything to feel good. We got people out there, man.

They're doing whatever they can to feel good. They're helping other people. That's their crab leg. And I like that. I love seeing charity, philanthropy, people pouring into other people. You know what I really love seeing the last couple years is seeing all of these celebrities that's getting folks out of jail.

Now that's dope. That's been dope to see. These celebrities ain't messing around. Damn, Maya Moore from the WNBA, Alicia Keys, and Kim Kardashian, the ass, got somebody out. Don't matter how you feel about Kim Kardashian, you got a fucking tip that and that ass, got a black woman, freaking appreciate it.

Them celebrities make it look easy as hell too. They be getting folks out of jail the way you get folks in VIP. Yeah, that's my homeboy right there. Him and him, they're good. Yeah, get them out. Yeah, right that next to the electric chair, that's him, yeah, to get him out, okay. What I don't like, though, what I don't like, is what's weird is that when a celebrity gets somebody free, that's the one time they become humble. That's backwards.

As soon as they get somebody out of prison, they bring to to to to to to to to to them them them them them them them them them this is this moment is about them and no. If I got you out the jaws of injustice I'm being your fucking P-Diddy immediately I would fucking puff daddy that press conference I'd pushed a free ass out the way boom I'm the one freedom. It's your boy, I would, Birmingham, Alabama. 205 represent 35211, mothucker. And he's free because of me, doll. What's up? Because that's how you get other celebrities on board. You make them jealous. Because it ain't enough celebrities doing that shit, but it's a lot of celebrities talking about what diamond they got, and what car they got, and look at my house.

Bitch, how many people have you freed from prison? Flex that. That's what you should be flexed. Because I can't say right now, if I got somebody free from the federal government? That's like beating the 96 bulls. Do you understand? If I got somebody free from the federal government, that's all you would know about me for the next five years. Muffucker wouldn't even be alive to go nowhere without me. I'd Jeff Dunham Ventriloquist, that motherfucker, like,

he'd be on my hip right here for five, come on, motha fuck, I got you out. We're going a waffle house. Come on, mothfuck, I got you out. We're going, we go in the waffle house. Come with me, mother fuck, up. I'd walk the red carpet with him. So Roy, I see you on the red carpet. What are you wearing? His name is Keith. I got him out. This my dog. How you doing.

Keep, say something to be free good job keep and it was in seeing those celebrities get people out of jail that I finally found my crab leg I said gonna get me somebody out of jail that I finally found my crab leg I said gonna get me somebody out. You know? Got me a little bit of celebrity. I've been on BT three times. You know? You know?

My YouTube channel got a hundred thousand subscribers in there. That's nothing to clap at, that's no money. Yeah. I figured it out, man. My childhood next-door neighbor is in prison for murder. He's been gone 20 years so far. And when I say, and I'm going to say next- door neighbor, I mean literally next door. Like, like on report card day, we could hear each other's ass weapons. You know, like that, you know, in the hood on report card day, you know,

it sound like a zombie attack all over the neighborhood. Woo-ah-uh! Woo! Ooh! . Oh! . You get to the bus stop the next morning tease each other.

I don't know, but I heard your ass whooping. That wasn't my ass whooping. I was the thick ass whoop. My dog Johnny Lee, man. Johnny Lee, that's an Alabama ass name for your ass. She said, not Johnny Lee. Yes, man. Johnny Lee, that's an Alabama-ass name for your ass. She said, not Johnny Lee. Yes, baby Johnny. Do you know him? Yes, Johnny Lee. My dog, Johnny Lee, man.

He was a getaway driver and a robbery that turned into a murder. He didn't pull the trigger. Wasn't even in the store, but State Alabama gave him 99 years. And I don't know what the laws are here, but in Alabama, the laws basically, if I'm with you and you murdered, we murdered. Which, damn that, they murdered. And I understand the spirit of the law. It's the coop the company you keep. But it's a lot of, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the tha, tha, tha, tha, tha, thi, tha, tha, thi, thi, their, their, their, their, the state, the state, the state, the state, the state, the the the th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, the the th, the the tha, tha, the tha, the the tha, tha, that, that, that, that, that, that, their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their, tha, tha, the spirit of the law, it's to make you watch the company you keep,

but it's a lot of court systems. They use that law to lock up two people for the price of one, and it don't feel right. It don't feel right. Right. It's the same thing with drugs. It's the same thing with drugs. Like I'm with you and you got crack, somehow we got crack.

How we both got crack, it's one crack, it's a crack, we cannot both smoke. A crack. You see the crack pipe, it's one mouthpiece. We can't... There's no couple's crack pipe, like we cannot... Lady in the tramp. Look, I can see if they found a crack hookah. Okay, fine. You got them.

You got them. Can you smoke crack in the hookah? I don't know. We'll talk about that lady. But that's the law. So 99 years was the sentence. And I know that part of it, I know that part of it is who they killed.

They killed this man, Mr. Muhammad, man. And Mr. Muhammad, he ran a black-owned record store in Birmingham. He killed a black business owner. This man ran this record store for years. There's a salt of the community. Side bar people. A record store is a place place place place place place place place place A record store is a place. In the before times, there was a building you would go to, to buy the music. It did not just come to your phone.

You had to go to a building, and then you say, do you have the music? And then they would say, yes or no, and then you would leave the mall. A mall is a place where there used to be jobs and happiness. It was a dope spot. Old people would come there and exercise. It was a good hang. But Mr. Muhammad, man. Mr. Muhammad took the money he made from that record store, and he had pulled

right back into the black community in Birmingham. He would mentorship programs, police athletic leagues. He'd buy blazers for kids to wear the job interviews, all that. This is how much he loved black people. He supported local rappers. Side about white people. Local rappers are terrible. And their dreams should never be supported. 98% of the rappers from where you live are terrible. They are not going to make it. But Mr. Muhammad,

he supported him because he knew if they were in the studio, they wozen on the street. Supported them. I mean, supported them. Gave them primethey was in the studio they wasn't on the street. Supported them. And I mean supported him. Gave them prime real estate in the record. Well, put their albums by the register. Well, you could see it. Then guilt you into buying and supporting local. You'd show up to the record store to buy cash money or masterpia or whatever. And he didn't size you up. You support in with them silver rights eyes you buying all these

out-of-town rappers you ain't even bought the new buckle up knuckle up volume 2 I'm like who the fuck is buckle up knuckle up v. I'm like who the fuck is buckle up, knuckle up? I didn't even know they had a volume one. I got that one right here too, young blood, ain't no thing. Mmm, me and support both of them. Mm-hmm. You lead a record store with $80 worth of music. Supported me.

That store supported me. I used to do prank phone calls back in the day. Prank phone calls was my first hustle. The people who know, they know. And so they would take my pranks and put them in the store and help me sell them. And that little bit of money that I made in that store from selling them prank calls. That was the difference between sleeping in my car and sleeping in a hotel on the road. Like that money that that that that that that th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the the their their their their their their their their their their their their th. th. thoom. thoomfew tho' their their tho' their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their th. their th. thi the. I was thoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooes. their their their hotel on the road. Like that money, you ain't a lot of money. Because it was either Mr. Muhammad or a son Darius. It's usually his son Darius. Darius is the one who called me up every week

to give me to count on Monday morning. You want a call from Darius. That means you have some bread coming. Hey, Young Blood, good news. You sold three. Come on down here and get your $18, Young Blood. And I raced to that store to get them $18, because that little bit of money saved my life, dog.

That store supported people. And that's who they killed. That's who they killed. And I don't, I'm not going to sit here and say that's who they killed. That's who they killed. And I'm not going to sit here and say that 20 years is enough time, but I know 99 ain't the number either. So I called up Darius. I called up Mr. Muhammad's son. I called up Darius.

And we're cool, but we don't talk on a regular, but we're cool enough. And I called up Darius, and I started walking them through what I'm thinking about trying to get Johnny Lee, trying to get him eligible for parole, and Darius stopped me dead in my tracks. He said, Roy, if that man gets out of prison, it'll kill my mama too. And that's something I'd never considered in the whole time that I've been thinking about doing this. Because the thing is that once you get locked in on something and what you want to do, and what your agenda is, you forget about all the other people that have been affected by something.

And I lost sight of that. I never had nobody in my family murdered, so I didn't even have the perspective. I learned two things in talking to his brother. First thing I learned, number one, if it ain't your pain, it ain't your place to tell somebody when to get past something. So, wait, folks be suffering and dealing with stuff. You need to get over that. You need to get, oh, man, you gotta let them process that.

That's their journey. And I hope that brother will forgive me that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that brother forgive me, because what I did was hella disrespectful. You 20 years passed the death of your father and some goofy-ass comedian called you, hey man, I saw Kim Kardashian fat ass get somebody out of the front. What you're eating me and me? I just hoped the brother forgive me, man. I was just trying to feel good. The other thing I learned in talking to this brother is also,

I'm not famous enough to get nobody out of prison any damn way. Not Alabama. I ain't got the resubae. I need to host a daily show. Correspondent ain't enough. That might be enough in Colorado, but trust me, it ain't enough. That might be enough in Colorado but trust me it ain't enough in Alabama. But two people getting you out of prison in Alabama that's Nick Sabinthrough in the sense of revenge, you know. Anything to feel good. And a lot of us, the only way we know how to feel good is to get revenge on somebody else.

And I'm here to tell you, it do feel good. Oh my God, revenge feel good. I ain't saying it's full of nutrients. It ain't gonna help you in the long run, but in the short run it feels good to get a little revenge on somebody sometimes. Because revenge, that's an impulse we learn at an early age. We learn revenge early. It's not taught. It's something that's just in us because you see someone who got away with something and they ain't got they thupped behind the ear yet,

and you gotta make the world right. My son, when he was four, bid a kid at school. Four years old, just chomp down on another boy's flesh. Just chomping, like, right while, he didn't bite and disengage. He, ah, uh, yeah. And so, so we go to the school, we go to the school for the bite meeting, you know, that's what they do with the parents, they sit down, it's down for the bite need. And come to find out at the bite meeting, my boy bit the same kid that bit him the year before. That's all in the game, Fav.

This is not an incident, this is justice. Like, I was proud, I was proud of my boy, because not only did he bite this child, but he waited a year to do it. Do you know how diabolical that is? This is a bite. This is an intimate attack. This ain't throwing a rock from across the park. You gotta lure somebody in to bite them. That means you gotta earn they trust.

You gotta share snacks, you gotta share toys. And then one day on the yard when the CEO wasn't looking, he's on, I'm like, good job, dog, good job with that. We act like revenge is a substitute for healing, and that's the problem. Revenge is not a substitute for healing. Because no matter what, no matter what wrong has been done to you, no matter how mean you been done to you, no matter how mean you think somebody did you,

at the end of the day, it's on you to heal yourself. Forgiveness is an internal journey. It's the truth. So you can be mad at them as long as you want, but it ain't gonna fix what you got to fucking do that work on your own. But in the meantime, talk thu to to talk thu to talk thu thu thu to thu thu thu thu thu the thu the thu to the that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that the that the that that that that the that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that the the the the the the the the the the the the the to fucking do that work on your own. But in the meantime, talk that shit. This concept of never letting go of something, even after people have apologized,

even after people have tried to work with you to heal on it, I understand. If you don't understand that, go to a civil rights museum. And then you'll understand the concept of never forgiven. Because you go to a civil rights museum. I don't. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I, I, I, I, I, I, I th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th thi. I don't thi. I don't th thi thi thi thi. I thi. thi th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. This th. This. This. This. This. This. This. This. This. This. This. This. This. This. This. This. This th. This th. This th. This th. This th. This th. I th. I th. I th th th th th th th th th th th thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thin thin thi thin the thi the thin thi thi thi thi thi thin thin thi thin thi thin thto a civil rights museum. Then you'll understand the concept of never forgiven. Because you go to a civil rights museum, I don't know about y'all, but when I leave the civil rights museum, I am not in a forgiven mood. I am not ready to have a dialogue. That's why I like the way they design these new civil rights museums they've been building,

where they put a bunch of good news right before the exit. Have you seen that? The new Civil Rights Museums, all of them, just struggle, struggle, every level. It's just struggle, struggle, struggle, struggle. And leave and you feel good. Like, oh yeah, there is some good news. I like that Easter Ray. I ain't gonna fight no white people that day. I feel good. Because you go through a civil rights museum, you don't want to let that shit go.

Shit didn't even happen to me. That's not my generation, but it is my history, and I'm still mad. And it's been way more than 20 fucking years. You go through these pictures. You know what's wild about a civil rights museum? Is that you can look at these pictures of these people, these black people being defamed, being defiled, and just syrup in their head,

and people hitting them with sticks? And what's wild is to realize in that moment that most of the people in those pictures are still alive. That's the wild shit about a civil rights museum. They are showing you people that are mostly still taking in breath on this earth. The black people in the picture are alive, so if they are alive, my fuck, that mean the white people in the picture are alive too. Where they at? Where they at? That's who I want to have a dialogue with. Track down these motherfuck.

But you can't find them because in the picture they're all nice and young. You don't know what they look like today at old age. If only there was an app. I hope you feel good, Denver. Good night. Thank you all. I hope you feel good, Denver. Good night. Thank you all. I hope you feel good. Thank you all. Thank you all.

The Daily Show with Trevor Noah Ears Edition. Subscribe to The Daily Show on YouTube for exclusive content and stream full episodes any time on Paramount Plus. When 60 Minutes premiered in September 1968, there was nothing like it. This is 60 Minutes. It's a kind of a magazine for television. Very few have been given access to the treasures in our archives. But that's all about to change.

Like none of this stuff gets looked at. That's what's incredible. I'm Seth Done of CBS News. Listen to 60 Minutes, a second look. Starting September 17th, wherever you get your podcasts.