The Daily Show: Ears Edition - Sarah Silverman Covers Trump's Off The Rails Testimony | Joel Madden

Episode Date: November 7, 2023

Sarah Silverman reports on Donald Trump finally taking the stand in court, a woman looking to crash her car into a Jewish school mistakenly crashing into a building owned by Black Israelites, and Michael Kosta weighs in on Mike Johnson endorsing anti-porn technology.Plus, if you've never heard of new House Speaker Mike Johnson, you're not alone. Save yourself a Google search by watching The Daily Showography of Mike Johnson. And artist-entrepreneur Joel Madden discusses what it’s like having to critique tattoos on the reality competition series “Ink Master,” reflects on the meaning behind Good Charlotte's song "Lifestyles of the Rich & Famous," and why it was important for him as a musician to create VEEPS, a streaming platform for live concerts and comedy.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

You're listening to the Daily Show. I am Sarah Silverman, back by Popular Demand. Welcome to the Daily Show. I am Sarah Silverman, back by Popular Demand. Popular is my Nanos' name. I'm kidding, she's dead. But it was her stripper name. We've got a great show for you tonight, so let's get right into headlines.

Let's kick things off with the reason most of the people in this audience could not sleep well last night. A new poll shows Joe Biden getting trounced by Donald Trump in almost every single swing state. Don't panic. It's still too early to say Biden will definitely lose. He could absolutely die in his sleep instead. I'm just saying this is really scary for liberals and I mean actually scary, not like they took Hamilton off Disney Plus scary But you know what I'm gonna be honest. I like a scary poll number puts a little fire under your took us This is a wake-up call to Joe Biden. I mean no really Joe wake up

And what makes these poll numbers particularly shocking is that the man Biden is losing to is currently on trial in every jurisdiction in America. In fact, today in New York, former President Donald Trump actually took the stand to defend against accusations his company committed fraud, and things went just about as well as you would expect. Within minutes of Trump taking the stand, a battle with the judge quickly unfolded. Judge Arthur and Gorin accused Trump of making long-winded speeches, not answering questions and even threatened to excuse the former president.

The judge told defense attorneys, quote, I beseech you to control him if you can. If you can't, I will. So far, I mean, Caitlin, it's fair to say this has really been a mess. Here's one example. When asked by prosecutors whether he was involved in the preparation of key financial documents in 2021, Trump's answer, no. I was dealing with China, Russia, and keeping our country safe. The New York Attorney General's lead lawyer then reminded him he was not president in 2021. Honestly I get why he's confused. I also get confused because it feels like he was president for a fucking thousand years. I can't I cannot even remember who was president

before Trump. Like was it a Rutherford B. Hayes or something? I mean of course Trump isn't focused. He's got like 17 other court cases he's dealing with. He probably doesn't even know what he was in court for. I bet he was on the stand like, is this the insurrection one or the mushroom dick porn star one? And by the way, if I had Donald Trump under oath, I wouldn't be wasting time asking about financial statements. This is my chance to find out the answers to every question I've had about him ever. Is there a Melania clone? Is there a P-tape?

If you had to do a Sophie's choice with one of your adult sons, would it be both? You know, let's move on because as you know, ever since war broke out in the Middle East, hate crimes have been on the rise here in America. Luckily, some of the people committing these hate crimes are not the brightest candles in the menorah. A woman faces charges after confessing to a crash targeting the Indianapolis Jewish community. IMPD arrested Ruba Al Maga the late Friday night. Police say she drove into a building and told officers she thought it was an Israel school

and that she did it on purpose. In fact, the building belongs to the Black Hebrew Israelites, which is designated by the Anti-Defamation League as an anti-Semitic hate group that believes Jews are satanic. Oh! Oh! She meant to crash into a building full of Jews, but ended up crashing into a building full of people who hate Jews. Like, what a meat cute. Coming soon, the enemy of my enemy is my lover.

For real, though, hate crimes are bad enough, but what makes this even worse is that she's perpetuating the stereotype that women are bad drivers. This woman's troubles are just beginning. Wait until she meets her public defender, Joel Rabinowitz. Is he Jewy looking? All right. And finally, let's move on to Washington, D.C., where the new speaker of the House just keeps getting weirder and weirder. Speaker of the House, Mike Johnson admitted he and his son used software to monitor if the other was watching porn.

My county accountability partner right now is Jack, my son, right? And so he's 17. So he and I get a report of all the things that are on our phones or all of our devices once a week. If anything objectionable comes up, your accountability partner gets an immediate notice. The Louisiana Republican installed accountability software called Covenant Eyes so that he and a 17-year-old son Jack would abstain from going to X-rated internet sites. The website promotes itself as a way to help those with porn addictions. Every superhero has some strengths and weakness. Superpower, strength, my weakness, porn.

Wow, these Marvel movies are really running out of ideas. Why is he a superhero whose weakness is porn? Like, what is that origin story? Did his parents die masturbating to horny milfs? Was he hit with a radioactive money shot? And if Mike Johnson doesn't want to encourage his son to masturbate, why did he name him Jack? I mean you should meet his other kids. I mean you should meet his other kids.

Tug and his daughter Finger Blast. I believe that joke. I'm sorry, there is no way this app is going to stop people from masturbating, especially 17-year-old boys. 17-year-olds don't need porn. They can jerk off to anything. His dad must be like, he really doesn't look at porn at all. He just spends all his day browsing and Taylor Loft. Seriously, don't use an app to find out if your son is masturbating.

Just do it the old-fashioned way. See if his socks shatters like an icicle. For more in this story, we go live to transparency, I chose Michael as my covenant eyes accountability buddy, which means if I look at online porn, you'll get a notification. And who better, Sarah, to trust with your most private struggles than a random co-worker you only talk to on television. Although, to be clear, Sarah, we could be friends. Ha ha ha ha. So, Michael, back to the story, doesn't this revelation ruin Mike Johnson's reputation as a serious

speaker of the house? Not at all, Sarah. In fact, Mike Johnson is the kind of guy you want holding the speaker's gavel. For one, he's got two free hands, we know that, and secondly, do you know how much you can accomplish when you're not wasting all your time massaging the pig snout? Plus this gives him that pent-up near bursting energy that says I'm a soft breeze away from exploding all over this carpet, which is helpful in a negotiating room, especially if that room has carpet. But the only downside here is that Johnson might not,

oh, sorry, hold on, I just got a notification from Covenant Eyes. Sarah. What? What? What? In the middle of my report, you're searching for that kind of thing? No, no, no, no, no, this is funny. It's for Thanksgiving. I was actually looking up a recipe for cream pie. But I'm sorry, inappropriate, I should not be on my phone.

You were talking about the Democrats? No, I wasn't. Although that's a good point. This gives Joe Biden an opportunity to contrast himself from Mike Johnson. He could be the politician who's into porn. He already kind of has the look, you know? He's got the slick back hair.

He drives a Corvette. He's always squinting like he just saw something he likes, but he doesn't know why. Sarah, if Biden can pull that off before... Oh, sorry, I'm buzzing. Buzing again. Sarah! I... What? No. It's not porn. I'm in the process of moving. And I need two guys to come and pack my box. In horizontal mode? Listen, let's talk about the security issue here. This website is monitoring everything Mike Johnson looks at. That could include sensitive classified information.

Yeah, but that's the price we pay for moral rectitude. Sure, Russia could hack into Covenant eyes and get access to our nuclear codes, but I sleep a little easier at night knowing Mike Johnson isn't seeing what's happening to our nation's stepmoms. Now, of course, he could take security measures like, oh God, hold on. Sarah, seriously? Oh, sorry, I was genuinely curious if I could play this game without coming in five seconds. Could you?

Yes. Michael Costa, everybody. When we're going to be more the Midas Touch podcasts, the top rated Topwatt podcast for Pro-Democacy content. the host of the Midas-Touch Podcasts, the top-rated top-watch podcast for pro-democracy content. Every single day we release new episodes reporting on the issues that matter most, without any of that both sides, corporate media BS that we are all so sick of. We also have conversations with incredible guests, like President Joe Biden.

My best politics is truth. Second gentleman, Doug Emhoff, Secretary Pete Budajjjjjjah, Representatives Jasmine Krocket, Jared Moskowitz, and more. And it's much more than the the their their their their their their th than th than th. The th. The th. The th. The th. The th. The thi. The thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to too too too too tooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo-wo-a, today, today, too, Secretary Pete Buda-Jedge, representatives Jasmine Crockett, Jared Moskowitz, and more. And it's much more than just a podcast. We have over three million subscribers on YouTube, so come see what the buzz is all about. Subscribe to the Midas Touch podcast wherever you get your podcast. That's the Midas Mighty! today. Welcome. Welcome back to the daily show.

Just before the break we were talking about the new speaker of the house Mike Johnson and how he uses some weird app to share porn alets with his son. W Which nobody knew about because before this guy became speaker nobody knew anything about him. So if you're wondering if there's anything else you need to know about Mike Johnson, he's the subject of the newest daily showography. In the fall of 2023, Republicans in the United States House of Representatives were battling to choose a new leader.

He would need to be crazy enough to win over the far right, but boring enough that he wouldn't spook the slightly less far right. And so the party settled on Mike Johnson. No wait, sorry, that's him. But who is Mike Johnson? No, really? Who the f-fee is he? Many people are asking, who is Mike Johnson? Who is Mike Johnson? Exactly. Senator Susan Collins said, quote, I was going to Google him this morning. And after Susan Collins saw millions upon millions of images of dicks, she found this.

People are curious, what does Mike Johnson think about any issue under the sun? I said, well, go pick up a Bible off your shelf and read it. That's my worldview. That's what I believe. Jesus Christ. The GOP had found the man. So bland he'll put you to sleep, but so insane he might murder you in it. This is the daily showography of Mike Johnson. Crazy, boring. Long before America knew

Mike Johnson as an alive man with a face and hair and body parts who was two heartbeats away from the presidency. He was just a boy who had a smaller face and hair and body parts growing up in Louisiana. In 1984, when Johnson was 12, his fireman father narrowly survived an explosion. Later, Johnson recalled, all I ever aspire to be was a fireman. But his parents wouldn't let us be firemen after that. It was a life-changing moment. A person could just forbid other people from living their lives the way they wanted?

That's what Mike wanted to do when he grew up. Soon, Mike became the first member of his family to attend college. Despite his Bible-based upbringing, he chose Notorious Party School, where he was definitely not in this footage. After graduating LSU law school, this generic man married his generic life partner, but don't worry, their marriage also had a crazy side. Mike and Kelly were wed under an unusual arrangement known as covenant marriage, which essentially makes it illegal to get divorced.

Embarking on his legal career, Mike Johnson was it illegal to get divorced. Embarking on his legal career, Mike Johnson was hired by the toughest client of all. God. As an advocate for evangelical organizations, Johnson fought to close abortion clinics, denounce birth control as the taking of human life, and declared gay marriage. The dark harbinger of chaos and sexual hierarchy that could do in the strongest republic. If same-sex marriage is allowed, Johnson wrote, there would be nothing to stop people from marrying their pets.

Yes, God's blandest warrior fought to make sure a visit to the pound didn't end with the tripound. It was around this time that Johnson hopped on board Noah's Ark, specifically a full-size replica built by a creationist museum to teach kids that the earth is 6,000 years old and that people and dinosaurs lived together. Johnson represented the Ark Encounter in a successful fight for the right to public funding and became something of a spokesman for God's jungle crews. The Ark Encounter is one way to bring people to this recognition of the truth that, you

know, what we read in the Bible are actual historical events. In 2016, Johnson would take part in an actual historical event of his own, getting elected to Congress. As a new congressman, Johnson signed a pledge to play nicely with the other representatives, even the godless. thers. thers. thers. thers. the thers. thers. the-perperperperperper-iners. We. We. We. We. We the th. We the th. We've the the the the. We've the the the the the the the the the the. As a new congressman, Johnson signed a pledge to play nicely with the other representatives, even the godless perverts. We've all committed to mutually respect one another to disagree in an agreeable manner. It was another beautiful covenant marriage. And Johnson has been true to his word, maintaining a perfectly inoffensive civil demeanor

as he championed Donald Trump's Muslim ban, shrugged off climate change as natural, and pushed for a nationwide don't-say gay law. One of Johnson's most notable bills would ban almost all abortions after six weeks, and not just to save the unborn babies, also to save Social Security. Roe v. Wade gave constitutional cover to the elective killing of unborn children in America. If we had all those able-bodied workers in the economy, we wouldn't be going upside down and toppling over like this. Finally, somebody's thinking of the able-bodied workers women should be pumping out against their will.

Then came the 2020 election. As the holder of an actual law degree, albeit from LSU, Johnson was uniquely qualified to craft the arguments that Donald Trump would use in his efforts to get the results overturned in court, which is how Johnson finally became interesting enough to earn a nickname. Maga Mike Johnson. Maga Mike Johnson. I kind of like that. Yes, Mike Johnson finally had it all.

A reputation as a lunatic among the people who knew him, but no reputation at all among anyone else. Shit, did it again. And that's how crazy, boring Mike Johnson achieved his hard-won victory, to become the least experienced House Speaker in 140 years. You know, back when dinosaurs roamed the earth. All right, when we come back, Joel Madden will be joining me on the Daily Show.

My guest tonight is an artist, an entrepreneur, you know him from the band Good Charlotte. He's also the host of Paramount Plus Reality. the competition series, Inc. Master. Please welcome Joel Madden. You know him from the band Goods Charlotte. He's also the host of Paramount Plus Reality Competition Series, Inc. Please welcome Joel Madden. I don't have a tattoo, but my sister Laura has many tattoos and she convinced my dad many years ago to get a tattoo on his ass of my stepmother's name, Janice. Great, right.

And he loved showing it to people and I had to be like, dad, keep the front of your pants up. It's the best. It's the best. Well wait, I have a quick montage of my to be like, I, and to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the. t. tape, tape, tape, ta, tape tape tape, tape, tape, ta, ta, to toda, to th. to to be like, dad, keep the front of your pants up. It's the best. Well, wait, I have a quick montage of my dad being extremely stoic, getting his tet-toes. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, he liked me?

Is it worth it? No. It's done. Jesus Christ. Oh, I mean, best part of an ass tattoo. What? The best part of an ass tattoo. What?

The screaming? Getting it? And then showing it. Yeah. I mean, I get it. When people get the tattoos in places, all of a sudden, like, someone gets one a tramp stamp and then they have to wear half shirts for the rest of their lives. It's the unsaid rule of tramp dance. So on your show yes. They're human canvases that the contestants are using for these tattoos. That's what we call them.

Do you, I mean as you assess it and criticize it and, do you feel bad talking shit about something that is going to be on someone's body forever? Uh, okay, so everyone who has ever gotten more than one tattoo has gotten a bad tattoo. Yes. For sure. So part of you feels like it's a right of passage for them to get their bad tattoo. But, okay. But it, part of the competition, no one's getting a terrible tattoo on Inkmaster. All the tattoo artists are great, but we are trying to, it's like splitting hairs sometimes,

but we do have to find what's wrong with the tattoos to get people off the competition. So we have to, we have to, we have to critique to critique to critique to critique to critique to critique to critique to critique to critique to critique to critique to critique to critique their their to critique their their their their their their their. It's their. It's their. It's like, their. It's, their. It's, too. too. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. It. It. It. It. It. It. It's, their. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's, to, the. It's, to, to, to, tha. to, the. to, to, thea. to, to, to, to, to, to, th. to, to, thea. their. their. their. their. their. the tattoos to get people off the competition. So we have to critique them. It doesn't feel great. They're obviously not standing. The person with the tattoo is not standing there. Oh, they're not. No. No. No.

Like, I have a screenshot of it. Yes. It's the best part. And the person's. Yes, yes. It's the best part and the worst part. I was talking to you before and I don't have a tattoo but I would like to get one but I'd wanted to like, all right, I'd wanted to you know have meaning or represent something I love but I was like I don't love anything like I guess like I like TV and I like long one single rose That was a joke. We roses are great, but I have a great idea. Yeah. Oh

So you get everyone in the audience to write their name down I'm loving this. You put it in a hat. I put it in a hat. Put it in a hat. Put all the names in a hat. Uh-huh. Draw the name from the hat and then get it tattooed on your neck. It will make their life.

It will. Yes. It will, Sarah, it will make their life forever. First of all, the press alone that would come off of that. And then, you know, you have a connection with this person that you, you know, in this wonderful city in New York, someone in New York walking around saying, you know, Sarah has my name tattooed on her name. Full name, full name. her name. Full name. Full name.

Yeah, absolutely. What tattoos have you seen that were either terrible, amazing? I will tell you, one tattoo, I only heard tell of it, but it's the greatest tattoo I've ever heard of and I feel like it's timeless. Pray tell. It's Mr. Spock, you know, from from th. th. th. the. thiiii. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. the. the. the. thi. the. the. the. the. thae. thae. thae. thau, thae. thae. thae. thae. tha. tha. tha. tha. their. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. t. the. the. thea. thea. ta. ta. ta. ta. ta. ta. ta. ta. ta. ta. ta. ta. thea. tell. It's Mr. Spock, you know, from Star Trek. Love him. And he's thinking. Leonard Nimoy.

Leonard Nimoy as Mr. Spock. And he's thinking, and then there's thought bubbles, and then what he's thinking of is himself with a mustache. I would never be sick of that. I feel like that's ti. We that's, yeah, yeah, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, thi. thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. th. th. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi, thi, thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thin. thin. thiiiiiiiiiiiiiii. thiiiiii. thii. thi. thin.'s timeless. We call those ironic tattoos. Oh yeah, that's like the mustache here, you go like that. Or like fun tattooed on your knee. Fun knee?

Yeah. Yeah. Don't last with that. It's too easy. I have a bad tattoo. It's a dragon on my leg that looks like a seahorse. Did you want it to look like a seahorse? No, I got it in a basement when I was 17 or 18.

It was the guy's first or second time tattooing. Wow. Yeah. I bet you made his day like I'm going to make one of their day. That guy was famous and I ruined his leg. His name was Dragon Seahorse. Hey listen you just played with good Charlotte for the first time in five years. We did. How was it getting back up there? It was great. Thank you. It was fantastic. It was fantastic. It was fantastic.

It was fantastic. We had a great time we We haven't played in five years, except we did play my little sister-in-law's wedding, which was really our first show in five years. But we only did four songs there, or five songs. But we played it when we were young in Vegas. Yes. Lil Wayne came out, Wizzy came out, played, did a couple songs with us. It was awesome. Sing some tight harms with you. Yeah. You had your hit song 22 years ago, Life Styles of the Rich and Famous, just like the

Robin Leach show. Just like the show. I mean, if you were to do that, like if you, if you in 2002 saw you now in 2023, do you think you would be an element in that song? Yes, I would say, uh... Well, the song was less of a critique and more of a, maybe a manifestation. Oh. Oh.

They're so with you. They're really. I don't know if I walk around and think of myself as rich and famous. Right. But, you know, there are some irony there. Yeah. All right. Let's talk about Veeps, which I'm very interested in. You co-founded VEPS, which is a streaming service where people can see live

concerts. Vice presidents. I'm kidding. You say vice presidents? VEPS. Oh yeah. Don't do better jokes than me. F. Assu. I actually, this is, this is, we've been working on this for seven years. It's a streaming platform for live concerts and we just launched comedy. So, where we feel like there's a place for comedy when you can't get the big special, you know, on Netflix or wherever, we feel like there's a big hole for comedians to develop their specials and special, you know, on Netflix or wherever. We feel like there's a big

hole for comedians to develop their specials and to, you know, make their way up to the top of the comedy game. Oh, that's so exciting. I know so many people that would be amazing. Yeah, well you should send them over. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And it's definitely, it's a great platform too for the future of live music is absolutely, people watch sports, they expect to be able to watch whatever game they want, people want to see from every tour that goes out, tickets sell out, we all know how that goes. More and more, there needs to be a place for concerts and for bands to build their live audiences and so live streaming is important to us.

Being a musician, we started it for the musicians. Hot shit, you guys. The new season of Eggmasters is screaming now exclusively on Paramount Plus. We're going to take a quick break. We will be like that. I'm going to work. I'm going the way. I'm the way. That's the best. That's our show for tonight.

But before we go, please consider donating to the Scleroderma Research Foundation. They are the nation's leading nonprofit investor in Scleroderma research, aimed at seeking out improved therapies and hopefully a cure. If you can please donate at the link below. Explore more shows from the Daily Show podcast universe by searching the Daily Show wherever you get your podcast. Watch the Daily Show weeknights at 10 Central on Comedy Central and stream full episodes anytime on Fairmount Plus. This has been a Comedy Central podcast. Survivor 47 is here, which means we're bringing you a brand new season of the only official survivor podcast on fire.

And this season we are joined by fan favorite and Survivor 46 runner-up, Charlie Davis to bring you even further inside the action. Charlie, I'm excited to do this together. Thanks, Jeff. So excited to be here, and I can't wait to bring to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to the the their their their their their their c. their comedy their comedy their comedy their comedy their comedy their comedy the cc. the cc. the cc. the c. the c. the c. the c. the c. the c. the c. the c. the c. the c. the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the c. the the the the the c. the the the the the c. the the the th. th. thecoecoecoecoe. th. th. th. thecoecoecoecoe. th. the the the thecoecoe. the the action. Charlie, I'm excited to do this together. Thanks, Jeff. So excited to be here, and I can't wait to bring you inside the mind of a survivor player for season 47. Listen to On Fire, the official Survivor podcast starting September 18th, wherever you get your podcasts.